October 21, 2016: Friday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161021

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Ladies and gentlemen, please stand by for either (THE JOCK SHOW), or a test of the emergency broadcast system. We’re checking now to see which had the highest ratings last week.

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW): Contents Under Pressure–Do Not Shake.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the Day of Judgment.” –Matthew 12:36

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. –Matthew 11:28

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. — Psalm 51:12

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. — Romans 6:11

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. — 1 Corinthians 9:27

Thought: “Practice what you preach!” “I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day.” “Put your life where your mouth is!” Those of us who speak out most openly about our faith in Jesus also need to make sure that we hold ourselves accountable to the same standard we are calling others to follow.

Prayer: Father in Heaven, please help my walk to be consistent with my talk and may my talk always be pleasing to you! In Jesus’ glorious name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

Deuteronomy 10:21 NIV = He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.

TODAY IS FRIDAY – OCTOBER 21, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
66 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is HUMBLE YOURSELF BY HAVING YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WEARING A BICYCLE HELMET DAY. ***Yep, that’d do it.

Today is NATIONAL PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE DAY. ***If that’s the reward for wearing the bicycle helmet, I’m in.

Today is TAKE TIME TO STOP AND WATCH THE SUNSET DAY. ***Which makes tomorrow “Get Someone To Drive You To The Emergency Room Because You’ve Gone Blind Staring At The Sun Day.

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Celebration of the Mind Day

Global Iodine Deficiency Disorder Prevention Day

Mammography Day

National Pharmacy Buyer Day

Reptile Awareness Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22

Caps Locks Day

International Stuttering Awareness Day

Make a Difference Day

National Nut Day

Pit Bull Awareness Day

Smart Is Cool Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23

iPod Day

Mother-in-Law Day

National Mole Day

Swallows Depart From San Juan Capistrano Day

TV Talk Show Host Day

Xterra World Championships

MONDAY, OCTOBER 24

Food Day

Lung Health Day

World Development Information Day

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 25

Chucky, The Notorious Killer Doll Day

International Artists Day

Sourest Day

World Pasta Day

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 26

Howl At The Moon Night

Intersex Awareness Day

Mule Day

National Day of the Deployed

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 27

Cranky Co-Workers Day

Navy Day

World Day for Audiovisual Heritage

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28

Champagne Day

International Bandana Day

National Breadsticks Day

National Chocolate Day

St. Jude’s Day

ON THIS DAY

1879: Thomas Edison demonstrated the first practical incandescent electric lamp. It burned out after 14 hours. ***How practical is a fourteen hour light bulb?

1918: Margaret Owen of New York City set a typing speed record of 170 words a minute. ***It would’ve been less though if they’d cut off time for spelling errors, punctuation problems, grammatical mistakes, words that don’t exist…

1960: Democrat John Kennedy and Republican Richard Nixon clashed in their fourth and final presidential debate.

1985: William “The Refrigerator” Perry, a 325-pound offensive lineman, ran for a touchdown as the Chicago Bears beat Green Bay 23-7. Perry soon became a national folk hero.

1991: Captain Kangaroo was inducted into the Admiralty of the Great Navy of the State of Nebraska, making him Admiral Kangaroo.

1998: A 34-year-old spectator got two days in jail for playing with a yo-yo in an Oklahoma City courtroom. The man said he was trying to quit smoking and yo-yoing helped him relax, but the judge wasn’t impressed. ***He’s now trying to kick the yo-yo habit and finds it relaxing to play Tiddlywinks.

1998: The New York Yankees set a major league baseball record of 125 victories for the regular and postseason combined.

2003: A concert by the heavy metal rock group POD (Payable on Death) in Siegen, Germany, had to be cancelled after the sound check made the ceiling collapse. The audience had not arrived and no one was injured. ***Talk about “bringing down the house!” Maybe they should “raise the roof.”

