September 07, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150907

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Rearranging? Hardly. What this world needs is ME-arranging. — God

 

And for all of you on your way to work wondering how you’re ever going to cope with another weekday, just remember it could be worse. Your boss could be a twin.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  –Deuteronomy 6:4-5

 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. –Ephesians 4:29

 

[Jesus said,] “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” — Matthew 28:18-20

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

“Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise.” — Nehemiah 9:5

 

Thought: “Stand up and shout it if you love my Jesus…” That’s a song our children love to sing! But what happens to that youthful exuberance and joy at worshiping the Lord? Scripture seems to show us that God doesn’t want us to lose it. Read through the Bible and highlight all the physical acts used to reverence and praise our awesome and eternal God. In a world which regularly uses God’s name in vain, isn’t it time we stood up and praised him — not only in church (our private worship) and our daily devotionals (our personal worship), but also in our lives every day (our public worship)?!

 

Prayer: Heavenly Father, I find it incomprehensible that an eternal and mighty God would choose to listen to my prayers. Yet I know you do hear them and respond to them. Thank you! Please be praised in my worship, whether I offer it in private with other Christians at church, in my daily personal worship, or in my public worship as I live as an example before my coworkers. You alone are God and worthy of all praise; please be praised in my life. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV = Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – SEPTEMBER 07, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 113 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is TURN A CARTWHEEL IN PUBLIC DAY.  ***MARLAR: My boss already did when I told him earlier that I was tendering my resignation.  When I told him I was just joking he stopped the cartwheels and became a sourpuss again.

 

Today is NATIONAL FEEL THE LOVE DAY.  ***MARLAR: You pansy.

 

Today is NEITHER SNOW NOR RAIN DAY. ***MARLAR: Which either has something to do with the U.S. Postal Service deliverymen, or the expected weather here heading into Fall.

 

Today is GOOGLE COMMEMORATION DAY. ***MARLAR: Ironically, I wasn’t exactly sure how to spell “Commemoration” so I had to Google it.

 

This is INTERNATIONAL HOUSEKEEPERS WEEK (September 4-10).  ***MARLAR: Which reminds me of how I never received my allowance when I was a kid.  My parents added an “addendum” and whenever I left something out that my mom had to pick up for me, a quarter was deducted from my five-dollar-a-week allowance.  She had to pick up my shirt off the floor?  Twenty-five cents.  GI Joe doll left out of the toy box?  Twenty-five cents.  A pair of underwear – fifty cents, because underwear is considered a pair.

 

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Google Commemoration Day

Great Bathtub Race

Grandma Moses Day

Labor Day

National Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day

“Neither Snow Nor Rain” Day

Salami Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 08

Another Look Unlimited Day

International Literacy Day

Pardon Day

Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Nurses Day

Virgin Mary Day

World Physical Therapy Day

 

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 09

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day

Wonderful Weirdoes Day

 

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 10

Swap Ideas Day

World Suicide Prevention Day

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11

Banana Day

Libraries Remember Day

National Day of Service and Remembrance

Patriot Day

Remember Freedom Day

Stand Up To Cancer Day

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12

International Day for South-South Cooperation

National Day of Remembrance for Aborted Children

National Hollerin’ Day

National Iguana Awareness Day

Prairie Day

Video Games Day

Farmer Consumer Awareness Day

International Drive Your Studebaker Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

Grandparents’ Day

International Chocolate Day

Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day

National Celiac Awareness Day

National Peanut Day

Roald Dahl Day

Scooby-Doo Day

Miss America Pageant

National Hug Your Hound Day

National Pet Memorial Day

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

National Kreme Filled Donut Day

Rosh Hashannah

World Maritime Day

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

Rosh Hashannah

8-Track Tape Day

Felt Hat Day

Get Ready Day

Google.com Day

Greenpeace Day

International Day of Democracy

International Dot Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1926: Hollywood studios closed for the day to mark the funeral of Rudolph Valentino, the silent movie superstar who had died after ulcer surgery.

 

1958: Mary Davis set the women’s world non-stop talking record when she shut up in Tulsa after 110 hours 30 minutes. She had started talking four days earlier in Buffalo, New York.  Now, before you men starting elbowing your wives, you might want to know that the men’s talking record is 200 hours.

 

1963: The National Professional Football Hall of Fame was dedicated in Canton, Ohio.

 

1967: “The Flying Nun” took off from a convent in Puerto Rico. The popular TV series starred Sally Field as Sister Bertrillle.

 

1979: The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN) debuted on cable.

 

1981: At an Auburn, Indiana, auction, Las Vegas surgeon Dr. Lonnie Hammargren paid $325-thousand for the psychedelic 1956 Bentley limousine once owned by Beatle John Lennon.

 

1984: Singer Janet Jackson married singer James Debarge, but the marriage was later annulled.

 

1986: In the Chicago Bears – Cleveland Browns game, only three plays into the new football season, officials called for the first “instant replay” in NFL history. The rule was later tossed out, but returned in modified form in 1999.

 

1991: Singer Gloria Estefan was awarded damages of $5-million for injuries suffered in a 1990 traffic accident.

 

1992: Police in Bristol, England, caught a burglar when he fell out of a tree where he was hiding and landed on them.

