September 09, 2016: Friday ONAIRprep

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AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160909

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Rated “Passable” by the National Association of Improved Digestion.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Sitting down, Jesus called the twelve and said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.”  –Mark 9:35

Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he? –Isaiah 2:22

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. — Psalm 143:10

Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. — 1 Corinthians 10:24

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

When men tell you to consult mediums and spiritists, who whisper and mutter, should not a people inquire of their God? Why consult the dead on behalf of the living? — Isaiah 8:19

Thought: We live in an age when people want to mix the contents of many mystical faiths into the boiling pot of their own pseudo-Christian religion. Most do not know that the basic claim of Scripture is simple and clear. Only God, the Almighty Yahweh, is truly God. Only the one true and living God is to be worshiped. Only this Abba Father is to be trusted. Yes, there are other spiritual powers, but these powers lead to despair, death, and destruction. Jesus triumphed over them for us on the cross (Colossians 2:13-15). Seek God and live.

Prayer: Almighty Father and holy Majesty on high, rekindle in our lands a passion to seek you in truth so that the world may know your grace, so that the people will honor your character, and so that the nations know your peace. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Psalm 9:9 NIV = The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

TODAY IS FRIDAY – SEPTEMBER 09, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 1
12 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is AUNTS DAY, a day to honor all your aunts.  ***MARLAR: The ones without antennae, of course.

Today is WONDERFUL WEIRDOS DAY, a day to thank the weirdos in your life.  ***MARLAR: Oh, and welcome to the show.

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Care Bears Share Your Care Day

International Buy a Priest a Beer Day

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day

Opposite Day

Banana Day

Stand Up To Cancer Day

COMING UP NEXT

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10

Farmer’s Consumer Awareness Day

International Drive Your Studebaker Day

National Day of Remembrance for Aborted Children

National Hollerin’ Day

National Iguana Awareness Day

Prairie Day

Swap Ideas Day

Suicide Prevention Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11

Pet Rock Day

Grandparents’ Day

Libraries Remember Day

Miss America Pageant

National Day of Service and Remembrance

National Hug Your Hound Day

Patriot Day

Remember Freedom Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 12

Day for South-South Cooperation

National Boss/Employee Exchange Day

National Programmers Day

Video Games Day

World Maritime Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

Kids Take Over The Kitchen Day

National Celiac Awareness Day

National Peanut Day

Roald Dahl Day

Scooby-Doo Day

National Pet Memorial Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

National Kreme Filled Donut Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

8-Track Tape Day

Felt Hat Day

Google.com Day

Greenpeace Day

International Day of Democracy

International Dot Day

National Cheese Toast Day

RAINN Day (Rape Abuse Incest National Network)

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16

Anne Dudley Bradstreet Day

Clean Up The World Weekend begins

Constitution Day/ Pledge Across America

International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer )***You add to the carbon dioxide problem just by spouting that long name!)

International Grenache Day

Mayflower Day

National Tattoo Story Day

National Guacamole Day

National POW/MIA Recognition Day

National Trademen Day

Play-Doh Day

Stay Away From Seattle Day

Stepfamily Day

Trail of Tears Commemoration Day

ON THIS DAY

ON THIS DAY

1776: The second Continental Congress made the term “United States” official, replacing “United Colonies.”

1926: RCA created the National Broadcasting Company and launched NBC Radio.

1956: Elvis Presley made the first of three appearances on TV’s Ed Sullivan Show. While Ed recovered from an auto accident, actor Charles Laughton introduced Elvis, who sang “Hound Dog,” “Don’t Be Cruel,” and “Reddy Teddy.”

1957: The same song was #1 on the Billboard pop, country & western, and rhythm & blues charts: Jerry Lee Lewis’ “Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On.”

1974: The TV comedy Rhoda debuted on CBS. Rhoda had been Mary Richards’ neighbor for five seasons on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” Valerie Harper was Rhoda, Julie Kavner was sister Brenda, and Nancy Walker played their mother, Ida Morgenstern. Lorenzo Music was the voice of Carlton the Doorman. Rhoda lasted four seasons. (audio clip)

1977: James Pfotenhauer was shot a record 1,362 feet by a 53-caliber Monarch-4 Supershot catapult in Escanaba, Michigan.

