September 11, 2017: Monday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20170911
PDF: 20170911

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I would like to apologize for the lousy show I’m about to do today… I promise to try harder next time.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” –Matthew 16:26

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved. –Acts 4:12

We proclaim him [Jesus], admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we present everyone perfect in Christ. — Colossians 1:28

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

We were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow. — Job 8:9

Thought: While Job never learned why he suffered, he did learn his place in the universe before the Almighty God (Job 38-41). When we are young, time passes so very slowly — especially if we are waiting for something special! But as we get older, the years fly by more and more quickly. Yet despite all our learning, despite all our experience, we come to two great awakenings: our knowledge compared to what there is to know is so very small and our place in the passage of time is so very short. Both of these awakenings prepare us to turn our lives and future over to our God who longs to bring us to himself.

Prayer: Holy and Almighty God, my Abba Father, thank you so much for your overwhelming patience as you try to communicate your love to people like me with my limited abilities to comprehend your magnificence and glory. Please give me wisdom this week, to make the decisions I need to make and to choose your way and not my own. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Proverbs 9:11 NIV = For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

TODAY IS MONDAY – SEPTEMBER 11, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
104 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

(U.S.A. only) Today is PATRIOT DAY, marking the terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington, D.C., on September 11, 2001. Honor it in whatever way you feel led.

(U.S. & Canada) Today is 911 DAY, sponsored by the National Emergency Number Association. It’s a day to honor emergency phone workers. ***Preferably by not calling them.

Today is NATIONAL TRICKY HANDSHAKE DAY. ***Come… join our secret society…

Today is NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS DAY, a day to feel better by not reading, listening to, or watching the news. ***That means you can listen to my show because I NEVER have anything relevant to say!

TODAY IS ALSO…

Libraries Remember Day
Miss America Pageant
National Day of Service and Remembrance
Patriot Day
Pet Rock Day
Remember Freedom Day

National Boss/Employee Exchange Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12

International Day for South-South Cooperation

Ants On A Log Day
National Day of Encouragement
National Police Woman’s Day
Video Games Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

International Chocolate Day
Kids Take Over The Kitchen Day
National Celiac Awareness Day
National Peanut Day
National Programmers Day
Roald Dahl Day
Scooby-Doo Day
Uncle Sam Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

Live Creative Day
National Kreme Filled Donut Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

Clean Up The World Weekend
Constitution Day/Pledge Across America
Felt Hat Day
Google.com Day
Greenpeace Day
Hug Your Boss Day
International Day of Democracy
International Dot Day
International Grenache Day
LGBT Center Awareness Day
National 8-Track Tape Day
National Cheese Toast Day
National On-line Learning Day
National POW/MIA Recognition Day
National Tradesmen Day
Tackle Kids Cancer Day

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16

AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day
Anne Dudley Bradstreet Day
Big Whopper Liar Day
Boys’ and Girls’ Club Day for Kids
International Coastal Cleanup Day
International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer
International Eat An Apple Day
Locate An Old Friend Day
Mayflower Day
National Clean Up Day
National Gymnastics Day
National Seatcheck Saturday
National Stepfamily Day
National Tatoo Story Day
National Guacamole Day
Play-doh Day
Puppy Mill Awareness Day
Stay Away From Seattle Day
Stepfamily Day
Trail of Tears Commemoration Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 17

Batman Day
Citizenship Day
Constitution Day
International Country Music Day
National Monte Cristo Day
Time’s Up Day
VFW Ladies Auxiliary Day
Wife Appreciation Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

Air Force Birthday
Chiropractic Founders Day
Hug A Greeting Card Writer Day
National Ceiling Fan Day
National Cheeseburger Day
National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day
National Respect Day
Respect for The Aged Day
World Water Monitoring Day

ON THIS DAY

1789: Alexander Hamilton was appointed the first Secretary of the Treasury.

1936: President Franklin Delano Roosevelt dedicated Boulder Dam (now Hoover Dam) in Nevada.

1962: The Beatles recorded their first single, Love Me Do.

1971: Former Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev died at age 77.

1971: The animated TV series “The Jackson Five”, featuring the voices of the five Jackson brothers, debuted on ABC. ***It lasted about as long as you could sing “ABC, easy as 1-2-3.” (audio clip)

1981: First Lady Nancy Reagan spent $200-thousand on new china for the White House. She said they really needed it. ***We run into that problem at our house all the time too.

1985: Cincinnati Red Pete Rose’s 4,192nd hit broke Ty Cobb’s career record. President Ronald Reagan congratulated Rose by phone. ***And then asked if he could place a bet.

