October 22, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161022

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Even though I’m a famous disc jockey, not everyone recognizes me when I travel. So I always carry my American Express Card application. They won’t give me a card… so I have to show them my application.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” — Psalm 119:11

Be careful not to do your “acts of righteousness” before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. –Matthew 6:1

I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart. — Psalm 40:8

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. — Proverbs 18:24

Thought: Who are your closest friends? Good friends are hard to come by in a world of superficial acquaintances and shallow relationships. “Hanging with the crowd” can give us a false sense of belonging, but often leaves us wounded and alone in times of trouble. Open, honest, supportive, and loving relationships don’t happen without investment. Ask the Lord to lead you to close friends in his family. Minister to and serve those around you. Listen to their requests, faithfully upholding them in prayer. Spend time in Christian service with other servant believers. Join yourself to a Bible study or accountability group. As you do, trust that God will give you that “stick-through-thick-and-thin-friend.” Companions are easy to find, but can be unreliable. Development of Christian friends is an investment of effort and time, but they are friends with whom we will share forever.

Prayer: Precious God, I thank you for my friends (include the names of friends). Please, dear Father, lead me into the life of someone this week who needs me to be his or her friend. Bless all those who read Today’s Verse with a Christian friend that will help them in their walk with you. Thank you so much, dear Father, for my greatest friend, Jesus, in whose name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

Hebrews 10:22 NIV = let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – OCTOBER 22, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
65 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

INTERNATIONAL STUTTERING AWARENESS DAY. ***Why does a word like “stuttering” have so many S’s and T’s in it?

Today is NATIONAL PUMPKIN SLUSH DAY. ***Isn’t this something you find in the street the day after Halloween? Sounds like a new Slurpee flavor at 7-Eleven.

This is NATIONAL SCHOOL BUS SAFETY WEEK. ***Great vehicles for creating pumpkin slush.

Today is NATIONAL NUT DAY.  ***Thank you. Thank you, very much.

Speaking of nuts, today is WORLD’S END DAY. According to religious leader William Miller, the world will end on this date in 1844.  ***Gee, I hope he’s not right.

Today is NATIONAL BARBER DAY. ***Unless the world really did end in 1844 – at which point you won’t need one.

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Caps Locks Day

Make a Difference Day

Pit Bull Awareness Day

Smart Is Cool Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23

iPod Day

Mother-in-Law Day

National Mole Day

Swallows Depart From San Juan Capistrano Day

TV Talk Show Host Day

Xterra World Championships

MONDAY, OCTOBER 24

Food Day

Lung Health Day

World Development Information Day

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 25

Chucky, The Notorious Killer Doll Day

International Artists Day

Sourest Day

World Pasta Day

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 26

Howl At The Moon Night

Intersex Awareness Day

Mule Day

National Day of the Deployed

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 27

Cranky Co-Workers Day

Navy Day

World Day for Audiovisual Heritage

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28

Champagne Day

International Bandana Day

National Breadsticks Day

National Chocolate Day

St. Jude’s Day

Frankenstein Friday

SATURDAY OCTOBER 29

Internet Day

National Cat Day

World Psoriasis Day

National Forgiveness Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30

Checklist Day

Create a Great Funeral Day

Devil’s Night/Mischief Night

Haunted Refrigerator Night

National Candy Corn Day

Reformation Sunday

Visit a Cemetery Day

MONDAY, OCTOBER 31

Beggar’s Night

Books for Treats Day

Day of the Seven Billion

Girl Scout Founder’s Day

Halloween/All Hallows Eve

National Caramel Apple Day

National Knock-Knock Jokes Day

National Magic Day

National UNICEF Day

Samhain

World Cities Day

ON THIS DAY

1922: Chester Carlson patented the electrostatic copy machine. ***And in true copier fashion, everyone else tried to come up with their own versions.

1934: 33-year-old Charles “Pretty Boy” Floyd died in an Ohio cornfield after being shot eight times by FBI agents. ***”Pretty Boy” wasn’t a real accurate description after that.

1950: The Los Angeles Rams set an NFL record by embarrassing the Baltimore Colts 70-27. It was a record score for a regular season game.

1962: President Kennedy announced an air and naval blockade of Cuba, following the discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island.

