September 02, 2016: Friday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Receive a free customized version specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

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***LIFE LINES – FREE TO AIR! (Updates automatically weekdays at 8am.)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160902

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I’m glad you could join me. A little later we’ll give you the opportunity to mail in a $20 bill — and receive a beautiful hand-written “Thank You” note.

It’s (FRIDAY) – stop twerking, start working!

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor.” –Proverbs 29:23

[Jesus said] “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” –John 13:34

Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care. — Psalm 95:6-7

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? — Matthew 6:25

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her [the woman caught in adultery].” — John 8:7

Thought: When we find it easy to identify the sin of others, God wants us to be reminded of how important it is for us to take a rigorously honest inventory of our own faithfulness. He wants us to deal with our own sin before we evaluate anyone else.

Prayer: Forgive me, Father God, for my sins. Forgive me, especially Father, for the sin of a critical and judgmental spirit. Deliver me from such hurtful and evil habits, forgive me of my sins, and please bless me with faithfulness. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Psalm 9:2 NIV = I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

TODAY IS FRIDAY – SEPTEMBER 02, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 1
19 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is ANOTHER LOOK UNLIMITED DAY.  Survey your possessions and give surplus items to charity.  You can take your stuff to places like the Salvation Army or other thrift stores and help those less fortunate than you!

Today is NATIONAL BLUEBERRY POPSICLE DAY. ***MARLAR: Or “Blue Tongue Day” if you prefer.

V-J DAY ***MARLAR: And no, America, it has absolutely nothing to do with the early days of MTV or VH1.

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Building And Code Staff Appreciation Day

Calendar Adjustment Day

Chicken Boy’s Day

Emma M. Nutt Day

National No Rhyme (Nor Reason) Day

Random Acts of Kindness Day

Save Japan’s Dolphins Day

Toy Tips Executive Toy Test Day

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 02

Bison-ten Yell Day

V-J Day

Bring Your Manners To Work Day

Cow Chip Throwing Days begin

Hug Your Boss Day

National College Colors Day

National Lazy Moms Day

National No Patrick Day

Sand Sculpting Days begin

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 03

Bacon Day

Franchise Appreciation Day

National Buffalo Chicken Wings Days begin

National Tailgating Day

National Writing Date Day

Penny Press Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 04

National Wildlife Day

Newspaper Carrier Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 05

Be Late For Something Day

Great Bathtub Race

International Day of Charity

Jury Rights Day

Labor Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 06

Another Look Unlimited Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 07

Google Commemoration Day

Grandma Moses Day

National Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day ***You’d think they could come up with a shorter name for a day dedicated to people with short attention spans.

Neither Snow Nor Rain” Day

Salami Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 08

International Literacy Day

National Ampersand Day

Pardon Day

Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Nurses Day

Virgin Mary Day (birthday)

World Physical Therapy Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 09

Care Bears Share Your Care Day

International Buy a Priest a Beer Day

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day

Opposite Day

Wonderful Weirdoes Day

Banana Day

Stand Up To Cancer Day

ON THIS DAY

1901: U.S. Vice-President Theodore Roosevelt offered the advice, “Speak softly and carry a big stick,” in a speech at the Minnesota State Fair.

1912: The first Calgary Stampede began in Alberta, but it was called “The Last and Best Great West Frontier Days Celebration.”

1923: The movie classic “The Hunchback of Notre Dame,” starring Lon Chaney, was released throughout the U.S.

1948: Christa Corrigan was born in Boston. In 1986 the New Hampshire schoolteacher, Christa McAuliffe, to be the first ordinary citizen in space, died with six crew members when the space shuttle Challenger exploded.

1963: Walter Cronkite anchored the first half-hour newscast on network television. He interviewed President John Kennedy.

1976: Dana Dover, Gary Mandau, and Chris Lyons of Portland, Oregon, set a world record by completing a merry-go-round ride of 312 hours 43 minutes. (13 days).

1978: At the wedding of Emilio Estefan and Gloria Fajardo, arriving guests had to do the conga on the way to their seats.

1988: Responding to an alligator baby boom, Florida held its first full-scale alligator hunt in 26 years.

1993: The Economist magazine reported that Japan’s meteorology service had abandoned a study to determine if earthquakes were caused by catfish wiggling their tails. After seven years of research the agency refused to confirm or deny the Japanese legend.

