September 02, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

***RADIO ISN’T DEAD – From RadioIsntDead.com

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150902

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I’m glad you could join me. A little later we’ll give you the opportunity to mail in a $20 bill — and receive a beautiful hand-written “Thank You” note.

 

It’s (WEDNESDAY) – stop twerking, start working!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor.” –Proverbs 29:23

 

[Jesus said] “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” –John 13:34

 

Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care. — Psalm 95:6-7

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? — Matthew 6:25

 

Thought: Worries are many and they all seem to crowd in around bill time, don’t they. Jesus reminded us that life is more than food or clothes. The real question is whether we can live like life is more than food and clothing. We get deceived so easily, like Esau who sold his birthright for a bowl of soup. Let’s not sell out what is precious for the allure of what will most likely end in difficulty and entanglements or at the very least doesn’t have eternal value.

 

Prayer: Generous Father, banish fear and selfishness from my heart. I know you have already provided the most incredible gift of all time. Please help me pursue you and your will and not the things that choke out your presence in my life. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Psalm 9:2 NIV = I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 118 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is ANOTHER LOOK UNLIMITED DAY.  Survey your possessions and give surplus items to charity.  You can take your stuff to places like the Salvation Army or other thrift stores and help those less fortunate than you!

 

Today is NATIONAL BLUEBERRY POPSICLE DAY. ***MARLAR: Or “Blue Tongue Day” if you prefer.

 

V-J DAY ***MARLAR: And no, America, it has absolutely nothing to do with the early days of VH1.

 

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Bison-ten Yell Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 03

Penny Press Day

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 04

Bring Your Manners To Work Day

Cow Chip Throwing Days

National College Colors Day

Hug Your Boss Day

National Lazy Boss Day

National Wildlife Day

Newspaper Carrier Day

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 05

Cow Chip Throwing Days

Bacon Day

Be Late For Something Day

Franchise Appreciation Day

International Day of Charity

Jury Rights Day

National Buffalo Chicken Wings Days

National Writing Date Day

Pet Rock Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 06

National Buffalo Chicken Wings Days

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 07

Google Commemoration Day

Great Bathtub Race

Grandma Moses Day

Labor Day

National Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day

“Neither Snow Nor Rain” Day

Salami Day

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 08

Another Look Unlimited Day

International Literacy Day

Pardon Day

Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Nurses Day

Virgin Mary Day

World Physical Therapy Day

 

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 09

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day

Wonderful Weirdoes Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1901: U.S. Vice-President Theodore Roosevelt offered the advice, “Speak softly and carry a big stick,” in a speech at the Minnesota State Fair.

 

1912: The first Calgary Stampede began in Alberta, but it was called “The Last and Best Great West Frontier Days Celebration.”

 

1923: The movie classic “The Hunchback of Notre Dame,” starring Lon Chaney, was released throughout the U.S.

 

1948: Christa Corrigan was born in Boston. In 1986 the New Hampshire schoolteacher, Christa McAuliffe, to be the first ordinary citizen in space, died with six crew members when the space shuttle Challenger exploded.

 

1963: Walter Cronkite anchored the first half-hour newscast on network television. He interviewed President John Kennedy.

 

1976: Dana Dover, Gary Mandau, and Chris Lyons of Portland, Oregon, set a world record by completing a merry-go-round ride of 312 hours 43 minutes. (13 days).

 

1978: At the wedding of Emilio Estefan and Gloria Fajardo, arriving guests had to do the conga on the way to their seats.

 

1988: Responding to an alligator baby boom, Florida held its first full-scale alligator hunt in 26 years.

 

1993: The Economist magazine reported that Japan’s meteorology service had abandoned a study to determine if earthquakes were caused by catfish wiggling their tails. After seven years of research the agency refused to confirm or deny the Japanese legend.

 

1995: The first song ever to debut on the Billboard Hot 100 at #1 was Michael Jackson’s “You Are Not Alone.”

 

1999: The Clintons bought a home in the New York suburb of Chappaqua for $1.7 million, establishing residency for first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, who planned to run for the U.S. Senate.

 

2000: Singer Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys married longtime girlfriend Leighanne.

 

2002: A Chinese couple who walked around Hangzhou handcuffed together to show their love were arrested when mistaken for escaped convicts. The couple was released after promising never to misuse police gear again.

 

2003: A federal appeals court in San Francisco threw out more than 100 death sentences in Arizona, Montana and Idaho because the inmates had been sent to death row by judges instead of juries.

 

2011: In New York a taxi collided with a horse-drawn carriage. ***MARLAR: Really?  You need a punchline for that one?