1992: An electrician at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility near Lucasville suffered serious burns while performing routine maintenance on the electric chair. ***Was there not a better place to sit and take a break?

1997: In Scotland, voters approved the establishment of a parliament to run their domestic affairs, after 290 years of union with England.

2001: Two hijacked commercial jets were crashed by terrorists into the north and south towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, causing the collapse of both towers. A short while later, another plane was crashed into the Pentagon, and fourth into a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(NONE TODAY)

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actress (Lexie, the young girl in Jurassic Park) Ariana Richards 38 (Ariana is also a brilliant artist as well, and her depictions of the female form on canvas are flawless!)

  • soap actress (“General Hospital”, “Guiding Light”, “Loving”) Laura Wright 47 (audio clip)

  • actress (Cassandra on “Frasier”, Hot to Trot, Firewall, Dune) Virginia Madsen 54 (audio clip)

  • actor (“Police Woman”, the cook in Forbidden Planet, Frank Dominus on “Night Man”, Fred Duffy on “Caroline in the City”) Earl Holliman is 89

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1935 : Arvo Pärt

1943 : Mickey Hart(Grateful Dead)

1945 : Dennis Tufano (The Buckinghams)

1953 : Tommy Shaw (Styx)

1957 : Jon Moss (Culture Club)

1965 : Moby

1967 : Harry Connick, Jr.

1971 : Richard Ashcroft

1975 : Brad Fischetti (LFO)

1977 : Ludacris

1977 : Jon Buckland (Coldplay)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

From where did we get the expression, “laid-back,” meaning relaxed?

These are not easy times. Life is stressful. Work and personal relationships take a lot out of us. We get set up and put down, brought down and stood up. We’re often downcast and uptight. And where does it all end? We get laid out! All the more reason to find time somewhere in between the womb and the tomb to be laid back. From where do you suppose we get such an evocative expression? Picture a chaise lounge by a pool in Acapulco. Got it? Well get rid of it, because it’s the wrong picture. Conjure up instead a Harley-Davidson roaring down a rural highway. We’re talkin’ dudes on motorcycles, folks! The bikes are often built so that the rider is leaning back at a 45-degree angle, almost reclining. These guys seem to be having a near-sleep experience as they make enough noise to wake the dead.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Workaholic Japan is known for long office hours and stressed-out employees, but one company claims to have a cure: cats. A total of nine fluffy felines eat, sleep and walk freely in the small office of IT firm Ferray in Tokyo. Hidenobu Fukuda, who heads the firm, introduced an “office cat” policy in 2000 upon request from one of his employees, allowing staff to bring their felines to work. Other Japanese companies are also allowing animals in the office to help reduce stress and anxiety.  ***I thought briefly about suggesting this for the radio station – but then I realized if I suggest it, I’d be the one stuck cleaning the litter box.

If you’re having a rough day, just think back on some good times. Psychologists from Rutgers University write in the journal Nature Human Behavior that ‘self-generated’ positive emotions help the brain switch its narrow focus on a bad situation to a wider focus. The researchers had 134 volunteers plunge their hands into icy water, and half then thought of good memories for 14 seconds, while others focused on neutral memories. Those who thought of happy times felt calmer and had stress hormone levels 15 percent lower than those who thought of neutral memories. Thinking of the good times could even cut your stress response by as much as 85 percent. ***They then added it’s even more effective if you don’t put your hands into ice water.

Scientists have been able to create baby mice from freeze-dried mouse sperm that was kept on the International Space Station.  ***And thank goodness – because we all know how dangerously low the mouse population is on this planet.

Andrew Schalk, a high school junior with type 1 diabetes, and his dog, Alpha, go everywhere together – including school at Stafford High in Virginia. Alpha is there to help Andrew manage his blood sugar levels during the day. The pair have gone viral since Andrew and Alpha are featured in side by side photos in the school’s yearbook.  ***Strangely, the dog was voted prom king… while Andrew was voted “Boy With The Coldest Nose.”

Scientists have identified 51 human genes that are tied to intelligence. ***And, for the record, none of those genes had large holes in their noses or tattooed foreheads.

He’s back now, but ABC executives were reportedly upset that Houston native and “Good Morning America” anchor Michael Strahan did not cut his vacation short to return and cover Hurricane Harvey. A source tells Page Six of the “New York Post:” “ABC News asked Strahan to come home from his vacation. But he refused.  ***This is kind of ridiculous.  Houston is completely swamped, but if only Michael Strahan could get there, then everything would be okay!

“Suicide Squad 2” is already in the works. ***And nobody knows why.

