September 12, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150912

New Life Ministries prize package giveaway

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW), where we’re always nice to the little people… because we are them.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” –Philippians 4:11

 

Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. –Psalm 86:6-7

 

I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. — Psalm 121:1-2

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the LORD your God. — Leviticus 19:31

 

Thought: Our world has a re-emerging fascination with the occult and the world of demons and witchcraft. It’s easy for us to react in one of two dangerous ways: to downplay the reality of these things or to dabble in them as matters of entertainment or amusement. God wants us to know that these fascinations are dangerous because the evil entities behind them are real and when we involve ourselves in them, they defile us. God alone is God and is to be worshiped without rival by his people.

 

Prayer: Holy and magnificent God, thank you for breaking the power and hold of evil powers through Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. Please deliver those whom I know and love that are entrapped in one way or another with a fascination with false gods and deceiving and destructive spirits. Empower your Church with your Spirit; please cleanse us and make us a holy people, undefiled and ready for your service. In the name of the Lord Jesus I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Genesis 9:12 NIV = And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come:

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – SEPTEMBER 12, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 108 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  ONLY 496 DAYS UNTIL BARACK OBAMA LEAVES OFFICE.

 

Today is VIDEO GAMES DAY, a day for kids to thank their parents for all the cartridges and quarters.  ***MARLAR: Of course, nowadays it’d be more appropriate to thank them for the Wii – but that just sounds nasty when you say it out loud.

 

Today is NATIONAL CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE DAY. ***MARLAR: Energy for playing video games!

 

Today is LASSIE DAY, marking the debut of the TV show on this date in 1954. Through the years, the cast included six different Lassies, Tommy Rettig, Cloris Leachman, and June Lockhart. (

)

 

LOVE A MENSCH WEEK begins today. ***MARLAR: I had to look this one up, as I had not a clue what a mensch was.  According to the dictionary, a mensch is, “A person having admirable characteristics, such as fortitude and firmness of purpose.”  So now your job is to go out and find somebody that fits that description and shake their hand, tell them “thanks for being such a mensch” and see what kind of response you get.

 

This is NATIONAL NO BULLY WEEK, a time in which no one is bullied at school, at work, or in society.  ***MARLAR: People bullies can’t stand? Mensches. What a fun day this is going to be.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

International Day for South-South Cooperation

National Day of Remembrance for Aborted Children

National Hollerin’ Day

National Iguana Awareness Day

Prairie Day

Video Games Day

Farmer Consumer Awareness Day

International Drive Your Studebaker Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

Grandparents’ Day

International Chocolate Day

Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day

National Celiac Awareness Day

National Peanut Day

Roald Dahl Day

Scooby-Doo Day

Miss America Pageant

National Hug Your Hound Day

National Pet Memorial Day

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

National Kreme Filled Donut Day

Rosh Hashannah

World Maritime Day

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

Rosh Hashannah

8-Track Tape Day

Felt Hat Day

Get Ready Day

Google.com Day

Greenpeace Day

International Day of Democracy

International Dot Day

 

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16

Anne Bradstreet Day

International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer

Mayflower Day

National Guacamole Day

Play-Doh Day

School Backpack Awareness Day ***Huh? Are backpacks corrupting our kids without our knowing it?

Stay Away From Seattle Day

Stepfamily Day

Trail of Tears Commemoration Day

 

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 17

Citizenship Day

Constitution Day

International Country Music Day

RAINN Day (Rape Abuse Incest National Network)

Time’s Up Day

VFW Ladies Auxiliary Day

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

Air Force Birthday

Chiropractic Founders Day

Constitution Day/Pledge Across America

Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day

National Ceiling Fan Day

National Cheeseburger Day

National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day

National Respect Day

World Water Monitoring Day

Clean Up The World Weekend

National POW/MIA Recognition Day

National Trademen Day

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19

Clean Up The World Weekend

AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day

Big Whopper Liar Day

Boys’ and Girls’ Club Day for Kids

Fall Astronomy Day

International Eat An Apple Day

International Coastal Clean up Day

National Gymnastics Day

National Seatcheck Saturday 2015

Talk Like a Pirate Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20

Clean Up The World Weekend

Puppy Mill Awareness Day

Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play

Wife Appreciation Day

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21

International Day of Peace

Respect For The Aged Day

World Alzheimer’s Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1609: Henry Hudson began his exploration of the Hudson River.