 

1993: Police caught a knife-wielding bandit who had just robbed a New Jersey store after his pants fell down and he knocked himself out falling over a fire hydrant.

 

1996: All 875 residents of McGregor, Iowa, were honored guests at the 125th anniversary performance of Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus in Des Moines. The Ringling brothers held their first circus in McGregor in 1871.

 

1998: St. Louis Cardinals slugger Mark McGwire tied Roger Maris’ single-season home run record as he hit No. 61 in a game against the Chicago Cubs.

 

2002: Serena Williams beat her sister Venus 6-4, 6-3 to win the U.S. Open and a third straight Grand Slam tennis title.

 

2002: A 47-year-old robber walked into the Halmstad, Sweden, post office, told the cashier he was armed, and demanded a bag of cash — plus $37 million be deposited into his bank account. He then gave the postal clerk his account number. Police had no trouble finding the robber and made a speedy arrest.

 

2003: A 53-year-old father ended up in jail in the Philippines after pulling a gun on his son in an attempt to force him to have his hair cut. The father was arrested in the suburban city of Caloocan after he threatened to shoot his 25-year-old son, who refused to trim his locks.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(None today)

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (Scary Movie, Johnson Family Vacation, “That 70’s Show”, American Pie) Shannon Elizabeth, 42 (
    )
  • Actor (An American Werewolf in Paris, That Thing You Do, Eric Wyczenski on “ER”, Wyatt Cole in Saved) Tom Everett Scott, 43 (
    )
  • Actress (Roussea the French chick on “LOST”) Mira Furlen 60 (
    )
  • Actor (“LA Law,” Major League movies, plays Shawn Spencer’s father on “Psych”) Corbin Bernsen 61 (
    )
  • actor Michael Emerson (Saw, Ben on “LOST”) 61 (
    )
  • Actress (“Tracey Ullman Show”, “Rhoda”, voice of Marge on “The Simpsons”) Julie Kavner, 62 (
    )
  • Actor (Mr. Shaw on “Desperate Housewives”, John Shaft in both the movie Shaft 2000 as well as the TV series, Shaft) Richard Roundtree, 73 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1914 : Graeme Bell

1920 : Al Caiola

1935 : Ronnie Dove

1936 : Buddy Holly

1946 : Alfa Anderson (Chic)

1949 : Gloria Gaynor

1951 : Chrissie Hynde (The Pretenders)

1953 : Benmont Tench (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

1960 : Brad Houser (Edie Brickell & New Bohemians)

1970 : Chad Sexton (311)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

(edited from Creation Tips)

Could Neanderthals actually have been human? Some archaeologists are beginning to think exactly that!

Archaeologists have been stunned to find evidence of early humans, probably Neanderthals, on the Arctic Circle at Usa River in Russia. They found stone tools, along with many animal bones, and carvings on a mammoth tusk. Russian and Norwegian archaeologists said in the September 6 issue of Nature that this was the “oldest documented evidence for human presence at this high latitude.” The scientists found 123 mammal bones in an old river channel. But the most important find, they said, was the four-foot mammoth tusk with grooves in it made by chopping with a sharp stone tool, “unequivocally the work of humans.” The find has increased some researchers’ respect for Neanderthals. They now believe that Neanderthals were even more capable and adaptable than they have been given credit for. Some creationists believe that Neanderthals lived for a time after Noah’s Flood and might have been dark-skinned. This is because their bones show they lacked vitamin D (from sunlight), which gave them rickets and other bone problems when they moved to icy climates. Dark-skinned people after Babel who went to cold climates would have been more “sunlight resistant” and more prone to the bone diseases that Neanderthal fossils show. Whether that is right or not, Neanderthals were completely human, not the bumbling, bent-over prehumans that evolutionists used to picture.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Earlier this summer Brandon Heath celebrated the 20th anniversary of the date he decided to follow Jesus while at summer camp by attempted to raise enough money to send 20 kids to camp this year. Originally Brandon says his goal was 10 kids but his wife challenged him to trust that God would provide for 20 kids. However, Brandon announced this week that he was overwhelmed with the generosity of his social media followers who gave enough to send 31 kids to camp. Brandon says they are now getting letters from some of the kids and he wanted you to hear from one of them. It says: “Thank you for paying for me to come to Young Life camp. Young Life was the best experience of my life and if you didn’t pay for me, I wouldn’t have been able to experience it, so Thank You so so so much for that.”

 

Sanctus Real front man Matt Ham mitt is celebrating a special birthday this week. His son Bowen turns five years old on September 9th! Matt says he will be commemorating the milestone with a special edition of his Lead Me Lifecast. Bowen underwent his first open heart surgery soon after his birth and nearly died after the surgery.

 

Colton Dixon is single and his kitchen shows it. He shared a picture of his fridge, containing pizza lunchables, cream soda, milk, tea, and three different kinds of soda. Colton added that he had popcorn and chips in the pantry and the pizza was on the way. He said: Yup. This is a non married dudes fridge.

 

Jonny Diaz was recalling his high school baseball days this week. He shared: When I was a sophomore in high school, I went 1 for 3 off of Zack Greinke. Of course, Zack is now a well known professional baseball player.

