***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS! (As an ONAIRprep subscriber, you can gain access to all of the work parts for the Daily Dose of Weird News, allowing you to edit for length and content – and also receive a custom tag specifically for your station or show which you can have updated at any time… ABSOLUTELY FREE! IT’S PART OF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION! Email me to get more information, FTP access and your free customized tag!)
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Aaah! I love the smell of a warm microphone in the morning!!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever. –Isaiah 40:8
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? –Matthew 6:25
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. — Galatians 6:2
Thought: I feel so burdened myself, that sometimes I can’t even see others burdens. But Jesus reminds me that if I am to be like him, I will be a burden carrier. This is why he came, why he died, and why his resurrection is so important — to lift from us the burdens of sin, death, and depravity. He has blessed us by carrying our heaviest burdens so that we might lighten the load of those around us.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Hebrews 10:23 NIV = Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
TODAY IS MONDAY – OCTOBER 23, 2017
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 64 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
NATIONAL SAVE YOUR BACK WEEK begins today. ***I won’t be bending over backwards to celebrate it though. (See below.)
Today is TV TALK SHOW HOST DAY. ***I say we give all TV talk show hosts the day off today. It’d be the only day of television worth watching!
Traditionally, the SWALLOWS LEAVE CAPISTRANO today. ***At least, according to their Blackberries.
Today is NATIONAL MOLE DAY. ***The question is WHICH kind of mole are we talking about? The little varmints that destroy your lawn and live underground, or that thingie on Cindy Crawford’s face? Either way, we should get rid of it! (Actually, it has nothing to do with either one – this day actually commemorates Avogadro’s Number, which is the basic measuring unit in chemistry. But how much fun is THAT to talk about?)
This is “SAVE YOUR BACK WEEK,” and Drew Fitzanko is not only a listener to the show but also a physical therapist. He was kind enough to share with us some tips to help save your back:
1. Maintain good postural alignment when lifting – do not bend or twist your back, and use your legs
2. Get assistance when lifting a load that is too heavy
3. Always loosen up before lifting
4. During activities like picking weeds, sit or kneel to avoid frequent and sustained bending
5. Maintain good posture while sitting; avoid slouching
6. During activities that require a lot of sitting or standing, attempt to change positions frequently
7. Stay physically fit involving cardiovascular activities, abdominal and back strengthening, and leg stretching and strengthening
8. Wearing good supportive shoes helps protect your feet, knees, hips, and back
TODAY IS ALSO…
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 24
United Nations Day
World Development Information Day
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 25
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 26
Howl at The Moon Night
Mule Day (Historical, not celebration. Honors the importation of the first Spanish Jacks to the US which were a gift from King Charles III of Spain delivered October 26, 1785 in Boston.George Washington then began breeding them in the US. For the celebration, go to March 31 or Columbia, TN )
National Day of The Deployed
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27
Black Cat Day
Cranky Co-workers Day
International Bandanna Day
National Breadstix (Bread Sticks) Day
World Day for Audiovisual Heritage
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 28
Make A Difference Day
National Chocolate Day
Pit Bull Awareness Day
St. Jude’s Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 29
MONDAY, OCTOBER 30
Create A Great Funeral Day
Devil’s Night or Mischief Night
Haunted Refrigerator Night
National Candy Corn Day
National Publicist Day
Speak Up For Service Day
World Audio Drama Day
ON THIS DAY
1956: The first videotape recording to be broadcast originated at WRCA-TV in New York City for NBC Television. The program introduced comedian Jonathan Winters.
1964: The U.S.’s Joe Frazier won the gold in heavyweight boxing at the Tokyo Olympics by barely out-pointing Germany’s Hans Huber. Afterward, Frazier admitted he fought the bout with a broken right hand. ***Anything to make the loser feel like even more of a loser – right?
1977: Wesley Paul ran the 26-mile New York City marathon in 3 hours 31 minutes. That was 48 minutes behind the winner, but 15 minutes faster than any other 8-year-old had ever run the race. ***I cramp up after walking up from the basement.
