September 11, 2015: Friday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150911

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I would like to apologize for the lousy show I’m about to do today… I promise to try harder next time.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” –Matthew 16:26

 

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved. –Acts 4:12

 

We proclaim him [Jesus], admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we present everyone perfect in Christ. — Colossians 1:28

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

We were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow. — Job 8:9

 

Thought: While Job never learned why he suffered, he did learn his place in the universe before the Almighty God (Job 38-41). When we are young, time passes so very slowly — especially if we are waiting for something special! But as we get older, the years fly by more and more quickly. Yet despite all our learning, despite all our experience, we come to two great awakenings: our knowledge compared to what there is to know is so very small and our place in the passage of time is so very short. Both of these awakenings prepare us to turn our lives and future over to our God who longs to bring us to himself.

 

Prayer: Holy and Almighty God, my Abba Father, thank you so much for your overwhelming patience as you try to communicate your love to people like me with my limited abilities to comprehend your magnificence and glory. Please give me wisdom this week, to make the decisions I need to make and to choose your way and not my own. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Proverbs 9:11 NIV = For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

 

 

TODAY IS FRIDAY – SEPTEMBER 11, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 109 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  ONLY 497 DAYS UNTIL BARACK OBAMA LEAVES OFFICE.

(U.S.A. only) Today is PATRIOT DAY, marking the terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington, D.C., on September 11, 2001. Honor it in whatever way you feel led.

 

(U.S. & Canada) Today is 911 DAY, sponsored by the National Emergency Number Association. It’s a day to honor emergency phone workers. ***MARLAR: Preferably by not calling them.

 

Today is NATIONAL TRICKY HANDSHAKE DAY. ***MARLAR: Come… join our secret society…

 

Today is NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS DAY, a day to feel better by not reading, listening to, or watching the news. ***MARLAR: That means you can listen to my show because I NEVER have anything relevant to say!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Banana Day

Libraries Remember Day

National Day of Service and Remembrance

Patriot Day

Remember Freedom Day

Stand Up To Cancer Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12

International Day for South-South Cooperation

National Day of Remembrance for Aborted Children

National Hollerin’ Day

National Iguana Awareness Day

Prairie Day

Video Games Day

Farmer Consumer Awareness Day

International Drive Your Studebaker Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

Grandparents’ Day

International Chocolate Day

Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day

National Celiac Awareness Day

National Peanut Day

Roald Dahl Day

Scooby-Doo Day

Miss America Pageant

National Hug Your Hound Day

National Pet Memorial Day

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

National Kreme Filled Donut Day

Rosh Hashannah

World Maritime Day

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

Rosh Hashannah

8-Track Tape Day

Felt Hat Day

Get Ready Day

Google.com Day

Greenpeace Day

International Day of Democracy

International Dot Day

 

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16

Anne Bradstreet Day

International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer

Mayflower Day

National Guacamole Day

Play-Doh Day

School Backpack Awareness Day ***Huh? Are backpacks corrupting our kids without our knowing it?

Stay Away From Seattle Day

Stepfamily Day

Trail of Tears Commemoration Day

 

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 17

Citizenship Day

Constitution Day

International Country Music Day

RAINN Day (Rape Abuse Incest National Network)

Time’s Up Day

VFW Ladies Auxiliary Day

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

Air Force Birthday

Chiropractic Founders Day

Constitution Day/Pledge Across America

Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day

National Ceiling Fan Day

National Cheeseburger Day

National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day

National Respect Day

World Water Monitoring Day

Clean Up The World Weekend

National POW/MIA Recognition Day

National Trademen Day

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19

Clean Up The World Weekend

AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day

Big Whopper Liar Day

Boys’ and Girls’ Club Day for Kids

Fall Astronomy Day

International Eat An Apple Day

International Coastal Clean up Day

National Gymnastics Day

National Seatcheck Saturday 2015

Talk Like a Pirate Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20

Clean Up The World Weekend

Puppy Mill Awareness Day

Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play

Wife Appreciation Day

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21

International Day of Peace

Respect For The Aged Day

World Alzheimer’s Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1789: Alexander Hamilton was appointed the first Secretary of the Treasury.

 

1936: President Franklin Delano Roosevelt dedicated Boulder Dam (now Hoover Dam) in Nevada.

 

1962: The Beatles recorded their first single, Love Me Do.

 

1971: Former Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev died at age 77.

 

1971: The animated TV series “The Jackson Five”, featuring the voices of the five Jackson brothers, debuted on ABC. ***MARLAR: It lasted about as long as you could sing “ABC, easy as 1-2-3.” (

)

 

1981: First Lady Nancy Reagan spent $200-thousand on new china for the White House. She said they really needed it. ***MARLAR: We run into that problem at our house all the time too.

 

1985: Cincinnati Red Pete Rose’s 4,192nd hit broke Ty Cobb’s career record. President Ronald Reagan congratulated Rose by phone. ***MARLAR: And then asked if he could place a bet.

 

1992: An electrician at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility near Lucasville suffered serious burns while performing routine maintenance on the electric chair. ***MARLAR: Was there not a better place to sit and take a break?

 

1997: In Scotland, voters approved the establishment of a parliament to run their domestic affairs, after 290 years of union with England.

