October 27, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151027

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Well, fans, it finally happened. (THE JOCK SHOW) has been declared legally off the wall. You’ll have to put a warning label on your radio.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” –Psalm 37:7

 

Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. –1 Corinthians 10:24

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Listen to advice and accept instruction and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. — Proverbs 19:20-21

 

Thought: “Man proposes, heaven disposes.” Most of us rush to give advice and make grandiose plans. The Wiseman reminds us that wisdom comes from submitting to instruction for a significant period of time and then, only at the end of long listening does it come. If you are like me, you would do much better to let your plans ripen a bit more in the light of the Lord before you launch into them. I am comforted that James, the wisdom writer of the New Testament, reminds us that God will give that wisdom if we seek it and not doubt. But while we pray for wisdom, let’s pray also for patience to listen to the Lord’s truth in Scripture so we may recognize wisdom when it comes!

 

Prayer: Almighty God, teach me your ways and help me discern your paths for my life. I have so many plans and schemes, but I know if they are not from you, they will not stand. Lead me to your wisdom and I will not only seek to know it, but also seek to live it by the power supplied by your Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Mark 10:27 NIV = Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – OCTOBER 27, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 59 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is CRANKY CO-WORKERS DAY. ***MARLAR: In honor of all the complaining and just plain cranky co-workers you have to endure all year, this is the day to let them go with it and enjoy their miseries.

 

Today is NATIONAL POTATO DAY. ***MARLAR: Kinda boring, but if you modify it and say it’s “National Boss Buys Potato Chips For The Entire Staff Day” you might not have so many cranky co-workers.

 

Today is BOXER SHORTS DAY.  ***MARLAR: And in answer to the question in your mind, the answer is, no, I don’t.

 

Today in BRING YOUR JACK-O-LANTERN TO WORK DAY. ***MARLAR: If you’re not into Halloween though, you can bring a guy named Jack and stick a candle in his mouth.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Navy Day

World Day of Audiovisual Heritage

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28

National Chocolate Day

St. Jude’s Day

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29

Internet Day

National Cat Day

World Psoriasis Day

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30

Checklist Day

Create a Great Funeral Day

Devil’s Night / Mischief Night

Frankenstein Friday

Haunted Refrigerator Night

International Bandanna Day

National Breadsticks Day

National Candy Corn Day

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 31

Beggars’ Night

Books For Treats Day

Day of the Seven Billion

Girl Scout Founder’s Day

Halloween (All Hallows Eve)

National Caramel Apple Day

National Forgiveness Day

National Knock-Knock Jokes Day

National Magic Day

Samhain

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 01

All Saints Day

Hockey Mask Day

Day of the Dead (Dia de Los Muertos)

Extra Mile Day

Give Up Your Shoulds Day

National Authors Day

National Family Caregiver Day

National Family Literacy Day

National Go Cook For Your Pets Day

Prime Meridian Day

Day Saving Time Ends (Turn Clocks Back One Hour)

World Vegan Day

 

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 02

All Souls Day

Cookie Monster Day

Fill Our Staplers Day

Job Action Day

International Day to End Impunity for Crimes Against Journalists

Plan Your Epitaph Day

 

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 03

Cliché Day

Election Day

Sandwich Day

SOS Day

Traffic Directors Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1901: Boxer shorts were first introduced in the U.S., the same day a getaway car was used for the first time when thieves robbed a shop in Paris, France.

 

1941: In the Great Doughnut Debate, judges ruled that 15-year-old Hanson Gregory of Clam Cove, Maine, had invented the doughnut hole in 1847 when he punched the centers out of his mother’s fried cakes because, “the centers were never cooked done anyway.”

 

1947: “You Bet Your Life” debuted on ABC Radio with Groucho Marx as quizmaster and George Fenneman as Groucho’s straightman. The program continued on radio into 1959 and ran on NBC television from 1950-1961.

 

1954: Walt Disney’s first television program, titled “Disneyland” after his soon-to-be completed theme park, premiered on ABC.

 

1973: The first edition of the New International Version of the Bible was published. Over 100-million copies have been sold worldwide.

 

1987: A burglar broke into a house in Gilroy, California, made the bed, did the dishes, took out the trash, put dirty clothes in the hamper, and hung new curtains in the bedroom. The only thing missing was the old curtains.

 

1992: Low-tech Tipper Gore, campaigning for U.S. Second Lady, admitted covering the clock on her VCR with black tape so she wouldn’t have to watch it blink. ***MARLAR: How can that be, seeing as she married to a guy who claims he helped invent the Internet?

 

1995: A contract was signed that would move the Cleveland Browns to Baltimore, but it wasn’t announced until November 6th.

 

1998: A truck overturned in the Idaho mountains and spilled a half-million honeybees and their honey all over Interstate 90. The honey-slick highway had to be closed for two hours until it could be sanded and made safe again. No one was hurt, but state police said it was a “major mess.”

 

1999: A Hong Kong hospital suspended a surgeon after a patient complained he used a cellphone to talk about buying a car during the surgery. The patient said that, under only a local anaesthetic, he heard the conversation.

