PLEASE EXCUSE MY SON FROM SCHOOL… has compiled a list of written school excuse notes parents have written for their kids at one time or another.

• “My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.”

• “Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot.”

• “Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.”

• “Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.”

• “Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.”

• “John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.”

• “Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.”

• “Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.”

• “Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.”

• “Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.”

• “Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.”

• “Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.”

• “Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.”

• “Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.”

• “Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.”

• “My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.”

• “Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.”

• “Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.”

• “Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.”

• “Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.”

• “Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.”

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