1995: The first song ever to debut on the Billboard Hot 100 at #1 was Michael Jackson’s “You Are Not Alone.”

1999: The Clintons bought a home in the New York suburb of Chappaqua for $1.7 million, establishing residency for first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, who planned to run for the U.S. Senate.

2000: Singer Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys married longtime girlfriend Leighanne.

2002: A Chinese couple who walked around Hangzhou handcuffed together to show their love were arrested when mistaken for escaped convicts. The couple was released after promising never to misuse police gear again.

2003: A federal appeals court in San Francisco threw out more than 100 death sentences in Arizona, Montana and Idaho because the inmates had been sent to death row by judges instead of juries.

2011: In New York a taxi collided with a horse-drawn carriage. ***MARLAR: Really?  You need a punchline for that one?

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(None today)

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Desperado, Once Upon A Time In Mexico) Salma Hayek 48

  • actress (Libby on “Lost”, Kellie on “The Drew Carey Show”) Cynthia Watros 48 (audio clip)

  • actor (Matrix movies, Speed, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure) Keanu Reeves is 52

  • actress (“Port Charles”, Charlene on “Matlock”) Linda Purl 61

  • actor (“St. Elsewhere”, “Chicago Hope”, “NCIS”) Mark Harmon 65 (audio clip)

  • sportscaster/former quarterback/commercial pitch-man, Terry Bradshaw 68

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1925 : Hugo Montenegro

1925 : Russ Conway

1939 : Bobby Dickey (James & Bobby Purify)

1939 : Sam Gooden (The Impressions)

1940 : Jimmy Clanton

1943 : Joe Simon

1943 : Rosalind Ashford (Martha and the Vandellas)

1946 : Marty Grebb (The Buckinghams)

1951 : Mik Kaminski (Electric Light Orchestra)

1956 : Fritz McIntyre (Simply Red)

1957 : Steve Porcaro (Toto)

1958 : Jerry Augustyniak (10,000 Maniacs)

1969 : K-Ci Hailey (Jodeci)

1975 : Tony Thompson (Hi-Five)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Can you really hear the ocean if you hold a seashell to your ear?

YES! (If you happen to be standing next to the ocean.) I remember when I was young, holding a seashell to my ear. I couldn’t believe it… I heard the ocean! And I was in Olathe, Kansas! When I got older, I knew better than to think it was the ocean; I figured it must just be the sound of blood rushing through my ears. Science, unfortunately, throws cold water on my entire experience!  You’re not hearing the ocean or even the sound of the blood circulating through your ears. And a coffee cup or drinking glass may produce similar sounds. Whatever you’re holding to your ear is simply amplifying some of the sounds around you. Which ones get magnified, or resonate, depends on the size and shape of what you have against your ear. So if you want to hear the ocean, you have to go to the beach.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

A reminder from Jimmy Needham: Hundreds of men and women were strung up, burned at the stake and beheaded so we could have the Bible in our own language. Read with gratitude.

An interesting observation from Danny Gokey: It seems that the presidential candidates are so distracted fighting each other that they have no time to fight real issues.

A special honor for the members of the band Kutless. They posted this week: Such an honor to be able to send off Veterans as they depart for Port Alsworth, Alaska for Operation Heal Our Patriots. James and Jon Micah Sumrall are in Alaska on a vacation with their family but will also be sharing some music with the soldiers at Operation Heal Our Patriots.

The Sidewalk Prophets announced Wednesday night that a movie, based on their song Prodigal, will be part of their upcoming fall Prodigal tour. Dave Frey took to Facebook live to talk about the tour and also share the news about the movie. He said the script was written in part by fellow band member Ben McDonald. Dave said more on the tour and the movie will be coming every week leading up to their first show.

Last weekend Building 429 guitarist Jesse Garcia missed a step and fell nine feet from the stage in the middle of one of their songs. The good news is that, although Jesse was bruised, nothing was broken. In fact, he was able to finish the concert before going in for medical attention. This week the band released a video of Jesse’s accident and it’s clear God was protecting him.  http://ow.ly/1pDQ303L0em

Casting Crowns’ Jaun Devevo says his life is on pause. He posted that he is currently waiting for the next dance craze to hit.