2004: An Associated Press poll found President Bush and Senator John Kerry locked in a tie for the popular vote for the presidency.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1532: German reformer Martin Luther declared: ‘For some years now I have read through the Bible twice every year. If you picture the Bible to be a mighty tree and every word a little branch, I have shaken every one of these branches because I wanted to know what it was and what it meant.’

1692: William Penn was deposed as Governor of Pennsylvania. His overtures of gratefulness to James II for permitting religious freedom for dissenters of the Church of England led William and Mary to charge Penn with being a papist.

1751: The first Baptist association in the American South was organized at Charleston, SC. It was formed under the initiative of Oliver Hart, who had left the Philadelphia area to become pastor of the Charleston Baptist Church in 1749.

1808: Birth of American Baptist clergyman Samuel Francis Smith. Credited with writing over 100 hymns, Smith is best remembered as the author of “America” (“My Country, ‘Tis of Thee”), written at age 23, while a student at Andover Seminary.

1892: Birth of James L Kelso, American Presbyterian archaeologist. He participated in digs at the biblical sites of Debir, Bethel and Jericho, and authored the text “Ceramic Vocabulary of the O.T.”

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Will Malloy on “Reunion”, JJ Pryor on “American Dreams”) Will Estes 38
  • actor (Ben Seaver on “Growing Pains”) Jeremy Miller 40 (audio clip)
  • actress/author (Princess Leia in Star Wars) Carrie Fisher 60
  • TV’s Judge Judy Sheindlin 74

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1917 : Dizzy Gillespie

1937 : Norman Wright (Dell-Vikings)

1940 : Jimmy Beaumont (The Skyliners)

1940 : Manfred Mann

1941 : Steve Cropper (Booker T & The MGs)

1942 : Elvin Bishop

1943 : Ron Elliott (Beau Brummels)

1945 : Kathy Young (Kathy Young and the Innocents)

1946 : Lee Loughnane (Chicago)

1947 : Tetsu Yamauchi (The Faces, Free)

1947 : “Rabbit” Bundrick (Free)

1952 : Brent Mydland (Grateful Dead)

1953 : Charlotte Caffey (The Go-Go’s)

1955 : Eric Faulkner (The Bay City Rollers)

1957 : Steve Lukather (Toto)

1957 : Julian Cope

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How did Salisbury steak get its name?

It was named after a 19th-century English physician, Dr. J. H. Salisbury, who recommended that his patients eat plenty of beef for all manner of ailments. It is essentially a ground-beef patty that has been flavored with minced onion and seasonings before being fried or broiled. Salisbury steak is often served with gravy made from pan drippings.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Building 429’s Jason Roy posted his workout and said: I double dawg dare ya. Looks so easy… but it’s death on wheels. The workout included five reps of 400 meters, 40 walking lunges, 30 squats, and 20 box jumps.

It’s been a tough run for Casting Crown’s Melodee Devevo. She posted: Satan sticking it to me one more time on this long run. Had 2 take such a cold shower that my head still hurts 4 hrs later!

Advice from the band Hawk Nelson. Do not wear glow in the dark shoes when playing laser tag.

Kutless member James Mead is offering the use of one of the band’s songs to the Oregon Beavers. He posted: hey Beaver football, you guys should use my song “Tear It Up” because we are from Oregon and I’m a huge beavers fan.

Francesca Battistelli is celebrating a new taste treat. She posted: For years I assumed avocado toast would be redundant. Just eat them separately, I thought. It can’t be THAT delicious, I thought. Oh how very wrong I was.

Audio Adrenaline’s Dave Stovall has a unique way of packing for tour. He posted a short video as he simply poured a laundry basket full of clean clothes into his suitcase. https://www.instagram.com/p/BLJJU5_BxFc/

Good news from the band Switchfoot; there were no broken bones during the day on Tuesday and they were all still able to play their concert in Boston that evening. The band got some boards as well as some training during the day on Tuesday from pro skateboarder Brian Bishop.