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(None today)

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Desperado, Once Upon A Time In Mexico) Salma Hayek 47
  • actress (Libby on “Lost”, Kellie on “The Drew Carey Show”) Cynthia Watros 47 (
    )
  • actor (Matrix movies, Speed, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure) Keanu Reeves is 51
  • actress (“Port Charles”, Charlene on “Matlock”) Linda Purl 60
  • actor (“St. Elsewhere”, “Chicago Hope”, “NCIS”) Mark Harmon 64 (
    )
  • sportscaster/former quarterback/commercial pitch-man, Terry Bradshaw 67

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1925 : Hugo Montenegro

1925 : Russ Conway

1939 : Bobby Dickey (James & Bobby Purify)

1939 : Sam Gooden (The Impressions)

1940 : Jimmy Clanton

1943 : Joe Simon

1943 : Rosalind Ashford (Martha and the Vandellas)

1946 : Marty Grebb (The Buckinghams)

1951 : Mik Kaminski (Electric Light Orchestra)

1956 : Fritz McIntyre (Simply Red)

1957 : Steve Porcaro (Toto)

1958 : Jerry Augustyniak (10,000 Maniacs)

1969 : K-Ci Hailey (Jodeci)

1975 : Tony Thompson (Hi-Five)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Can you really hear the ocean if you hold a seashell to your ear?

YES! (If you happen to be standing next to the ocean.) I remember when I was young, holding a seashell to my ear. I couldn’t believe it… I heard the ocean! And I was in Olathe, Kansas! When I got older, I knew better than to think it was the ocean; I figured it must just be the sound of blood rushing through my ears. Science, unfortunately, throws cold water on my entire experience!  You’re not hearing the ocean or even the sound of the blood circulating through your ears. And a coffee cup or drinking glass may produce similar sounds. Whatever you’re holding to your ear is simply amplifying some of the sounds around you. Which ones get magnified, or resonate, depends on the size and shape of what you have against your ear. So if you want to hear the ocean, you have to go to the beach.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Jason Crabb is a favorite son of his hometown of Beaver Dam, Kentucky. According to New Release Today, the town showed its appreciation for the singer by naming one of its roads Jason Crabb Drive. Jason recently showed off one of the road signs and remarked that he couldn’t be more proud of being from Beaver Dam!

 

You might be able to relate to The Sidewalk Prophet’s Ben McDonald. He tweeted: Does anyone else get outraged at Facebook posts and start writing a 2 page critical response to it and then decide against posting it? Me to.

 

Mercyme’s Bart Millard says his daughter Sophie does not like cauliflower. And when he says she doesn’t like it, he means she REALLY doesn’t like it. He shared a picture as Sophie cut up a head of cauliflower. She was wearing a paintball mask and goggles.

 

Tour trivia from TobyMac: Typically about 28-32 microphones are used during a TobyMac concert.

 

Jonny Diaz: My Battlebots would just spray water on the other Battlebots.

 

David Crowder has joined snap chat. You can chat live with Crowder when you follow him at crowder music.

 

Colton Dixon wants to know: What is one item of Merch that you guys would like to see this fall? I.e. – hats, buttons, patches, etc. Casting Crowns’ Chris Huffman responded: the real question is when are you going to sell wigs of your trademark hairdo?

 

Tenth Avenue North braved the heat over the weekend. The band joined the Arizona Diamondbacks for a concert, braving 109 degree heat. They tweeted that the Diamondback win was their opening act, adding: we’re stoked to rock your humble stadium.

 

Overheard at a show by Switchfoot front man Jon Foreman: “I wish George Foreman would get here…”?

 

Posted by a social media follower of Ravi Zacharias: My son somehow thought that Ravi Zacharias was “Pastor Ravioli”. We’ve since sorted the whole thing out.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Southern New Jersey man digs up live cannonball in backyard
CAPE MAY COURT HOUSE, N.J. (AP) — The Atlantic City bomb squad was dispatched to a southern New Jersey home over the weekend after a man dug up a live cannonball in his backyard. Police say the Lower Township man was digging behind his West Bates Avenue home when he discovered the explosive…

 

