September 08, 2017: Friday ONAIRprep

PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20170908
PDF: 20170908

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

And a reminder… you must be at least this tall to listen to my show.

There are two kinds of Saturday morning people: those who sleep in, and those who get up early to mow the lawn.  We would have instant world peace if someone would invent a stealth lawnmower.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.” –Ecclesiastes 9:10

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. –Ephesians 4:25

“You are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household.” — Ephesians 2:19

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. — Psalm 90:12

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. — Romans 8:18

Thought: “Life is hard. Anyone who tells you differently is trying to sell you something.” This line from the movie “The Princess Bride” is poignantly accurate. But it is not eternally accurate! Better days are ahead, and they are better than anything we can dare imagine. As the old song says, “O that will be, glory for me … when by Thy grace I shall look on His face, that will be glory …”

Prayer: Please, Almighty God, give me the courage and the vision to anticipate from afar the ultimate realization of grace that you have waiting for me and to truly believe that you are working to bring me home to you, and to that glory. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV = And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

TODAY IS FRIDAY – SEPTEMBER 08, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
107 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL BOSS/EMPLOYEE EXCHANGE DAY, a day for bosses and employees to share each other’s points of view for a day.  ***I can’t afford to change places with my boss – he’ll see how easy a job this is and assign it to an intern!

Today is INTERNATIONAL LITERRACY DAY, sponsored by the United Nations.  ***Wait a minute… is literacy really spelled with two “R”s? It’s spelled with two “R”s here…

Today is NATIONAL DATE NUT BREAD DAY.  ***Not to be confused with National Date A Nut Day, which may be more fun, but isn’t as good of a source of whole grain and fiber.

TODAY IS ALSO…

International Literacy Day
National Ampersand Day
National Dog Walker Appreciation Day
Pardon Day
Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Nurses Day
Stand Up To Cancer Day
Virgin Mary Day (birthday)
World Physical Therapy Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 09

Banana Day
Care Bears Share Your Care Day
International Buy A Priest A Beer Day
International Drive Your Studebaker Day
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day
Farmers’ Consumer Awareness Day
National Day of Remembrance for Aborted Children
National Hollerin’ Day
National Iguana Awareness Day
National Teddy Bear Day
Opposite Day (Do the Opposite of What You Normally Do. Breathing, living, etc. is the exception)
Prairie Day
Wonderful Weirdoes Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10

National Hug Your Hound Day
National Pet Memorial Day
Swap Ideas Day
(World) Suicide Prevention Day
Grandparent’s Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11

Libraries Remember Day
Miss America Pageant
National Day of Service and Remembrance
Patriot Day
Pet Rock Day
Remember Freedom Day

National Boss/Employee Exchange Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12

International Day for South-South Cooperation

Ants On A Log Day
National Day of Encouragement
National Police Woman’s Day
Video Games Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

International Chocolate Day
Kids Take Over The Kitchen Day
National Celiac Awareness Day
National Peanut Day
National Programmers Day
Roald Dahl Day
Scooby-Doo Day
Uncle Sam Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

Live Creative Day
National Kreme Filled Donut Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

Clean Up The World Weekend
Constitution Day/Pledge Across America
Felt Hat Day
Google.com Day
Greenpeace Day
Hug Your Boss Day
International Day of Democracy
International Dot Day
International Grenache Day
LGBT Center Awareness Day
National 8-Track Tape Day
National Cheese Toast Day
National On-line Learning Day
National POW/MIA Recognition Day
National Tradesmen Day
Tackle Kids Cancer Day

ON THIS DAY

1565: Don Pedro Menendez de Aviles of Spain landed in Florida and established the first permanent settlement of Europeans in North America, eventually to be called St. Augustine.

1922: At the second Miss America pageant, 16-year-old Mary Campbell of Columbus, Ohio, won the title. She won it again the following year, the only Miss America to serve two consecutive years.

1935: At age 19, singer Frank Sinatra launched his career with a group called The Hoboken Four on the Major Bowes Amateur Hour radio talent show.

1962: “Monster Mash” by Bobby “Boris” Pickett and the Crypt Kickers entered the music charts. No record company would touch the song, so Bobby pressed a thousand copies on his own label and sent them to key radio stations. It hit #1 and still plays every Halloween.

1965: In a game against the California Angels, Kansas City’s Bert Campaneris played a different position every inning, becoming the first major-leaguer to play all nine positions in a game. Catching in the 9th, he was injured trying to block the plate from runner Ed Kirkpatrick.

