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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151023
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Aaah! I love the smell of a warm microphone in the morning!!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever. –Isaiah 40:8
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? –Matthew 6:25
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. — Galatians 6:2
Thought: I feel so burdened myself, that sometimes I can’t even see others burdens. But Jesus reminds me that if I am to be like him, I will be a burden carrier. This is why he came, why he died, and why his resurrection is so important — to lift from us the burdens of sin, death, and depravity. He has blessed us by carrying our heaviest burdens so that we might lighten the load of those around us.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Hebrews 10:23 NIV = Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
TODAY IS FRIDAY – OCTOBER 23, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 63 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
NATIONAL SAVE YOUR BACK WEEK begins today. ***MARLAR: I won’t be bending over backwards to celebrate it though. (See below.)
Today is TV TALK SHOW HOST DAY. ***MARLAR: I say we give all TV talk show hosts the day off today. It’d be the only day of television worth watching!
Traditionally, the SWALLOWS LEAVE CAPISTRANO today. ***MARLAR: At least, according to their Blackberries.
Today is NATIONAL MOLE DAY. ***MARLAR: The question is WHICH kind of mole are we talking about? The little varmints that destroy your lawn and live underground, or that thingie on Cindy Crawford’s face? Either way, we should get rid of it! (Actually, it has nothing to do with either one – this day actually commemorates Avogadro’s Number, which is the basic measuring unit in chemistry. But how much fun is THAT to talk about?)
This is “SAVE YOUR BACK WEEK,” and Drew Fitzanko is not only a listener to the show but also a physical therapist. He was kind enough to share with us some tips to help save your back:
1. Maintain good postural alignment when lifting – do not bend or twist your back, and use your legs
2. Get assistance when lifting a load that is too heavy
3. Always loosen up before lifting
4. During activities like picking weeds, sit or kneel to avoid frequent and sustained bending
5. Maintain good posture while sitting; avoid slouching
6. During activities that require a lot of sitting or standing, attempt to change positions frequently
7. Stay physically fit involving cardiovascular activities, abdominal and back strengthening, and leg stretching and strengthening
8. Wearing good supportive shoes helps protect your feet, knees, hips, and back
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
National Pharmacy Buyer Day
Swallows Depart from San Juan Capistrano Day
TV Talk Show Host Day
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24
Make a Difference Day
United Nations Day
World Development Information Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 25
Xterra World Championships
MONDAY, OCTOBER 26
Lung Health Day
National Day of the Deployed
Visit a Cemetery Day
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 27
Cranky Co-workers Day
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28
National Chocolate Day
St. Jude’s Day
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30
Devil’s Night / Mischief Night
Haunted Refrigerator Night
National Breadsticks Day
National Candy Corn Day
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 31
Books For Treats Day
Halloween (All Hallows Eve)
National Caramel Apple Day
National Forgiveness Day
National Knock-Knock Jokes Day
National Magic Day
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 01
All Saints Day
Hockey Mask Day
Day of the Dead (Dia de Los Muertos)
Extra Mile Day
National Authors Day
National Family Caregiver Day
National Family Literacy Day
National Go Cook For Your Pets Day
Prime Meridian Day
Day Saving Time Ends (Turn Clocks Back One Hour)
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 02
All Souls Day
Fill Our Staplers Day
Plan Your Epitaph Day
ON THIS DAY
1956: The first videotape recording to be broadcast originated at WRCA-TV in New York City for NBC Television. The program introduced comedian Jonathan Winters.
1964: The U.S.’s Joe Frazier won the gold in heavyweight boxing at the Tokyo Olympics by barely out-pointing Germany’s Hans Huber. Afterward, Frazier admitted he fought the bout with a broken right hand. ***MARLAR: Anything to make the loser feel like even more of a loser – right?
1977: Wesley Paul ran the 26-mile New York City marathon in 3 hours 31 minutes. That was 48 minutes behind the winner, but 15 minutes faster than any other 8-year-old had ever run the race. ***MARLAR: I cramp up after walking up from the basement.
1990: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,964,264) to Depy Adams of Charlotte, North Carolina, for Cocker Spaniel Protective Ear Bags: two Zip-Loc sandwich bags connected by a wire twist tie, to keep a Cocker Spaniel’s ears from hanging in his food at mealtime. The dog can easily shake off the bags when he’s finished eating. ***MARLAR: Hey, guess what I’m getting the boss for Christmas!
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
4004 (BC): According to the sacred timeline worked out by Archbishop James Ussher, 73, “the heavens and the earth” were created on this date at 9:00 a.m. (GMT). Ussher’s “Chronologies of he Old and New Testaments” was first published 1650-54.
1239: In England, the main cathedral at Wells (begun c.1186) was consecrated. The most striking interior feature of the cathedral are the inverted arches (14th century) by which the piers of the tower are strengthened.
1385: In Germany, the University of Heidelberg was founded under Pope Urban VI as a college of the Cistercian order. (Among its faculties today are theology, law, medicine and philosophy.)
