October 30, 2015: Friday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151030

 

 

ONAIRprep-SmilingMicWELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Warning! Today’s program is so hot, if you’re listening in your car, it might set fire to the air freshener hanging on your rear view mirror.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“I say, ‘I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile.'” –Job 9:27

 

Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. — Nehemiah 9:5

 

I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship. — Romans 12:1

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

“`If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.” — Mark 9:23

 

Thought: Jesus is the ultimate one “who believes.” All things ARE possible for him. Guess what? He longs to do great things through us, too! In fact, he promised he would do even greater things through us than he did himself because he is now at the Father’s side helping us! (See John 14:12-14.) So isn’t it time that we quit talking about what we can’t do, and start believing in the one who can do great things? Paul put it this way: God can do “more than we can ask or imagine by his power at work in us.” (Ephesians 3:20-21)

 

Prayer: Great Almighty God, Ruler of the nations, Creator of the universe, and Lord of all things, please forgive me. Forgive me for my wimpy and limited prayers. Forgive me for getting involved in petty quarrels over mundane and irrelevant things. Forgive me for my spiritual lack of vision. Please stir me by your Spirit. Please open my eyes so that I can see what you long to do through me. Please empower me to be a powerful witness to our world trapped in darkness. Please give me incredible dreams for your Kingdom, then astound me by doing far more than I ever imagined. In the name of Jesus, and to your glory, I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

John 10:30 NIV = I and the Father are one.”

 

 

TODAY IS FRIDAY – OCTOBER 30, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 56 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Tonight is PRACTICE WINTER SNUGGLING NIGHT. Practice is important in order to make sure you can keep each other warm while not waking each other up. ***MARLAR: You also need to test to see if your toenails are trimmed back enough.

 

Today is NATIONAL CANDY CORN DAY. ***MARLAR: Remember that rant I gave yesterday about those disgusting little pumpkin shaped candies? Same applies here.

 

NATIONAL BUY A DOUGHNUT DAY. ***MARLAR: As if Krispy Kreme doesn’t get enough of our salaries as it is.

 

LOOK IN THE BACK OF YOUR REFRIGERATOR DAY (also called HAUNTED REFRIGERATOR NIGHT). ***MARLAR: It’s probably too late if the guacamole slaps you back.

 

This is HALLOWEEN EVE. ***MARLAR: Which begs the question – do you open your bags of candy on Halloween Eve or Halloween morning?

 

Today is WAR OF THE WORLDS DAY. On this day in 1938 actor Orson Welles stirred a national panic with his radio drama The War of the Worlds. Listeners believed the “simulated” news bulletins in the drama were real and that New Jersey actually was being invaded by men from Mars. ***MARLAR: Nobody would fall for this today though – not even aliens would want to visit New Jersey. (Click here for a 2min Clip from the original 1938 broadcast.)

 

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Checklist Day

Create a Great Funeral Day

Devil’s Night / Mischief Night

Frankenstein Friday

Haunted Refrigerator Night

International Bandanna Day

National Breadsticks Day

National Candy Corn Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 31

Beggars’ Night

Books For Treats Day

Day of the Seven Billion

Girl Scout Founder’s Day

Halloween (All Hallows Eve)

National Caramel Apple Day

National Forgiveness Day

National Knock-Knock Jokes Day

National Magic Day

Samhain

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 01

All Saints Day

Hockey Mask Day

Day of the Dead (Dia de Los Muertos)

Extra Mile Day

Give Up Your Shoulds Day

National Authors Day

National Family Caregiver Day

National Family Literacy Day

National Go Cook For Your Pets Day

Prime Meridian Day

Day Saving Time Ends (Turn Clocks Back One Hour)

World Vegan Day

 

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 02

All Souls Day

Cookie Monster Day

Fill Our Staplers Day

Job Action Day

Plan Your Epitaph Day

 

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 03

Cliché Day

Election Day

Sandwich Day

SOS Day

Traffic Directors Day

 

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 04

National Chicken Lady Day

National Candy Day

Use Your Common Sense Day

 

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 05

National Love Your Red Hair Day

National Men Make Dinner Day (No BBQ allowed!)

 

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 06

National Nachos Day

Saxophone Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1938: Actor Orson Welles stirred a national panic with his radio drama The War of the Worlds. Listeners believed the “simulated” news bulletins in the drama were real and that New Jersey actually was being invaded by men from Mars. (Click here for a 2min clip from the original broadcast. Click here for the full 57min original broadcast.)

 

1945: The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing. ***MARLAR: Thus began the era of shoe rationalization. “But I neeeeed 45 pairs of black flats…”

 

1984: Ghoul Freddy Krueger slashed his way across the movie screen in the first Nightmare on Elm Street. ***MARLAR: If ANYONE ever needed a manicure…

 

1994: A bandit armed with an axe, a crossbow, a smoke grenade, and a stun gun robbed Osaka, Japan, bank couriers of $1.1-million. He was so loaded down with weapons and money though, he tripped and was captured by a passing citizen. ***MARLAR: Way to go, Rambo.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1536: Thirteen years after Lutheran ministers came to bring spiritual renewal to its people, Denmark adopted Lutheranism as its official state religion.