1978: Colonel Harland Sanders celebrated his 88th birthday at Kentucky Fried Chicken headquarters in Louisville by opening the world’s first chicken museum.

1982: Patti LaBelle and Al Green debuted on Broadway in the gospel-type musical “Your Arm’s Too Short to Box With God.”

1993: Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas told students in Columbus, Ohio, the biggest mistake of his life was dropping out of high school. Thomas said, if he’d gotten his diploma, he might have had 8,000 restaurants instead of only 4,000.

1995: Steffi Graf of Germany defeated Monica Seles to win her fourth U.S. Open women`s singles title in her first appearance since a fan stabbed her in 1993.

1996: In Colombia, Bogata’s flamboyant mayor Antanas Mockus stripped off his clothes to reveal a bright yellow and red “Civicman” suit to encourage citizens to respect city ordinances. Five years earlier Mockus had been fired for mooning his metaphysics students at National University.

1998: London’s Mojo magazine published a poll of 175 recording stars of all ages and nations who said their all-time favorite singer was Aretha Franklin. Frank Sinatra was #2, Ray Charles #3, John Lennon #4. Elvis was #7.

2002: Iraq challenged the U.S. to produce “one piece of evidence” that it was producing weapons of mass destruction.

2003: A 28-year-old pregnant woman received $400 for walking around London with an ad for MicroBabies painted on her stomach. Zoe Ellis, who was 8 months pregnant, said it was a fun idea and she was proud to rent out her “bump.”

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1087: William I, “The Conqueror” of England in 1066 and founder of several monasteries, dies.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • comedian (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore) Adam Sandler 50
  • actress (Little Darlings, TV shows “Family” & “Empty Nest”) Kristy McNichol 54 (audio clip)
  • actor (Two Weeks Notice, Four Weddings & A Funeral, Bridget Jones’ Diary) Hugh Grant 55
  • actress (Penny Robinson in the original “Lost in Space” TV series) Angela Cartwright 64 (audio clip)
  • actor (Batman, Mr. Mom, Beetlejuice, Birdman) Michael Keaton is 65
  • actor (Luke on “The Dukes of Hazzard” TV show) Tom Wopat 66 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1926 : Jake Carey (The Flamingos)

1940 : Joe Negroni (Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers)

1941 : Otis Redding; Born Otis Ray Redding Jr.

1941 : Duffy Power

1942 : Luther Simmons (The Main Ingredient)

1944 : Roger Waters (Pink Floyd)

1945 : Dee Dee Sharp

1946 : Billy Preston

1946 : Inez Foxx

1946 : Doug Ingle (Iron Butterfly)

1946 : Bruce Palmer (Buffalo Springfield)

1946 : Trevor Leslie Oaks (Showaddywaddy)

1947 : Freddy Weller (Paul Revere and the Raiders)

1952 : Dave Stewart (Eurythmics)

1970 : Macy Gray

1970 : Dray (Das EFX)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why is the pipe under your kitchen sink S-shaped?
Didn’t know I had been looking under your kitchen sink, did you? While we commonly refer to that curve in the pipe as “S,’ the proper name for it is a “P” trap. You insist it looks like an “S,” not a “P?” Complain to City Hall. Anyway, this bend in the pipe, or P trap, is there to create a water seal. It insures that only water, not air fills the pipe below that point. The reason for the water seal is so that you don’t get a whiff of what’s further down the pipe, if you get my meaning. Especially for those of us with septic systems. The odors from which would not boost your appetite one iota.
Source: WHY DO DOGS HAVE WET NOSES? By David Feldman

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Jamie Grace says food isn’t the key to her happiness but she has noticed a trend. She pointed out: every time I’m smiling, there’s always a taco nearby…

Third Day Road Pastor Nigel James shared Acts 1:8 recently. It says: ‘…you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to ends of the earth.’ Nigel then asked: How are you doing this? How about praying for a nation or ethnic group? Praying for a missionary or pastor overseas? Sending financial support? Going yourself?

Chris Tomlin on the impact of music: I think music is the art form that connects with the soul most quickly.

Some worship humor from the web site We Are Worship UK:

Little boy after church: “Mum, when I grow up I’m gonna play the drums.

His Mum replied: ‘you can’t grow up AND play drums.”

A bit of trivia about Jordan Feliz from Justin Paul. Before his album, “The River,” Jordan was an Uber driver.