1857: Delegates from eight states met in Nashville and organized the Southern Baptist Sunday School Union. The organization proved short-lived, when it was nullified by the onset of the American Civil War.
1871: Birth of Edgar J. Goodspeed, American Greek N.T. scholar. He taught at the University of Chicago 1898-1937. In 1931, he co-authored with JMP Smith “The Bible: An American Translation,” better known today as “Smith and Goodspeed.”
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress Masiela Lusha (“George Lopez Show”) is 30
- actor/comedian/satirist (UHF, “I’m Fat”, “Just Eat It”, “Like a Surgeon”, “I Bought On eBay”) Weird Al Yankovic 56
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1927 : Sonny Criss
1939 : Charlie Foxx
1940 : Ellie Greenwich
1940 : Fred Marsden (Gerry and the Pacemakers)
1943 : Barbara Ann Hawkins (The Dixie Cups)
1947 : Greg Ridley (Humble Pie)
1956 : Dwight Yoakham
1959 : “Weird Al” Yankovic
1966 : David Thomas (Take 6)
1968 : Shelby Lynne
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
DOES SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING REALLY WORK?
The American public was first introduced to the idea of subliminal advertising in 1957 by James M. Vicary. In a press conference announcing the formation of the Subliminal Projection Company, Vicary claimed that he was able to increase sales of popcorn and Coke through the use of subliminal advertising. (Send me lots of money.) According to Vicary, during a six-week test in a movie theater, he was able to drive up sales of popcorn by 57.5% and sales of Coke by 18.1% simply by flashing the slogans “drink Coke” and “eat popcorn” over the movie for 1/3,000th of a second every five seconds. (You want to send me money.) As plausible as his assertions might have been, there was little evidence to support them. (Send me money.) For one thing, Vicary refused to reveal where he conducted his experiment or document it in any meaningful way. What’s more, psychologists who performed similar experiments concluded that a subliminal ad was no more compelling than a billboard glimpsed from the corner of the eye. (Send me your money.) In an effort to vindicate his claim, Vicary agreed to run the subliminal message “telephone now” during a Canadian broadcast. Like other documented cases, the experiment failed. Telephone usage didn’t increase noticeably, and not a single viewer guessed Vicary’s message. (Send me money.) While neither this experiment nor previous experiments disproved conclusively the effectiveness of subliminal ads, American broadcasters were so convinced of the ineffectiveness of subliminal messages that they simply volunteered not to run them. (You have an urge to send me money.) By the way, if you’re still unconvinced and would like to see more research on the subject, you’ll be happy to know that I’m running me own little subliminal experiment. I can’t tell you about it now, but in the coming weeks I’ll reveal my findings. (Send me money). And, if you ever need to reach me -for any reason—please email me from my website at www.darrenmarlar.com – and you can use PayPal to send me money if you feel the inexplicable need to do so. (Send me money.)
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Mercyme guitarist Mike Scheuchzer had an interesting dilemma this week. He shared: some mornings you rescue a chipmunk from your cat who you got to help keep rodents away from your house. Mike clarified: by rodents I could never mean anything as cute as this little guy!!!!
The Ball Brothers continue to ask for prayer for their youngest brother. Josh is a former member of the band. He came down with severe necrotising pancreatitis 41 days ago and is currently in the ICU at Vanderbilt hospital. His brothers announced that the pancreas tissue removed from yesterday’s surgery has tested positive for infection and doctors have started him on a new round of antibiotics. A Go Fund Me account has been started to help support Josh and his family during his lengthy hospital stay.
A first for Christian artist Ellie Holcomb this week. She took her 2 and a half month old baby boy on his first flight. Ellie said: Thankful he digs the car seat and Southwest Air lets you use the car seat for free if there’s an open seat on board.
Tenth Avenue North front man Mike Donehey is trying something new. He tweeted: Hey kids. I started writing a book today. Details soon to follow.
Josh Wilson is having trouble picking outfits. He says the due date for their baby is October 30 but the sex of the baby will be a surprise. Josh added: We don’t know yet which of these outfits we’ll need. Girl or boy? https://instagram.com/p/83kFnMBkbO/
Australian worship leader Darlene Zschech was doing some recording this week but it wasn’t for a new album. She was recording the audio book version of her latest book: Doing the Worship Changes Everything.
Jamie Grace was crying the happiest of tears last week. It was a year ago that her custom Gibson guitar was damaged by Southwest Air. This week Jamie tweeted: today, JuneBug is home. Jamie said she stayed up til 5am playing songs and promised that she will be uploading these throughout the week.
Jon Foreman might need to build up his sleep reserves this week. The Switchfoot frontman is less then a week away from his attempt to perform 25 concerts, featuring 75 songs, in only 24 hours. It’s part of Jon’s release of 4 EPs in 2015 titled The Wonderlands.
