September 04, 2015: Friday ONAIRprep


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“The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you.”   –Philippians 4:9


In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? –Psalm 56:4


This is what the Lord says — your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” — Isaiah 48:17




Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints. — Philemon 1:7


Thought: Wouldn’t this description of Philemon be a great one to have said about you! To be loved, supported, and encouraged by an encourager is to have your heart refreshed and your attitude lifted. Let’s make a commitment to be an “encourager” who refreshes the hearts of those around us this week.


Prayer: Tender and loving God, thank you for leading the people into my life who have encouraged me when I most needed it. Please give me the eyes to see and the heart to serve those around me who desperately need my encouragement. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Daniel 9:4 NIV = I prayed to the LORD my God and confessed: “O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with all who love him and obey his commands,




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


WORLD ANTI-TWERKING DAY. ***MARLAR: Okay, so it’s not a real holiday – but don’t you think it should be?


FALLING CIRCUS DAY. In 1827 a circus went over Niagara Falls. Bankrupt owners charged 8,000 people 50¢ each to watch bears, tigers, buffalos, monkeys, wagons, everything go over the falls. ***MARLAR: Obviously before the creation of PETA.


EAT AN EXTRA DESSERT DAY.  Every week, Americans eat an average of 3 desserts, with 85% indulging in dessert at least once a week. 59% of Americans eat dinner just to order dessert, while 33% say they crave desserts more than 4 times a day.  ***MARLAR: How do you crave desserts more than 4 times a day, yet only eat an average of three each week? You’ll never become a bigger person living like that.


Today is EDSEL DAY, commemorating September 4, 1957, when Ford Motor Company introduced its infamous $350-million disaster car.  It’s considered a classic now and is sought after by collectors.  ***MARLAR: We’re hoping history will eventually vindicate my radio show as well.


Today is GILLIGAN’S ISLAND DAY. In 1964 “Gilligan’s Island” premiered on CBS-TV. The cast was stranded for three full seasons and 98 episodes. (





Bring Your Manners To Work Day

Cow Chip Throwing Days

National College Colors Day

Hug Your Boss Day

National Lazy Boss Day

National Wildlife Day

Newspaper Carrier Day





Cow Chip Throwing Days

Bacon Day

Be Late For Something Day

Franchise Appreciation Day

International Day of Charity

Jury Rights Day

National Buffalo Chicken Wings Days

National Writing Date Day

Pet Rock Day



National Buffalo Chicken Wings Days



Google Commemoration Day

Great Bathtub Race

Grandma Moses Day

Labor Day

National Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day

“Neither Snow Nor Rain” Day

Salami Day



Another Look Unlimited Day

International Literacy Day

Pardon Day

Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Nurses Day

Virgin Mary Day

World Physical Therapy Day



Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day

Wonderful Weirdoes Day



Swap Ideas Day

World Suicide Prevention Day



Banana Day

Libraries Remember Day

National Day of Service and Remembrance

Patriot Day

Remember Freedom Day

Stand Up To Cancer Day




1827: A circus went over Niagara Falls. Bankrupt owners charged 8,000 people 50¢ each to watch bears, tigers, buffaloes, monkeys, wagons, everything go over the falls.


1882: Thomas Edison flipped a switch to turn on 400 light bulbs in offices on Spruce, Wall, Nassau, and Pearl streets in New York’s lower Manhattan, the world’s first electric lighting. Edison had demonstrated his first incandescent lamp only three years earlier.


1888: Kodak patented the world’s first roll-film camera.


1952: Gladys Knight & the Pips were formed following the 10th birthday party for Bubba Knight. Gladys was eight and had already won “Ted Mack’s Original Amateur Hour,” but since brother Bubba was older, he became the unofficial leader of the group.


1953: The New York Yankees became the first baseball team to win five consecutive American League championships.


1960: Larry Verne’s “(Please) Mr. Custer, (I Don’t Want to Go), debuted on the Billboard Hot 100. Verne had never sung before, but he worked across the hall from the song writing team. The spoof hit #1.


1962: John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr recorded together for the first time at EMI’s St. John’s Wood Studio 2 in England. They rehearsed six numbers all day and recorded “Love Me Do” and “P.S. I Love You” that evening. “Love Me Do” was right on the 17th take. “P.S. I Love You” would be re-recorded a week later with Andy White on drums and Ringo playing maracas.


1964: “Gilligan’s Island” premiered on CBS-TV. The cast was stranded for three full seasons and 98 episodes. Bob Denver was Gilligan, Alan Hale Jr. played the Skipper. A Saturday cartoon version lasted three more seasons on ABC. (



1968: The Rolling Stones’ single “Street Fighting Man” was banned in Chicago for fear it might incite rioting.


1972: U.S. swimmer Mark Spitz became the first athlete to win seven Olympic gold medals.


1973: Singer Charlie Rich was awarded a gold record for “Behind Closed Doors.”


1982: 8,659 British dancers formed history’s longest conga line near London.


1986: After just getting his license back after a five-year suspension, rocker Greg Allman was arrested in Florida for drunk driving.


1991: Singer Dottie West died from injuries suffered in an auto crash after catching a ride with a stranger when her car had stalled. Her biggest hits: “Here Comes My Baby” and “Country Sunshine.”


1993: New York Yankee Jim Abbott pitched a no-hitter against Cleveland and won 4-0. Abbott was born without a right hand.


2002: Texas cocktail waitress and aspiring pop star Kelly Clarkson was voted the first “American Idol” on the Fox TV series.


