September 11, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Receive a free customized version specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

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***LIFE LINES – FREE TO AIR! (Updates automatically weekdays at 8am.)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160911

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I would like to apologize for the lousy show I’m about to do today… I promise to try harder next time.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” –Matthew 16:26

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved. –Acts 4:12

We proclaim him [Jesus], admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we present everyone perfect in Christ. — Colossians 1:28

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

We were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow. — Job 8:9

Thought: While Job never learned why he suffered, he did learn his place in the universe before the Almighty God (Job 38-41). When we are young, time passes so very slowly — especially if we are waiting for something special! But as we get older, the years fly by more and more quickly. Yet despite all our learning, despite all our experience, we come to two great awakenings: our knowledge compared to what there is to know is so very small and our place in the passage of time is so very short. Both of these awakenings prepare us to turn our lives and future over to our God who longs to bring us to himself.

Prayer: Holy and Almighty God, my Abba Father, thank you so much for your overwhelming patience as you try to communicate your love to people like me with my limited abilities to comprehend your magnificence and glory. Please give me wisdom this week, to make the decisions I need to make and to choose your way and not my own. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Proverbs 9:11 NIV = For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

TODAY IS SUNDAY – SEPTEMBER 11, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 1
10 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

(U.S.A. only) Today is PATRIOT DAY, marking the terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington, D.C., on September 11, 2001. Honor it in whatever way you feel led.

(U.S. & Canada) Today is 911 DAY, sponsored by the National Emergency Number Association. It’s a day to honor emergency phone workers. ***MARLAR: Preferably by not calling them.

Today is NATIONAL TRICKY HANDSHAKE DAY. ***MARLAR: Come… join our secret society…

Today is NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS DAY, a day to feel better by not reading, listening to, or watching the news. ***MARLAR: That means you can listen to my show because I NEVER have anything relevant to say!

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Pet Rock Day

Grandparents’ Day

Libraries Remember Day

Miss America Pageant

National Day of Service and Remembrance

National Hug Your Hound Day

Patriot Day

Remember Freedom Day

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 12

Day for South-South Cooperation

National Boss/Employee Exchange Day

National Programmers Day

Video Games Day

World Maritime Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

Kids Take Over The Kitchen Day

National Celiac Awareness Day

National Peanut Day

Roald Dahl Day

Scooby-Doo Day

National Pet Memorial Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

National Kreme Filled Donut Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

8-Track Tape Day

Felt Hat Day

Google.com Day

Greenpeace Day

International Day of Democracy

International Dot Day

National Cheese Toast Day

RAINN Day (Rape Abuse Incest National Network)

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16

Anne Dudley Bradstreet Day

Clean Up The World Weekend begins

Constitution Day/ Pledge Across America

International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer )***You add to the carbon dioxide problem just by spouting that long name!)

International Grenache Day

Mayflower Day

National Tattoo Story Day

National Guacamole Day

National POW/MIA Recognition Day

National Trademen Day

Play-Doh Day

Stay Away From Seattle Day

Stepfamily Day

Trail of Tears Commemoration Day

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17

AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day

Batman Day

Big Whopper Liar Day

Boys’ and Girl’s Club Day for Kids

Citizenship Day

Constitution Day

International Country Music Day

International Eat An Apple Day

International Coastal Cleanup Day

Locate An Old Friend Day

National Gymnastics Day

National Monte Cristo Day

National Seat Check Saturday

Puppy Mill Awareness Day

Time’s Up Day

VFW Ladies Auxiliary Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

Air Force Birthday

Chiropractic Founders Day

Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day

National Ceiling Fan Day

National Cheeseburger Day

National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day

National Respect Day

Wife Appreciation Day

World Water Monitoring Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19

Respect For The Aged Day

Talk Like a Pirate Day

ON THIS DAY

1789: Alexander Hamilton was appointed the first Secretary of the Treasury.

1936: President Franklin Delano Roosevelt dedicated Boulder Dam (now Hoover Dam) in Nevada.

1962: The Beatles recorded their first single, Love Me Do.

1971: Former Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev died at age 77.

