October 24, 2015: Saturday ONAIRPrep

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Archaeologists have uncovered an ancient pile of artifacts just outside of town. The material is such worthless junk the scientists theorize they may have discovered a prehistoric garage sale.  –HaLife




But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.” –1 Timothy 6:6,7


Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. — Jeremiah 33:3




A man finds joy in giving an apt reply — and how good is a timely word! — Proverbs 15:23


Thought: Knowing the right word at the right time is a great gift. But even the best of speakers has to admit that the best of his or her words are not nearly as good as those the Spirit gives. Nevertheless, we must not excuse ourselves for our insensitive speech, unkindness, or missed opportunities. Not paying attention to what was said is no excuse. Not being spiritually in tune with the needs of our companions is a cop out. Simply not knowing Scripture well enough to bless others with gracious speech at the appropriate time is self-deception. Listening to others after having listened to God in his Word is what tunes our ears and our hearts to bless others.


Prayer: Loving Shepherd, I will spend much of my time today with people. Some of them know you, but most do not. Please give me wisdom to say things that lead people closer to you. Give me words of help and hope for the broken. Give me words of tenderness for the fainting. Give me words of direction for the confused. Father, I pray that whatever words I do say today may reflect your will and may be led by your purposes to bless others. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Corinthians 10:24 NIV = Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is UNITED NATIONS DAY. And at the same time, it’s also DISARMAMENT WEEK, which happens to be sponsored by the United Nations.  ***MARLAR: And you wonder why the United Nations doesn’t accomplish any more than it does.


Today is NATIONAL BOLOGNA DAY.  ***MARLAR: Please refer to the United Nations’ Disarmament Week for details.  (National Bologna Day is also sort of a national holiday here on the show!)


This is PRESCRIPTION ERRORS EDUCATION AND AWARENESS WEEK.  ***MARLAR: Awareness of an error in your prescription keeps you from accidentally dying from taking the wrong medication.  Shouldn’t this be more than just one week of the year?


Today is SHARE A POP-TART WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE DAY. ***MARLAR: Nothing against this day, but it’s awful hard to sound masculine while speaking the words, “Share a Pop Tart.”




Food Day

Make a Difference Day

Pit Bull Awareness Day

World Development Information Day





Chucky, The Notorious Killer Doll Day

International Artists Day

Sourest Day

World Pasta Day

Mother-in-Law Day

Xterra World Championships



Howl At The Moon Night

Lung Health Day

Mule Day

National Day of the Deployed

Visit a Cemetery Day



Cranky Co-workers Day

Navy Day

World Day of Audiovisual Heritage



National Chocolate Day

St. Jude’s Day



Internet Day

National Cat Day

World Psoriasis Day



Checklist Day

Create a Great Funeral Day

Devil’s Night / Mischief Night

Frankenstein Friday

Haunted Refrigerator Night

International Bandanna Day

National Breadsticks Day

National Candy Corn Day



Beggars’ Night

Books For Treats Day

Day of the Seven Billion

Girl Scout Founder’s Day

Halloween (All Hallows Eve)

National Caramel Apple Day

National Forgiveness Day

National Knock-Knock Jokes Day

National Magic Day




All Saints Day

Hockey Mask Day

Day of the Dead (Dia de Los Muertos)

Extra Mile Day

Give Up Your Shoulds Day

National Authors Day

National Family Caregiver Day

National Family Literacy Day

National Go Cook For Your Pets Day

Prime Meridian Day

Day Saving Time Ends (Turn Clocks Back One Hour)

World Vegan Day



All Souls Day

Cookie Monster Day

Fill Our Staplers Day

Job Action Day

International Day to End Impunity for Crimes Against Journalists

Plan Your Epitaph Day




1955: Tappan introduced the microwave oven in Mansfield, Ohio. Suggested retail price: $1,200.  ***MARLAR: That’s a lot of money for a popcorn popper.


1989: Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor was sentenced to 72-hours in jail for slapping Beverly Hills police officer Paul Kramer after he stopped her for a routine driver’s license check. ***MARLAR: She slapped him with her hand, he slapped her with some cuffs.


1998: 10-year-old Matthew Nonnemacher of Hazleton, Pennsylvania, gave 1,819,691 pennies to the United Way of Greater Hazleton after his community-wide penny drive for Make A Difference Day. That’s $18,196.91. Matt said he just wanted to help people. ***MARLAR: The United Way finished rolling the coins just last week.


1999: A 19-year-old woman with a gun took $150 from a Whitmire, South Carolina, video store, but left a tote bag behind that contained her pager. Police, tracing telephone records, arrested the suspect the next day.