1990: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,964,264) to Depy Adams of Charlotte, North Carolina, for Cocker Spaniel Protective Ear Bags: two Zip-Loc sandwich bags connected by a wire twist tie, to keep a Cocker Spaniel’s ears from hanging in his food at mealtime. The dog can easily shake off the bags when he’s finished eating. ***Hey, guess what I’m getting the boss for Christmas!
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
4004 (BC): According to the sacred timeline worked out by Archbishop James Ussher, 73, “the heavens and the earth” were created on this date at 9:00 a.m. (GMT). Ussher’s “Chronologies of he Old and New Testaments” was first published 1650-54.
1239: In England, the main cathedral at Wells (begun c.1186) was consecrated. The most striking interior feature of the cathedral are the inverted arches (14th century) by which the piers of the tower are strengthened.
1385: In Germany, the University of Heidelberg was founded under Pope Urban VI as a college of the Cistercian order. (Among its faculties today are theology, law, medicine and philosophy.)
1857: Delegates from eight states met in Nashville and organized the Southern Baptist Sunday School Union. The organization proved short-lived, when it was nullified by the onset of the American Civil War.
1871: Birth of Edgar J. Goodspeed, American Greek N.T. scholar. He taught at the University of Chicago 1898-1937. In 1931, he co-authored with JMP Smith “The Bible: An American Translation,” better known today as “Smith and Goodspeed.”
actress Masiela Lusha (“George Lopez Show”) is 32
actor/comedian/satirist (UHF, “I’m Fat”, “Just Eat It”, “Like a Surgeon”, “I Bought On eBay”) Weird Al Yankovic 58
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1927 : Sonny Criss
1939 : Charlie Foxx
1940 : Ellie Greenwich
1940 : Fred Marsden (Gerry and the Pacemakers)
1943 : Barbara Ann Hawkins (The Dixie Cups)
1947 : Greg Ridley (Humble Pie)
1956 : Dwight Yoakham
1959 : “Weird Al” Yankovic
1966 : David Thomas (Take 6)
1968 : Shelby Lynne
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
DOES SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING REALLY WORK?
The American public was first introduced to the idea of subliminal advertising in 1957 by James M. Vicary. In a press conference announcing the formation of the Subliminal Projection Company, Vicary claimed that he was able to increase sales of popcorn and Coke through the use of subliminal advertising. (Send me lots of money.) According to Vicary, during a six-week test in a movie theater, he was able to drive up sales of popcorn by 57.5% and sales of Coke by 18.1% simply by flashing the slogans “drink Coke” and “eat popcorn” over the movie for 1/3,000th of a second every five seconds. (You want to send me money.) As plausible as his assertions might have been, there was little evidence to support them. (Send me money.) For one thing, Vicary refused to reveal where he conducted his experiment or document it in any meaningful way. What’s more, psychologists who performed similar experiments concluded that a subliminal ad was no more compelling than a billboard glimpsed from the corner of the eye. (Send me your money.) In an effort to vindicate his claim, Vicary agreed to run the subliminal message “telephone now” during a Canadian broadcast. Like other documented cases, the experiment failed. Telephone usage didn’t increase noticeably, and not a single viewer guessed Vicary’s message. (Send me money.) While neither this experiment nor previous experiments disproved conclusively the effectiveness of subliminal ads, American broadcasters were so convinced of the ineffectiveness of subliminal messages that they simply volunteered not to run them. (You have an urge to send me money.) By the way, if you’re still unconvinced and would like to see more research on the subject, you’ll be happy to know that I’m running me own little subliminal experiment. I can’t tell you about it now, but in the coming weeks I’ll reveal my findings. (Send me money). And, if you ever need to reach me -for any reason—please email me from my website at www.darrenmarlar.com – and you can use PayPal to send me money if you feel the inexplicable need to do so. (Send me money.)
