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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160905
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Somebody refresh my memory. How many cars are allowed through an intersection after the light turns red? Is it two or four?
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. — Hebrews 6:10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. –2 Corinthians 12:9
What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you — guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. — 2 Timothy 1:13-14
Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. — Psalm 25:4-5
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do. Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. — 1 Corinthians 8:8-9
Thought: We have incredible freedom under grace. However, our freedom never gives us the license to destroy a weak brother or sister’s walk with the Lord. Let’s use our freedom considerately, especially toward our new brothers and sisters in Christ. These new Christians need our encouragement; they already have enough stumbling blocks!
Prayer: God of all grace, please help me to be an encouragement and a good example to new Christians and those who are weak in their faith. Please, help me guard my life from being a bad example to others. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Nehemiah 9:5 NIV = …“Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting.” “Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise.
TODAY IS MONDAY – SEPTEMBER 05, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 116 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is BE LATE FOR SOMETHING DAY, sponsored by the Procrastinators’ Club of America. ***MARLAR: Of course, they were supposed to send us this information last week.
Today is NATIONAL CHEESE PIZZA DAY.
Today is JURY RIGHTS DAY, marking the day in 1670 when William Penn’s jurors refused to convict him of preaching an illegal religion (Quakerism) to an unlawful assembly, his congregation. The action provided the bases for the U.S. Constitution’s first amendment rights of freedom of speech, religion, and peaceable assembly.
PLAY DAYS are this week, a time to lighten up and laugh at work to reaffirm our humanity and our sanity. ***MARLAR: So thanks for joining me!
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Newspaper Carrier Day
COMING UP NEXT
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 05
Be Late For Something Day
Great Bathtub Race
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 06
Another Look Unlimited Day
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 07
Google Commemoration Day
Grandma Moses Day
National Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day ***You’d think they could come up with a shorter name for a day dedicated to people with short attention spans.
“Neither Snow Nor Rain” Day
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 08
International Literacy Day
Virgin Mary Day (birthday)
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 09
Wonderful Weirdoes Day
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10
Farmer’s Consumer Awareness Day
International Drive Your Studebaker Day
National Hollerin’ Day
Swap Ideas Day
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11
Libraries Remember Day
Miss America Pageant
National Hug Your Hound Day
Remember Freedom Day
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 12
National Boss/Employee Exchange Day
Video Games Day
World Maritime Day
ON THIS DAY
1836: Sam Houston was elected president of the Republic of Texas.
1877: Oglala Sioux chief Crazy Horse was fatally bayoneted by a U.S. soldier after resisting confinement in a guardhouse at Fort Robinson, Neb. A year earlier, Crazy Horse had ridden with a group who defeated George Custer’s Seventh Cavalry at the Battle of Little Bighorn in Montana Territory.
1914: Babe Ruth hit his first professional home run for Providence in the International League. He also pitched a one-hit shut-out against Toronto.
1935: A new star emerged with release of the Hollywood western “Tumbling Tumbleweeds,” the first of 93 feature films starring Gene Autry. He also made 91 TV episodes and wrote hundreds of songs.
1939: The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II. It would later flip-flop.
1970: Christine McLaughlin was born at exactly 3:30 a.m. in New Bern, North Carolina. Her daughter, Patricia Ann, was born 21 years later, same date, same exact minute.
1987: After 30 years on television, Dick Clark’s American Bandstand was canceled. (audio clip)
1989: The world’s longest zipper was completed by the Yoshida company in Sneek, the Netherlands. It was 9,353 feet long and had 2,565,900 teeth.
1990: Linda Mae Walker of Pontiac, Michigan, finally won the custody battle in her divorce settlement and got legal custody of a 14-foot python. ***MARLAR: And you thought that YOUR children were clingy!
1990: Blues singer/guitarist B.B. King got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
1991: Actor John Travolta and actress Kelly Preston were married at midnight at the hotel De Crillon in Paris.