 

Natalie Grant is sharing the Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins recipe that she likes to make for her family. She shared the recipe this week on Instagram. You can check it out here: https://t.co/JI1muzL0hz

 

Tenth Avenue North is featured on cans of Diet Dr. Pepper. Members of the band say their face is on a limited number of cans in the midwest. Front man Mike Donehey added: Good news. Even if you have diabetes, you can still enjoy a soda with my face on it.

 

A bit of trivia about Third Day: Did you know the day before the photoshoot for Conspiracy #5, Mac Powell bleached his hair and surprised everyone? The band re-released the picture this week, prompting Colton Dixon to post: bet he won’t do it again. Mac Powell’s response: double dog dare? http://t.co/EQCfjjbsdz

 

The Afters guitarist Matt has finally found a good use for all those notices left for him by the TSA after rummaging through his guitars. He said he is using them as buffers between the guitar strings at the top of his guitar to reduce studio noise.

 

A thought from Colton Dixon: Just realized that Joel Smallbone from for King and Country looks like Ricky Martin.

 

Jonny Diaz says his daughter Charlie Grace just laughed for the first time. Jonny tweeted: I could watch this for hours.

 

Matthew West recently took part in a Twitter question and answer time. Here are some of the results:

Q: What is your favorite song from the into the light album

A: I love singing Hello My Name Is every night… BUT there’s a song on that record called Unchangeable that I love.

 

Q: what is your favorite food?

A: a STEAK! But I guess you’re not supposed to eat red meat that much, so instead I’ll say… a STEAK! (don’t care)

 

Q: Curious to know if you & Emily still homeschool your daughters?

A: Yes we still homeschool our daughters and they will be on tour with me this fall!

 

Q: Next time you’re in PA, will you eat cheesecake on a stick with me?

A: absolutely! you had me at cheesecake on a stick.

 

Q: What was the last prank you pulled on somebody whether it’s your family, band members or an artist?

A: We used to pull up at a truck stop on tour and then while one of our band members was still inside, we would hide the bus…

 

Q: if you weren’t a musician, what career would you have? #MWChat

A: I would sell hot dogs at a baseball stadium. 🙂

 

Q: How would you describe your job to a 5 year old? #MWChat

A: great question. I would tell a 5 yr old that I sing, say silly things, and tell people about Jesus.

 

Q: Wondering what is your wife and girls favorite Mathew West song?

A: My wife is right here and I just asked her. She says “reason for the world” my daughters like “day one.”

 

Q: Do you remember your first show ever?? #MWchat

A: First official show was at a Barnes and Nobles bookstore in my hometown. Attendance: 2. Mom and Dad. Don’t laugh.

 

Q: What is one thing you’re really good at but wish you weren’t? #MWChat

A: I’m really good at eating ice cream, and I wish I wasn’t

 

Q: did you always want to be a christian singer or did you want to be something else?

A: I wanted to be a baseball player… That didn’t work out.

 

Q: even with all that you have accomplished, what is one thing that is a top goal that you still long to achieve?

A: I would like to write my first full book. Have written several devotional books. working on a full one now!

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Police: Burglary suspect reveals plans with 911 ‘butt dial’
BRANCHBURG, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey man has been indicted on burglary charges after police say he inadvertently dialed 911 and let authorities in on his plans. Police say they heard Scott Robert Esser and an accomplice talk about breaking into homes, emptying drawers and stealing goods….

 