(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
A Kentucky boy is baffling doctors, after the 7-year-old slept for 11 straight days without an explanation. ***At the age of 49, I call that a “perfect vacation”.
An Australian woman is claiming that “American Horror Story” inspired her to kill her grandfather. ***Because of this, liberal politicians are now pushing for a ten-day waiting period before watching a new episode.
Chelsea Handler says she’s going to turn in the keys to her Netflix talk show after two seasons. ***Upon hearing the news, Netflix released a statement saying they had completely forgotten she had a show with them.
There’s a 5,000-mile long “river in the sky” that is dumping rain and snow on the Northwest U.S. They’re calling it “The Big Dark.” ***And you thought that “Supernatural” TV show storyline had already ended.
The driver of a semi-truck lost control and spilled a load of bark in Washington state. The driver was eating a taco when he lost control. ***Let this be a lesson to you folks, never MEX and DRIVE.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
A record number of companies in North America are permitting employees to work from home, according to a survey from World-At-Work. Forty-two percent of U.S. companies surveyed say they have offered their employees work-from-home programs this year, up from 30% last year. In Canada, the jump was even bigger – from 25% last year to 40% this year. ***I’m trying to get the radio station to let me work from home. The hard part is convincing them to move the giant broadcast tower into my backyard each morning.
Doctors are using Coca-Cola to treat patients who have gastric phytobezoar – more commonly referred to as a stomach blockage. The treatment is now being favored over surgery, as it has a success rate of more than 90 percent, according to researchers from Athens University, which detailed their findings in the journal Alimentary Pharmacology and Therapeutics. Coca-Cola, along with the diet version and Coke Zero, have chemical ingredients that work the same way as gastric acid, and the carbonation helps move everything along. ***Coca-Cola… the poor man’s version of Ex-Lax!
There are over 400 different Sign Languages worldwide, but less than 1% have a complete translation of the Bible. Now the Deaf Bible Society is making a change to address the problem. They want to have translation projects for 75% of the Deaf population in place by 2025. Officials say that translating the Bible into 44 sign languages would allow them to do just that. ***I have to admit this is somewhat lost on me – they’re deaf, not blind – couldn’t they just READ the Bible in their own country’s written language?
An international group of scientists reports that simply inhaling the aroma of a hot cup of coffee may alter the activity of some genes in the brain, reducing the effects of sleep deprivation. ***Starbucks will now be charging fifty cents per sniff.
According to a poll, one in four adults have not read a single book in the past year. ***We’ll let you decide which political party they belong to.
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Nozzles the Elephant and Gruffy Bear went to the library, and Gruffy ran across a map of the jungle and discovered that his property line was larger than he though – and his property actually crossed over the main path through the jungle. Nozzles sarcastically suggested that he build a toll booth…
CLOSE: Wow, sounds like this toll booth idea is working out pretty well – for Gruffy, at least. But how long will it be before the rest of the jungle animals find a different route – or run out of money? More of the story next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
What do masked robbers and yoga instructors have in common?
In Ohio, police responding to a caller who mistook a judo class training exercise for a hostage situation at a gymnasium stopped a passing car and pulled their guns on the driver, her four children, her fiancé and a family friend. The telephone caller saw someone wearing a ski mask enter the class inside the YMCA with a toy gun and order everyone down on the floor. The caller told police the gunman fled in a car with the same description and license plate number as one driven by Petrona Ashman as she left her job at the YMCA that day. Police pulled the car over about a block from the YMCA. Ashman was in the vehicle with her two-year-old twins, nine-year-old daughter and five-year-old son, her fiancé and a family friend. They were ordered out of the vehicle at gunpoint.
TOP TEN THINGS A TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS
10. The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
9. Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
8. What general direction cattywumpus is.
7. When somebody’s “fixin” to do something, it won’t be long.
6. How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.
5. Ain’t nobody’s biscuits like Grandma’s biscuits !!
4. A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
3. Real gravy don’t come from the store.
2. When “by and by” is.
1. The difference between “pert near” and “a right far piece.”
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Two crooks become excited to see their “wanted” pictures in the newspaper.