2002: A new Viennese ensemble debuted playing instruments made from vegetables. The Vienna Vegetable Orchestra played classical and jazz pieces on carved-out carrots, cucumbers, green peppers, and pumpkins. They came up with the idea after studying the sounds of vegetables being chopped.


2002: Singer Kelly Clarkson was voted the first “American Idol” on the Fox TV series.


2005: New Orleans completed evacuation of Hurricane Katrina survivors from the Superdome and convention center — 42,000 in one day. There still were 2,000 at the airport and another 1,000 trapped in attics of flooded buildings.




(None today)




  • Actress (Say Anything, Wayne’s World, Fever Pitch) Ione Skye 44
  • actor (Punchline, The Last Boy Scout, Major Payne, Blankman) Damon Wayans 55
  • actress (Flags of our Fathers, Mystery Alaska, A Life Less Ordinary, The Devil’s Advocate) Judith Ivey 67
  • actress (South Pacific) Mitzi Gaynor 84




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1892 : Darius Milhaud

1940 : Sonny Charles

1942 : Merald Knight (Gladys Knight & The Pips)

1952 : Martin Chamber (The Pretenders)

1960 : Kim Thayil (Soundgarden)

1980 : Dan Miller (O-Town)

1982 : Beyoncé Knowles




Why did children’s book author Theodor Geisel change his name to Dr. Seuss?

Well he couldn’t call himself Dr. Spock, for obvious reasons. Nobody would believe he was Dr. Louis Pasteur. Nurse Seuss didn’t quite do it. And Dr. Zeus sounded a bit presumptuous. Believe it or not, the widely beloved children’s book author needed a quick name change because of some trouble he got into in college during prohibition. He was the editor of Dartmouth college’s humor magazine when a room check turned up a bottle of the prohibited stuff in his quarters. The Grinch in charge of the place decreed that he be booted from the magazine as punishment. Outwitting the authorities, the young man took his middle name, Seuss, as his last name and stayed on the publication. In later life he promoted himself to “Dr.,” a title that Dartmouth confirmed on him officially with an honorary doctorate in 1957. Guess they never found out about his secret identity.

Source: JUST CURIOUS JEEVES by Jack Mingo and Erin Barrett




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A request from the Sidewalk Prophets Ben McDonald during the bands stop in Houston this week; he tweeted: Texas, can someone turn down the heat for a day? Thanks.


Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard says the travel is hard but the response from the band’s fans makes it all worth while. This week Jon tweeted: three years ago when we took a chance on a “new” Hawk Nelson, we weren’t sure what would happen. This summer you made us very glad we took the risk. During his second layover in the same day at the Atlanta airport Jon shared: Truly – travel to summer shows is hard. No rest, no privacy, no stoppin. But the way you all loved on us this summer made it so so worth it!


Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey didn’t let his location stop him from enjoying a cup of his favorite blend of coffee. He shared a picture at the airport Starbucks as he ground and brewed a cup of coffee from beans he had with him. Mike tweeted: I might have just made my own coffee at an airport Starbucks. And I’m not even embarrassed about it.


Jonny Diaz had this to say about his new song, “Breathe”: I pray God uses it to remind people to “lay down what’s good and find what’s best”.


Love and The Outcome’s Chris and Jodi were doing something special this week. The couple recently announced that they are expecting their first baby and they were in the studio this week writing what they called: a tear jerker to our little peanut.


Love and The Outcome tweeted at 3:16PM this week: It’s coffee o’clock. Am I right?!


Natalie Grant says being a fighter, both in prayer and in exercise, means never giving up. She says you can’t get the prize without the process.




Lost Australian sheep yields 30 sweaters worth of fleece    photo
CANBERRA, Australia (AP) — A lost, overgrown sheep found in Australian scrubland was shorn for perhaps the first time on Thursday, yielding 40 kilograms (89 pounds) of wool — the equivalent of 30 sweaters — and shedding almost half his body weight. Tammy Ven Dange, chief executive…