Leslie Van Houten, the youngest of Charles Manson’s ‘family’ was recommended for parole. She still has to get approval by the parole board and the governor, which denied her last year.  ***I say we keep THAT streak alive.

Christian Bale has packed on the pounds for his next role as Dick Cheney in the upcoming movie, “Backseat.” ***He’s also training hard on how to use a gun so in the hunting scene he can believably accidentally shoot another actor.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Listerine financed a poll that asked what’s the most embarrassing thing that can happen on a first-date. Among teens and young adults, bad breath apparently is the most embarrassing thing that can happen on a first-date.  *** They obviously never went on any of (OTHER JOCK’S) first dates.

While retailers are making their own coupons and even manufacturers’ coupons available through mobile apps, customers still prefer to clip and carry around paper coupons. For every one online coupon redeemed, 48 paper ones are redeemed.  ***You just mowed down another ten acres of rain forest to save 30-cents on that cream of chicken soup.  I hope you’re happy.

A recent report shows that about half of American 17-year-olds can’t identify the books and historic events that have always been basic cultural touchstones. 48 percent didn’t know what “1984” was about, 49 percent didn’t know that Joseph McCarthy was crusading against communism, and only 43 percent could place the Civil War as being fought between 1850 and 1900. A spokesman said it shows schools are concentrating so much on teaching math and reading, kids aren’t learning the basic history, literature and humanities required to maintain a common culture.  ***If we’re spending so much time teaching them reading, how come they’ve apparently never read anything?  How about we just teach them how to read by using history books? Problem solved!

A government study suggests a lot of teenage girls are clueless about their chances of getting pregnant.  In a survey of thousands of teenage mothers who had unintended pregnancies, about a third who didn’t use birth control said the reason was they didn’t believe they could pregnant.  Why they thought that isn’t clear. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey didn’t ask teens to explain.  But other researchers have talked to teen moms who believed they couldn’t get pregnant the first time they had sex, didn’t think they could get pregnant at that time of the month or thought they were sterile.  ***It’s ironic that the government is forcing many teens to attend Sex Ed classes, and the one thing they’re not learning is how sex works.

An Oxford study found that if you use a lot of flowery language to describe the taste or smell of something, people actually think it tastes and smells better.  ***This explains how the French convinced everyone that the world’s greatest foods are snails, goose liver and fish eggs.  And how else can you explain that we all love cheese, which actually smells like feet?

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Millard the Monkey – driven to the edge of madness for not being able to do anything better than Mozart (Steve Mozart, that is) – decided he’d had enough. He charted a flight with Jean Claude the flying squirrel’s plane to leave the jungle for places unknown…

CLOSE: Well, if Millard’s envy, jealousy, and hatred of Mozart doesn’t kill him, Jean Claude’s flying very well may! Where in the world can Millard relocate to get away from Steve Mozart? Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Some people are just desperate to get their satellite television.

Today’s Moment of Duh comes from Holland with the story of a thief who had really bad timing. He wanted to steal a satellite dish but unfortunately for him the dish he chose to steal was in use at the time… by a homeowner who was very interested in a soccer game and who was not happy when he missed seeing a goal. The sounds of the homeowner cursing the TV sent the criminal scurrying from the roof. Police are still looking for him.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN LEAST NECESSARY BACK-TO-SCHOOL ITEMS

10. Self sharpening pen

9. “Your Scientific Guide to the Planet Pluto”, for that first book report

8. The new Dell Pyromaniac PC

7. Mini-fridge backpack

6. Left handed Crayons

5. Ziploc gym bags to lock in the freshness

4. Lemon scented white out

3. Three-ring nose punch

2. “256 Shades of Gray” Box of Crayons

1. Low fat, low cholesterol paste

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If you’re robbed by friends, it’s really easy to hunt them down.

FILE #1: Jared Colwell and three other Utah men were just trying to sleep at 3:00am when two men in ski masks busted in the door. Jared’s brother Cooper was asleep on the couch. The men in masks began yelling, telling them to get up and give them all their money, wallets, and cell phones. Jared says he was so shocked that nothing was going through his head as he handed over all his belongings. The robbers left, but Jared and Cooper thought they may have recognized one of the voices as a friend who had stayed with them for a couple of weeks before. So the boys came up with a plan. Jared figured they had his phone so he tried to call it a couple times, when they didn’t pick up he sent a text message. The text message said “Randy, I really want my phone back. I’ll pay you $300 for the phone right now.” It took twenty minutes before a response came back that said “Okay, let’s do this.” The plan was to meet and do the exchange at a nearby store. To everyone’s surprise the suspects showed up to the arranged meeting place and hid behind the dumpster behind the store. When they came out to try and rob their victims of the $300, instead they found police who immediately took them into custody.