 

2001: Two hijacked commercial jets were crashed by terrorists into the north and south towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, causing the collapse of both towers. A short while later, another plane was crashed into the Pentagon, and fourth into a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(NONE TODAY)

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Lexie, the young girl in Jurassic Park) Ariana Richards 36 (Ariana is also a brilliant artist as well, and her depictions of the female form on canvas are flawless!)
  • soap actress (“General Hospital”, “Guiding Light”, “Loving”) Laura Wright 45 (
    )
  • actress (Cassandra on “Frasier”, Hot to Trot, Firewall, Dune) Virginia Madsen 52 (
    )
  • actor (“Police Woman”, the cook in Forbidden Planet, Frank Dominus on “Night Man”, Fred Duffy on “Caroline in the City”) Earl Holliman is 87

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1935 : Arvo Pärt

1943 : Mickey Hart(Grateful Dead)

1945 : Dennis Tufano (The Buckinghams)

1953 : Tommy Shaw (Styx)

1957 : Jon Moss (Culture Club)

1965 : Moby

1967 : Harry Connick, Jr.

1971 : Richard Ashcroft

1975 : Brad Fischetti (LFO)

1977 : Ludacris

1977 : Jon Buckland (Coldplay)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

From where did we get the expression, “laid-back,” meaning relaxed?

These are not easy times. Life is stressful. Work and personal relationships take a lot out of us. We get set up and put down, brought down and stood up. We’re often downcast and uptight. And where does it all end? We get laid out! All the more reason to find time somewhere in between the womb and the tomb to be laid back. From where do you suppose we get such an evocative expression? Picture a chaise lounge by a pool in Acapulco. Got it? Well get rid of it, because it’s the wrong picture. Conjure up instead a Harley-Davidson roaring down a rural highway. We’re talkin’ dudes on motorcycles, folks! The bikes are often built so that the rider is leaning back at a 45-degree angle, almost reclining. These guys seem to be having a near-sleep experience as they make enough noise to wake the dead.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Hawk Nelson is taking your requests this week. They are asking for help in selecting the list of songs to play on their fall tour with Newsboys. Simply make your suggestions by using the hashtag #hawknelson. However, they say there is one requirement. The songs requested have to actually be Hawk Nelson’s own songs. They tweeted: we haven’t mastered all the @onedirection covers yet…

 

Tenth Avenue North helped Whitworth University kick of their school year this week. Front man Mike Donehey tweeted: Talking to some students tonight, I was minded how God is much more interested in the posture of our hearts than the success of our careers. More than our failures, more than our achievements, God wants…us.

 

Kevin Max is currently raising money for a crowd funded cover CD titled Starry Eyes. This week he announced a surprise campaign update. Right now, when you pledge, you can download first 5 songs. http://t.co/MTIN7xm85k http://t.co/ryhXNYc20I

 

Audio Adrenaline has found a unique way to support Haiti’s Hands and Feet Project. Front man Adam Agee is offering to give VIP tickets to the person who wins the projects Fantasy Football League. A $50 entry donation gets you in the league.

 

A major step in parenthood for Kevin Max. This week he traded in for a minivan. Kevin said that, with four kids and a dog, it was a necessary part of dad life.

 

Another groaner from Citizen Way:  Someone stole my mood ring, I don’t know how I feel about that.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Berlin unearths granite head of Lenin after 24 years    photo
BERLIN (AP) — A 3,900-kilogram (8,600-pound) head of Vladimir Lenin that was removed from a Berlin square in 1991 has been unearthed for a new exhibition. The granite head was part of a 19-meter (62-foot) Lenin figure unveiled in 1970 on East Berlin’s Leninplatz, or Lenin Square. After German…

 

Appalachian Trail record holder pays fine for Maine bubbly    photo
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — An ultramarathoner who set the speed record for completing the Appalachian Trail paid a $500 fine Wednesday to settle citations over his celebration atop Maine’s Mount Katahdin that struck a nerve with park officials worried about crowding and commercialization of the…
Woman stops by Colorado police station to hug officer    photo
ARVADA, Colo. (AP) — The Arvada, Colorado, Police Department has posted a photo on its Facebook account of a woman who came into the station just so she could hug an officer. KMGH-TV (http://bit.ly/1IW0jyF) reports the woman told police on Monday she was upset about the deaths of law…
Canadian couple watches beach home burglary via web cam
FORT MYERS, Fla. (AP) — A Canadian couple watched via web cam as a man broke into their Florida vacation home on Fort Myers Beach before turning the video over to authorities. The surveillance tape helped Lee County sheriff’s deputies arrest 45-year-old Thomas Hinton on Sunday, the day after…
Owner of wayward chicken in San Francisco comes forward
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — The owner of a wayward chicken that fouled up traffic at the Oakland-San Francisco Bay Bridge last week reclaimed his bird Tuesday and planned to take it to an elementary school garden like he intended to do the day the chicken escaped from a cardboard box in his pickup…
Loose monkey makes life a little bananas in Kentucky town
OWINGSVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Kentucky wildlife officials have captured a monkey on the loose in a small town. State police and Bath County deputies had been helping Kentucky Fish and Wildlife officers with their monkey business in the town of Owingsville. Media reports say officials had to…
Miss America parade shoes unveiled as competition begins    photo
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (AP) — Contestants in the 2016 Miss America pageant will wear butterflies, snowflakes, dice, potatoes and dinosaurs on their shoes when they hit the Atlantic City Boardwalk this week. The Miss America Organization on Tuesday unveiled the footwear that each of the 52…
King Kamehameha statue’s spear found on banks of channel    photo
HONOLULU (AP) — Detectives have found the spear that was taken from King Kamehameha’s (cah-MEH’-ha-MEH’-ha) statue on Hawaii’s Big Island. The top section of the spear held by a statue of the Hawaiian warrior was reported missing Sunday. Detectives returned to the scene to continue…
Despite 90-degree weather, school district declares snow day
KEYPORT, N.J. (AP) — On a day when temperatures surged past 90 degrees in central New Jersey, an electrical problem has forced a school district to declare a snow day. Classes were canceled Tuesday in Keyport because of a malfunctioning component at the district’s elementary school. Officials…
Police: Stuck on elevator, burglar forced to call 911
LAUREL, Del. (AP) — Authorities say a burglar who broke into a middle school got stuck on an elevator and was forced to call 911 for help. Local media outlets report that police say 19-year-old Michael Claude of Laurel broke into the school Monday. Officials say he was riding down the…
Kansas State says it will pay fine after band performance
Kansas State will pay a $5,000 fine and its marching band will perform without its director later this season as part of self-imposed sanctions following a routine that turned into a widespread social-media meme over the weekend. The school also said Tuesday it would require approval of all future…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Regulators halt study of cancer risks at 7 nuclear plants
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — Federal regulators are pulling the plug on a five-year study of the risk of cancer in communities around six U.S. nuclear plants and a nuclear fuel site. Remaining work on a pilot study would take too long, at more than three years, and cost too much, at $8 million, the…