1966: Thursday night at 8:30 “Star Trek” debuted on NBC-TV with an episode entitled “The Man Trap.” The series was rated at #52 for the 1966-67 season, finishing behind “Iron Horse” and “Mr. Terrific.” After even worse ratings in 1968, it was canceled on September 2, 1969. (audio clip)

1986: The Oprah Winfrey Show debuted on television.

1991: At their annual convention in Gweru, some 200 Zimbabwe medicine men accused international drug companies of stealing their formulas for ancient herbal remedies, making pills from them, and selling them for huge profits.

1994: Newlyweds Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley appeared on the MTV awards show.

1998: A man stole a 25-ton armored rocket launcher from a military base in Norway and went for a joy ride around the town of Setermoen before police arrested him. The man, dressed in a sergeant’s uniform, drove around for several hours, but no one was hurt.

1998: Mark McGwire of the St. Louis Cardinals hit his 62nd home run of the season, breaking a record that had stood for 37 years by Roger Maris. McGwire would eventually reach 70 home runs on September 27.

1999: A 37-year-old vodka-drinking, fire-breathing woman danced topless on an electrical tower beside a Seattle freeway bridge, snarling rush-hour traffic for over an hour. The light company cut power, leaving 5,000 customers without electricity. Police finally talked her down, halter-topped her, and arrested her.

2001: A Houston man finally was able to reach his cell phone and call for help after three days wedged in a storm sewer drain. Kevin Funchess fell into an open manhole at night crossing a street to pick up fried chicken at a restaurant. He was only three feet below the street, but no one heard his calls for help.

2003: The Recording Industry Association of America filed 261 copyright lawsuits across the country against Internet users for trading songs online.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(None today)

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actor (“Home Improvement”, voice of young Simba in The Lion King) Jonathan Taylor Thomas 36 (audio clip)
  • actor (Elliot in E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial, Legends of the Fall, Gangs of New York) Henry Thomas 46
  • actor (the Scream movies, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl, Eight-Legged Freaks) David Arquette 46
  • actress (“T.J. Hooker”, “Melrose Place”, “Spin City”, Firestarter) Heather Thomas 58 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1841 : Antonin Dvorak

1932 : Patsy Cline

1934 : Bill Parsons

1942 : Brian Cole (The Association)

1945 : Cathy Jean Giordano

1945 : Kelly Groucutt (Electric Light Orchestra)

1946 : Dean Daughtry (Atlanta Rhythm Section)

1947 : Ben Orr (The Cars)

1958 : David Lewis (Atlantic Starr)

1960 : David Steele (Fine Young Cannibals)

1960 : Aimee Mann

1979 : Pink

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

What animal is immune to rattlesnake bites?

Most animals go out of their way to avoid rattlesnakes, since their venom is strong enough to kill even large creatures. But the California ground squirrel (Otospermophilus beecheyi) has quite a different strategy for dealing with the venomous predator. If a rattlesnake is seen anywhere near a ground squirrel nest, the squirrels immediately mount an offensive campaign. They rush in and out, kicking sand at the snake, even biting it if they can. A snake might be buried in dirt and pebbles, or even killed by the feisty squirrels. The adult squirrels are partly immune to rattlesnake venom. A squirrel that is bitten by the snake during the fight usually suffers no long-term damage. Young squirrels are not quite so immune, so they tend to stay out of the fray.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

California state lawmakers have approved designating a section of the 134 Freeway as the President Barack H. Obama Highway in honor of our previous president.  ***Although it is a toll road and requires change.

Excerpts from Hillary Clinton’s upcoming book What Happened, shows that she blames her defeat at least partly on her rival, Senator Bernie Sanders. ***Meanwhile, Bernie has, in turn, blamed his defeat on Hillary – but he’s not being a poor loser and writing a book about it.

Dr. Ashley Weinberg, who is an occupational psychologist and author of “Surviving the Workplace,” says we ignore incoming phone calls that we sense will be long and involved and take more effort. But not answering a cell phone comes with a price. It breaks an unwritten psychological contract, since we’re not living up to our family and friends’ expectations, asserts Weinberg.   ***Yes, but isn’t that why God created text messages and Facebook?

A Belgian postman lightened his mailbag by failing to deliver thousands of letters and packages for five years. He kept the extra mail in his apartment.  ***”Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night…” but I’m just not feeling up to it today.