Zach Williams is out with a new story behind the song video. The video tells the story behind Zach’s new song called Chain Breaker. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzjSpM2Eq1w&sns=em

Jamie Grace released a new cover video this week. Her latest project is a cover of Hawk Nelson’s “California!” https://youtu.be/pn3N640TUC8

Some good news from Plumb. Her toe has been red and swollen since she hurt it in August. Today she finally went to the doctor for an x-ray and found that it is just badly jammed, not broken. Plumb said: it will just take being taped to another toe and ice and time for healing.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Researchers at the Stevens Institute of Technology and Binghamton University found that hackers can filch your ATM PIN with 90 percent accuracy in just three tries by cracking the accelerometer in your fitness tracker.  ***Which is exactly why I never exercise.

A security engineer this week stumbled upon a part of the Internet that is usually hidden from most of the world: a list of websites available to people with Internet access in North Korea. According to NPR, that total number of sites available in North Korea was only 28. Matt Bryant’s list includes every site ending in .kp, which is the country code associated with North Korea. Most of the sites are a mix of propaganda, news and education.  ***Having only 28 websites to visit sound horrible – but on the other hand, your sidebar of bookmarks would always be neat and tidy.  https://n.pr/2d9rdwb

Watching old episodes of your favorite TV shows relaxes the brain and gives it an energy boost. While new shows have no effect, TV reruns rev up willpower, self control and even boost puzzle solving skills. “The restorative effect is specific to re-watching favorite television shows,” says University of Buffalo researcher Jaye Derrick. “Just watching whatever is on television does not provide the same benefit.  ***So improve your life… watch Matlock!

Giorgio Destro, from Padua in Italy, is suing Emirates Airlines because he was seated next to an obese man in economy class. Destro, who’s a lawyer, says his trip was “ruined” and that despite being a “gold member” of the airline, he was not allowed to change seats nor offered compensation or an apology by the airline. So now he’s seeking $6,000 in damages saying, “For nine hours, I had to stand in the aisle, sit on seats reserved for the cabin crew when they were free, and in the final phase of flight resign myself to suffer the “spillover” of the passenger at my side.”  ***As a fat guy myself, I’d also like to complain… about skinny, uptight narcissists who think the world revolves around them.  Isn’t this why they invented First Class?

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Research shows if you’re an innie and not an outie, your belly button is home to at least 60 to 100 or more species of bacteria, fungi and yeasts. And although researchers (N.C. State) say they found 60 or 70 species of bacteria in the average belly button, they found more than 1,400 species overall.  ***Good news, you’ll never have to feel alone ever again! 

 

William Shakespeare may have been stoned when writing his famous plays. New research shows that four old pipes found in the garden of his English home contained residues of cannabis.  ***Come to think of it, he did kinda look like “The Dude”. 

According to a study, people who are extremely obese are twice as likely to injure themselves as those who weigh less.  ***Maybe so, but if we do fall… we bounce!

Research has shown that the most likely place for lost airline luggage to turn up is the Egyptian capital of Cairo.  Other popular destinations for missing baggage include Amsterdam and Bangkok towards the top of the list, followed by Spain, the United States and Germany.  ***How unfair is it that your luggage gets a more exotic vacation than you?

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Head’s Up”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Sally Boeke, “Three Boys”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was helping out a friend’s bowling team by filling in for an absent player. He was bowling well… so well in fact that he threw three strikes in a row to win the game and move on to the next round! Unfortunately, that would mean he’d have to cancel his checkers game with Sully… for the third time!

CLOSE: Boy, Sully sure is being understanding about all of this. This is the third time that Gruffy has postponed their checkers game! But it’s great to hear Gruffy is doing so well at the bowling alley! Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 22/23

OPEN: When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were frantically trying to sell all of their possessions so they could run away from the jungle to escape a giant-footed creature that nobody has really even seen yet – just footprints. And the sales were so great, that everyone bought everyone else’s stuff, so now all of the animals have just as much stuff as they started with! Except one animal… who’s still working on his sign!

CLOSE: I’m sure Millard is just kidding about that. That is one smart skunk! Tune in again next time for more of our story, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

The great sport of Cow Fighting! What? You’ve never heard of it?