1971: The animated TV series “The Jackson Five”, featuring the voices of the five Jackson brothers, debuted on ABC. ***MARLAR: It lasted about as long as you could sing “ABC, easy as 1-2-3.” (audio clip)

1981: First Lady Nancy Reagan spent $200-thousand on new china for the White House. She said they really needed it. ***MARLAR: We run into that problem at our house all the time too.

1985: Cincinnati Red Pete Rose’s 4,192nd hit broke Ty Cobb’s career record. President Ronald Reagan congratulated Rose by phone. ***MARLAR: And then asked if he could place a bet.

1992: An electrician at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility near Lucasville suffered serious burns while performing routine maintenance on the electric chair. ***MARLAR: Was there not a better place to sit and take a break?

1997: In Scotland, voters approved the establishment of a parliament to run their domestic affairs, after 290 years of union with England.

2001: Two hijacked commercial jets were crashed by terrorists into the north and south towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, causing the collapse of both towers. A short while later, another plane was crashed into the Pentagon, and fourth into a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(NONE TODAY)

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Lexie, the young girl in Jurassic Park) Ariana Richards 37 (Ariana is also a brilliant artist as well, and her depictions of the female form on canvas are flawless!)

  • soap actress (“General Hospital”, “Guiding Light”, “Loving”) Laura Wright 46 (audio clip)

  • actress (Cassandra on “Frasier”, Hot to Trot, Firewall, Dune) Virginia Madsen 53 (audio clip)

  • actor (“Police Woman”, the cook in Forbidden Planet, Frank Dominus on “Night Man”, Fred Duffy on “Caroline in the City”) Earl Holliman is 88

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1935 : Arvo Pärt

1943 : Mickey Hart(Grateful Dead)

1945 : Dennis Tufano (The Buckinghams)

1953 : Tommy Shaw (Styx)

1957 : Jon Moss (Culture Club)

1965 : Moby

1967 : Harry Connick, Jr.

1971 : Richard Ashcroft

1975 : Brad Fischetti (LFO)

1977 : Ludacris

1977 : Jon Buckland (Coldplay)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

From where did we get the expression, “laid-back,” meaning relaxed?

These are not easy times. Life is stressful. Work and personal relationships take a lot out of us. We get set up and put down, brought down and stood up. We’re often downcast and uptight. And where does it all end? We get laid out! All the more reason to find time somewhere in between the womb and the tomb to be laid back. From where do you suppose we get such an evocative expression? Picture a chaise lounge by a pool in Acapulco. Got it? Well get rid of it, because it’s the wrong picture. Conjure up instead a Harley-Davidson roaring down a rural highway. We’re talkin’ dudes on motorcycles, folks! The bikes are often built so that the rider is leaning back at a 45-degree angle, almost reclining. These guys seem to be having a near-sleep experience as they make enough noise to wake the dead.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Jamie Grace says food isn’t the key to her happiness but she has noticed a trend. She pointed out: every time I’m smiling, there’s always a taco nearby…

Third Day Road Pastor Nigel James shared Acts 1:8 recently. It says: ‘…you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to ends of the earth.’ Nigel then asked: How are you doing this? How about praying for a nation or ethnic group? Praying for a missionary or pastor overseas? Sending financial support? Going yourself?

Chris Tomlin on the impact of music: I think music is the art form that connects with the soul most quickly.

Some worship humor from the web site We Are Worship UK:

Little boy after church: “Mum, when I grow up I’m gonna play the drums.

His Mum replied: ‘you can’t grow up AND play drums.”

A bit of trivia about Jordan Feliz from Justin Paul. Before his album, “The River,” Jordan was an Uber driver.

Question of the day from Casting Crowns Mark Hall: On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your humility?

A reminder from Third Day Road Pastor Nigel James: Every so often it’s worth checking out our motives for following Jesus…culture? custom? convenience? cool? complacency? Conviction?

From Ryan Stevenson: Somedays, I wish I were 4 again, and I could just wear my rubber boots everywhere, for the rest of my life!