Congratulations to Chris August. He announced his engagement over the weekend, sharing online: Once upon a time I met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. After getting to know her I realized her outer appearance didn’t even compare to who she was on the inside. Her kindness. Her unselfishness. Most of all, her love for The Lord. Which is why I had to go on and lock it down! She said yes! I love you Katelin Cummings.
Danny Gokey says God is a healer and a recent picture of his family is a testament to His restoring power. Danny posted on Instagram: 7 years ago I walked through the unexpected loss of my first wife. I didn’t want to live anymore and I really felt like I almost lost myself, buried in the pain and disappointment of it all. But as I post this pic I sit back in amazement at how God’s grace carried me through that painful season and gave this beautiful family!! They are my proof of HIS redemptive and healing work in my life. Danny added: If you find yourself in an unbearably painful situation today, please know that it’s gonna get better and that God WILL restore your life greater than you could’ve ever even imagined. Believe again, Hope again, and get back up again because it’s closer than you think.
ODD & WEIRD NEWS…
|At 100, woman still working 11 hours a day, 6 days a week
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — Felimina Rotundo works 11 hours day, six days a week at a Buffalo laundromat and says she has no plans to quit working even though she turned 100 two months ago. HASH(0x13e1380) Rotundo works from 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. washing clothes and handling dry cleaning at the College…
|Man, woman charged with theft left name in gallery guestbook
PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say a man and woman left the woman’s name and telephone number in the guestbook of a South Florida art gallery before stealing about $6,000 worth of jewelry. Palm Beach police say 24-year-old Megan Ohara and 19-year-old David Ziskowski took a bracelet and a…
|Snake gets loose on Philadelphia bus, leading to evacuation
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Officials say a 4-foot-long boa constrictor has gotten loose on a Philadelphia bus, leading to an emergency evacuation. Transit authority officials say a man carrying a boa constrictor boarded the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority bus just before 3 p.m….
|Tiny Oakland house moved down street after owner’s death photo
OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) — Years after a big city sprouted up around a tiny California house and its 87-year-old owner refused to sell the only home he’d ever known, heavy equipment rolled up to the lot. But it wasn’t there to demolish the three-bedroom Oakland house built by Lawrence Bossola’s…
|Guinness declares the longest baguette at 400 feet in Italy photo
MILAN (AP) — A judge from Guinness World Records has certified a 122-meter-long (400-foot-long) baguette baked at the Milan Expo 2015 World’s Fair as the longest in the world. Some 60 French and Italian bakers worked nearly seven hours Sunday to bake the French bread characterized by its soft…
|Public has chance to name new moth species photo
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — An auction on eBay allows the public to make a different kind of purchase as they peruse the used clothing, electronics and war relics on the site. Up for sale: naming rights to a new insect. A moth that weighs less than an ounce and measures about an inch was discovered…
|Iowa police: Man stole taxi because he didn’t want to walk
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — A man accused of stealing a taxi after he was discharged from a Des Moines hospital says he didn’t want to walk home. Des Moines police say 26-year-old Luis Orellana-Rivera drove off with the vehicle shortly after he was released from Mercy Medical Center around 6 a.m….
|Alaska church tips pizza delivery driver $1,900
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — More than two weeks after a church congregation in Ohio tipped a pizza delivery driver $1,000, a church in Anchorage has upped the stakes. Anchorage television station KTVA reports (http://is.gd/9Fr43j) that Ken Felber has been a pizza delivery driver for 14 years….
|Missing: ‘Slightly sinister’ Ronald McDonald statue
NORTHAMPTON, Mass. (AP) — A Massachusetts family has been searching in vain for its “slightly sinister” statue of Ronald McDonald, which was taken from their summer home during a teenage house party. HASH(0x140e140) Ryan says two boys put the statue in a tree at an athletic club. Someone…
|Massachusetts town issues ‘citations’ for good behavior
CONCORD, Mass. (AP) — Getting a ticket from police in one Massachusetts town isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Concord’s police department says it plans to issue up to 200 “citations” for good behavior. That could include such things as wearing a bicycle helmet or a seat belt, yielding to…
|The devil made her do it: ‘Hell on Wheels’ arrested for DUI
CLARKSBURG, W.Va. (AP) — Police say a woman accused of drunken driving and hitting six vehicles initially identified herself to an officer as “Hell on Wheels.” The Exponent Telegram (http://bit.ly/1KdL6cI ) reports 38-year-old Amanda Dolores Alleman of Clarksburg was arrested Friday on…
HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…
|Potential delay on some upgrades to gov’t insurance site photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — With sign-up season starting in less than two weeks, the Obama administration indicated on Monday that some long-awaited upgrades to the government’s health insurance website could take more time before they’re customer-ready. At issue is a new doctor look-up tool for…
|A health law fine on the uninsured will more than double photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The math is harsh: The federal penalty for having no health insurance is set to jump to $695, and the Obama administration is being urged to highlight that cold fact in its new pitch for health law sign-ups. That means the 2016 sign-up season starting Nov. 1 could see…