FILE #2: A Chicago man faces criminal charges after trying to beat up the dog that is well known worldwide for “Taking A Bite Out Of Crime”! 18 year old Darrell Worlds has been charged with battery for hitting a 14-year-old who was dressed as “McGruff, The Crime Dog” at an Orland Hills Jamboree festival. McGruff was just walking through the festival and shaking hands with children at the time when Worlds tried ripping off his mask to run away with his head.

FILE #3: No one can say the government of Thailand is soft on white collar crime. A few years back, a woman was convicted of swindling the public out of millions of dollars while working as an investment guru for the government. The judge sentenced her to 141,078 years behind bars. According to Guinness, that’s the longest sentence ever given anywhere in the world.

STRANGE LAW: In Columbus Ohio, it is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

A man decides to go to bed… in someone else’s house!

Police charged a man with burglary and disorderly conduct after he allegedly wandered into a neighbor’s home, stripped off his clothes and fell asleep in a 6-year-old’s bed. A man, 26, was arrested early Sunday after a child in a house woke his parents to tell them a man was asleep in his bed. When officers arrived, the residents were screaming for help from a second-floor window. Officers said the man’s clothes, which smelled of alcohol, had been dropped on the floor. They said the man admitted drinking at a New Haven club but denied he was in the wrong house.

PHONER PHUN

What is jail/prison really like, anybody been there?

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What was the name of the sorcerer who was struck blind by the apostle Paul?
ANSWER: Elymas (Acts 13:6-12)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Adult humans have 206 bones. How many bones do newborn babies have?

ANSWER: 306.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. A whale’s heart beats only twice per minute. (False – nine times a minute)

2. Ulysses S. Grant was the last U.S. President with facial hair. (False – Taft)

3. A day on Jupiter lasts about ten hours. (True – 9 hours, 50 minutes and 30 seconds at the equator, to be precise)

4. In her films, Shirley Temple always had 40 curls in her hair. (False – 56)

5. Galileo’s most powerful telescope was as strong as a pair of binoculars are today. (True)

6. “Ping-Pong” is a registered trademark of Parker Brothers. (True)

7. Thomas Jefferson was the only U.S. president ever granted a patent. (False – Abraham Lincoln was the only one)

8. A blind chameleon still changes colors to match his environment. (True)

9. 80% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals. (False – 40%)

10. On the average, a normal person’s eye muscles move about 125,000 times in one day. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Man Attacks __________ During Funeral!” (CORPSE)

Police in Orlando, Florida arrested Timothy Cleary after he walked into a funeral service at the Harvest Baptist Church, approached the open casket and started throwing punches and physically attacked the corpse! No one knows why he did it but the hearing judge did order a complete psychological evaluation. 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink.  The bartender says, “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.

The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”

The bartender says, “Sure, but it’s really gotta be something I’ve never seen.”

“Deal!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.”

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

“Money or another miracle, or else no drink”, says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch.

A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says, “It’s a deal.”

He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.

The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy.”

“Not so”, says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

JOKE #2

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. 
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes.

When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. 

”When you finish cutting the grass,” I said, “you might as well sweep the sidewalk.”

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

A final thought: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is me.

JOKE #3

During a road trip I stopped in a small town to grab a bite to eat. I walked into a local pizza place and the first thing I noticed was a sign on the wall advising: “Price. Quality. Service. Pick Any Two.”

USELESS FACTS

A recent study shows that around 9% of the North American population doesn’t have bank accounts.  ***And most of them work in radio.

Gorillas are considered apes, not monkeys.  The way to distinguish between an ape and a monkey is that apes do not have tails.  ***Of course, if you still get confused in front of an ape and call him a monkey, he’ll gladly rip your arms off so you won’t forget ever again.

FEATURED FUNNIES

GIVE THIS TO YOUR HUSBAND AND TELL HIM IT’S REAL

Type this up in the form of a letter from a local store and give it to your husband.  There’s a good chance half of it’s true.

Dear Mrs. ____,

    Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again unless your husband stops his antics while you are shopping.  Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras.

  • July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  • July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in house wares”.

  • August 4: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

  • September 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

  • September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’d bring pillows from the bedding department.

  • September 23: When our clerks ask whether they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

  • October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

  • November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.

  • December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

  • December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

  • December 21: When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

There probably are more.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Dogs need roughage too… and will apparently do anything to get it.