Connecticut Gov. Malloy is photobombed by beluga whale    photo
MYSTIC, Conn. (AP) — Connecticut Gov. Dannel P. Malloy has found himself upstaged by a beluga whale during a tourism news conference at the Mystic Aquarium. Malloy was standing in front of the Alaskan Coast exhibit Wednesday touting an increase in summer tourism in Connecticut when a whale…
Fox News anchor sues Hasbro over toy hamster with her name    photo
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — An anchor for Fox News is suing Hasbro for more than $5 million over a toy hamster that shares her name — and possibly even her resemblance. Harris Faulkner sued Hasbro this week over its plastic Harris Faulkner hamster, sold as part of the Pawtucket, Rhode…
Sasquatch sighting! Maine police say Bigfoot artist nabbed    photo
KENNEBUNK, Maine (AP) — Authorities have nabbed a man who’s accused of spray-painting images of Sasquatch on public property in Kennebunk, Maine. Police in the picturesque coastal town didn’t find the graffiti featuring Bigfoot all that amusing and charged 36-year-old Freeman Hatch with…
China enlists monkeys to keep birds from spoiling big parade    photo
BEIJING (AP) — China is leaning on the animal kingdom — including a squad of nest-wrecking monkeys — to ensure its military parade commemorating the end of World War II goes smoothly. To minimize the chances of birds striking engines during the many airplane flyovers connected to…
Police: Man huffed keyboard spray after crash as cop watched
TOPSHAM, Maine (AP) — Police say a Maine man crashed his SUV into a guardrail on an interstate and then inhaled computer keyboard cleaner in front of the officer who pulled him over. Topsham Sgt. Robert Ramsay tells the Portland Press Herald ( that 44-year-old John Yates…
Senator with son named McKinley decries mountain name change
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — A state senator who named his son McKinley after North America’s tallest mountain peak isn’t too pleased with the president’s decision to change its name back to Denali. Sen. L. Scott Frantz, a Greenwich Republican and avid climber, says four of his children are named…
Las Vegas’ new ad campaign pushes ‘sexy’ watering habits
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Another part of the drought-ridden West is attempting to make water conservation sexy, this time with funny ads in Las Vegas. The Southern Nevada Water Authority this week launched a campaign on television, radio, print and social media themed: “There’s Nothing Sexier Than…
NY court refuses to hear appeals in chimp personhood case
ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — An animal rights group seeking legal personhood for chimpanzees won’t get a hearing in the state’s highest court. The Court of Appeals, without comment Tuesday, declined to hear the appeals by The Nonhuman Rights Project on behalf of Kiko and Tommy. Lower courts had…
Lost Australian sheep yields 30 sweaters worth of fleece    photo
CANBERRA, Australia (AP) — A lost, overgrown sheep found in Australian scrubland was shorn for perhaps the first time on Thursday, yielding 40 kilograms (89 pounds) of wool — the equivalent of 30 sweaters — and shedding almost half his body weight. Tammy Ven Dange, chief executive…
Baby girl delivered in back of Uber car by Lincoln Tunnel
NEW YORK (AP) — Officials say a baby girl was successfully delivered in the backseat of an Uber car parked at the mouth of the Lincoln Tunnel. The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which operates the tunnel, says the birthing process began around 5:15 p.m. Monday while the baby’s…





A bold move to save a man’s hand: Tucking it into his tummy    photo
Casey Reyes struggled for a way to explain the “sci-fi” surgery doctors were proposing to save her 87-year-old grandfather’s badly burned hand. “They’re gonna put your hand inside your stomach, kind of like a hoodie,” she told him. Frank Reyes agreed to the strange operation at Houston Methodist…


2 cases of polio found in Ukraine, caused by mutated virus
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says officials have found two children stricken by polio in Ukraine, the country’s first cases of the paralytic disease in nine years. Health officials had warned Ukraine was at high risk of a polio outbreak due to its low vaccination rates; only…
House Judiciary panel sets first Planned Parenthood hearing
WASHINGTON (AP) — The House Judiciary Committee will hold Congress’ first hearing on the Planned Parenthood videos next Wednesday. And the title they’re using leaves little doubt about where majority Republicans stand on the issue. The panel said next week’s session will be the first of…
Watchdog: 900,000 vets may have pending health care requests
WASHINGTON (AP) — Nearly 900,000 military veterans have officially pending applications for health care from the Department of Veterans Affairs, the department’s inspector general said Wednesday, but “serious” problems with enrollment data make it impossible to determine how many veterans…
Legionnaires’ outbreaks not unusual in summer & early fall    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Legionnaires’ disease has been reported in a handful of states this summer, leading to 19 deaths and more than 100 illnesses. The unrelated cases are part of a typical pattern seen with a disease that tends to appear in warm weather and is mostly dangerous for people who…
Approaching health law tax is not just a levy on luxury    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The last major piece of President Barack Obama’s health care law could raise costs for thrifty consumers as well as large corporations and union members when it takes effect in 2018. The so-called Cadillac tax was meant to discourage extravagant coverage. Critics say it’s a…
Young at heart? Not most Americans, government report says    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Your heart might be older than you are. A new government report suggests age is just a number — and perhaps not a very telling one when it comes to your risk of heart attack or stroke. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report takes a new approach to try to…
Obese at 50? Midlife weight may affect when Alzheimer’s hits    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — One more reason to watch the waistline: New research says people’s weight in middle age may influence not just whether they go on to develop Alzheimer’s disease, but when. Obesity in midlife has long been suspected of increasing the risk of Alzheimer’s. Researchers at the…
FDA issues warning letters to powdered caffeine distributors
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration has issued warning letters to five distributors of pure powdered caffeine, saying the products put consumers at risk. The letters, which are dated Aug. 27, follow the overdose deaths last year of two young men from Ohio and Georgia….
A racial gap in kidney transplants closes but work remains
CHICAGO (AP) — A racial gap in kidney transplants appears to have closed, a 13-year study found. Rates of such transplants among white patients used to far surpass those in blacks, but U.S. data on nearly 200,000 end-stage kidney disease patients shows that disparity had disappeared by 2010….
Experts to investigate new Ebola case in north Sierra Leone
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Ebola experts are in Sierra Leone’s Kambia district investigating a case that emerged less than a week after the country’s last known patient was discharged from a hospital, a World Health Organization spokeswoman said Monday. Once the source of transmission is…





(None on the weekends)



A 40-year-old St. Louis woman says she isn’t dead and has spent months trying to convince credit reporting agencies that she’s alive. Alexandria Goree is suing Experian, TransUnion and Equifax over the glitch, contending that because they thought she was dead, it was difficult to get loans or a new home.  *** Isn’t this kind of a blessing in disguise?  I mean, if they refuse to believe you’re alive – why pay your bills at all?