3,000 Philly Naked Bike Riders photo-bomb wedding shoot    photo
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Here comes the bride all dressed in white. And, don’t look now, but here come thousands of bicyclists not dressed in anything. Nude and body-painted participants from this year’s Philly Naked Bike Ride cruised through the wedding day photo shoot of lovebirds Ross Cohen and…
$20 found in San Francisco leads to $1 million lottery win
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A San Francisco Bay Area man won $1 million in the California Lottery after buying a winning ticket with money he found at the airport. The California Lottery said Sunday that Hubert Tang had not bought a lottery ticket in 10 years. When he found a $20 bill on the street…
2 arrested for enjoying meal on boat while family slept
NORWALK, Conn. (AP) — Police in Connecticut have charged two people they say broke into a boat at a Norwalk marina to enjoy a fast food meal and take some selfies while a family of five slept on board. HASH(0x1414040) One family member confronted the intruders, and they ran away. Police found…
Naked, body-painted bicyclists ride through Philadelphia    photo
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Thousands of bicyclists in various stages of undress have pedaled their way around the city to promote fuel conservation and positive body image. The Philly Naked Bike Ride on Saturday featured people sporting masks, underwear, body paint, glitter or nothing at all. A lot…
Teacher who was late 111 times says he was eating breakfast
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — An elementary school teacher who was allowed to keep his job despite being late for work 111 times in two years said Friday that breakfast is to blame for his tardiness. “I have a bad habit of eating breakfast in the morning, and I lost track of time,” 15-year veteran…
Lottery winners don’t get largesse, but get left out
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. (AP) — Big-time Illinois Lottery winners aren’t getting the largesse. They’re getting left out. Without a state budget agreement two months into the new fiscal year, there’s no authority for the state comptroller to cut checks over $25,000. That means smaller winnings can be…
Benedictine monk relaxing atop wind turbine spotted by drone
PORTSMOUTH, R.I. (AP) — A Benedictine monk who works at a private Rhode Island school has discovered that finding solitude is no easy feat, even 175 feet in the air. Brother Joseph Byron was recently relaxing atop the Portsmouth Abbey School’s wind turbine — as he often does —…
Golf club owner agrees to pay $100,000 over manure incident
ESCONDIDO, Calif. (AP) — The owner of a Southern California golf club, who raised a stink by spreading chicken manure on the course, has agreed to pay $100,000 to air pollution regulators. HASH(0x13d2840) San Diego County’s Air Pollution Control District claimed that last year, the owner had…
Girls named Destiny questioned in cliffside vandalism case    photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Sheriff’s deputies have interviewed more than a dozen girls named “Destiny” trying to crack a vandalism case where someone spray-painted a prom invitation on a southwest Idaho cliffside. But Ada County Sheriff’s Office spokesman Patrick Orr tells KBOI-TV…
Migrants bike into Norway at remote Arctic border crossing
HELSINKI (AP) — As Europe grapples with record-breaking numbers of migrants, a trickle of asylum seekers from Syria and the Mediterranean region have found an unlikely route: Through Russia to a remote Arctic border post in Norway, partly on bicycles. Police Chief Inspector Goeran Stenseth…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Study: Midlife obesity may spur risk for earlier Alzheimer’s
WASHINGTON (AP) — One more reason to watch the waistline: New research says people’s weight in middle age may influence not just whether they go on to develop Alzheimer’s disease, but when. Obesity in midlife has long been suspected of increasing the risk of Alzheimer’s. Researchers at the…

 

A racial gap in kidney transplants closes but work remains
CHICAGO (AP) — A racial gap in kidney transplants appears to have closed, a 13-year study found. Rates of such transplants among white patients used to far surpass those in blacks, but U.S. data on nearly 200,000 end-stage kidney disease patients shows that disparity had disappeared by 2010….
Experts to investigate new Ebola case in north Sierra Leone
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Ebola experts are in Sierra Leone’s Kambia district investigating a case that emerged less than a week after the country’s last known patient was discharged from a hospital, a World Health Organization spokeswoman said Monday. Once the source of transmission is…
California doctor faces murder trial in 3 men’s drug deaths    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A prosecutor says that even after several patients died of overdoses, the California doctor now charged in their deaths continued to prescribe powerful painkillers in appointments that lasted as little as three minutes. But the defense attorney for Dr. Hsiu-Ying “Lisa”…
Study: Tiny, wireless pacemaker could be surgery-free option    photo
LONDON (AP) — A tiny, wireless pacemaker could offer some heart patients a surgery-free alternative to the traditional devices, a new study says. Some doctors, however, say there are lingering safety questions and warned patients not to rush to get the new technology.   Unlike traditional…
Judge sides with anti-abortion group in birth control case
WASHINGTON (AP) — A federal judge on Monday sided with an anti-abortion group in its challenge of a key birth control provision of the Obama administration’s health care overhaul. The decision from U.S. District Judge Richard Leon adds to the legal debate surrounding the law’s requirement…
Sierra Leone: Officials confirm new Ebola death
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Health officials in Sierra Leone on Sunday confirmed an Ebola death less than a week after the country’s last known patient was discharged from a hospital. Samples from the body of a 67-year-old woman who died recently in Kambia district in the country’s north…
Leading stem cell scientist cleared of misconduct charges    photo
LONDON (AP) — Sweden’s Karolinska Institute says a leading stem cell scientist accused of unethical behavior has been cleared of scientific misconduct though he sometimes acted without due care. In a statement released on Friday, the university said complaints leveled against Dr. Paolo…
Q&A: Questions, answers in Planned Parenthood controversy    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Planned Parenthood Federation of America is defending its abortion practices and its donation of fetal tissue for medical research. It sent a letter Thursday to congressional leaders and included a report by experts it hired who found that undercover videos of its officials…
Planned Parenthood alleges ‘smear’ in letter to Congress    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Planned Parenthood Federation of America defended its practices Thursday in a lengthy letter to congressional leaders and included a report by experts it hired who found undercover videos of officials discussing fetal tissue for research were heavily altered by…
FDA lays out proposal for naming lower-cost biotech drugs
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration released its proposal Thursday for naming lower-cost biotech drugs, a critical step in creating a market for the new class of medicines. These quasi-generic biotech drugs have the potential to save the U.S. health care system billions of…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A Texas man had a close call last week when he shot at an armadillo and the bullet ricocheted, striking his face. The incident happened at the man’s property around 3AM. Earlier this year, a Georgia woman was injured after a shot fired by her son-in-law ricocheted off an armadillo.  *** Instead of using spider silk for bullet-proof vets, maybe we should be looking into stringing together a bunch of armadillo hides.