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard is out with his latest vlog. This time Jon gets personal, telling “The Story Of Us”. Check out the story of how he met and got to know his wife Jess. https://youtu.be/Gp-WmD2ByJQ

Joel, from For King and Country, this week gave a peek behind the scenes of the band’s movie Priceless. Joel plays the lead in the movie about human trafficking. In the video he shared more about the reason the group made the movie and what to expect when it comes to the box office in October. Hear Joel’s thoughts on Priceless at https://twitter.com/PricelessMovie/status/770400949387001856/video/1.

Jimmy Needham will be behind the pulpit this weekend. He was preparing his message this week and said his plan was to get into some evangelism real-talk with 2 Timothy.

Not a good start to the day for Third Day’s Mac Powell. He posted: So my day started with getting my blood drawn….No big deal, just check up stuff. But I hate needles!

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Would you slather yourself in a “healthy chicken aroma”? KFC has created a Kentucky Fried Chicken SPF 30 sunscreen. Yes, the fried chicken giant has decided to get into the skincare game, launching a website and free sun protection product that has the alluring scent of fried chicken.  *** So now great white sharks will find you finger-licking-good.

Doctors in India were perplexed over what was ailing a 42-year-old man after he showed up at a hospital complaining of abdominal pains. We they gave him an ultrasound they found some ‘solid mass in his stomach’ which looked like cancer tumors. After a five-hour procedure, doctors were amazed to instead find a total 40 folding knives. The man told the doctors that he liked the taste of the knives and had been eating them for about two months.  ***Not the sharpest knife in drawer.

One of the life-sized, naked Trump statues artist collective INDECLINE installed around the country in early August will be sold at an upcoming auction. The statue is expected to fetch at least $10,000 at the October 22 sale. A portion of the auction proceeds will benefit the National Immigration Forum.  ***Ironically, the naked Trump statue is still more qualified to be President than the actual Donald Trump… or the actual Hillary Clinton for that matter.

From Sydney, Australia, comes news that escaped prison inmate Amy Sharp hated the mug shots the police gave to media and attempted to supply photos she considered more flattering. Sharp, who’s 18, is accused of escaping from a correctional facility on August 19 where she was being held on “property offenses.”  ***Ah… so Amy NOT SO Sharp!

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

For many people, a wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event, so it’s only natural to want it to be something truly memorable. A business in Japan will come to your wedding reception with a huge, freshly caught tuna and proceed to cut it apart in front of everyone. The bride and groom get to make the first cut, then the fish is cut into small pieces for guests.  *** Gee, I’ll bet the phones are ringing off the hook for this company.  I can’t think of anything more romantic than raw fish smell at a wedding.

There is probably nothing more fun than making a baby or toddler laugh. And now there’s news that it could even help with learning — the toddler’s that is, not the adult’s. Researchers in France think laughing might be a stimulant of learning.  ***But you still won’t learn anything at a Dane Cook concert, because he’s not funny.

How far would you go to save a friendship? Would you get professional help? That’s the latest trend, it seems. Friendship counseling. More than 10-thousand psychologists and counselors are offering sessions on relationships with friends in the United States. It’s not cheap. Sessions can cost anywhere between $75 and $200 for an hour.  ***MARLAR: At which point you again risk losing your friend when you try to get them to pay once in a while.

Ladies, if you call your closest girlfriend to vent about your husband’s diehard devotion to golf, you know it’s a relief to express your feelings. It was reported in Ladies’ Home Journal, that now researchers have discovered why. According to a study from UCLA, attaching words to a feeling reduces activity in the part of the brain that controls our biological response to emotions, such as increased heart rate when we’re angry. “Expressing your feelings in words short circuits the body’s reaction by preventing stress hormones from being released,” says lead author Matthew D. Lieberman, an associate professor of psychology.  ***MARLAR: What if what really irks you about your spouse is that they always call someone to complain about you?

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Phillips Screwdriver”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Thor Ramsey, “Hair and Fitness”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson has been sent to his room for not playing with the new kid in the neighborhood – but then his bed was washed up on the sea and he’s now ashore a beautiful jungle island… and he’s already met the Beach Birds, and now he’s face to face with big 15ft hairy creatures – except for the shorter ones!