Joke thieves beware: Twitter seems to be cracking down on plagiarism. In a freewheeling universe home to millions of spambots, fake celebrities and trolls, it’s no surprise that many Twitter accounts habitually steal short quips to rack up followers. But now the social network is erasing and hiding a number of tweets reported as stolen.  ***Just so you know, “Thou shalt not steal” counts even if it’s only 140 characters at a time.


According to the Pew Research Center, nearly 80 percent of American don’t trust big government.  *** And it cost how much to determine what we already knew…?


A Florida tourist attraction worker was attacked by an alligator while on the job last week. Sergio Hernandez was bitten by the gator while removing hyacinths from a pond at Forever Florida, a zipline and “eco-tourism attraction.” The reptile is said to have taken “a chunk” out of Hernandez’s leg.  *** So, nobody thought it might be a bad idea to have people go zip lining over alligators that attack people?  Oh ,wait… this is Florida.  Never mind – that explains it.




Is your computer affecting your relationship? According to a survey (by two out of every five U.S. Adults who reported having a computer also reported having computer-related issues in their relationship. The biggest computer-related complaint in their relationship was that their partner was spending too much time ‘plugged in’.  ***MARLAR: Tell me about it.  My wife and I had a huge, knock-down, drag-out argument over this very issue the other night when we were texting each other.


Apparently Daylight Saving Time is not only not working, it may be backfiring on us.  Turning the clocks forward for Spring was supposed to save us energy; instead, the extra sunshine encourages drivers to get out and use more fuel. Also, the change requires people to get up when it is still dark and turn on the lights.  ***MARLAR: It might’ve worked if we’d used dim bulbs – like the ones in Congress.


When men complain of the symptoms of pregnancy, it is often called “phantom pregnancy”. But there may be more to it than we think. As many as 65 percent of expectant fathers report experiencing at least one “symptom” of pregnancy, studies show; more than 20 percent of expectant dads actually sought medical care because of it.  ***MARLAR: The worst part is when Dad’s water breaks.


Research has shown that the most likely place for lost airline luggage to turn up is the Egyptian capital of Cairo.  Other popular destinations for missing baggage include Amsterdam and Bangkok towards the top of the list, followed by Spain, the United States and Germany.  ***MARLAR: How unfair is it that your luggage gets a more exotic vacation than you?












OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffelson, in order to avoid having to work, nailed the Razzleflabbins’ calendar clock hands so they’d stay on Saturday. But now it’s been Saturday for several days… and there’s nothing left to eat on the entire jungle except bread and water!


CLOSE: Will Marvy ever fess up to the truth that it’s actually HIS fault? Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals had gathered together to go on a picnic. But Gruffy Bear, seeing the potential for this to be one of the best – if not THE best – picnics ever, had decided that the picnic won’t begin until they find the absolutely perfect picnic spot!


CLOSE: Boy, Gruffy really is being picky! Maybe they’ll find the perfect picnic spot next time… As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




What happens when the gene pool meets the job pool? A Moment of Duh happens!

In Britain, a man was applying for a position with a security firm. When the interviewer asked the man to produce identification, the only document the 24year-old had with his name and address on it was an arrest warrant from police notifying the man to turn himself in. He handed it to the interviewer, who called police.





TV Guide’s senior writer Damian Holbrook, in all his wisdom, names the top 10 TV pilots of all time:

  1. “Lost” (2004) Forget that we still have no idea why the hell Flight 815 went down. From the moment Kate started sewing up Jack’s injuries, we were sucked in like that dude who got too close to the engine. Plus, anything that can introduce one of TV’s loopiest mythologies and Josh Holloway is totally worth a $12 million budget.
  2. “24” (2001) Real time was a real turn-on when Jack Bauer got to work cracking bratty Kim’s disappearance, the threat of Senator Palmer’s like, and a shocking final-moments airline explosion that only hinted at how bananas Bauer’s day was about to get. Probably would have called in sick had he known.
  3. “The Shield” (2002) Who knew the Commish was such a badass?! Michael Chiklis practically scorched our corneas with his blazingly intense Det. Vic Mackey, the dirtiest Harry ever, in this profane, violent opener that took NYPD Blue’s idea of flawed cops to a corrupt new high. Or is that low? Either way, it was truly arresting.
  4. The Sopranos” (1999) Ducks. One word and we’re having a panic attack right along with Tony again. Filmed two years before HBO ever aired it, this Godfather-gone-neurotic series showed that mobsters are people, too, and gave us two wildly divergent ideas of family that were both utterly unfuhgeddable.
  5. “30 Rock” (2006) After a few tweaks and the swap out of Rachel Dratch for Jane Krakowski, Tina Fey’s second pass at her hit’s opener deftly nailed the bizarre world that is sketch TV, while flipping a major bird at corporate-network synergy. Comedy is rarely this smart, accessible or, well, Rock solid.
  6. “Football Wives” (2007) James Van Der Beek, Eddie Cibrian, Lucy Lawless and Gabrielle Union in an American version of the Brit soap about jocks and the women who, um, support them. Hot, right? Too bad ABC dropped the ball by not picking these Wives up, ’cause they would have scored big time.
  7. “Desperate Housewives” (2004) With a mix of soapy goodness and comedy darker than the garb at Mary Alice’s funeral, our Wisterian wonders somehow made bad parenting and suburban dysfunction as delicious as Bree’s muffins. Maybe it was the fierce cast. Or the fact that none of them actually looked like our real neighbors.
  8. “Saturday Night Live” (1975) Live from New York, it’s the one that started it all! Hosted by George Carlin, the late-nighter – then called NBC’s Saturday Night – felt cheap and unpolished, but with Andy Kaufman’s Mighty Mouse bit and the nascent Not Ready for Prime Time Players, it was clear that we were seeing subversive greatness take shape before our not-so-sleepy eyes.
  9. “ER” (1994) Marcus Welby officially left the building after these frenetic medics crashed through the doors of County General with about 1,000 ccs of realism and George Clooney on the verge of breakout stardom. When those EMTs rolled in suicidal nurse Carol Hathaway, we almost flatlined.
  10. “Alias’ (2001) While there is little in this world cooler than Jennifer Garner in that red wig, what really blew us away was the adrenalized action, the coed-turned-spy’s emotional complexity and the arsenal of twists creator J.J. Abrams packed into over an hour of commercial-free mayhem. Like Sydney, this one kicks butt.