 

1738: English founder of Methodism John Wesley explained in a letter: ‘By a “Christian,” I mean one who so believes in Christ as that sin hath no more dominion over him.’

 

1768: The Wesley Chapel on John Street in New York City was dedicated. It was the first Methodist church building to be erected in the American colonies, and was restored in 1817, and again in 1840.

 

1902: Pope Leo XIII published the apostolic letter “Vigilantiae,” which officially established the Pontifical Commission of Biblical Studies. Created to safeguard the authority of Scripture from outside secular criticism, in 1904 the Commission was empowered to confer academic degrees.

 

1976: Dr. Joseph H. Evans was elected president of the United Church of Christ. It made him the first African-American leader of this predominantly white denomination.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Are We There Yet, Big Momma’s House, Off. Sasha Monroe on “Third Watch”, Andrea Solomon on “Judging Amy”, Lisa Wilkes on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”) Nia Long 45 (
    )
  • actor (Cupid in The Santa Clause 2 & 3, The Wedding Planner, The Whole Nine Yards, Grumpy Old Men) Kevin Pollak 57
  • actor (Aaron Echolls on “Veronica Mars”, Michael Kuzak on “LA Law”, Perseus in Clash of the Titans) Harry Hamlin is 64
  • actor (“Royal Pains”, “Arrested Development”, The Fonz on “Happy Days”) Henry Winkler 70 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1939 : Grace Slick (Jefferson Airplane)

1946 : Chris Slade (Uriah Heep, AC/DC, Manfred Mann)

1947 : Timothy B. Schmidt (Eagles)

1960 : Joey BellaDonna (Anthrax)

1967 : Gavin Rossdale (Bush)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How faithful is Old Faithful, really?

The most famous geyser in Yellowstone National Park is Old Faithful. Contrary to its name, Old Faithful is not all that punctual. Instead of erupting every 60 minutes some 24 times each day, it actually erupts between 18 and 21 times each day.  The interval between the eruptions has been increasing over the past 25 years. It is suspected that the interval has been lengthening due to earthquake activity and human vandalism. Today it erupts every 34 to 106 minutes.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Casting Crown’s Megan Garrett was, her words, “Getting my hair did”. Megan said it was taking a lot of product to get her hair looking just right. She shared: So far she’s used a billion foils (est), 2 gallons of bleach, 3 tubs of color (for the greys), and 2 plastic caps.

 

Audio Adrenaline’s Adam Agee was looking for the good in something he really didn’t enjoy doing. Adam tweeted: Beautiful day for a run. Still hate running, but it was the least miserable it could have been.

 

Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey says today was one of his favorite days. That’s because his wife drove 8 hours to surprise him on tour. Mike tweeted: Love this girl forever.

 

More than huge crowd showed up for a Finding Favour homecoming over the weekend. The members of the band tweeted: So humbled that 2,000 people would show up to our hometown show! Loved Loved Loved every second of it.

 

The combination of high altitude in Colorado and low blood pressure due to her pregnancy had Francesca Battistelli feeling very weak over the weekend. She posted that she would be at her concert but would be forced to sit for most of the show.

 

The Afters are currently on their Time of My Life tour but it wasn’t quite living up to its name over the weekend. Josh Havens says the band was dealing with a broke down bus over the weekend.

https://instagram.com/p/9NZovjiLQ-/

 

Citizenway guitarist Josh Calhoun is getting to try something a little different during their tour with Big Daddy Weave. Josh tweeted: I get to play a bit of drums on this tour.

 

The Newsboys were giving back over the weekend. They presented a check for $5,000 to the Harvest Hope Food Bank to help with Flood Relief. Members of the band tweeted: So honored to give back to the South Carolina community!

 

An embarrassing moment for Ellie Holcomb. She tweeted: That moment when you walk into the bathroom at the Nashville airport and think they remodeled…only to realize it’s the men’s room!

 

Comedian Bob Smiley recently found a notepad of jokes he used when he first started. Bob said: 1st one: “He had a Life Savor haircut. Had a big hole in the middle.” Hope I’ve gotten better.

 

 

ODD & WEIRD NEWS…

Already home to a ski hill, Emirates may get a snow park
ABU DHABI, United Arab Emirates (AP) — Already home to a ski hill inside a mall, the sunbaked deserts of the United Arab Emirates soon may be home to a snow park too. Officials with Abu Dhabi’s Reem Mall, scheduled to open in 2018, say they plan to build a 125,000-square-foot…

 