FILE #1: Joey Donnel Simmons and a buddy decided to rob a cab driver. Unfortunately for them, a security camera in the cab captured their crime and the local chapter of “Crime Stoppers” published their pictures in the paper. Believe it or not, the two men were actually EXCITED to see that their robbery and pictures made the newspaper. They also thought that it was wrong that someone out there could potentially collect a big reward for turning them in. After all, that person would be profiting off THEIR crime. If anyone deserved that money, it was THEM – at least, that was their thinking. So they went down to a Houston police station and turned themselves in thinking they would actually get the reward money! Not only did they find out they weren’t eligible, but they were fined $4,000 and sentenced to 30 years in jail!
FILE #2: Sometimes, getting on with life after being released from prison isn’t such a good thing. Police in Romania say a man who was jailed four years ago for robbing a wealthy neighbor’s apartment was caught by the same policeman robbing the same property hours after he was released from jail. The guy (Ionel Raileanu) now faces a 15 year sentence for getting caught stealing jewelry, money and a computer from the same people.
FILE #3: 65-year-old Luis Vega recently applied for Social Security benefits, as would any senior. No big deal except for Vega had been living under an assumed name for years because of a murder incident involving him in 1971. When he applied for his benefits, he used his SS# from the days when he allegedly committed the murder, which in turn alerted a Social Security Administration investigator to a 34 year old murder warrant for Vega. He is now being held in Cook County Illinois
STRANGE LAW: A Kentucky law stipulates that a person is considered sober until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.”
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
“This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.
A Brooklyn butcher shop worker called his specialty “hot kielbasa” – for snorting, not eating.
Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said the kielbasa was really cocaine – not the Polish sausage sold in a popular meat market. According to a criminal complaint, the “hot kielbasa” was kept in the basement. Twenty-six suspects are under arrest, including the butcher, after an FBI informant visited the shop in response to the message: “Come to the store, I have hot kielbasa for you.”
TOTALLY USELESS PRODUCTS?
A UK poll by a company called Comfy Quilts has identified the five most useless gadgets ever invented:
1. Electric can opener
2. Waffle iron
3. Novelty alarm clock
4. Boiler system
PHONER PHUN QUESTION: What products should be added to the list?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: A plague killed 24,000 because Israel had worshiped the gods of_______________.
ANSWER: Moab (Numbers 25:1-2)
QUESTION: Without cracking it open, how can you tell if an uncooked egg is fresh or stale?
ANSWER: A fresh egg will sink in water, a stale one will float.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (True)
2. Tigers have one color skin, despite the striped fur. (False – their skin is striped too)
3. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is ten minutes after ten o’clock. (True)
4. Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer. (True)
5. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street, were named after two roommates living across the street from Frank Oz. (False – they were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.”)
6. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 years. (False – it’s only 24 hours)
7. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (True)
8. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. (True – so don’t bother counting – you’ll lose your place)
9. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (True – unless you use scotch tape!)
10. The blue whale has the largest eyes in the world. (False – that honor goes to the giant squid)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Man Gives ________ to Guy Who Saved His Life!” (KIDNEY)
In the heartwarming story of the year Remzo Pivic of Bosnia almost drowned when he fell into the River Bosna two decades ago. He was saved when passerby Ahmet Adulovic jumped in and pulled his lifeless body to safety. The pair stayed in contact despite the fact that rescuer Ahmet eventually immigrated to Canada. But when Remzo heard he was having kidney troubles he offered one of his own. When doctors confirmed they were compatible, he flew to Ottawa to donate the organ. Remzo said, “I’ve finally been able to pay him back for saving my life 20 years ago.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. “I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.”
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were right about the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know that he died of heart failure?”
“Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, ‘10,000 Shekels on Goliath’.”
A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink.