1964: EMI Records turned down a chance to sign the group High Numbers. So they changed their name back to The Who and signed with Decca. ***Who are the High Numbers? (Exactly.) Exactly are the High Numbers? (No, Who is.) That’s what I’M asking! (What?) The High Numbers! (Yes.) Who are they! (That’s right.) What’s right?!?!? (No… WHO’s right.) Who’s right? (Correct.) Who are the High Numbers? (Exactly.) I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING!!

1986: U.S. President Ronald Reagan signed The Tax Reform Act of 1986 backwards, writing his last name first. The action was legal, though apparently unprecedented in U.S. history. ***Hey, our tax structure is completely backwards, so why not sign it that way?

1992: Thieves in South Yorkshire, England, stole a truck loaded with 43-thousand cans of beer—all past their expiration date.

1995: Charley Boswell died in Birmingham at age 78. Blinded in World War II, he was the nation’s most famous blind golfer, winning 28 titles. A caddy told him where to shoot. His celebrity tournament raised millions for Birmingham’s Eye Foundation Hospital.

2003: A 37-year-old woman landed in Santa Cruze, California, after allegedly robbing a bank and then waiting in the parking lot for police to arrive. Police say the woman took $857, walked outside, and got into her pickup truck to wait for officers to arrive. She put up no struggle, and the money was recovered.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

451: During the Fifth Session of the Council of Chalcedon, the final form of the Chalcedonian Creed was drafted. It became the Early Church’s highest and most enduring “definition” of the person and work of Jesus Christ.

1844: The “Great Disappointment” began when this latest date, set for the return of Christ by religious leader William Miller, passed without event. Over 100,000 disillusioned followers returned to their former churches, or abandoned the Christian faith altogether.

1899: American Presbyterian missionary James B. Rodgers, 34, baptized his first Filipino converts to the Christian faith, thus inaugurating the beginning of Philippine Protestant churches.

1952: The complete Jewish Torah was published in English for the first time. A collection of oral and written commentary (dating 200 BC to AD 500) on the first five books of the Old Testament, the Torah comprises the basic religious code of Judaism.

1966: Swiss Reformed theologian Karl Barth declared in a letter: ‘God makes no mistakes.’

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Model/actress/Donald Trump’s ex-wife, Marla Maples, 53

  • Actor (the holographic Doc Zimmerman on “Star Trek: Voyager”) Robert Picardo, 63 (audio clip)

  • actor (Jurassic Park, Independence Day) Jeff Goldblum 64

  • Mouseketeer/actress Annette Funicello 74

  • Actor (Monty Python, A Fish Called Wanda, Rat Race) John Cleese, 77

    actor (“Taxi,” Back to the Future, Angels in the Outfield) Christopher Lloyd is 78 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1832 : Leopold Damrosch

1942 : Annette Funicello

1942 : Bobby Fuller (The Bobby Fuller Four)

1945 : Leslie West (Mountain)

1946 : Eddie Brigati (The Young Rascals)

1968 : Shaggy

1985 : Zac Hanson (Hanson)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we call anti-aircraft fire — and criticism aimed at prominent people — flak?

For many of the first Allied bomber pilots in World War I, bombing raids over German positions must have seemed like turkey shoots. If enemy planes didn’t come up to meet them, they could drop their bombs at will. Rifle fire from German troops on the ground posed little threat to their success or safety. That changed with the development of the Fliegerabwehrkanone, or anti-bomber canon. Can’t pronounce it? Neither could Allied pilots. But how can you brag to your comrades about what a rough time you had without naming your nemesis? So they resorted to an abbreviation: F.L.A.K., to describe what was fired from that gun. Flak also became a metaphor for criticism fired at prominent people. And PR people today who use all available ammunition — sometimes even the facts — to shoot down criticism of their clients are also called flaks.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Building 429’s Jason Roy posted his workout and said: I double dawg dare ya. Looks so easy… but it’s death on wheels. The workout included five reps of 400 meters, 40 walking lunges, 30 squats, and 20 box jumps.

It’s been a tough run for Casting Crown’s Melodee Devevo. She posted: Satan sticking it to me one more time on this long run. Had 2 take such a cold shower that my head still hurts 4 hrs later!

Advice from the band Hawk Nelson. Do not wear glow in the dark shoes when playing laser tag.