Prison ordered for Michigan man in dirty sock deal
ADRIAN, Mich. (AP) — A man who tried to sell a backpack of dirty socks as marijuana has been sentenced to at least one year in a Michigan prison. Michael Suarez was sentenced Thursday for committing fraud through false pretenses. An unarmed robbery charge was dropped. Police say Suarez was…
Companies to stop ‘revenge makeover’ ads using ex-governor    photo
PHOENIX (AP) — Two online marketing companies that ceased publishing ads depicting former Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer as an over-the-hill divorcee who needed a “revenge makeover” could still face legal action from her. In a written statement, Brewer said that she was “pleased” they would stop…
New Hampshire pulls bartending guides for sexual drink names
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — New Hampshire has pulled hundreds of bartending guides from state-run liquor stores after workers complained that the drink manuals contained sexually explicit and derogatory drink names such as “stripper mom.” HASH(0x140abd0) Workers started complaining to the commission…
Lost Australian sheep yields 30 sweaters worth of fleece    photo
CANBERRA, Australia (AP) — A lost, overgrown sheep found in Australian scrubland was shorn for perhaps the first time on Thursday, yielding 40 kilograms (89 pounds) of wool — the equivalent of 30 sweaters — and shedding almost half his body weight. Tammy Ven Dange, chief executive…
Connecticut Gov. Malloy is photobombed by beluga whale    photo
MYSTIC, Conn. (AP) — Connecticut Gov. Dannel P. Malloy has found himself upstaged by a beluga whale during a tourism news conference at the Mystic Aquarium. Malloy was standing in front of the Alaskan Coast exhibit Wednesday touting an increase in summer tourism in Connecticut when a whale…
Fox News anchor sues Hasbro over toy hamster with her name    photo
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — An anchor for Fox News is suing Hasbro for more than $5 million over a toy hamster that shares her name — and possibly even her resemblance. Harris Faulkner sued Hasbro this week over its plastic Harris Faulkner hamster, sold as part of the Pawtucket, Rhode…
Sasquatch sighting! Maine police say Bigfoot artist nabbed    photo
KENNEBUNK, Maine (AP) — Authorities have nabbed a man who’s accused of spray-painting images of Sasquatch on public property in Kennebunk, Maine. Police in the picturesque coastal town didn’t find the graffiti featuring Bigfoot all that amusing and charged 36-year-old Freeman Hatch with…
China enlists monkeys to keep birds from spoiling big parade    photo
BEIJING (AP) — China is leaning on the animal kingdom — including a squad of nest-wrecking monkeys — to ensure its military parade commemorating the end of World War II goes smoothly. To minimize the chances of birds striking engines during the many airplane flyovers connected to…
Police: Man huffed keyboard spray after crash as cop watched
TOPSHAM, Maine (AP) — Police say a Maine man crashed his SUV into a guardrail on an interstate and then inhaled computer keyboard cleaner in front of the officer who pulled him over. Topsham Sgt. Robert Ramsay tells the Portland Press Herald (http://bit.ly/1JxG2kp) that 44-year-old John Yates…
Senator with son named McKinley decries mountain name change
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — A state senator who named his son McKinley after North America’s tallest mountain peak isn’t too pleased with the president’s decision to change its name back to Denali. Sen. L. Scott Frantz, a Greenwich Republican and avid climber, says four of his children are named…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Near LA’s Koreatown, pastor tries to lift veil on drug abuse    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — In a blue-and-white church on the outskirts of Los Angeles’ Koreatown, pastor Young Ho Han is trying to lift the veil on a problem silently afflicting his community: drug abuse among young Korean-Americans. It’s an issue Han knows well, starting with his own addiction to…

 

Plan targets health care bias against transgender people    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Mirroring a shift in society, the Obama administration proposed Thursday to ban discrimination against transgender people throughout the health care system. Once the proposed regulations are final, they should expand insurance coverage for gender transition and prohibit…
Ukraine: sufficient vaccine coming to block polio outbreak
KIEV, Ukraine (AP) — One day after the World Health Organization confirmed two cases of polio in Ukrainian children, the country’s health minister says efforts are underway to import enough vaccine to prevent an outbreak. Health officials have warned for years that Ukraine was at risk of a…
9/11 recovery workers: Congress must renew health programs    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Dozens of 9/11 rescue and recovery workers gathered at the World Trade Center site on Thursday to demand that Congress extend programs offering money and free health care to people exposed to toxic dust after the terror attacks. Since 2011, federal programs have offered…
1st of Tanzanian albino kids with missing limbs goes home    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Kabula Nkarango Masanja returned home to Tanzania with a new American prosthetic arm replacing the limb that was chopped off with a machete by followers of African witchcraft. She’s one of Tanzania’s children with albinism, a condition that leaves people with little or no…
Watchdog: 900,000 vets may have pending health care requests
WASHINGTON (AP) — Nearly 900,000 military veterans have officially pending applications for health care from the Department of Veterans Affairs, the department’s inspector general said Wednesday, but “serious” problems with enrollment data make it impossible to determine how many veterans…
A bold move to save a man’s hand: Tucking it into his tummy    photo
Casey Reyes struggled for a way to explain the “sci-fi” surgery doctors were proposing to save her 87-year-old grandfather’s badly burned hand. “They’re gonna put your hand inside your stomach, kind of like a hoodie,” she told him. Frank Reyes agreed to the strange operation at Houston Methodist…
House Judiciary panel sets first Planned Parenthood hearing
WASHINGTON (AP) — The House Judiciary Committee will hold Congress’ first hearing on the Planned Parenthood videos next Wednesday. And the title they’re using leaves little doubt about where majority Republicans stand on the issue. The panel said next week’s session will be the first of…
Legionnaires’ outbreaks not unusual in summer & early fall    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Legionnaires’ disease has been reported in a handful of states this summer, leading to 19 deaths and more than 100 illnesses. The unrelated cases are part of a typical pattern seen with a disease that tends to appear in warm weather and is mostly dangerous for people who…
Approaching health law tax is not just a levy on luxury    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The last major piece of President Barack Obama’s health care law could raise costs for thrifty consumers as well as large corporations and union members when it takes effect in 2018. The so-called Cadillac tax was meant to discourage extravagant coverage. Critics say it’s a…
Young at heart? Not most Americans, government report says    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Your heart might be older than you are. A new government report suggests age is just a number — and perhaps not a very telling one when it comes to your risk of heart attack or stroke. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report takes a new approach to try to…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

RETURNS ON TUESDAY AFTER THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

RETURNS ON TUESDAY AFTER THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Wheels On Luggage” (Same episode for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Gregory, “Camping” (Same episode for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE (Same episode for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson nailed down the hands on the island’s calendar clock so everyone would think every day was Saturday! Unfortunately, it’s been many, many days of Saturdays. There’s no food, and everyone is at each other’s throats wondering who is to blame!