Cow Fighting. Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t sound familiar to you… it’s not really reached Olympic status. Each October in the tiny town of Martigny, the Swiss stage cow fights, pitting pregnant female cows against one another. This comes in spite of the fact that the cows have no natural desire whatsoever to fight other cows… and they can’t even be forced into fighting each other. Most of the time, the cows just stand there and moo. Here’s an even stranger fact about Cow Fighting… the winning cow (how that is determined no one really knows) is given the name “Queen of the Alps” and instantly becomes ten times more valuable than the losing cow. Even though both of them did nothing but stand there and moo.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN IRONIES

10. Needing to pay someone to help you pay your taxes.

9. That even the fanciest restaurants suffer from pest-control problems.

8. That we judge balding men by the choices they make in coping with their baldness.

7. That all good things come to an end, but some mediocre things seem to last a very long time.

6. Cults that build up huge arsenals, refuse to pay taxes, and complain that the FBI is watching over them.

5. People who refuse to see a psychologist because they don’t need to pay someone to help them out with their issues, but will gladly spend $100 a week at a tanning salon.

4. Paying a toll to cross a bridge when you know you’re going in the wrong direction.

3. That the most intense laughter you have usually comes at the least appropriate time.

2. That finding your roach traps empty only adds to your fear that they don’t work, instead of reassuring you that you don’t have roaches anymore.

1. Online pop-ups offering to help you get rid of online pop-ups advertisements.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Today’s files of Law & Disorder follow the actions of an attempted bank robbery – and the robber was 70-years-old!

FILE #1: When employees at the Foothills Bank in Wheat Ridge, Colorado saw an elderly man at the door with a cane and a surgical mask on, they went to help him. Police say 70-year-old George Chatfield then pulled a gun and tried to rob them. The vice president of the bank grabbed Chatfield’s hand and knocked the gun loose — and then sat on him until police arrived. When the cops arrived on the scene, they looked at the frail man and thought there was some confusion. Chatfield lives in an assisted living facility, and is in poor health.

FILE #2: A judge in Louisville, Ky., declared a mistrial in a murder case after discovering the defendant was convicted on the toss of a coin. The Louisville Courier-Journal reports a jury in Jefferson County Circuit Court deliberated for nine hours over two days before deciding to toss a coin when it was unable to agree on a verdict.  The defendant, Philip Givens, was thus convicted by the jury for the shooting death of his girlfriend. The jury was back in court a few days later, but by then, the judge had heard about the coin toss. The jury foreman confirmed the verdict was decided by flipping a silver dollar, and a mistrial was declared.  According to Philip’s attorney: “It kind of blows your mind. I think they had a lapse in judgment, and I’d like to think it doesn’t go on very often.”

FILE #3: A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, “Please don’t use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob.” He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, “My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken.”

STRANGE LAW: In Oregon one may not bathe without wearing “suitable clothing,” i.e., that which covers one’s body from neck to knee.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Illegal drugs may have a street value… but that doesn’t mean you can purchase gasoline with them.

Frederick County sheriff’s deputies have arrested a man after he allegedly offered store clerks marijuana to pay for gasoline. It happened at the Classic Fuels Store on Old National Pike in New Market, Maryland. Deputies said a 52-year-old man offered marijuana to pay for gasoline, and a clerk in the store called authorities. The man and his motorcycle were searched, and deputies said they found suspected cocaine, Oxycodone pills and suspected marijuana. The man was charged with possession of cocaine, marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

PHONER PHUN

Ever wanted to go skydiving? Mountain climbing? Hang gliding? Standup comedy? What have you always wanted to do that your friends and family think you’re crazy for even considering?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Name the two men who entertained angels unaware.

ANSWER: Abraham and Lot (Genesis 18)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many times a minute does the average adult elephant’s heart beat?
ANSWER: Twenty-five. (In man, the average adult heartbeat is 70 to 80 times per minute.)