 

Surgeon general calls for steps to promote healthy walking    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Take a walk: That’s the U.S. surgeon general’s prescription for sedentary Americans — but communities will have to step up, too, and make neighborhoods easier and safer for foot traffic. Only half of adults and just over a quarter of high school students get the amount…
House chairman: Planned Parenthood probe protects taxpayers    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Opening long-awaited congressional hearings, a top Republican said Wednesday an investigation of Planned Parenthood was intended to protect taxpayers from the kind of “horrors” suggested by secretly recorded videos of group officials discussing the sale of tissue from…
In a 1st, New York to require salt warnings on eatery menus    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Some sub sandwiches, movie theater pretzels and even milkshakes and salads will soon come with a first-of-its-kind salt warning symbol in New York City after officials agreed Wednesday to stake out new ground in a national push for healthier eating habits. The city Board of…
Second death reported in nationwide salmonella outbreak
SAN DIEGO (AP) — A Texas woman has become the second person to die in a nationwide salmonella outbreak linked to tainted cucumbers sold by a California company, health officials reported Wednesday. The woman, who already had other serious health issues, died in late August and medical records…
NYC ends consent requirement for circumcision suction ritual    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — People who perform an ultra-Orthodox Jewish circumcision suction ritual will no longer have to get parents to sign acknowledgements of potential health risks, the city Board of Health decided Wednesday, reversing a policy that pitted health officials against religious leaders…
California lawmakers approve right-to-die legislation    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — The state Assembly approved legislation Wednesday that would allow terminally ill patients to legally end their lives after an emotional and deeply personal debate, sending the proposal to the Senate that is expected to endorse it. It was the second effort by…
Health insurance signups near 10 million in midyear report    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — About 9.9 million people have signed up and paid for health insurance under President Barack Obama’s health care law, the administration said Tuesday, a slight dip from a previous count but on track toward the administration’s year-end goal of 9.1 million. The U.S. Department…
Extreme preemies make survival gains, 20-year study finds
CHICAGO (AP) — Odds have improved that many extremely premature U.S. infants will survive without major problems, although prospects remain poor for the smallest and youngest, born nearly four months too soon, a government-funded study found. The findings suggest that the age of viability…
3 tips for adjusting to changes in primary health care
The family doctor visit is getting complicated. Drugstores and other retailers are opening clinics that offer care alternatives. Shrinking insurance has made routine visits to a physician more expensive for many. Here are three tips for navigating this evolving world: ___ 1. OWN YOUR CARE Patients…
Retail clinics, apps change doctor-patient relationship    photo
Tom Coote suspected the stabbing pain in his abdomen was serious, but the harried doctor at the urgent care center suggested it was merely indigestion. Coote also suspected that his recently retired family physician would have taken more time to diagnose what turned out to be appendicitis. “Even…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

The beer was flowing on a Florida interstate after a Budweiser truck overturned. Beer cans were laying along the highway north of Tampa after the truck driver became distracted by a small dog riding in the cab and lost control of the vehicle. The interstate had to be closed for three hours.  *** Can you be charged with drunk driving if it’s the road that’s blitzed?

 

Pittsburgh police say a 71-year-old woman was wounded while knitting inside her home. The woman was shot in the leg Monday night. She was taken to a nearby hospital in stable condition. Officers recovered five shell casings near a basketball court across the street.  *** They were playing basketball trying to shoot for “all net”, and they shot a woman for all knitting.

 

The UFC’s Ronda Rousey is set to star in a reboot of the classic Patrick Swayze movie “Road House.”  ***I would give my opinion on this, commenting on Ronda’s acting abilities – but I would prefer to keep my arms attached to my torso.

 

Donald Trump’s continued popularity is reportedly causing Mitt Romney to consider entering the presidential race.  ***Because obviously we need someone on the ticket with better hair.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

For many teachers and parents, those text abbreviations may spell the end of literacy as we know it, but a growing body of research indicates that text messages can actually help students’ ability to spell.   It may seem counterintuitive to those who wonder how hours spent slinging digital slang can’t help but translate into “lol”-peppered formal correspondence. But language experts say that no matter how dumbed-down the techno shorthand looks, the wordplay has a positive impact on students’ spelling smarts. ***MARLAR: Unfortunately, the language experts spelled the phrase “dumbed-down” without the letter “B”.