 

2002: A man in Madison, Wisconsin, was hospitalized with critical injuries after trying to kill his head lice. Police say the 26-year-old doused a towel with rubbing alcohol, put it on his head and then lit a cigarette. He suffered burns on about 50 percent of his body.

 

2004: The Boston Red Sox swept the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series, winning game four 3-0. It was the Red Sox first World Series win since 1918.

 

2007: To stop men from urinating in public, Paris officials developed a sloping, undulating wall that sprayed urine back at anyone who peed on it. Fines of up to $600 had failed to discourage the unsightly and unsanitary habit among French men. A new sidewalk at the wall also was difficult to stand on particularly after a third beer.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1553: In Switzerland, Spanish physician Michael Servetus, 42, convicted for promulgating anti-Trinitarianism, was condemned for heresy and blasphemy, and burned at the stake in Geneva.

 

1771: Landing at Philadelphia, pioneer bishop Francis Asbury, 26, first arrived in America. He had been sent from England by John Wesley to oversee Methodism in the American colonies, and stayed all of his remaining 45 years, till his death in 1816.

 

1889: The first Lithuanian Church in America was organized in Plymouth (near Wilkes-Barre), PA. Rev. Alexander Burba was its first pastor.

 

1963: One month before his death at age 65, English apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in a letter: ‘Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I’m not sure that old age isn’t the best part of life.’

 

1977: American missionary and apologist Francis Schaeffer wrote in a letter: ‘The unforgivable sin is not something done once and for all and which when done is without remedy. it is the constant, unremitting resistance of the gracious work of the Holy Spirit for salvation.’

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Mandy Webster on “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”, Officer Mary Franco on “NYPD Blue”) Sheeri Rappaport 38 (
    )
  • actress (Wild Things, Pale Rider) Carrie Snodgrass 69
  • singer (“God Bless the U.S.A.”) Lee Greenwood 73

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1782 : Niccolò Paganini

1924 : Bonnie Lou

1933 : Floyd Cramer

1942 : Lee Greenwood

1945 : Mark Ryan (Quicksilver Messenger Service)

1949 : Gary Tallent (E Street Band)

1949 : Byron Allred (The Steve Miller Band)

1951 : Kenneth K.K. Downing (Judas Priest)

1958 : Simon Le Bon (Duran Duran)

1967 : Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots)

1984 : Kelly Osbourne

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What happens to your Social Security number when you die?  Do they re-issue it?
The Social Security Administration states it does not re-assign numbers after the original holder’s death. So far, over 400 million Social Security numbers have been issued, and about six million new numbers are assigned annually. Apparently there are enough numbers left to last for several generations.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Casting Crowns Mark Hall was having a little fun with a Halloween donation before destroying the evidence. He shared: someone thought it was a good idea to donate a bunch of vampire teeth to the fall festival for us to give out to children. Mark and the fellow members of his churches youth pastor team were given the bag of teeth and told to dispose of them. Mark said: and we will… Eventually. Attached was a picture Mark and the rest of the team giving the teeth a test run.

 

The Afters Josh Havens says technology is helping him stay connected with his family even while on the road. He tweeted over the weekend: FaceTiming in to watch my sons soccer game.

 

Robbie Seay says we might want to reconsider who we select for president. The front man for the the Robbie Seay band recently tweeted: Watched a mother of an infant navigate airport TSA – traveling alone with bags and a big stroller. I’m certain she could run the country.

 

Jamie Grace is hearing her own music in several local stores. She tweeted: so far I’ve heard that JC Penney, Walgreens and Belk play my songs in their stores.

 

The Rock and Worship Roadshow is proving to be a popular event. The tour this week announced the cities and artists for the two month series of concerts and the ensuing rush broke the tours web site. However, officials say they got out their duct tape and the site is all better now.

http://theroadshowtour.com

 

The Sidewalk Prophets celebrated their annual roommate pumpkin carving last week. Front man Dave Frey posted a picture of three entries that include Kermit the Frog and Dave’s entry, Charlie Brown and Snoopy

https://instagram.com/p/9Eyg0zGIDU/

 

Josh Wilson says he and his wife are in the: “Countdown for our pumpkin.” The couples baby is due at the end of this month.

 

 

ODD & WEIRD NEWS…

Student who went on mac and cheese tirade no longer at UConn
STORRS, Conn. (AP) — A 19-year-old University of Connecticut student who went on a drunken, obscenity-laced tirade against food service workers for refusing to sell him jalapeno-bacon macaroni and cheese is no longer enrolled at the university and has been banned from all school property,…

 