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. A million tons of meteor dust falls to Earth every day. (False – it’s a thousand tons. Still, that’s a lot!)

2. Chocolate was discovered in southern Mexico. (False – it was discovered in the West Indies. It was introduced into the United States in 1765 when cocoa beans were brought from there to Dorchester, Massachusetts.)

3. Skydivers can fall as fast as 200 miles per hour. (False – their terminal velocity is 120 mph. That’s the fastest speed you can fall on Earth due to the density of the air.)

4. In 1776, making $4,000 a year was considered being wealthy. (True.)

5. During the American Revolution, many brides wore blue instead of white. (False. But many did wear red as a symbol of rebellion.)

6. Sea lions are susceptible to sunburn. (True)

7. Sea lions can get seasick. (True again! If put on board a ship, it will get as seasick as a man.)

8. Almost half the newspapers in the world are published in the United States and Canada. (True)

9. The United States was actually the second country in the world to give women the right to vote. (False – we are number sixteen! There are fifteen nations that gave women the right to vote before the United States did in 1920. The earliest were New Zealand, in 1893, Australia, in 1902, and Finland, in 1906.)

10. On Venus, the Sun rises in the north and sets in the south. (False – it rises in the west and sets in the east, the opposite of the Earth.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

DR. PHIL WARNS OF _________ (ALIEN INVASION)

LOS ANGELES – Dr. Phil announced on his show that there is an alien invasion under way and we must all prepare!

Dr. Phil shocked his studio audience yesterday when he announced that he believed “one hundred percent”  that an alien invasion is underway and that Americans, and citizens of the world, must prepare for psychologically for our new masters.

“I have studied this carefully with top leaders from governments around the world.  The evidence is overwhelming.  Aliens from Planet Zeeba  and Planet Gootan are amongst us and more are arriving every day.  We must all accept this, so that we can be happy and treat these aliens with the dignity and respect they deserve,” Dr. Phil told his audience.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

The patient is adamant. “Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . .”

“What makes you think you need all these?”

Well, replied the patient, “My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized.”

JOKE #2

“Please, your honor, I’d like to be excused from jury duty,” pleaded an anxious-looking man.

“Why should I excuse you,” asked the judge.

You see, there’s a man to whom I owe fifty dollars and he’s leaving in a few hours for a post abroad. He’ll be there for years and I want to catch him before he leaves, for it may be my last chance to repay him.”

“Excused,” stated the judge coldly. “We don’t want anyone on the jury who can lie like that.”

JOKE #3

A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he’d eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be. 
The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious pieces of gigantic steaks. 
To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they’d ever seen.

“Now see here,” the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. “Yesterday when I came down here you served me a BIG, juicy, steak. Today, though, when I have my friends invited, you serve small miniature steaks! What is the meaning of this?”

“Yes, sir,” replied the waiter, “yesterday you were sitting by the window.”

USELESS FACTS

There are a number of theories of why sailors wear bell-bottom pants. One is that bell bottoms are easier to pull on over boots. Another is that they are easier to roll up when doing chores. Others say it’s because it’s they are easier to remove if a sailor falls overboard, or that the pants could be knotted and filled with air to be used as flotation devices.  ***I think the best theory is that they just look so darn cute on the guy on the Cracker Jack box.

The Spitzer Space Telescope has discovered the biggest but never-before-seen ring around the planet Saturn. The thin array of ice and dust particles lies at the far reaches of the Saturnian system and its orbit is tilted 27 degrees from the planet’s main ring plane.  ***Not to worry though, they feel they can remove those stubborn rings using Wisk.

The ability to solve complex math problems is a trait you are born with.  ***Which means I have a birth defect.

FEATURED FUNNIES

WHAT IS THE SUM OF 2 + 2?

An accountant will say “What do you want the answer to be?”

A mathematician will say “I believe it is 4, but I will have to prove it.”

A statistician will say “The population is too small to give an accurate answer, but on the basis of the data supplied the answer lies between 3 and 5.”