 

A study reported in the Archives of Family Medicine which concluded that caffeine is added to colas not for flavor but to get consumers addicted to them. ***MARLAR: Soft drink manufacturers say that caffeine is added to colas strictly to make them taste better, and they plan to stay up around the clock and work like crazy for weeks without a break or sleep to prove their point.

 

The more fat you take in, the more food you may consume overall, leading to weight gain, a study from Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, reveals. A high-fat diet disrupted the body clock of mice, causing them to eat up a storm when they should have been asleep.  ***MARLAR: Wait a minute… let me see if I understand this.  The more fat you eat, the fatter you get?  Reeeeally?  Gee, who’d a thunk it?

 

Researchers announced that they have figured out that they can cut the fat of a chocolate bar in half by infusing the bar with liquid such as water, fruit juice or soda. ***I know what liquid you can infuse my chocolate bar with. Chocolate milk.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “911 Emergency”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Michelle Krajecki, “Nuh-Uh”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never ending saga that is As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was singing show tunes and getting ready to go on a picnic. He had everything ready to go and was just about to take off when Millard the Monkey stopped by…

 

CLOSE: The best picnic the jungle animals have ever had… now that DOES sound like fun! We’ll find out how much fun next time, As the Jungle Turns!
 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 12/13, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were headed out for the best and biggest picnic they’d ever had. But Gruffy Bear insisted that they not have the picnic until they found the perfect picnic spot. They’ve already found a really nice spot – but it’s not good enough for Gruffy.

 

CLOSE: That sure sounded like the perfect picnic spot. What better place could they find? Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Some people are just desperate to get their satellite television.

Today’s Moment of Duh comes from Holland with the story of a thief who had really bad timing. He wanted to steal a satellite dish but unfortunately for him the dish he chose to steal was in use at the time… by a homeowner who was very interested in a soccer game and who was not happy when he missed seeing a goal. The sounds of the homeowner cursing the TV sent the criminal scurrying from the roof. Police are still looking for him.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN LEAST NECESSARY BACK-TO-SCHOOL ITEMS

 

  1. Self sharpening pen

 

  1. “Your Scientific Guide to the Planet Pluto”, for that first book report

 

  1. The new Dell Pyromaniac PC

 

  1. Mini-fridge backpack

 

  1. Left handed Crayons

 

  1. Ziploc gym bags to lock in the freshness

 

  1. Lemon scented white out

 

  1. Three-ring nose punch

 

  1. “256 Shades of Gray” Box of Crayons

 

  1. Low fat, low cholesterol paste

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If you’re robbed by friends, it’s really easy to hunt them down.

 

FILE #1: Jared Colwell and three other Utah men were just trying to sleep at 3:00am when two men in ski masks busted in the door. Jared’s brother Cooper was asleep on the couch. The men in masks began yelling, telling them to get up and give them all their money, wallets, and cell phones. Jared says he was so shocked that nothing was going through his head as he handed over all his belongings. The robbers left, but Jared and Cooper thought they may have recognized one of the voices as a friend who had stayed with them for a couple of weeks before. So the boys came up with a plan. Jared figured they had his phone so he tried to call it a couple times, when they didn’t pick up he sent a text message. The text message said “Randy, I really want my phone back. I’ll pay you $300 for the phone right now.” It took twenty minutes before a response came back that said “Okay, let’s do this.” The plan was to meet and do the exchange at a nearby store. To everyone’s surprise the suspects showed up to the arranged meeting place and hid behind the dumpster behind the store. When they came out to try and rob their victims of the $300, instead they found police who immediately took them into custody.

 

FILE #2: A Chicago man faces criminal charges after trying to beat up the dog that is well known worldwide for “Taking A Bite Out Of Crime”! 18 year old Darrell Worlds has been charged with battery for hitting a 14-year-old who was dressed as “McGruff, The Crime Dog” at an Orland Hills Jamboree festival. McGruff was just walking through the festival and shaking hands with children at the time when Worlds tried ripping off his mask to run away with his head.

 

FILE #3: No one can say the government of Thailand is soft on white collar crime. A few years back, a woman was convicted of swindling the public out of millions of dollars while working as an investment guru for the government. The judge sentenced her to 141,078 years behind bars. According to Guinness, that’s the longest sentence ever given anywhere in the world.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Columbus Ohio, it is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A man decides to go to bed… in someone else’s house!

Police charged a man with burglary and disorderly conduct after he allegedly wandered into a neighbor’s home, stripped off his clothes and fell asleep in a 6-year-old’s bed. A man, 26, was arrested early Sunday after a child in a house woke his parents to tell them a man was asleep in his bed. When officers arrived, the residents were screaming for help from a second-floor window. Officers said the man’s clothes, which smelled of alcohol, had been dropped on the floor. They said the man admitted drinking at a New Haven club but denied he was in the wrong house.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What is jail/prison really like, anybody been there?

 

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What was the name of the sorcerer who was struck blind by the apostle Paul?
ANSWER: Elymas (Acts 13:6-12)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Adult humans have 206 bones. How many bones do newborn babies have?