Oregon man arrested, accused of stealing woman’s underwear
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — Officials say a Portland man has been arrested for breaking into a neighbor’s home and stealing women’s underwear. HASH(0xc2b8a0) Police say they found the man’s jacket on the roof with two pairs of women’s underwear, maxi pads and a large bowie knife in the pockets….
Witch wins protective order against warlock in Salem court    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A judge granted a protective order against a warlock on Wednesday, spelling relief for the Salem witch who accused him of harassment. The two squared off in court before a Salem District Court judge, who granted the protective order to witch priestess Lori Sforza. She had…
Oh, deer: Vermont hotel to serve $75 road kill-inspired menu
BURLINGTON, Vt. (AP) — A fish and wild game supper is featuring some Vermont road kill on the menu. HASH(0xc2d350) Residents say it’s a quirky and interesting idea. The supper will cost $75 and will be prepared by chef Doug Paine. Also on the menu will be deer, bear, moose and muskrat. Paine…
Creepy Halloween doll in carpool lane doesn’t fool officer    photo
TACOMA, Wash. (AP) — Washington state troopers have seen drivers use all kinds of tricks to get access to carpool lanes. During Tuesday’s morning commute, a trooper pulled over a man who tried to use a creepy Halloween doll to gain access to the carpool lane of Interstate 5 in Tacoma. The…
Dead chipmunks portray Michigan State’s miracle football win    photo
LANSING, Mich. (AP) — Touchdown! Chipmunks? A Lansing taxidermist is honoring Michigan State’s stunning football victory over Michigan with dead, stuffed chipmunks portraying players on the final play. Jalen Watts-Jackson returned a fumble for a touchdown on Oct. 17. Nick Saade (SAAH’-day)…
In scramble for political finance, Bolivians turn to coca
LA PAZ, Bolivia (AP) — While U.S. politicians are scrambling for ways to pay for campaigns, few are likely to adopt the latest Bolivian tactic. Backers of President Evo Morales say they’re bolstering their finances with donations of potatoes and coca, the crop that’s a traditional stimulant…
Officer dressed as homeless man catches drivers using phones
BETHESDA, Md. (AP) — A Maryland police officer went undercover dressed as a homeless man to catch people who were using their phones while driving. Cpl. Patrick Robinson went undercover Tuesday morning equipped with a police radio and a body camera. He held a sign that read, “I am not…
Army blimp breaks loose, drifts for hours over Pennsylvania    photo
MUNCY, Pa. (AP) — A slow-moving, unmanned Army surveillance blimp floated over Pennsylvania for hours causing electrical outages as its tether hit power lines, after it broke loose from its mooring at a Maryland military facility. The 240-foot helium-filled blimp, which had two fighter jets…
From kung fu to California cops: Nunchucks make comeback
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Sgt. Casey Day was skeptical. The chief of his rural Northern California police department wanted him to find out if an ancient martial arts weapon made famous in 1970s Bruce Lee movies could be used to subdue unruly suspects. But it only took a few days of training with…
Tow company charges man $48K to pull his Jeep out of mud pit
WALPOLE, Mass. (AP) — A Massachusetts man whose Jeep got stuck in a mud pit while off-roading with his girlfriend says a towing company is charging him $48,000. Joel Ramer says the Jeep landed in a mud pit last week in Walpole, near Boston. It took 12 hours for police and Assured Collision to…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

Police, state investigate cryotherapy death at Vegas spa    photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Las Vegas police said they have reopened an investigation into the death of a spa worker who was found dead in a cryotherapy chamber. In addition, the state and the family of 24-year-old Chelsea Patricia Ake-Salvacion, the woman who died, announced their own investigations…

 

NY agency to protect the disabled rarely brings charges    photo
SCHENECTADY, N.Y. (AP) — In a video he made with his PlayStation, a 12-year-old developmentally disabled boy in a group home points to his swollen right eye and says, “Mom, this is what it looks like. … He slammed me.” His camera keeps rolling as his adult caretakers enter his room, where…
NY to require training for doctors who OK pot for patients
ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — New York state will require physicians to complete an educational course before they can authorize medical marijuana for patients — an unusual mandate not applied to other new drugs or seen in other states with medical marijuana programs. State officials say the…
Prosthetic eye maker brings relief to wounded Gazans    photo
GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip (AP) — Imad Abu Wadi barely slept after losing his right eye during the summer 2014 war between Israel and Hamas in the Gaza Strip. The 26-year-old, then engaged, was waiting eagerly for his wedding. But with a red, hollow eyeless socket, he imprisoned himself at home….
Sanofi recalls all injectors used for allergic reactions    photo
BRIDGEWATER, N.J. (AP) — Sanofi is recalling hundreds of thousands of epinephrine injectors used to treat severe allergic reactions because they may not deliver the correct amount of the life-saving drug. The recall includes all Auvi-Q injections currently on the U.S. market, or roughly…
Family stunts disabled daughter’s growth to expand her world    photo
BALI, Indonesia (AP) — Whether Charley Hooper has any concept of the space she occupies in the world is an enigma. She is so disabled that her mother considers her “unabled.” At 10, her brain is believed to function at the level of a newborn’s. She cannot speak, cannot walk, cannot see…
UN agency links hot dogs and other processed meat to cancer    photo
PARIS (AP) — Bacon, hot dogs and cold cuts are under fire: The World Health Organization threw its global weight behind years of experts’ warnings and declared Monday that processed meats raise the risk of colon and stomach cancer and that red meat is probably harmful, too. Meat producers are…
A look at other common cancer-causing substances
PARIS (AP) — Hotdogs, bologna and other processed meats now rank alongside tobacco, alcohol and around 100 more substances on the International Agency for Research on Cancer’s list of Group 1 carcinogens. In 2012, 14.1 million new cancer cases were diagnosed and 8.2 million cancer deaths were…
WHO removes Nigeria from list of polio-endemic countries
LAGOS, Nigeria (AP) — The U.N. World Health Organization is formally removing Nigeria from the list of polio-endemic countries, meaning the entire African continent is free of the crippling disease. A WHO statement said Monday’s move comes after Nigeria reported no new cases for 15 months…
Police, state investigate cryotherapy death at Vegas spa    photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Las Vegas police said Wednesday they have reopened an investigation into the death of a spa worker who was found dead in a cryotherapy chamber. In addition, the state and the family of 24-year-old Chelsea Patricia Ake-Salvacion, the woman who died, announced their own…
Another challenge to health overhaul heads to Supreme Court    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Opponents of President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul are taking yet another challenge to the law to the Supreme Court, and say they will be back with more if this one fails. A new appeal being filed Monday by the Pacific Legal Foundation contends the law violates the…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A Halloween-themed poll finds about a third of those surveyed believe in ghosts.  *** But then, that’s about the same number of people who believe Donald Trump would make a great President, so I don’t know that it’s a reliable sample.