Question of the day from Casting Crowns Mark Hall: On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your humility?

A reminder from Third Day Road Pastor Nigel James: Every so often it’s worth checking out our motives for following Jesus…culture? custom? convenience? cool? complacency? Conviction?

From Ryan Stevenson: Somedays, I wish I were 4 again, and I could just wear my rubber boots everywhere, for the rest of my life!

Ever wonder about the gear Newsboys guitarist Jody Davis uses on tour? A new video from the digital tour bus gives you the inside scoop. Check it out as Jodi talks his gear, about building his own guitars, and why he feels simplicity is best. http://digtb.us/2aofedt

Anita Renfroe is encouraging everyone to drink peppermint tea. Why? Because she says it makes your burps nicer.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

North Korea has unveiled its own version of Netflix called “Man Bang.”  *** And any subscribers doing a search for Seth Rogan’s movie “The Interview” are immediately executed.

Would-be rescuers in China were almost scared to death when a man they believed to have drowned suddenly woke up. The man had been fishing in a river when onlookers mistook him for a corpse and called for help.  *** If you’re fishing in such a way that you are face-down in the water, you’re doing it wrong.

Donald Trump latest attack against Hillary Clinton includes calling her “trigger happy and very unstable.”  ***Hillary replied, “Oh yeah – well it takes one to know one!”

As if Twitter’s deal to stream NFL Thursday Night Football didn’t convince you that the social network was going all-in on the NFL, maybe this will. Twitter announced Wednesday that they made a custom hashtag emoji for every NFL team.  *** I hear the San Francisco 49ers emoji sits down during the National Anthem.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

More than a third of U.S. adults sleep less than seven hours a night, and many of them report troubles concentrating, remembering and even driving.  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported the statistics in two separate studies.  In one study, about 35 percent of people surveyed in 12 states said they slept less than seven hours a night, on average.  The second study based on a national survey found about 23 percent said they had trouble concentrating because they were tired. Another 18 percent struggled to remember things, and 11 percent had difficulty driving or commuting.  ***MARLAR: On the plus side, they do make up for their lack of rest by sleeping on the job.

A new survey of mostly middle-aged adults reveals that among people aged 45 to 54, one in nine shows signs of hearing impairment.  ***MARLAR: For those of you who are between the ages of 45-54, I’ll repeat that again.  A NEW SURVEY OF MOSTLY MIDDLE-AGED ADULTS REVEALS THAT AMONG PEOPLE AGED 45-54, ONE IN NINE SHOWS SIGNS OF HEARING IMPAIRMENT!

Want to instantly turn back the clock ten years? Get a dog. Researchers found dogs make us more active, helping us feel 10 years younger. Dog owners also have lower levels of depression, which is why researchers suggest getting a pooch for your aging parents.  ***MARLAR: Get a dog for your ten-year-old, and it’s like they were never born!

Consumer blog Consumerist had a post on Redbox users who think handicap parking spaces are designed for them. The temptation is there — you’re just going to pull up for a minute or two to pick up or return a movie from the Redbox kiosk and the handicap parking spots are right there. It would be so much easier to pull into that spot than find one elsewhere and trek back. But, as Consumerist points out, it’s illegal and rude and you just shouldn’t do it.  ***MARLAR: Unless you’re renting a movie starring Adam Sandler – at which point you can make a solid argument for being mentally handicapped and legitimately use that parking space.

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Jelly Fish Gas”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Wood, “My Wife”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! We’ve secretly replaced our normal episode of As the Jungle Turns with a story that takes place on Razzleflabbin Island, where Marvy Snuffelson and all of the Razzleflabbins are about to come face to face with another Razzleflabbin… a Razzleflabbin that is PLAID! Let’s see if our audience notices…

CLOSE: You might think it’s a bit silly to be afraid of the someone that’s different – but how would you feel if someone came running up to you that was covered in stripes and lines all over his body? Maybe this Plaid Guy really is dangerous! Find out more next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 10/11

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, we found out the Plaid Guy – who all the Razzleflabbins had been terrified of for years, was actually a really nice guy! So nice, in fact, that the Razzleflabbins invited him to the barbecue and to the next day’s busy day of playing and singing!

CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another inspiringly inspiring inspiration story from the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A man accidentally triggers a Moment of Duh.

In what could bring new meaning to the term ‘triggering your memory,’ a Russian gun shop owner has been hospitalized after he demonstrated a gun’s trigger action by pretending to shoot himself in the head. As you may have guessed by now, he forgot the gun was loaded. He escaped instant death only because the gun was loaded with rubber bullets, although he was hospitalized with serious injuries.  ***MARLAR: On a side-note, I personally HAVE been shot… with a rubber bullet.  Without going into the lengthy details, let me tell you that it is excruciatingly painful. 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN DATING TIPS FOR MEN

There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date…

10.  I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

9. I refuse to get cable. That’s how they keep tabs on you.

8. People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.

7. I used to come here all the time with my ex.

6. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.

5. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

4. I like clay. It’s mushy.

3. I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.

2. And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

1. It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A thief’s conscience gets the better of him in today’s files of Law & Disorder!

FILE #1: A repentant thief has returned a laptop he stole from a computer shop after a salesman stumbled and broke his arm while chasing the bandit in the western town of Koblenz, Berlin police say.  “I’m sorry,” the thief said as he handed the laptop back to the clerk, according to Koblenz police. The thief had seen the clerk trip on the sidewalk and cry out in pain at his broken arm. After returning the computer the thief ran off, police said.

FILE #2: Paul Michael Callahan was a bank robber in search of a bank, according to police. He allegedly tried to rob a copy shop at Boston University thinking it was a bank.  Boston police said he walked into the shop and passed a note to a store employee asking for money. When he was told the shop wasn’t a bank, Callahan asked for directions to the nearest Fleet bank branch, police said.  About 40 minutes later, he allegedly robbed a Fleet branch — but came away with less than $200.  Later in the day, Callahan allegedly held up a Citizen’s Bank, making off with $2,500. But a bright red dye pack exploded as he fled in his truck, which got a flat tire not far away.  In a last-ditch effort to get away, police said Callahan, covered in red dye, abandoned his truck and ran to a gas station, where he asked a customer there to use his cell phone. He wanted to report his truck stolen.  Police found Callahan, 32, hiding in the gas station. He is scheduled to be arraigned on an armed robbery charge. More charges may follow, according to police.

FILE #3: Thomas Waldie of Glasgow, Scotland, was jailed for eight years for stabbing his twin brother John and puncturing his lung. Thomas had recently gotten an early release from a life prison sentence for a 1987 stabbing. Then he got into a vicious brawl with his twin John, himself a recently-released convicted double killer, over a Mars Bar.

STRANGE LAW: In Iowa, state law forbids any establishment from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Bribing your way out of a drunk driving conviction only works if you’re not thinking with a brain that is drunk!

Police in Iowa City say a man tried to buy his way out of a drunken driving bust with sandwiches. Mark Booth offered free subs in exchange for being let go. The officer declined. ***MARLAR: Maybe he should’ve tried doughnuts.

PHONER PHUN

It’s Wonderful Weirdos Day. Who is the weirdest person in your family? What makes that person such a wonderful weirdo?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was put in prison as a political enemy of the Philistines?
ANSWER: Samson (Judges 16:24)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: If you counted 24 hours a day, how long would it take you to reach one trillion?

ANSWER: It would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The oldest piano still in existence was built in 1520. (False – 1720)

2. USA Today went on sale in 1972. (False – September 15, 1982. The paper was ridiculed by critics as “McPaper” and “News McNuggets,” but is still in wide circulation.)

3. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave. (True)

4. Thomas Edison got a patent for making concrete furniture. (True. He also got a patent for a cigar which was supposed to burn forever)

5. The amount of tropical rain forest cut down each year is an area the size of Deleware. (False – Tennessee)

6. The Phillips-head screwdriver was invented in Michigan. (False – Oregon)

7. A large flawless emerald is worth more than large flawless diamond. (True)

8. The most sensitive finger is the thumb. (False – the forefinger)

9. An average human drinks about 16, 000 gallons of water in a lifetime. (True)

10. An average human scalp has 100,000 hairs. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

TOY STORY 4 WILL BE ________ (RATED R)

In a bold move, Pixar has confirmed that the popular media franchise “Toy Story” will see its next film rated “R.” The news has shocked the film industry and parents of the demographic once targeted for the adventures of Buzz Lightyear, Woody and the rest of the gang. Few details have emerged, but one rumor suggests that the story follows Andy into his steamy and exploratory college years. The films so far have been anything but adult-centered. Though Pixar films are known for appealing to a wide range of moviegoers with its all-resonant themes of bravery, friendship and celebration of nostalgia, this seems to be the first computer-animated film series — and certainly the first from Pixar — to so abruptly dive deep into the world explicit and crude-humored narrative.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home, because he was performing an appendectomy.
“My,” said the census taker, “that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?”
“Sure!” she said cheerfully. “Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn’t even include the anesthesiologist!”