1260: Under Pope Alexander IV, Chartres Cathedral in France was consecrated. Completed in less than 30 years, the structure represents high Gothic architecture at its purest.


1538: French reformer John Calvin wrote in a letter: ‘Among Christians there ought to be so great a dislike of schism, as that they may always avoid it so far as lies in their power.’


1790: English founder of Methodism John Wesley, 87, made the last entry in his 55-year-long journal, written after preaching a sermon: ‘I hope many even then resolved to choose the better part.’ (Wesley died the following March.)


1911: Missionary widow Aimee Elizabeth Kennedy Semple, 21, married Harold Stewart McPherson, also 21. Afterward, Aimee Semple McPherson went on to establish the International Church of the Foursquare Gospel in 1918. (She and Harold would divorce in 1921).


1956: In Syracuse, New York, Margaret Ellen Towner became the first woman ordained in the Presbyterian Church.




  • actor (Scientist Henry Wu who was in the egg-opening scene in Jurassic Park, Father Ray Mukada on HBO’s “Oz”, Dr. George Huang on “Law & Order: SVU”) B.D. Wong 53
  • actor (A Fish Called Wanda, Dave, Silverado) Kevin Kline is 68




(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1911 : Sonny Terry

1930 : J. P. Richardson (aka The Big Bopper)

1936 : Bill Wyman (The Rolling Stones); Born William George Perks

1937 : Santo Farina (Santo & Johnny)

1944 : Ted Templeman (Harper’s Bizarre)

1944 : Bettye Swann

1946 : Jerry Edmonton (Steppenwolf)

1946 : Rob Van Leeuwen (The Shocking Blue)

1947 : Edgar Broughton

1948 : Dale Griffin (Mott The Hoople)

1948 : Paul and Barry Ryan

1954 : Tiny Tavares

1979 : Ben Gillies (Silverchair)

1980 : Monica

1983 : Adrienne Bailon (3LW)




How did the use of laugh tracks on television shows originate?

The laugh track was “invented” on 1940’s radio to spice up the studio audience. With the advent of Television it made the jump over with the “The Hank McCune Show” in 1950.  The Laugh Track was first introduced by engineer Charley Douglass.




Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!


Mercyme guitarist Mike Scheuchzer had an interesting dilemma this week. He shared: some mornings you rescue a chipmunk from your cat who you got to help keep rodents away from your house. Mike clarified: by rodents I could never mean anything as cute as this little guy!!!!



The Ball Brothers continue to ask for prayer for their youngest brother. Josh is a former member of the band. He came down with severe necrotising pancreatitis 41 days ago and is currently in the ICU at Vanderbilt hospital. His brothers announced that the pancreas tissue removed from yesterday’s surgery has tested positive for infection and doctors have started him on a new round of antibiotics. A Go Fund Me account has been started to help support Josh and his family during his lengthy hospital stay.



A first for Christian artist Ellie Holcomb this week. She took her 2 and a half month old baby boy on his first flight. Ellie said: Thankful he digs the car seat and Southwest Air lets you use the car seat for free if there’s an open seat on board.


Tenth Avenue North front man Mike Donehey is trying something new. He tweeted: Hey kids. I started writing a book today. Details soon to follow.


Josh Wilson is having trouble picking outfits. He says the due date for their baby is October 30 but the sex of the baby will be a surprise. Josh added: We don’t know yet which of these outfits we’ll need. Girl or boy? https://instagram.com/p/83kFnMBkbO/


Australian worship leader Darlene Zschech was doing some recording this week but it wasn’t for a new album. She was recording the audio book version of her latest book: Doing the Worship Changes Everything.


Jamie Grace was crying the happiest of tears last week. It was a year ago that her custom Gibson guitar was damaged by Southwest Air. This week Jamie tweeted: today, JuneBug is home. Jamie said she stayed up til 5am playing songs and promised that she will be uploading these throughout the week.


Jon Foreman might need to build up his sleep reserves this week. The Switchfoot frontman is less then a week away from his attempt to perform 25 concerts, featuring 75 songs, in only 24 hours. It’s part of Jon’s release of 4 EPs in 2015 titled The Wonderlands.


Congratulations to Chris August. He announced his engagement over the weekend, sharing online: Once upon a time I met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. After getting to know her I realized her outer appearance didn’t even compare to who she was on the inside. Her kindness. Her unselfishness. Most of all, her love for The Lord. Which is why I had to go on and lock it down! She said yes! I love you Katelin Cummings.