 

Pop-Tarts will soon taste like bacon. Kellogg’s has announced the debut of five crazy new flavors: Chocolatey Caramel, Maple Bacon, Watermelon, Frosted Spring Strawberry and Pink Lemonade. They’ll roll into grocery stores gradually over the next six months, starting in mid-December.  ***Really, once you “pumpkin spice” something, there’s no stopping you from going completely nutzoid.

 

Simon Cowell co-created America’s Got Talent, but he never brought his caustic brand of British criticism there. That changes next season when Cowell joins the NBC show as a judge, replacing Howard Stern.  *** I believe this is what is called in football as a “Hail Mary Pass”.

 

A man in China was watching a friend’s Doberman — then lost it. The guy was so frantic after losing the friend’s pet that he apparently offered a new apartment to anyone who locates it. The small apartment is worth around $300,000 and the person who brings the dog back gets it.  *** As crowded as China is, it might be worth showing up in a dog costume just to see if he goes for it.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Dressing up your dog or hamster in a costume this week? A few decades ago you would have been considered a batty pet owner. Not anymore. Sales of pet costumes have soared in recent years.  ***MARLAR: So we have animals dressing as humans – and humans dressing as animals.  Isn’t this one of the signs of Jesus returning soon?

 

A new study indicates obese mothers tend to have kids who become obese.  ***MARLAR: Apologies in advance to Honey Boo Boo Child.

 

Scientists from Australia and the Netherlands claim they’ve invented a diet that cuts heart disease by 78 percent and adds 4.8 years to a woman’s life and 6 years to a man’s. You have to eat four servings of fish a week, plus daily servings of 400 grams of fruit and vegetables, 68 grams of almonds, 2.7 grams of garlic, 150 milliliters of red wine and 100 grams (3.5 ounces) of dark chocolate.  ***MARLAR: I took a look at this earlier, and I think I’ve figured out how to make it work.  With MY version of the same plan, you have four Fillet-O-Fish sandwiches a week, a large order of fries and two Orange Julius’ each day, along with an order of garlic bread and chocolate covered almonds for desert – and you wash it all down with a glass of grapefruit juice.

 

It’s computer dating — for real animals.  Now, zoo keepers can go online to find a mate for their beasts. The database is called ZIMS, for Zoological Information Management Systems. The zoo in Columbia, South Carolina, is one of those testing the software. And like match-making sites for humans, ZIMS has information on personality traits of their suitors. ***MARLAR: “Hi, I’m Trixie – and I’m a total fox.  I live in the Brookfield Zoo and I am SO tired of dating wolves who want to put their paws all over me…”

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Hungry Clock”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Tim Hawkins, “Cosco”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, everybody was so caught up in their own talents, voices, and instrument playing that nobody was making beautiful music together… because nobody was together at all! In fact, even all of the band members wanted to do their own solos! Everyone wanted their own spotlight.

 

CLOSE: Okay, I think we’ve gone just about as far with this solo-thing as we can go. If individual piano keys and individual guitar strings won’t play together, what’s left? Find out next time – As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 31/NOVEMBER 01

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson’s little sister Katie was pretty unfeeling towards Marvy and his having a cold. In fact, she showed no compassion at all. And just about that time, the snow outside began melting really fast – and it flooded the backyard, then into the house, and now she’s been swept onto the high seas!

 

CLOSE: Sounds like Candyland is going to be a really fun – and tasty place to visit! But what does all of this have to do with compassion? We’ll find out next time as our story continues, on As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

If you ever worry that you’re becoming forgetful, try and remember this German man and you won’t feel so bad about yourself.