|Johnson & Johnson: Stelara fares well in Crohn’s disease
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Johnson & Johnson’s immune disorder drug Stelara significantly reduced symptoms of the inflammatory bowel condition Crohn’s disease with just one infusion in about half the patients tested, according to the company. The results, released Monday, are the first from…
|Cambodian on trial for infecting more than 100 with HIV photo
PHNOM PENH, Cambodia (AP) — An unlicensed medical practitioner who infected more than 100 villagers in northwestern Cambodia with HIV by reusing unclean needles went on trial Tuesday, facing three charges including murder, his lawyer said. Yem Chhrin faces up to life in prison if found guilty…
|Indian capital struggles to control dengue fever outbreak photo
NEW DELHI (AP) — At dusk, the foggers come out to spray their sticky-sweet clouds of diesel smoke and insecticide across the Indian capital. Mothers scold their children for wearing short sleeves. Posters glued to signposts warn about the perils of neighborhood puddles. Such efforts to stop…
|WHO chief: Ebola a ‘wake-up call’ for member governments photo
GENEVA (AP) — The director-general of the World Health Organization says the Ebola crisis in West Africa should serve as a “wake-up call” for member states to do more to prevent deadly disease outbreaks before they occur. Dr. Margaret Chan noted 30 percent of staffers in a WHO preparedness…
|Michigan official: Federal water rules not followed in Flint photo
FLINT, Mich. (AP) — Federal rules governing drinking water weren’t followed properly in Flint, the cash-strapped Michigan city where problems with lead prompted officials to declare a public health emergency, according to the state’s top environmental official. Acknowledging that mistakes…
|Rat race: With complaints on rise, NYC redoubles efforts photo
NEW YORK (AP) — To many in New York City, the rats are winning. The city’s complaint hotline is on pace for a record year of rat calls, exceeding the more than 24,000 over each of the last two years. Blistering audits have faulted efforts to fight what one official called a “rat crisis.” And…
|How America’s ‘heroin city’ is turning itself around
RUTLAND, Vt. (AP) — Rutland is fed up with heroin. Take Tom VanEps. He and his neighbors used to just watch, disgusted, as dealers worked Baxter Street, their buyers sometimes littering the ground with used syringes. Now, he said, they confront the dealers and the junkies. “We’ll make them…
|UN: 2 new Ebola cases in Guinea show virus still spreading photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says there were two new cases of Ebola in Guinea this week, ending two consecutive weeks in West Africa when no cases of the devastating disease were reported. The two new patients were not previously identified contacts being tracked by health…
|Policy makes Plan B more accessible to American Indian women photo
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. (AP) — The federal Indian Health Service has finalized a policy that makes emergency contraception more accessible to American Indian and Alaska Native women. The written policy released this week requires the morning-after pill to be available to women of any age over the…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
An exhibition in Argentina entitled “Barbie, the Plastic Religion” that includes a Barbie dressed as the Virgin Mary and a Ken dressed as a crucified Jesus, has caused outrage among the nation’s Roman Catholics. ***Gee… who’d a thunk it?!?!
A West Virginia couple who met nine years ago on a softball field got married there Saturday (in Morgantown). *** At the conclusion of the ceremony the pastor said, “You may now take you bride to first base.”
Over the weekend in Las Vegas at the Martorano’s World Pasta Eating Championship, Matt Stonie, the No. 1 ranked competitive eater in the world, managed to down 10 pounds of pasta in eight minutes. It’s a new world record. *** But it wasn’t worth it, because he didn’t get all you can eat breadsticks and salad with it.
Penn State and Yale astronomers have come to the conclusion that strange data patterns they’re observing from a distant star may indicate that there’s an “alien superstructure,” outfitted with solar panels, orbiting the star. *** Either that, or there’s a spec of dust on the telescope lens, but it’s too high up to reach with a feather duster.
A student driver in Washington State apparently confused the gas pedal and the brake last week when she crashed into a driving school. *** Proving she, more than anyone else there, needed driving school.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
According to a new study by the American Library Association, more than nine out of 10 adults surveyed believe that libraries will remain necessary in the future despite the rise of the Internet. ***MARLAR: Oh c’mon… it’s a poll done by the American Library Association! Of COURSE their survey is going to favor libraries; that’s where they found the people to take the survey!
Should you find yourself in a bar in New York City, and the music playing makes you want to get up and dance, please resist the urge. A state court has upheld the city’s Prohibition era law that bans social dancing in bars, restaurants and certain clubs. Those who like to get up and boogie sued, arguing the 80-year-old law illegally infringes on their right of free expression. But the court says recreational dancing isn’t a form of protection that’s protected either by the state or U.S. constitutions. ***MARLAR: In fact, laws against dancing actually protect those of us who’d be forced to watch.
A group of 60,000 pediatricians said that U.S. tanning salons should close their doors to minors to protect them from skin cancer. Research shows people who start going to tanning salons before age 35 have a 75 percent increase in their chances of developing melanoma, the deadliest type of skin cancer. ***MARLAR: Up next, they plan to block out the sun because it’s just too dangerous.