Ex-Miss America visits university class on beauty pageants    photo
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — There she is in class, Miss America. Former Miss America Kate Shindle has become the subject of an Ivy League classroom. A Brown University class being offered for the first time this fall is giving students the opportunity to examine how and why pageantry and…
61 wingsuit skydivers set formation record over California    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Sixty-one wingsuit skydivers have flown into the record books, creating a diamond-shaped formation while soaring over California before breaking apart and floating to the ground. The group set the record for the largest such formation Saturday at Skydive Perris, 80 miles…
‘Back To The Future’ fans: Austria issues hoverboard rules    photo
VIENNA (AP) — It’s the day that Marty McFly landed in the future — and Austria’s transport ministry is ready with guidelines for hoverboards. Fans of “Back to the Future 2” know that McFly arrived on Oct. 21, 2015 — Wednesday. They also will remember the hoverboard sequence, with…
2 accused of trying to sell stolen dog – to dog’s owners
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. (AP) — Authorities in Southern California say two people were arrested after they allegedly tried to sell a stolen bulldog to the dog’s original owners. HASH(0x1400dd0) When the owners saw Gunny listed for sale on Craigslist last week for $2,500, they contacted the San…
Man on motorized wheelchair given DUI citation
CONYERS, Ga. (AP) — A Conyers man has been accused of DUI and public drunkenness while operating a motorized wheelchair inside a grocery store. Multiple media outlets are reporting that 48-year-old Danny W. Mitchell was cited Friday at a Kroger supermarket. According to an incident report,…
Alleged wedding crasher bites officer, police dog
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. (AP) — Santa Barbara police have detained a 22-year-old man they say crashed a wedding, then bit an officer and a police dog during a six-minute melee. Sgt. Riley Harwood says police were called Saturday night after a stranger — who may have been on drugs —…
Man reunites with stolen car after more than 30 years
NORTH CANTON, Ohio (AP) — A northeastern Ohio man has been reunited with his car after it was reported stolen more than 30 years ago. HASH(0x140d8c0) The North Canton man last saw the car on Oct. 24, 1981. He parked it outside a grocery store where he worked, and it was gone 20 minutes later….
Denver woman gets photo-radar ticket for her stolen SUV
DENVER (AP) — A Denver woman says police mailed her a ticket after photo radar caught her SUV speeding. But it wasn’t her behind the wheel — the vehicle was stolen weeks before. HASH(0x140da60) She hopes someone recognizes the four males in the photo, but she says it’s a little…
Police: Man threw urine in bus driver’s face in New York
NEW YORK (AP) — Police are searching for a man who they say threw urine in a bus driver’s face in New York City. Police say the suspect boarded the bus in the Bronx with a 5-year-old boy. He got into an argument with the driver as the bus pulled up to the Pelham Bay station and allegedly…
New Mexico thrift-store workers find $290,000 in bonds
TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, N.M. (AP) — Two thrift-store workers in Truth or Consequences found more than clothes and knickknacks in the donation box, instead finding an envelope stuffed with $290,000 in U.S. savings bonds. HASH(0x13d43d0) Police say they contacted the man, who recalled the exact…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

Marijuana use in US adults doubles in decade, surveys show    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Marijuana use among U.S. adults doubled over a decade, rising to almost 10 percent or more than 22 million mostly recreational users, government surveys show. The trend reflects a cultural shift and increasingly permissive views about the drug, the researchers say, noting that…

 

23andMe returns with FDA-approved genetic health tests    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Genetic testing company 23andMe is reintroducing some health screening tools that federal regulators forced off the market more than two years ago, due to concerns about their accuracy and interpretation by customers. The Google-backed company said Wednesday it will again…
Romanian lawmakers vote to limit marketing of milk formula
BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) — Romania’s Parliament has approved a law restricting the way milk formula is marketed in Romania where just 12.6 percent of mothers breastfeed their infants. Lawmakers voted 275-0 on Wednesday with four abstentions to limit the way milk formula manufacturers and…
UK doctors say nurse suffering Ebola relapse has improved
LONDON (AP) — Doctors treating a Scottish nurse suffering from a rare relapse of Ebola say she has improved significantly and are hopeful she will make a full recovery. Dr. Michael Jacobs of the Royal Free Hospital said Wednesday that Pauline Cafferkey was hospitalized earlier this month for…
Clinton questions plans for health insurers to merge
WASHINGTON (AP) — Hillary Rodham Clinton warned Wednesday that two major health insurers preparing multibillion dollar acquisitions could tip “the balance of power” too far away from consumers. The Democratic presidential candidate said in a statement she had “serious concerns” with the…
Congressman seeks federal probe into Flint water problems
DETROIT (AP) — Officials in Michigan are asking the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency to answer questions about its oversight of state environmental regulators after elevated blood-lead levels were found in children whose Flint homes received river water. U.S. Rep. Dan Kildee, who…
Cancer group’s mammogram advice: Start later and get fewer    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — The American Cancer Society now says women should start mammograms later in life and get fewer of them, a stance that puts the trusted group closer to an influential government task force’s advice. In new guidelines out Tuesday, the cancer society recommends that most women…
Breast cancer screening advice from 2 major groups compared
CHICAGO (AP) — Advice varies on when women should start getting screened for breast cancer and how often. The American Cancer Society revised its guidelines Tuesday, bringing them more in line with those of the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force, an influential government-appointed panel. A…
Potential delay on some upgrades to gov’t insurance site    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — With sign-up season starting in less than two weeks, the Obama administration indicated on Monday that some long-awaited upgrades to the government’s health insurance website could take more time before they’re customer-ready. At issue is a new doctor look-up tool for…
A health law fine on the uninsured will more than double    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The math is harsh: The federal penalty for having no health insurance is set to jump to $695, and the Obama administration is being urged to highlight that cold fact in its new pitch for health law sign-ups. That means the 2016 sign-up season starting Nov. 1 could see…
Johnson & Johnson: Stelara fares well in Crohn’s disease
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Johnson & Johnson’s immune disorder drug Stelara significantly reduced symptoms of the inflammatory bowel condition Crohn’s disease with just one infusion in about half the patients tested, according to the company. The results, released Monday, are the first from…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Matthew McConaughey’s older brother – Michael “Rooster” McConaughey – says Miller Lite is his favorite beer, and he loves it so much he’s actually named his son Miller Lyte.  ***The McConaugheys… doing their part to keep the redneck stereotype alive and well.