The unnamed man pulled into a gas station and filled up his car. He then paid the cashier and left. No, he didn’t get in his car and drive away, he walked home. After an hour, the attendant notified police, who contacted the man, who then went back to retrieve his car.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP 10 THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

 

  1. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes.

 

  1. The difference between cream, ivory and off-white.

 

  1. Crying can be fun.

 

  1. FAT CLOTHES

 

  1. A salad, diet drink and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.

 

  1. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.

 

  1. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

 

  1. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.

 

  1. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

 

  1. OTHER WOMEN!

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

 

A robber picks a very unusual disguise to rob a mini-mart!

 

FILE #1: James Hardt, can’t win when it comes to robbing mini-marts, and he probably wouldn’t win a costume contest either. James planned to hold up the local mini-mart where he was a regular customer, so he would need a good disguise. Did he don a Halloween mask? No. Put some panty hose over his head? Nope. Put on a ski mask? Nah. For reasons known only to James, he picked shaving cream as his disguise. With his face slathered in Foamy he walked in and demanded money. Of course, the store manager immediately recognized him and James made a hasty exit only to be apprehended by the cops a short time later.

 

FILE #2: Four men robbed a Chinese food delivery driver, striking him over the head with a package of prawn crackers and getting away with a large order of Chinese take out. Police were called and upon arrival they found the trail was still warm. Hot in fact. It seems one of the bags of food had sprung a leak, leaving a trail of curry sauce that led directly to our culprits’ flat nearby. They were arrested before they had a chance to enjoy their fortune cookies.

 

FILE #3: It’s not known if Jeffrey Williams bark is worse then his bite, considering his bark got him arrested. The 25-year-old man from Erie, Pennsylvania was recently convicted for “barking at dogs” who were in a parked car Williams spotted the dogs sitting in the car and decided to start barking at them. He soon worked the dogs into a frenzy, despite being told to stop. Oh yeah, these just weren’t any dogs in any car. They were police dogs sitting in a parked police cruiser. He kept barking at them even though patrolman Lester Fetterman told him to stop. Williams was convicted of harassing police dogs and was sentenced to 90 days probation.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A Colorado couple found an unusual topping on their order of tacos: a small bag of marijuana.

They discovered the drugs with their order from a Del Taco restaurant and called police, said Lakewood police spokesman Steve Davis. Twenty-six-year-old Dennis Klermund, who police say waited on the husband when he picked up food Oct. 16, faces charges of possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Klermund initially denied any knowledge but admitted the bag was meant for a friend after a search dog found more marijuana in a locker, police said. Klermund no longer works at the restaurant, said manager Ulises Montero. A message left for Klermund was not returned.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

A recent survey conducted by NDS, a DVR manufacturer, has shown that digital video recorders (DVR’s) are becoming a significant part of U.S. households, being cited just behind mobile phones as the most essential, can’t-live-without household technology item. Only microwaves and washing machines beat it out in the non-technological category. PHONER: What is your can’t-live-without household technology item?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What boy had a coat made for him each year by his mother?
ANSWER: Samuel (1 Samuel 2:18,19 = “But Samuel was ministering before the Lord – a boy wearing a linen ephod. Each year his mother made him a little robe and took it to him when she went up with her husband to offer the annual sacrifice.”)

NOTE: A linen ephod is a close-fitting, sleeveless, apron-like garment worn almost exclusively by the priest when officiating before the altar.

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: According to eCandy.com, 90 percent of parents admit to sneaking goodies from their kids’ Halloween bags. Parents favorite treats to sneak are snack-size chocolate bars (70 percent), candy-coated chocolate pieces (40 percent), caramels (37 percent) and gum (26 percent). What’s the LEAST favorite?

ANSWER: Licorice. Only 18% of parents admitted they liked it.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. On the cartoon show ‘The Jetsons,’ Jane the mom is 33 years old and her daughter Judy is 15. (TRUE: that means that the mom had her first child at age 18!)

 

  1. A moment is an actual unit of time. (TRUE: it’s defined as lasting exactly 1 1/2 minutes)

 

  1. The worst time to reach the IRS is on a Monday. (TRUE: around 1pm on Monday is the absolute worst time to try to get hold of them)

 

  1. When a person sneezes, their heart stops for one and a half seconds (FALSE)

 

  1. Drinking from a water hose can eventually cause brain damage (FALSE)

 

  1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. (TRUE)

 

  1. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. (TRUE)

 

  1. There are 157 ways to make change for a dollar. (FALSE: there are 293 ways!)

 

  1. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing. (TRUE)

 

  1. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. (TRUE)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“_____ Runs 40-mile Marathon!”  (CHILD/TODDLER)


Believe it or not, under the watchful eye of his coach, 4-year-old Budhia Singh of India, ran a 40-mile marathon in about seven hours. Doctors severely criticized the coach for setting the boy up for cartilage damage and other ailments but his parents seem to think it’s cool!

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily, “Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!”

“Oh, how nice!” exclaimed the mother enthusiastically.

“And then what did she do?”