The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied: “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.”
SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBOR IS A VAMPIRE…
Comes over and asks to borrow a cup of plasma
Refuses to use sharpened pencils
One closet dedicated to SPF-8000 sunblock
This weekend, is having a “Taste the neighbors” party
Favorite baseball team: the Reds
When you invited him over for steaks, he cringed
Bumper sticker on his car: “B-positive”
(Have your listeners call and add to the list – or put it on your Facebook page for people to add to it!)
Adult cats only meow to communicate with humans – they rarely meow to other cats or animals. ***Similarly, humans only use words like “kitty witty woo woo” when speaking to cats.
Malaysia has issued a list of names that parents are banned from giving their children. It includes any name taken from animals, colors, insects, vegetables or fruits. ***Apparently, their goal is to keep celebrities out of Malaysia.
Contrary to conventional parental beliefs about turning off loud music to study, psychologists at Glasgow Caledonian University in Scotland discovered that listening to rock music can boost brain power. ***Riiiight, because it did wonders for Ozzy Osbourne.
A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. “Doc, there’s something wrong with me. Every time I stand in a baby’s high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that’s wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe. Can you tell me what the problem is?”
“Sure!” The doctor said. “You have way too much time on your hands!”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Instead of giving a cab driver a tip – the cab driver gives the rider his kidney!
Rita Van Loenen had no idea that a trip in Thomas Chappell’s taxi cab could end up being the ride that saves her life. “There are better odds of getting struck by lightning,” Van Loenen said. “A random taxi driver offering to give me his kidney and all these pieces match. There has to be something behind this. How can this be?” Chappell, who has been driving Van Loenen to dialysis appointments, shocked the Gilbert, Ariz. woman a month ago by offering to donate his kidney. But even more shocking to her was that doctors found they had the same blood type, that they were compatible. The Phoenix taxi driver said he was a man of faith and that a higher power wanted him to step in.
GOD & HALLMARK CARDS
What do God and Hallmark Cards have in common?
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:
GOD is like Bayer Aspirin … He works miracles.
GOD is like a Ford … He’s got a better idea.
GOD is like Coke … He’s the real thing.
GOD is like Hallmark Cards … He cares enough to send His very best.
GOD is like Tide … He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
God is like General Electric … He brings good things to life.
GOD is like Sears … He has everything.
GOD is like Alka-Seltzer … Try Him, you’ll like him.
GOD is like Scotch Tape … You can’t see him, but you know He’s there.
GOD is like Delta … He’s ready when you are.
GOD is like Allstate … You’re in good hands with Him.
GOD is like VO-5 Hair Spray … He holds through all kinds of weather.
GOD is like Dial Soap … Aren’t you glad you have Him. Don’t you wish everybody did?
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
(modified from Campus Journal)
You have neither heard nor understood; from of old your ear has not been open. –Isaiah 48:8
Ever get the feeling that no one is listening to you when you’re talking? If so, you’re in good company!
Let’s say that you’re talking, but no one is listening. What does that make you? A radio disc jockey! (tap, tap, tap… ) See, you’re not even listening now, are you? Okay, actually the answer is, if you’re talking and no one is listening, you’re likely a prophet.
In Isaiah 6:1-10, God commissioned Isaiah to speak for Him. Like Abraham and Samuel before him, Isaiah responded quickly and completely: “Here am I. Send me!”
But when God sent Isaiah, He also warned him that the Israelites wouldn’t exactly be listening eagerly. Instead, God described them as having closed eyes and dull ears. So why should Isaiah have bothered?
Prophets have never been judged by the popularity of their messages. From Moses to Elijah to Jeremiah, people have opposed prophets because their messages usually conflicted with their listeners’ desires. That should not surprise us. Prophecy is neither entertaining nor pleasing. Jesus Christ’s teaching combined loving grace with an unmistakable challenge: “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me” (Luke 9:23).