Kutless member James Mead is offering the use of one of the band’s songs to the Oregon Beavers. He posted: hey Beaver football, you guys should use my song “Tear It Up” because we are from Oregon and I’m a huge beavers fan.

Francesca Battistelli is celebrating a new taste treat. She posted: For years I assumed avocado toast would be redundant. Just eat them separately, I thought. It can’t be THAT delicious, I thought. Oh how very wrong I was.

Audio Adrenaline’s Dave Stovall has a unique way of packing for tour. He posted a short video as he simply poured a laundry basket full of clean clothes into his suitcase. https://www.instagram.com/p/BLJJU5_BxFc/

Good news from the band Switchfoot; there were no broken bones during the day on Tuesday and they were all still able to play their concert in Boston that evening. The band got some boards as well as some training during the day on Tuesday from pro skateboarder Brian Bishop.

Zach Williams is out with a new story behind the song video. The video tells the story behind Zach’s new song called Chain Breaker. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzjSpM2Eq1w&sns=em

Jamie Grace released a new cover video this week. Her latest project is a cover of Hawk Nelson’s “California!” https://youtu.be/pn3N640TUC8

Some good news from Plumb. Her toe has been red and swollen since she hurt it in August. Today she finally went to the doctor for an x-ray and found that it is just badly jammed, not broken. Plumb said: it will just take being taped to another toe and ice and time for healing.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Superman’s Briefs”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Cecile Kaiser, “Public Restroom”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Gruffy Bear was doing so well filling in for a bowler in a tournament that he had to cancel the checkers game he promised to Sully. In fact, this is the third time Gruffy has canceled the game… and while Sully is disappointed, at least he’s being supportive…

CLOSE: You had to see that one coming, didn’t you? Gruffy has to decide again whether or not he’s going to keep his promise to Sully, or if he’s going to break his promise so he can help out his new bowling friends. What will he do? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 22/23

OPEN: When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were frantically trying to sell all of their possessions so they could run away from the jungle to escape a giant-footed creature that nobody has really even seen yet – just footprints. And the sales were so great, that everyone bought everyone else’s stuff, so now all of the animals have just as much stuff as they started with! Except one animal… who’s still working on his sign!

CLOSE: I’m sure Millard is just kidding about that. That is one smart skunk! Tune in again next time for more of our story, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A non-thinking police officer sniffs the contents of an envelope to see if it’s anthrax!

A police officer in Claremont, South Africa was called to the home of a man that received a strange letter in the mail. The officer was given an envelope containing a powder to investigate. The outside of the envelope had a skull and crossbones and the words ”What do you wish for – Death or Anthrax?” Nevertheless, this police officer opened the envelope anyway, stuck his nose inside, took a sniff, and declared, ”this is baby powder.” And what says the man who received the envelope in the mail? ”I seriously think that they need to be trained.”

TOP TEN

TOP TEN FAMOUS LAST WORDS

10. This will be a short meeting.

9. Your table will be ready in 5 minutes.

8. When it says empty there’s always a gallon or two left.

7. That’s not poison ivy.

6. You can put it together yourself in 5 minutes.

5. Get a tail light later, the police will never stop you for that.

4. Relax, the boss always takes over an hour for lunch.

3. Trust me, no one’s dressing up.

2. Those aren’t rain clouds.

1. Don’t worry, my wife loves meeting new people.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Who needs video surveillance when you have crooks that make the videos for you?

FILE #1: A Brazilian gang recently pulled off the master crime of breaking into a photo shop and stealing cameras. To prove their bravado, the gang took pictures of themselves in the act. They then sent the photos to be developed at the very same shop they robbed. Needless to say, employees recognized the banditos and police made the arrest.

FILE #2: A Manchester, New Hampshire, man faces charges after taking an unattended street sweeper out for a joy ride. The sweeper was being used in a downtown parking garage and the operator had left the machine temporarily. That’s when police say Michael Moran hopped on and started it up. Moran traveled several blocks before he was caught by people chasing him. Police have charged him with taking the sweeper without the owner’s permission and, yes, drunken driving.