 

CLOSE: Now that Marvy has come clean with what he’s done, will Razzleflabbin Island get back to normal? Will Karl stay? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 12/13, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were headed out for the best and biggest picnic they’d ever had. But Gruffy Bear insisted that they not have the picnic until they found the perfect picnic spot. They’ve already found a really nice spot – but it’s not good enough for Gruffy.

 

CLOSE: That sure sounded like the perfect picnic spot. What better place could they find? Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A boy fakes a kidnapping so he won’t get into trouble for being late to school!

A 13-year-old boy has faked his own kidnapping to avoid getting into trouble over being late for school. The French teenager had forged his mother’s signature on a letter explaining why he was late one morning. But he was found out and decided to fake the kidnapping by cutting his face with a knife and pretending he’d been grabbed by men in a car. Police then launched a four-hour search for the non-existent “kidnappers” before the boy finally admitted he was lying. He was given a warning and needed stitches to the cut in his face.

 

 

TOP TEN

Top 10 Family Travel Vacation Experiences

iExplore (www.iexplore.com) has announced the Top 10 Family Travel Vacation Experiences Worldwide, as determined by the iExplore team of world travel experts.  Here’s the top ten:

  1. Fly-fishing in Scotland
  2. Dude ranch camping
  3. Touring Cappadoccia, Turkey
  4. Galapagos, Ecuador
  5. Skiing Mt Cook, New Zealand
  6. Horse riding in Argentina
  7. Staying at the Ice Hotel, Quebec, Canada
  8. Visiting Morocco
  9. Taking an elephant safari in Chiang Mai, Thailand
  10. Touring Egypt

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man holds Pizza Hut signs for ransom!

 

FILE #1: A former employee of an Elko, Nevada, Pizza Hut called the manager and told him he had five Pizza Hut signs that are used on the roofs of vehicles. He said he wouldn’t return them unless he was paid $500. The manager wanted proof, so the thief sent him a cell phone picture of the signs. Officers were able to zoom in on license plate numbers of two vehicles in the background that are registered to the man. He’s been charged with extortion, possession of stolen property and grand larceny.

 

FILE #2: Deputies in Cook County, Illinois, busted 66 fugitives in a tax rebate sting. More than 30 wanted suspects showed up at a fake tax office expecting to get a rebate check – only to be cuffed and jailed. Deputies said the sting operation generated leads that resulted in another 34 arrests. The outstanding warrants were for everything from failure to pay child support to burglary. Some of those arrested still thought they had a rebate coming – and one fugitive wanted to know if he could put the tax check toward his bail.

 

FILE #3: A Poulsbo, Washington, woman was jailed after she allegedly beat up her fiancé at their prenuptial party. Kitsap County police said the woman’s 12-year-old son told her he saw her fiancé kissing one of her friends early.  At that night’s party, the woman gave her friends the boot, told her fiancé to leave, and then started hitting him in the face. When he started to leave, the woman tackled him, punched him some more, threw his watch and broke his glasses. The son called 911.  ***MARLAR: There’s no word on whether the marriage took place, but we’re thinking “no.”

 

STRANGE LAW: In Alabama it is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Pot it’s not. Some plant-nappers are going to be disappointed if they try smoking the stuff they stole from Piri Currie’s garden.

The Ontario woman says she was growing spider plants in front of her house. She says the pointy-leafed plants look a lot like marijuana in the early stages of growth.  Ten plants were taken and Currie says there’s a dirt trail from her yard, across the sidewalk and onto the street. She figures the plant thieves pulled up her spider plants and drove away. She adds if anyone tries to smoke them, they’re “stupid.”  ***MARLAR: But then, isn’t everyone who smokes pot?

 

 

PHONER PHUN

This is INTERNATIONAL HOUSEKEEPERS WEEK. Anyone working as a housekeeper with horror stories you want to share about what you’ve discovered while cleaning? Or does anyone have a housekeeper? Do you pick up your house before the housekeeper comes in because you’re so embarrassed about your clutter, or do you let the clutter pile up knowing you’re paying someone to take care of it?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What warriors were so extravagant that even their camels wore necklaces?

ANSWER: The Midianites (Judges 8:24-26)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Starting with the number one, how high would you have to count before hitting a number with the letter “a” in it?

ANSWER: One Thousand.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The Nile River flows North. (True)

 

  1. The studios wanted Tom Hanks for the lead in 1997’s blockbuster movie, Titaic. (False – they actually wanted Matthew McConaughey. But director James Cameron insisted on Leonardo DiCaprio.)

 

  1. The tip of a whip moves so fast that it breaks the sound barrier. (True. The “crack” of a whip is actually a tiny sonic boom.)

 

  1. The wingspan of a Boeing 747 jet is longer than the Wright Brothers’ entire first flight. (True)

 

  1. If done perfectly, any Rubik’s Cube combination can be solved in 17 turns. (True)

 

  1. Michael Crighton is the only author to have written a book in all 10 Dewey-decimal categories. (False – Isaac Asimov)

 

  1. Michael Jordan shaves his head on Tuesdays and Fridays. (True)

 

  1. The most popular first name in the world is John. (False – Muhammad)

 

  1. The Philadelphia mint produces 26 million pennies per year. (False – per day)

 

  1. Almost half the newspapers in the world are published in the United States and Canada. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

______ PEOPLE TO GET AFFIRMATIVE ACTION

The White House is pushing through a bill that will give Affirmative Action benefits to ugly people.

