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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150908
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
And a reminder… you must be at least this tall to listen to my show.
There are two kinds of Saturday morning people: those who sleep in, and those who get up early to mow the lawn. We would have instant world peace if someone would invent a stealth lawnmower.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.” –Ecclesiastes 9:10
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. –Ephesians 4:25
“You are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household.” — Ephesians 2:19
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. — Psalm 90:12
Thought: When we lose our sense of urgency to live for God, we end up wasting our time! God has a plan for us, for our world, and for his church. Without God’s gift of “spiritual arithmetic” (numbering our days aright), we will never gain a heart of wisdom. So how do we get such a gift? Ask for it without doubting (James 1:5-7)! Trusting the Lord for wisdom has a huge effect on us and the way we conduct our lives. Rather than losing heart, God gives us a heart of wisdom!
Prayer: Holy and Almighty God, King of the Ages, you alone live in complete wisdom, justice, and grace. Please help me to know what time it is in my life and the role you want me to play at this stage of my journey. I want my life to be lived glorifying you. In Jesus’ precious name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV = And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
TODAY IS TUESDAY – SEPTEMBER 08, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 112 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL BOSS/EMPLOYEE EXCHANGE DAY, a day for bosses and employees to share each other’s points of view for a day. ***MARLAR: I can’t afford to change places with my boss – he’ll see how easy a job this is and assign it to an intern!
Today is INTERNATIONAL LITERRACY DAY, sponsored by the United Nations. ***MARLAR: Wait a minute… is literacy really spelled with two “R”s? It’s spelled with two “R”s here…
Today is NATIONAL DATE NUT BREAD DAY. ***MARLAR: Not to be confused with National Date A Nut Day, which may be more fun, but isn’t as good of a source of whole grain and fiber.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Another Look Unlimited Day
International Literacy Day
Virgin Mary Day
COMING UP NEXT
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 09
Wonderful Weirdoes Day
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 10
Swap Ideas Day
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11
Libraries Remember Day
Remember Freedom Day
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12
Video Games Day
International Drive Your Studebaker Day
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13
International Chocolate Day
National Celiac Awareness Day
Roald Dahl Day
Miss America Pageant
National Hug Your Hound Day
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 14
World Maritime Day
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15
Felt Hat Day
International Day of Democracy
ON THIS DAY
1565: Don Pedro Menendez de Aviles of Spain landed in Florida and established the first permanent settlement of Europeans in North America, eventually to be called St. Augustine.
1922: At the second Miss America pageant, 16-year-old Mary Campbell of Columbus, Ohio, won the title. She won it again the following year, the only Miss America to serve two consecutive years.
1935: At age 19, singer Frank Sinatra launched his career with a group called The Hoboken Four on the Major Bowes Amateur Hour radio talent show.
1962: “Monster Mash” by Bobby “Boris” Pickett and the Crypt Kickers entered the music charts. No record company would touch the song, so Bobby pressed a thousand copies on his own label and sent them to key radio stations. It hit #1 and still plays every Halloween.
1965: In a game against the California Angels, Kansas City’s Bert Campaneris played a different position every inning, becoming the first major-leaguer to play all nine positions in a game. Catching in the 9th, he was injured trying to block the plate from runner Ed Kirkpatrick.
1966: Thursday night at 8:30 “Star Trek” debuted on NBC-TV with an episode entitled “The Man Trap.” The series was rated at #52 for the 1966-67 season, finishing behind “Iron Horse” and “Mr. Terrific.” After even worse ratings in 1968, it was canceled on September 2, 1969. (
1986: The Oprah Winfrey Show debuted on television.
1991: At their annual convention in Gweru, some 200 Zimbabwe medicine men accused international drug companies of stealing their formulas for ancient herbal remedies, making pills from them, and selling them for huge profits.
1994: Newlyweds Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley appeared on the MTV awards show.
1998: A man stole a 25-ton armored rocket launcher from a military base in Norway and went for a joy ride around the town of Setermoen before police arrested him. The man, dressed in a sergeant’s uniform, drove around for several hours, but no one was hurt.
1998: Mark McGwire of the St. Louis Cardinals hit his 62nd home run of the season, breaking a record that had stood for 37 years by Roger Maris. McGwire would eventually reach 70 home runs on September 27.
1999: A 37-year-old vodka-drinking, fire-breathing woman danced topless on an electrical tower beside a Seattle freeway bridge, snarling rush-hour traffic for over an hour. The light company cut power, leaving 5,000 customers without electricity. Police finally talked her down, halter-topped her, and arrested her.
2001: A Houston man finally was able to reach his cell phone and call for help after three days wedged in a storm sewer drain. Kevin Funchess fell into an open manhole at night crossing a street to pick up fried chicken at a restaurant. He was only three feet below the street, but no one heard his calls for help.
2003: The Recording Industry Association of America filed 261 copyright lawsuits across the country against Internet users for trading songs online.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (“Home Improvement”, voice of young Simba in The Lion King) Jonathan Taylor Thomas 34 (
- actor (Elliot in E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial, Legends of the Fall, Gangs of New York) Henry Thomas 44
- actor (the Scream movies, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl, Eight-Legged Freaks) David Arquette 44
- actress (“T.J. Hooker”, “Melrose Place”, “Spin City”, Firestarter) Heather Thomas 56 (
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1841 : Antonin Dvorak
1932 : Patsy Cline
1934 : Bill Parsons
1942 : Brian Cole (The Association)
1945 : Cathy Jean Giordano
1945 : Kelly Groucutt (Electric Light Orchestra)
1946 : Dean Daughtry (Atlanta Rhythm Section)
1947 : Ben Orr (The Cars)
1958 : David Lewis (Atlantic Starr)
1960 : David Steele (Fine Young Cannibals)
1960 : Aimee Mann
1979 : Pink
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
What animal is immune to rattlesnake bites?