Ever wonder about the gear Newsboys guitarist Jody Davis uses on tour? A new video from the digital tour bus gives you the inside scoop. Check it out as Jodi talks his gear, about building his own guitars, and why he feels simplicity is best. http://digtb.us/2aofedt

Anita Renfroe is encouraging everyone to drink peppermint tea. Why? Because she says it makes your burps nicer.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Meteor Showers”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Dating”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson and all of the Razzleflabbins on Razzleflabbin Island were running for their lives to get away from someone they called, the Plaid Guy! They’re so scared they’ve built plaid shelters, run numerous emergency plaid drills, and hired a scout to do nothing but stay awake and look for the Plaid Guy!

CLOSE: Oh no! It looks like Marvy isn’t fast enough to stay away from the Plaid Guy! What’s going to happen? Will the plaid guy eat Marvy? Will he eat Marvy’s teddy bear? Will he make Marvy go shopping for plaid shirts? Oh, how gruesome! Tune in next time to find out what happens… As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 10/11

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, we found out the Plaid Guy – who all the Razzleflabbins had been terrified of for years, was actually a really nice guy! So nice, in fact, that the Razzleflabbins invited him to the barbecue and to the next day’s busy day of playing and singing!

CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another inspiringly inspiring inspiration story from the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Some people are just desperate to get their satellite television.

Today’s Moment of Duh comes from Holland with the story of a thief who had really bad timing. He wanted to steal a satellite dish but unfortunately for him the dish he chose to steal was in use at the time… by a homeowner who was very interested in a soccer game and who was not happy when he missed seeing a goal. The sounds of the homeowner cursing the TV sent the criminal scurrying from the roof. Police are still looking for him.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN LEAST NECESSARY BACK-TO-SCHOOL ITEMS

10. Self sharpening pen

9. “Your Scientific Guide to the Planet Pluto”, for that first book report

8. The new Dell Pyromaniac PC

7. Mini-fridge backpack

6. Left handed Crayons

5. Ziploc gym bags to lock in the freshness

4. Lemon scented white out

3. Three-ring nose punch

2. “256 Shades of Gray” Box of Crayons

1. Low fat, low cholesterol paste

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If you’re robbed by friends, it’s really easy to hunt them down.

FILE #1: Jared Colwell and three other Utah men were just trying to sleep at 3:00am when two men in ski masks busted in the door. Jared’s brother Cooper was asleep on the couch. The men in masks began yelling, telling them to get up and give them all their money, wallets, and cell phones. Jared says he was so shocked that nothing was going through his head as he handed over all his belongings. The robbers left, but Jared and Cooper thought they may have recognized one of the voices as a friend who had stayed with them for a couple of weeks before. So the boys came up with a plan. Jared figured they had his phone so he tried to call it a couple times, when they didn’t pick up he sent a text message. The text message said “Randy, I really want my phone back. I’ll pay you $300 for the phone right now.” It took twenty minutes before a response came back that said “Okay, let’s do this.” The plan was to meet and do the exchange at a nearby store. To everyone’s surprise the suspects showed up to the arranged meeting place and hid behind the dumpster behind the store. When they came out to try and rob their victims of the $300, instead they found police who immediately took them into custody.

FILE #2: A Chicago man faces criminal charges after trying to beat up the dog that is well known worldwide for “Taking A Bite Out Of Crime”! 18 year old Darrell Worlds has been charged with battery for hitting a 14-year-old who was dressed as “McGruff, The Crime Dog” at an Orland Hills Jamboree festival. McGruff was just walking through the festival and shaking hands with children at the time when Worlds tried ripping off his mask to run away with his head.

FILE #3: No one can say the government of Thailand is soft on white collar crime. A few years back, a woman was convicted of swindling the public out of millions of dollars while working as an investment guru for the government. The judge sentenced her to 141,078 years behind bars. According to Guinness, that’s the longest sentence ever given anywhere in the world.

STRANGE LAW: In Columbus Ohio, it is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A man decides to go to bed… in someone else’s house!

Police charged a man with burglary and disorderly conduct after he allegedly wandered into a neighbor’s home, stripped off his clothes and fell asleep in a 6-year-old’s bed. A man, 26, was arrested early Sunday after a child in a house woke his parents to tell them a man was asleep in his bed. When officers arrived, the residents were screaming for help from a second-floor window. Officers said the man’s clothes, which smelled of alcohol, had been dropped on the floor. They said the man admitted drinking at a New Haven club but denied he was in the wrong house.