Danny Gokey says God is a healer and a recent picture of his family is a testament to His restoring power. Danny posted on Instagram: 7 years ago I walked through the unexpected loss of my first wife. I didn’t want to live anymore and I really felt like I almost lost myself, buried in the pain and disappointment of it all. But as I post this pic I sit back in amazement at how God’s grace carried me through that painful season and gave this beautiful family!! They are my proof of HIS redemptive and healing work in my life. Danny added: If you find yourself in an unbearably painful situation today, please know that it’s gonna get better and that God WILL restore your life greater than you could’ve ever even imagined. Believe again, Hope again, and get back up again because it’s closer than you think.





At 100, woman still working 11 hours a day, 6 days a week
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — Felimina Rotundo works 11 hours day, six days a week at a Buffalo laundromat and says she has no plans to quit working even though she turned 100 two months ago. HASH(0x13e1380) Rotundo works from 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. washing clothes and handling dry cleaning at the College…


Man, woman charged with theft left name in gallery guestbook
PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say a man and woman left the woman’s name and telephone number in the guestbook of a South Florida art gallery before stealing about $6,000 worth of jewelry. Palm Beach police say 24-year-old Megan Ohara and 19-year-old David Ziskowski took a bracelet and a…
Snake gets loose on Philadelphia bus, leading to evacuation
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Officials say a 4-foot-long boa constrictor has gotten loose on a Philadelphia bus, leading to an emergency evacuation. Transit authority officials say a man carrying a boa constrictor boarded the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority bus just before 3 p.m….
Tiny Oakland house moved down street after owner’s death    photo
OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) — Years after a big city sprouted up around a tiny California house and its 87-year-old owner refused to sell the only home he’d ever known, heavy equipment rolled up to the lot. But it wasn’t there to demolish the three-bedroom Oakland house built by Lawrence Bossola’s…
Guinness declares the longest baguette at 400 feet in Italy    photo
MILAN (AP) — A judge from Guinness World Records has certified a 122-meter-long (400-foot-long) baguette baked at the Milan Expo 2015 World’s Fair as the longest in the world. Some 60 French and Italian bakers worked nearly seven hours Sunday to bake the French bread characterized by its soft…
Public has chance to name new moth species    photo
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — An auction on eBay allows the public to make a different kind of purchase as they peruse the used clothing, electronics and war relics on the site. Up for sale: naming rights to a new insect. A moth that weighs less than an ounce and measures about an inch was discovered…
Iowa police: Man stole taxi because he didn’t want to walk
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — A man accused of stealing a taxi after he was discharged from a Des Moines hospital says he didn’t want to walk home. Des Moines police say 26-year-old Luis Orellana-Rivera drove off with the vehicle shortly after he was released from Mercy Medical Center around 6 a.m….
Alaska church tips pizza delivery driver $1,900
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — More than two weeks after a church congregation in Ohio tipped a pizza delivery driver $1,000, a church in Anchorage has upped the stakes. Anchorage television station KTVA reports (http://is.gd/9Fr43j) that Ken Felber has been a pizza delivery driver for 14 years….
Missing: ‘Slightly sinister’ Ronald McDonald statue
NORTHAMPTON, Mass. (AP) — A Massachusetts family has been searching in vain for its “slightly sinister” statue of Ronald McDonald, which was taken from their summer home during a teenage house party. HASH(0x140e140) Ryan says two boys put the statue in a tree at an athletic club. Someone…
Massachusetts town issues ‘citations’ for good behavior
CONCORD, Mass. (AP) — Getting a ticket from police in one Massachusetts town isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Concord’s police department says it plans to issue up to 200 “citations” for good behavior. That could include such things as wearing a bicycle helmet or a seat belt, yielding to…
The devil made her do it: ‘Hell on Wheels’ arrested for DUI
CLARKSBURG, W.Va. (AP) — Police say a woman accused of drunken driving and hitting six vehicles initially identified herself to an officer as “Hell on Wheels.” The Exponent Telegram (http://bit.ly/1KdL6cI ) reports 38-year-old Amanda Dolores Alleman of Clarksburg was arrested Friday on…





Potential delay on some upgrades to gov’t insurance site    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — With sign-up season starting in less than two weeks, the Obama administration indicated on Monday that some long-awaited upgrades to the government’s health insurance website could take more time before they’re customer-ready. At issue is a new doctor look-up tool for…