Most animals go out of their way to avoid rattlesnakes, since their venom is strong enough to kill even large creatures. But the California ground squirrel (Otospermophilus beecheyi) has quite a different strategy for dealing with the venomous predator. If a rattlesnake is seen anywhere near a ground squirrel nest, the squirrels immediately mount an offensive campaign. They rush in and out, kicking sand at the snake, even biting it if they can. A snake might be buried in dirt and pebbles, or even killed by the feisty squirrels. The adult squirrels are partly immune to rattlesnake venom. A squirrel that is bitten by the snake during the fight usually suffers no long-term damage. Young squirrels are not quite so immune, so they tend to stay out of the fray.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Earlier this summer Brandon Heath celebrated the 20th anniversary of the date he decided to follow Jesus while at summer camp by attempted to raise enough money to send 20 kids to camp this year. Originally Brandon says his goal was 10 kids but his wife challenged him to trust that God would provide for 20 kids. However, Brandon announced this week that he was overwhelmed with the generosity of his social media followers who gave enough to send 31 kids to camp. Brandon says they are now getting letters from some of the kids and he wanted you to hear from one of them. It says: “Thank you for paying for me to come to Young Life camp. Young Life was the best experience of my life and if you didn’t pay for me, I wouldn’t have been able to experience it, so Thank You so so so much for that.”
Sanctus Real front man Matt Ham mitt is celebrating a special birthday this week. His son Bowen turns five years old on September 9th! Matt says he will be commemorating the milestone with a special edition of his Lead Me Lifecast. Bowen underwent his first open heart surgery soon after his birth and nearly died after the surgery.
Colton Dixon is single and his kitchen shows it. He shared a picture of his fridge, containing pizza lunchables, cream soda, milk, tea, and three different kinds of soda. Colton added that he had popcorn and chips in the pantry and the pizza was on the way. He said: Yup. This is a non married dudes fridge.
Jonny Diaz was recalling his high school baseball days this week. He shared: When I was a sophomore in high school, I went 1 for 3 off of Zack Greinke. Of course, Zack is now a well known professional baseball player.
Natalie Grant is sharing the Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins recipe that she likes to make for her family. She shared the recipe this week on Instagram. You can check it out here: https://t.co/JI1muzL0hz
Tenth Avenue North is featured on cans of Diet Dr. Pepper. Members of the band say their face is on a limited number of cans in the midwest. Front man Mike Donehey added: Good news. Even if you have diabetes, you can still enjoy a soda with my face on it.
A bit of trivia about Third Day: Did you know the day before the photoshoot for Conspiracy #5, Mac Powell bleached his hair and surprised everyone? The band re-released the picture this week, prompting Colton Dixon to post: bet he won’t do it again. Mac Powell’s response: double dog dare? http://t.co/EQCfjjbsdz
The Afters guitarist Matt has finally found a good use for all those notices left for him by the TSA after rummaging through his guitars. He said he is using them as buffers between the guitar strings at the top of his guitar to reduce studio noise.
A thought from Colton Dixon: Just realized that Joel Smallbone from for King and Country looks like Ricky Martin.
Jonny Diaz says his daughter Charlie Grace just laughed for the first time. Jonny tweeted: I could watch this for hours.
Matthew West recently took part in a Twitter question and answer time. Here are some of the results:
Q: What is your favorite song from the into the light album
A: I love singing Hello My Name Is every night… BUT there’s a song on that record called Unchangeable that I love.
Q: what is your favorite food?
A: a STEAK! But I guess you’re not supposed to eat red meat that much, so instead I’ll say… a STEAK! (don’t care)
Q: Curious to know if you & Emily still homeschool your daughters?
A: Yes we still homeschool our daughters and they will be on tour with me this fall!
Q: Next time you’re in PA, will you eat cheesecake on a stick with me?
A: absolutely! you had me at cheesecake on a stick.
Q: What was the last prank you pulled on somebody whether it’s your family, band members or an artist?
A: We used to pull up at a truck stop on tour and then while one of our band members was still inside, we would hide the bus…
Q: if you weren’t a musician, what career would you have? #MWChat
A: I would sell hot dogs at a baseball stadium. 🙂
Q: How would you describe your job to a 5 year old? #MWChat
A: great question. I would tell a 5 yr old that I sing, say silly things, and tell people about Jesus.
Q: Wondering what is your wife and girls favorite Mathew West song?
A: My wife is right here and I just asked her. She says “reason for the world” my daughters like “day one.”
Q: Do you remember your first show ever?? #MWchat
A: First official show was at a Barnes and Nobles bookstore in my hometown. Attendance: 2. Mom and Dad. Don’t laugh.
Q: What is one thing you’re really good at but wish you weren’t? #MWChat
A: I’m really good at eating ice cream, and I wish I wasn’t
Q: did you always want to be a christian singer or did you want to be something else?
A: I wanted to be a baseball player… That didn’t work out.
Q: even with all that you have accomplished, what is one thing that is a top goal that you still long to achieve?
A: I would like to write my first full book. Have written several devotional books. working on a full one now!