FILE #3: A woman in West Midlands, England was attempting to rob a post office when things didn’t go as planned. You see, the woman — who was carrying a crowbar — threatened the counter clerk, who refused to cooperate. So, an ensuing struggle broke out and the robber accidentally hit herself on the head with the crowbar, and cut herself with the hook end. So she decided to run – and while doing so, got her shirt caught on something and ripped it in two.

STRANGE LAW: In Wisconsin, butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A man tries to kick the drinking habit… but ends up breaking the law to do it!

It’s always a good idea to try and stop a terrible habit… especially if that habit is drinking heavily. It’s not only unhealthy for you, but can be dangerous to those around you as well. So you have to look up to one man that wanted to stop drinking… but the way he went about it was not really that bright. You see, his idea was to stay sober by serving part of a friend’s jail sentence to see whether he could fool the justice system. The problem was that he came up with this brilliant idea… while drunk. The man posed as his friend and started a one-month drunk-driving sentence, but was discovered after two weeks in jail. A court has since found him guilty of perjury and wrongful use of another person’s identity. He may now be serving his sentence along with his friend who still has to serve the original sentence.

PHONER PHUN

Best invention ever created… what is it? (Or what should be invented that hasn’t been yet?)

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Why did Hannah agonize in prayer in worship at Shiloh?

ANSWER: She asked God for a son. (1 Samuel 1:11)

QUESTION: As a general classification, what type of birds was Israel forbidden to eat?

ANSWER: The vulturous type (Leviticus 11:13)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is the least-liked vegetable of all time?

ANSWER: The turnip.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. More than half a billion yo-yos have been sold in the United States. (True.)

2. Actor Robert Redford was disqualified from the Navy’s pilot training program during World War II because he was color blind. (False – that was Paul Newman)

3. Scientists discover 7,000 to 10,000 new insect species every year. (True – and it is believe that there are between 1 million and 10 million species yet unfound.)

4. A camel can lose up to 30 percent of its body weight in perspiration and continue to cross the desert. (True – a human would die of heat shock after sweating away only 12 percent of body weight.)

5. German chocolate cake did not originate in Germany. (True – in 1852, Sam German developed a sweet baking bar for Baker’s Chocolate Co. The product was named in honor of him — Baker’s German’s Sweet Chocolate.)

6. Speaking of chocolate, California is the only U.S. state that grows cacao beans to produce chocolate. (False – Hawaii is the only state that does so)

7. Per capita, the Irish eat more chocolate than Americans. (True – in fact, they also eat more than the Swedes, Danes, French, or Italians.)

8. The blue whale is the largest animal that ever lived. (True – reaching 100 feet (30.4 m) in length and weighing 150 tons. The largest dinosaur, Argentinosaurus, was estimated to weigh 110 tons.)

9. The largest ketchup bottle is a 70 ft tall water tower. (False – it’s 170 ft tall!)

10. The largest volcano in our solar system is found not on a planet, but on a moon. (False – Olympus Mons, a volcano found on the planet Mars, is the largest volcano found in solar system. It is 370 miles across and rises 15 miles.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

OBAMA TO BAN ________ IN THE UNITED STATES! (COWS)

Obama launched his latest Climate Change initiative – he is banning cows in America!

President Obama and his administration are taking aggressive steps to bypass Congress in an effort to stop Climate Change – which they feel is the biggest problem facing mankind today.

A new study out of Harvard has confirmed that cows are the primary cause of methane gas in the atmosphere and that gas is the primary cause of global warming, which causes Climate Change.  ”If we get rid of cows, we can save the planet.  Cows and oil – the deadly duo,” said one White House insider.

It’s true. Cow farts and burps contain huge amounts of methane, this is because of their slow digestive systems. Not only cows, even farts and burps released by other animals can cause global warming.

Cow farts are made up of several gases. One among them is methane (CH4), a gas that is 23 times more powerful than carbon dioxide.

Methane when present in small amounts in the environment helps in trapping warm air around the planet. However, large amounts of methane can lead to thickness of the green house gas layer in the air which is not a very good thing.

Scientists say that on an average a dairy cow releases about 1,100 to 2,000 liters of methane gas in the form of farts that causes pollution. Therefore in that case, the pollution produced by a car in a day is about one-tenth of that produced by cow farts.

The Administration strongly feels that we should ban cows in America as a sign to t he rest of the world.  ”Cows kills the atmosphere and the atmosphere destroys the planet.  Therefore, cows destroy the planet.  They must all die,” said a White House insider.