ANSWER: 306.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. A whale’s heart beats only twice per minute. (False – nine times a minute)

 

  1. Ulysses S. Grant was the last U.S. President with facial hair. (False – Taft)

 

  1. A day on Jupiter lasts about ten hours. (True – 9 hours, 50 minutes and 30 seconds at the equator, to be precise)

 

  1. In her films, Shirley Temple always had 40 curls in her hair. (False – 56)

 

  1. Galileo’s most powerful telescope was as strong as a pair of binoculars are today. (True)

 

  1. “Ping-Pong” is a registered trademark of Parker Brothers. (True)

 

  1. Thomas Jefferson was the only U.S. president ever granted a patent. (False – Abraham Lincoln was the only one)

 

  1. A blind chameleon still changes colors to match his environment. (True)

 

  1. 80% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals. (False – 40%)

 

  1. On the average, a normal person’s eye muscles move about 125,000 times in one day. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Man Attacks __________ During Funeral!” (CORPSE)

Police in Orlando, Florida arrested Timothy Cleary after he walked into a funeral service at the Harvest Baptist Church, approached the open casket and started throwing punches and physically attacked the corpse! No one knows why he did it but the hearing judge did order a complete psychological evaluation.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink.  The bartender says, “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.

The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”

The bartender says, “Sure, but it’s really gotta be something I’ve never seen.”

“Deal!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.”

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

“Money or another miracle, or else no drink”, says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch.

A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says, “It’s a deal.”

He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.

The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy.”

“Not so”, says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

 

 

JOKE #2

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. 

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes.

When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. 

”When you finish cutting the grass,” I said, “you might as well sweep the sidewalk.”

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

A final thought: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is me.

 

 

JOKE #3

During a road trip I stopped in a small town to grab a bite to eat. I walked into a local pizza place and the first thing I noticed was a sign on the wall advising: “Price. Quality. Service. Pick Any Two.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A recent study shows that around 9% of the North American population doesn’t have bank accounts.  ***MARLAR: And most of them work in radio.

 

Gorillas are considered apes, not monkeys.  The way to distinguish between an ape and a monkey is that apes do not have tails.  ***MARLAR: Of course, if you still get confused in front of an ape and call him a monkey, he’ll gladly rip your arms off so you won’t forget ever again.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

GIVE THIS TO YOUR HUSBAND AND TELL HIM IT’S REAL

Type this up in the form of a letter from a local store and give it to your husband.  There’s a good chance half of it’s true.

Dear Mrs. ____,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again unless your husband stops his antics while you are shopping.  Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras.

  • July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
  • July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in house wares”.
  • August 4: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.
  • September 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
  • September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’d bring pillows from the bedding department.
  • September 23: When our clerks ask whether they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
  • October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
  • November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.
  • December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
  • December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
  • December 21: When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

There probably are more.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Dogs need roughage too… and will apparently do anything to get it.

A German woman thought she had been robbed when she returned to her car to find $700 missing and her dog vomiting, only to discover the pet had eaten the cash. She informed police and took the dog to a vet. The vet gave the dog an injection and after 20 minutes six of the missing bills reappeared. The dog spit out the rest of the money in shreds along with some bank statements. The woman was able to trade the damaged bills in for new ones at a bank.  ***MARLAR: Aren’t dogs supposed to eat your homework instead? Then again, dogs can’t read – so what did he know?

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

RELATED TO GOD

One cold evening during the holiday season, a little boy about six or seven was standing out in front of a store window. The little child had no shoes on and his clothes were mere rags. A young woman passing by saw the little boy and could read the longing in his pale blue eyes. She took the child by the hand and led him into the store. There she bought him new shoes and a complete suit of warm clothing. They came back outside into the street and the woman said to the child, “Now you can go home and have a very happy holiday.”

The little boy looked up at her and asked, “are you God, Ma’am?”

She smiled down at him and replied, “No son, I’m just one of His children.”

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Song of Solomon 4:10 = “How delightful is your love… How much more pleasing is your love than wine.”

Love, so beautiful but so vulnerable.  Over the past year this nation has been experienced a heart that is breaking. Perhaps we have learned something we didn’t know about ourselves.  We have found something that is of more value than our day-by-day pursuits. We sat by our TV and stared in unbelief at what mankind is capable of doing.

No pain could have been greater or longer lasting than when you lost a loved one either in death or rejection in life. When you love someone there is always that risk of losing them. To lose someone is to break one’s heart. To break one’s heart there is pain. To feel pain, often one entertains thoughts of never getting that close to anyone again. We have wanted to protect ourselves from experiencing that pain again. Yet now, many have wept openly when they felt the grief in prayer or the pain of hopelessness of loved ones in trouble.

  1. S. Lewis said it best: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung out and broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one not even a pet. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable…. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love… is Hell.”

 

 

LEFTOVERS

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

  1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

 

  1. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
  2. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
  3. No one knows your secret place.
  4. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
  5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
  6. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

FRIEND OR COWORKER?

According to Good Housekeeping, a friend could cost you your job.

…The magazine offers these tips for developing friendships in the office so you don’t get burned:

  • Take it slow — Choose your friends at work carefully, and no matter how well you get along at first, let the friendship develop at its own pace. Don’t rush things. Don’t share secrets too soon.
  • Be strategic about what you reveal — While many of us solve our personal problems by discussing them with others, don’t do this at work. Gripe too much about all the stress in your life, and the boss may think you’re not able to handle your job.
  • Know your territory — Every office has a personality. It may be happy and open. It could be quiet and private. If it’s the latter, do your best to keep your personal life quiet and private as well. And even if it’s a happy and open place, it is never appropriate to gossip about other employees’ lives.
  • Learn how to handle conflict — When problems arise between you and another employee, do address them immediately, but do it in a non-confrontational way using specific examples.
  • Accept an expiration date — This is the sad reality: Office friendships expire. When one or both people move on to new employment, the friendship is likely to last two years at the most.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

SHIPWRECKED

A shipbuilder who built his 106 ft-long dream vessel is facing his toughest challenge yet – getting it in the water.