WEIRD & WACKY
|Police: Burglary suspect reveals plans with 911 ‘butt dial’
BRANCHBURG, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey man has been indicted on burglary charges after police say he inadvertently dialed 911 and let authorities in on his plans. Police say they heard Scott Robert Esser and an accomplice talk about breaking into homes, emptying drawers and stealing goods….
|Prison ordered for Michigan man in dirty sock deal
ADRIAN, Mich. (AP) — A man who tried to sell a backpack of dirty socks as marijuana has been sentenced to at least one year in a Michigan prison. Michael Suarez was sentenced Thursday for committing fraud through false pretenses. An unarmed robbery charge was dropped. Police say Suarez was…
|Companies to stop ‘revenge makeover’ ads using ex-governor photo
PHOENIX (AP) — Two online marketing companies that ceased publishing ads depicting former Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer as an over-the-hill divorcee who needed a “revenge makeover” could still face legal action from her. In a written statement, Brewer said that she was “pleased” they would stop…
|New Hampshire pulls bartending guides for sexual drink names
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — New Hampshire has pulled hundreds of bartending guides from state-run liquor stores after workers complained that the drink manuals contained sexually explicit and derogatory drink names such as “stripper mom.” HASH(0x140abd0) Workers started complaining to the commission…
|Lost Australian sheep yields 30 sweaters worth of fleece photo
CANBERRA, Australia (AP) — A lost, overgrown sheep found in Australian scrubland was shorn for perhaps the first time on Thursday, yielding 40 kilograms (89 pounds) of wool — the equivalent of 30 sweaters — and shedding almost half his body weight. Tammy Ven Dange, chief executive…
|Connecticut Gov. Malloy is photobombed by beluga whale photo
MYSTIC, Conn. (AP) — Connecticut Gov. Dannel P. Malloy has found himself upstaged by a beluga whale during a tourism news conference at the Mystic Aquarium. Malloy was standing in front of the Alaskan Coast exhibit Wednesday touting an increase in summer tourism in Connecticut when a whale…
|Fox News anchor sues Hasbro over toy hamster with her name photo
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — An anchor for Fox News is suing Hasbro for more than $5 million over a toy hamster that shares her name — and possibly even her resemblance. Harris Faulkner sued Hasbro this week over its plastic Harris Faulkner hamster, sold as part of the Pawtucket, Rhode…
|Sasquatch sighting! Maine police say Bigfoot artist nabbed photo
KENNEBUNK, Maine (AP) — Authorities have nabbed a man who’s accused of spray-painting images of Sasquatch on public property in Kennebunk, Maine. Police in the picturesque coastal town didn’t find the graffiti featuring Bigfoot all that amusing and charged 36-year-old Freeman Hatch with…
|China enlists monkeys to keep birds from spoiling big parade photo
BEIJING (AP) — China is leaning on the animal kingdom — including a squad of nest-wrecking monkeys — to ensure its military parade commemorating the end of World War II goes smoothly. To minimize the chances of birds striking engines during the many airplane flyovers connected to…
|Police: Man huffed keyboard spray after crash as cop watched
TOPSHAM, Maine (AP) — Police say a Maine man crashed his SUV into a guardrail on an interstate and then inhaled computer keyboard cleaner in front of the officer who pulled him over. Topsham Sgt. Robert Ramsay tells the Portland Press Herald (http://bit.ly/1JxG2kp) that 44-year-old John Yates…
|Senator with son named McKinley decries mountain name change
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — A state senator who named his son McKinley after North America’s tallest mountain peak isn’t too pleased with the president’s decision to change its name back to Denali. Sen. L. Scott Frantz, a Greenwich Republican and avid climber, says four of his children are named…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Near LA’s Koreatown, pastor tries to lift veil on drug abuse photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — In a blue-and-white church on the outskirts of Los Angeles’ Koreatown, pastor Young Ho Han is trying to lift the veil on a problem silently afflicting his community: drug abuse among young Korean-Americans. It’s an issue Han knows well, starting with his own addiction to…
|Plan targets health care bias against transgender people photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Mirroring a shift in society, the Obama administration proposed Thursday to ban discrimination against transgender people throughout the health care system. Once the proposed regulations are final, they should expand insurance coverage for gender transition and prohibit…
|Ukraine: sufficient vaccine coming to block polio outbreak
KIEV, Ukraine (AP) — One day after the World Health Organization confirmed two cases of polio in Ukrainian children, the country’s health minister says efforts are underway to import enough vaccine to prevent an outbreak. Health officials have warned for years that Ukraine was at risk of a…
|9/11 recovery workers: Congress must renew health programs photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Dozens of 9/11 rescue and recovery workers gathered at the World Trade Center site on Thursday to demand that Congress extend programs offering money and free health care to people exposed to toxic dust after the terror attacks. Since 2011, federal programs have offered…
|1st of Tanzanian albino kids with missing limbs goes home photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Kabula Nkarango Masanja returned home to Tanzania with a new American prosthetic arm replacing the limb that was chopped off with a machete by followers of African witchcraft. She’s one of Tanzania’s children with albinism, a condition that leaves people with little or no…
|Watchdog: 900,000 vets may have pending health care requests
WASHINGTON (AP) — Nearly 900,000 military veterans have officially pending applications for health care from the Department of Veterans Affairs, the department’s inspector general said Wednesday, but “serious” problems with enrollment data make it impossible to determine how many veterans…
|A bold move to save a man’s hand: Tucking it into his tummy photo
Casey Reyes struggled for a way to explain the “sci-fi” surgery doctors were proposing to save her 87-year-old grandfather’s badly burned hand. “They’re gonna put your hand inside your stomach, kind of like a hoodie,” she told him. Frank Reyes agreed to the strange operation at Houston Methodist…
|House Judiciary panel sets first Planned Parenthood hearing
WASHINGTON (AP) — The House Judiciary Committee will hold Congress’ first hearing on the Planned Parenthood videos next Wednesday. And the title they’re using leaves little doubt about where majority Republicans stand on the issue. The panel said next week’s session will be the first of…
|Legionnaires’ outbreaks not unusual in summer & early fall photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Legionnaires’ disease has been reported in a handful of states this summer, leading to 19 deaths and more than 100 illnesses. The unrelated cases are part of a typical pattern seen with a disease that tends to appear in warm weather and is mostly dangerous for people who…
|Approaching health law tax is not just a levy on luxury photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The last major piece of President Barack Obama’s health care law could raise costs for thrifty consumers as well as large corporations and union members when it takes effect in 2018. The so-called Cadillac tax was meant to discourage extravagant coverage. Critics say it’s a…
|Young at heart? Not most Americans, government report says photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Your heart might be older than you are. A new government report suggests age is just a number — and perhaps not a very telling one when it comes to your risk of heart attack or stroke. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report takes a new approach to try to…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
William Shakespeare may have been stoned when writing his famous plays. New research shows that four old pipes found in the garden of his English home contained residues of cannabis. *** Come to think of it, he did kinda look like “The Dude”.