Small wonder that even with His miracles and healings people turned away. His teaching was so difficult. As you stand up for God and tell His truth to others, don’t expect everyone to listen and applaud. Some may oppose you. Others may smile with no intention of letting your words penetrate their hearts. Don’t blame yourself. Instead, be sure that you are sharing God’s Word accurately. If you are, well, you’re getting a prophet’s response.
Jesus comforted His disciples, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first… He who hates Me hates My Father as well” (John 15:18,23).
Of course, I can’t use that prophet’s excuse for my radio show. Guess I’ll just have to work harder…
Dozens of Florida residents were called telling them to set their newly delivered mail outside so it could be tested for anthrax!
Imagine getting a message like this on the phone. “This is an anthrax alert. The mail you received, put in a bag and put it outside. The postal authorities are going to test the white powder that was found today in the Key Biscayne mailroom. This message is brought to you by the chief of police. We are being cautious.” Well it turns out “cautious” wasn’t the right word. The police department wasn’t being cautious at all, because this alert was never supposed to have been sent out! The Florida police accidentally kicked off the system and it called dozens of Florida residents with the pre-recorded message. ***MARLAR: Instead of anthrax, the officers will now be testing the job market to see what might be available.
LIFE… LIVE IT
MORE COSTUMES FOR SCHOOL OR THE OFFICE (OR ELSEWHERE)
The Seven Seas: Gather six friends and along with yourself, have everyone wear a simple outfit. Attach a capital “C” to each.
The Ghost of Christmas Present: Cut two eye holes out of an old sheet to wear and carry a box wrapped in holiday paper.
TV Guide: Dress in khaki pants, a polo shirt and fisherman’s vest with various remote controls tucked in your pockets. Carry a small paddle-sized sign with the image of a screen and knobs on it.
Street/Boulevard: Dress in all black and run yellow electric tape down your clothes. Attach toy cars on your street and stage collisions for fun.
Road Kill: Same as Street/Boulevard, and cut some stuffed animals in half and pin them to the roads.
Dirty Laundry: Cut a hole in the laundry basket, attach to shoulders with rope.
White Trash: Cut a hole in a white garbage bag and stick it over your head to use as clothing, use a Sharpie to write “Trash” on the front of it.
JUST FOR FUN
SMOKE OR WORK, YOU CAN’T DO BOTH
Do you smoke? If you do, you may not want to work in Central Florida.
…a growing number of companies in Florida are forbidding their workers from smoking not only at work, but also in their private lives. Westgate Resorts, the largest private employer in Central Florida, has banned smoking and won’t budge from a policy of not hiring smokers and firing employees who do smoke. ***MARLAR: Apparently smokers are really burned about the policy.
WE CAN PUT A MAN ON THE MOON, BUT WE CAN’T:
make a calorie-free cheesecake?
invent a way to keep pigeons from messing up my freshly washed car?
teach our kids that the correct answer to, “Be home no later than 10pm!” is not, “LOL”?
make a bag of popcorn that pops ALL of the kernels?
make a cup of gourmet coffee that doesn’t cost $8?
(Have your listeners call and add to the list – or put it on your Facebook page for people to add to it!)
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
FIDGET FOR FITNESS
Do you fidget a lot or know someone who does? A fascinating fact about fidgeting! Researchers say they have proof that people who fidget — who are constantly bouncing around, fumbling with stuff and who can’t stay in their seats — actually burn off 700 calories a day on average. That’s equal to almost six miles of jogging… which is enough to keep even the most food-happy people thin. ***MARLAR: Sweet. I’m going to look for a personal trainer that specializes in aerobic fidgeting.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
If you fly for business or pleasure on a regular basis, be sure to choose an aisle seat. The worst seat on an airplane is any window seat, be it in first class, business class or economy. People who sit in window seats while flying on an airplane are more likely to sit longer and move less than people in other seats, putting them at a higher risk for developing potentially dangerous blood clots in the legs, warns the American College of Chest Physicians (ACCP). It has long been thought that passengers on long-haul flights sitting in economy class were at a higher risk of developing deep venous thromboses (DVTs) — so much so that it got the nickname “economy class syndrome.” What are DVTs? They are blood clots that usually form in the legs and become especially dangerous if they travel through the bloodstream to the lungs. Once there, they can form potentially lethal pulmonary embolisms.