“Then she gave it to the policeman.” the boy said.

 

JOKE #2

A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking at him.

“I believe it’s your radiator,” said the cow.

The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door.

“A cow just gave me advice about my car!” he shouted, waving his arms franticly back toward the field.

The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the door frame to glance down the field. “The cow with two big black spots on it?” the farmer asked slowly.

“Yes! Yes! That’s the one!” the excited man replied.

“Oh. Well, that’s Ethel,” the farmer said, turning back to the man. “Don’t pay any attention to her. She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

 

JOKE #3

A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend’s car is total wreck and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, “What’s happened to your car?”

“Well,” the friend responses, “I ran into a lawyer”.

“OK,” says the man, “that explains the blood.. But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?”

“Well, I had to chase him all through the park.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Grizzly Bears and Polar Bears can mate. Their offspring are referred to as “Pizzlies” and “Grolar Bears.”  ***MARLAR: And they are usually shunned by both Grizzlies and Polar Bears because bears are racist.

 

Three mice infected with the deadly bubonic plague are missing from a New Jersey bio-defense research lab.  ***MARLAR: Bio-terrorism experts are asking all pied-pipers to report to New Jersey for instructions.

 

Sad shoppers will pay up to 300% more than consumers who are content, Psychological Science reveals.  ***MARLAR: So to increase sales at the “happiest place on earth,” Mickey Mouse will immediately begin wearing black and will carry a sickle.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

MY DAD IS FASTER THAN YOURS

Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, “My dad’s way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitcher’s mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate!”
One of the other boys said, “Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the arrow hits the bulls-eye!”
The last boy said, “Your dads don’t even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A GUN IN YOUR GARAGE

Car dealers will do just about anything to get you to buy a car from them… but offering free shotguns is certainly a new one!
A car dealer in Knoxville, Tennessee, is giving away a controversial gift when you buy a car. Greg “Lumpy” Lambert is giving away free vouchers for customers to buy a gun and a free water pistol for every child during his special offer. Naturally, the “Second Amendment” gun sale has it’s share of critics, but Greg argues that East Tennessee “is a sportsman’s paradise” and that the guns — 8 mm deer rifles — are intended for hunters. He also notes that people not qualified to own guns, will not get the voucher. Meanwhile, gun control advocate Naomi Paiss blasts Advantage Auto sales gun promotion saying, “If it is possible to further lower the image of used car salesmen this guy has done it!”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Well, tomorrow is Halloween. Halloween is one of those days that has changed so much over the centuries that it’s hard to know exactly when and why it began in the first place.  I’m sure that no church father from centuries past would recognize All Hallow’s Eve if he saw it today.  I’ve always understood that the day itself, All Hallows Day (November 1st) is a Christian holiday – as it’s just another name for All Saints Day.  So why would the night before All Saints Day be so terrifying and evil?  I don’t think it is… but the beliefs and practices from others have been brought into it, and that’s where the problem is.  I see nothing wrong with dressing in a costume and having a party… but some areas of Halloween, like trick-or-treating, jack-o-lanterns, etc., do have their roots in the Druids.  But I think there’s a more important question here.  Personally, I think trick-or-treating and jack-o-lanterns are fun.  All of the original meaning is gone, and nobody goes house to house gathering food for the dead… that just doesn’t happen anymore.  I think, rather than spending all of our time bashing a single day, we need to look inside.  Just as Halloween has hardly any resemblance to its original form, we can do that to our own Christian walk as well.  Paul warned us against turning our freedom in Christ into a license to sin.  You, my brothers, were called to be set free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature.  Christ died to set us free… but if we let that freedom twist into something else, we also distort God’s original design and become unrecognizable as His creation.  Now THAT is scary.  Whether you can recognize the origins of Halloween isn’t near as important as whether others can recognize the origins of Christ in you.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

I’ve always felt a little sorry for Linus from the Peanuts comic strip.  His belief in the Great Pumpkin was unshakeable.  Every Halloween, while other boys and girls wee out gathering huge sacks of candy, he was sitting amount the pumpkins – waiting for gifts from a being that would never come because it didn’t exist.  This time of year people “believe” in lots of things that will never appear.  Flying witches, vampires, walking mummies – they’re all part of the commercialism that surrounds Halloween.  There is a danger though in rejecting the symbols of Halloween, one might also be tempted to reject the reality of the devil as well.  Satan, a pathological liar, perpetrator of evil, and avowed enemy of God IS REAL.  And so are his demons.  According to the Bible, they are nothing to fool with, and they can do great spiritual harm to the unsuspecting person.  But Jesus overcame Satan when He died on the cross.  When we take our stand against him in the name of Jesus Christ, Satan runs away.  Great Pumpkin?  No such thing.  Ghouls and ghosts?  No way.  Satan and demons?  Absolutely.  But in Christ we have One who in all ways is greater and more powerful than the devil and his cohorts.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

SWEET CARPET

Bring together carpet and candy and you could have something that sells for millions of dollars!