A Texas man has been charged with misdemeanor theft after police say he drank two bottles of wine in a grocery store bathroom before stuffing sushi in his pants and trying to leave without paying. *** It doesn’t say so in the printed story, but I’m going to go ahead and go out on a limb here and say this guy is single.
A homeless Connecticut man faces charges after allegedly giving a 4-year-old boy a wet willy. *** He also asked the kid to pull his finger, which might also get him charged with air pollution.
Research shows if you’re an innie and not an outie, your belly button is home to at least 60 to 100 or more species of bacteria, fungi and yeasts. And although researchers (N.C. State) say they found 60 or 70 species of bacteria in the average belly button, they found more than 1,400 species overall. *** Good news, you’ll never have to feel alone ever again!
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Researchers at Yale University say that chocolate may be good for pregnant women. ***MARLAR: Especially if used as a pickle dip.
The spacesuits Neil Armstrong & Buzz Aldrin wore 2 the moon in 1969 were actually designed by Playtex. Yes, the tampon company. ***MARLAR: To the moon, Alice!!!!
A mall in Sydney, Australia is making news for banning loud kids. If your kid makes noise, you’re not welcome. Here’s the posted notice: “Stop. Parents please be considerate of other customers using the food court. Screaming children will not be tolerated in the center.” The mall’s manger said, “Parents have to be more responsible. We have had so many complaints.” ***MARLAR: Instead of bibs, the food court now distributes free ball gags.
According to Weekly World News (which we all know is a very distinguished news organization and should always be trusted), men are going extinct and scientists have now put them on the “endangered species” list. Professor Jenna Goodman even claims the male of the species is heading for extinction by the end of this century. Professor Goodman, one of England’s most influential scientists, believes that women will win the battle of the sexes – and men will be permanently vanquished. She says that the inherent fragility of the male sex chromosome, the Y sex chromosome, means that men will no longer be able to survive in the genetic pool. ***MARLAR: As a man, I have to say I am completely okay with this – and even excited about it. If we’re an endangered species, it means special treatment, federal dollars, and custom habitats built for us free of charge! You can’t disturb our natural surroundings without government officials coming down on you, and if you damage, hurt, maim, or even bruise us in any way you’ll be arrested. How is this NOT good for men? Too bad ladies – you may be the “fairer sex”, but you don’t have federal protection!
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Wheels On Luggage”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Gregory, “Camping”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson nailed down the hands on the island’s calendar clock so everyone would think every day was Saturday! Unfortunately, it’s been many, many days of Saturdays. There’s no food, and everyone is at each other’s throats wondering who is to blame!
CLOSE: Now that Marvy has come clean with what he’s done, will Razzleflabbin Island get back to normal? Will Karl stay? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 12/13, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were headed out for the best and biggest picnic they’d ever had. But Gruffy Bear insisted that they not have the picnic until they found the perfect picnic spot. They’ve already found a really nice spot – but it’s not good enough for Gruffy.
CLOSE: That sure sounded like the perfect picnic spot. What better place could they find? Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Own a Toyota? They want to know how comfortable it makes you feel… even on the OUTSIDE of the car!
A Toyota customer service survey is the source of our Moment of Duh today. The Toyota survey asked owners to indicate their impression of their Toyota vehicle in ”Performance, general handling, interior comfort, exterior comfort, interior styling.” ***MARLAR: Exterior comfort? Have they begun installing padding on the roof racks?
WIMPS NEED NOT APPLY
Our Program Director and General Manager have been having meetings all week – it’s just now that we’ve discovered that they’re looking for a new sales person. However, I did notice on the web the other day a job listing that looked suspicious to me – turns out it was for us! It talked about how we were looking for go-getter sales people – “NO WIMPS.” So… the question is, what exactly is a WIMP? We’ve come up with a few options:
- White Introverted Male Putz – we don’t want THAT on the sales team!
- Wily Intelligent Master Personality – that sounds way too heady. Besides, I already have the ego thing going, we don’t need somebody else doing that.
- Winner In Many Places – yeah, that could work.
- Western Iowa Meat Packer – well, as long as he’s willing to commute every day.
- Wasted In My Prime – yeah, but that describes just about every radio person on Earth.