A health law fine on the uninsured will more than double    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The math is harsh: The federal penalty for having no health insurance is set to jump to $695, and the Obama administration is being urged to highlight that cold fact in its new pitch for health law sign-ups. That means the 2016 sign-up season starting Nov. 1 could see…
Johnson & Johnson: Stelara fares well in Crohn’s disease
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Johnson & Johnson’s immune disorder drug Stelara significantly reduced symptoms of the inflammatory bowel condition Crohn’s disease with just one infusion in about half the patients tested, according to the company. The results, released Monday, are the first from…
Cambodian on trial for infecting more than 100 with HIV    photo
PHNOM PENH, Cambodia (AP) — An unlicensed medical practitioner who infected more than 100 villagers in northwestern Cambodia with HIV by reusing unclean needles went on trial Tuesday, facing three charges including murder, his lawyer said. Yem Chhrin faces up to life in prison if found guilty…
Indian capital struggles to control dengue fever outbreak    photo
NEW DELHI (AP) — At dusk, the foggers come out to spray their sticky-sweet clouds of diesel smoke and insecticide across the Indian capital. Mothers scold their children for wearing short sleeves. Posters glued to signposts warn about the perils of neighborhood puddles. Such efforts to stop…
WHO chief: Ebola a ‘wake-up call’ for member governments    photo
GENEVA (AP) — The director-general of the World Health Organization says the Ebola crisis in West Africa should serve as a “wake-up call” for member states to do more to prevent deadly disease outbreaks before they occur. Dr. Margaret Chan noted 30 percent of staffers in a WHO preparedness…
Michigan official: Federal water rules not followed in Flint    photo
FLINT, Mich. (AP) — Federal rules governing drinking water weren’t followed properly in Flint, the cash-strapped Michigan city where problems with lead prompted officials to declare a public health emergency, according to the state’s top environmental official. Acknowledging that mistakes…
Rat race: With complaints on rise, NYC redoubles efforts    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — To many in New York City, the rats are winning. The city’s complaint hotline is on pace for a record year of rat calls, exceeding the more than 24,000 over each of the last two years. Blistering audits have faulted efforts to fight what one official called a “rat crisis.” And…
How America’s ‘heroin city’ is turning itself around
RUTLAND, Vt. (AP) — Rutland is fed up with heroin. Take Tom VanEps. He and his neighbors used to just watch, disgusted, as dealers worked Baxter Street, their buyers sometimes littering the ground with used syringes. Now, he said, they confront the dealers and the junkies. “We’ll make them…
UN: 2 new Ebola cases in Guinea show virus still spreading    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says there were two new cases of Ebola in Guinea this week, ending two consecutive weeks in West Africa when no cases of the devastating disease were reported. The two new patients were not previously identified contacts being tracked by health…
Policy makes Plan B more accessible to American Indian women    photo
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. (AP) — The federal Indian Health Service has finalized a policy that makes emergency contraception more accessible to American Indian and Alaska Native women. The written policy released this week requires the morning-after pill to be available to women of any age over the…





(None on the weekends)













CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mike Williams, “Grape Nuts/Chunky Monkey”




OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As The Jungle Turns! Last time, Cheetah Bonita – one of the three-part-harmony-singing Cheetah Sisters came up with a brand new song to share with everyone. But it quickly became apparent that this new song not only didn’t have three part harmony – but it didn’t have any harmony at all! It was a solo!


CLOSE: I don’t know about you, but I’m already tired of Cheetah Bonita’s new Me-My-I song. Hopefully we’ll hear a new tune next time, As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




A botched escape attempt is the topic of today’s Moment of Duh!

Stupid criminals are everywhere… and sometimes they don’t get any smarter even when they’ve been tossed in prison. In Amsterdam, The Netherlands comes the story of an unidentified criminal inDUHvidual prisoner who was just sure he could squeeze through the hatch of his cell door and escape. He was wrong, of course. He was stuck tight and the guards first used oil, then soap and water to try to free him, but to no avail. Finally they had to bring in an oxyacetylene cutting torch to enlarge the hole in the metal door and pull the guy out from between the bars. He’s been moved to a more secure cell… just in case he wants to be stupid again.






  1. Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon


  1. Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon


  1. Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon


  1. Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon


  1. Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon


  1. STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon


  1. Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon


  1. Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon


  1. Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon


  1. Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon


So the next time you’re at the pump be glad your car doesn’t run on Nyquil, Scope or Whiteout!




In Wadsworth, Ohio, firefighters hit the crime-busting jackpot while dousing a fire in a new home.


FILE #1: It did seem strange that the guy believed to be the owner suddenly took off while they were still battling the blaze. Then it all made sense — as soon as they found the $700,000 worth of marijuana plants in the basement. A total of 239 plants were found but that’s not the only crime here. The special marijuana-cultivating system, with special plant-growing lights, was wired to the home’s electrical system in a way that bypassed the meter. Police are now looking for the owner who bought the place just under a month ago.


FILE #2: A man who police said sent electronic messages around the world about the best way to commit murder without being caught will go on trial for the death of his father. In other words, he was caught! Sounds like his book isn’t all that accurate.