Charlie Brown’s (yes, that’s his REAL name!) ship, the Vera Cruz, is the biggest bugeye schooner ever built, but may find its first journey – from the Nevada desert to San Francisco – its most difficult. The veteran shipbuilder picked a shipyard in the northern Nevada Desert for the 45-ton schooner because it was cheaper than building it in a coastal yard. The sight of a sailing ship in the desert is already attracting visitors from as far away as Japan to his dusty yard near Carson City.  ***MARLAR: Building a huge ship in the desert – that actually sounds like something Charlie Brown would do!  Or Noah!

 

 

FUN LIST

APPLICANT ERRORS

These are taken from resumes and cover letters that were printed in the Fortune magazine. The spelling is exactly the way it appeared in the magazine:

  • I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
  • Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
  • Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
  • Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
  • It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
  • Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.
  • You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
  • Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
  • Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
  • I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
  • I am loyal to my employer at all costs… Please free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
  • I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
  • I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
  • As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
  • Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
  • Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
  • Note: Please don’t miscontrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.
  • Marital status: often. Children: various.
  • Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
  • The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
  • References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

9/11 WEBSITES . . .

  • As a small tribute, pick one person and leave him or her up on your computer monitor today…
  • The September 11th Digital Archive is a collection of electronic media which preserves the past and present history of the attacks in New York, Virginia and Pennsylvania on September 11, 2001. The 9/11 Report A Graphic Adaptation by Sid Jacobson and Ernie Colon is now online.
  • World Trade Center Memorial: for information visit the site.
  • Visit September 11th Memorial in honor of the fourth anniversary of this national tragedy. The site is a “permanent interactive memorial site” to pay tribute to those affected by the disasters that stuck American on Tuesday, September 11th, 2001.
  • Smithsonian National Museum of American History features a permanent exhibit called September 11: Bearing Witness to History. You can view items donated to the museum from ground zero, photos, read eyewitness accounts and more in remembrance of the tragedy which changed America forever.
  • 9/11 Memorial

 

 

“As Socrates said ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ The challenge today is to lead an examined life in a very un-examining age.  Whatever triggered it, you have been catapulted into a journey to find Truth.” –Os Guiness, regarding the events of 9/11

 

 

ONE

By Cheryl B. Sawyer Ed.D
As the soot and dirt and ash rained down,
We became one color.
As we carried each other down the stairs of the burning building,
We became one class.
As we lit candles of waiting and hope,
We became one generation.
As the firefighters and police officers fought their way into the inferno,
We became one gender.
As we fell to our knees in prayer for strength,
We became one faith.
As we whispered or shouted words of encouragement,
We spoke one language.
As we gave our blood in lines a mile long,
We became one body.
As we mourned together the great loss,
We became one family.
As we cried tears of grief and loss,
We became one soul.
As we retell with pride of the sacrifice of heroes,
We become one people.
We are:
One color
One class
One generation
One gender
One faith
One language
One body
One family
One soul
One people
We are The Power of One.
We are United.
We are America.

 

 

HOW DID OUR YOUNG RESPOND TO 911?

The following are statements written by young children in America, soon after 911.

  • “I talk to my mom and dad because I’m afraid it might happen again.”  (Raul, 12)
  • “I think that it made us all proud to be American.”  (Ceara, 10)
  • “Life is for living. Forget the past and think of the future.”  (Gemma, 12)
  • “I’m scared that they will take me to their country.”  (Jasmine, 10)
  • “I felt scared and worried about another attack.”  (Simone, 11)
  • “I feel like everyone has never felt as bad as this before.”  (Nick, 11)
  • “I think about it all the time because of all the people that lost their lives.”  (Astena, 12)
  • “I’ve learned that no matter how old or young you are, you can still die.”  (Amber, 10)
  • “America now knows we can withstand any disaster.”  (Kelly, 9)
  • “I’m still haunted by all the people dying that day.”   (Alysha, 8)
  • “I saw a picture of one of the Twin Towers. There were people’s heads sticking out of the windows. It made me scared to just think how terrified those people were.”   (Alison, 10)
  • “I had a dream that I was in the 1st & 2nd towers (not at the same time) and I saw the plane.”    (Janice, 12)
  • “After 9/11, I felt alienated from my peers. Part of the reason was because I am an Iraqi-American. I felt like after that day Arabs wouldn’t be respected anymore, but people are fascinated by my background. Knowing that America is a ‘melting pot,’ we should all stand together as one.”   (Sara, 12)
  • “I have learned that the ‘united’ in the United States, really is true.”   (Megan, 10)
  • “I’ve learned that we have some bad people in the world, but we also have some very kind, unselfish men and women who chose to fight for the freedom and safety of America.”  (McKenna, 11)
    –  “September 11th really changed my life. It really made me think about how God has blessed me.”   (Noelle, 11)
  • “I felt really guilty that all those people had to suffer just because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time.”    (Ronnie)
  • “I am an eleven year old girl, and I am very sensitive in many ways. Everything in the world bothers me. Why is everything going wrong in the world? The shootings, the plane crashes…why? WHY? WHY?? It really hurts my feelings. What can I do as a citizen to maybe help put a stop to everything??”    (Judith, 11)

 

 