What about milk?  ”The President hates milk.  He never drinks it.  So, he figures what’s good for him is good for the country,” said a top  White House advisor.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases.

When a clerk approached him and asked, “What would you like?” he answered, “I’d like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish.”

Then with a sigh he added, “But I’ll take an oat-bran muffin.”

JOKE #2

An old man limped into the doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!”

The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, “Sir, how old are you?”

“I’m 98,” the man announced proudly.

The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, “Sir, I’m sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you’re complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?”

The old man said, “Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn’t hurt!”

JOKE #3

PRACTICAL JOKES YOU CAN PULL ON A VAMPIRE

  • The old rubber stake gag

  • Moving them so they wake up in a house of mirrors

  • Invite them to a sunrise service

  • “Wait a minute! That’s ketchup!”

USELESS FACTS

Playing with puppies and kittens has been proven to relieve stress and help students perform better on tests.  ***But just try telling your teacher that when you show up for finals holding a beagle.

A caterpillar grows roughly 27,000 times its size when it first emerges as an egg.  ***So stop giving me a hard time when I gain ten pounds over the holidays.

FEATURED FUNNIES

TATTOOED

I couldn’t help overhearing a man on a nearby cell phone.  “I know it’s something you want,” he said earnestly, “but I don’t think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you’re living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes. Besides, Mom, you’re 75 years old! You don’t NEED a tattoo!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

UPSET WITCHES

There will be no Halloween parties at one school district in Washington state.

According to a Seattle TV station, a spokeswoman for the Puyallup School District said there were three reasons that the parties will be canceled. The first reason was that Halloween parties and parades waste valuable classroom time. The second reason was that some families can’t afford costumes. The third reason is that it may offend real witches. She said schools have had complaints from followers of the Wiccan religion who are offended at the way Halloween is celebrated.  ***MARLAR: The witches are offended?!?  Excuse me, but Christians have been offended by schools celebrating Halloween for generations – and yet NOTHING has been done. Now suddenly a much smaller religious group steps up and says, “Hey, we don’t like it when you celebrate Halloween” and suddenly we’re canceling it?

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Want to know why you should be a witness for Jesus Christ? Because He died for all, and therefore, all died. Because you died with Christ, you should no longer live for yourself (2 Corinthians 5:15). Because you no longer live for yourself, you are no longer the same person you were. “What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun” (v. 17)!
God has given you, as a “new creation” believer, the task of reconciling people to Him (v. 18). Your message of reconciliation is this:
“For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. This is the wonderful message he has given us to tell others” (v. 19). Legally, the world has already been forgiven in Christ; thus, your job is to be His ambassador, imploring people on Christ’s behalf to be reconciled to God (v. 20).
The conclusion? You are dead to your former life and thus unconcerned about public opinion. You live only to inform the lost that Jesus reconciled them to God. Some will receive, some will reject, but all must be told. That, dear ambassador, is your mission!

By Larry Stockstill

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

(modified from Campus Journal)

Are you single, but dating? Is that relationship Godly, or just a dating relationship?

Kenneth and Barbara have been together for a longtime. In fact, they fell in love at first sight. I met them both several years ago and was floored by their charisma and charm. They’re the hippest, coolest people you’d ever want to meet. Yet you don’t have to be on the A-list to be called their friend.

Kenneth and Barbara are invited to all the best parties, keep up with all the latest styles and trends, drive expensive cars, and travel to exotic places. They seem to have everything they could ever want, and you’ll never catch either of them without a smile.

But now I’m beginning to wonder if it’s all just superficial. They never seem to have any meaningful conversations. They don’t spend much time alone with each other. On the outside they seem to have a terrific time, but I wonder if they know that there’s so much more to life–and love.

What about that person you’re seeing pretty regularly now? It probably started out with a dinner, maybe a date. Just hanging out, having a little fun. But are you serious about trying to develop a friendship with that person, or just serious about being seen with a steady date?

If you’re both Christians, I trust that there’s more to your relationship than having a few laughs. More than having someone to go places with so you don’t have to go alone. More than the other person’s money and willingness to spend it on you. More than fitting in with your friends who keep pairing off and leaving you behind.