 

Did you know that more than half of Americans never ride a bike. A recently released report also found that nearly six percent of Americans don’t even know how to ride a bike. The study of nearly 1,200 people nation wide found that, in the Northeast, 12 percent of Americans said they didn’t know how to ride a bike compared to just 3 percent in the Midwest. It also showed that young people are riding bikes less. 9 percent of those ages 18 to 34 said they couldn’t ride a bike while just 3 percent of those 55 and over said they don’t know how to ride.  *** But hey, we can virtual bike-ride on Xbox, which is essentially the same thing, right?

 

A badger is recovering at a Polish animal shelter after the party animal was found passed out on a beach from having too much to drink. The badger is believed to have stolen the booze from fellow beachgoers, before removing the beer caps with her teeth and guzzling away.  *** I’ll bet it’s hard to get past a drinking problem like this when you’re the only one in the Alcoholic Badgers Anonymous meetings.

 

An Arizona man suspected of entering a home and threatening to kill residents with a rattlesnake has reportedly used hornets as weapons in the past. Nathaniel Buck Harrison was arrested after police say he entered the home and accused a man there of “being a rat” who sent his friend to prison. At some point during the altercation, Harrison broke a board over the victim’s head and tried to get his rattlesnake to bite the victim.  *** Which is pretty ingenious if you think about it, because if your victim kills the snake you can still get your revenge by having him arrested on animal cruelty charges!

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A study in the New Zealand Medical Journal says airline passengers should not try to hold in abdominal gas but let it go to prevent indigestion and heartburn.  ***MARLAR: Is it really a good idea to give passengers permission to release flammable gasses?  (Well, if I have to fly there, you can count New Zealand out of my potential vacation destinations now.)

 

If you want to lose weight, join a soccer league. According to new research from Copenhagen University in Denmark, a friendly game of soccer works off more fat and builds up more muscle than jogging or walking.  ***MARLAR: Especially European soccer where you get even more exercise by fist-fighting with the spectators.

 

Add “Facebook depression” to potential harms linked with social media, an influential doctors’ group warns, referring to a condition it says may affect troubled teens who obsess over the online site.  Researchers disagree on whether it’s simply an extension of depression some kids feel in other circumstances, or a distinct condition linked with using the online site.  ***MARLAR: How can it NOT be depressing when you can instantly see people “unfriend” you and you’re poked all of the time?

 

Hey guys, forget the champagne or wine, if you’re looking for a romantic evening with your lady, fix her a glass of organic licorice tea, and leave out some Good and Plenty licorice candy to snack on. It turns out the scent of licorice drives women crazy. In fact, a study discovered that women who were around the smell of licorice were far more likely to be “in the mood” compared to women who were around the scent of men’s cologne. ***MARLAR: Of course, you know what the obvious conclusion to this is, right?  Coming soon – Licorice Old Spice.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Hancuff a one-armed man”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Billy Li”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: Last time on As the Jungle Turns, Marvy Snuffleson was tired of work. School, homework, chores, cleaning his room… but now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, where the weekly calendar clock tells them Sunday is for attending church, weekdays are for work, and Saturday is for rest and relaxation. And on Razzleflabbin Island – it’s now Saturday… and Marvy Snuffleson is loving it!

 

CLOSE: Bread and water to eat – but also no work! What will Marvy decide to do? Tune in again next time to find out, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 05/06, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals had gathered together to go on a picnic. But Gruffy Bear, seeing the potential for this to be one of the best – if not THE best – picnics ever, had decided that the picnic won’t begin until they find the absolutely perfect picnic spot!

 

CLOSE: Boy, Gruffy really is being picky! Maybe they’ll find the perfect picnic spot next time… As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Some people break into movies without even trying.

Police in North Andover, Massachusetts, accidentally interrupted a movie set thinking it was the site of a robbery attempt. Director John Depew said he was filming a scene at a convenience store when police officers suddenly stormed in. Two actors playing robbers were handcuffed by the officers. The confusion stemmed from a 911 call from an unidentified individual who said a robbery was taking place at the store.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER

 

  1. Your favorite part of the newspaper is “25 Years Ago Today…”

 

  1. You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.

 

  1. The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

 

  1. Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.