Would you cut up your vegetables on a toilet seat? You might as well, since the average cutting board is riddled with far more dangerous bacteria than the average toilet seat, according to Dr. Charles Gerba (aka “Dr. Germ”), a professor of microbiology at the University of Arizona. Speaking of the toilet seat, he told The BBC News, “It’s one of the cleanest things you’ll run across in terms of microorganisms. It’s our gold standard. There are not many things cleaner than a toilet seat when it comes to germs.” Specifically, Gerba found that there are 50 fecal bacteria per square inch on the average toilet seat. That may sound like a lot, but your kitchen cutting board has about 200 times more fecal bacteria on it than that. How does fecal bacteria land on your cutting board? Blame it on raw meat products or the viscera from inside the animal, where much fecal bacteria originates. Toilet seats are so clean, relatively speaking, because we worry about them being filthy. We do something about it, scrubbing them regularly. Apparently we don’t have the same concern about our cutting boards. What can you do? Keep things in your kitchen as clean as your toilet seat.
People who have a solid network of good friends and caring neighbors boost their chances of survival by 50% according to research from Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. People who had the strongest social networks were nearly twice as likely to be alive at any given age than those who were lonely. The opposite is also true. Having just a few friends is as damaging to survival as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic.
COSHOCTON Royce Emerson recently celebrated his 80th birthday at the Coshocton County Fair, doing the same job he has performed for the past 58 years — serving as a Coshocton County auxiliary sheriff’s deputy. He doesn’t plan on retiring anytime soon. Emerson joined the sheriff’s office as an auxiliary deputy on April 1, 1959. In the years that followed, he has responded to numerous traffic accidents, been shot at twice and once talked a man out of taking his life. He is the oldest serving deputy in terms of length of service in Ohio, but he is not the oldest deputy in the United States. That honor goes to a 94-year-old man in Texas who has been a deputy for 70 years.
Wise sayings are trail markers that guide us along life’s path. The greatest collection of wisdom is in the book of Proverbs. But can you identify which proverbs are from the Bible? Check out the new quiz from Insight for Living.
(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Chicago teen had been repeatedly warned about sneaking onto the basketball court at a Skokie fitness facility, but one police officer came up with an alternative to arresting him for criminal trespassing. In late August, X-Sport Fitness workers made good on a promise that police would be called in if they found the boy on the basketball court again. Skokie police Officer Mario Valenti responded to the call for police that August day. But when he arrived and heard the boys story Valenti offered to pay $150 out of his own pocket. Corporate was so taken with what the officer was doing that it made its own offer: The $150 would go toward a two-year membership with a total value of $718 and X-Sport Fitness would pick up the rest of the cost.
(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Florida: Child Abuse? Blame the Kids!