PHONER PHUN

What is jail/prison really like, anybody been there?

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What was the name of the sorcerer who was struck blind by the apostle Paul?
ANSWER: Elymas (Acts 13:6-12)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Adult humans have 206 bones. How many bones do newborn babies have?

ANSWER: 306.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. A whale’s heart beats only twice per minute. (False – nine times a minute)

2. Ulysses S. Grant was the last U.S. President with facial hair. (False – Taft)

3. A day on Jupiter lasts about ten hours. (True – 9 hours, 50 minutes and 30 seconds at the equator, to be precise)

4. In her films, Shirley Temple always had 40 curls in her hair. (False – 56)

5. Galileo’s most powerful telescope was as strong as a pair of binoculars are today. (True)

6. “Ping-Pong” is a registered trademark of Parker Brothers. (True)

7. Thomas Jefferson was the only U.S. president ever granted a patent. (False – Abraham Lincoln was the only one)

8. A blind chameleon still changes colors to match his environment. (True)

9. 80% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals. (False – 40%)

10. On the average, a normal person’s eye muscles move about 125,000 times in one day. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Man Attacks __________ During Funeral!” (CORPSE)

Police in Orlando, Florida arrested Timothy Cleary after he walked into a funeral service at the Harvest Baptist Church, approached the open casket and started throwing punches and physically attacked the corpse! No one knows why he did it but the hearing judge did order a complete psychological evaluation. 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink.  The bartender says, “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.

The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”

The bartender says, “Sure, but it’s really gotta be something I’ve never seen.”

“Deal!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.”

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

“Money or another miracle, or else no drink”, says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch.

A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says, “It’s a deal.”

He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.

The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy.”

“Not so”, says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

JOKE #2

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. 
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes.

When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. 

”When you finish cutting the grass,” I said, “you might as well sweep the sidewalk.”

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

A final thought: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is me.

JOKE #3

During a road trip I stopped in a small town to grab a bite to eat. I walked into a local pizza place and the first thing I noticed was a sign on the wall advising: “Price. Quality. Service. Pick Any Two.”

USELESS FACTS

A recent study shows that around 9% of the North American population doesn’t have bank accounts.  ***MARLAR: And most of them work in radio.

Gorillas are considered apes, not monkeys.  The way to distinguish between an ape and a monkey is that apes do not have tails.  ***MARLAR: Of course, if you still get confused in front of an ape and call him a monkey, he’ll gladly rip your arms off so you won’t forget ever again.

FEATURED FUNNIES

GIVE THIS TO YOUR HUSBAND AND TELL HIM IT’S REAL

Type this up in the form of a letter from a local store and give it to your husband.  There’s a good chance half of it’s true.

Dear Mrs. ____,

    Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again unless your husband stops his antics while you are shopping.  Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras.

  • July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  • July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in house wares”.

  • August 4: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

  • September 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

  • September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’d bring pillows from the bedding department.

  • September 23: When our clerks ask whether they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

  • October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

  • November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.

  • December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

  • December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

  • December 21: When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

There probably are more.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Dogs need roughage too… and will apparently do anything to get it.

A German woman thought she had been robbed when she returned to her car to find $700 missing and her dog vomiting, only to discover the pet had eaten the cash. She informed police and took the dog to a vet. The vet gave the dog an injection and after 20 minutes six of the missing bills reappeared. The dog spit out the rest of the money in shreds along with some bank statements. The woman was able to trade the damaged bills in for new ones at a bank.  ***MARLAR: Aren’t dogs supposed to eat your homework instead? Then again, dogs can’t read – so what did he know?

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION
RELATED TO GOD

One cold evening during the holiday season, a little boy about six or seven was standing out in front of a store window. The little child had no shoes on and his clothes were mere rags. A young woman passing by saw the little boy and could read the longing in his pale blue eyes. She took the child by the hand and led him into the store. There she bought him new shoes and a complete suit of warm clothing. They came back outside into the street and the woman said to the child, “Now you can go home and have a very happy holiday.”

The little boy looked up at her and asked, “are you God, Ma’am?”

She smiled down at him and replied, “No son, I’m just one of His children.”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Song of Solomon 4:10 = “How delightful is your love… How much more pleasing is your love than wine.”