The Obama Administration has felt for a long time that ugly people are facing discrimination in all sectors of the United States – jobs, college, healthcare etc.

The Administration first looked at amending ”ugly” to the definition of “disabilities” under the American’ With Disabilities Act (ADA), but they figured it would take too long to enact.

Now, they are just going to declare “ugly people” to be an official minority that should be protected under Affirmative Action laws.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?  He got a bird that not only delivers messages to their destination, but knocks on the door when it gets there.

 

JOKE #2

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses.

“You know, honey,” I said sweetly, “Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.”

“Honey,” he replied with a grin, “Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!”

 

JOKE #3

Antiques have become very popular. Right now there are 15 million Americans who have things that are old, funny-looking, don’t work and are only kept for sentimental purposes.

Some of these are called antiques, and the rest are called husbands.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

There’s such a worldwide shortage of trained butlers that a good one can now command up to $500,000 a year.  ***MARLAR: Unless you work for Paris Hilton… at which point no matter what you make, you are WAY underpaid.

 

The Tennessee Valley Authority has admitted to a newspaper that 54 night shift workers at the Browns Ferry Nuclear Plant have been exposed to radioactive gas. ***MARLAR: The situation has been remedied, as Mexican food is no longer allowed inside the plant.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

COFFEE TALK

Combine a coffee shop and a package delivery service and what do you get?  You get a great name for a coffee shop, and an even greater lawsuit!

A New York coffee shop has been playing the “name game” to great success. The shop owned by brother and sister Anna Dobbs and Dave Ruston was originally called “Federal Espresso”, but a lawsuit by shipping giant
Federal Express forced the coffee shop to change its name.  Citing copyright infringement, a court made Anna and Dave come up with a new name. Their choice? “Ex-Federal Espresso”. But now the duo has once again decided to change the name and have a little fun with the fact they were made to change the name. It’s now called “Freedom of Espresso”. Despite the legal battle and name changes, the store continues to thrive as Anna and Dave are planning a third shop. Which is good news for their lawyer Joseph Heath. The attorney included a cup of coffee a day for life, as part of his legal fees!

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Show Your Appreciation As Often As You Can

The deepest principal in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. If you treat an individual as if they were what they ought to be and could be, they will become what they ought to be and could be.

There is no stimulus like that which comes from knowing that others believe in you. There is no investment you can make which will pay you so well as your effort to scatter sunshine and good cheer where ever you are.

Applaud them when they run, console them when they fall, and cheer them when they recover.

As water is to a flower — So is praise to the heart of another.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

NO TERROR

READ: Psalm 31:9-24

Make Your face shine upon Your servant; save me for Your mercies’ sake. —Psalm 31:16

After the terrorist bombing in Bali in 2002, one man reacted by giving up traveling. Three years later, he finally took his family for a holiday in Bali, together with 50 tourists from Newcastle, Australia. The trip ended in tragedy when his family was caught in a suicide bombing at a café on Jimbaran Beach.

From New York to Indonesia, warnings and threats of terrorist attacks continue. Terrorism derives its sting by exporting fear. No one feels safe.

In Psalm 31, David was in the grip of surrounding threats that terrorized both his reputation and his life. He wrote, “Fear is on every side,” and said, “They scheme to take away my life” (v.13).

When everything seemed bleakest, David cried in despair, “I trust in You, O Lord” (v.14). He began to find peace when he acknowledged, “My times are in Your hand” (v.15).

In our world, perfect safety is not possible. But David’s God is our God. Though our earthly security may be threatened, we can never lose God’s eternal, unfailing love.

To those who trust in the Lord, David wrote these hope-filled words: “[The Lord] shall strengthen your heart” (v.24). When we place our times in His hand, we can exchange the fear of terror for peace and praise. —Albert Lee

 

Peace, perfect peace,
Death shadowing us and ours?
Jesus has vanquished
Death and all its powers.  —Bickersteth

 

Putting your faith in the living God takes the fear out of living.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

LOST & FOUND

An entire town in Scotland has been (gasp) LOST!

Lost — a tiny village in Scotland, called Lost. Well not quite. But residents in the village of Lost in Aberdeenshire are appealing for Lost to be found. The signpost for their village has gone missing. According to a spokeswoman for the town, “Lost is a tiny village and it’s quite difficult to find at the best of times. Now that someone has taken the signpost, people are getting even more lost. We are appealing for Lost to be found and for the signpost to be returned.”  ***MARLAR: That way people trying to find Lost will find Lost and not be found looking for Lost because they’re lost.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

LAUGH FOR A LIVING

Looking for a new employee? Hire a class clown! If you want to hire a good employee, make sure they were a class clown. Research by American Personnel Mangers reveals that workers with a sense of humor do a better job than grouches. 100 company bosses were surveyed and 84-percent said that “laugh-it-up” employees were the best.  ***MARLAR: “Thank you ladies and gentlemen – give it up one more time for Joey from the mailroom!”