CLOSE: Well, at least we know who the creatures are now… they’re Razzleflabbins! But will Marvy be stuck on Razzleflabbin Island forever? Tune in again next time for more of our story – As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 03/04

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, we discovered that the Plaid Guy – who all of the Razzleflabbins were terrified of, was actually not a bad guy at all… he was just different! They’ve all made friends now, and he’s even been invited to the Razzleflabbin Barbecue!

CLOSE: Sounds like everyone is having a great time with their new friend, the Plaid Guy… but what about Marvy? He’s still stranded on Razzleflabbin Island! Will he ever get home? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Some people break into movies without even trying.

Police in North Andover, Massachusetts, accidentally interrupted a movie set thinking it was the site of a robbery attempt. Director John Depew said he was filming a scene at a convenience store when police officers suddenly stormed in. Two actors playing robbers were handcuffed by the officers. The confusion stemmed from a 911 call from an unidentified individual who said a robbery was taking place at the store.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER

10. Your favorite part of the newspaper is “25 Years Ago Today…”

9. You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.

8. The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

7. Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.

6. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

5. You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.

4. After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

3. Dialing long distance wears you out.

2. You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

1. The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Criminal Career Tip #432: after robbing a bank, do not go flashing the money around just a few doors away!

FILE #1: A bank robber stopped off on his way to getting away from a bank robbery a block from the bank, to buy a drink that he paid for by pulling a $50 bill from a ”bag bulging with large denominations,” according to police who were alerted when another store employee flagged them down.

FILE #2: This guy must be related to the guy in our first file. A bank robber was caught by police after giving in to his craving for a soda pop — and a new shirt. Joseph Magnotti was arrested in a Subway sandwich shop, a few minutes after a man wearing a bright red shirt robbed a nearby bank. Maybe Magnotti didn’t see the ‘No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service’ sign. He had shoes, but he wasn’t wearing a shirt when he entered Subway. He ordered a drink, and paid with a $50 bill — which he took from a bag bulging with large denominations. Magnotti then offered to buy an employee’s shirt for $20. Another store employee thought this was suspicious, went outside and flagged down a police officer who was passing by on a bicycle. He arrested Magnotti, now wearing a Subway shirt. Subway employee Shalandra Pitts said ‘We never had anybody want to buy a shirt before’.

FILE #3: A man has been threatened with jail for wearing shorts in court in Malta. Simon Chircop turned up wearing shorts and a T-shirt for a traffic matter at the court on the Mediterranean island. Magistrate Carol Peralta said he was showing disrespect and fined him £38. She said if he can’t pay the shorts fine he will go to jail. Chircop was also fined for driving without a valid license. He told the bench he did not have enough money to pay the fine for wearing shorts. The magistrate told him: “If you don’t pay the fine within the time prescribed by law, you will go to prison to make up for it.”

STRANGE LAW: In Wichita, KS it is illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

You won’t find this business listed on the mall directory.

Federal agents report they’ve busted up a pot growing operation in the Mall of the Americas in Miami. The hydroponic grow house was located deep in a storeroom at the mall. Agents say growers tapped into the mall’s power lines for electricity, but the amateur wiring could have caused a fire. No one was arrested, though 200 plants were seized. Authorities aren’t saying what tipped them to the mall marijuana.

PHONER PHUN

What creative things have you done to get your kids to try something new?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Which king consulted the witch of Endor (woman with a familiar spirit)?

ANSWER: King Saul (I Samuel 28:7)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What large U.S. city is named after a type of garlic?

ANSWER: Chicago. (Chicago got it’s name from the American Indian word for the wild garlic that grew around Lake Michigan – “chicagaoua”.)

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The baseball team that was the first in history to score 1000 runs in a 162-game season was the Indians. (True)

2. Jay Leno once made a guest appearance on “Laverne and Shirley”. (True)

3. In “Knight Rider”, K.I.T.T.’s name stands for Kill Industry Two Thousand. (False, Knight Industries Two Thousand)

4. The name of the robot girl on “Small Wonder” was Cindy Lou. (False, Vicki)

5. In “Family Ties” Alex P. Keaton’s idol was Jimmy Carter. (False – Richard Nixon)

6. The name of the Dukes of Hazzards car is the General Lee. (True)

7. More women claim to be natural redheads, although statistics prove otherwise. (True)

8. On “Three’s Company”, the name “Chrissy” is short for Christmas. (True)

9. The show, “Just the 10 Of Us” was a spinoff of Family Ties. (False, Growing Pains)

10. Tom Hanks played the Uncle on Family Ties. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

WOMAN FINDS GIANT _____ BUCKET (KFC)

Aleena Headrick says, “I was driving by, I saw this giant Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket in my yard, and I thought for sure I was hallucinating, so I called my teenagers who were at home and had them go outside.”