A German woman thought she had been robbed when she returned to her car to find $700 missing and her dog vomiting, only to discover the pet had eaten the cash. She informed police and took the dog to a vet. The vet gave the dog an injection and after 20 minutes six of the missing bills reappeared. The dog spit out the rest of the money in shreds along with some bank statements. The woman was able to trade the damaged bills in for new ones at a bank.  ***MARLAR: Aren’t dogs supposed to eat your homework instead? Then again, dogs can’t read – so what did he know?

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

RELATED TO GOD

One cold evening during the holiday season, a little boy about six or seven was standing out in front of a store window. The little child had no shoes on and his clothes were mere rags. A young woman passing by saw the little boy and could read the longing in his pale blue eyes. She took the child by the hand and led him into the store. There she bought him new shoes and a complete suit of warm clothing. They came back outside into the street and the woman said to the child, “Now you can go home and have a very happy holiday.”

The little boy looked up at her and asked, “are you God, Ma’am?”

She smiled down at him and replied, “No son, I’m just one of His children.”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Song of Solomon 4:10 = “How delightful is your love… How much more pleasing is your love than wine.”

Love, so beautiful but so vulnerable.  Over the past year this nation has been experienced a heart that is breaking. Perhaps we have learned something we didn’t know about ourselves.  We have found something that is of more value than our day-by-day pursuits. We sat by our TV and stared in unbelief at what mankind is capable of doing.

No pain could have been greater or longer lasting than when you lost a loved one either in death or rejection in life. When you love someone there is always that risk of losing them. To lose someone is to break one’s heart. To break one’s heart there is pain. To feel pain, often one entertains thoughts of never getting that close to anyone again. We have wanted to protect ourselves from experiencing that pain again. Yet now, many have wept openly when they felt the grief in prayer or the pain of hopelessness of loved ones in trouble.

C. S. Lewis said it best: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung out and broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one not even a pet. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable…. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love… is Hell.”

LEFTOVERS

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

LIFE… LIVE IT

FRIEND OR COWORKER?

According to Good Housekeeping, a friend could cost you your job.

…The magazine offers these tips for developing friendships in the office so you don’t get burned:

  • Take it slow — Choose your friends at work carefully, and no matter how well you get along at first, let the friendship develop at its own pace. Don’t rush things. Don’t share secrets too soon.

  • Be strategic about what you reveal — While many of us solve our personal problems by discussing them with others, don’t do this at work. Gripe too much about all the stress in your life, and the boss may think you’re not able to handle your job.

  • Know your territory — Every office has a personality. It may be happy and open. It could be quiet and private. If it’s the latter, do your best to keep your personal life quiet and private as well. And even if it’s a happy and open place, it is never appropriate to gossip about other employees’ lives.

  • Learn how to handle conflict — When problems arise between you and another employee, do address them immediately, but do it in a non-confrontational way using specific examples.

  • Accept an expiration date — This is the sad reality: Office friendships expire. When one or both people move on to new employment, the friendship is likely to last two years at the most.

JUST FOR FUN

SHIPWRECKED

A shipbuilder who built his 106 ft-long dream vessel is facing his toughest challenge yet – getting it in the water.

Charlie Brown’s (yes, that’s his REAL name!) ship, the Vera Cruz, is the biggest bugeye schooner ever built, but may find its first journey – from the Nevada desert to San Francisco – its most difficult. The veteran shipbuilder picked a shipyard in the northern Nevada Desert for the 45-ton schooner because it was cheaper than building it in a coastal yard. The sight of a sailing ship in the desert is already attracting visitors from as far away as Japan to his dusty yard near Carson City.  ***MARLAR: Building a huge ship in the desert – that actually sounds like something Charlie Brown would do!  Or Noah!

FUN LIST

APPLICANT ERRORS

These are taken from resumes and cover letters that were printed in the Fortune magazine. The spelling is exactly the way it appeared in the magazine:

  • I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

  • Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

  • Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

  • Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

  • It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

  • Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.

  • You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

  • Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

  • Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.

  • I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

  • I am loyal to my employer at all costs… Please free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

  • I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

  • I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

  • As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

  • Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

  • Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

  • Note: Please don’t miscontrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.

  • Marital status: often. Children: various.

  • Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

  • The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

  • References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

“As Socrates said ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ The challenge today is to lead an examined life in a very un-examining age.  Whatever triggered it, you have been catapulted into a journey to find Truth.” –Os Guiness, regarding the events of 9/11

ONE

By Cheryl B. Sawyer Ed.D
As the soot and dirt and ash rained down,
We became one color.
As we carried each other down the stairs of the burning building,
We became one class.
As we lit candles of waiting and hope,
We became one generation.
As the firefighters and police officers fought their way into the inferno,
We became one gender.
As we fell to our knees in prayer for strength,
We became one faith.
As we whispered or shouted words of encouragement,
We spoke one language.
As we gave our blood in lines a mile long,
We became one body.
As we mourned together the great loss,
We became one family.
As we cried tears of grief and loss,
We became one soul.
As we retell with pride of the sacrifice of heroes,
We become one people.
We are:
One color
One class
One generation
One gender
One faith
One language
One body
One family
One soul
One people
We are The Power of One.
We are United.
We are America.