 

Link and Logan Gorveatt may share the same DNA but the twins will have different birthdays after being born 18 days apart. Logan was born last week after his brother Link was delivered on Sept. 29.  It’s obviously a very unusual delivery. Holli Gorveatt had gone into labor early in September due to the weight of twins on her cervix. Doctors had no choice but to deliver one twin, Link, at just 23 weeks.  *** Mom is doing fine, but the twins are already fighting – with the oldest telling his younger brother “ ou were adopted”.

 

Congressman Paul Ryan says will run for House speaker if all factions of the GOP endorse him.  *** So in other words, “I don’t want to run for the position unless everybody loves me and accepts me for who I am.”  How did this guy ever get into politics?!?!

 

Need a temporary holiday job? Amazon plans to nearly double its workforce this holiday season, adding 100,000 temporary workers.  *** They are an equal-opportunity Amazon woman employer.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

So somebody went ahead and made a deep fried version of Starbucks’ beloved pumpkin spice latte. Food blogger Amy Erickson of Oh, Bite It came up with the idea. To create the treats, Erickson suggests using store-bought angel food cake or poundcake. Then you basically just soak them in a pumpkin spice latte, fry them and sprinkle them with cinnamon and sugar.  ***MARLAR: The only thing better than this would be the ability to buy it in bulk, individually wrapped, so you can give it out on Halloween instead of those disgusting popcorn balls.

 

According to research (American Time Use Survey and Pew Research Center), parents together now spend 27.6 hours a week on chores, down from 36.3 in 1965. Some of their new free time is being spent on their children. They spend 20.8 hours a week on child care, up from 12.7 in 1965.  ***MARLAR: Most of which is caring for sniffles, colds, and flu, because the house is always dirty now.

 

Attention, men!  Stop thinking she’ll never leave you because you’re so amazing… she will, and she has someone waiting in the wings. 43% of women say they have a Mr. Plan B, according to a new survey, and the most likely candidate is an ‘old friend.’ Yes, the guy she claims is ‘just like a brother to her.’ Other candidates are an ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, colleagues, or someone she met in the gym. To make you feel better, one in 10 have already confessed their undying love for her and say they would ‘drop everything for her.’  ***MARLAR: Now, go out and have a nice day.

 

Google’s management claims our children may have to change their names to escape their ‘cyber past’.  He says the private lives of young people are now so well documented on the internet that many will have to change their names on reaching adulthood.  They suggested that young people should be entitled to change their identity to escape their misspent youth, which is now recorded in excruciating detail on social networking sites such as Facebook.   ***MARLAR: THOSE grades?  No, those lousy grades can’t be mine… that was some guy named John Smith.  My name is Shmon Jith!

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Girl Scout Cookies”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Michelle Krajecki, “Sensible Shoes”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As The Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, the singing Cheetah Sisters weren’t getting along very well – mostly because Cheetah Bonita’s new song had no room for anyone but her. No three-part harmonies, just Cheetah Bonita singing solo. Not only that, but she refused to sing any other songs!

 

CLOSE: Do you think this is why other music groups break up? Find out what happens next time on As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 31/NOVEMBER 01

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson’s little sister Katie was pretty unfeeling towards Marvy and his having a cold. In fact, she showed no compassion at all. And just about that time, the snow outside began melting really fast – and it flooded the backyard, then into the house, and now she’s been swept onto the high seas!

 

CLOSE: Sounds like Candyland is going to be a really fun – and tasty place to visit! But what does all of this have to do with compassion? We’ll find out next time as our story continues, on As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

In Romania, an unidentified man got into an argument with some of his friends and, to prove to them that he could do it, he stole a car.

He smashed the window, used a screwdriver to start the ignition and drove off down a busy road. Unfortunately, he only made it about a half a mile before crashing into a tree. He told the cops he crashed because he didn’t know the way home.  I think there might have been another problem. You see, the reason his friends didn’t think he could pull off the crime is because our guy is legally blind.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN INVENTIONS THAT DIDN’T SUCCEED

  1. The water-proof towel
  2. Glow in the dark sunglasses
  3. Submarine screen doors
  4. A book on how to read
  5. A dictionary index
  6. Mechanical pencil sharpeners
  7. Powdered water
  8. Waterproof tea bags
  9. The helicopter ejector seat
  10. The cordless extension cord

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

 

An elderly man defeats a would-be burglar!