Nothing will deepen your connection more than praying together (Matthew 18:19-20). Talk about what the Lord is doing in your lives. Read the Bible together. Ask each other for advice about dealing with difficult situations at home, or problems at work or school. Share your goals for the future. Really get to know each other and do things that show the other person you care.

Ken and Barbie are still together–and will be for a very long time, I suspect. But their “love” will always be only skin-deep.

LEFTOVERS

BUS A MOVE

A toddler jumps onto a bus and takes off – and no one notices!

A Hong Kong toddler who just loves watching buses got the ride of his life after sneaking onto a double-decker which zipped him half way across town. The boy, barely 21 months old, slipped away from his brother on Thursday while they were playing and was only discovered on the bus about an hour later. It was not clear why the driver or other passengers didn’t notice him sooner. When finally reunited with his anxious mom and dad, he excitedly repeated: “Buses! I like buses.” ***MARLAR: Mom and Dad were thinking more along the lines of “Busted! You are busted!”

LIFE… LIVE IT

KEEP THE TARGET AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE THIS HALLOWEEN

Good Housekeeping has these tips to make your home less of a target for Halloween gags:

  • Be friendly when you hand out candy.

  • Place jack-o’-lanterns in windows, rather than on steps or walkways, so they can’t be kicked over or smashed.

  • Keep exterior lights on all night – even after the trick-or-treaters are all in bed asleep.

  • Play loud music or turn up the TV so sounds come from the house.

  • Make sure walkways are clear and well lit.

  • Put cars in the garage or cover them with a tarp.

  • Store trashcans inside; put away bikes, lawn equipment, yard decorations, and anything that’s portable.

  • Keep pets indoors.

JUST FOR FUN

PHONY FEATURES

As if our cell phones aren’t complex enough as it is, there are some that are asking for even MORE features… and you won’t believe some of the requests!

I have a cell phone; it’s a nice one. It stores all the numbers that come in, that I dial out, it has voice dial, one touch dialing, even a recording device for me to record a little memo to myself. But it doesn’t have a little flap-up mirror – so I guess it’s a useless piece of garbage. Some people in Scandinavia actually think that way. Scandinavian cell phone users are demanding more and more features for their units. Aside from that flap-out mirror idea for women “on the go,” other ideas include a fire alarm for executives staying at hotels, features that could measure elevation, wind force and air pressure, cell phones with a built-in flashlight, and there was even the idea suggested of equipping cell phones with a small stick with which weight-conscious users could penetrate their hamburger or salad to measure calories. ***MARLAR: If you ever get to the point that you need to have a calorie thermometer on your cell phone, you might want to consider a dietary change.

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOU’RE NOT VERY TECH SAVVY

  • You think “Bluetooth” was a pirate.

  • You spent $50 on a “DVD rewinder.”

  • You don’t have any problems with spam email… not because you have good spam filters, but because you can’t figure out how to set your email up.

  • You went through 3 mice before realizing they weren’t supposed to be used like gas pedals in your new NASCAR simulator.

  • You have wireless internet, but only because you yanked the phone cord out of your wall in frustration.

  • You’re not sure what Myspace and YouTube are, but you found this amazing website with dancing hamsters called “Hamster Dance.”

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

DEER, DEER, DEER

We take baths ourselves, we bath our children, we bathe our pets, but bathing wildlife might not be all that common – but a deer got a full bubble bath in a Pennsylvania couple’s home!

It’s the case of the buck in the bubble bath. Connie Beck and her husband were awakened by a crash in their Howard, Pennsylvania, home. Beck figured their house had been hit by a tornado. It had been hit all right, but by a male deer. The buck ran past the couple’s bedroom and into the bath. Somehow the animal managed to turn on the water in the tub and knocked over a bottle of bubble bath in the process. When game wardens arrived, they found the deer in the bubbly water. The officers subdued the animal with tranquilizers. A little later, the clean and sweet-smelling deer was released in the wild.  ***MARLAR: “Dear, are you taking a bath up there? Dear? Can you hear me dear?”