Many crooks have been jailed thanks to so-called ‘three strikes’ laws, but few have managed to rack up those three strikes in one day.


FILE #1: …However, an obviously hapless Bosnian thief identified only as Fehim managed to turn the trifecta. First, the 44-year-old was caught breaking into a car and taken to a police station. He was released after giving a statement but was back a few hours later after causing a car accident in another stolen vehicle. Once again he was released. After two more failed car thefts, Fehim tried his hand at home burglary, but was caught as he broke into an apartment. This time they put him behind bars for safe keeping.


FILE #2: Diane Haunfelder, 29, was charged with theft in Waukesha, Wis., in January after her 7-year-old son ratted her out as having directed him to shoplift a CD player and a camera from a Wal-Mart. However, according to authorities, Haunfelder claimed she was actually performing a public service by setting the boy up to get caught so that he would learn the consequences of crime: “I picked out the most expensive (items) so he’d get in trouble.”


FILE #3: Clever police in Florida are using the current economic downturn to help catch wanted criminals. The Fort Lauderdale Police Department set up a little scam they called “Operation Show Me the Money” and, using the name of the fictitious “South Florida Stimulus Coalition,” mailed letters to folks with outstanding arrest warrants telling them there was a government stimulus check waiting for them. The letters told the suspects to call a special phone number to make appointments to claim their money. 76 people did and were all arrested when they showed up for their checks. Police said such roundups are safer and more efficient than serving warrants at people’s homes. Police Sergeant Frank Sousa, who spearheaded the operation, declined to say how much money the suspects were offered but did say, “They were not large dollar amounts. No one was promised thousands of dollars.” (Reuters)


STRANGE LAW: Fowl, roosters to be specific, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.




A ton of pot has gone up in smoke… 

… and now, federal authorities are trying to figure out who stored two-thousand pounds of marijuana in a south Texas warehouse. It took more than 35 firefighters about a-half hour to put out the blaze. But now those firefighters have a bit of a problem.  Edinburg Fire Chief Shawn Snider says his fire crews were exposed to so much marijuana smoke — they wouldn’t be able to pass a drug test.  ***MARLAR: And they’ve also blown the fire department’s entire grocery budget for the year due to a severe case of the munchies.




It’s Gilligan’s Island Day! If you were asked to pick the actors and actresses to play the seven castaways for a big budget movie version of the TV show, who would you choose for the various characters?




QUESTION: Where does the Bible suggest that too much study is hard on the body?

ANSWER: Ecclesiastes




QUESTION: John the Baptist ate locusts – were they less meaty, or more meaty than beef?

ANSWER: Less meaty – but pound for pound, locusts contain 30 percent more protein than a T-bone steak.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. The official state fish of Georgia is the smallmouth bass. (False -largemouth bass, designated in 1970)


  1. Research has shown that ginger is more effective than Dramamine in combating motion sickness. (True)


  1. The first soda pop made in the U.S. was Dr. Pepper. (False – Vernor’s Ginger Ale, created in Detroit, Michigan in 1866 by James Vernor. He sold it in his drug store for 30 years before opening a factory to produce it on a larger scale.)


  1. Toward the end of the fifteenth century, men’s shoes had a square tip, like a duck’s beak, because of a man having six toes. (True. It was a fashion launched by Charles VIII of France to hide the imperfection of one of his feet, which had six toes.)


  1. The Academy Awards were first broadcast in color in 1960. (False – 1966)


  1. Mozart never went to school. (True)


  1. Willard Scott was the first Ronald McDonald. (True)


  1. A group of geese on the ground is a “gaggle,” a group of geese in the air is a “google.” (False – a “skein”)


  1. A jogger’s heel strikes the ground about 1,500 times per mile. (True)


  1. Caterpillars have over 4,000 muscles. (True – humans have only 639)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Pepsi Delivery Guy Punches __________” (COKE DELIVERY GUY)

Apparently the cola wars are alive and well! After some mild bickering during a delivery at a Wal-Mart in Indiana County, Pennsylvania, police report that a Pepsi Cola route driver allegedly punched a Coca-Cola route driver repeatedly in the face. No drivers from RC Cola were reported at the scene.






While ferrying workers back and forth from an offshore oil rig the helicopter lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in the lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest, and jerked open the exit door. “Don’t jump!” the pilot yelled. “This thing is supposed to float!”
As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, “Yeah? Well it’s supposed to FLY too!”




When the office printer’s type began to grow faint, the office manager called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he said, the manager might try reading the printer’s manual and doing the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”




A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out.

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, “Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”




McDonald’s Big Mac turned 48 last month.  ***MARLAR: And it’s still under the original warmers.