 

  1. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

 

  1. You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.

 

  1. After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

 

  1. Dialing long distance wears you out.

 

  1. You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

 

  1. The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Criminal Career Tip #432: after robbing a bank, do not go flashing the money around just a few doors away!

 

FILE #1: A bank robber stopped off on his way to getting away from a bank robbery a block from the bank, to buy a drink that he paid for by pulling a $50 bill from a ”bag bulging with large denominations,” according to police who were alerted when another store employee flagged them down.

 

FILE #2: This guy must be related to the guy in our first file. A bank robber was caught by police after giving in to his craving for a soda pop — and a new shirt. Joseph Magnotti was arrested in a Subway sandwich shop, a few minutes after a man wearing a bright red shirt robbed a nearby bank. Maybe Magnotti didn’t see the ‘No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service’ sign. He had shoes, but he wasn’t wearing a shirt when he entered Subway. He ordered a drink, and paid with a $50 bill — which he took from a bag bulging with large denominations. Magnotti then offered to buy an employee’s shirt for $20. Another store employee thought this was suspicious, went outside and flagged down a police officer who was passing by on a bicycle. He arrested Magnotti, now wearing a Subway shirt. Subway employee Shalandra Pitts said ‘We never had anybody want to buy a shirt before’.

 

FILE #3: A man has been threatened with jail for wearing shorts in court in Malta. Simon Chircop turned up wearing shorts and a T-shirt for a traffic matter at the court on the Mediterranean island. Magistrate Carol Peralta said he was showing disrespect and fined him £38. She said if he can’t pay the shorts fine he will go to jail. Chircop was also fined for driving without a valid license. He told the bench he did not have enough money to pay the fine for wearing shorts. The magistrate told him: “If you don’t pay the fine within the time prescribed by law, you will go to prison to make up for it.”

 

STRANGE LAW: In Wichita, KS it is illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

You won’t find this business listed on the mall directory.

Federal agents report they’ve busted up a pot growing operation in the Mall of the Americas in Miami. The hydroponic grow house was located deep in a storeroom at the mall. Agents say growers tapped into the mall’s power lines for electricity, but the amateur wiring could have caused a fire. No one was arrested, though 200 plants were seized. Authorities aren’t saying what tipped them to the mall marijuana.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What creative things have you done to get your kids to try something new?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Which king consulted the witch of Endor (woman with a familiar spirit)?

ANSWER: King Saul (I Samuel 28:7)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What large U.S. city is named after a type of garlic?

ANSWER: Chicago. (Chicago got it’s name from the American Indian word for the wild garlic that grew around Lake Michigan – “chicagaoua”.)

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The baseball team that was the first in history to score 1000 runs in a 162-game season was the Indians. (True)

 

  1. Jay Leno once made a guest appearance on “Laverne and Shirley”. (True)

 

  1. In “Knight Rider”, K.I.T.T.’s name stands for Kill Industry Two Thousand. (False, Knight Industries Two Thousand)

 

  1. The name of the robot girl on “Small Wonder” was Cindy Lou. (False, Vicki)

 

  1. In “Family Ties” Alex P. Keaton’s idol was Jimmy Carter. (False – Richard Nixon)

 

  1. The name of the Dukes of Hazzards car is the General Lee. (True)

 

  1. More women claim to be natural redheads, although statistics prove otherwise. (True)

 

  1. On “Three’s Company”, the name “Chrissy” is short for Christmas. (True)

 

  1. The show, “Just the 10 Of Us” was a spinoff of Family Ties. (False, Growing Pains)

 

  1. Tom Hanks played the Uncle on Family Ties. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

WOMAN FINDS GIANT _____ BUCKET (KFC)

Aleena Headrick says, “I was driving by, I saw this giant Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket in my yard, and I thought for sure I was hallucinating, so I called my teenagers who were at home and had them go outside.”

It appeared Thursday afternoon and she had no idea where it came from or who it belongs to. Maybe it’s a sign? We’ve heard of heavenly manna, but what about original recipe? Headrick says, “Too often we just need something to laugh about and so I put it on Facebook and told them that I would bring chicken to the next potluck.”

The bucket has already become a popular landmark. Headrick says people have been stopping to take pictures with it.

Freddie Taylor is Headrick’s landlord. He collects signs like this, and he says the bucket is quite a find. He says, “That bucket right there, if you notice it, it doesn’t say KFC. It says Kentucky Fried Chicken. That bucket’s probably forty years old.”

Taylor plans to have it mounted on a pole so it will be permanently displayed for all to see. But Headrick isn’t mad. She says it will make her house hard to miss. She says, “It’s unusual but it makes a really good landmark when people come to our house. We can just say, ‘Come down to the giant KFC bucket and turn right.’”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness.

Leaning close, one asked, “Sir, do you know what we’re doing right now?”

The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. “Oh,” he replied, “I’d say about 50, maybe 55.”