In Detroit, a Jewish woman is suing Denny’s after the chain served her bacon in an omelet that wasn’t supposed to have any meat.  ***What ever happened to people just giving others the benefit of the doubt, it was a mistake, make me a new omelet.  How hard would that be?  And you know, if you don’t want meat… you do realize that if you let the eggs sit a while longer under the chicken that laid them, they BECOME MEAT!

A report says robots could wipe out another 6 million retail jobs in the next decade.  ***The downside is that instead of the robots saying to customers, “Thank you, please come again” – they keep saying “I’ll be back.”

Madonna says she’s moved to Portugal. ***Bringing it to a grand total of ONE celebrity who has made good on their promise to leave the country if Trump was elected.

Cher says she is not a fan of her own music.  ***Hey, that makes it unanimous!

British dentists are claiming that drinking prosecco, a northern Italian wine causes chronic tooth decay.  ***This shocking!  Who knew Britain had DENTISTS?!?!?

Hindus, vegetarians and vegans voiced outraged after Britain’s new polymer £5 note was found to contain animal fat. Now drug users are complaining the thicker and stronger plastic notes have left them with cut noses after trying to snort cocaine.  ***And as you know, nose comfort is the top item on the list when a government redesigns dollar bills.

Over half the people of the U.K. say they don’t belong to any organized religion. ***Personally, I don’t believe in organized religion, so I joined a disorganized religion. Last Sunday, the preacher overslept and arrived thirty minutes late with no sermon, and then the Ladies’ Auxiliary lost the names of people volunteering for next week’s bake sale.

A study of mainly British and North American Rock artists has found they are two to three times more likely to suffer a premature death than members of the general population. The lead author of the study says: “The paper clearly describes a population of rock and pop stars who are at a disproportionate risk of alcohol- and drug-related deaths.”  ***This study brought to you by the Center For Studying The Obvious.

Amazon has launched Brown Sugar, a new subscription-video-on-demand service featuring what it calls the biggest collection of the “baddest” African-American movies for its prime members. Among the titles they’re offering: “Blacula,” “Black Caesar,” “Cotton Comes to Harlem” and “Foxy Brown.”  ***Am I the only one who thinks this sounds racist?  I mean, if we created a new service called “Cracker” that featured only movies starring white people, what kind of uprising would there be?

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

According to a study, 50% of people have at least 50% of their hair turn gray by age 50.  ***The other 50% are parents who had to dye their hair beginning at the age of 26.

Researchers have determined the exact number of hours you can be sedentary during the day before you increase your risk of developing cardiac problems.  The magic number is 10 hours. ***Which is just about perfect for my daily binge-watching of NCIS on Netflix.

Research of newly married couples at the University of Tennessee, hypothesizes that couples in which the man is more attractive than the woman are generally less happy than pairs where the wife is better looking.  ***Which totally explains why I have such a happy marriage.

Eat more fiber and you just may live longer. That’s the message from the largest study of its kind to find a link between high-fiber diets and lower risks of death not only from heart disease, but from infectious and respiratory illnesses as well.   The government study also ties fiber with a lower risk of cancer deaths in men, but not women, possibly because men are more likely to die from cancers related to diet, like cancers of the esophagus. And it finds the overall benefit to be strongest for diets high in fiber from grains.   Most Americans aren’t getting enough roughage in their diets. The average American eats only about 15 grams of fiber each day, much less than the current daily recommendation of 25 grams for women and 38 grams for men, or 14 grams per 1,000 calories. For example, a slice of whole wheat bread contains 2 to 4 grams of fiber.  ***So yes, eating fiber may help you live longer – but those extra years will likely be spent sitting in the bathroom.

According to a study, 32-percent of people in the United States aged 18 to 24 say they use social networking in the bathroom.  The same report found that 51-percent of US adults between 25 and 34 use social networking in the office — more than any other age group.  ***So the next time you’re about to soil yourself waiting for an open toilet stall, you can blame Facebook.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey was in the hospital after hurting himself while trying to do things better than Steve Mozart. Mozart was also in the hospital, received all of the attention, made a miraculous recovery, and is headed out of the hospital with everyone following him…

CLOSE: It may be freezing in Siberia, but the good news is that there isn’t any Steve Mozart there! At least, that’s what Millard hopes. We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Own a Toyota? They want to know how comfortable it makes you feel… even on the OUTSIDE of the car!

A Toyota customer service survey is the source of our Moment of Duh today. The Toyota survey asked owners to indicate their impression of their Toyota vehicle in ”Performance, general handling, interior comfort, exterior comfort, interior styling.”  ***MARLAR: Exterior comfort? Have they begun installing padding on the roof racks?