1992: Rocker John Mellencamp and model Elaine Irwin were married in a cabin near Seymour, Indiana, where John grew up.
1996: Research reported in The London Times showed 46% of dogs began watching up to an hour before their owners returned home each day, even when the owners worked irregular hours.
1997: Mother Teresa died of a heart attack in Calcutta, where she established her Missionaries of Charity order. She opened her first Calcutta slum school in 1949. She was 87.
1999: La-Z-Boy introduced its new Oasis recliner in Detroit. Designed for TV football fans, the tilt-back chair was equipped with a telephone, heat, a massager, and a cooler large enough to chill a six-pack. ***MARLAR: Hey, guess what I’m adding to my Christmas wish list!
2002: A Norwegian newspaper reporter sent to cover a car chase was shocked to find a hitch-hiker he picked up was the fugitive police were chasing. When the reporter stopped at a police road-block, the fugitive was arrested.
2003: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, speaking in Iraq, said “impressions” of mounting Iraqi violence were being created by negative news media coverage.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
actress (Paige Matthews on “Charmed”, Scream, Bio-Dome, Encino Man, Planet Terror) Rose McGowan 42 (audio clip)
actor (Batman, Beetlejuice, Mr. Mom, Multiplicity) Michael Keaton is 65
actress (One Million Years B.C., The Three Musketeers, Bandolero, Legally Blonde, Dianna Brock Rush on “Central Park West”) Raquel Welch 74
actor (Secretary of Defense James Heller on “24”, President Hayes on “Stargate SG-1”, Bernie Hobson on “Early Edition”) William Devane 79 (audio clip)
comedian/actor (“The Bob Newhart Show”, “Newhart”) Bob Newhart is 87 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1791 : Giacomo Meyerbeer
1912 : John Cage
1936 : Willie Woods (Junior Walker & The All Stars)
1941 : John Stewart (Kingston Trio)
1945 : Al Stewart
1946 : Dean Ford (Marmalade)
1946 : Buddy Miles (The Electric Flag, Band Of Gypsys)
1946 : Loudon Wainwright III
1949 : Dave Clempson (Humble Pie)
1966 : Terry Ellis (En Vogue)
1968 : Brad Wilk (Rage Against The Machine)
1969 : Dweezil Zappa
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How much hydrogen does the Sun fuse every second?
Every second, the Sun fuses about 700 million tons of hydrogen into helium. In the process, about five million tons of mass are converted directly into energy, which slowly makes its way out to the surface where it is radiated into space. The conversion takes place near the innermost core of the Sun where the temperature is almost 16 million degrees Celsius (28.8 million degrees F). There, the same reaction that powers hydrogen bombs keeps the Sun inflated, preventing it from collapsing. Our Sun has been burning hydrogen for more than four billion years, and it will keep doing so for several more billions of years. As a “main sequence” star its output is steady and predictable, which is good for life on its third planet.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Jamie Grace has been quiet recently but she says she has also been busy. Jamie posted: I’ve been traveling a ton and in the studio and some more exciting things. More from Jamie coming soon.
Casting Crowns Megan Garrett pointed out this week that peace is a fleeting thing. She posted: Well, homeschool on the front porch was nice and peaceful….until little brother found the water hose.
Randy Phillips of Phillips, Craig, and Dean presented a check for more than 70-thousand-dollars to Brooke Crowder last week. Brooke is the founder of The Refuge in Austin, Texas, a place where child survivors of sex trafficking can find safety and have access to the proper therapeutic services. Randy says the money was collected from the more than 300 churches that attended at the Austin Area Good Friday Service this past March 25th. https://twitter.com/RandyPCD/status/771393306165071872/photo/1
Having difficulty sleeping at night? Third Day’s David Carr feels your pain. He posted: The worst part about going to sleep is knowing I’ll be awake in the middle of the night with my mind racing. A solid 8 hrs would be amazing!