In Florida, the Palm Beach School District is under fire this week after court filings seem to show it actually blamed four third-grade girls for the molestation the received at the hands of a teacher 12 years ago! In court documents, lawyers for the school district wrote that the four girls “were old enough to appreciate the consequences of their own actions and to be held accountable for them … Through their actions and/or omissions, plaintiffs conducted themselves in a careless and negligent manner … and such negligence was a contributing and/or sole proximate cause of their injuries and damages.” The news comes as the school district is expected to approve a $3.6 million settlement with the four victims, now grown women, at a meeting this week. The women say their teacher Blake Sinrod groped them and forced them to touch him in 2005, when they were around 9. In 2006 Sinrod pleaded guilty to child abuse charges involving two of the girls. After the girls’ parents discovered Sinrod had been accused of crimes before, they sued the Palm Beach School District for negligence in 2006.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Taxes could be worse. Suppose we had to pay what we think we are worth.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
OCTOBER 20, 2017…
Geostorm—So global warming is causing storms that go from average-bad to terrible-bad-and-above. Weather people have to make up new terminology to keep track of these storms whether they be blizzards, tornados, typhoons, monsoons or hurricanes. Especially hurricanes in this year, as one after another breeds off the coast of Africa and comes hunting across the Atlantic Ocean for Puerto Rico or Haiti or Mexico, Texas, Florida and you name it. It is as though the southern part of the North American continent is fair game. “Geostorm” tells such a story of massive storms, triple tornadoes and the like, but is global warming always the cause? Could there be something else lurking behind this, a master plan that is designed for something entirely different? This is what Gerard Butler is finding out as he is one person to go into space to photograph Earth images, finds satellites designed to do something else, and then gets quite a view of what is happening below. The special effects people have a ball here. Makes the term “Tornado Alley” sound calm. Also in the cast are Abbie Cornish, Daniel Wu, Ed Harris and Andy Garcia (always good to see him on screen.) “Geostorm” is rated R, and fasten your seat belt. Rating of 3 for fans.
1922 (opening in select cities)—Oh, what a tangled web life can sometimes be. In this thriller, starring Thomas Jane, a farmer wants to murder someone and tries to get his son to help him. Money is involved, of course. Also in the cast are Molly Parker and Neal McDonough (“Arrow”). “1922” is rated R. No rating.
Leatherface—There is much secrecy concerning the exact plot of “Leatherface” that is supposed to be a prequel to the character in the “Texas Chainsaw” films of several years ago. Will we know how the person became “Leatherface?” After the first film, it took many years before fans could eat chili again. The film concerns a kidnapped policeman (Stephen Dorff) and a woman (Vanessa Grasse.) “Leatherface” is rated R and is an adult film. No rating.
Wonderstruck—Stay on your toes here, there are two stories going on. One is about a girl running away from home in 1927 and the other is about a boy running away from home in 1977. Hmm. The girl really wants to find a woman she is star struck about and the boy wants to find his father. The cast has Oakes Fegley, Julianne Moore, Michelle Williams and Tom Noonan. “Wonderstruck” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Tyler Perry’s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween—It wouldn’t be Halloween without Tyler Perry getting into costume with his character of Madea, the family member who irritates everyone. This plot is a continuation of “Boo!” and in that one, Madea driving the old car was enough to give anyone nightmares. Perry’s character has a built-in audience. Also in the cast are Cassi David, Patrick Lovely and Yousef Erakat. “Tyler Perry’s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.
The Snowman—Imagine, doing a movie role and not having read the novels from which the character has come. Michael Fassbinder is a fast learner and he is doing the role of Harry Hole (pronounced hoh-lee), as created by Norwegian author Jo Nesbo. In this film, there is a killer who strikes on the first snowfall, hence the name. The cast also includes Rebecca Ferguson, Val Kilmer and Charlotte Gainsbourg. “The Snowman” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.
Only The Brave—This is the true story of the Hotshot Firefighters in Arizona who braved a massive forest fire in the Yarnell Hills, only to have tragedy within their own company. A forest fire is also a wildfire, and difficult to control. Just as policemen and firemen where there is danger and everyone else leaves—they enter. Stars of the film include Josh Brolin, Miles Teller, Jeff Bridges and Taylor Kitsch. “Only The Brave” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
OCTOBER 27, 2017…
Suburbicon has Matt Damon battling a home invasion.
Thank You For Your Service stars Miles Teller as a soldier coming back from war.
The Killing Of The Sacred Deer has Colin Farrell as a doctor married to Nicole Kidman.
The Square stars Elizabeth Moss (“The Handmaid’s Tale”) in a satire.
Professor Marston And The Wonder Woman is about the creator of the character of “Wonder Woman.” Stars Luke Evans.
Jigsaw and he’s back…..well, maybe.
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