TOP TEN

WIMPS NEED NOT APPLY

Our Program Director and General Manager have been having meetings all week – it’s just now that we’ve discovered that they’re looking for a new sales person. However, I did notice on the web the other day a job listing that looked suspicious to me – turns out it was for us! It talked about how we were looking for go-getter sales people – “NO WIMPS.” So… the question is, what exactly is a WIMP? We’ve come up with a few options:

  • White Introverted Male Putz – we don’t want THAT on the sales team!
  • Wily Intelligent Master Personality – that sounds way too heady. Besides, I already have the ego thing going, we don’t need somebody else doing that.
  • Winner In Many Places – yeah, that could work.
  • Western Iowa Meat Packer – well, as long as he’s willing to commute every day.
  • Wasted In My Prime – yeah, but that describes just about every radio person on Earth.
  • Wanderer Into Mountain Pastures – now that is one area we’ve not been looking for new blood – mountain pastures!
  • Well Instructed Mandolin Player – I don’t think so. We don’t need to give our Program Director any ideas on changing the format.
  • What Is My Problem? – but then we’re back to me again.
  • Weird Insane Mental Patient – me.
  • Where Is My Paycheck? – yeah, this one’s my favorite.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A woman has been arrested for two overdue library books!

FILE #1: A woman in Grafton, Wisconsin, has been arrested after failing to pay her library fines. Heidi Dalibor, 20, said she ignored the library’s calls, letters, and a notice to appear in court. She was still surprised when officers with a warrant knocked on her door, cuffed her and took her to the police station to be fingerprinted and photographed. Library director John Hanson said a couple of dozen people are cited each year for failure to return materials or pay fines. The incident cost Dalibor about $30 for the overdue paperbacks “White Oleander” and “Angels and Demons.” Her mother paid $172 to get Heidi out of jail.

FILE #2: A Goldsboro, North Carolina, couple returned home after a long business trip to find their house trashed, items missing and a teenager sleeping in their bed. Aaron Scott Everett, 16, was charged with breaking and entering, larceny and possession of stolen property. Police expect more arrests as the investigation continues. Ron and Barbara Watson found chicken bones, broken bottles, matches, guns, ammunition and human feces strewn about their home. Watson estimated the total cost in damage and stolen goods to be more than $30,000.

FILE #3: Officers in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin suburb of Greenfield say a woman celebrated her 37th birthday by helping her 17-year-old son rob two gas stations. Mom was the getaway driver while her son robbed the stations at gunpoint. Police said the woman’s 13-month-old daughter and two boys ages 10 and 14 rode along during the robberies. They were in custody by the end of the day.

STRANGE LAW: It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime in Montana.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

There’s really no talking your way out of a drunken-driving arrest, and a 49-year-old Greenfield, Wisconsin man sure wasn’t helping himself when he was pulled over. 

The man drove almost hit a squad car.  When pulled over by Waterford police and asked what he had to drink, he reportedly said, “What didn’t I have?”  Next he went on a curse-filled tirade regarding Greenfield police officers.  He was reminded that he was in Waterford, but the man responded by saying, “Franklin cops aren’t any better.”  Police again told the drunk driver he was in Waterford, but then he made reference to “Oak Creek cops” not being any better.  If you can’t even understand where you are, and refuse to take a police officer’s word that you’re in a particular place, you’re probably too intoxicated to drive.  His blood-alcohol level registered a 0.18 on a breath test. 

PHONER PHUN

If you could change places with your boss for the day, would you? If so, what changes would you make in the office during your reign?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who had a harem with women who were “purified” with perfumes?
ANSWER: King Ahasuerus (Esther 2:12,13)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many ways are there to make change for a U.S. dollar?

ANSWER: 293

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The king of spades is the only king without a mustache on a standard playing card. (False – the King of Hearts is the only one)

2. More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones. (True)

3. More money is spent on stamp collecting than on any other hobby. (False – gardening)

4. The hairless area of roughened skin at the tip of a bear’s snout is called the rhinarium. (True)

5. In the 1900 Sears Roebuck company catalog, a piano cost $9.80. (False – $98.00)

6. The junk mail that Americans receive in one day could produce enough energy to heat 250,000 homes. (True)

7. There are 48 teaspoons in a cup. (True. Three teaspoons make a tablespoon and 16 tablespoons to a cup.)

8. The most requested photo from the U.S. National Archives is a shot of President Kennedy being shot. (False – it’s the photo of Elvis offering his services as a drug enforcement agent to Nixon.)