 

 

JOKE #2

After 50 years of wondering why he didn’t look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

“Yes, you were son,” his mother said as she started to cry softly . . . “but it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”

 

 

JOKE #3

“I see you went crazy at the big summer clearance sale,” Wanda comments, as she looks at all the bags of merchandise her friend, Carol just brought home from the store.  “You got that right … I almost bought their elevator ’cause it was marked down.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A half-hour of kissing reduces the body’s allergic reaction to pollen, according to Japanese researchers at Satou Hospital. How? Kissing relaxes the body and that reduces the production of histamine.  ***MARLAR: Question… how can you kiss for half an hour when you can’t breathe due to your pollen allergy?

 

A truck driver in Dyersburg, Tennessee, reports that his trailer containing 2,880 cases of the energy drink Red Bull, valued at $100,000, has been stolen. In Dyersburg, someone stole a trailer containing $100,000 worth of Kraft sauces. The trailer was found in Ohio, but all the sauce was gone.  ***MARLAR: Red Bull and Cheese Whiz… sounds like someone has pretty hefty weekend plans.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

UTENSIL REJECTION

My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant.

When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.

“As an environmentalist,” she declared, “I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils.”

The waiter inspected her chopsticks.

“Very beautiful,” he said politely. “Ivory.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Can a dead person sue a hospital?  Well, not exactly. 

A Jackson Township, Indiana, woman is suing a hospital, claiming she is owed damages for the trouble she was caused when doctors pronounced another woman with the same name dead last winter. Diane Wright, 67, says Porter Hospital caused her to lose her Social Security and health insurance after they allegedly notified various agencies that she had died. In addition, the federal government sent a claim to Wright’s husband demanding repayment of nearly $3,000 in Social Security benefits paid to his “late” wife. The dearly departed was actually another Diane Wright, who died in January at Porter.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

BE BLESSED

The man whispered, “God, speak to me” and a meadowlark sang. But the man did not hear.
So the man yelled “God, speak to me” And, the thunder rolled across the sky. But the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said, “God let me see you.” And a star shined brightly. But the man did not notice.
And, the man shouted, “God show me a miracle” And, a life was born. But the man did not know.
So, the man cried out in despair, “Touch me God, and let me know you are here,” whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.
Don’t miss out on a blessing because it isn’t packaged the way that you expect.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

FOR THE POOR

READ: Deuteronomy 15:7-11

Open your hand wide to your brother, to your poor and your needy, in your land. —Deuteronomy 15:11

he man sits on the street corner day after day, begging for money. He’s poor and desperate for a little cash to spend on food.

He’s not alone. More than one-half of the world’s people live below the internationally defined poverty line of less than $2.00 a day. Poverty and hunger are such a big problem in our world that it’s easy for us to feel helpless or to become hard-hearted and do nothing.

But God doesn’t close His eyes to the plight of the poor. When He gave His people guidelines for living, He included instructions on ways to care for the needy (Deut. 15:11). He told His people, “You shall not harden your heart, nor shut your hand, from your poor brother, [but] open your hand wide to him and willingly lend him sufficient for his need” (vv.7-8).

God also commanded His people not to glean the corners of their fields so that the less fortunate could gather food (Lev. 19:9-10). And Jesus showed His compassion for the poor by His words and actions. As Christians, we cannot ignore the plight of the poor today. Individuals and churches can join with Christian organizations working to combat poverty as they spread the Word. God has a heart for the poor. Do we? —Anne Cetas

 

The poor and needy everywhere
Are objects of God’s love and care,
But they will better know His care
As we seek ways that love to share.  —D. De Haan

 

God gives us all we need so we can give to those in need.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

Another reason to eat breakfast: Skipping it may increase your chances of a heart attack.  A study of older men found those who regularly skipped breakfast had a 27 percent higher risk of a heart attack than those who ate a morning meal. Why would skipping breakfast be a heart attack risk?  Experts aren’t certain, but here’s what they think: People who don’t eat breakfast are more likely to be hungrier later in the day and eat larger meals. Those meals mean the body must process a larger amount of calories in a shorter amount of time. That can spike sugar levels in the blood and perhaps lead to clogged arteries.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

TEN SECRETS TO A STRESS-FREE PERSONAL LIFE

  1. Create boundaries. Boundaries reflect what other people can or cannot do or say to you, for instance, “I am only able to listen to you when you speak calmly without shouting.” This will leave you feeling protected from hurtful situations.2. Ask people to help you. Choose 3 things today that you can receive help with and ask for it. You will have less to cope with and get done, can stop being a hero who does it all and leave the other person feeling important with a sense of responsibility

 

  1. Quiet your mind at least once a day. Concentrate on your breathing and let all of your thoughts go.

 

  1. Explore and experience your feelings fully. For example, when you feel sad allow yourself to be sad rather than try to pick yourself up and pretend it doesn’t manner. It’s okay to feel sad, happy, frustrated…accepting your feelings rather than fighting them helps you to know where in your life to make changes and reduce stress.5. Plan a fun activity every day. It can be for just 5 minutes or as long as you want such as watching a comedy, dancing, a water-pistol fight with friends…. You will have something to look forward to each day, keeping fun and balance in your life.