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

DEAD WRONG

Catching up on a little family history ended up making one woman a part of history itself!
A resident of Durban, South Africa went to get some paperwork on a deceased family member and ended up dead herself! The lady wanted an identity document of a deceased relative stamped at a Durban funeral parlor. But to her horror the woman was certified dead herself instead! The unsuspecting woman handed over her identity book on request and received it back with “deceased” stamped big and bold all over her smiling face on the photo.

 

 

FUN LIST

PROVERBS/COUNTER PROVERBS
As any experienced conversationalist can tell you, ambiguity is the key to winning any argument. Following are a few popular proverbs and counter-proverbs that will allow you to turn a conversation in any direction you want. Who can argue with the wit and wisdom of our fore fathers, or even our five fathers?

Actions speak louder than words.
The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Clothes make the man.
Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better.
The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be.
Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them.
Forewarned is forearmed.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
One man’s meat is another man’s poison.

With age comes wisdom.
Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier.
Two’s company; three’s a crowd.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

8 COMMON TICKET MYTHS

Here are the most common misconceptions surrounding tickets and how to beat them from Bankrate.com:

  • If the officer makes a single mistake on your ticket, the case is dropped — Clerical mistakes, such as a wrong number or wrong order of a person’s name, are usually overlooked. Material mistakes, like the identity of the driver, the direction of travel, the street or the description of the vehicle, can usually help a driver win the case.
  • If the officer doesn’t show up in court, you automatically win — Some judges will drop a case if the officer does not appear in court because defendants have the constitutional right to question their accusers. However, in most cases an officer not showing up will result in a dismissal.
  • Red cars get more tickets — There are no official studies to confirm that red cars do get more tickets, but some suggest the bold color tends to attract more attention from everyone — including police officers.
  • You need a lawyer to beat a ticket — With a little time and homework, many people successfully fight their own traffic tickets. At the very least, first-time offenders for minor offenses can usually strike a plea bargain.
  • If you get a ticket in another state, your home state won’t find out about it — Reports on traffic violations and suspensions are usually forwarded to the home state of the nonresident.
  • You can make up an excuse to get out of the ticket — Most police officers aren’t interested in excuses. When an officer pulls you over, he already suspects you of an infraction.
  • A radar detector will ensure that you never get pulled over — Speeding drivers are also more likely to commit other infractions, and a radar detector can’t tell you when a cop is watching you run that red light or make an illegal turn.
  • If you don’t sign the ticket, it will be dismissed — Signing a ticket is not an admission of guilt, but merely an acknowledgement you received the ticket and a promise to appear in court.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

NONE THIS WEEK DUE TO THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY – RETURNS NEXT MONDAY

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP (Same material for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)

 

Studies by Barna Group Research and the Pew Forum seem to indicate that America is moving toward post-Christianity. In fact, in just two years, the percentage of Americans who are categorized as “post-Christian” accelerated from 37% in 2013 to 44% in 2015. In response, the organization Biblica is asking: how did we get here? According to a Mission Network News report, they say “Our research at Biblica Institute identified one glaring change in people’s Christian commitment, and that is in terms of Bible reading. The decline in Bible reading has been dramatic.” In fact, Biblica officials say that “If present trends continue, a two-thirds majority of America by 2030 will have virtually no knowledge of any Bible stories or biblical reference.” https://t.co/wi139TXfbl

 

Belgium scientists have combined the same species of yeast found in beer with chocolate to create a ‘super-chocolate’ that they say is better than any sweet treat you’ve ever tasted. The team claims that the yeast can be used to improve the flavour of chocolate – and they say the flavour can even be tailored to different preferences. Officials say the next step is commercial production of a range of tailor-made chocolates, using some of the novel yeasts.  http://dailym.ai/1I6nmeg

 

A team of intercessors in Washington D.C. is calling the nation to rally together in unity to keep the fires of prayer and worship on the alter, 24/7 in our nation’s capital. According to Charisma News, “David’s Tent DC” is set to run 424 days, providing 10,000 hours of continuous worship from Sept. 11, 2015, through Nov. 8, 2016. This unprecedented gathering of worship on the National Mall will be right beside the Washington Monument. David’s Tent is inspired after King David’s devotion to the Lord in Jerusalem 3,000 years ago. David hired 4,000 musicians and 288 singers to minister to God continuously around the ark in a tent in his capital city. http://bit.ly/1heFFnd

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I found a very interesting book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down!