Love, so beautiful but so vulnerable.  Over the past year this nation has been experienced a heart that is breaking. Perhaps we have learned something we didn’t know about ourselves.  We have found something that is of more value than our day-by-day pursuits. We sat by our TV and stared in unbelief at what mankind is capable of doing.

No pain could have been greater or longer lasting than when you lost a loved one either in death or rejection in life. When you love someone there is always that risk of losing them. To lose someone is to break one’s heart. To break one’s heart there is pain. To feel pain, often one entertains thoughts of never getting that close to anyone again. We have wanted to protect ourselves from experiencing that pain again. Yet now, many have wept openly when they felt the grief in prayer or the pain of hopelessness of loved ones in trouble.

C. S. Lewis said it best: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung out and broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one not even a pet. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable…. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love… is Hell.”

LEFTOVERS

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

LIFE… LIVE IT

FRIEND OR COWORKER?

According to Good Housekeeping, a friend could cost you your job.

…The magazine offers these tips for developing friendships in the office so you don’t get burned:

  • Take it slow — Choose your friends at work carefully, and no matter how well you get along at first, let the friendship develop at its own pace. Don’t rush things. Don’t share secrets too soon.

  • Be strategic about what you reveal — While many of us solve our personal problems by discussing them with others, don’t do this at work. Gripe too much about all the stress in your life, and the boss may think you’re not able to handle your job.

  • Know your territory — Every office has a personality. It may be happy and open. It could be quiet and private. If it’s the latter, do your best to keep your personal life quiet and private as well. And even if it’s a happy and open place, it is never appropriate to gossip about other employees’ lives.

  • Learn how to handle conflict — When problems arise between you and another employee, do address them immediately, but do it in a non-confrontational way using specific examples.

  • Accept an expiration date — This is the sad reality: Office friendships expire. When one or both people move on to new employment, the friendship is likely to last two years at the most.

JUST FOR FUN

SHIPWRECKED

A shipbuilder who built his 106 ft-long dream vessel is facing his toughest challenge yet – getting it in the water.

Charlie Brown’s (yes, that’s his REAL name!) ship, the Vera Cruz, is the biggest bugeye schooner ever built, but may find its first journey – from the Nevada desert to San Francisco – its most difficult. The veteran shipbuilder picked a shipyard in the northern Nevada Desert for the 45-ton schooner because it was cheaper than building it in a coastal yard. The sight of a sailing ship in the desert is already attracting visitors from as far away as Japan to his dusty yard near Carson City.  ***MARLAR: Building a huge ship in the desert – that actually sounds like something Charlie Brown would do!  Or Noah!

FUN LIST

APPLICANT ERRORS

These are taken from resumes and cover letters that were printed in the Fortune magazine. The spelling is exactly the way it appeared in the magazine:

  • I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

  • Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

  • Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

  • Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

  • It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

  • Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.

  • You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

  • Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

  • Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.

  • I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

  • I am loyal to my employer at all costs… Please free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

  • I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

  • I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

  • As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

  • Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

  • Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

  • Note: Please don’t miscontrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.

  • Marital status: often. Children: various.

  • Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

  • The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

  • References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

9/11 WEBSITES . . .

  • As a small tribute, pick one person and leave him or her up on your computer monitor today…

  • The September 11th Digital Archive is a collection of electronic media which preserves the past and present history of the attacks in New York, Virginia and Pennsylvania on September 11, 2001. The 9/11 Report A Graphic Adaptation by Sid Jacobson and Ernie Colon is now online.

  • World Trade Center Memorial: for information visit the site.

  • Visit September 11th Memorial in honor of the fourth anniversary of this national tragedy. The site is a “permanent interactive memorial site” to pay tribute to those affected by the disasters that stuck American on Tuesday, September 11th, 2001.

  • Smithsonian National Museum of American History features a permanent exhibit called September 11: Bearing Witness to History. You can view items donated to the museum from ground zero, photos, read eyewitness accounts and more in remembrance of the tragedy which changed America forever.