An economist will say “Based on today’s thinking, the answer is 4 but the answer may be different tomorrow”.

An engineer will say “The answer is 4, but adding a safety factor we will call it 5”.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

How would you react if your spouse told you to get rid of your pet – or he’d leave you? One woman had to make the tough decision regarding her pet crocodile!

In Australia, Vicki Lowing’s husband found just how unimportant he was when he gave his wife an ultimatum — either your pet crocodile, or me. 52-year-old Vicki said there was no way she could give up her 5-foot long “Johnnie” which she says is “like a child” to her. She’s helped raise the croc for 13 years, gives it the run of the house and even lets it sleep with her son Andrew in his bed. She adopted the crocodile after it was left on her doorstep in 1996. Her husband Greg said she spent too much time with the pet and asked her to give it up in a bid to save their marriage, but she refused so the couple divorced. Ms. Lowing, a trained nurse, said, “Husbands can look after themselves but my crocodile can’t make his meals.” As her son, Andrew, is only 18 months older than the crocodile, she said the experience was “like having two children to look after”. ***MARLAR: What kind of a mother allows her kid to sleep in the same bed with a live crocodile?!?!

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

DON’T WE ALL?

One evening I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don’t want to be bothered. This was one of the “Don’t want to be bothered” times.

“I hope he doesn’t ask me for money,” I thought. He didn’t. He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop and he didn’t look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. “That’s a very nice car,” he said. He was ragged but had an air of dignity around him. I said, “Thanks,” and continued wiping off my car.

He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, ‘ask him if he needs any help.’ I was sure that he would say yes, but I held true to the inner voice.

“Do you need any help?” I asked. He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke three words that shook me.

“Don’t we all?” he said.

I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that.

You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don’t have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see.

Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.

Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, “Go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help.”

“Don’t We All?”

Author Unknown

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, . . . you have come to need milk and not solid food. –Hebrews 5:12

Hebrews 5 was addressed to believers who should have been mature enough to teach others, but they were still babes in Christ. They were like nursing infants, lacking spiritual fruit and in danger of severe discipline from the Lord. They were urged to put away childish things and to grow up.

The author wrote, “Leaving the discussion of the elementary principles of Christ, let us go on to perfection” (Heb. 6:1). The word perfection means “maturity.” The recipients of this letter were to leave the milk stage and grow up to “full age” (5:14) by feeding on the solid meat of the Word.

Many churches today have this same problem. They should be workshops but instead they are just nurseries for infants and crybabies. A vigorous church will have a “nursery” for new Christians, but when the babies don’t grow up the workers have to spend too much time being nursemaids while neglecting the rest of the family of God.

How long have you been a follower of Christ? How much have you grown? Are you a burden to your pastor and your fellow believers, or are you an encourager and a burden-bearer? The apostle Peter challenged us to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Pet. 3:18). Let’s aim for maturity.

LEFTOVERS

Maxi Sopo just couldn’t keep himself off Facebook — and it proved to be his undoing!

Maxi’s posts made it easy for police to track him down and arrest him for fraud. Sopo’s messages made it clear he was living the high life in the Mexican resort of Cancun after he allegedly obtained more than $200,000 in credit from banks under false pretenses. In recent Facebook status updates Sopo said he was “loving it”, described himself as “living in paradise” and said he was “just here to have fun”. So the 26-year-old is now in custody in Mexico City awaiting extradition to the U.S.

LIFE… LIVE IT

HOW TO RAISE A BRAT

10. Let him/her say “No.” Some parents think it’s cute when their toddler learns to talk back and say “No.”

9. Do not give any duties or responsibilities. When you do everything for your child and never give them responsibilities, they will grow up believing the world owes them a living.

8. Never discipline them. Listen to the professionals who believe that proper discipline will hurt the child psychologically.

7. Defend them in school. No matter what happened or who is at fault, always take your child’s side. After all, your child never does anything wrong.

6. Give them everything they want.  Buy them something every time you go shopping. You never say “No” to them. Instead, when they ask for something you do everything to make sure they have it.