 

FILE #1: Your home burglary career isn’t bound to be too promising when an 83-year-old man connected to an oxygen tank gets the drop on you. Two knife-wielding would-be robbers forced their way into the home of 83-year-old Harry Carpenter and his wife, Jackie, while they were having dinner. One of them made Harry have a seat while the other went with 80-year-old Jackie to get money from her bedroom. When Jackie pretended to faint, the intruder who was holding Harry went into the other room to see what was happening. That allowed Harry to go to the laundry room and grab his unloaded squirrel rifle. When they returned, they found themselves looking down the barrel of Harry’s rifle and fled without any money.

 

FILE #2: A British family was not too clear on the concept of a “real emergency”. The family in Wolverhampton, England called the 9-9-9 emergency number (the equivalent to the American 9-1-1 number) in desperate need of help. But when paramedics arrived the family’s so-called emergency was that their television had broken! A spokesperson for the ambulance company rationalized that the distraught family didn’t realize the service (the 9-9-9 number) is usually reserved for fire, police or medical emergencies.  ***MARLAR: Perhaps they should expand the service to mental health emergencies as well.

 

FILE #3: 64 year old Betty Richmond was arrested in December 1998 for taking her grandson to Atlanta without telling the boy’s parents, who are divorced. Richmond pleaded no contest to felony interference with child custody for keeping the boy for more than 12 hours without his parents’ consent. She was originally sentenced to 2 years in prison but it was reduced after Richmond began experiencing health problems so now she has been sentenced to a year – of quilting! Richmond has that long to make a child-themed quilt which will be raffled off to benefit a local family advocacy group.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Fort Madison, Iowa, firemen are required to practice for 15 minutes before attending a fire.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

The police officer of the year in Council Bluffs, Iowa has been charged with drunken driving.

Officer Terry Cozad has been on paid administrative leave since his arrest Sunday night by a Mills County sheriff’s deputy. Authorities say he refused to take an alcohol breath test. Cozad has been with the Council Bluffs police department since 1999. He was named officer of the year earlier this year.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Adults were recently asked what candy they loved getting when they went trick-or-treating. At the top: Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups. What about it – what’s the absolute best candy to give out to those cute little boys and ghouls?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: In the Old Testament, 42,000 were killed for the incorrect pronunciation of one word. What was the word?

ANSWER: Shibboleth (Judges 12)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Where in the world are you and in what direction are you facing if the following conditions are true? If you move to the right, it’s Saturday, July 1st. If you move to the left, it’s Sunday, July 2nd. If you move forward it’s summer, if you move backward it’s winter. Where are you?

ANSWER: You are at the intersection of the equator and the international dateline, facing north.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The “WD” in WD-40 stands for “Water Displacer.” (True. The name WD-40 was lifted right out chemist Norm Larsen’s laboratory notebook. Way back in 1953, he was trying to concoct an anti-corrosion formula, which worked on the basic principle of displacing water. On his 40th try, Larsen finally got it right. Hence the name WD-40. It literally means Water Displacer, 40th try.)

 

  1. The five most stolen items in a drugstore are batteries, cosmetics, film, sunglasses, and, Preparation H. (True. Apparently people are just too embarrassed to purchase the last item. And, just in case you are curious, one of Preparation H’s main ingredients is shark liver oil. The oil not only helps shrink hemorrhoids, but will shrink any tissue. As a result, many older women in Florida use the stuff to help reduce the appearance of wrinkles!)

 

  1. No one has yet to invent a name for the plastic things on the end of shoelaces. (False – they are called “aglets.”)

 

  1. There is such a thing as a “Dull Men’s Hall of Fame.” (True – it’s located in Carroll, Wisconsin.)

 

  1. Connecticut was the first state to recognize Christmas as an official holiday. (False, it was Alabama.)

 

  1. South Carolina was the first state to have roadside picnic tables. (False – it was Michigan.)

 

  1. No matter where you stand in Michigan, you are never more than 85 miles from a Great Lake. (True.)

 

  1. It’s legal for the blind to hunt in the state of Michigan. (True – in 1997, Michigan became the 16th state to allow the blind to hunt.)

 

  1. The official beverage of Ohio is potato juice. (False, it’s tomato juice.)

 

  1. “Home on the Range” is the state song for Kansas. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

WALKING _______ IN IOWA CEMETERY (DEAD)

IOWA – Lehigh’s Oak Grove Cemetery has turned into the Night of the Living Dead!

An Iowa man, and his wife went to visit her relatives in Lehigh’s  Oak Grove Cemetery and found find herself stepping onto the set of a horror film.  “There were Zombies everywhere. They were coming out of the ground!” said Laura Wilcox of Des Moines.

The Wilcox family made a run for their car, but Dan Wilcox fell on the way to the car.  Laura took off without him.  “I didn’t know what to do, there were Zombies surrounding my car,”  Wilcox told Weekly World News  through tears.  She plans to return to the cemetery later today with local authorities.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

 

JOKE #1

There’s a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the local grocery store. The manager doesn’t know what Junior’s problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks short of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel.