    6. Communicate your feelings using the statement “I feel….” Such as, “I feel unimportant when you don’t telephone me during the day.” You will feel less conflict as you are owning your feelings and talking about the other person’s behavior, not them personally.

    7. Write in your journal every day. Find a time that works best for you, maybe first thing in the morning or last thing at night and write about your thoughts, feelings, ideas, stressful situations…. You will safely explore and clarify your life and priorities, enabling you to make choices and to take action based on these.

    8. Take time for yourself on a regular basis. Perhaps you might take a long bath, read, have quiet time alone or whatever feels good for you. You will feel good about yourself and more relaxed and energized to enjoy your life more fully.

    9. Use the words “Would you…” when asking for things. For example, “Would you look after my plants while I am on holiday?” You are more likely to achieve a ‘yes’ as the other person is left feeling capable and having a choice rather than being told to what to do.

 

  1. Show your appreciation. Every day tell someone that you appreciate them, “I appreciate the way you’ve supported me through this emotional time.” We all need to feel appreciated and showing appreciation to others will allow you to live in a more loving way.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

Can you be banned from playing in Little League because you’re too good of a player?

Nine-year-old Jericho Scott can throw a baseball almost 40 mph, pretty impressive for a kid and apparently too impressive for the Youth Baseball League of New Haven in Connecticut. The League told Jericho he can no longer pitch on the league, but he took the mound last week anyway. The opposing team saw Jericho ready to play and forfeited the game. Officials said they plan on disbanding Jericho’s team and will put the players on other teams in the league. Coach Wilfred Vidro said, “How can you punish a kid for being too good?”

 

 

FUN LIST

WEIRDEST MOVIE TITLES OF ALL TIME

(According to oddee.com)

  1. “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies” (1963)
  2. “Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter” (1966)
  3. “Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?” (1969)
  4. “Eegah” (1962)
  5. “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” (1964)
  6. “The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini” (1966)
  7. “Manos, the Hands of Fate” (1966)
  8. “Sssssss” (1973)
  9. “Phffft” (1954)
  10. Rat Pfink a Boo Boo” (1966)

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SORRY, WE CAN’T GIVE YOU A LOAN BECAUSE YOU POKED TOO MANY PEOPLE

You’re already concerned about your credit score; one day you may also have to be concerned about your Facebook friends – because a few tech startups are using social data when determining whether to loan you money. One company checks out whether your Facebook friends list includes anyone who’s ever been late paying back a Lenddo loan, and, if so, how often you interact with that person.  ***MARLAR: Sorry – we can’t give you a loan because you’ve poked too many people!

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Mississippi’s Brandon High School marching band was ordered off the field Friday night because the Christian hymn “How Great Thou Art” was a part of their halftime show—in violation of a federal court order. In July, U.S. District Court Judge Carlton Reeves ruled the district had violated the agreement after a Christian minister delivered a prayer at an awards ceremony. Judge Reeves ordered the district to pay thousands of dollars in fines. He also warned the district that future violations would cost them $10,000. But that didn’t stop the residents of the town from speaking out. During halftime of Friday night’s game—a lone voice began to sing the forbidden song. An eye witness reported: one by one people started to stand. It started out as a hum but the sound got louder and louder. She said it was a “truly incredible” moment to watch hundreds of people singing together in the stadium.  http://bit.ly/1Efjk3Z

 

A lost wedding ring has been returned after 27 years. According to ABC news, Larry Matti lost the ring while a patient at the Meao Clinic. A plumber found the ring in a clogged pipe but the plumber wasn’t able to find the owner, that is until earlier this month. That’s when the plumbers wife met Larry’s son at a wedding. The ring came up during their conversation and, based on the description inside the ring, it was finally returned to it’s owner.  http://abcn.ws/1EizVy5

 

Mission trips and adoptions are opportunities to see God work in multiple ways. But often, expensive airfares can be a hurdle, keeping people from moving forward or even starting their journey. That’s why Adoption Airfare is working hard to book flights, making travel easier and less stressful. They work with major airlines like Delta and KLM to find discounts, cheap tickets, and special flights that allow extra baggage. The ministry is also able to provide humanitarian airfare and waive penalties if flights need to be changed. But their main purpose is to reflect the Love of God and share the Gospel. https://t.co/Iahx15DibG

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I was at Taco Bell last night and I heard this woman in front of me ordering. She asked the kid behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