Candy is pretty expensive nowadays… but can you imagine paying $2,000 per pound?!? A “carpet” made from 325 pounds of blue cellophane-wrapped candy sold for $666,000 at a Christie’s auction. It was actually a conceptual piece of art, created by Felix Gonzalez-Torres. It was purchased by an anonymous bidder which got the candy-carpet at a pretty good price, considering it was estimated to go for as much as $8.5 million. ***MARLAR: So if you intentionally place candy in the carpet it’s called art, but if you drop candy in the carpet accidentally you get yelled at by your wife.  Figures.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

HALLOWEEN: IT’S ALL ABOUT THE CANDY!
When it comes to candy, Halloween smokes Easter, Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day. According to the National Confectioners Association, more sweets are sold in the weeks leading up to the Halloween than any other time of year. In 2005, Americans polished off $2.1 billion in Halloween candy! The top five Halloween candies based on 2005 sales, according to the National Confectioners Association:

  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
  • Snickers
  • Hershey’s
  • M&M’s
  • Kit Kat

 

 

GRANDPA LOVED CANDY, TOO
About 65 percent of American candy brands have been around for more than 50 years. The oldest Halloween treat is candy corn, which has been filling trick-or-treat bags since the 1880s. Here are some “golden oldies” still making kids smile:

  • Tootsie Rolls, 1896
  • Hershey Bars, 1900
  • Milky Way Bar, 1923
  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, 1928
  • Snickers, 1930
  • Starburst Fruit Chews, 1960
  • Skittles, 1981

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

ICE CREAM LEGALITIES

A nine-year-old takes on the legal system and wins just so he can have some ice cream!

If you want something bad enough, you need to work for it. Isn’t that what our parents always told us? Well that’s exactly what nine-year-old Josh Lipshaw decided to do. He was upset that it was against the law for ice-cream vans to come through his neighborhood, so he decided to do a little legal work to remedy the problem. And now, ice cream vans will take to the roads of a Detroit suburb for the first time in 50 years thanks to a nine-year-old boy. Josh collected 165 names for a petition and wrote a letter to the township’s officials urging them to overturn the ban. The rule has now been scrapped. The Board of Trustees voted unanimously to repeal the Michigan township’s ban on “frozen confection vendors” after hearing from Josh. At an earlier meeting, Josh told them: “This is an old law, so I think you should look at it again. I bet many of you enjoyed ice cream trucks when you were kids.” And after their decision to allow vans again, he drew applause from 20 children in the audience when he said: “I want to thank the township board for listening to a nine-year-old and his friends. You took us seriously and not everybody would do that.” ***MARLAR: I know the feeling, Josh. I’m 40 years old and people won’t listen to me either!

 

 

FUN LIST

GOOD NEWS & BAD NEWS FOR THE PASTOR

 

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News:  You lost two of them in the swift current.

 

Good News: The Women’s Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News:  The vote passed by 31-30.

 

Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News:  They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

 

Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News:  The choir mutinied.

 

Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News:  Mrs. Jones is also wild about the “Gong Show”, “Beavis and Butthead” and “Texas Chain Saw Massacre.”

 

Good News: Your women’s softball team finally won a game.
Bad News:  They beat your men’s softball team.

 

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News:  They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.

 

Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last 3 weeks.
Bad News:  You were on vacation.

 

Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News:  They are stalling until the next war.

 

Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News:  He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.

 

Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit.
Bad News:  It’s in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to “decorate” your house.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

RAINING PROPOSALS

Looking for a unique way to propose to the woman you love?  One unique way is to propose to thousands of women all at the same time!


A man in Turkey managed to propose to thousands of women at once! Women in Anakara, Turkey were showered with wedding proposals when a lonely soldier dropped 100,000 leaflets proposing marriage. Unfortunately for the single women, the proposals were meant for only one special woman. The serviceman had met the unidentified young lady in an Internet chat room and was looking for a unique way to propose to her. The airborne proposals, which read: “Will you lighten my darkness? Tell me you will marry me”, were accompanied by 5,000 roses and bags of confetti. It is not known whether she said “yes” or “no”, but the prospective groom’s bank account is now around $15,000 lighter after paying for his unconventional proposal.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Open source has forever changed the way we create and do business in the Information Age. Now, it’s also changing the world of Bible translation. According to Mission Network News, This month, Wycliffe Associate’s team finished the “Unlocked Literal Bible” — an open-licensed version of the Bible. They say Putting God’s Word out on the public domain under Creative Commons licensing overcomes a lot of the “behind the scenes” copyright and royalty fee challenges.  ***Which makes sense – I mean, does anyone else find it odd that the Bible could command a copyright or royalty fees?

https://www.mnnonline.org/news/bible-translation-technique-meets-open-source-culture/

 

An Elderly nurse survived a terrorist attack by screaming the name of Jesus. According to Charisma News, When Palestinian terrorists hijacked the bus the nurse was on, she knew only the name of Jesus would save her. She says “The man in front of me began with a knife stabbing into me.” I cried constantly in Dutch: ‘Lord Jesus, Lord Jesus! Help me, help me.” When she did this, she said her attacker “ran away to the back of the bus.” The 78-year-old Dutch nurse is now in stable condition in an Israeli hospital as she recovers from multiple stab wounds, including a punctured lung.