To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it’s bigger.

One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, “Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or what?”

Junior said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d quit doing it!”

 

 

JOKE #2

“I’m sorry,” said the clerk in flower shop, “we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?”

Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”

 

 

JOKE #3

HALLOWEEN JUST ISN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE

  • Invisible man recently getting invisible hair transplants
  • Headless Horseman now driving a hybrid
  • To make ends meet, Freddy Kruger now working at Benihana’s
  • Dracula now insisting all of his victims first get a blood test
  • Wolfman constantly mistaken for Wolverine

 

 

USELESS FACTS

It’s likely that we are all descendants of the Pharaohs. ***MARLAR: So feel free to continue demanding the world treat you like a princess.

 

A teenager in Somerset, England, invented a cell phone charger that’s powered by his hamster’s exercise wheel.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, my cell provider suggested I do the same thing.

 

“Stop the Violence”, a play about conflict resolution and the consequences of fighting, has been cancelled in Port Arthur, Texas after fighting broke out at one of the performances.  ***MARLAR: What – like you need a kicker comment for this story?!?!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

ALLL-EEE-OOP!

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers ‘Aleeee ooop’ in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens–the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me – it’s this horse. What is he – deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf?? DEAF?? He’s not deaf–he’s BLIND!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

GOING TO THE DOGS
Like most men, David Allison picked his best friend to be the best man at his wedding.

…the difference is, David best man was “man’s best friend”. That’s right, he picked his pet dog. David’s dog Murphy, a boxer was dressed in a bow-tie and kilt for the ceremony. The dog obviously plays a big role in the life of David. The hairdresser also named his shop after his dog: “Murphy – Hair of the Dog”. No word on how his bride felt about the whole dog-thing. She reportedly is allergic.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Galatians 2: 16. Man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus.
There is nothing more sure than this: Refusing to take hold of Christ by faith robs us of our comfort and the assurance of our salvation. Moreover, when anyone replaces the redemptive act of the Cross of Calvary, with their own presumption of salvation, Christ becomes a curse to them.
“The more we labor to get grace, the less we know how to take hold of Christ. The more He is unknown by faith, the more we cannot expect to receive counsel, help, or comfort, even though we may die in the attempt.” –Martin Luther

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

ADDICTED?

Face it. You’re addicted. You try to tell yourself you’re okay. That you can handle it. That you can stop anytime you want. You make vows. You make pacts with yourself. You even tell God that you won’t do it anymore. But then there’s nobody around. The computer is on. The Internet is just a couple of clicks away, and you can get into those Web sites without anybody knowing. So you forget what you told yourself. You ignore God’s promptings. You tune in and turn on to those pornographic sites you “accidentally found.” Even as you do, you cook up all your excuses–just in case you get caught. After you are through getting your thrills, you hate yourself again, just like before. You fear what you’ve heard–that someone can trace your steps on the computer and discover where you’ve been. Again you beg God to forgive you. Again you wonder how to stop.

You are not alone. Whether anyone else admits it or not, you can be assured that among your friends are others who are addicted to any number of destructive activities. It could be an illegal substance. It could be alcohol. It could be gambling. It could be nicotine. It could be other forms of media. Addictions of one form or another afflict many Christians.

What can be done if you are stuck in the unrelenting grasp of an addiction? You can go on hiding, letting yourself miss the joy of forgiveness and God’s understanding heart–or you can do something about it.

First, recognize that you are not alone. Even the apostle Paul spoke of the struggle with doing things he knew he shouldn’t do (Romans 7:18-19).

Second, realize that you are a slave to whatever you serve (Romans 6:16).

Third, understand that Christ’s gift of salvation is our ticket out of sin’s clutches (Romans 6:6).

To take advantage of that, you need to make a couple of decisions. One, don’t let sin reign (Romans 6:12). Keep it away at all costs. And two, refuse to use your body for sin (6:13). You need to see yourself as a holy dwelling place of God’s Spirit.

The next time the urge hits to follow your addiction, follow this 3-step plan, and you won’t give in to the addiction. Sometimes the addict is the last to know it.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

GREEN BIBLE

Is God, “green?”

A new Bible in stores is boasting soy-based ink and partly recycled paper.  Appropriately called The Green Bible, the book indexes all references to animals, land and water. It also highlights in green ink all verses of the New Revised Standard Version that speak to stewardship of the planet. Publisher Harper Collins says the Bible contains 1,000 references to the planet, more than twice as many as references to heaven.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

HAVING A FAMILY ARGUMENT? GO TO THE KITCHEN!

The best place in the house to talk over family problems is in the kitchen. Experts say it’s the one room where everyone relaxes. It’s the heart of the home and it gives us a sense of security. Other rooms in the house have too many distractions. In the living room or family room there could be a battle over what to watch on TV, which causes barriers to rise and prevents open discussion.  ***MARLAR: I don’t know… sometimes I find a full refrigerator to be quite a distraction.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

BEFORE THERE WAS QVC, THERE WAS RON POPEIL

Ron Popeil was an inventor who became a multimillionaire by pitching labor-saving, albeit unusual, devices on TV. But wait . . . there’s more! Here are some of Ron Popeil’s famous and infamous products – ever buy one?