- Wanderer Into Mountain Pastures – now that is one area we’ve not been looking for new blood – mountain pastures!
- Well Instructed Mandolin Player – I don’t think so. We don’t need to give our Program Director any ideas on changing the format.
- What Is My Problem? – but then we’re back to me again.
- Weird Insane Mental Patient – me.
- Where Is My Paycheck? – yeah, this one’s my favorite.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A woman has been arrested for two overdue library books!
FILE #1: A woman in Grafton, Wisconsin, has been arrested after failing to pay her library fines. Heidi Dalibor, 20, said she ignored the library’s calls, letters, and a notice to appear in court. She was still surprised when officers with a warrant knocked on her door, cuffed her and took her to the police station to be fingerprinted and photographed. Library director John Hanson said a couple of dozen people are cited each year for failure to return materials or pay fines. The incident cost Dalibor about $30 for the overdue paperbacks “White Oleander” and “Angels and Demons.” Her mother paid $172 to get Heidi out of jail.
FILE #2: A Goldsboro, North Carolina, couple returned home after a long business trip to find their house trashed, items missing and a teenager sleeping in their bed. Aaron Scott Everett, 16, was charged with breaking and entering, larceny and possession of stolen property. Police expect more arrests as the investigation continues. Ron and Barbara Watson found chicken bones, broken bottles, matches, guns, ammunition and human feces strewn about their home. Watson estimated the total cost in damage and stolen goods to be more than $30,000.
FILE #3: Officers in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin suburb of Greenfield say a woman celebrated her 37th birthday by helping her 17-year-old son rob two gas stations. Mom was the getaway driver while her son robbed the stations at gunpoint. Police said the woman’s 13-month-old daughter and two boys ages 10 and 14 rode along during the robberies. They were in custody by the end of the day.
STRANGE LAW: It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime in Montana.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
There’s really no talking your way out of a drunken-driving arrest, and a 49-year-old Greenfield, Wisconsin man sure wasn’t helping himself when he was pulled over.
The man drove almost hit a squad car. When pulled over by Waterford police and asked what he had to drink, he reportedly said, “What didn’t I have?” Next he went on a curse-filled tirade regarding Greenfield police officers. He was reminded that he was in Waterford, but the man responded by saying, “Franklin cops aren’t any better.” Police again told the drunk driver he was in Waterford, but then he made reference to “Oak Creek cops” not being any better. If you can’t even understand where you are, and refuse to take a police officer’s word that you’re in a particular place, you’re probably too intoxicated to drive. His blood-alcohol level registered a 0.18 on a breath test.
If you could change places with your boss for the day, would you? If so, what changes would you make in the office during your reign?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who had a harem with women who were “purified” with perfumes?
ANSWER: King Ahasuerus (Esther 2:12,13)
QUESTION: How many ways are there to make change for a U.S. dollar?
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The king of spades is the only king without a mustache on a standard playing card. (False – the King of Hearts is the only one)
- More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones. (True)
- More money is spent on stamp collecting than on any other hobby. (False – gardening)
- The hairless area of roughened skin at the tip of a bear’s snout is called the rhinarium. (True)
- In the 1900 Sears Roebuck company catalog, a piano cost $9.80. (False – $98.00)
- The junk mail that Americans receive in one day could produce enough energy to heat 250,000 homes. (True)
- There are 48 teaspoons in a cup. (True. Three teaspoons make a tablespoon and 16 tablespoons to a cup.)
- The most requested photo from the U.S. National Archives is a shot of President Kennedy being shot. (False – it’s the photo of Elvis offering his services as a drug enforcement agent to Nixon.)
- The name of the broken-down, partially blind old horse Ichabod Crane rode in Washington Irving’s Legend of Sleepy Hollow was Bullet. (False – Gunpowder)
- It takes 15 months of instruction at the Pentagon’s School of Music to turn out a bandleader, but merely 13 months to train a jet pilot. (True… at least, it was true in 19877 when Congressmen hear this fact and were shocked.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
FEDS TO SEIZE ALL __________ GUITARS (ACOUSTIC)
Federal agents raided guitar factories around the country today. They plan to seize all acoustic guitars.
Federal agents swooped in on Gibson Guitar, raiding factories and offices in Memphis and Nashville, seizing several pallets of wood, electronic files and guitars.
The Feds are saying that acoustic guitar makers are illegally harvested hardwoods from protected forests, such as the Madagascar ebony that makes for such lovely fretboards.
The Feds aren’t commenting on the raid. But a source inside the Obama Administration told Weekly World News, that the EPA has decided that most acoustic guitars use “endangered wood” and the EPS intends to put an end to “the raping of the environment for the sake of ‘cafe house’ guitarists.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be “Macho”, and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation:
“Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos.”
The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch’ but ‘herd’.”
“Herd of buffalos.”
“Sure, I’ve heard of buffalos. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”
Gail was going away for a few days and left her husband, Mike, a list of chores. For fun, she put down as Item 5: Think about your wife a lot.
After Gail returned, Mike proudly reported that he had completed every job. When she saw the list, however, each item except No. 5 had been crossed off.
“What’s this!” Gail exclaimed. “Didn’t you think about me while I was gone?”
Her chagrin vanished when he replied cheerfully, “I started to, but just never finished.”
While James Bond creator Ian Fleming only wrote 14 Bond novels, there have been many, many more 007 movies. Fleming did write another novel though… one that was made into a Disney film! Ian Fleming wrote “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!” ***MARLAR: I can hear Sean Connery in my head, “Bond… Chitty Chitty Bond Bond.”