Steven Curtis Chapman is celebrating with his family. The long time Christian artist posted this week: I “pushed send” on final edits of my book to my publisher at 5 am this morn. My family is celebrating tonight! Between Heaven and the Real World is being called Steven’s memoir. It will release on March 7 of 2017.
Want to attend the GMA Dove Awards? Want a chance to “accidentally” photobomb a picture with Dove Awards Artists? The Gospel Music Association is looking for volunteers for the event that will take place at Nashville’s Allen Arena on Tuesday, October 11. To apply to Volunteer vist http://bit.ly/gmavolunteer.
Third Day is at a fork in the road. Guitarist Mark Lee wrote in a blog this week: We finished the tour with Steven and a few shows of our own. We’re winding down the recording of our next record. There’s a feel of “What’s next?”, that brings with it a sense of excitement as well as a little uncertainty. It’s been 25 years since the guys from Third Day held their first show Mark says: I was uncertain all those years ago about my circumstances, but I answered the call God was placing on my life. Likewise, my present circumstances might be a little different from the structure I’m used to, but I will do the same thing. I will follow after Jesus and answer his call.
Lauren Daigle now has a Gold album. It was announced last week that Daigle’s debut album, How Can It Be, has officially sold more than a half million copies. The album logged more than five weeks at #1 on Billboard’s Top Christian Albums chart, positioning her as the fastest-selling new artist in Contemporary Christian music in the past decade.
Ryan Stevenson was celebrating Aluminum status last week. The designation means his song Eye of the Storm has sold more than 100,000 copies. It’s not bad for an artist that was virtually unknown just a few months ago. Ryan posted: So incredibly thankful for the support & impact this song is having around the world!
An update on Jay Weaver of Big Daddy Weave. In early June the band’s bass player had both feet amputated to stop an infection. Now Jay is back home but the recovery process is still underway. Jay’s wife posted recently: Getting back into the routine. Our girls started school this week so it has been busy this week! Jason is still dealing with that stubborn infection. It has not progressed, which is a blessing. Continued prayers for healing of primarily the right ankle is appreciated.
(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email email@example.com for details!)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
RETURNS ON TUESDAY AFTER THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
RETURNS ON TUESDAY AFTER THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Wonder Woman”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “Pregnant”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson had washed ashore after being sent to his room for not playing with a new kid in the neighborhood. He’s already met some strange birds – Beach Birds – on the island, and he’s just met some giant hairy creatures, called Razzleflabbins!
CLOSE: Okay – so we know why Marvy was sent to his room, and we know that the Razzleflabbins are friendly and want to make friend with everyone, but how does ANY of this help Marvy get back to his room? Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 10/11
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, we found out the Plaid Guy – who all the Razzleflabbins had been terrified of for years, was actually a really nice guy! So nice, in fact, that the Razzleflabbins invited him to the barbecue and to the next day’s busy day of playing and singing!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another inspiringly inspiring inspiration story from the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
A case of mistaken identity turns into a giant Moment of Duh!
Lupe Cuellar of Brownsvile, Texas and his wife were startled at 1:30 in the morning by a knocking at their door. The men at the door said they were cops, but Lupe wasn’t sure. He said he’d heard about some burglaries in the neighborhood. He told his wife to call police. She called 911. The wife said the 911 operator told her, “We got a call that your husband was beating you.” The officers tried to kick down the door, so the wife told her husband it was the police and he opened the door. Lupe says the police officer put him in a choke hold, dragged him to the kitchen, and threw him on the floor. Lupe’s wife and kids watched officers cuff him and haul him outside in nothing but his underwear. Turns out the cops were at the wrong house.
TOP TEN REASONS DOGS CAN’T USE COMPUTERS
10. He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
9. SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
8. Saliva-coated CDs refuse to work.
7. Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
6. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing purina.com instead of working.
5. The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
4. He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail.”
3. It’s too messy to “mark” every Web site he visits.
2. The FETCH command isn’t available on all platforms.
1. He can’t stick his head out of Windows 7.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A man tells the police that he has a pipe bomb… during the interview for him to get the job as a police officer!