  • 9/11 Memorial

“As Socrates said ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ The challenge today is to lead an examined life in a very un-examining age.  Whatever triggered it, you have been catapulted into a journey to find Truth.” –Os Guiness, regarding the events of 9/11

ONE

By Cheryl B. Sawyer Ed.D
As the soot and dirt and ash rained down,
We became one color.
As we carried each other down the stairs of the burning building,
We became one class.
As we lit candles of waiting and hope,
We became one generation.
As the firefighters and police officers fought their way into the inferno,
We became one gender.
As we fell to our knees in prayer for strength,
We became one faith.
As we whispered or shouted words of encouragement,
We spoke one language.
As we gave our blood in lines a mile long,
We became one body.
As we mourned together the great loss,
We became one family.
As we cried tears of grief and loss,
We became one soul.
As we retell with pride of the sacrifice of heroes,
We become one people.
We are:
One color
One class
One generation
One gender
One faith
One language
One body
One family
One soul
One people
We are The Power of One.
We are United.
We are America.

HOW DID OUR YOUNG RESPOND TO 911?

The following are statements written by young children in America, soon after 911.

  • “I talk to my mom and dad because I’m afraid it might happen again.”  (Raul, 12)

  • “I think that it made us all proud to be American.”  (Ceara, 10)

  • “Life is for living. Forget the past and think of the future.”  (Gemma, 12)

  • “I’m scared that they will take me to their country.”  (Jasmine, 10)

  • “I felt scared and worried about another attack.”  (Simone, 11)

  • “I feel like everyone has never felt as bad as this before.”  (Nick, 11)

  • “I think about it all the time because of all the people that lost their lives.”  (Astena, 12)

  • “I’ve learned that no matter how old or young you are, you can still die.”  (Amber, 10)

  • “America now knows we can withstand any disaster.”  (Kelly, 9)

  • “I’m still haunted by all the people dying that day.”   (Alysha, 8)

  • “I saw a picture of one of the Twin Towers. There were people’s heads sticking out of the windows. It made me scared to just think how terrified those people were.”   (Alison, 10)

  • “I had a dream that I was in the 1st & 2nd towers (not at the same time) and I saw the plane.”    (Janice, 12)

  • “After 9/11, I felt alienated from my peers. Part of the reason was because I am an Iraqi-American. I felt like after that day Arabs wouldn’t be respected anymore, but people are fascinated by my background. Knowing that America is a ‘melting pot,’ we should all stand together as one.”   (Sara, 12)

  • “I have learned that the ‘united’ in the United States, really is true.”   (Megan, 10)

  • “I’ve learned that we have some bad people in the world, but we also have some very kind, unselfish men and women who chose to fight for the freedom and safety of America.”  (McKenna, 11)
    –  “September 11th really changed my life. It really made me think about how God has blessed me.”   (Noelle, 11)

  • “I felt really guilty that all those people had to suffer just because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time.”    (Ronnie)

  • “I am an eleven year old girl, and I am very sensitive in many ways. Everything in the world bothers me. Why is everything going wrong in the world? The shootings, the plane crashes…why? WHY? WHY?? It really hurts my feelings. What can I do as a citizen to maybe help put a stop to everything??”    (Judith, 11)

9/11 URBAN LEGENDS

  • Claim: Israel was behind the World Trade Center attacks and Jews were warned not to turn up for work. Source: A story in an Israeli newspaper that thousands of Jews had been killed, which was retracted the following day. This was widely interpreted in the Middle East as an inadvertent leak that Jews in the World Trade Center received a warning. On September 17 Lebanon’s al-Manar television claimed this was evidence that linked the attacks to the state of Israel. Status: False. Through video broadcasts, Osama bin Laden has claimed responsibility for the attacks. There was no warning. There is no evidence of any involvement of anyone other than al-Qaeda and associated groups. Many Jews were among the murdered.

  • Claim: Several internet domain names related to the attack had been registered beforehand. Origins: Many news outlets reported that least 17 different domain names relating to the attacks were registered at least 15 months before September 2001. Among these were towerofhorror.com, worldtradetowerattack.com and worldtradetowerstrike.com. Status: False. None of these domain names are specific to the attacks on 11 September, and the Twin Towers had already been the subject of a terrorist attack in 1993. It is true that people rushed to register new domain names following the attacks (such as NewYorkCarnage.com) to make a profit by putting together disaster-related websites or reselling the domain names.