JOKE #2

Checking out of the grocery store, Ellen noticed that the bag boy was eyeing her two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since her son is a blond Russian, while her daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.  The boy continued staring as he carried the groceries to the car.

Finally, he asked. “Those your kids?”

“Yes, they are!” Ellen answered proudly.

”They adopted?” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied.

“I thought so,” he concluded. “I figured you’re too old to have kids that small.”

JOKE #3

Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, “How did you get yourself into this?”

Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. “Are you okay?” I asked. “Can I help?”

He lifted his head and replied, “I’ll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker.”

USELESS FACTS

Research shows that 57% of home-cooked dinners in America have no vegetables!  ***MARLAR: Yeah, but if you’re eating steak – cows eat vegetables, you’re eating the cow, so it all works out.

An unnamed police officer in Minneapolis is being investigated for his bad habit of breaking into the Como Zoo so he can feed Pop-Tarts to the gorillas. Three gorillas, Schroeder, Gordy and Togo, were all fed the Kellogg’s breakfast food. Security guards spotted the officer on surveillance cameras. The zoo says the animals have not suffered any ill effects from the experience, but have never eaten the sugary treat before. (Ananova) ***MARLAR: And I understand the chimpanzees are also cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

FEATURED FUNNIES

“10 QUESTIONS”

Our local paper runs a popular column called “10 Questions” that spotlights people who live in our community.

In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age, people are asked the questions that give a snapshot look of their personalities.

Recently one woman was asked, “What’s the ‘strangest’ thing you ever bought?”

She answered, “Dog toothpaste.”

Next question, “What is the ‘most common’ thing people say to you?”

Her answer: “Where did you get such white teeth?”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

HER NAUSEA WILL GO ON

Coming up, a very unusual way to get someone to recovery quickly from paralysis!

Imagine suffering from botulism paralysis. When you recover, you’re completely aware of everything around you. You can hear, smell, see, all your senses are completely intact. The only problem is that you’re totally paralyzed for quite some time as you recover. This is what happened to one woman not long ago. Someone told the hospital staff that the woman liked Celine Dion songs… so the hospital played her music non-stop for two weeks, hoping it would speed along the woman’s recovery. When the paralysis left the woman one of the first joys she experienced was stopping the music because she, in fact, hated Celine Dion’s music.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD
While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground. “That’s my son over there,” she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.
“He’s a fine looking boy,” the man said. “That’s my son on the swing in the blue sweater.” Then, looking at his watch, he called to his son. “What do you say we go, Todd?”
Todd pleaded, “Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more minutes.” The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart’s content.
Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. “Time to go now?”
Again Todd pleaded, “Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes.” The man smiled and said, “O.K.”
“My, you certainly are a patient father,” the woman responded.
The man smiled and then said, “My older son Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I’d give anything for just five more minutes with him. I’ve vowed not to make the same mistake with Todd. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get five more minutes to watch him play.”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

A PEOPLE COMPANY

READ: Ephesians 6:1-9
Be obedient to those who are your masters. —Ephesians 6:5

My brother worked 42 years for the Herman Miller Furniture Company. At his retirement dinner he said, “This is my company. Where else could a production worker like me participate in the management of the company?” What had instilled this kind of loyalty? In part, it was the leadership of D. J. De Pree, longtime president of the company.
One day a worker in the plant died suddenly. When Mr. De Pree visited his widow, she told him of her husband’s poetry and of his witnessing to the night watchman. This impressed De Pree with the value of each of the workers in his plant. From then on, his attitude toward the business changed. “I realized,” he said, “that the manufacturer’s first priority was to make his product the best he could for the one who would use it; the second was the man in the factory who made it; and the third was the ownership.”
This attitude is rooted in Scripture. Christians in labor and in management all work for one Master. Employees must therefore serve with diligence. Management must do the same—with two additions. They must be fair and just (Col. 4:1) and must not threaten (Eph. 6:9).
Integrity, concern for others, and mutual respect make any company a people company. —Dennis J. De Haan

When integrity and people rate higher than pay and profits, everyone profits!