FILE #1: Timothy Danes who is facing charges of illegal possession of explosives after authorities found him with a pipe bomb. And how did the cops make such a discovery? Turns out he was applying for a job with the Cumberland County Sheriff’s Department and he told the interviewer that he had a pipe bomb in his possession. And after a quick check the cops discovered he wasn’t lying. By the way, Timothy did not get the job.
FILE #2: Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies arrested Steven Smiley in March and charged him as the one who, just acting on his “fascination with explosives”, released plastic trash bags filled with helium into the air, with burning flares and explosive powder attached, so that when the flare burned out, the bag would explode like a small bomb. Smiley apparently had no idea where the bags would land and, according to deputies, didn’t seem to care. One, however, landed on the roof of a sheriff’s substation three miles from Smiley’s home and exploded, no one was hurt.
FILE #3: A man notified a convenience store clerk in person that he would be back in a half-hour to rob him, then loitered outside the store for 30 minutes before returning and robbing him (Covington, Ky.). ***Hey, at least he was courteous about it and didn’t show up unannounced!
STRANGE LAW: In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Selling drugs illegally is dumb. Advertising that you do so is really stupid. And stocking store shelves with marijuana? That’s your brain on drugs!
Today’s “Brain on Drugs” story takes us to London, England, where the police kept coming across a business card whenever they busted people on marijuana possession charges. The card had an address, two telephone numbers, and a picture of a marijuana leaf and a smoking joint — plus with the words: “At your service day or night.” Finally deciding that the cards might not be a joke, they went to the address and found a video store. On the shelves, in addition to videos and DVDs, were bags of marijuana of various sizes and prices, marked with their countries of origin. The owner explained to the cops that, in addition to the in-store stock, he would also deliver the pot to his customers anywhere in the city at any time they wanted it. When they asked the owner if business was good, he told them he’d made about $250,000 in the last year. He’s facing 18 months in jail on drug dealing charges.
If you were a superhero, what would your super-powers be?
Fifty-four percent of parents say they give their kids an allowance. And the average amount is $65 a month. Most parents say their kids earn their allowance by doing chores — at least an hour a week. (How does this compare to what you’re giving or being given? Too much, too little?)
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: God answered this man twice “out of a whirlwind”, who was he?
ANSWER: Job (Job 38:1, Job 40:6)
QUESTION: If you could drive to the sun–at 55 miles per hour—how long would it take you to get there?
A) 93 years
B) 93 years
C) 993 years
ANSWER: 193 years
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. The katydid bug hears through holes in its hind legs. (True)
2. Granny’s full name on The Beverly Hillbillies was Daisy Moses. (True)
3. Popeye’s friend Wimpy’s full name is J. Wellington Wimpy. (True)
4. Pound for pound, cockroaches make up half of all animal life. (False – earthworms)
5. Doublemint Gum was the first candy in America to be wrapped in tinfoil to keep them fresh. (False – Life Savers)
6. The original slogan for Life Savers was “For that stormy breath”. (True)
7. More than 75% of the world’s supply of maple syrup comes from the U.S. (False – Canada)
8. The first football player on a Wheaties box was Joe Namath. (False – Walter Payton)
9. In one year at New York’s Yankee Stadium more 2,000,000 individual packets of mustard are consumed. (True – plus an additional 1,600 gallons!)
10. The Jackalope is the state animal of Oklahoma. (False – the bison, or American Buffalo)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
AIRBAGS FOR SMART _________ (PHONES)
Amazon is making airbags for smartphones!
Amazon filed the patent last year, but it was just made public last week. They will be selling the airbags for smartphones.
For those with regular cellphones, Amazon will be selling “seatbelts” and “child safety seats” for those who still do not know how to use their cellphones.
Why did Amazon’s CEO feel the need to make airbags for smartphones?
Well, whether it was on the kitchen floor, in the backyard, in the toilet, in your mother-in-law’s chicken gumbo, or even in public – we’ve all dropped our cell phones at some point in our lives.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
“Goat,” the little boy replied.