  • Claim: Osama bin Laden owns Snapple. Origins: It was reported in the New York Post that some Snapple soft-drink products were distributed in Saudi Arabia by a company that had an investment from the Saudi Binladin Group. Following Snapple’s decision to cut all links with the distribution company, a rumor spread alleging Osama bin Laden was owner of Snapple. Status: False. So widespread was this rumor that Snapple chief executive Michael Weinstein released a statement denying it.

  • Claim: Osama bin Laden owns Citibank, one of the world’s largest financial institutions. Source: Numerous websites. Status: False. The rumor is thought to have started when it emerged that the Saudi prince Alwaleed bin Talal had a 4.8 per cent holding of Citibank’s stock. Talal has no connections whatsoever with bin Laden or any other terrorist group.

  • Claim: The US itself staged the air attack on the Pentagon. Origin: The French author Thierry Meyssan, who advances the theory in his book The Frightening Fraud. Meyssan claims the attack on the Pentagon was the work of the US military. Status: False. The main ground for Meyssan’s case was that only the exterior of the building was damaged, yet CNN proved this to be wrong, with photographs and footage detailing internal damage.

  • Claim: Hospitals were to see a sharp increase in births nine months after 11 September. Origins: A variety of newspapers, magazines and websites claimed that, in the aftermath of the Twin Towers attacks, hundreds of couples suddenly realized the value of life and decided to have a child — or just wanted more sex. Status: False. Hospitals in New York and across other states have failed to report any increase of births. Some hospitals reported fewer than normal.

  • Claim: A freed Arab terrorist was responsible for the 9/11 attacks. Origin: Several papers reported that an Arab terrorist, jailed for life for his part in attacking a bus in Israel in 1986, had been released and was one of the pilots flying the planes on September 11. Status: False. A classic case of mistaken identity. There was a Mahmoud Mohamed Atta who was convicted for terrorism, but he was no relation to the Mohamed Atta involved in the World Trade Center attacks.

THE FLAG CEREMONY

The flag folding ceremony represents the same religious principles on which our country was founded.

The portion of the flag denoting honor is the canton of blue containing the stars representing states our veterans served in uniform. The canton field of blue dresses from left to right, and is inverted only when draped as a pall on a casket of a veteran who has served our country honorably. (Flag detail will fold the flag in half twice and is not prepared to start the 13 trifolds)

“I am Old Glory . . . . with a most beautiful message. Born amid the first flames of America’s fight for freedom, I am a symbol of a country that has grown from a little group of 13 colonies to a United Nation of 50 sovereign states. A symbol of liberty and strength, I have traveled far and endured much to carry my message throughout the world.

From the frozen forest of Valley Forge to the steamy jungles of Vietnam, the burning sands in the Mideast and drought-stricken Somalia, to the carnage of 9/11, I have stood as a symbol of our unit, our thoughts, and our purposes as a Nation.”

The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veteran departing our ranks who gave a portion of his life for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.

The fourth fold represents our trust in God, for, as American citizens, it is to Him we turn in time of peace as well as in times of war for His divine guidance.

The fifth fold is a tribute to our country. In the words of Stephen Decator, “Our country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it still is our country, right or wrong.”

The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. For it is with our hearts that we pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces , for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The eighth fold stands for the Constitution of the United States of America , where all men are created equal, with rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

The ninth fold is a tribute to Womanhood ; for it has been through their faith, love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.

The tenth fold is a tribute to fathers , for they, too, have given their sons and daughters for the defense of our country.

The eleventh fold, in the eyes of Hebrew citizens, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and Glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

The twelfth fold, in the eyes of Christian citizens, represents and emblem of eternity, and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, The Son, and Holy Ghost. When the flag is completely folded, the Stars are uppermost, reminding us of our National Motto, “In God We Trust.”