FILE #3: A robber is in jail after falling asleep during a car-jacking and being driven to the police station by his kidnapped victim. Emanuele Lot robbed the motorist and then his victim to drive him at gunpoint to his hometown. Lot fell asleep during the journey and his victim drove to the local police headquarters instead. He was woken up by a police officer and is now in jail.


STRANGE LAW: In Fargo, North Dakota one may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.




Joseph S. Kelley is in double trouble for DWI.

Joseph was busted for drunken driving twice in the same day in upstate New York. Troopers report the first arrest came after Kelley stopped at state police headquarters in Millbrook early Sunday to ask for directions. Troopers charge he had a blood alcohol level twice the legal limit. He was supposed to go to a hotel to sleep it off, but police say the Massachusetts man got out of a cab and back into his SUV. He was later arrested for the second time on DWI and sent to the Dutchess County Jail.




Do you spend your spare change, or do you save it up and cash it in later? If you cash it in after accumulating it for a while, do you have special plans for your loose-change windfall?




QUESTION: The book of Proverbs lists four creatures that are small but exceedingly wise. These creatures are ANTS, CONIES (badgers), LOCUSTS, and ____?

ANSWER: Ants, conies (badgers), locusts, and SPIDERS (Proverbs 30)




QUESTION: 47 of these books are sold or distributed every minute throughout the world, according to earnestspeakers.com. What?

ANSWER. The Bible.


QUESTION: Aside from English, what is the most popular language spoken in Hawaii?

ANSWER: Japanese.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. The average length of a coat hanger when straightened is over six feet. (False – it’s 44 inches, just under four feet in length.)


  1. An American Oyster lays about 500 million eggs during its lifetime. (False – it lays that many in just one year. Usually only one oyster out of the bunch reaches maturity.)


  1. Hummingbirds are so light it would take eighteen of them to make a pound. (False – it would take that many just create a single ounce!)


  1. Cats sleep more hours a day than any other mammal. (True – an average of sixteen hours each day.


  1. Every square inch of the human body has an average of 32 million bacteria on it. (True. Eww.)


  1. You shed over a pound of skin every year. (True – we shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour – about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin!)


  1. Hawaii has the only royal palace in the United States. (True – Lolani.)


  1. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. (True – honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.)


  1. James Buchanan was the only US president never to be married. (True.)


  1. Employees of Ben & Jerry’s get one free pint of ice cream a day. (False – they get three free pints each day! Every year the company holds a free cone day, giving away 1 million ice cream cones.)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Legal Pads To Be Made __________!”  (ILLEGAL!)

The Weekly World News reports that Virginia-based Strategic System consultant Todd Manster has filed a formal request with the Federal Corporation Commission to ban legal pads nationwide. “Those incredibly bright and loathsomely long legal pads are an absolute distraction in the workplace,” says Manster. The notebooks are notoriously disruptive in office setting for several reasons: The glaring sunshine-yellow color draws the eye away from the intended focus point; the intrusive legal-sized sheets don’t fit in regular folders, binders or filing systems; and the thick cardboard backing is an environmental nightmare, wasting nearly three trees per bundle. “By eliminating legal pads from their office supply lists, companies can increase productivity twofold and decrease waste considerably,” Manster claimed.





There was a woman who spent some months serving God in Kenya.  On her final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic.  As the Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies.

She wanted to always remember so she recorded this moment and would share it with friends when she arrived home. With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and asked, “Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?”

Her friend looked at her and solemnly replied, “If you boil the water, you won’t get dysentery.”



Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate; their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night. The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just out frightening college students!”



Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed. 

”Fifteen dollars, Ma’am,” he answered.

“Why that’s simply outrageous!” she stormed. “That’s what’s wrong with you Maine people, you’re always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we’re not being gypped here?”

“Raise porcupines, Ma’am.”




Farting helps reduce high blood pressure and is good for your health. ***MARLAR: My dad is the healthiest man on the planet!


A lightning bolt embodies as much as 30,000 amps of electricity, reaches a temperature of 54,000-degrees Fahrenheit (give or take a few degrees), and may be anywhere from 300 yards to 4 miles long.  ***MARLAR: Think that’s a big charge?  You should see the charges on my last Visa bill.


A three-year-old boy in Austin, Minnesota, climbed into an arcade’s claw machine to play with the toys inside.  Firefighters were called to get him out.  ***MARLAR: It took them over 300 quarters.





An Irishman living in England goes for a job on a construction site.  The foreman says, “Can you brew tea?”

The Irishman says, “Yes.”

“Good. Can you drive a fork lift?”

The Irishman looks at him and says, “Why, how big is the teapot?”





Looking for a little more personality in your next family car? Toyota might have the solution for you… a car that smiles, frowns, and can even cry!