“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?”
“Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'”
Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son’s room, a mother finally laid down the law: each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents.
By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50 cent tip and a note that read, “Thanks, Mom — Keep up the good work!”
A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr.Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning.
His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before. “Is that so?” the first said. “Did he do a good job?”
“Well, I was on the course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot,” he said. “The ball most have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the stomach. That,” he added, “was the first time in two years my teeth didn’t hurt.”
When christening a ship, instead of using champagne, the Vikings would sacrifice a human being. ***MARLAR: The custom started when some Vikings tried to break a bottle of champagne against the side of a vessel and the ship’s builder said, “Over my dead body.”
The use of secret codes in wartime is almost as old as recorded history. We know, for example, that Julius Caesar used them. ***MARLAR: Even private companies use them. How else can you explain why instructions are so complicated to put together a child’s bicycle?
With some misgivings, we left a young babysitter in charge of our three energetic youngsters.
When we returned a few hours later, she was sitting alone watching TV.
I went to check on the children and found them in our narrow hallway. By bracing their arms and legs against the walls, two of them had climbed up to the ceiling.
“The babysitter taught us how,” they said gleefully.
The sitter joined me, her face a deep red. “Since they had me climbing the walls, I figured they might as well be too,” she stammered.
We kept the same girl for the next two years.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Tay Teng Joo, a resident of Singapore, got married. The wedding reception with over 700 guests went on as planned, and the only thing that looked strange were Tay Ten Joo’s hands. Rope burns were around his wrists, showing he’d been through something traumatic before his wedding. Turns out he’d been kidnapped! Tay was taken from his home on the day before his wedding and kept on the move in two vehicles. The kidnappers originally demanded $2.3-million, but settled on $680,000 before releasing him, and he made it to his wedding on time. And a nice part of this story is that two men and one woman were charged with the kidnapping the day after the wedding. They face a maximum penalty of the gallows or life in jail. Kidnappings are rare in Singapore, but Singaporeans have been the target of kidnappers in the Philippines in recent months. Victims’ families have generally been quick to pay ransoms.
A young officer was blinded, apparently in one of the world wars. While convalescing, he was cared for by a nurse with whom he fell in love and later married. One day he overheard some people talking about him and his wife. The cruel conversation went like this, “Lucky for her he is blind. He probably would never have married such a homely woman if he had had eyes.”
Walking toward the voices, he said, “I happened to overhear what you said, and I thank God from the depths of my heart for the blindness that might have kept me from seeing the marvelous worth of the soul of this woman who is my wife. She had the most noble character I have ever known. If the conformation of her features is such that it might have masked her inward beauty, then I am the great gainer for having lost my sight.”
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
(modified from Campus Journal)
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. –Psalm 19:14
Some people enjoy confrontation. I don’t. It makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. But, you know what?
Sometimes it’s necessary.
For instance, a few months back a buddy of mine got out of line and started belittling the ideas of another friend. It was a group setting and the offended friend just kind of clammed up under the stream of words coming from the offender. Finally, I had heard enough. “Quiet!” I said with the uncharacteristic force of a landslide and the volume of a sonic boom (not to be confused with Sonic Flood).
At my “gentle” request, the offender stopped mid-flow in his word-barrage and looked at me. “Okay, now what,” I thought to myself. This was quickly followed by the mini-prayer, Lord, give me the words!
I looked my offending friend in the eye and told him that I felt his communication had been hurtful and inappropriate. (I actually used those words.) Though my emotions were fully functioning, I was able (by God’s grace) to keep my focus on my friend’s words and behavior and not attack him or his character (I think).
Unfortunately, I do not always do this well in my confronting. But I do know that Jesus wants us to speak the truth in love. We read these words from the apostle Peter–a man who definitely knew some strong words: “Love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. . . . If anyone speaks, he should do it
as one speaking the very words of God” (1 Peter 4:8,11). Those are some clear, convicting directives for times when we enter the valley of confrontation.