HOW DID OUR YOUNG RESPOND TO 911?

The following are statements written by young children in America, soon after 911.

  • “I talk to my mom and dad because I’m afraid it might happen again.”  (Raul, 12)

  • “I think that it made us all proud to be American.”  (Ceara, 10)

  • “Life is for living. Forget the past and think of the future.”  (Gemma, 12)

  • “I’m scared that they will take me to their country.”  (Jasmine, 10)

  • “I felt scared and worried about another attack.”  (Simone, 11)

  • “I feel like everyone has never felt as bad as this before.”  (Nick, 11)

  • “I think about it all the time because of all the people that lost their lives.”  (Astena, 12)

  • “I’ve learned that no matter how old or young you are, you can still die.”  (Amber, 10)

  • “America now knows we can withstand any disaster.”  (Kelly, 9)

  • “I’m still haunted by all the people dying that day.”   (Alysha, 8)

  • “I saw a picture of one of the Twin Towers. There were people’s heads sticking out of the windows. It made me scared to just think how terrified those people were.”   (Alison, 10)

  • “I had a dream that I was in the 1st & 2nd towers (not at the same time) and I saw the plane.”    (Janice, 12)

  • “After 9/11, I felt alienated from my peers. Part of the reason was because I am an Iraqi-American. I felt like after that day Arabs wouldn’t be respected anymore, but people are fascinated by my background. Knowing that America is a ‘melting pot,’ we should all stand together as one.”   (Sara, 12)

  • “I have learned that the ‘united’ in the United States, really is true.”   (Megan, 10)

  • “I’ve learned that we have some bad people in the world, but we also have some very kind, unselfish men and women who chose to fight for the freedom and safety of America.”  (McKenna, 11)
    –  “September 11th really changed my life. It really made me think about how God has blessed me.”   (Noelle, 11)

  • “I felt really guilty that all those people had to suffer just because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time.”    (Ronnie)

  • “I am an eleven year old girl, and I am very sensitive in many ways. Everything in the world bothers me. Why is everything going wrong in the world? The shootings, the plane crashes…why? WHY? WHY?? It really hurts my feelings. What can I do as a citizen to maybe help put a stop to everything??”    (Judith, 11)

9/11 URBAN LEGENDS

  • Claim: Israel was behind the World Trade Center attacks and Jews were warned not to turn up for work. Source: A story in an Israeli newspaper that thousands of Jews had been killed, which was retracted the following day. This was widely interpreted in the Middle East as an inadvertent leak that Jews in the World Trade Center received a warning. On September 17 Lebanon’s al-Manar television claimed this was evidence that linked the attacks to the state of Israel. Status: False. Through video broadcasts, Osama bin Laden has claimed responsibility for the attacks. There was no warning. There is no evidence of any involvement of anyone other than al-Qaeda and associated groups. Many Jews were among the murdered.

  • Claim: Several internet domain names related to the attack had been registered beforehand. Origins: Many news outlets reported that least 17 different domain names relating to the attacks were registered at least 15 months before September 2001. Among these were towerofhorror.com, worldtradetowerattack.com and worldtradetowerstrike.com. Status: False. None of these domain names are specific to the attacks on 11 September, and the Twin Towers had already been the subject of a terrorist attack in 1993. It is true that people rushed to register new domain names following the attacks (such as NewYorkCarnage.com) to make a profit by putting together disaster-related websites or reselling the domain names.

  • Claim: Osama bin Laden owns Snapple. Origins: It was reported in the New York Post that some Snapple soft-drink products were distributed in Saudi Arabia by a company that had an investment from the Saudi Binladin Group. Following Snapple’s decision to cut all links with the distribution company, a rumor spread alleging Osama bin Laden was owner of Snapple. Status: False. So widespread was this rumor that Snapple chief executive Michael Weinstein released a statement denying it.

  • Claim: Osama bin Laden owns Citibank, one of the world’s largest financial institutions. Source: Numerous websites. Status: False. The rumor is thought to have started when it emerged that the Saudi prince Alwaleed bin Talal had a 4.8 per cent holding of Citibank’s stock. Talal has no connections whatsoever with bin Laden or any other terrorist group.