Some people really get into creating personalities for their cars… even going to the point of naming them. But you will soon be able to buy a car that will smile, frown, and even cry! It’s made by Toyota, and along with the personality traits, it also takes your pulse and measures your rate of perspiration. It’s called the “POD”. It has U-shaped grooves that light up to express emotion, the headlights positioned mid-way to look like eyes and side-mirrors positioned to look like ears. When its owner approaches, it lights up a happy orange-yellow. Puncture a tire or run out of fuel, it lights up blue, complete with a display of tear-drops. Swerve sharply or brake too hard and the color is an angry red. ***MARLAR: If it were my car it’d turn red from embarrassment whenever I got behind the wheel.





In his beautifully written book, “I Shall Not Want,” Robert Ketchum tells of a Sunday School teacher who asked her group of children if anyone could quote the entire Twenty-third Psalm.

A golden-haired, four-and-a-half-year-old girl was among those who raised their hands.

A bit skeptical, the teacher asked if she could really quote the entire Psalm.

The little girl went to the front of the room, faced the class, made a perky little bow, and said: “The Lord is my Shepherd, that’s all I want.”

She bowed again, then returned to her seat. That may well be the greatest interpretation ever heard.




(modified from Campus Journal)

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers. –1 Timothy 4:12

Some people have a hard time believing that college students make good employees.

In Canada there’s been criticism of the high number of college-age young people who are working as customs and immigration officials. At Canada’s busiest airport, 80 percent of the workers are college students. During peak travel times, that number is as high as 95 percent.

A union official doesn’t like hiring young “unskilled” labor. Nor does he like it that so many young faces make customs counters look like a McDonald’s. (“Would you like fries with your McPassport?”)

But not all observers are down on youthful employees. One customs manager said, “They have had life experiences. They’re very poised, very professional. I’m very proud of them.”

Gaining respect in the church can also be difficult, but not impossible, for young people. From what the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy, the “youth factor” was something that bothered some people even back in the first century. And Timothy was probably around 30 (an old geezer by college standards).

Even though he had been trained by Paul and had been sent as the apostle’s official representative, Timothy had to work hard to earn some respect. Paul told him, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12).

That’s a challenge we too need to accept today. If we want some respect, we can’t demand it, we need to earn it. As followers of Christ, that comes as we learn to control our words and as we live a pure and God-honoring life. If we take the faith seriously, others are likely to take us more seriously.





William Matiger had set up the perfect romantic atmosphere to pop the question to his girlfriend, Karen. There they were… on an intimate horse-drawn carriage ride through New Orleans. Just as he was about to propose, the horse began passing gas. Karen was so overcome by the odor, she couldn’t even give William an answer. William is now suing the carriage owner for over 20-thousand dollars for punitive damages.  ***MARLAR: Or is that “Pee-Yoo-nitive” damages?





Woman’s Day got some Halloween help from Janet Sobesky.

Pumpkin Pointers:

  • Prolong a carved pumpkin’s life by lathering the inside of the shell and cut areas with petroleum jelly.
  • For easy cleanup, set the pumpkin on several layers of newspaper before carving.
  • Avoid cutting mouths that are large open spaces or very long horizontally. They weaken the pumpkin at the bottom and can make it collapse.
  • To prevent a fire hazard, use battery-operated candles to light the pumpkin.
  • Small children can make jack-o’-lantern faces by attaching vegetables, fruit or candy with toothpicks instead of cutting. Try cucumber or squash slices for eyes, a green bean for the nose and candy corn for teeth.

Outdoor Decorations:

  • Make streamers by cutting a plastic garbage bag into strips (cut just a few inches above the bottom of the bag so streamers stay together). Hang them from the porch.
  • Stuff an old shirt and pants to make a scarecrow body. Set on a chair and top with a plastic pumpkin for a head.
  • Fill a large jar with vampire fans and red water (use food coloring). Put it on the porch with fake spiders and bats.
  • Tie cornstalks from a garden center or farm stand to porch columns or the door frame. Put pumpkins and large gourds around the edges of the porch.
  • Put green or red bulbs in your porch lights to create an eerie glow.


  • Give each child a flashlight.
  • Make sure treat bags are sturdy and easy to carry. Take along some extra bags in case one breaks.
  • Keep kids on sidewalks and walkways. Don’t cut across yards: Lawn ornaments and hidden sprinklers can cause injuries.
  • Make it a rule that treats are not to be eaten until after trick-or-treating. This gives you a chance to inspect everything and discard anything that looks suspicious.
  • Alternatives to candy: Give small treats, such as stickers, plastic figures, books, cards and bookmarks. Put the items in a bag, shallow bowl and let each child pick one or two.