We need to confront. We need to love. We need to confront in love. Remember, when you speak you represent Jesus. Let His words fill your heart so that what comes out of your mouth is less sonic and more tonic.
SEND IN THE CLOWNS
Need a rescue? Send in the clowns! One elderly woman’s life was saved by the funny guys with big shoes!
There’s an elderly woman in Florida who owes her life to… clowns! The woman is now safe after being trapped in an elevator for two days in temperatures of over 100 degrees! Thankfully, some clowns performing at a nearby magic shop heard her cries for help. The clowns then called the Winter Haven Fire Department who rushed to the scene to find the elevator stuck between two floors and the building’s air conditioning system off. They rescued the woman who was later treated for exhaustion and released from the hospital. ***MARLAR: While safe, she said she did feel claustrophobic in the tiny little clown ambulance.
LIFE… LIVE IT
YET ANOTHER REASON TO QUIT SMOKING!
Phillip Morris, the makers of cigarettes, wants you to think that cigarettes are beneficial – and they have a really morbid, twisted, and evil argument to back up that opinion!
Here in the United States, cigarettes are evil and have been all but banned. You can’t smoke hardly anywhere anymore, right? So what’s a company like Phillip Morris to do? Easy… they go to other countries to try and promote cigarettes. Recently they were in the Czech Republic. However, the Czech government doesn’t like the idea of having cigarettes in their country (seems they heard about cigarettes killing people too) so they’ve introduced plans to tax cigarettes and ban cigarette advertising. Now here’s where it becomes downright evil. In order to convince the Czech Republic to look favorably on smoking, Phillip Morris has commissioned a study to show there might be an advantage to having hundreds of thousands of people smoking. The advantage? That the government can save from $24-$26 million dollars per year on health care and pension costs due to lives being cut short from smoking. Did you catch that? Phillip Morris, the makers of the cigarettes, says that the cigarettes kill people and that it’s a good thing because you won’t be burdened with the expenses of caring for senior citizens because they’ll die before those services are needed… all thanks to cigarette smoking! Nice to know that companies like Phillip Morris are looking out for the best interests of the world, isn’t it?
JUST FOR FUN
BEAR BREAKS INTO ELECTRONICS STORE
An intruder who broke into a Colorado Springs electronics store won’t face any charges, even if authorities can find the culprit.
Colorado Springs police confirm it was a bear who broke a sliding glass door at a Circuit City store then went inside to a customer waiting area where surveillance cameras recorded its every move. The scared bear then ran back out the same broken glass door and headed for a tree. ***MARLAR: I don’t know about this fuzzy guy, but most men think that Radio Shack is filled with “bear necessities.” (audio clip)
HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
1. Empty the Recycle Bin on your computer.
2. Open a new file in your computer.
3. Name it “Barack Obama”.
4. Send it to the Recycle Bin
5. Empty the Recycle Bin
6. Your PC will ask you: “Do you really want to get rid of ‘Barack Obama’?”
7. Click “Yes”.
8. Feel better? Good.
YOU KNOW YOU’RE LIVING IN 2016 WHEN
You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
You e-mail or text or message the person who works at the desk next to you.
Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail or Twitter.
You’ve sat at the same desk for four years yet have worked for three different companies.
Your boss doesn’t have the ability to do your job.
Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
HOUSEHOLD ITEMS THAT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE
The most common gadgets in your home can be lifesavers in case of an emergency. Here, from the Red Cross and the Daily Mail newspaper, are seven things you’ll need when a crisis strikes:
Paper Bag — Inhaling and exhaling 10 times while holding it over your nose and mouth can stop a panic attack.
Juice Glass — To easily remove an insect from someone’s ear, pour a glass full of warm water into it. The bug should float to the surface.
Milk — If you knock out a tooth, put it in a container of milk until you can get to your dentist. The milk is a neutral solution that will keep the tooth from drying out, increasing the odds that it can be reinserted.