9. The name of the broken-down, partially blind old horse Ichabod Crane rode in Washington Irving’s Legend of Sleepy Hollow was Bullet. (False – Gunpowder)

10. It takes 15 months of instruction at the Pentagon’s School of Music to turn out a bandleader, but merely 13 months to train a jet pilot. (True… at least, it was true in 19877 when Congressmen hear this fact and were shocked.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

FEDS TO SEIZE ALL __________ GUITARS (ACOUSTIC) 

Federal agents raided guitar factories around the country today. They plan to seize all acoustic guitars.

Federal agents swooped in on Gibson Guitar, raiding factories and offices in Memphis and Nashville, seizing several pallets of wood, electronic files and guitars.

The Feds are saying that acoustic guitar makers are illegally harvested hardwoods from protected forests, such as the Madagascar ebony that makes for such lovely fretboards.

The Feds aren’t commenting on the raid.  But a source inside the Obama Administration told Weekly World News, that the EPA has decided that most acoustic guitars use “endangered wood” and the EPS intends to put an end to “the raping of the environment for the sake of ‘cafe house’ guitarists.”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

JOKE #2

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be “Macho”, and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation:

“Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos.”

The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch’ but ‘herd’.”

“Heard what?”

“Herd of buffalos.”

“Sure, I’ve heard of buffalos. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”

JOKE #3

Gail was going away for a few days and left her husband, Mike, a list of chores. For fun, she put down as Item 5: Think about your wife a lot.

After Gail returned, Mike proudly reported that he had completed every job. When she saw the list, however, each item except No. 5 had been crossed off.

“What’s this!” Gail exclaimed. “Didn’t you think about me while I was gone?”

Her chagrin vanished when he replied cheerfully, “I started to, but just never finished.”

USELESS FACTS

While James Bond creator Ian Fleming only wrote 14 Bond novels, there have been many, many more 007 movies. Fleming did write another novel though… one that was made into a Disney film! Ian Fleming wrote “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!” ***I can hear Sean Connery in my head, “Bond… Chitty Chitty Bond Bond.”

It had to happen someday.  Europe now has the world’s very first outpatient addiction treatment program for problem video gamers.  ***It’s a two step program.  Step one… take away the video games, step two… go outside.

FEATURED FUNNIES

COOKIES

When you were a little kid, remember how hard it was to get a cookie? Way in the back, unless your mom was really mean – then they’d be on top of the refrigerator.
Nowhere, anyplace on a package of Oreos does it say, ‘Keep out of reach of small children.’
Where’s the Liquid Drano? Under the sink, right next to the rest of the poisons.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

China’s ping-pong champion finally has a girlfriend!

China’s Wang Hao is the reigning ping pong world champion with two Olympic silver medals under his belt. You might say he had it all — well except for a girlfriend. Chinese officials had banned the 25-year-old from dating — because that’s what they do in communist countries. But that’s all changed now as national team officials permitted his relationship with former national teammate, 23-year-old Peng Luyang. Peng’s coach Qiao Yunping said, “Both of them are old enough and it’s normal.” Strict control of athletes’ personal lives is common in China’s rigid state-run sporting system — because that’s what they do in communist countries. Under the watchful eye of team officials, star athletes are often banned from dating or marrying until a certain age, restricted in endorsement contracts and sometimes have a large percentage of their winnings taken away. Because that’s what they do in communist countries.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

CATCH OF A LIFETIME

There was once an 11 year old who went fishing every chance he got from the dock at his family’s cabin on an island in the middle of a New Hampshire lake. On the day before bass season opened, he and his father were fishing early in the evening, catching sunfish and perch with worms. Then he tied on a small silver lure and practiced casting. The lure struck the water and caused colored ripples in the sunset, then silver ripples as the moon rose over the lake.

When his pole doubled over, he knew something huge was on the other end. His father watched with admiration as the boy skillfully worked the fish alongside the dock. Finally he very gingerly lifted the exhausted fish from the water. It was the largest one he had ever seen, but it was a bass.

The boy and his father looked at the handsome fish, gills playing back and forth in the moonlight. The father lit a match and looked at his watch. It was 10 p.m. — two hours before the season opened. He looked at the fish, then at the boy. “You’ll have to put it back, son,” he said.

“Dad!” cried the boy. “There will be other fish,” said his father. “Not as big as this one,” cried the boy. He looked around the lake. No other fishermen or boats were anywhere around in the moonlight. He looked again at his father.