Pregnancy might be good for your memory!  

Scientists at the University of Richmond in Virginia, studying pregnant rats, say that hormones released during pregnancy and after birth cause long-lasting changes in the brains of female rats that increase their ability to remember and learn new tasks. Although the research was limited to laboratory animals, the researchers believe it could have the same implications for humans. ***MARLAR: They expect this time next year to be able to train a pregnant woman to go through a maze to find cheese.





  • ISDN: I Still Don’t kNow
  • ISDN: Idiot Services you Don’t Need
  • It said, “Insert disk #3,” but only two will fit!
  • Klingon prompt: strike any user when ready.
  • Manual Writer’s Creed: Garbage in, gospel out.
  • Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb!
  • MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
  • Multitasking – screwing up several things at once.
  • My computer NEVER cras@#%^TU*NO CARRIER
  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
  • Nerd: someone on the Dork Side of the Farce.
  • Network: anything reticulated or decussated at equal intervals, with interstices between the intersections.
  • Never trust a computer you can’t lift. – Stan Masor
  • Never trust a computer you can’t throw out the window. – S. Hunt
  • Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources.
  • One person’s error is another person’s data.
  • One picture is worth 128K.
  • Our system is very reliable. Nothing ever goes wr[}-_+=~'{?>.(#$%{!`’?;f;fkj;uiutoiun;gt;to;g;g;t
  • PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
  • Hard Disk space: the final frontier!
  • Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
  • H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!
  • COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
  • Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
  • ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
  • Hold a hard drive to your ear — listen to the C:
  • I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
  • I am logged in, therefore I am.
  • I are Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated.
  • I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
  • I had a life once… now I have a computer and a modem.
  • I know I’m supposed to back up my files, but I still haven’t found reverse on my PC.
  • I was going to switch her to DOS, but she had a gun
  • I’ll give up my Windows 3.1 when they pry my cold, dead fingers off the mouse.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0
  • In my next life I’m going to have more memory installed
  • Intel – still number 0.999873464508.





This one’s gotta stink… being allergic to technology!

If Joan Stock doesn’t seem to be keeping up with technology, it’s because her health depends on it. The 79-year-old woman is “allergic” to microchips! She suffers from blinding headaches when she goes near computers or hi-tech equipment. Considering that microchips are everywhere now, it appears that she’s stuck in the 1970’s. She and her husband watch TV on a 25-year-old black and white set, drive and old Ford and can only shop where they use old manual cash registers. Her allergy has been diagnosed as a reaction to the electromagnetic radiation generated by microchips.




(Mondays Only)




Even in the worst of times, God is at work. And there is proof of that with the refugee crisis. World Missionary Press is receiving requests for Scripture booklets written specifically for Muslims from all over Europe. Scripture booklets by the hundred of thousands are being sent out. In places where only a few would normally be requested, the numbers have quadrupled. Denmark, for instance, recently requested 1.5 million booklets. http://ift.tt/1WZT9TF



7 Distinguishing Habits of Highly Effective #Pastors 

  • They have genuine enthusiasm.
  • They are great listeners.
  • Their identity is not their vocation.
  • They are intentional about personal witnessing.
  • They have unconditional love of their critics.
  • They have a gentle spirit.
  • They persevere.

How does your pastor measure up?




Living on the Edge believes in the life-changing work of God that happens in the context of small groups. That’s why they say they are so passionate about creating practical small group resources and equipping confident small group leaders. Earlier this month Chip Ingram led a live group leader training with leaders across the world, fielding questions from those in the trenches of ministry. Now that training video is being offered free of charge online. Simply invest an hour to view the training online and leave a more effective small group leader. http://ow.ly/Ttc3D




TV ads show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you’ve got a bloodstained T-shirt, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. –Jerry Seinfeld




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Do You Play Well with Others?

It’s been more than 25 years since Robert Fulghum shared his basics of life wisdom in his book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. This volume of fifty essays reminded us of the importance of cleaning up after ourselves, to share, and to wash our hands before we eat.

My personal favorites included taking a nap every afternoon, watching out for traffic, and that warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. And among the most important of items: don’t hit people. That’s been very valuable advice.

Apparently, more research on preparing students for modern day employment needs a similar revisit. This comes in a new study by David Deming, associate professor of education and economics at Harvard. His message is clear: workers with the best opportunities ahead need social interaction skills. Like learning not to hit people.

Deming is not the only voice on this issue. A summary of others’ input on this can be found in the article, “Why What You Learned in Preschool is Crucial at Work.”
Well developed skills of cooperation, empathy, and flexbility prove more rewarding these days. As I noted in a blog a few weeks ago, robotics are consuming more and more jobs. But the automated types aren’t particularly good at learning how to play well with others.