 

1910: Alice Wells became the first Los Angeles policewoman with full arrest powers. Even in uniform, Alice was accused of misusing her husband’s badge to ride the streetcar free, until L.A. finally issued her “Policewoman’s Badge #1.”

 

1953: Future President John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Bouvier.

 

1966: The Monkees invaded television. The hand-picked-for-TV group lasted until 1969 and continued in re-runs for many years as something of a cult favorite. (

)

 

1977: South African black civil rights leader Steven Biko died while in police custody.

 

1981: The Antique Doorknob Collectors of America was founded in Waverly, Iowa. Today it’s headquartered in Eola, Illinois.

 

1992: Dr. Mae Carol Jemison became the first black woman in space aboard the Space Shuttle Endeavour.

 

1999: Indonesia announced it would allow an international peacekeeping force to restore order to East Timor.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1729: John W. Fletcher, early Methodist theologian, is born. During the Calvinism-Arminianism controversy within Methodisism in the mid-eighteenth century, Fletcher became the chief defender of evangelical Arminianism. John Wesley hoped Fletcher would be his successor, but Fletcher died six years before Wesley.

 

1788: Alexander Campbell, one of the founders of the Disciples of Christ and the Church of Christ, is born in Ballymena, Ireland.

 

1922: The American Episcopal church votes to excise the words “to obey” from its wedding service’s marriage vows.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • American Idol singer Ruben Studdard 37
  • Actress (Robin Hood: Men In Tights, “Wings”) Amy Yasbeck 51 (
    )
  • Original MTV VJ (beginning in 1981), Nina Blackwood, 60
  • Actor (“Bosom Buddies”, “Newhart”) Peter Scolari, 61 (
    )
  • Actress (Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing on “Dallas”, Hillary Michaels on “Melrose Place”) Linda Gray, 75 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1929 : Kenny Dino

1931 : George Jones

1933 : Maria Muldaur

1938 : Judy Clay

1944 : Barry White

1952 : Neal Peart (Rush)

1952 : Gerry Beckley (America)

1956 : Barry Andrews (XTC)

1957 : Hans Zimmer

1957 : Pat Dinizio (The Smithereens)

1966 : Ben Folds (Ben Folds Five)

1972 : Liam Gallagher (Oasis)

1977 : Paul McCartney’s son, James is born.

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Who invented the refrigerator, and when did it first become available to consumers?

Scottish scientist William Cullen, in 1748, discovered that the liquid ethyl ether, allowed to evaporate in a partial vacuum, cooled its surroundings. Americans in the early 19th century substituted the rapid expansion of a gas for the evaporation of a liquid as the coolant. With the widespread availability of electricity at the beginning of the 20th century, the time was ripe for the debut of the household appliance that we know. It arrived in 1913. Now grab me a cold Pepsi, will ya?

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Hawk Nelson is taking your requests this week. They are asking for help in selecting the list of songs to play on their fall tour with Newsboys. Simply make your suggestions by using the hashtag #hawknelson. However, they say there is one requirement. The songs requested have to actually be Hawk Nelson’s own songs. They tweeted: we haven’t mastered all the @onedirection covers yet…

 

Tenth Avenue North helped Whitworth University kick of their school year this week. Front man Mike Donehey tweeted: Talking to some students tonight, I was minded how God is much more interested in the posture of our hearts than the success of our careers. More than our failures, more than our achievements, God wants…us.

 

Kevin Max is currently raising money for a crowd funded cover CD titled Starry Eyes. This week he announced a surprise campaign update. Right now, when you pledge, you can download first 5 songs. http://t.co/MTIN7xm85k http://t.co/ryhXNYc20I

 

Audio Adrenaline has found a unique way to support Haiti’s Hands and Feet Project. Front man Adam Agee is offering to give VIP tickets to the person who wins the projects Fantasy Football League. A $50 entry donation gets you in the league.

 

A major step in parenthood for Kevin Max. This week he traded in for a minivan. Kevin said that, with four kids and a dog, it was a necessary part of dad life.