5. Let your child come and go as they please.  Don’t set any boundaries; after all, brats don’t need guidelines.

4. Make sure they are popular. They have to be with the “in crowd.” Never let them become an oddball. After all, the “in crowd” is the best influence they will have in their lives.

3. Let them watch TV continually. Never monitor what they watch. After all, TV is educational!  Except for today’s reality shows, they will grow up thinking they live in a fantasy world. With reality shows, they will learn how to trample and deceive others to get ahead.

2. Never instruct your child to be polite to adults. Politeness? What’s that? Who needs Emily Post these days.

1. Don’t ever say “I Love You!”  Sure, they can figure this one out for themselves. You give them everything they could ever wish for.

JUST FOR FUN

EWWW

While you might not think a law like this would even be necessary, Las Vegas city officials have made it illegal to sleep within 500 feet of urine or feces. It was part of a bill making it a misdemeanor to go to the bathroom in public. However, the city attorney says the new law was passed by mistake and won’t be enforced. Sweet dreams!  ***MARLAR: And be sure you flush the toilet if you get up in the middle of the night – otherwise you’re a criminal!

FUN LIST

WHAT DID YOUR FRIEND JUST SAY?

Not up on all the lingo being used around you?  We have a crash-course on talking like a teenager!

Sorry, parents, but if you don’t know the lingo you’ll be left scratching your head. So you know what your kid and his friends are saying, here’s a translator:

  • all up in my biznezz – when someone is meddling in your affairs or dealings.
  • all up in my grill – the act of being in someone’s face.
  • bent – a skewed impression of reality. “You got me bent, I ain’t like that.”
  • betty – an old school term for a girl/lady “Man, look at that fine looking Betty”
  • clownin’ – to make fun of someone. “Man, you tryin to clown on me?”
  • flossin’ – show off ones belongings or wealth. Often while driving, showing your vehicle, its nice rims, your new jacket, etc. “I just hung a right on Main St. Now I’m just flossin’.”
  • for sheezy – (derived from “for sure”) A statement of agreement. “Are you sure you want to do that?” “For sheezy!”
  • grain – money. “Hey mom, hook me up with some grain.”
  • hooptie – A 1972 Oldsmobile or car of the like. An old beat up car.
  • mad hops – an incredible ability to jump high. “He has mad hops.”
  • no diggity – no doubt
  • off your rector – (derived from “off your rector scale”) Acting out of control. Rambunctious. “Girl, you are off your rector. Now get down off the top of his car!”
  • salty – To have a bad attitude towards someone or something. “Don’t be get’n salty with me.”
  • selling woof tickets – Trying to get someone to believe a falsity. Spreading lies. “Girl, you be jawsin… you’re jus’ selling woof tickets.”
  • squirrel – a hot female. “Check out that squirrel.”
  • step off – a retort used to warn someone to back away. “You betta step-off!”
  • troop – a long walk or trip, “Taco Bell? That’s a troop and a half.”

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SEEING THE LIGHT

If you don’t mind having your intelligence insulted, Carmarthenshire County in South Wales is the place to live. The county’s council recently produced a guide explaining what daylight is. It also defines children and pedestrians. It says daylight is all other times than darkness, children are people under 16 and pedestrians are road users on foot. A spokeswoman for the council said: “The terms are . . . aimed to clarify exactly what the terms mean so there’s no confusion.”  ***MARLAR: So, who’s going to clarify the clarifications?  If you have to have “daylight” explained to you, you don’t need to be on the road.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Researchers who set out to determine if the adage “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” is actually true have found it a bit more complicated. The study concluded that people who consumed apples daily were not less likely to stay overnight at a hospital or visit a mental health professional, but they were likely to use fewer prescription medications. http://ti.me/1GHspkp

PepsiCo has set a target for reducing the amount of sugar in its soft drinks around the world as part of a suite of goals aimed at tackling problems ranging from obesity to climate change. According to NBC News, The New York-based company will announce on Monday that by 2025 at least two thirds of its drinks will have 100 calories or fewer from added sugar per 12 oz serving.  http://nbcnews.to/2dYDR3Z