Even though no one had seen them, nor could anyone ever know what time he caught the fish, the boy could tell by the clarity of his father’s voice that the decision was not negotiable. He slowly worked the hook out of the lip of the huge bass, and lowered it into the black water. The creature swished its powerful body and disappeared. The boy suspected that he would never again see such a great fish.

That was 34 years ago. Today the boy is a successful architect in New York City. His father’s cabin is still there on the lake. He takes his own son and daughters fishing from the same dock.

And he was right. He has never again caught such a magnificent fish as the one he landed that night long ago. But he does see that same fish…again and again…every time he comes up against a question of ethics. For, as his father taught him, ethics are simple matters of right and wrong. It is only the practice of ethics that is difficult.

Do we do right when no one is looking? Do we refuse to cut corners to get the design in on time? Or refuse to trade stocks based on information that we know we aren’t supposed to have? We would if we were taught to put the fish back when we were young. For we would have learned the truth. The decision to do right lives fresh and fragrant in our memory. It is a story we will proudly tell our friends and grandchildren. Not about how we had a chance to beat the system and took it, but about how we did the right thing and were forever strengthened.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

COUNT ON IT

Read: Galatians 6:1-10

Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. —Galatians 6:7

A children’s book called The Chance World describes an imaginary planet where everything happens unpredictably. For example, the sun might rise one day or it might not, and it might appear at any hour. Some days the moon might come up in its place. One day you might jump up and not come down, and the next day find gravity so strong you can’t even lift your feet.

Scottish biologist Henry Drummond commented that in such a place, where natural law was nonexistent, “reason would be impossible. It would become a lunatic world with a population of lunatics.”

We should be thankful for the dependability of the natural laws that the Creator has set in motion. They are a great benefit to us if we recognize and respect them. If we violate those laws, however, we will suffer the consequences.

That is also true of God’s spiritual laws, such as the one in today’s text. The person who ignores God’s standards and caters to sinful appetites can expect destruction. But the person who follows the leading of the Holy Spirit will experience the blessings of everlasting life.

God’s laws never fail. For better or worse, you will reap what you sow. Count on it! —Richard De Haan

Surer than autumn’s harvests
Are harvests of thought and deed;
Like those that our hands have planted,
The yield will be like the seed. —Harris

When we sow seeds of sin, we can count on a harvest of judgment.

LEFTOVERS

Want to torture anyone, anywhere? Then you want a portable karaoke machine!

Boy the Japanese just love that Karaoke don’t they? The Japanese toy company Takara Tomy has announced they will soon be selling a personal portable karaoke machine so you can belt out your favorite tunes anywhere and any time. The “Hi-kara” karaoke machine is a small 3-inch cube which weighs less than a pound and works just like a real machine. Once the singer selects a song, which can be downloaded off the Internet or from special music cartridges, the lyrics come up on a 2.4-inch display. The machine also has headphones and speakers attached. It’ll run about $100 bucks and is aimed at youngsters who cannot go into karaoke clubs that sell alcohol. If you didn’t know, Japan is the birthplace of the first karaoke machine and the name is derived from the Japanese word for “empty orchestra.”  ***MARLAR: Strange, I thought it meant, “empty talent.”

LIFE… LIVE IT

HOW TO GET OUT OF A BURNING BUILDING… ALIVE

(Cosmopolitan) No one expects to be trapped in a burning building, but it happens, obviously. Memorize some survival strategies pronto from the National Fire Protection Association. Before a blaze happens:

  • Make sure you have smoke alarms in every bedroom as well as on each floor, including the basement, of your home. They should be interconnected, so if one goes off, they all do. Test them once a month, and change the batteries once a year, fire departments recommend choosing Daylight Saving as a reminder.
  • Establish and practice an escape plan that includes two ways out of each room.
  • If you are staying in a hotel, take note of the nearest stairwells and fire exits.
  • Install emergency release devices to any security bars on your windows or doors so they can be opened in seconds.

Once the fire has started:

  • Get low, and go. Smoke rises, so air is easier to breathe closer to the floor. Stay as low as you can, and move fast.
  • Close all doors between you and the fire as you leave. It’ll slow the spread of the flames.
  • If your body or clothes are on fire, immediately drop to the floor or ground, cover your face with your hands, and keep rolling until you’ve smothered the flames.
  • Call 911 from outside. The few seconds it takes to dial those three digits may prevent you from exiting safely.
  • Once you’re safely outside, avoid the temptation to go back in for any reason.