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

A Fantasy about Productivity

It’s back! Fall football season. Lights were on at high school stadiums in our neighborhoods last Friday night. College teams kickoff this weekend. Pro players are getting ready for their final pre-season action, and those dreaded visits from a coach who asks members of that last group of cuts to “turn in your playbook.”
I love football season. But not as much as some. I don’t go to games, so obviously no tailgating. No big parties. Just a nice big screen will do with the ability to DVR the games I most want to watch.
To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I paid to see a sporting event. One, I can’t afford it! And two…being in media has offered me the blessing of free tickets courtesy of sports franchises, friends, or the radio station. And when sitting in the press box for games, they even feed you!
But get this: I even began passing up the great press box opportunity several years ago. That’s because there’s another cost to sporting events. Time. And more specifically for overly passionate sports-minded dads, time away from family.
I was sitting in the press box at a Pittsburgh Steelers game while my boys were in high school. They weren’t sports fans and there was only one press pass. So on several Sundays, I went. And left the family at home. Sometimes missing church in the process.
On that Sunday in Pittsburgh, my soul was jolted with the reality that I only had a few years left with my sons at home. And weekends were precious. And that ended my giving up Sundays and leaving family behind. Back then, I was videotaping games and watching them when we completed our family time.
My workplace blog today chooses to address another unfortunate cost from our love of sports: ripping off the company in our fantasy time. Okay, that is a bit aggressive — but look at the numbers.
This past week, Fox Business reported the estimates in company time taken up by those who play “fantasy football.” If correct, the nearly 60 million Americans and Canadians in this pretend world of sports could cost employers nearly $16 billion in lost wages. This number was generated from one of our Chicago consulting firms, Challenger, Gray, & Christmas. (Love that name.)
For those who don’t fantasize about football in this way, it’s defined as “a statistical game in which players compete against each other by managing groups of real players or position units selected from American football teams.” And according to the Fox article, “Fantasy players are expected to use one hour per week updating their rosters, making trades and checking injury reports at work.”
Now to be fair, plenty of sporting pools still exist. And there’s the annual March Madness bracketology competition consuming massive hours of employee time as well. Then we have the time in the break room — or wherever — where daily discussions focus on the great plays, the bad decisions of umpires, referees, and coaches, and where teams stand.
The twist that caught my attention in the story came from the CEO John Challenger of the aforementioned firm. Apparently, John is himself a fantasy football fan who belongs to multiple leagues! And his take is that this activity is a morale booster in the workplace and may increase productivity in the long run! Thus, employers should look the other way, adding, “It is impossible to reach full productivity.” Mull that over, dear business owner.
This is one of those business dilemmas that does not have a clear cut solution. Strict workplace legalists can argue (with some validity) that you are paid for work, not personal fun or chatter. Workplace realists know that if you remove all fun or non-work related personal discussions, on-the-job satisfaction drops.
Interesting, the Bible has a story about this kind of conflict. Two women who loved Jesus had him over a for a visit. One chose to sit at His feet and be blessed by His wisdom and his company. Her name was Mary. The other chose to be very busy with all the preparations. Her name was Martha. And she complained to Jesus about her sister’s insensitivity on the work that needed to be done.
Here is what she said: “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
And here is how Jesus replied, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42 / NLT) Best to think this one over.
Each employer must set their own guidelines for these kinds of workplace issues. And each employee owes it to their employer to respect those guidelines.
All work and no play, and Fantasy Football goes away. Here come the “boo birds.”
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 02, 2015…

 

No Escape—Owen Wilson and family are transferred to the Middle East and before you know it, are in the middle of a military takeover. What to do and how to protect themselves. They don’t speak the language and are the hated Americans. Along comes Pierce Brosnan to help them. The cast includes Lake Bell. “No Escape” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.

 

*Note: Pan starring Hugh Jackman is now opening October 9

 

 

SEPTEMBER 04, 2015…

 

*Note: Moved from an earlier date: Jane Got A Gun—This western is set back in pioneer days and tells the story of Jane (Natalie Portman and she fought bad guys in “Star Wars“), who is married and lives on a nice, little ranch.  She catches the eye of the bad guy (Ewan McGregor) and he ends up wounding her husband. Jane needs help, so goes to an old boyfriend, Joel Edgerton, and then the battle begins. “Jane Got A Gun” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.

 

Kitchen Sink—As in…“everything but the kitchen sink.“ This is a horror comedy that stars Vanessa Hudgens.  A screamer, you think, well, sort of.  The premise is that of a small town where vampires, humans and zombies peacefully co-exist. Until….aliens invade from space. You read that right. Also in the cast is Ed Westerwek. “Kitchen Sink” is rated R. No rating.

 

Mistress America—Co-written by Greta Gerwig, who also stars, this film is a story of a sister and her half-sister. The younger one, Lola Kirke, is going to college, and the older sister (Gerwig) with unconventional ways, comes to visit. Also in the cast is Heather Lind. “Mistress America” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Transporter Refueled—Jason Statham is not with this film series now, so newcomer Ed Skrein, comes on as the “transporter” Frank Martin.  Skrein is an English rapper and beginning an acting career. A Transporter is someone paid to deliver an expensive item (which always meant trouble for Jason Statham.) Also in this cast are Ray Stevenson and Loan Chabanol. “Transporter Refueled” is rated R. No rating.

 

 

SEPTEMBER 09, 2015…

 

Time Out Of Mind stars Richard Gere as a man trying to reconcile with his daughter.

 

 

SEPTEMBER 11, 2015…

 

The Perfect Guy is about finding the right man and then, who is he, really? Stars Sanaa Lathan and Michael Ealy.

 

The Visit is a horror film from M. Night Shyamalan where children have dire adventures visiting grandparents. Stars Olivia DeJonge.

 

Sleeping With Other People was supposed to open August 20 and stars Jason Sudeikis

in a comedy about love.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.