 

Another groaner from Citizen Way:  Someone stole my mood ring, I don’t know how I feel about that.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Berlin unearths granite head of Lenin after 24 years    photo
BERLIN (AP) — A 3,900-kilogram (8,600-pound) head of Vladimir Lenin that was removed from a Berlin square in 1991 has been unearthed for a new exhibition. The granite head was part of a 19-meter (62-foot) Lenin figure unveiled in 1970 on East Berlin’s Leninplatz, or Lenin Square. After German…

 

Appalachian Trail record holder pays fine for Maine bubbly    photo
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — An ultramarathoner who set the speed record for completing the Appalachian Trail paid a $500 fine Wednesday to settle citations over his celebration atop Maine’s Mount Katahdin that struck a nerve with park officials worried about crowding and commercialization of the…
Woman stops by Colorado police station to hug officer    photo
ARVADA, Colo. (AP) — The Arvada, Colorado, Police Department has posted a photo on its Facebook account of a woman who came into the station just so she could hug an officer. KMGH-TV (http://bit.ly/1IW0jyF) reports the woman told police on Monday she was upset about the deaths of law…
Canadian couple watches beach home burglary via web cam
FORT MYERS, Fla. (AP) — A Canadian couple watched via web cam as a man broke into their Florida vacation home on Fort Myers Beach before turning the video over to authorities. The surveillance tape helped Lee County sheriff’s deputies arrest 45-year-old Thomas Hinton on Sunday, the day after…
Owner of wayward chicken in San Francisco comes forward
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — The owner of a wayward chicken that fouled up traffic at the Oakland-San Francisco Bay Bridge last week reclaimed his bird Tuesday and planned to take it to an elementary school garden like he intended to do the day the chicken escaped from a cardboard box in his pickup…
Loose monkey makes life a little bananas in Kentucky town
OWINGSVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Kentucky wildlife officials have captured a monkey on the loose in a small town. State police and Bath County deputies had been helping Kentucky Fish and Wildlife officers with their monkey business in the town of Owingsville. Media reports say officials had to…
Miss America parade shoes unveiled as competition begins    photo
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (AP) — Contestants in the 2016 Miss America pageant will wear butterflies, snowflakes, dice, potatoes and dinosaurs on their shoes when they hit the Atlantic City Boardwalk this week. The Miss America Organization on Tuesday unveiled the footwear that each of the 52…
King Kamehameha statue’s spear found on banks of channel    photo
HONOLULU (AP) — Detectives have found the spear that was taken from King Kamehameha’s (cah-MEH’-ha-MEH’-ha) statue on Hawaii’s Big Island. The top section of the spear held by a statue of the Hawaiian warrior was reported missing Sunday. Detectives returned to the scene to continue…
Despite 90-degree weather, school district declares snow day
KEYPORT, N.J. (AP) — On a day when temperatures surged past 90 degrees in central New Jersey, an electrical problem has forced a school district to declare a snow day. Classes were canceled Tuesday in Keyport because of a malfunctioning component at the district’s elementary school. Officials…
Police: Stuck on elevator, burglar forced to call 911
LAUREL, Del. (AP) — Authorities say a burglar who broke into a middle school got stuck on an elevator and was forced to call 911 for help. Local media outlets report that police say 19-year-old Michael Claude of Laurel broke into the school Monday. Officials say he was riding down the…
Kansas State says it will pay fine after band performance
Kansas State will pay a $5,000 fine and its marching band will perform without its director later this season as part of self-imposed sanctions following a routine that turned into a widespread social-media meme over the weekend. The school also said Tuesday it would require approval of all future…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Regulators halt study of cancer risks at 7 nuclear plants
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — Federal regulators are pulling the plug on a five-year study of the risk of cancer in communities around six U.S. nuclear plants and a nuclear fuel site. Remaining work on a pilot study would take too long, at more than three years, and cost too much, at $8 million, the…

 