If you’re trapped:

  • Close doors between you and the flames. If possible, seal door cracks and air vents with duct tape or towels to prevent smoke from coming in.
  • Call 911 to report your location, and if you can, go into a room with a window to await their arrival.

JUST FOR FUN

Man Uses Barbie Rod And Reel To Haul In Record Catch

It’s amazing what you can accomplish using a Barbie Doll fishing rod.

David Hayes’s granddaughter asked him to hold her Barbie rod and real while she went to the bathroom, which turned out to be a good thing for little Alyssa. Seconds after handing her granddad the Barbie rod, David landed a state record channel catfish weighing 21 pounds, 1 ounce – not much less than Alyssa weighs. According to the Winston-Salem Journal, the August 5th catch in eastern Wilkes County has been certified as a record by the North Carolina Wildlife Resources Commission. The fish was 32 inches long – 2 inches longer than the rod.  ***MARLAR: They then drove home in Barbie’s pink trailer to make dinner at their Dream House. 

FUN LIST

YOU KNOW YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY WHEN…

  • You’ve been at work for 4 hours before you notice that your fly is open.

  • Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

  • Your income tax refund check bounces.

  • It costs more to fill up your car with gas than it did to buy it.

  • The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

  • Nothing you own is actually paid for.

  • People think your 40 and your only 25.

  • You open your briefcase for the big meeting and find nothing in it but your 5-year-old’s coloring papers.

  • Your secretary tells you that a film crew from some show named “60 Minutes” is waiting in your office.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

When parents hear their 3- or 4-year-old struggle with stuttering, many can’t help imagining all the ways it will cause them anxiety, especially when they enter preschool: they’ll be teased, have trouble making friends or be afraid to speak up.   But a new Australian study, published in the journal Pediatrics, suggests that it’s fairly common for preschool-age children to stutter – and those that do tend to do just fine, both emotionally and socially.  It’s important for parents to remember that stuttering is a neurological disorder, experts say, and so barking orders at a stuttering child to “slow down!” or “take a breath!” is not ultimately very helpful. Instead of telling them to slow down, for example, slow your own speech down, and the child will follow suit. Also: Don’t bombard the child with questions. Keep your full attention on the child when he or she is speaking, including eye contact. And build their confidence with very descriptive praise.  All this advice, experts point out, isn’t just good for stuttering children – it’s good advice for dealing with any child.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Falling in love always looks so easy in the movies. But a recent study indicates that Cupid’s arrow only hits the average person four times in their life. And if the responses are any predictor, if you miss making it with “The One,” you have only got about a 33 percent chance of winning them back. About 80 percent of those polled admitted to settling down with their second choice. And 61 percent harbored regrets about letting the love of their life go. The survey of 2,000 adults which was conducted to promote an opera company’s performance of the romantic classic Carousel also found that 40 percent had fallen in love with someone who did not return their feelings. Meanwhile, 77 percent of those polled said there was no point in worry about romance because they believe the heart will always want who the heart wants and you can not control it.

Who doesn’t indulge in a cheeseburger and fries every once in a while? You might want to think twice about that unless you’re willing to take a very long walk. It takes a woman two hours of brisk walking at 3.5 mph to work off the calories of just one cheeseburger — and that doesn’t even count the fries. If you knew that before you ate the burger, would you instead choose the salad with low-calorie dressing on the side? Or are menu listings of calorie-counts enough to make you choose the salad over the burger? That’s what researchers at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth wanted to find out. The study found that knowing the amount of calories doesn’t seem to impact our food choices, but knowing the amount of exercise we need to do to burn off the calories does have an effect on what we choose to eat — or not eat.

Being scared when it comes to getting a shot can help your body beat diseases. A recent study found that the stress over getting jabbed with a needle before a vaccination actually spurs the immune system to produce more germ fighting antibodies. And that will increase the body’s ability to fight the disease in the future. Scientists at England’s University of Birmingham found that the stressed out patients had elevated antibody levels and the greater the stress, the better the immunity system’s reaction.

All parents want their children to be smart, and it appears there is at least one way you can help make that happen: Read to them. A lot. Preschool-age children who regularly hear stories read to them have far better language skills than kids who don’t hear stories. Specifically, they show more activity in areas of the brain that are linked to word meanings and imagination, HealthDay News reports of research from the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center in Ohio. “It’s often said that reading builds brains,” study leader Dr. John Hutton told HealthDay News. “That seems obvious, but you want to show that it’s actually true.” The children who had the most story time at home also had more brain activity while they were listening to stories in the research lab. The difference was especially noticeable in the area of the brain that is involved in semantic processing, that is the ability to extract meaning from words. The brains of the kids who were read to the most, showed “particularly robust” activity where mental images are formed from what is heard, according to the researchers.