  • Claim: The US itself staged the air attack on the Pentagon. Origin: The French author Thierry Meyssan, who advances the theory in his book The Frightening Fraud. Meyssan claims the attack on the Pentagon was the work of the US military. Status: False. The main ground for Meyssan’s case was that only the exterior of the building was damaged, yet CNN proved this to be wrong, with photographs and footage detailing internal damage.

  • Claim: Hospitals were to see a sharp increase in births nine months after 11 September. Origins: A variety of newspapers, magazines and websites claimed that, in the aftermath of the Twin Towers attacks, hundreds of couples suddenly realized the value of life and decided to have a child — or just wanted more sex. Status: False. Hospitals in New York and across other states have failed to report any increase of births. Some hospitals reported fewer than normal.

  • Claim: A freed Arab terrorist was responsible for the 9/11 attacks. Origin: Several papers reported that an Arab terrorist, jailed for life for his part in attacking a bus in Israel in 1986, had been released and was one of the pilots flying the planes on September 11. Status: False. A classic case of mistaken identity. There was a Mahmoud Mohamed Atta who was convicted for terrorism, but he was no relation to the Mohamed Atta involved in the World Trade Center attacks.

THE FLAG CEREMONY

The flag folding ceremony represents the same religious principles on which our country was founded.

The portion of the flag denoting honor is the canton of blue containing the stars representing states our veterans served in uniform. The canton field of blue dresses from left to right, and is inverted only when draped as a pall on a casket of a veteran who has served our country honorably. (Flag detail will fold the flag in half twice and is not prepared to start the 13 trifolds)

“I am Old Glory . . . . with a most beautiful message. Born amid the first flames of America’s fight for freedom, I am a symbol of a country that has grown from a little group of 13 colonies to a United Nation of 50 sovereign states. A symbol of liberty and strength, I have traveled far and endured much to carry my message throughout the world.

From the frozen forest of Valley Forge to the steamy jungles of Vietnam, the burning sands in the Mideast and drought-stricken Somalia, to the carnage of 9/11, I have stood as a symbol of our unit, our thoughts, and our purposes as a Nation.”

The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veteran departing our ranks who gave a portion of his life for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.

The fourth fold represents our trust in God, for, as American citizens, it is to Him we turn in time of peace as well as in times of war for His divine guidance.

The fifth fold is a tribute to our country. In the words of Stephen Decator, “Our country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it still is our country, right or wrong.”

The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. For it is with our hearts that we pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces , for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The eighth fold stands for the Constitution of the United States of America , where all men are created equal, with rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

The ninth fold is a tribute to Womanhood ; for it has been through their faith, love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.

The tenth fold is a tribute to fathers , for they, too, have given their sons and daughters for the defense of our country.

The eleventh fold, in the eyes of Hebrew citizens, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and Glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

The twelfth fold, in the eyes of Christian citizens, represents and emblem of eternity, and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, The Son, and Holy Ghost. When the flag is completely folded, the Stars are uppermost, reminding us of our National Motto, “In God We Trust.”

When the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington and the Sailors and Marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving the rights, privileges and freedoms we enjoy today.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

When it comes to love, it might not be best for Capulets and Montagues to mingle and marry. Why? Opposites may attract, but they aren’t best for each other. People are typically attracted to someone who loves what they love. When we hold similar values, expectations and attitudes with our partner, we generally know what to expect and we are less likely to negotiate and compromise on every minute element of the relationship. That’s not to say that opposites can’t attract, but major, significant differences have the potential to become a breeding ground for disagreements, unmet expectations and additional difficulties.

If you are having trouble committing random acts of kindness, it is probably just your DNA. A recent study has linked two genes to a person’s ability to do the nice thing. Ironically, the genes work best during hard times, say researchers at the University of California at Irvine. “Specifically, study participants who found the world threatening were less likely to help others unless they had versions of the genes associated with niceness,” says Professor Michael Poulin of the University of Buffalo. “The nicer genes allow you to overcome feelings of the world being threatening and help other people in spite of those fears.”

“Petting and playing with dogs lowers blood pressure and heart rate almost immediately,” says Hal Herzog, an anthrozoologist and psychology professor at Western Carolina University. These benefits may add up to long term protection: Some studies show that dog owners have lower blood pressure, cholesterol, and obesity risk than people without them. Even a brief interaction with a dog can ease anxiety and boost mood, finds a new Yale study. “A dog may change your perception of a stressor,” says lead researcher Molly Crossman. “You come home after a bad day, your dog runs up so happy to see you, and suddenly you think, ‘You know what? I can do this.'” (Men’s Journal)

A recent study seems to debunk the beloved old adage: “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” Maybe it can make folks healthy and wealthy, but that “wise” part is now in question. Researchers from the London School of Economics have discovered that folks with high IQs tend to be night owls, compared to those with modest IQs, who are more likely to rise early and be at their best during the daytime. Further studies have also found a link between “eveningness” and scoring high grades in school. Still, all is not rosy for those who burn the midnight oil. It’s been show that people who tend to stay up late may be less dependable and more likely to suffer from depression and various addictions than early risers.