Do you have a hard time keeping plants and flowers alive? Help could be on the way! Researchers at Edinburgh University have pioneered a genetically modified “super potato” that glows when it needs water and the same could be done in your plants a few years down the road. Scientists apparently injected potato plants with a fluorescence gene borrowed from the luminous jellyfish, which causes their leaves to glow green when dehydrated. ***MARLAR: That’s pretty cool – couch potatoes could become their own night-lights.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Deaf Earmuffs”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Paul Aldrich, “Seven Eleven”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: Oooookay. Personally, I think the song stinks. I’d much rather hear some three-part harmony – I’m sure the Cheetah sisters would too. Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 24/25, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
What do masked robbers and yoga instructors have in common?
In Ohio, police responding to a caller who mistook a judo class training exercise for a hostage situation at a gymnasium stopped a passing car and pulled their guns on the driver, her four children, her fiancé and a family friend. The telephone caller saw someone wearing a ski mask enter the class inside the YMCA with a toy gun and order everyone down on the floor. The caller told police the gunman fled in a car with the same description and license plate number as one driven by Petrona Ashman as she left her job at the YMCA that day. Police pulled the car over about a block from the YMCA. Ashman was in the vehicle with her two-year-old twins, nine-year-old daughter and five-year-old son, her fiancé and a family friend. They were ordered out of the vehicle at gunpoint.
TOP TEN THINGS A TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS
- The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.9. Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
8. What general direction cattywumpus is.
7. When somebody’s “fixin” to do something, it won’t be long.
6. How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.
5. Ain’t nobody’s biscuits like Grandma’s biscuits !!
4. A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
3. Real gravy don’t come from the store.
2. When “by and by” is.
1. The difference between “pert near” and “a right far piece.”
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Two crooks become excited to see their “wanted” pictures in the newspaper.
FILE #1: Joey Donnel Simmons and a buddy decided to rob a cab driver. Unfortunately for them, a security camera in the cab captured their crime and the local chapter of “Crime Stoppers” published their pictures in the paper. Believe it or not, the two men were actually EXCITED to see that their robbery and pictures made the newspaper. They also thought that it was wrong that someone out there could potentially collect a big reward for turning them in. After all, that person would be profiting off THEIR crime. If anyone deserved that money, it was THEM – at least, that was their thinking. So they went down to a Houston police station and turned themselves in thinking they would actually get the reward money! Not only did they find out they weren’t eligible, but they were fined $4,000 and sentenced to 30 years in jail!
FILE #2: Sometimes, getting on with life after being released from prison isn’t such a good thing. Police in Romania say a man who was jailed four years ago for robbing a wealthy neighbor’s apartment was caught by the same policeman robbing the same property hours after he was released from jail. The guy (Ionel Raileanu) now faces a 15 year sentence for getting caught stealing jewelry, money and a computer from the same people.
FILE #3: 65-year-old Luis Vega recently applied for Social Security benefits, as would any senior. No big deal except for Vega had been living under an assumed name for years because of a murder incident involving him in 1971. When he applied for his benefits, he used his SS# from the days when he allegedly committed the murder, which in turn alerted a Social Security Administration investigator to a 34 year old murder warrant for Vega. He is now being held in Cook County Illinois
STRANGE LAW: A Kentucky law stipulates that a person is considered sober until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.”
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
A Brooklyn butcher shop worker called his specialty “hot kielbasa” – for snorting, not eating.
Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said the kielbasa was really cocaine – not the Polish sausage sold in a popular meat market. According to a criminal complaint, the “hot kielbasa” was kept in the basement. Twenty-six suspects are under arrest, including the butcher, after an FBI informant visited the shop in response to the message: “Come to the store, I have hot kielbasa for you.”
TOTALLY USELESS PRODUCTS?
A UK poll by a company called Comfy Quilts has identified the five most useless gadgets ever invented:
- Electric can opener
- Waffle iron
- Novelty alarm clock
- Boiler system
PHONER PHUN QUESTION: What products should be added to the list?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: A plague killed 24,000 because Israel had worshiped the gods of_______________.
ANSWER: Moab (Numbers 25:1-2)
QUESTION: Without cracking it open, how can you tell if an uncooked egg is fresh or stale?
ANSWER: A fresh egg will sink in water, a stale one will float.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (True)
- Tigers have one color skin, despite the striped fur. (False – their skin is striped too)
- In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is ten minutes after ten o’clock. (True)
- Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer. (True)
- The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street, were named after two roommates living across the street from Frank Oz. (False – they were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.”)
- A dragonfly has a life span of 24 years. (False – it’s only 24 hours)
- A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (True)
- A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. (True – so don’t bother counting – you’ll lose your place)
- It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (True – unless you use scotch tape!)