A judge in New Zealand ordered a man who called police officers ‘pigs’ to spend a day at a pig farm and then write an essay about the difference between pigs and police officers.  ***MARLAR: I am SO glad I am not this guy.  I look for jokes in everything, and if you tell me I have to write an essay pointing out the differences between pigs and police officers, I can guarantee you the essay is going to get me into trouble all over again.





Staff: May I help you?

Caller: What are your green fees?

Staff: 38 dollars.

Caller: Does that include golf?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this your correct phone number?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What’s the weather going to be like that day?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I’m running late. Can you still get me out early?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy

a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?

Staff: You mean a driving range?

Caller: No, that’s not it.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, I’d like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o’clock and noon.

Staff: Between 12 o’clock and noon?

Caller: Yes.

Staff: We’ll try to squeeze you in.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o’clock?

Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.

Caller: What’s the next time after that?

Staff: We have one at 10:22.

Caller: We’ll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: How much to play golf today?

Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart.

Caller: 38 dollars?

Staff: No, 38 yen.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?

Staff: What time would you like?

Caller: What times do you have?

Staff: What time of the day?

Caller: Any time.

Staff: Morning or afternoon?

Caller: Whenever.

Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?

Caller: No, I don’t think any of those times will work for me.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Do you have a dress code?

Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.

Caller: How about clothes?

Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?

Staff: Yes.

Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls?

Staff: Sorry, we’re all out of large balls. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?

Staff: Sure, what time would you like?

Caller: Something between 9 o’clock and 10 o’clock. In the morning, if possible.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there?

Staff: Yes, they’re 25 dollars.

Caller: How much to rent a bag?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he’s on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?

Staff: Yes.

Caller: How much for a large bucket?

Staff: Four dollars.

Caller: Does that include the balls?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?

Staff: Yes, it’s 15 dollars after 2 o’clock.

Caller: And what time does that start?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, I’d like some info about your golf course.

Staff: OK, what would you like to know?

Caller: I don’t know, that’s why I called.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?




A little monkey-business has been going on at a safari park in Scotland. People have been receiving prank phone calls… from a chimpanzee!
Would it surprise you to know that a chimpanzee was making prank phone calls to zoo personnel? It’s true! The Blair Drummond Safari Park in central Scotland was inundated with visitors curious to see “Chippy,” who stole a mobile phone and quickly learned to use it. The chimpanzee apparently picked the pocket of one of the zoo workers who was cleaning his cage. Suddenly, some of the wardens started getting mysterious phone calls the next morning…one worker heard the chimp’s shrieks and that’s when the Chippy was busted. Chippy, one of four chimpanzees at the park, dialed into the phone’s stored numbers and started making random calls. “He was a bit depressed when we took the phone away,” said the zookeeper. “But everybody comes in wanting to see him… I haven’t been able to do my work.”




I would rather be ashes than dust!

I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot.

I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.

The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I shall use my time.

–Jack London




“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit” –Proverbs 18:21
Words have the power to motivate or destroy, energize or deflate, inspire, or create despair. Many a successful executive can remember the time their father failed to give affirmation to them as a child. The result was either over achievement to prove their worth, or under achievement to prove he was right.
Many a wife has lost her ability to love because of a critical husband. Many a husband has left a marriage because of words of disrespect and ungratefulness. Stories abound to the power of words. There are just as many stories of those who have encouraged, challenged and comforted with words that made a difference in their life.

Jesus knew the power of words. He used parables to convey his principles of the Kingdom of God. He used words of forgiveness and mercy. He used words to challenge. He used words to inspire His disciples to miraculous faith.
Do your words give life? Do they inspire and challenge others to greatness? Who does God want you to encourage through your words today? Affirm someone close to you today.




Imagine what would happen if the President of the United States NEVER made an appearance . . . ever.

Well, that’s not normally the case. American presidential candidates need little encouragement to give a speech, even when they have nothing to say. That’s why it’s nothing short of amazing that America’s third president, Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Independence made no public appearances or speeches in his eight years in office other than to deliver his inaugural address to Congress. He even submitted his annual State of the Union message in writing. Hardly anyone ever saw the guy. ***MARLAR: Imagine what supermarket tabloid headlines could have done with that: ALIENS ABDUCT PRESIDENT: THREE-BRAINED MONSTER IN JEFFERSON MASK LIVING IN WHITE HOUSE!





Look at his home. Here’s what a man’s home says about him, according to relationship expert Nancilee Wydra:

  • Bar stools are for activities that require alertness. When positioned in the dining area, stools indicate meals are practical affairs meant to handle hunger, not socializing. Men who use stools in this manner are often unwilling to make long-lasting connections.
  • A messy bathroom tabs the homeowner as someone careless about personal hygiene. The bomb-gone-off look links a man to low self-esteem or an inability to nurture others.
  • Bed location offering a clear view of the bedroom door labels the man as a take-charge kind of guy likely to assume the responsibilities of a relationship. On the flip side, sleeping with an obstructed view of the doorway may indicate a fear of assuming responsibility.
  • Kitchen clutter reveals a man’s inability to carry through on good intentions. But a clean, tidy, well-stocked kitchen caters to men who have an easy time expressing their feelings.
  • Pets or Plants portray a man who enjoys life and all living things. He’s a nurturer who’s in tune to the needs of others.





Hey, it’s another story of how the IRS is ripping people off! This time, people in Minnesota are getting ripped off! You know that $600 check we all received a while back? Minnesotans only got $599.99! The IRS is ripping them off for a penny – those filthy scoundrels!