  • VEG-O-MATIC – The Chop-O-Matic was introduced in the mid-1950s at the amazing low price of $3.98. Ron renamed it the Veg-O-Matic and pitched it as “the greatest kitchen appliance ever made. . . .”
  • POCKET FISHERMAN – “the biggest fishing invention since the hook . . . and still only $19.95.”
  • MR. MICROPHONE – Launched in 1978, Mr. Microphone was a low-power FM modulator that turned radios into annoying precursors of the karaoke machine.
  • SMOKELESS ASHTRAY – The Smokeless Ashtray was a tiny device that promised to suck up the smoke coming from cigars and cigarettes before it filled the room, and in the 1970s, Ron sold more than a million of these contraptions at $19.95 each.
  • INSIDE-THE-SHELL EGG SCRAMBLER – Not one of Popeil’s best sellers, but here’s how it works: A bent pin pierces the eggshell, rotates inside it, and creates perfectly scrambled eggs and yolk-free hard-boiled eggs.
  • DIAL-O-MATIC – If the Chop-O-Matic and Veg-O-Matic don’t cut veggies small enough that the kids can’t recognize them, the Dial-O-Matic will. This food slicer debuted in the mid-1950s, preceding the modern food processor, and at the original price of $3, took a much smaller slice out of the family budget.
  • AUTOMATIC PASTA MAKER – This gadget allows you to make 12 different shapes of preservative-free homemade pasta in just five minutes!
  • GLH FORMULA NUMBER 9 HAIR SYSTEM – Got a bald spot? Ron Popeil can fix it with the GLH Formula Number 9 Hair System. Great Looking Hair isn’t real hair but a spray that matches your hair color, thickens thinning hair, and covers bald spots.  Yep – it was spray paint to make it look like you had hair.
  • SHOWTIME ROTISSERIE AND BBQ OVEN – Introduced in 1998, the Showtime Rotisserie and BBQ Oven is by far Popeil’s most successful product to date. He has sold seven million units in three different models: the $99.95 Compact Rotisserie, the $159.80 Standard Rotisserie, and the $209.75 Pro Rotisserie.
  • ELECTRIC FOOD DEHYDRATOR – Introduced in 1965 at $59.95, Popeil called it “the most famous food dehydrator in the world!”
  • SOLID FLAVOR INJECTOR – Resembling a syringe with a large plastic “needle,” this gadget is used to inject fillings such as dried fruit, small vegetables, nuts, chocolate chips, and candy into foods such as hams, roasts, cupcakes, and pastries.

 

 

FUN LIST

ACTUAL WARNING LABELS

  • On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
  • On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
  • On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
  • On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
  • On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. (printed on bottom of the box)
  • On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
  • On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
  • On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
  • On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
  • On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
  • On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
  • On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
  • On Sainsbury’s peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
  • On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
  • On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
  • On a child’s superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

According to the experts, surfing the web at work for non-work reasons really isn’t all that bad.

Not all employees browsing sports scores or news updates should feel guilty. A new survey by The Creative Group has found that 57% of advertising and marketing executives polled said it’s OK for employees to visit non-work-related Web sites during business hours. When asked the maximum amount of time that should be permissible each day, the average response was 32 minutes.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

6 strategies for dealing with stress at work: 

  1. Pray and seek support
  2. Voice your expectations and get agreements
  3. Realize that you can only do your best
  4. Lead by example
  5. Share the load
  6. Look after yourself

http://bit.ly/1jGjPu1

 

Link and Logan Gorveatt may share the same DNA but the twins will have different birthdays after being born 18 days apart. According to ABC News, Logan was born last week after his brother Link was delivered on Sept. 29. The twins made headlines earlier this month for their very unusual delivery. Holli Gorveatt had gone into labor early in September due to the weight of twins on her cervix. Doctors at Evergreen Health Medical Center had no choice but to deliver one twin, Link, at just 23 weeks.

http://abcn.ws/1ZU7une

 

Suicide bombers sent forth by the Taliban aren’t intimidated by the recent U.S. decision to stay in Afghanistan. At the same time, according to Mission Network News, an Afghani Christian isn’t backing down from the terrorists–even if it costs him his life. The bold Afghani believer recently told Forgotten Missionaries International “I consider myself a suicide evangelist.” He added: “What I mean is that I fully expect to give my life for the sake of the Gospel, whether I die 10 months from now, 10 years, [or] 50 years.”

https://www.mnnonline.org/?p=137873

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

It’s usually a good idea to choose your role models from sources outside of the cartoon network.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Do You Play Well with Others?

It’s been more than 25 years since Robert Fulghum shared his basics of life wisdom in his book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. This volume of fifty essays reminded us of the importance of cleaning up after ourselves, to share, and to wash our hands before we eat.

My personal favorites included taking a nap every afternoon, watching out for traffic, and that warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. And among the most important of items: don’t hit people. That’s been very valuable advice.