http://bit.ly/1M249yj

 

Weddings should be a celebration. But for girls in India, it’s nearly a death sentence. According to Mission Network News, the girls are beaten and abused. The most devastating act of abuse is known as bride burning, or dowry death. If grooms or in-laws are not satisfied with the dowry paid for the bride, they set an example by setting her on fire. Every day, there are an estimated 22 cases. Meanwhile, Mission India partners are stepping in to restore hope, give love, and share the good news of Christ with many such women through programs like Adult Literacy Courses. Another organization, Church Planters, is teaching families in India that both men and women are created in God’s image and are deeply loved by Him.

https://www.mnnonline.org/?p=138102

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

You only go around once in life. Unless, of course, you’re one of those folks who likes to hang from your ceiling fan.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Security Checkup

(*I’m traveling this week, so this blog’s topic may look slightly familiar.)
In recent days, we’ve learned of another invasion of privacy with the hacking of two well known persons’ email accounts. Regrettably, these two people have a lot to do with our nation’s security! I’m speaking of the personal accounts of CIA Director John Brennan and Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson.
The New York Post revealed it was a teenager who was the cultprit. And what did he get? How about access to documents such as Social Security numbers for more than 12 US intelligence officials. This came from Brennan’s account. The hacker claims his tapping into Brennan’s AOL information contained the CIA director’s own application for top security clearance — a trove of nearly 50 pages of who knows what. Well, now the hacker does.
There appears to be a pro-Palestinian motivation behind the hacker. He claims to be non-Muslim but disapproved of US policy. He threatened more action if his views of needed change aren’t met. Even government is becoming a hacker’s paradise.
But it’s everywhere. It’s been reported that the “real problem is that so many breaches occur in the first place. Credit and debit card fraud has nearly quadrupled in past decade.” Staying a step ahead of thieves is hard work.
Security breaches in our modern age put our finances, medical history, and loads of personal information up for grabs. A news story several months back in the New York Times offered an eerie glimpse into new ways of enhancing personal security. A bank in Britain now provides voice analyzation for added security to high net worth individuals. In Japan, some ATMs scan vein patterns in a person’s palm before money is released. Fingerprint sensors on computers and smartphones are becoming more common.
As we know, pets are now commonly sold and adopted with microchips to reveal their identity in the event they are lost or stolen. Radio Frequency identification tags (RFID) are being encouraged in various parts of the globe for humans. Proponents say these devices embedded under people’s skin could help curb identity theft, improve medical care, and even help identify disaster victims.
It would seem obvious to most of us that more people are willing to sacrifice personal privacy for this sense of personal security. Cameras, for example, are everywhere. We are monitored at every turn.
So what is a person to do? Tough decisions may be ahead. How far will people go to give themselves these earthly personal protections?
Many also believe that all of this activity is connected to events leading to what are called “the end times.” One of the most difficult instructions Jesus gave his followers had to do with reading the signs of the times. Note these words of his … “But in those days, after that tribulation, the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will be falling from heaven, and the powers in the heavens will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Man coming in clouds with great power and glory.” (Mark 13:24-26) So … are you ready?
Oddly, it seems the vast majority of people on our planet are more concerned with personal security than eternal security. We’re more worried about a credit or email account breach than a spiritual breach in our own lives. The kind that could rob us of eternal reward.
I suggest you take the best precaution possible regarding your greatest asset: YOU! Protect yourself with a “living trust.” Make a day by day decision to abide in Him. Put your faith in Jesus.
There is no more sound investment strategy. And it never needs an upgrade.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

OCTOBER 30, 2015…

 

Our Brand Is Crisis—In a role originally written for a man, Sandra Bullock takes on politics in Bolivia. She is hired to be a campaign manager for a Bolivian presidential candidate. Shades of “whatever works.”  Her aides are Anthony Mackie and Ann Dowd. What kind of strategy can she come up with?  Also in the cast  Joaquin de Almeida and  Billy Bob Thornton as her rival.. Based on a true situation.  “Our Brand Is Crisis” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the cast.

 

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse—Yup, almost Halloween and here comes another horror film. In years to come, will these young stars name this on a resume?  Just saying…Instead of a party, the three stars battle zombies.  Cast includes Tye Sheridan, Patrick Schwarzenegger (you read that right) and Logan Miller. “Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse” is rated R. No rating.

 

NOVEMBER 06, 2015…

 

Brooklyn with Saoirse Ronan as an Irish immigrant to New York in the 1950’s.

 

The Peanuts Movie in 3 D animation with your favorite characters. Enjoy.

 

Spectra and James Bond with Daniel Craig starring. What more need be said?

 

Spotlight stars Michael Keaton in a film of the Boston Globe coverage of the catholic church sex scandal.

 

Trumbo has Bryan Cranston playing screenwriter Dalton Trumbo.

 

Miss You Already has Toni Collette battling cancer.

 

# # # # #

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.