Be warned: Those IRS computers are fine-tuned. Philip Gallion, a retired Honeywell engineer living in Lake Shore, Minn., received his federal tax rebate recently. He was expecting $600. The check was for $599.99. “I thought maybe I had misread the stories about the refund,” he said. “Maybe there was a sliding scale. But a penny?” A few days later, he received a four-page letter from the IRS explaining that his rebate had been reduced to cover interest he owed on an underpayment of his 2000 taxes. Gallion called a telephone number provided in the letter. “It was the longest recorded message I’ve ever listened to,” he said. “I ate my whole breakfast waiting for a person to talk to.” When a person finally came on the line, she confirmed Gallion’s identity, then looked up his account records. “She said I made a calculation error of 46 cents,” he said. “She said they wrote it off, but the computer can’t write it off, so it generated a letter.” She wasn’t laughing, Gallion said. “It seemed like she had been answering questions like that for a while.”  ***MARLAR: And how much did it cost for them to send the letter?




YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF… you turn up the radio excitedly at the sound of dead air on your competitor’s station.


YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF… you have 37 unlabeled 15 minute cassettes in your back seat.


YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF… you listen to the radio “invertedly”, turning up the volume during promos, sweepers, and talk sets, and flipping to another station during music.


YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF… you drive around aimlessly looking for an unlit 4 tower array just to see it.


YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF… you swear at the competition while driving when you hear a song they beat you to.


YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF… you’ve ever heard of a “cart”.


YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF… you tell someone you plan to go to lunch “coming up next hour”.


YOU MIGHT BE IN RADIO IF… you have 125 unopened CDs you’ll never listen to but, never more than $3 cash.





To be “average” in America is to be a solid citizen, fun-loving, charming and human. That’s the conclusion reached by marketing consultant Kevin O’Keefe, who spent more than a year searching for the ultimate traits of the average American. His results are reported in his book, “The Average American: The Extraordinary Search For The Nation’s Most Ordinary Citizen.” Here are some of the facts and statistics that reportedly mark one as an average “Ordinary Joe”:

  • Tips the scales at between 135 and 205 pounds.  ***MARLAR: Hey, I’ve ABOVE average!
  • Is between the ages of 18 and 53
  • Lives within 20 minutes of a Wal-Mart and 3 miles of a McDonald’s restaurant
  • Can name the Three Stooges.  ***MARLAR: Careful – there were actually more than three!  In fact, there were a total of SIX!  Check it out:
  • Scarfs down ice cream once a month
  • Spends the majority of his time indoors
  • Resides in an owner-occupied home
  • Has direct access to one or two automobiles or other motorized vehicles
  • Routinely wears a seat belt
  • Goes to church at least once a month
  • Goes to bed before midnight
  • Drinks up the milk from his cereal bowl
  • Makes annual dental visits and uses dental floss on a non-set schedule
  • Has earned at least a high-school degree
  • Tosses out 100 pounds of food per year
  • Has an annual income in the range of $15,000 to $75,000
  • Spends 48 hours yearly shopping at the mall.  ***MARLAR: I am so BELOW average on this one!
  • Wears contact lenses or eyeglasses
  • Goes out to the movies annually
  • Agrees with the right to bear arms
  • Has fired a gun




(Mondays Only)




Is your day off to a rough start? At least it’s probably not as bad as this 12-year-old boy’s, who, during a visit to an art exhibition in Taiwan, tripped and fell into a $1.5 million painting. According to Relevant Magazine, while trying to catch himself, the youngster ended up poking a large hole in the canvas. The whole unfortunate episode was, of course, captured on a security camera. Fortunately though, the young art fan won’t be held responsible for the accident. According to the Focus Taiwan News Channel, the exhibition’s organizers plan on requesting that an insurance company pay to have the paining restored.


Everybody hates passwords. Between coming up with them, remembering them, and finally resetting them when we sheepishly admit we can’t remember them, they’re a total pain. But according to Time Magazine, the need for passwords may be coming to an end. Technology known as biometrics is slowly but surely replacing memorized passwords. With biometrics, your smartphone, computer, or even ATM could scan your fingerprint, eyes or entire face to recognize you’re who you say you are, granting you password-free access to your devices or bank accounts.


There will be an extra special show in the night sky this month when a rare supermoon lunar eclipse will occur for the first time since 1982. According to ABC News, The cosmic event will take place on the night of September 27 when two periodic events — supermoons and lunar eclipses — will happen at the same time. A supermoon occurs when a full moon happens when it is at the closest point in its elliptical orbit around Earth, making the full moon appear up to 14% larger and brighter than usual. A lunar eclipse occurs when the moon passes into Earth’s shadow, often turning a blood red color.




Yesterday after the show I had to pick up some stuff from the grocery store for Robin but I forgot the list and left my cell phone at home so I had to use the pay phone outside the grocery store. It was already being used, so I stood to the side and politely waited until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Two more minutes went by, and he still wasn’t talking. Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if he was alright. “I’ll be just a second,” he responded, covering the receiver. “I’m talking to my wife.”