- The blue whale has the largest eyes in the world. (False – that honor goes to the giant squid)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Man Gives ________ to Guy Who Saved His Life!” (KIDNEY)
In the heartwarming story of the year Remzo Pivic of Bosnia almost drowned when he fell into the River Bosna two decades ago. He was saved when passerby Ahmet Adulovic jumped in and pulled his lifeless body to safety. The pair stayed in contact despite the fact that rescuer Ahmet eventually immigrated to Canada. But when Remzo heard he was having kidney troubles he offered one of his own. When doctors confirmed they were compatible, he flew to Ottawa to donate the organ. Remzo said, “I’ve finally been able to pay him back for saving my life 20 years ago.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. “I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.”
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were right about the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know that he died of heart failure?”
“Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, ‘10,000 Shekels on Goliath’.”
A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink.
The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied: “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.”
SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBOR IS A VAMPIRE…
- Comes over and asks to borrow a cup of plasma
- Refuses to use sharpened pencils
- One closet dedicated to SPF-8000 sunblock
- This weekend, is having a “Taste the neighbors” party
- Favorite baseball team: the Reds
- When you invited him over for steaks, he cringed
- Bumper sticker on his car: “B-positive”
(Have your listeners call and add to the list – or put it on your Facebook page for people to add to it!)
Adult cats only meow to communicate with humans – They rarely meow to other cats or animals. ***MARLAR: Similarly, humans only use words like “kitty witty woo woo” when speaking to cats.
Malaysia has issued a list of names that parents are banned from giving their children. It includes any name taken from animals, colors, insects, vegetables or fruits. ***MARLAR: Apparently, their goal is to keep celebrities out of Malaysia.
Contrary to conventional parental beliefs about turning off loud music to study, psychologists at Glasgow Caledonian University in Scotland discovered that listening to rock music can boost brain power. ***MARLAR: Riiiight, because it did wonders for Ozzy Osbourne.
A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. “Doc, there’s something wrong with me. Every time I stand in a baby’s high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that’s wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe. Can you tell me what the problem is?”
“Sure!” The doctor said. “You have way too much time on your hands!”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Instead of giving a cab driver a tip – the cab driver gives the rider his kidney!
Rita Van Loenen had no idea that a trip in Thomas Chappell’s taxi cab could end up being the ride that saves her life. “There are better odds of getting struck by lightning,” Van Loenen said. “A random taxi driver offering to give me his kidney and all these pieces match. There has to be something behind this. How can this be?” Chappell, who has been driving Van Loenen to dialysis appointments, shocked the Gilbert, Ariz. woman a month ago by offering to donate his kidney. But even more shocking to her was that doctors found they had the same blood type, that they were compatible. The Phoenix taxi driver said he was a man of faith and that a higher power wanted him to step in.
GOD & HALLMARK CARDS
What do God and Hallmark Cards have in common?
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:
- GOD is like Bayer Aspirin … He works miracles.
- GOD is like a Ford … He’s got a better idea.
- GOD is like Coke … He’s the real thing.
- GOD is like Hallmark Cards … He cares enough to send His very best.
- GOD is like Tide … He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
- God is like General Electric … He brings good things to life.
- GOD is like Sears … He has everything.
- GOD is like Alka-Seltzer … Try Him, you’ll like him.
- GOD is like Scotch Tape … You can’t see him, but you know He’s there.
- GOD is like Delta … He’s ready when you are.
- GOD is like Allstate … You’re in good hands with Him.
- GOD is like VO-5 Hair Spray … He holds through all kinds of weather.
- GOD is like Dial Soap … Aren’t you glad you have Him. Don’t you wish everybody did?
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
(modified from Campus Journal)
You have neither heard nor understood; from of old your ear has not been open. –Isaiah 48:8
Ever get the feeling that no one is listening to you when you’re talking? If so, you’re in good company!
Let’s say that you’re talking, but no one is listening. What does that make you? A radio disc jockey! (tap, tap, tap… ) See, you’re not even listening now, are you? Okay, actually the answer is, if you’re talking and no one is listening, you’re likely a prophet.
In Isaiah 6:1-10, God commissioned Isaiah to speak for Him. Like Abraham and Samuel before him, Isaiah responded quickly and completely: “Here am I. Send me!”
But when God sent Isaiah, He also warned him that the Israelites wouldn’t exactly be listening eagerly. Instead, God described them as having closed eyes and dull ears. So why should Isaiah have bothered?
Prophets have never been judged by the popularity of their messages. From Moses to Elijah to Jeremiah, people have opposed prophets because their messages usually conflicted with their listeners’ desires. That should not surprise us. Prophecy is neither entertaining nor pleasing. Jesus Christ’s teaching combined loving grace with an unmistakable challenge: “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me” (Luke 9:23).
Small wonder that even with His miracles and healings people turned away. His teaching was so difficult. As you stand up for God and tell His truth to others, don’t expect everyone to listen and applaud. Some may oppose you. Others may smile with no intention of letting your words penetrate their hearts. Don’t blame yourself. Instead, be sure that you are sharing God’s Word accurately. If you are, well, you’re getting a prophet’s response.