It appeared Thursday afternoon and she had no idea where it came from or who it belongs to. Maybe it’s a sign? We’ve heard of heavenly manna, but what about original recipe? Headrick says, “Too often we just need something to laugh about and so I put it on Facebook and told them that I would bring chicken to the next potluck.”

The bucket has already become a popular landmark. Headrick says people have been stopping to take pictures with it.

Freddie Taylor is Headrick’s landlord. He collects signs like this, and he says the bucket is quite a find. He says, “That bucket right there, if you notice it, it doesn’t say KFC. It says Kentucky Fried Chicken. That bucket’s probably forty years old.”

Taylor plans to have it mounted on a pole so it will be permanently displayed for all to see. But Headrick isn’t mad. She says it will make her house hard to miss. She says, “It’s unusual but it makes a really good landmark when people come to our house. We can just say, ‘Come down to the giant KFC bucket and turn right.’”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness.

Leaning close, one asked, “Sir, do you know what we’re doing right now?”

The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. “Oh,” he replied, “I’d say about 50, maybe 55.”

JOKE #2

After 50 years of wondering why he didn’t look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

“Yes, you were son,” his mother said as she started to cry softly . . . “but it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”

JOKE #3

“I see you went crazy at the big summer clearance sale,” Wanda comments, as she looks at all the bags of merchandise her friend, Carol just brought home from the store.  “You got that right … I almost bought their elevator ’cause it was marked down.”

USELESS FACTS

A half-hour of kissing reduces the body’s allergic reaction to pollen, according to Japanese researchers at Satou Hospital. How? Kissing relaxes the body and that reduces the production of histamine.  ***MARLAR: Question… how can you kiss for half an hour when you can’t breathe due to your pollen allergy?

A truck driver in Dyersburg, Tennessee, reports that his trailer containing 2,880 cases of the energy drink Red Bull, valued at $100,000, has been stolen. In Dyersburg, someone stole a trailer containing $100,000 worth of Kraft sauces. The trailer was found in Ohio, but all the sauce was gone.  ***MARLAR: Red Bull and Cheese Whiz… sounds like someone has pretty hefty weekend plans.

FEATURED FUNNIES

UTENSIL REJECTION

My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant.

When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.

“As an environmentalist,” she declared, “I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils.”

The waiter inspected her chopsticks.

“Very beautiful,” he said politely. “Ivory.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Can a dead person sue a hospital?  Well, not exactly. 

A Jackson Township, Indiana, woman is suing a hospital, claiming she is owed damages for the trouble she was caused when doctors pronounced another woman with the same name dead last winter. Diane Wright, 67, says Porter Hospital caused her to lose her Social Security and health insurance after they allegedly notified various agencies that she had died. In addition, the federal government sent a claim to Wright’s husband demanding repayment of nearly $3,000 in Social Security benefits paid to his “late” wife. The dearly departed was actually another Diane Wright, who died in January at Porter.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

BE BLESSED

The man whispered, “God, speak to me” and a meadowlark sang. But the man did not hear.
So the man yelled “God, speak to me” And, the thunder rolled across the sky. But the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said, “God let me see you.” And a star shined brightly. But the man did not notice.
And, the man shouted, “God show me a miracle” And, a life was born. But the man did not know.
So, the man cried out in despair, “Touch me God, and let me know you are here,” whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.
Don’t miss out on a blessing because it isn’t packaged the way that you expect.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

FOR THE POOR

READ: Deuteronomy 15:7-11

Open your hand wide to your brother, to your poor and your needy, in your land. —Deuteronomy 15:11

he man sits on the street corner day after day, begging for money. He’s poor and desperate for a little cash to spend on food.

He’s not alone. More than one-half of the world’s people live below the internationally defined poverty line of less than $2.00 a day. Poverty and hunger are such a big problem in our world that it’s easy for us to feel helpless or to become hard-hearted and do nothing.