Yellow Pages and a Mop — Touching someone who’s been electrocuted can give you a severe shock. To insulate yourself, stand on a phone book, then move the electrical wire away from the victim with a wooden mop handle.
Bed sheet — An adult suffering from heatstroke should be wrapped in a sheet soaked in cold water.
Pantyhose — To support a broken collarbone, wrap a pair of pantyhose around the person’s neck. Tie loosely in a figure 8 at chest level and place the person’s hand in the bottom loop.
Credit Card — When a bee or wasp stings you, gently use a credit card to scrape the stinger out of the wound, then put ice on the area to reduce swelling.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
At age 50, Pastor Rob Cowles is—in his words—an unconventional hippie preacher. According to Charisma News, Cowles is again making headlines, this time starting a church in a former strip club. The Genesis Project is located in northern Colorado, turning a building where unclothed women once danced into a house of prayer and worship. And Cowles says it is having an impact. The former owner of the strip club and one of his dancers have given their lives to Jesus Christ and are now in full-time ministry. http://bit.ly/1zKXDAq
Have trouble memorizing scripture. The Gospel Coalition is out with a series of five articles to help you memorize scripture or anything else that you need to keep in your mind. Check out the tips and pick the one that works best for you at http://buff.ly/17Eqxuy
Every now and then, we need a reminder of just how big the world around us is and that, even though we are just a tiny speck living on a tiny planet, God still cares about each of us individually. Relevant magazine has released an article featuring six mind-boggling images and videos that will help your perspective on creation. http://relm.ag/1C0zk7r
Never assume someone wouldn’t be interested in going to church with you. According to the web site Yes He Is.com, Josh was a drug addict when he was invited to church. He even chose drugs over his family. But when he went to church he found the one thing that could fill the gap he was trying to fill with his addiction. And he went because someone invited him. http://www.yesheis.com/en/v/addicted?fb
Zimbabwe plans to dehorn all rhino in its national parks to discourage poaching after 50 animals were illegally killed last year. According to Yahoo News, the Rhino horn is prized in Asia for use in traditional medicine and surging demand has led to more poaching. A record 1,305 rhino were killed illegally in Africa last year. The director of operations with Aware Trust Zimbabwe said the organization was one of two groups helping the Zimbabwe Parks and Wildlife Management Authority remove horns from 100 rhino in state game parks, which are targeted by poachers because they are less secure. Not to worry, a rhino’s horn grows back if removed properly. http://yhoo.it/2c8KM7l
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I’ve done great in radio for one simple reason — I don’t have to spell.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
SEPTEMBER 02, 2016…
(New Opening Date) Equity—Anna Gunn wants to get a job in a top-notch investment film, but finds back-stabbing and bad investments, instead. Things start to happen when she starts looking at the workings of the corporation. Also in the cast is Alysia Reiner. “Equity” is rated PG 13. No rating.
The 9th Life Of Louis Drax—This is an unusual thriller about a child (Aiden Longworth) who keeps having accidents and the doctor (Jamie Dorman from “Shades of Gray”) who tries to help him. Also in the cast are Oliver Platt and Molly Parker. “The 9th Life of Louis Drax” is rated PG 13. No rating.
The Light Between Oceans—Based on the novel by M. L. Stedman, this plot concerns an Australian lighthouse keeper (Michael Fassbinder) and his wife (Alicia Vikander) who find a stranded baby on the beach and adopt her. Years later, another woman, Rachel Weisz, enters their life. “The Light Between Oceans “ (bring hankie) is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
SEPTEMBER 09, 2016…
When The Bough Breaks is about what goes wrong when a couple contact a surrogate mother. Stars Morris Chestnut.
Sully has Tom Hanks as the famous airline pilot who brought his plane down in the Hudson River and made international headlines.
Before I Wake is a supernatural film about a little boy who is afraid to fall asleep. Stars Jacob Tremblay and Kate Bosworth.
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