Jesus comforted His disciples, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first… He who hates Me hates My Father as well” (John 15:18,23).
Of course, I can’t use that prophet’s excuse for my radio show. Guess I’ll just have to work harder…
Dozens of Florida residents were called telling them to set their newly delivered mail outside so it could be tested for anthrax!
Imagine getting a message like this on the phone. “This is an anthrax alert. The mail you received, put in a bag and put it outside. The postal authorities are going to test the white powder that was found today in the Key Biscayne mailroom. This message is brought to you by the chief of police. We are being cautious.” Well it turns out “cautious” wasn’t the right word. The police department wasn’t being cautious at all, because this alert was never supposed to have been sent out! The Florida police accidentally kicked off the system and it called dozens of Florida residents with the pre-recorded message. ***MARLAR: Instead of anthrax, the officers will now be testing the job market to see what might be available.
LIFE… LIVE IT
MORE COSTUMES FOR SCHOOL OR THE OFFICE (OR ELSEWHERE)
- The Seven Seas: Gather six friends and along with yourself, have everyone wear a simple outfit. Attach a capital “C” to each.
- The Ghost of Christmas Present: Cut two eye holes out of an old sheet to wear and carry a box wrapped in holiday paper.
- TV Guide: Dress in khaki pants, a polo shirt and fisherman’s vest with various remote controls tucked in your pockets. Carry a small paddle-sized sign with the image of a screen and knobs on it.
- Street/Boulevard: Dress in all black and run yellow electric tape down your clothes. Attach toy cars on your street and stage collisions for fun.
- Road Kill: Same as Street/Boulevard, and cut some stuffed animals in half and pin them to the roads.
- Dirty Laundry: Cut a hole in the laundry basket, attach to shoulders with rope.
- White Trash: Cut a hole in a white garbage bag and stick it over your head to use as clothing, use a Sharpie to write “Trash” on the front of it.
JUST FOR FUN
SMOKE OR WORK, YOU CAN’T DO BOTH
Do you smoke? If you do, you may not want to work in Central Florida.
…a growing number of companies in Florida are forbidding their workers from smoking not only at work, but also in their private lives. Westgate Resorts, the largest private employer in Central Florida, has banned smoking and won’t budge from a policy of not hiring smokers and firing employees who do smoke. ***MARLAR: Apparently smokers are really burned about the policy.
WE CAN PUT A MAN ON THE MOON, BUT WE CAN’T:
- make a calorie-free cheesecake?
- invent a way to keep pigeons from messing up my freshly washed car?
- teach our kids that the correct answer to, “Be home no later than 10pm!” is not, “LOL”?
- make a bag of popcorn that pops ALL of the kernels?
- make a cup of gourmet coffee that doesn’t cost $8?
(Have your listeners call and add to the list – or put it on your Facebook page for people to add to it!)
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
FIDGET FOR FITNESS
Do you fidget a lot or know someone who does? A fascinating fact about fidgeting! Researchers say they have proof that people who fidget — who are constantly bouncing around, fumbling with stuff and who can’t stay in their seats — actually burn off 700 calories a day on average. That’s equal to almost six miles of jogging… which is enough to keep even the most food-happy people thin. ***MARLAR: Sweet. I’m going to look for a personal trainer that specializes in aerobic fidgeting.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Even in the worst of times, God is at work. And there is proof of that with the refugee crisis. World Missionary Press is receiving requests for Scripture booklets written specifically for Muslims from all over Europe. Scripture booklets by the hundred of thousands are being sent out. In places where only a few would normally be requested, the numbers have quadrupled. Denmark, for instance, recently requested 1.5 million booklets. http://ift.tt/1WZT9TF
7 Distinguishing Habits of Highly Effective #Pastors
- They have genuine enthusiasm.
- They are great listeners.
- Their identity is not their vocation.
- They are intentional about personal witnessing.
- They have unconditional love of their critics.
- They have a gentle spirit.
- They persevere.
How does your pastor measure up?
Living on the Edge believes in the life-changing work of God that happens in the context of small groups. That’s why they say they are so passionate about creating practical small group resources and equipping confident small group leaders. Earlier this month Chip Ingram led a live group leader training with leaders across the world, fielding questions from those in the trenches of ministry. Now that training video is being offered free of charge online. Simply invest an hour to view the training online and leave a more effective small group leader. http://ow.ly/Ttc3D
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Taxes could be worse. Suppose we had to pay what we think we are worth.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
It’s been more than 25 years since Robert Fulghum shared his basics of life wisdom in his book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. This volume of fifty essays reminded us of the importance of cleaning up after ourselves, to share, and to wash our hands before we eat.
My personal favorites included taking a nap every afternoon, watching out for traffic, and that warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. And among the most important of items: don’t hit people. That’s been very valuable advice.