But God doesn’t close His eyes to the plight of the poor. When He gave His people guidelines for living, He included instructions on ways to care for the needy (Deut. 15:11). He told His people, “You shall not harden your heart, nor shut your hand, from your poor brother, [but] open your hand wide to him and willingly lend him sufficient for his need” (vv.7-8).

God also commanded His people not to glean the corners of their fields so that the less fortunate could gather food (Lev. 19:9-10). And Jesus showed His compassion for the poor by His words and actions. As Christians, we cannot ignore the plight of the poor today. Individuals and churches can join with Christian organizations working to combat poverty as they spread the Word. God has a heart for the poor. Do we? —Anne Cetas

The poor and needy everywhere
Are objects of God’s love and care,
But they will better know His care
As we seek ways that love to share.  —D. De Haan

God gives us all we need so we can give to those in need.

LEFTOVERS

Another reason to eat breakfast: Skipping it may increase your chances of a heart attack.  A study of older men found those who regularly skipped breakfast had a 27 percent higher risk of a heart attack than those who ate a morning meal. Why would skipping breakfast be a heart attack risk?  Experts aren’t certain, but here’s what they think: People who don’t eat breakfast are more likely to be hungrier later in the day and eat larger meals. Those meals mean the body must process a larger amount of calories in a shorter amount of time. That can spike sugar levels in the blood and perhaps lead to clogged arteries.

LIFE… LIVE IT

TEN SECRETS TO A STRESS-FREE PERSONAL LIFE

1. Create boundaries. Boundaries reflect what other people can or cannot do or say to you, for instance, “I am only able to listen to you when you speak calmly without shouting.” This will leave you feeling protected from hurtful situations.

2. Ask people to help you. Choose 3 things today that you can receive help with and ask for it. You will have less to cope with and get done, can stop being a hero who does it all and leave the other person feeling important with a sense of responsibility

3. Quiet your mind at least once a day. Concentrate on your breathing and let all of your thoughts go.

4. Explore and experience your feelings fully. For example, when you feel sad allow yourself to be sad rather than try to pick yourself up and pretend it doesn’t manner. It’s okay to feel sad, happy, frustrated…accepting your feelings rather than fighting them helps you to know where in your life to make changes and reduce stress.

5. Plan a fun activity every day. It can be for just 5 minutes or as long as you want such as watching a comedy, dancing, a water-pistol fight with friends…. You will have something to look forward to each day, keeping fun and balance in your life.

6. Communicate your feelings using the statement “I feel….” Such as, “I feel unimportant when you don’t telephone me during the day.” You will feel less conflict as you are owning your feelings and talking about the other person’s behavior, not them personally.

7. Write in your journal every day. Find a time that works best for you, maybe first thing in the morning or last thing at night and write about your thoughts, feelings, ideas, stressful situations…. You will safely explore and clarify your life and priorities, enabling you to make choices and to take action based on these.

8. Take time for yourself on a regular basis. Perhaps you might take a long bath, read, have quiet time alone or whatever feels good for you. You will feel good about yourself and more relaxed and energized to enjoy your life more fully.

9. Use the words “Would you…” when asking for things. For example, “Would you look after my plants while I am on holiday?” You are more likely to achieve a ‘yes’ as the other person is left feeling capable and having a choice rather than being told to what to do.

10. Show your appreciation. Every day tell someone that you appreciate them, “I appreciate the way you’ve supported me through this emotional time.” We all need to feel appreciated and showing appreciation to others will allow you to live in a more loving way.

JUST FOR FUN

Can you be banned from playing in Little League because you’re too good of a player?

Nine-year-old Jericho Scott can throw a baseball almost 40 mph, pretty impressive for a kid and apparently too impressive for the Youth Baseball League of New Haven in Connecticut. The League told Jericho he can no longer pitch on the league, but he took the mound last week anyway. The opposing team saw Jericho ready to play and forfeited the game. Officials said they plan on disbanding Jericho’s team and will put the players on other teams in the league. Coach Wilfred Vidro said, “How can you punish a kid for being too good?”