LEFTOVERS

DECAF PLANTS

Coming soon… plants with no caffeine.  Better get plenty of sleep in the future!

There may have made a huge breakthrough when it comes to making decaffeinated coffee. A group of scientists believe they are on the way to breeding coffee plants that actually produce “decaf”. Coffee plants that contain no caffeine could be a reality! Scientists have succeeded in cloning the gene responsible for an enzyme crucial to the synthesis of caffeine in both coffee and tea. By blocking the gene, caffeine-free coffee and tea can be grown.  ***MARLAR: The decaffeinated plants are the ones that look sleepy.

LIFE… LIVE IT

ANOTHER HELPING OF BACON-WRAPPED CHOCOLATE COVERED BAGELS, PLEASE!

Wouldn’t it be great if those foods you were told were bad for you turned out to actually be good for you?

(Sun) Forget everything you’ve heard about those “unhealthy” foods like chocolate, popcorn and pizza. They’re good for you, experts say. So are many other forbidden foods. Enjoy these not-so-sinful pleasures – guilt-free:

  • BACON — Sure it contains fat. But it’s also one of the best sources of iron you can put into your body. It’s packed with muscle-building protein and loaded with B vitamins thiamin and riboflavin.

  • PIZZA — The cooked tomatoes and tomato sauce in America’s favorite fast food are a source of one of the most powerful antioxidants known to man – lycopene, which fights cancer and slashes heart disease risk, Harvard researchers say. One eye-opening study found people who ate pizza once a week cut their cancer risk in half.

  • DARK CHOCOLATE — Fights cancer better than green tea, studies show. It also prevents heart disease. A study of Harvard graduates found people who were “chocoholics” lived longer.

  • POPCORN — Mayo Clinic researchers call it “a quality carbohydrate high in fiber and low in calories.” Best to pop in a mono-unsaturated fat like canola or olive oil.

  • BAGELS — Ball State University researchers found the disk-shaped treats provided cyclists with as much energy as granola bars.

JUST FOR FUN

GOOD WORKING’ FOR A GOOD LOOKING’ BOSS

Got a handsome boss?  Be careful… you might end up working extra hours for no pay!

Find yourself working extra hours, maybe even without any extra pay? It could be because of the way your boss looks. According to a new survey from Italy, workers there are more willing to work overtime, even without extra pay, if their boss is a handsome man. The study among 350 firms found that both male and female workers were less likely to ask for pay rises and more ready to tolerate stress if the boss was good-looking. The report suggested that the phenomenon was unique to Italy, a country where most bosses are male too.  ***MARLAR: And I keep trying to leave early.  What do you think that means?

FUN LIST

RESUMES

The following are a few gems taken from actual resumes:

  • “I don’t require prescription drugs.”

  • “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”

  • “Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice.”

  • “I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”

  • “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

  • “Number of dependents: 40.”

  • “Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”

  • “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

STICKY SITUATION

Aunt Jemima is destroying books in Tacoma, Washington!

Police are on the lookout for Aunt Jemima in Tacoma, Washington. It appears the lady has hit five libraries in the city, pouring maple syrup into the late-night book drops, destroying over $10,000 in books, video tapes, and CDs! Okay, maybe it’s not Aunt Jemima herself, but someone using her syrup. Or Log Cabin syrup. Regardless, somebody’s really causing a maple mess! Library spokesperson David Domkoski says vandalizing library books is nothing new, but he’s never seen anything that compares to this. “This has been the most damaging action anyone has done to us,” he said. Police are following leads and encouraging residents to be on the lookout for suspicious activity. In the meantime, all library book drops have been closed indefinitely. ***MARLAR: What a waste… of syrup.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A high school in South Carolina that barred students from bringing American flags to sporting events after they were allegedly used to taunt Hispanic students from another school, has since reversed its decision. According to the Christian Post, Travelers Rest High School Principal Lou Lavely insisted that he has “the utmost respect for our flag,” but argued that using it to display unsportsmanlike behavior is in itself “improper and disrespectful to our flag.” However, he agreed to reverse his position following an ‘uproar’ from members of the community. Officials stated that, “Instead of restricting possession of the flag, the TRHS administration will, if needed, address the misuse of the flag, or any other inappropriate behavior, on an individual basis.” http://ow.ly/uHf7303L8zn