Apparently, more research on preparing students for modern day employment needs a similar revisit. This comes in a new study by David Deming, associate professor of education and economics at Harvard. His message is clear: workers with the best opportunities ahead need social interaction skills. Like learning not to hit people.
Deming is not the only voice on this issue. A summary of others’ input on this can be found in the article, “Why What You Learned in Preschool is Crucial at Work.”
Well developed skills of cooperation, empathy, and flexbility prove more rewarding these days. As I noted in a blog a few weeks ago, robotics are consuming more and more jobs. But the automated types aren’t particularly good at learning how to play well with others.
It seems economists have been scratching their heads trying to figure out why jobs of high skill are losing ground. Those requiring effective social skills are in more demand. Understanding the human touch and connecting well are the expanding job fields.
According to Deming, preschool classrooms reflect more of the real work world. As noted, “Children move from art projects to science experiments to the playground in small groups, and their most important skills are sharing and negotiating with others. But that soon ends, replaced by lecture-style teaching of hard skills, with less peer interaction.” Jobs requiring both thinking and socializing have a real future.
As a result of various research in this area, the conclusion is that our education system needs to adjust. Thus, teaching styles are moving away from primarily classroom lectures to drawing up situations where students interact more in groups. Some college instructors are choosing to do lectures online leaving classroom time for the social side.
My interest piqued a bit when I read where a Nobel prize winning economist discussed teaching values. It is James Heckman who believes that skills like character, dependability, and perseverance are as important as cognitive achievements. But are schools today teaching these values? Heckman doubts it.
Where are you likely to encounter those three aspects of human development in school? Competitive athletic programs certainly preach persevering and being dependable. But is character a skill?
The word character has multiple definitions. Merriam Webster brings us closest to what I believe Heckman was referencing. It reads, “moral excellence and firmness (i.e., a man of sound character). This readily requires an understanding and commitment to moral principles.
And where do these principles get taught? I question that schools today are moral training grounds. Instead, this should be encouraged and nurtured by parents, grandparents, and high influence people in the lives of students. Moral truth needs a source.
In this discussion, practical suggestions on the job included taking an interest in employees’ lives and helping them individually. Once again…where do you learn to care about other people? And why?
Jesus of Nazareth was a proponent of moral truth and human concern. To commit to the highest level of morality, the greatest commandments were stated this way: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and most important command. 39 And the second command is like the first: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’” (Matthew 22:38-39, NCV)
Need to develop the social skills and character to secure a future job? Learn to love God and other people. Rather basic.
And try not to hit people.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
OCTOBER 23, 2015…
Bone Tomahawk (opening in select cities)— Kurt Russell is in a western where there are cannibals and weapons made out of bones? You read that right and remember Halloween isn’t far away. Someone’s wife is kidnapped and the chase leads into spooky territory. “Bone Tomahawk” is rated R. No rating.
Burnt—Bradley Cooper takes on the role of a chef this time, in fact, one who lost his career due to drugs and now wants to get back on top again. He goes to London and gets help from Sienna Miller. Wonder if Miller and Cooper can really cook? “Burnt” is rated PG 13. No rating.
*The Bronze does not have an opening date now.
Jem and the Holograms—Coming from the 1980’s TV series, Aubrey Peeples stars as a young singer who gets fans through the Internet. With family in tow, she goes to the big city only to meet a life different from her own. Also in the cast are Molly Ringwald and Juliette Lewis. “Jem and the Holograms” is rated PG 13. No rating.
The Last Witch Hunter— Vin Diesel comes from the Middle Ages, where he kills an important witch, only to be cursed with not being able to die. Fast forward, and now he is in New York City, trying to get this curse off him. Also in the cast is Rose Leslie (“Game of Thrones.”) “The Last Witch Hunter” is rated R. No rating.
Nasty Baby (opening in select cities)— In this film, Kristen Wiig is one of three people who try three-way parenting. It is a novel idea, but will it work? Along comes problems and the scenario turns into a spook fest. Also in the cast is Tunde Adebimpe. “Nasty Baby” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension— Brit Shaw is here and another installment in the saga of “Paranormal Activity.“ Sigh..yawn. Guess there will be more film footage discovered, . and close to Halloween, so what do you think? “Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension” is rated R. No rating.
Rock the Kasbah— Bill Murray in Afghanistan trying to get new music talent? Yup, you read that right. The story has Murray as a has-been manager and his only star (Zooey Deschanel) leaves him in Kabul, so he tries to find someone there to take him to the top again. Apparently, there is a version of “American Idol” there, also. “Rock the Kasbah” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for Bill Murray fans.
Suffragette— Meryl Streep sinks her teeth into another role, this time as Emmeline Pankhurst who is trying to get women’s right to vote in England. Carey Mulligan is middle class and decides to help the cause. This is about 1911. You can imagine the mayhem caused by the idea of women voting. “Suffragette” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.
OCTOBER 30, 2015…
Our Brand Is Crisis is a Central American political story starring Sandra Bullock and Billy Bob Thornton.
Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is a horror film starring Tye Sheridan.
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