FUN LIST

WEIRDEST MOVIE TITLES OF ALL TIME

(According to oddee.com)

  • “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies” (1963)

  • “Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter” (1966)

  • “Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?” (1969)

  • “Eegah” (1962)

  • “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” (1964)

  • “The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini” (1966)

  • “Manos, the Hands of Fate” (1966)

  • “Sssssss” (1973)

  • “Phffft” (1954)

  • Rat Pfink a Boo Boo” (1966)

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SORRY, WE CAN’T GIVE YOU A LOAN BECAUSE YOU POKED TOO MANY PEOPLE

You’re already concerned about your credit score; one day you may also have to be concerned about your Facebook friends – because a few tech startups are using social data when determining whether to loan you money. One company checks out whether your Facebook friends list includes anyone who’s ever been late paying back a Lenddo loan, and, if so, how often you interact with that person.  ***MARLAR: Sorry – we can’t give you a loan because you’ve poked too many people!

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

How do you determine God’s will for your life? This may be the most important question confronting you as a Christian, for therein lies the key to obedience. You can hardly obey God if you are hazy about His leadership in your daily experience. But how can His divine purposes be known absolutely? Find out more about interpreting God’s will by downloading a free resources from Dr. James Dobson. Access your free copy at http://bit.ly/1A1WaWe.

If you are caring for someone with a disability, you might find this interesting.  Joni Tada’s husband Ken recently sat down with Ligonier Ministries to share his thoughts on caregiving for someone with a disability. As the husband of a quadriplegic, Ken is no stranger to working with disabilities. In fact, he has been helping Joni for nearly 30 years. Read more about Ken’s secrets to being a good caregiver… http://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/caregiving-a-cause-for-christ/

A new film about the life of Christ is being released as the world’s first feature-length virtual reality movie. According to Christian Today.com, a 40-minute preview of the film, which uses the latest technologies such as 360 degree footage, which gives the viewer the illusion of being in the movie, is to be screened at the Venice Film Festival early next month. Jesus VR – The Story of Christ is to be released this Christmas. The film has already been shot on location in Matera, Italy, in 360-degree 4K video. Producers promise a you-are-there VR experience for the entirety of Jesus’s life and death, from his baptism to the Sermon on the Mount, and from the Last Supper to his crucifixion.”  You can read more about this unique film at http://bit.ly/2bYY7mM.

These days there is an app for just about everything, including prayer. The web site Christian Today this week released a list of their top 5 daily prayer apps. They range from a prayer journal app that allows you to record prayer requests and set up a prayer diary for specific points to a prayer app from the Church of England that gives a complete liturgy and services for morning, evening and night time prayer.  Read about all five of their suggested apps at http://bit.ly/2binDNN.

A 2-year-old North Texas boy with a disease that makes walking a challenge has a free brand-new, custom-made walker thanks to the generosity of some Home Depot employees. According to Fox News, Workers at the Home Depot in North Richland Hills, Texas spent two days crafting a walker for Silus, a 2 year old with a disease that leaves him blind and with low muscle tone. They add that has pieces that extend so, as Silus grows, the walker can grow with him.

http://ow.ly/9j5A303tqyc

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I was at Taco Bell last night and I heard this woman in front of me ordering. She asked the kid behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 02, 2016…

(New Opening Date) Equity—Anna Gunn wants to get a job in a top-notch investment film, but finds back-stabbing and bad investments, instead. Things start to happen when she starts looking at the workings of the corporation. Also in the cast is Alysia Reiner. “Equity” is rated PG 13. No rating.

The 9th Life Of Louis Drax—This is an unusual thriller about a child (Aiden Longworth) who keeps having accidents and the doctor (Jamie Dorman from “Shades of Gray”) who tries to help him. Also in the cast are Oliver Platt and Molly Parker. “The 9th Life of Louis Drax” is rated PG 13. No rating.

The Light Between Oceans—Based on the novel by M. L. Stedman, this plot concerns an Australian lighthouse keeper (Michael Fassbinder) and his wife (Alicia Vikander) who find a stranded baby on the beach and adopt her.  Years later, another woman, Rachel Weisz, enters their life. “The Light Between Oceans “ (bring hankie) is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

SEPTEMBER 09, 2016…

When The Bough Breaks is about what goes wrong when a couple contact a surrogate mother. Stars Morris Chestnut.

Sully has Tom Hanks as the famous airline pilot who brought his plane down in the Hudson River and made international headlines.

Before I Wake is a supernatural film about a little boy who is afraid to fall asleep. Stars Jacob Tremblay and Kate Bosworth.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.