9/11 URBAN LEGENDS

  • Claim: Israel was behind the World Trade Center attacks and Jews were warned not to turn up for work. Source: A story in an Israeli newspaper that thousands of Jews had been killed, which was retracted the following day. This was widely interpreted in the Middle East as an inadvertent leak that Jews in the World Trade Center received a warning. On September 17 Lebanon’s al-Manar television claimed this was evidence that linked the attacks to the state of Israel. Status: False. Through video broadcasts, Osama bin Laden has claimed responsibility for the attacks. There was no warning. There is no evidence of any involvement of anyone other than al-Qaeda and associated groups. Many Jews were among the murdered.
  • Claim: Several internet domain names related to the attack had been registered beforehand. Origins: Many news outlets reported that least 17 different domain names relating to the attacks were registered at least 15 months before September 2001. Among these were towerofhorror.com, worldtradetowerattack.com and worldtradetowerstrike.com. Status: False. None of these domain names are specific to the attacks on 11 September, and the Twin Towers had already been the subject of a terrorist attack in 1993. It is true that people rushed to register new domain names following the attacks (such as NewYorkCarnage.com) to make a profit by putting together disaster-related websites or reselling the domain names.
  • Claim: Osama bin Laden owns Snapple. Origins: It was reported in the New York Post that some Snapple soft-drink products were distributed in Saudi Arabia by a company that had an investment from the Saudi Binladin Group. Following Snapple’s decision to cut all links with the distribution company, a rumor spread alleging Osama bin Laden was owner of Snapple. Status: False. So widespread was this rumor that Snapple chief executive Michael Weinstein released a statement denying it.
  • Claim: Osama bin Laden owns Citibank, one of the world’s largest financial institutions. Source: Numerous websites. Status: False. The rumor is thought to have started when it emerged that the Saudi prince Alwaleed bin Talal had a 4.8 per cent holding of Citibank’s stock. Talal has no connections whatsoever with bin Laden or any other terrorist group.
  • Claim: The US itself staged the air attack on the Pentagon. Origin: The French author Thierry Meyssan, who advances the theory in his book The Frightening Fraud. Meyssan claims the attack on the Pentagon was the work of the US military. Status: False. The main ground for Meyssan’s case was that only the exterior of the building was damaged, yet CNN proved this to be wrong, with photographs and footage detailing internal damage.
  • Claim: Hospitals were to see a sharp increase in births nine months after 11 September. Origins: A variety of newspapers, magazines and websites claimed that, in the aftermath of the Twin Towers attacks, hundreds of couples suddenly realized the value of life and decided to have a child — or just wanted more sex. Status: False. Hospitals in New York and across other states have failed to report any increase of births. Some hospitals reported fewer than normal.
  • Claim: A freed Arab terrorist was responsible for the 9/11 attacks. Origin: Several papers reported that an Arab terrorist, jailed for life for his part in attacking a bus in Israel in 1986, had been released and was one of the pilots flying the planes on September 11. Status: False. A classic case of mistaken identity. There was a Mahmoud Mohamed Atta who was convicted for terrorism, but he was no relation to the Mohamed Atta involved in the World Trade Center attacks.

 

 

THE FLAG CEREMONY

The flag folding ceremony represents the same religious principles on which our country was founded.

The portion of the flag denoting honor is the canton of blue containing the stars representing states our veterans served in uniform. The canton field of blue dresses from left to right, and is inverted only when draped as a pall on a casket of a veteran who has served our country honorably. (Flag detail will fold the flag in half twice and is not prepared to start the 13 trifolds)

“I am Old Glory . . . . with a most beautiful message. Born amid the first flames of America’s fight for freedom, I am a symbol of a country that has grown from a little group of 13 colonies to a United Nation of 50 sovereign states. A symbol of liberty and strength, I have traveled far and endured much to carry my message throughout the world.

From the frozen forest of Valley Forge to the steamy jungles of Vietnam, the burning sands in the Mideast and drought-stricken Somalia, to the carnage of 9/11, I have stood as a symbol of our unit, our thoughts, and our purposes as a Nation.”

The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veteran departing our ranks who gave a portion of his life for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.

The fourth fold represents our trust in God, for, as American citizens, it is to Him we turn in time of peace as well as in times of war for His divine guidance.

The fifth fold is a tribute to our country. In the words of Stephen Decator, “Our country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it still is our country, right or wrong.”

The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. For it is with our hearts that we pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces , for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The eighth fold stands for the Constitution of the United States of America , where all men are created equal, with rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

The ninth fold is a tribute to Womanhood ; for it has been through their faith, love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.

The tenth fold is a tribute to fathers , for they, too, have given their sons and daughters for the defense of our country.

The eleventh fold, in the eyes of Hebrew citizens, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and Glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

The twelfth fold, in the eyes of Christian citizens, represents and emblem of eternity, and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, The Son, and Holy Ghost. When the flag is completely folded, the Stars are uppermost, reminding us of our National Motto, “In God We Trust.”