Apparently, more research on preparing students for modern day employment needs a similar revisit. This comes in a new study by David Deming, associate professor of education and economics at Harvard. His message is clear: workers with the best opportunities ahead need social interaction skills. Like learning not to hit people.

Deming is not the only voice on this issue. A summary of others’ input on this can be found in the article, “Why What You Learned in Preschool is Crucial at Work.”
Well developed skills of cooperation, empathy, and flexbility prove more rewarding these days. As I noted in a blog a few weeks ago, robotics are consuming more and more jobs. But the automated types aren’t particularly good at learning how to play well with others.

It seems economists have been scratching their heads trying to figure out why jobs of high skill are losing ground. Those requiring effective social skills are in more demand. Understanding the human touch and connecting well are the expanding job fields.

According to Deming, preschool classrooms reflect more of the real work world. As noted, “Children move from art projects to science experiments to the playground in small groups, and their most important skills are sharing and negotiating with others. But that soon ends, replaced by lecture-style teaching of hard skills, with less peer interaction.” Jobs requiring both thinking and socializing have a real future.

As a result of various research in this area, the conclusion is that our education system needs to adjust. Thus, teaching styles are moving away from primarily classroom lectures to drawing up situations where students interact more in groups. Some college instructors are choosing to do lectures online leaving classroom time for the social side.

My interest piqued a bit when I read where a Nobel prize winning economist discussed teaching values. It is James Heckman who believes that skills like character, dependability, and perseverance are as important as cognitive achievements. But are schools today teaching these values? Heckman doubts it.

Where are you likely to encounter those three aspects of human development in school? Competitive athletic programs certainly preach persevering and being dependable. But is character a skill?

The word character has multiple definitions. Merriam Webster brings us closest to what I believe Heckman was referencing. It reads, “moral excellence and firmness (i.e., a man of sound character). This readily requires an understanding and commitment to moral principles.

And where do these principles get taught? I question that schools today are moral training grounds. Instead, this should be encouraged and nurtured by parents, grandparents, and high influence people in the lives of students. Moral truth needs a source.

In this discussion, practical suggestions on the job included taking an interest in employees’ lives and helping them individually. Once again…where do you learn to care about other people? And why?

Jesus of Nazareth was a proponent of moral truth and human concern. To commit to the highest level of morality, the greatest commandments were stated this way: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and most important command. 39 And the second command is like the first: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’” (Matthew 22:38-39, NCV)

Need to develop the social skills and character to secure a future job? Learn to love God and other people. Rather basic.

And try not to hit people.

That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

OCTOBER 23, 2015…

 

Bone Tomahawk (opening in select cities)— Kurt Russell is in a western where there are cannibals and weapons made out of bones?  You read that right and remember Halloween isn’t far away.  Someone’s wife is kidnapped and the chase leads into spooky territory. “Bone Tomahawk” is rated R. No rating.

 

Burnt—Bradley Cooper takes on the role of a chef this time, in fact, one who lost his career due to drugs and now wants to get back on top again. He goes to London and gets help from Sienna Miller. Wonder if Miller and Cooper can really cook?  “Burnt” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

*The Bronze does not have an opening date now.

 

Jem and the Holograms—Coming from the 1980’s TV series, Aubrey Peeples stars as a young singer who gets fans through the Internet. With family in tow, she goes to the big city only to meet a life different from her own. Also in the cast are Molly Ringwald and Juliette Lewis. “Jem and the Holograms” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Last Witch Hunter— Vin Diesel comes from the Middle Ages, where he kills an important witch, only to be cursed with not being able to die.  Fast forward, and now he is in New York City, trying to get this curse off him. Also in the cast is Rose Leslie (“Game of Thrones.”) “The Last Witch Hunter” is rated R. No rating.

 

Nasty Baby (opening in select cities)— In this film, Kristen Wiig is one of three people who try three-way parenting.  It is a novel idea, but will it work?  Along comes problems and the scenario turns into a spook fest.   Also in the cast is Tunde Adebimpe. “Nasty Baby” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension— Brit Shaw is here and another installment in the saga of “Paranormal Activity.“  Sigh..yawn.  Guess there will be more film footage discovered, . and close to Halloween, so what do you think?  “Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension” is rated R. No rating.

 

Rock the Kasbah— Bill Murray in Afghanistan trying to get new music talent? Yup, you read that right. The story has Murray as a has-been manager and his only star (Zooey Deschanel) leaves him in Kabul, so he tries to find someone there to take him to the top again. Apparently, there is a version of “American Idol” there, also.  “Rock the Kasbah” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for Bill Murray fans.

 

Suffragette— Meryl Streep sinks her teeth into another role, this time as Emmeline Pankhurst who is trying to get women’s right to vote in England.  Carey Mulligan is middle class and decides to help the cause. This is about 1911. You can imagine the mayhem caused by the idea of women voting.  “Suffragette” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.

 

OCTOBER 30, 2015…

 

Our Brand Is Crisis is a Central American political story starring Sandra Bullock and Billy Bob Thornton.

 

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is a horror film starring Tye Sheridan.

 

# # # # #

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.