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Researchers who set out to determine if the adage “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” is actually true have found it a bit more complicated. The study concluded that people who consumed apples daily were not less likely to stay overnight at a hospital or visit a mental health professional, but they were likely to use fewer prescription medications. http://ti.me/1GHspkp

PepsiCo has set a target for reducing the amount of sugar in its soft drinks around the world as part of a suite of goals aimed at tackling problems ranging from obesity to climate change. According to NBC News, The New York-based company will announce on Monday that by 2025 at least two thirds of its drinks will have 100 calories or fewer from added sugar per 12 oz serving.  http://nbcnews.to/2dYDR3Z

Want a different summer experience in 2017? Open doors Youth is taking applications right now for individuals who want to help the ministry run kids camps for Syrian refugees in Lebanon. Of the approximately 1.5 million Syrian refugees in Lebanon, at least half are children. Having been exposed to the atrocities of war and displacement, these children are greatly in need of Christ’s love and healing. Open Doors Partners with local churches to organize children’s’ camps throughout the year in response to the grave needs in their community. http://www.opendoorsyouth.org/travel

A new video from Dr. James Dobson this week gives tongue-in-cheek examples of how not to build great relationship with your children.  http://ow.ly/Xyfm305kMOO

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Now, today’s gambling tip for anyone who plans to buy a lottery ticket today. Just send me the dollar, and I’ll tell you that you didn’t win.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

OCTOBER 21, 2016…

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back—Tom Cruise glides into this role of Jack Reacher, who always seems to have a bad temper.  In this film, (from novels by Lee Child) Reacher has a female partner, Susan (Cobie Smulders) and they are on the run from the bad guys. “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back” is rated R. Rating of 2 for Jack Reacher fans.

In A Valley Of Violence—Here we have a small mining town and along comes trouble in the form a guy passing through (Ethan Hawke). Sheriff John Travolta gets drawn into Hawke’s life when Hawke is challenged to a fight by James Ransone, local bully. “In A Valley Of Violence” is rated R. No rating.

Moonlight—It’s tough being a young black man in today’s society, and  Mom Naomie Harris helps in every way she can. The cast includes Trevente Rhodes, Mahershala Ali and Andre Holland. “Moonlight” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Ouija: Origin of Evil—Halloween isn’t far away, and here comes a horror film that continues in the path of the 2014 film, “Ouija.”  Oh, those game boards. This is actually a prequel to the first film and has a mother and daughter doing false seances when one becomes possessed. Stars Elizabeth Reaser, Analise Basso and Kate Siegel..  “Ouija: Origin Of Evil” is rated R. No rating.

Tyler Perry’s Boo! A Madea Halloween—Actor/Director/Producer Tyler Perry again takes on the persona of “Madea,” who can command a room at thirty paces. This time, Madea takes on Halloween while visiting her niece, Diamond White.  Nothing more need be said. Also in the cast are Bella Thorne and Andre Hall. “Tyler Perry’s Boo! A Madea Halloween” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

American Pastoral—Philip Roth wrote a novel about a man dealing with a daughter (a now grown up Dakota Fanning) and her striking, dangerous beliefs. Ewan McGregor stars (and directs) this film. What is a parent to do?  Also in the cast is Jennifer Connelly. “American Pastoral” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

*A Note: when Dakota Fanning was a child, she was in my town promoting “Dreamer” about a race horse. I had a chance to listen to her play the piano in preparation for her participation in a piano recital when she returned to her home. She was good, well mannered and at ease with the press.

Keeping Up With The Joneses—Would you want to keep up with this Jones family of Jon Hamm and Gal Gadot? In this comedy, they are the new neighbors of Isla Fisher and Zach Galifianakis, who have free time when their kids are off to camp. Hmm. Just what is going on next door, anyway? “Keeping Up With The Joneses is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.

A Monster Calls—A young boy (Lewis MacDougall) has much to contend with.  A family member is dying, his grandmother (Sigourney Weaver) seems uncaring, and what to do?  A large tree in the backyard comes alive to help the boy deal with these problems and others. Liam Neeson is the voice of the tree. Adapted from a novel by Patrick Ness. “A Monster Calls” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans of the book.

OCTOBER 28, 2016…

The Eagle Huntress, is a beautifully photographed documentary of a young Mongolism girl who wants to train eagles.

Inferno has Tom Hanks once again played Robert Langdon in the latest of the Dan Brown novels.

Rings and the traveling tape video is back just in time for Halloween.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.