It had to happen someday. Europe now has the world’s very first outpatient addiction treatment program for problem video gamers. ***MARLAR: It’s a two step program. Step one… take away the video games, step two… go outside.
When you were a little kid, remember how hard it was to get a cookie? Way in the back, unless your mom was really mean – then they’d be on top of the refrigerator.
Nowhere, anyplace on a package of Oreos does it say, ‘Keep out of reach of small children.’
Where’s the Liquid Drano? Under the sink, right next to the rest of the poisons.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
China’s ping-pong champion finally has a girlfriend!
China’s Wang Hao is the reigning ping pong world champion with two Olympic silver medals under his belt. You might say he had it all — well except for a girlfriend. Chinese officials had banned the 25-year-old from dating — because that’s what they do in communist countries. But that’s all changed now as national team officials permitted his relationship with former national teammate, 23-year-old Peng Luyang. Peng’s coach Qiao Yunping said, “Both of them are old enough and it’s normal.” Strict control of athletes’ personal lives is common in China’s rigid state-run sporting system — because that’s what they do in communist countries. Under the watchful eye of team officials, star athletes are often banned from dating or marrying until a certain age, restricted in endorsement contracts and sometimes have a large percentage of their winnings taken away. Because that’s what they do in communist countries.
CATCH OF A LIFETIME
There was once an 11 year old who went fishing every chance he got from the dock at his family’s cabin on an island in the middle of a New Hampshire lake. On the day before bass season opened, he and his father were fishing early in the evening, catching sunfish and perch with worms. Then he tied on a small silver lure and practiced casting. The lure struck the water and caused colored ripples in the sunset, then silver ripples as the moon rose over the lake.
When his pole doubled over, he knew something huge was on the other end. His father watched with admiration as the boy skillfully worked the fish alongside the dock. Finally he very gingerly lifted the exhausted fish from the water. It was the largest one he had ever seen, but it was a bass.
The boy and his father looked at the handsome fish, gills playing back and forth in the moonlight. The father lit a match and looked at his watch. It was 10 p.m. — two hours before the season opened. He looked at the fish, then at the boy. “You’ll have to put it back, son,” he said.
“Dad!” cried the boy. “There will be other fish,” said his father. “Not as big as this one,” cried the boy. He looked around the lake. No other fishermen or boats were anywhere around in the moonlight. He looked again at his father.
Even though no one had seen them, nor could anyone ever know what time he caught the fish, the boy could tell by the clarity of his father’s voice that the decision was not negotiable. He slowly worked the hook out of the lip of the huge bass, and lowered it into the black water. The creature swished its powerful body and disappeared. The boy suspected that he would never again see such a great fish.
That was 34 years ago. Today the boy is a successful architect in New York City. His father’s cabin is still there on the lake. He takes his own son and daughters fishing from the same dock.
And he was right. He has never again caught such a magnificent fish as the one he landed that night long ago. But he does see that same fish…again and again…every time he comes up against a question of ethics. For, as his father taught him, ethics are simple matters of right and wrong. It is only the practice of ethics that is difficult.
Do we do right when no one is looking? Do we refuse to cut corners to get the design in on time? Or refuse to trade stocks based on information that we know we aren’t supposed to have? We would if we were taught to put the fish back when we were young. For we would have learned the truth. The decision to do right lives fresh and fragrant in our memory. It is a story we will proudly tell our friends and grandchildren. Not about how we had a chance to beat the system and took it, but about how we did the right thing and were forever strengthened.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
COUNT ON IT
Read: Galatians 6:1-10
Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. —Galatians 6:7
A children’s book called The Chance World describes an imaginary planet where everything happens unpredictably. For example, the sun might rise one day or it might not, and it might appear at any hour. Some days the moon might come up in its place. One day you might jump up and not come down, and the next day find gravity so strong you can’t even lift your feet.
Scottish biologist Henry Drummond commented that in such a place, where natural law was nonexistent, “reason would be impossible. It would become a lunatic world with a population of lunatics.”
We should be thankful for the dependability of the natural laws that the Creator has set in motion. They are a great benefit to us if we recognize and respect them. If we violate those laws, however, we will suffer the consequences.
That is also true of God’s spiritual laws, such as the one in today’s text. The person who ignores God’s standards and caters to sinful appetites can expect destruction. But the person who follows the leading of the Holy Spirit will experience the blessings of everlasting life.
God’s laws never fail. For better or worse, you will reap what you sow. Count on it! —Richard De Haan
Surer than autumn’s harvests
Are harvests of thought and deed;
Like those that our hands have planted,
The yield will be like the seed. —Harris
When we sow seeds of sin, we can count on a harvest of judgment.
Want to torture anyone, anywhere? Then you want a portable karaoke machine!
Boy the Japanese just love that Karaoke don’t they? The Japanese toy company Takara Tomy has announced they will soon be selling a personal portable karaoke machine so you can belt out your favorite tunes anywhere and any time. The “Hi-kara” karaoke machine is a small 3-inch cube which weighs less than a pound and works just like a real machine. Once the singer selects a song, which can be downloaded off the Internet or from special music cartridges, the lyrics come up on a 2.4-inch display. The machine also has headphones and speakers attached. It’ll run about $100 bucks and is aimed at youngsters who cannot go into karaoke clubs that sell alcohol. If you didn’t know, Japan is the birthplace of the first karaoke machine and the name is derived from the Japanese word for “empty orchestra.” ***MARLAR: Strange, I thought it meant, “empty talent.”