Want a different summer experience in 2017? Open doors Youth is taking applications right now for individuals who want to help the ministry run kids camps for Syrian refugees in Lebanon. Of the approximately 1.5 million Syrian refugees in Lebanon, at least half are children. Having been exposed to the atrocities of war and displacement, these children are greatly in need of Christ’s love and healing. Open Doors Partners with local churches to organize children’s’ camps throughout the year in response to the grave needs in their community. http://www.opendoorsyouth.org/travel

A new video from Dr. James Dobson this week gives tongue-in-cheek examples of how not to build great relationship with your children.  http://ow.ly/Xyfm305kMOO

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life. This, of course, is only a statistical estimate and the actual first day of the rest of your life is subject to change without notice.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

OCTOBER 21, 2016…

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back—Tom Cruise glides into this role of Jack Reacher, who always seems to have a bad temper.  In this film, (from novels by Lee Child) Reacher has a female partner, Susan (Cobie Smulders) and they are on the run from the bad guys. “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back” is rated R. Rating of 2 for Jack Reacher fans.

In A Valley Of Violence—Here we have a small mining town and along comes trouble in the form a guy passing through (Ethan Hawke). Sheriff John Travolta gets drawn into Hawke’s life when Hawke is challenged to a fight by James Ransone, local bully. “In A Valley Of Violence” is rated R. No rating.

Moonlight—It’s tough being a young black man in today’s society, and  Mom Naomie Harris helps in every way she can. The cast includes Trevente Rhodes, Mahershala Ali and Andre Holland. “Moonlight” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Ouija: Origin of Evil—Halloween isn’t far away, and here comes a horror film that continues in the path of the 2014 film, “Ouija.”  Oh, those game boards. This is actually a prequel to the first film and has a mother and daughter doing false seances when one becomes possessed. Stars Elizabeth Reaser, Analise Basso and Kate Siegel..  “Ouija: Origin Of Evil” is rated R. No rating.

Tyler Perry’s Boo! A Madea Halloween—Actor/Director/Producer Tyler Perry again takes on the persona of “Madea,” who can command a room at thirty paces. This time, Madea takes on Halloween while visiting her niece, Diamond White.  Nothing more need be said. Also in the cast are Bella Thorne and Andre Hall. “Tyler Perry’s Boo! A Madea Halloween” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

American Pastoral—Philip Roth wrote a novel about a man dealing with a daughter (a now grown up Dakota Fanning) and her striking, dangerous beliefs. Ewan McGregor stars (and directs) this film. What is a parent to do?  Also in the cast is Jennifer Connelly. “American Pastoral” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

*A Note: when Dakota Fanning was a child, she was in my town promoting “Dreamer” about a race horse. I had a chance to listen to her play the piano in preparation for her participation in a piano recital when she returned to her home. She was good, well mannered and at ease with the press.

Keeping Up With The Joneses—Would you want to keep up with this Jones family of Jon Hamm and Gal Gadot? In this comedy, they are the new neighbors of Isla Fisher and Zach Galifianakis, who have free time when their kids are off to camp. Hmm. Just what is going on next door, anyway? “Keeping Up With The Joneses is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.

A Monster Calls—A young boy (Lewis MacDougall) has much to contend with.  A family member is dying, his grandmother (Sigourney Weaver) seems uncaring, and what to do?  A large tree in the backyard comes alive to help the boy deal with these problems and others. Liam Neeson is the voice of the tree. Adapted from a novel by Patrick Ness. “A Monster Calls” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans of the book.

OCTOBER 28, 2016…

The Eagle Huntress, is a beautifully photographed documentary of a young Mongolism girl who wants to train eagles.

Inferno has Tom Hanks once again played Robert Langdon in the latest of the Dan Brown novels.

Rings and the traveling tape video is back just in time for Halloween.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.