A guy from Alabama plans to mow grass in all 50 states. Rodney Smith Jr. started an organization that mows lawns for single mothers, veterans, and older Americans. He got the idea a couple of years ago when he saw an older man struggling to cut his grass. Raising Men Lawncare Service tries to start chapters in each state and encourages young men to mow 50 yards where they live. Read more about what this guy is doing and maybe mow a few lawns yourself at http://WeAreRaisingMen.com/.

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

While bus drivers are required to stick to their schedules, this compassionate driver did not mind stopping along his route to check up on a distressed teenage girl.  When the unidentified driver reportedly saw the youngster on Tuesday morning, he exited the bus to ask if she was okay.  She then said that she had gotten lost and she was worried that she would be late to her first day of high school.  The driver then called her a cab, gave her some fare money, and walked her to a nearby grocery store where she could be picked up.  One of the bus’s passengers, Lynsey Jayes of Leeds, England, posted a photo of the driver with the caption describing his good deed.  “This bus driver on the Number 16 this morning deserves a huge pat on the back,” Jayes wrote on Facebook. “A young girl waiting for the bus at the wrong side of the road and was upset she would be late for her first day at high school.  “The driver not only phoned her a taxi, he walked her to Tesco and he paid for it.  “Now that is a reason I don’t mind my bus running late for.”

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Well there won’t be any bail for 25-year-old Dijanelle Fowler, the Georgia woman accused of second-degree murder in the hot-car death of her 1-year-old daughter. Prosecutors say Fowler spent more than five hours getting her hair braided at a salon on June 19 while her infant daughter, Skylar Fowler, died in a vehicle whose temperature reached 129 degrees. Fowler reportedly even told the stylist, “No rush. Take your time.” Skylar’s father, Louis Williams II, is an Air Force reservist who was serving in the Middle East when their daughter died. Williams also requested denial of bond, saying Fowler confessed to him after giving several false accounts of the circumstances leading to their daughter’s death. Why Fowler – who says she left the car’s air-conditioning running, which apparently killed the battery – would leave her baby for so many hours on such a hot day is “the million dollar question,” says Capt. Jerry Lewis. Fowler was reportedly calm when she asked for a jump in the parking lot, after which she drove Skylar to Emory University Hospital. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 08, 2017…

IT—Stephen King wrote two thrillers that really caught my interest.  One is “Pet Semetary” and the other is “IT.”  A friend of mine did “IT” for Talking Books and used semi-liquid gelatin, slowly poured, as the monster going through the sewers. The basic story here, is about a monster, who poses as a clown. People disappear over the years on a regular basis, and what is going on?  It is up to a group of teens to figure things out and plot out what to do. In an earlier film adaptation, Tim Curry played the monster with chilling effect.  Now, it is Bill Skarsgard who dons the clown clothes and stalks the town. Jaeden Lieberher is the leader of the teen group, with Sophia Lillis, Finn Wolfhard, Jack Dylan Grazer, Jeremy Ray Taylor and Chosen Jacobs as the rest of his team. The kids work together well because they are “different” from the other kids in town and teased for it. “Different” being short in stature or overweight. “IT” will bring goosebumps and though it depicts teens, the story is intense. “IT” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

9/11—(opening date may be changed) This film is adapted from Patrick James Carson’s play “Elevator” and concerns five people trapped in an elevator during the 9/11 attack. What a situation to be in. Tension builds. The cast includes Charlie Sheen, Jacqueline Bisset, Whoopi Goldberg and Gina Gershon. “9/11” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

Rebel In The Rye—Nicholas Hoult has the lead role of author J. D. Salinger and his young career life before writing “Catcher In The Rye.” Zoey Deutch plays Oona O’Neill, his girlfriend, who is the daughter of Eugene O’Neill. Also in the cast are Kevin Spacey and Sarah Paulson. “Rebel In The Rye” is rated PG 13. No rating.

SEPTEMBER 15, 2017…

American Assassin is adapted from the Vince Flynn novel and stars Michael Keaton as a military trainer.

Brad’s Status stars Ben Stiller as an insecure man who thinks he doesn’t mix well with friends.

mother! has Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Barden dealing with unwelcome visitors.

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