LIFE… LIVE IT
HOW TO GET OUT OF A BURNING BUILDING… ALIVE
(Cosmopolitan) No one expects to be trapped in a burning building, but it happens, obviously. Memorize some survival strategies pronto from the National Fire Protection Association. Before a blaze happens:
- Make sure you have smoke alarms in every bedroom as well as on each floor, including the basement, of your home. They should be interconnected, so if one goes off, they all do. Test them once a month, and change the batteries once a year, fire departments recommend choosing Daylight Saving as a reminder.
- Establish and practice an escape plan that includes two ways out of each room.
- If you are staying in a hotel, take note of the nearest stairwells and fire exits.
- Install emergency release devices to any security bars on your windows or doors so they can be opened in seconds.
Once the fire has started:
- Get low, and go. Smoke rises, so air is easier to breathe closer to the floor. Stay as low as you can, and move fast.
- Close all doors between you and the fire as you leave. It’ll slow the spread of the flames.
- If your body or clothes are on fire, immediately drop to the floor or ground, cover your face with your hands, and keep rolling until you’ve smothered the flames.
- Call 911 from outside. The few seconds it takes to dial those three digits may prevent you from exiting safely.
- Once you’re safely outside, avoid the temptation to go back in for any reason.
If you’re trapped:
- Close doors between you and the flames. If possible, seal door cracks and air vents with duct tape or towels to prevent smoke from coming in.
- Call 911 to report your location, and if you can, go into a room with a window to await their arrival.
JUST FOR FUN
Man Uses Barbie Rod And Reel To Haul In Record Catch
It’s amazing what you can accomplish using a Barbie Doll fishing rod.
David Hayes’s granddaughter asked him to hold her Barbie rod and real while she went to the bathroom, which turned out to be a good thing for little Alyssa. Seconds after handing her granddad the Barbie rod, David landed a state record channel catfish weighing 21 pounds, 1 ounce – not much less than Alyssa weighs. According to the Winston-Salem Journal, the August 5th catch in eastern Wilkes County has been certified as a record by the North Carolina Wildlife Resources Commission. The fish was 32 inches long – 2 inches longer than the rod. ***MARLAR: They then drove home in Barbie’s pink trailer to make dinner at their Dream House.
YOU KNOW YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY WHEN…
- You’ve been at work for 4 hours before you notice that your fly is open.
- Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
- Your income tax refund check bounces.
- It costs more to fill up your car with gas than it did to buy it.
- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
- Nothing you own is actually paid for.
- People think your 40 and your only 25.
- You open your briefcase for the big meeting and find nothing in it but your 5-year-old’s coloring papers.
- Your secretary tells you that a film crew from some show named “60 Minutes” is waiting in your office.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
When parents hear their 3- or 4-year-old struggle with stuttering, many can’t help imagining all the ways it will cause them anxiety, especially when they enter preschool: they’ll be teased, have trouble making friends or be afraid to speak up. But a new Australian study, published in the journal Pediatrics, suggests that it’s fairly common for preschool-age children to stutter – and those that do tend to do just fine, both emotionally and socially. It’s important for parents to remember that stuttering is a neurological disorder, experts say, and so barking orders at a stuttering child to “slow down!” or “take a breath!” is not ultimately very helpful. Instead of telling them to slow down, for example, slow your own speech down, and the child will follow suit. Also: Don’t bombard the child with questions. Keep your full attention on the child when he or she is speaking, including eye contact. And build their confidence with very descriptive praise. All this advice, experts point out, isn’t just good for stuttering children – it’s good advice for dealing with any child.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP (Same material for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)
Studies by Barna Group Research and the Pew Forum seem to indicate that America is moving toward post-Christianity. In fact, in just two years, the percentage of Americans who are categorized as “post-Christian” accelerated from 37% in 2013 to 44% in 2015. In response, the organization Biblica is asking: how did we get here? According to a Mission Network News report, they say “Our research at Biblica Institute identified one glaring change in people’s Christian commitment, and that is in terms of Bible reading. The decline in Bible reading has been dramatic.” In fact, Biblica officials say that “If present trends continue, a two-thirds majority of America by 2030 will have virtually no knowledge of any Bible stories or biblical reference.” https://t.co/wi139TXfbl
Belgium scientists have combined the same species of yeast found in beer with chocolate to create a ‘super-chocolate’ that they say is better than any sweet treat you’ve ever tasted. The team claims that the yeast can be used to improve the flavour of chocolate – and they say the flavour can even be tailored to different preferences. Officials say the next step is commercial production of a range of tailor-made chocolates, using some of the novel yeasts. http://dailym.ai/1I6nmeg
A team of intercessors in Washington D.C. is calling the nation to rally together in unity to keep the fires of prayer and worship on the alter, 24/7 in our nation’s capital. According to Charisma News, “David’s Tent DC” is set to run 424 days, providing 10,000 hours of continuous worship from Sept. 11, 2015, through Nov. 8, 2016. This unprecedented gathering of worship on the National Mall will be right beside the Washington Monument. David’s Tent is inspired after King David’s devotion to the Lord in Jerusalem 3,000 years ago. David hired 4,000 musicians and 288 singers to minister to God continuously around the ark in a tent in his capital city. http://bit.ly/1heFFnd
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
It’s back! Fall football season. Lights were on at high school stadiums in our neighborhoods last Friday night. College teams kickoff this weekend. Pro players are getting ready for their final pre-season action, and those dreaded visits from a coach who asks members of that last group of cuts to “turn in your playbook.”