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

A Fantasy about Productivity

It’s back! Fall football season. Lights were on at high school stadiums in our neighborhoods last Friday night. College teams kickoff this weekend. Pro players are getting ready for their final pre-season action, and those dreaded visits from a coach who asks members of that last group of cuts to “turn in your playbook.”
I love football season. But not as much as some. I don’t go to games, so obviously no tailgating. No big parties. Just a nice big screen will do with the ability to DVR the games I most want to watch.
To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I paid to see a sporting event. One, I can’t afford it! And two…being in media has offered me the blessing of free tickets courtesy of sports franchises, friends, or the radio station. And when sitting in the press box for games, they even feed you!
But get this: I even began passing up the great press box opportunity several years ago. That’s because there’s another cost to sporting events. Time. And more specifically for overly passionate sports-minded dads, time away from family.
I was sitting in the press box at a Pittsburgh Steelers game while my boys were in high school. They weren’t sports fans and there was only one press pass. So on several Sundays, I went. And left the family at home. Sometimes missing church in the process.
On that Sunday in Pittsburgh, my soul was jolted with the reality that I only had a few years left with my sons at home. And weekends were precious. And that ended my giving up Sundays and leaving family behind. Back then, I was videotaping games and watching them when we completed our family time.
My workplace blog today chooses to address another unfortunate cost from our love of sports: ripping off the company in our fantasy time. Okay, that is a bit aggressive — but look at the numbers.
This past week, Fox Business reported the estimates in company time taken up by those who play “fantasy football.” If correct, the nearly 60 million Americans and Canadians in this pretend world of sports could cost employers nearly $16 billion in lost wages. This number was generated from one of our Chicago consulting firms, Challenger, Gray, & Christmas. (Love that name.)
For those who don’t fantasize about football in this way, it’s defined as “a statistical game in which players compete against each other by managing groups of real players or position units selected from American football teams.” And according to the Fox article, “Fantasy players are expected to use one hour per week updating their rosters, making trades and checking injury reports at work.”
Now to be fair, plenty of sporting pools still exist. And there’s the annual March Madness bracketology competition consuming massive hours of employee time as well. Then we have the time in the break room — or wherever — where daily discussions focus on the great plays, the bad decisions of umpires, referees, and coaches, and where teams stand.
The twist that caught my attention in the story came from the CEO John Challenger of the aforementioned firm. Apparently, John is himself a fantasy football fan who belongs to multiple leagues! And his take is that this activity is a morale booster in the workplace and may increase productivity in the long run! Thus, employers should look the other way, adding, “It is impossible to reach full productivity.” Mull that over, dear business owner.
This is one of those business dilemmas that does not have a clear cut solution. Strict workplace legalists can argue (with some validity) that you are paid for work, not personal fun or chatter. Workplace realists know that if you remove all fun or non-work related personal discussions, on-the-job satisfaction drops.
Interesting, the Bible has a story about this kind of conflict. Two women who loved Jesus had him over a for a visit. One chose to sit at His feet and be blessed by His wisdom and his company. Her name was Mary. The other chose to be very busy with all the preparations. Her name was Martha. And she complained to Jesus about her sister’s insensitivity on the work that needed to be done.
Here is what she said: “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
And here is how Jesus replied, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42 / NLT) Best to think this one over.
Each employer must set their own guidelines for these kinds of workplace issues. And each employee owes it to their employer to respect those guidelines.
All work and no play, and Fantasy Football goes away. Here come the “boo birds.”
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


SEPTEMBER 02, 2015…


No Escape—Owen Wilson and family are transferred to the Middle East and before you know it, are in the middle of a military takeover. What to do and how to protect themselves. They don’t speak the language and are the hated Americans. Along comes Pierce Brosnan to help them. The cast includes Lake Bell. “No Escape” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.


*Note: Pan starring Hugh Jackman is now opening October 9



SEPTEMBER 04, 2015…


*Note: Moved from an earlier date: Jane Got A Gun—This western is set back in pioneer days and tells the story of Jane (Natalie Portman and she fought bad guys in “Star Wars“), who is married and lives on a nice, little ranch.  She catches the eye of the bad guy (Ewan McGregor) and he ends up wounding her husband. Jane needs help, so goes to an old boyfriend, Joel Edgerton, and then the battle begins. “Jane Got A Gun” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.


Kitchen Sink—As in…“everything but the kitchen sink.“ This is a horror comedy that stars Vanessa Hudgens.  A screamer, you think, well, sort of.  The premise is that of a small town where vampires, humans and zombies peacefully co-exist. Until….aliens invade from space. You read that right. Also in the cast is Ed Westerwek. “Kitchen Sink” is rated R. No rating.


Mistress America—Co-written by Greta Gerwig, who also stars, this film is a story of a sister and her half-sister. The younger one, Lola Kirke, is going to college, and the older sister (Gerwig) with unconventional ways, comes to visit. Also in the cast is Heather Lind. “Mistress America” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Transporter Refueled—Jason Statham is not with this film series now, so newcomer Ed Skrein, comes on as the “transporter” Frank Martin.  Skrein is an English rapper and beginning an acting career. A Transporter is someone paid to deliver an expensive item (which always meant trouble for Jason Statham.) Also in this cast are Ray Stevenson and Loan Chabanol. “Transporter Refueled” is rated R. No rating.



SEPTEMBER 09, 2015…


Time Out Of Mind stars Richard Gere as a man trying to reconcile with his daughter.



SEPTEMBER 11, 2015…


The Perfect Guy is about finding the right man and then, who is he, really? Stars Sanaa Lathan and Michael Ealy.


The Visit is a horror film from M. Night Shyamalan where children have dire adventures visiting grandparents. Stars Olivia DeJonge.


Sleeping With Other People was supposed to open August 20 and stars Jason Sudeikis

in a comedy about love.


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