When the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington and the Sailors and Marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving the rights, privileges and freedoms we enjoy today.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP (Same material for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)

This past March, Master Sgt. Michael Maroney started the social media campaign hashtag #FindKatrinaGirl in the hopes of reuniting with the three-year-old girl he rescued 10 years ago during Hurricane Katrina. She was was photographed smiling in pigtails and pink shirt hugging Maroney back in 2005.  Maroney said “A friend of hers contacted my son on his Instagram and said, ‘Hey, the girl your dad’s looking for is a friend of mine.” Maroney found out the girl was now 13, that her name was LeShay Brown and that she and her family were currently living in Waveland, Mississippi. The two have talked by phone and hope to meet in person soon. http://abcn.ws/1JQkUoS

 

Edna Mitchell is Maine’s oldest EMT. The 87-year-old volunteer at the Liberty Fire Department has been driving an ambulance for 37 years. Mitchell first became interested in medical care during World War II, when, as a high-school freshman, she helped with a first-aid class. At age 50, she left a long career in teaching to earn her Emergency Medical Technician’s certification and has been driving an ambulance ever since. http://ow.ly/S2rjw

 

A 5-year-old girl became a hero to her family after she helped her twin brother fight his aggressive form of leukemia by selflessly donating her stem cells to him. Back in January, her family approached Charlie about donating her stem cells to help her brother. They say “She didn’t understand the whole medical process, but what she did understand was she wanted to help her brother.” “Her words were, ‘Yeah, just let me know when you need me.'” The surgery took place February 17, but the family is speaking publicly now because Bradley’s cancer is in remission and the twins recently started kindergarten. http://abcn.ws/1EzwcBK

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Until tomorrow… keep your eye on the ball, your nose to the grindstone, and your shoulder to the wheel. If you can work in that position, you’re a better person than I am.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Labors of Love

Labor Day returns! I’d be interested to know, of all American holidays, which is the least recognized and celebrated? Many people don’t have a good working knowledge of Labor Day history.
Our actual holiday of Labor Day has an interesting history. The Christian Post shared some details of this a year ago. The article provides a good refresher.
Christians are divided on whether labor unions should be viewed as favorable. History has shown that many improvements in the workplace have come about through both the awareness and pressure applied by labor unions. That’s the good side.
But unions have also been known to be corrupt. Greedy. And, at times, violent in their treatment of those who don’t share their agenda. It’s hard to endorse that kind of organized labor.
But my blog today has a different focus. I’m recommending reading a fairly lengthy opinion piece in the New York Times. It’s titled, “Rethinking Work.”
The story opens with the troubling reminder that “nine out of 10 workers spend half their waking lives doing things they don’t really want to do in places they don’t particularly want to be.”
The article states that it was “Adam Smith, the father of industrial capitalism, who felt that people were naturally lazy and would work only for pay. ‘It is the interest of every man,’ he wrote in 1776 in The Wealth of Nations, ‘to live as much at his ease as he can.”’
That is a fairly brutal assessment that leaves me feeling parched for more meaningful work.
But it is why the Times opinion writer, Barry Schwartz, adds “Work is (still) structured on the assumption that we do it only because we have to. The call center employee is monitored to ensure that he ends each call quickly. The office worker’s keystrokes are overseen to guarantee productivity.”
There is, however, a different way to approach work. And it’s one of my favorite stories from this article:
About 15 years ago, the Yale organizational behavior professor Amy Wrzesniewski and colleagues studied custodians in a major academic hospital. Though the custodians’ official job duties never even mentioned other human beings, many of them viewed their work as including doing whatever they could to comfort patients and their families and to assist the professional staff members with patient care.
They would joke with patients, calm them down so that nurses could insert IVs, even dance for them. They would help family members of patients find their way around the hospital.
The custodians received no financial compensation for this “extra” work. But this aspect of the job, they said, was what got them out of bed every morning. “I enjoy entertaining the patients,” said one. “That’s what I enjoy the most.”
Now, while I can’t tell you these custodians are Christ followers, I can tell you that their attitude reflects the Godly command to all believers to work as if we are working for the Lord. Here’s the way the apostle Paul said it to the Ephesians:
“Servants, respectfully obey your earthly masters but always with an eye to obeying the real master, Christ. Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the Master, regardless of whether you are slave or free.” Ephesians 6: 5-8, The Message
Do that…and your soul should be able to transform any work into a form of service in the most positive of ways. You might even call your work… a labor of love.
And with that…a Happy Labor Day.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 09, 2015…

 

Time Out Of Mind (opening in select cities)—Richard Gere has dropped out of the social structure to the point of being homeless.  He goes through New York City, just wandering, and trying to connect with himself and reconcile with his daughter, too.  “Time Out Of Mind” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 11, 2015…

 

Sleeping With Other People—This film is a romantic comedy about two people with a definite problem.  They cheat romantically on people. Jason Sudeikis is one person and Alison Brie is the other person. They discover each other and try to help each other get out of this pattern, only to find they really like being together.  The cast includes Natasha Lyonne and Amanda Peet. “Sleeping With Other People” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Perfect Guy—You look for the perfect guy and after dating a few, here he comes. At last. Sanaa Lathan falls for Michael Ealy, but just who is he, anyway? Also in the cast is Morris Chestnut. “The Perfect Guy” Is rated R. No rating.

 

The Visit—What a premise for a horror film. It is about two children (Ed Oxenbould and Olivia DeJonge) who visit their grandparents for five days. Strange things happen and this is how-much-grossness-can-the-audience-take. Who directs the film? M. Night Shyamalan. “The Visit” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…

 

Black Mass has Johnny Depp transforming himself into yet another memorable character.  This time it is based on the real life of the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger.

 

Everest takes the audience on a scary trip up Everest in 1996 when a climbing group met adverse weather conditions.  Stars Jake Gyllenhaal.

 

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials is next in the line of books to be put on the screen. Stars Dylan O’Brien an Patricia Clarkson.

 

Sicario is about an FBI agent (Emily Blunt) who fights crime along the Mexico-U.S. border.

 

Cooties stars Elijah Wood as a teacher in a school where kids are turning into zombies.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.