It seems economists have been scratching their heads trying to figure out why jobs of high skill are losing ground. Those requiring effective social skills are in more demand. Understanding the human touch and connecting well are the expanding job fields.

According to Deming, preschool classrooms reflect more of the real work world. As noted, “Children move from art projects to science experiments to the playground in small groups, and their most important skills are sharing and negotiating with others. But that soon ends, replaced by lecture-style teaching of hard skills, with less peer interaction.” Jobs requiring both thinking and socializing have a real future.

As a result of various research in this area, the conclusion is that our education system needs to adjust. Thus, teaching styles are moving away from primarily classroom lectures to drawing up situations where students interact more in groups. Some college instructors are choosing to do lectures online leaving classroom time for the social side.

My interest piqued a bit when I read where a Nobel prize winning economist discussed teaching values. It is James Heckman who believes that skills like character, dependability, and perseverance are as important as cognitive achievements. But are schools today teaching these values? Heckman doubts it.

Where are you likely to encounter those three aspects of human development in school? Competitive athletic programs certainly preach persevering and being dependable. But is character a skill?

The word character has multiple definitions. Merriam Webster brings us closest to what I believe Heckman was referencing. It reads, “moral excellence and firmness (i.e., a man of sound character). This readily requires an understanding and commitment to moral principles.

And where do these principles get taught? I question that schools today are moral training grounds. Instead, this should be encouraged and nurtured by parents, grandparents, and high influence people in the lives of students. Moral truth needs a source.

In this discussion, practical suggestions on the job included taking an interest in employees’ lives and helping them individually. Once again…where do you learn to care about other people? And why?

Jesus of Nazareth was a proponent of moral truth and human concern. To commit to the highest level of morality, the greatest commandments were stated this way: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and most important command. 39 And the second command is like the first: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’” (Matthew 22:38-39, NCV)

Need to develop the social skills and character to secure a future job? Learn to love God and other people. Rather basic.

And try not to hit people.

That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


OCTOBER 23, 2015…


Bone Tomahawk (opening in select cities)— Kurt Russell is in a western where there are cannibals and weapons made out of bones?  You read that right and remember Halloween isn’t far away.  Someone’s wife is kidnapped and the chase leads into spooky territory. “Bone Tomahawk” is rated R. No rating.


Burnt—Bradley Cooper takes on the role of a chef this time, in fact, one who lost his career due to drugs and now wants to get back on top again. He goes to London and gets help from Sienna Miller. Wonder if Miller and Cooper can really cook?  “Burnt” is rated PG 13. No rating.


*The Bronze does not have an opening date now.


Jem and the Holograms—Coming from the 1980’s TV series, Aubrey Peeples stars as a young singer who gets fans through the Internet. With family in tow, she goes to the big city only to meet a life different from her own. Also in the cast are Molly Ringwald and Juliette Lewis. “Jem and the Holograms” is rated PG 13. No rating.


The Last Witch Hunter— Vin Diesel comes from the Middle Ages, where he kills an important witch, only to be cursed with not being able to die.  Fast forward, and now he is in New York City, trying to get this curse off him. Also in the cast is Rose Leslie (“Game of Thrones.”) “The Last Witch Hunter” is rated R. No rating.


Nasty Baby (opening in select cities)— In this film, Kristen Wiig is one of three people who try three-way parenting.  It is a novel idea, but will it work?  Along comes problems and the scenario turns into a spook fest.   Also in the cast is Tunde Adebimpe. “Nasty Baby” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension— Brit Shaw is here and another installment in the saga of “Paranormal Activity.“  Sigh..yawn.  Guess there will be more film footage discovered, . and close to Halloween, so what do you think?  “Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension” is rated R. No rating.


Rock the Kasbah— Bill Murray in Afghanistan trying to get new music talent? Yup, you read that right. The story has Murray as a has-been manager and his only star (Zooey Deschanel) leaves him in Kabul, so he tries to find someone there to take him to the top again. Apparently, there is a version of “American Idol” there, also.  “Rock the Kasbah” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for Bill Murray fans.


Suffragette— Meryl Streep sinks her teeth into another role, this time as Emmeline Pankhurst who is trying to get women’s right to vote in England.  Carey Mulligan is middle class and decides to help the cause. This is about 1911. You can imagine the mayhem caused by the idea of women voting.  “Suffragette” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.


OCTOBER 30, 2015…


Our Brand Is Crisis is a Central American political story starring Sandra Bullock and Billy Bob Thornton.


Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is a horror film starring Tye Sheridan.


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