When the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington and the Sailors and Marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving the rights, privileges and freedoms we enjoy today.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A high school in South Carolina that barred students from bringing American flags to sporting events after they were allegedly used to taunt Hispanic students from another school, has since reversed its decision. According to the Christian Post, Travelers Rest High School Principal Lou Lavely insisted that he has “the utmost respect for our flag,” but argued that using it to display unsportsmanlike behavior is in itself “improper and disrespectful to our flag.” However, he agreed to reverse his position following an ‘uproar’ from members of the community. Officials stated that, “Instead of restricting possession of the flag, the TRHS administration will, if needed, address the misuse of the flag, or any other inappropriate behavior, on an individual basis.” http://ow.ly/uHf7303L8zn

If you’re an animal lover – specifically a dog lover – you’ll also love this story!  A happy ending to a lost dog story. According a Yahoo News, Edward Casas was boating in the middle of Lake Michigan with his wife when their son’s 10-month-old puppy, Rylee, fell overboard. By the time the couple realized he was gone the dog was no where to be seen. Edward called a lost dog search team but the night went by with no sightings. It wasn’t until the next morning that someone reported seeing the dog. Officials say Rylee swam over six miles and then walked another 12 miles through the woods before he was tracked down and returned to his owners. http://abcn.ws/2bS3Uud

When he was 2, Jeremy Shuler was reading books in English and Korean. At 6, he was studying calculus. Now, according to Yahoo news, at an age when most kids are attending middle school, the exuberant 12-year-old is a freshman at Cornell University, the youngest the Ivy League school has on record. Jeremy is the home-schooled child of two aerospace engineers who were living in Grand Prairie, Texas, when he applied to Cornell. While Jeremy’s elite-level SAT and Advanced Placement test scores in math and science at age 10 showed he was intellectually ready for college, Collins said what sealed the deal was his parents’ willingness to move to Ithaca. Jeremy’s father, Andy Shuler, transferred from Lockheed Martin in Texas to its location in upstate New York. http://yhoo.it/2bKgTM4

Television and movie star Kevin Sorbo is working on a new film about an atheist who, upon experiencing a near-death experience, converts to Christianity. According to the Christian Post, the movie is titled “Let There Be Light.” The film is in production and recently completed a shoot in Birmingham, Alabama.Sorbo’s wife Sam co-wrote the script for “Let There Be Light.” Sorbo also played an atheist in the surprise 2014 box office hit “God’s Not Dead.” There he played a professor who demands that all his students conclude that God is not real only to be challenged by a young Christian man. http://ow.ly/26Mg303UGAH

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Until tomorrow… keep your eye on the ball, your nose to the grindstone, and your shoulder to the wheel. If you can work in that position, you’re a better person than I am.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 09, 2016…

The Wild Life—Here is another version of “Robinson Crusoe.”  This time, the film is animated and concerns the animals who peacefully live on the island until a human is washed ashore. They decide to help, but soon pirates are there, too. Voice of Colin Metzger. “The Wild Life” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for animation fans.

When The Bough Breaks—A couple who can’t conceive a child decide on a surrogate mother. Things don’t go smoothly here, at all.  Morris Chestnut and Regina Hall are the would-be parents, while Jaz Sinclair is the surrogate mother. “When The Bough Breaks” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Sully—It had to happen, a film about the heroic landing of a passenger plane on the Hudson River in 2009. Tom Hanks is Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, gray hair and all, and we see what happened before, during and after the plane went down. Clint Eastwood directs. Also in the cast are Aaron Eckhart and Laura Linney. “Sully” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Before I Wake—Jacob Tremblay is a little boy without a family.  He is taken into a foster home and then adopted.  However, he has a problem.  He is afraid to go to sleep, fearing monsters.  Can he be helped? Also in the cast are Kate Bosworth and Thomas Jane. “Before I Wake” is rated PG 13.

(New Opening Date) Morgan—is a science fiction film about creating artificial life and decided whether to keep it or terminate it. Stars Kate Mara, Toby Jones, Michelle Yeoh and Anya Taylor-Joy. “Morgan” is rated PG 13. No rating.

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016…

Mr. Church is a different role for Eddie Murphy as he takes on the persona of a caring person helping a young girl and her sick mother.

Blair Witch is a sequel to the 1999 film with relatives of those disappeared going into the same wood area. Stars James Allan McCune.

Operation Avalanche concerns a government cover-up. Stars Matt Johnson.

Bridget Jones’s Baby and here is Renee Zellweger back as Bridget and pregnant. Who is the father?

Snowden has been put together by Oliver Stone and stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Snowden, the whistle-blower.

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