If you’re an animal lover – specifically a dog lover – you’ll also love this story!  A happy ending to a lost dog story. According a Yahoo News, Edward Casas was boating in the middle of Lake Michigan with his wife when their son’s 10-month-old puppy, Rylee, fell overboard. By the time the couple realized he was gone the dog was no where to be seen. Edward called a lost dog search team but the night went by with no sightings. It wasn’t until the next morning that someone reported seeing the dog. Officials say Rylee swam over six miles and then walked another 12 miles through the woods before he was tracked down and returned to his owners. http://abcn.ws/2bS3Uud

When he was 2, Jeremy Shuler was reading books in English and Korean. At 6, he was studying calculus. Now, according to Yahoo news, at an age when most kids are attending middle school, the exuberant 12-year-old is a freshman at Cornell University, the youngest the Ivy League school has on record. Jeremy is the home-schooled child of two aerospace engineers who were living in Grand Prairie, Texas, when he applied to Cornell. While Jeremy’s elite-level SAT and Advanced Placement test scores in math and science at age 10 showed he was intellectually ready for college, Collins said what sealed the deal was his parents’ willingness to move to Ithaca. Jeremy’s father, Andy Shuler, transferred from Lockheed Martin in Texas to its location in upstate New York. http://yhoo.it/2bKgTM4

Television and movie star Kevin Sorbo is working on a new film about an atheist who, upon experiencing a near-death experience, converts to Christianity. According to the Christian Post, the movie is titled “Let There Be Light.” The film is in production and recently completed a shoot in Birmingham, Alabama.Sorbo’s wife Sam co-wrote the script for “Let There Be Light.” Sorbo also played an atheist in the surprise 2014 box office hit “God’s Not Dead.” There he played a professor who demands that all his students conclude that God is not real only to be challenged by a young Christian man. http://ow.ly/26Mg303UGAH

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

God loves everyone, but probably prefers “fruits of the spirit” over “religious nuts!”

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 09, 2016…

The Wild Life—Here is another version of “Robinson Crusoe.”  This time, the film is animated and concerns the animals who peacefully live on the island until a human is washed ashore. They decide to help, but soon pirates are there, too. Voice of Colin Metzger. “The Wild Life” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for animation fans.

When The Bough Breaks—A couple who can’t conceive a child decide on a surrogate mother. Things don’t go smoothly here, at all.  Morris Chestnut and Regina Hall are the would-be parents, while Jaz Sinclair is the surrogate mother. “When The Bough Breaks” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Sully—It had to happen, a film about the heroic landing of a passenger plane on the Hudson River in 2009. Tom Hanks is Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, gray hair and all, and we see what happened before, during and after the plane went down. Clint Eastwood directs. Also in the cast are Aaron Eckhart and Laura Linney. “Sully” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Before I Wake—Jacob Tremblay is a little boy without a family.  He is taken into a foster home and then adopted.  However, he has a problem.  He is afraid to go to sleep, fearing monsters.  Can he be helped? Also in the cast are Kate Bosworth and Thomas Jane. “Before I Wake” is rated PG 13.

(New Opening Date) Morgan—is a science fiction film about creating artificial life and decided whether to keep it or terminate it. Stars Kate Mara, Toby Jones, Michelle Yeoh and Anya Taylor-Joy. “Morgan” is rated PG 13. No rating.

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016…

Mr. Church is a different role for Eddie Murphy as he takes on the persona of a caring person helping a young girl and her sick mother.

Blair Witch is a sequel to the 1999 film with relatives of those disappeared going into the same wood area. Stars James Allan McCune.

Operation Avalanche concerns a government cover-up. Stars Matt Johnson.

Bridget Jones’s Baby and here is Renee Zellweger back as Bridget and pregnant. Who is the father?

Snowden has been put together by Oliver Stone and stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Snowden, the whistle-blower.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.