I love football season. But not as much as some. I don’t go to games, so obviously no tailgating. No big parties. Just a nice big screen will do with the ability to DVR the games I most want to watch.
To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I paid to see a sporting event. One, I can’t afford it! And two…being in media has offered me the blessing of free tickets courtesy of sports franchises, friends, or the radio station. And when sitting in the press box for games, they even feed you!
But get this: I even began passing up the great press box opportunity several years ago. That’s because there’s another cost to sporting events. Time. And more specifically for overly passionate sports-minded dads, time away from family.
I was sitting in the press box at a Pittsburgh Steelers game while my boys were in high school. They weren’t sports fans and there was only one press pass. So on several Sundays, I went. And left the family at home. Sometimes missing church in the process.
On that Sunday in Pittsburgh, my soul was jolted with the reality that I only had a few years left with my sons at home. And weekends were precious. And that ended my giving up Sundays and leaving family behind. Back then, I was videotaping games and watching them when we completed our family time.
My workplace blog today chooses to address another unfortunate cost from our love of sports: ripping off the company in our fantasy time. Okay, that is a bit aggressive — but look at the numbers.
This past week, Fox Business reported the estimates in company time taken up by those who play “fantasy football.” If correct, the nearly 60 million Americans and Canadians in this pretend world of sports could cost employers nearly $16 billion in lost wages. This number was generated from one of our Chicago consulting firms, Challenger, Gray, & Christmas. (Love that name.)
For those who don’t fantasize about football in this way, it’s defined as “a statistical game in which players compete against each other by managing groups of real players or position units selected from American football teams.” And according to the Fox article, “Fantasy players are expected to use one hour per week updating their rosters, making trades and checking injury reports at work.”
Now to be fair, plenty of sporting pools still exist. And there’s the annual March Madness bracketology competition consuming massive hours of employee time as well. Then we have the time in the break room — or wherever — where daily discussions focus on the great plays, the bad decisions of umpires, referees, and coaches, and where teams stand.
The twist that caught my attention in the story came from the CEO John Challenger of the aforementioned firm. Apparently, John is himself a fantasy football fan who belongs to multiple leagues! And his take is that this activity is a morale booster in the workplace and may increase productivity in the long run! Thus, employers should look the other way, adding, “It is impossible to reach full productivity.” Mull that over, dear business owner.
This is one of those business dilemmas that does not have a clear cut solution. Strict workplace legalists can argue (with some validity) that you are paid for work, not personal fun or chatter. Workplace realists know that if you remove all fun or non-work related personal discussions, on-the-job satisfaction drops.
Interesting, the Bible has a story about this kind of conflict. Two women who loved Jesus had him over a for a visit. One chose to sit at His feet and be blessed by His wisdom and his company. Her name was Mary. The other chose to be very busy with all the preparations. Her name was Martha. And she complained to Jesus about her sister’s insensitivity on the work that needed to be done.
Here is what she said: “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
And here is how Jesus replied, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42 / NLT) Best to think this one over.
Each employer must set their own guidelines for these kinds of workplace issues. And each employee owes it to their employer to respect those guidelines.
All work and no play, and Fantasy Football goes away. Here come the “boo birds.”
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
SEPTEMBER 02, 2015…
No Escape—Owen Wilson and family are transferred to the Middle East and before you know it, are in the middle of a military takeover. What to do and how to protect themselves. They don’t speak the language and are the hated Americans. Along comes Pierce Brosnan to help them. The cast includes Lake Bell. “No Escape” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.
*Note: Pan starring Hugh Jackman is now opening October 9
SEPTEMBER 04, 2015…
*Note: Moved from an earlier date: Jane Got A Gun—This western is set back in pioneer days and tells the story of Jane (Natalie Portman and she fought bad guys in “Star Wars“), who is married and lives on a nice, little ranch. She catches the eye of the bad guy (Ewan McGregor) and he ends up wounding her husband. Jane needs help, so goes to an old boyfriend, Joel Edgerton, and then the battle begins. “Jane Got A Gun” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.
Kitchen Sink—As in…“everything but the kitchen sink.“ This is a horror comedy that stars Vanessa Hudgens. A screamer, you think, well, sort of. The premise is that of a small town where vampires, humans and zombies peacefully co-exist. Until….aliens invade from space. You read that right. Also in the cast is Ed Westerwek. “Kitchen Sink” is rated R. No rating.
Mistress America—Co-written by Greta Gerwig, who also stars, this film is a story of a sister and her half-sister. The younger one, Lola Kirke, is going to college, and the older sister (Gerwig) with unconventional ways, comes to visit. Also in the cast is Heather Lind. “Mistress America” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Transporter Refueled—Jason Statham is not with this film series now, so newcomer Ed Skrein, comes on as the “transporter” Frank Martin. Skrein is an English rapper and beginning an acting career. A Transporter is someone paid to deliver an expensive item (which always meant trouble for Jason Statham.) Also in this cast are Ray Stevenson and Loan Chabanol. “Transporter Refueled” is rated R. No rating.
SEPTEMBER 09, 2015…
Time Out Of Mind stars Richard Gere as a man trying to reconcile with his daughter.
SEPTEMBER 11, 2015…
The Perfect Guy is about finding the right man and then, who is he, really? Stars Sanaa Lathan and Michael Ealy.
The Visit is a horror film from M. Night Shyamalan where children have dire adventures visiting grandparents. Stars Olivia DeJonge.
Sleeping With Other People was supposed to open August 20 and stars Jason Sudeikis
in a comedy about love.
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