Kids who spend too much time in front of the TV or playing video games take longer to fall asleep at night than active children, says a recent study. And that’s important because previous research has shown that children who don’t sleep well are more likely to get bad grades and become obese. Scientists in Australia monitored the sleep patterns of 519, 7 year olds and concluded that they conked off three minutes later for every hour of the day they were inactive. Say researchers: “These findings emphasize the importance of physical activity for children.”

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Guardian Angel Plumber Gives Scholarships to Kids With Parents in Jail

It can already be tough growing up without a parent – let alone trying to finance your own way through college without parental help. That’s why Karl Winsness is lending a hand. As a means of helping out local kids, Winsness created the only scholarship in the country that is given exclusively to children with incarcerated parents. Winsness, who calls his educational gift the “Willy the Plumber Scholarship”, only makes about $30,000 working as a plumber. The father of two says that he is able to afford the scholarship by living a relatively modest lifestyle. Winsness spreads word of the scholarship simply by spreading homemade fliers around Salem, Utah. While the sum of the grant is only about $1,000, the 17 recipients of the scholarship say that the financial boost means a great deal to their own wallets – as well as their self-esteem. One of the youths whose parents both went to jail when she was 5 years old said: “You get really down on yourself, people judge you, and you just feel like you can’t do anything. Then, all of a sudden, you have this random stranger who believes in you and knows that you’re not who your parents are.”

(Original story and video at https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/guardian-angel-plumber-gives-scholarships-kids-parents-jail/)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Spare the GUN, Spoil the Child?
In Blackpool, England, a couple is in jail after they shot their children with a BB gun for not doing household chores properly! The five kids, aged 7 to 15, were apparently blasted with the air weapon daily! One girl said she was shot for dropping things while her 15-year-old sister was targeted for refusing to change a diaper. Another girl, aged 13, was shot for having a boyfriend – her dad said she was too young. One daughter said: “They’d shoot me on the legs, arms, stomach and back.” The crimes came to light this year when one of the children, who had an open wound, told a teacher she’d been shot. Social services removed the children from the home. The kids said while both parents used the gun, it was mostly the father. 
(Daily Mirror)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Until tomorrow… keep your eye on the ball, your nose to the grindstone, and your shoulder to the wheel. If you can work in that position, you’re a better person than I am.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 08, 2017…

IT—Stephen King wrote two thrillers that really caught my interest.  One is “Pet Semetary” and the other is “IT.”  A friend of mine did “IT” for Talking Books and used semi-liquid gelatin, slowly poured, as the monster going through the sewers. The basic story here, is about a monster, who poses as a clown. People disappear over the years on a regular basis, and what is going on?  It is up to a group of teens to figure things out and plot out what to do. In an earlier film adaptation, Tim Curry played the monster with chilling effect.  Now, it is Bill Skarsgard who dons the clown clothes and stalks the town. Jaeden Lieberher is the leader of the teen group, with Sophia Lillis, Finn Wolfhard, Jack Dylan Grazer, Jeremy Ray Taylor and Chosen Jacobs as the rest of his team. The kids work together well because they are “different” from the other kids in town and teased for it. “Different” being short in stature or overweight. “IT” will bring goosebumps and though it depicts teens, the story is intense. “IT” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

9/11—(opening date may be changed) This film is adapted from Patrick James Carson’s play “Elevator” and concerns five people trapped in an elevator during the 9/11 attack. What a situation to be in. Tension builds. The cast includes Charlie Sheen, Jacqueline Bisset, Whoopi Goldberg and Gina Gershon. “9/11” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

Rebel In The Rye—Nicholas Hoult has the lead role of author J. D. Salinger and his young career life before writing “Catcher In The Rye.” Zoey Deutch plays Oona O’Neill, his girlfriend, who is the daughter of Eugene O’Neill. Also in the cast are Kevin Spacey and Sarah Paulson. “Rebel In The Rye” is rated PG 13. No rating.

SEPTEMBER 15, 2017…

American Assassin is adapted from the Vince Flynn novel and stars Michael Keaton as a military trainer.

Brad’s Status stars Ben Stiller as an insecure man who thinks he doesn’t mix well with friends.

mother! has Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Barden dealing with unwelcome visitors.

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