A Fantasy about Productivity

It’s back! Fall football season. Lights were on at high school stadiums in our neighborhoods last Friday night. College teams kickoff this weekend. Pro players are getting ready for their final pre-season action, and those dreaded visits from a coach who asks members of that last group of cuts to “turn in your playbook.”
I love football season. But not as much as some. I don’t go to games, so obviously no tailgating. No big parties. Just a nice big screen will do with the ability to DVR the games I most want to watch.
To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I paid to see a sporting event. One, I can’t afford it! And two…being in media has offered me the blessing of free tickets courtesy of sports franchises, friends, or the radio station. And when sitting in the press box for games, they even feed you!
But get this: I even began passing up the great press box opportunity several years ago. That’s because there’s another cost to sporting events. Time. And more specifically for overly passionate sports-minded dads, time away from family.
I was sitting in the press box at a Pittsburgh Steelers game while my boys were in high school. They weren’t sports fans and there was only one press pass. So on several Sundays, I went. And left the family at home. Sometimes missing church in the process.
On that Sunday in Pittsburgh, my soul was jolted with the reality that I only had a few years left with my sons at home. And weekends were precious. And that ended my giving up Sundays and leaving family behind. Back then, I was videotaping games and watching them when we completed our family time.
My workplace blog today chooses to address another unfortunate cost from our love of sports: ripping off the company in our fantasy time. Okay, that is a bit aggressive — but look at the numbers.
This past week, Fox Business reported the estimates in company time taken up by those who play “fantasy football.” If correct, the nearly 60 million Americans and Canadians in this pretend world of sports could cost employers nearly $16 billion in lost wages. This number was generated from one of our Chicago consulting firms, Challenger, Gray, & Christmas. (Love that name.)
For those who don’t fantasize about football in this way, it’s defined as “a statistical game in which players compete against each other by managing groups of real players or position units selected from American football teams.” And according to the Fox article, “Fantasy players are expected to use one hour per week updating their rosters, making trades and checking injury reports at work.”
Now to be fair, plenty of sporting pools still exist. And there’s the annual March Madness bracketology competition consuming massive hours of employee time as well. Then we have the time in the break room — or wherever — where daily discussions focus on the great plays, the bad decisions of umpires, referees, and coaches, and where teams stand.
The twist that caught my attention in the story came from the CEO John Challenger of the aforementioned firm. Apparently, John is himself a fantasy football fan who belongs to multiple leagues! And his take is that this activity is a morale booster in the workplace and may increase productivity in the long run! Thus, employers should look the other way, adding, “It is impossible to reach full productivity.” Mull that over, dear business owner.
This is one of those business dilemmas that does not have a clear cut solution. Strict workplace legalists can argue (with some validity) that you are paid for work, not personal fun or chatter. Workplace realists know that if you remove all fun or non-work related personal discussions, on-the-job satisfaction drops.
Interesting, the Bible has a story about this kind of conflict. Two women who loved Jesus had him over a for a visit. One chose to sit at His feet and be blessed by His wisdom and his company. Her name was Mary. The other chose to be very busy with all the preparations. Her name was Martha. And she complained to Jesus about her sister’s insensitivity on the work that needed to be done.
Here is what she said: “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
And here is how Jesus replied, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42 / NLT) Best to think this one over.
Each employer must set their own guidelines for these kinds of workplace issues. And each employee owes it to their employer to respect those guidelines.
All work and no play, and Fantasy Football goes away. Here come the “boo birds.”
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

AUGUST 28, 2015…

 

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: The Green Legend—Finally, here comes the sequel for this film that was a visual feast of color and activity.  The plot is a carefully kept secret, but at least we know that the cast includes Michelle Yeoh, Donny Wen, and Jason Scott Lee. The film will first open in IMAX and Netflix, then in regular movie theaters a week later.  “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: The Green Legend” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Hitman: Agent 47—The film is based on the game series and about a hitman who is part robotic. He is assigned to kill someone but begins to doubt his assignment. Stars Rupert Friend. “Hitman: Agent 47” is rated R. No rating.

 

The War Room—This film is called a Christian drama dealing with trying to keep a marriage together.  It stars Alex Kendricks who also directs.  Also in the cast are Priscilla Shirer and T. C. Stallings. “The War Room” (called because it is a special room of safety and reflection) is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

We Are Your Friends—In this film, Zac Efron plays an ambitious young man who wants to rise to the top of the music industry as an electronic music producer. Wes Bentley says he can help him, but is this true? “We Are Your Friends” is rated PG-13. No rating.

 

Regression—Emma Watson is a young woman who has lost her memory. What has happened? Something from her past? Abusive family or traumatic event? Also in the cast are Ethan Hawke and Dennis Dencik. “Regression” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 02, 2015…

 

No Escape is a thriller about trying to get out of a Middle Eastern country during an uprising. Stars Owen Wilson and Pierce Brosnan.

 

Films Opening September 4

 

Jane Got A Gun  and this film was supposed to have opened in March but unexpectedly got pushed to fall. It’s a western starring Natalie Portman.

 

Kitchen Sink is a comedy horror film starring Vanessa Hudgens and about a town where vampires, humans and zombies live together.

 

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WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.