Surgeon general calls for steps to promote healthy walking    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Take a walk: That’s the U.S. surgeon general’s prescription for sedentary Americans — but communities will have to step up, too, and make neighborhoods easier and safer for foot traffic. Only half of adults and just over a quarter of high school students get the amount…
House chairman: Planned Parenthood probe protects taxpayers    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Opening long-awaited congressional hearings, a top Republican said Wednesday an investigation of Planned Parenthood was intended to protect taxpayers from the kind of “horrors” suggested by secretly recorded videos of group officials discussing the sale of tissue from…
In a 1st, New York to require salt warnings on eatery menus    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Some sub sandwiches, movie theater pretzels and even milkshakes and salads will soon come with a first-of-its-kind salt warning symbol in New York City after officials agreed Wednesday to stake out new ground in a national push for healthier eating habits. The city Board of…
Second death reported in nationwide salmonella outbreak
SAN DIEGO (AP) — A Texas woman has become the second person to die in a nationwide salmonella outbreak linked to tainted cucumbers sold by a California company, health officials reported Wednesday. The woman, who already had other serious health issues, died in late August and medical records…
NYC ends consent requirement for circumcision suction ritual    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — People who perform an ultra-Orthodox Jewish circumcision suction ritual will no longer have to get parents to sign acknowledgements of potential health risks, the city Board of Health decided Wednesday, reversing a policy that pitted health officials against religious leaders…
California lawmakers approve right-to-die legislation    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — The state Assembly approved legislation Wednesday that would allow terminally ill patients to legally end their lives after an emotional and deeply personal debate, sending the proposal to the Senate that is expected to endorse it. It was the second effort by…
Health insurance signups near 10 million in midyear report    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — About 9.9 million people have signed up and paid for health insurance under President Barack Obama’s health care law, the administration said Tuesday, a slight dip from a previous count but on track toward the administration’s year-end goal of 9.1 million. The U.S. Department…
Extreme preemies make survival gains, 20-year study finds
CHICAGO (AP) — Odds have improved that many extremely premature U.S. infants will survive without major problems, although prospects remain poor for the smallest and youngest, born nearly four months too soon, a government-funded study found. The findings suggest that the age of viability…
3 tips for adjusting to changes in primary health care
The family doctor visit is getting complicated. Drugstores and other retailers are opening clinics that offer care alternatives. Shrinking insurance has made routine visits to a physician more expensive for many. Here are three tips for navigating this evolving world: ___ 1. OWN YOUR CARE Patients…
Retail clinics, apps change doctor-patient relationship    photo
Tom Coote suspected the stabbing pain in his abdomen was serious, but the harried doctor at the urgent care center suggested it was merely indigestion. Coote also suspected that his recently retired family physician would have taken more time to diagnose what turned out to be appendicitis. “Even…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Do Not Turn Upside Down”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Darren Marlar, “Halloween at the Mall”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was heading out for a picnic, singing show tunes. He wanted to go alone, but Millard the Monkey talked him into taking him along as well… but then Millard told all the other jungle animals, and now everybody is heading out for one gigantic picnic!

 

CLOSE: The mother of all picnic spots in order to have the mother of all picnics! Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 12/13, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were headed out for the best and biggest picnic they’d ever had. But Gruffy Bear insisted that they not have the picnic until they found the perfect picnic spot. They’ve already found a really nice spot – but it’s not good enough for Gruffy.

 

CLOSE: That sure sounded like the perfect picnic spot. What better place could they find? Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Today’s Moment of Duh proves that the old saying “the early bird gets the worm” isn’t always a fool-proof way to live.

From Wiggins, Colorado comes the story of an inDUHvidual who had a plan to rob a bright, shiny new ATM machine located in the entryway of the High Plains National Bank. He crashed his car through the front doors of the bank, in the process knocking the ATM over. He then went to work on the machine, prying it open. Much to his surprise there was no cash to be found inside. Not one bill. The newly installed ATM had not yet been loaded with cash. In fact, it hadn’t even been plugged in yet. Our inDUHvidual left empty handed.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN TODDLER PROPERTY LAWS

  1. If I like it, it’s mine.
  2. If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
  3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
  4. If I had it a week ago, it’s mine.
  5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
  6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
  7. If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
  8. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
  9. If it is near me, it’s mine.
  10. If it’s broccoli, it’s yours.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A cop setting up a speed trap falls into the trap of those upset about the speed trap!

 

FILE #1: Sarasota (Fla.) County Sheriff’s Deputy Tim Czachur recently drove his cruiser to a familiar spot to take a turn watching for speeders. The patrol car immediately rolled into a neatly created hole about 5 feet by 5 feet, which was disguised by someone’s having laid palm fronds and oak branches across it. Officer Czachur says, “Someone must have been ticketed and got upset.”

 

FILE #2: 36 year old Kristopher Ward and his common law wife, Christina Chastain, recently moved into a nice two-story $175,000 house. Like everyone else who moves into a new home, they had the phone connected, the water, cable, electricity, answering machine, computer, refrigerator, etc. A Real estate agent drove by the house after they had moved in and noticed something strange about the whole scenario. Randy Sons later called the police and told them that property, that was supposed to be vacant, was anything but. Police arrived at the home and issued Ward and Chastain summonses for trespassing. Ward had apparently noticed the house empty and decided to move in – they’d been there about a month.

 

FILE #3: An elusive thief has broken into the Amendt baking goods factory in Monroe, Michigan 3 times in the past 2 weeks. Each time, getting away with about 50 pounds of chocolate chips. The latest break-in was discovered when workers found chips scattered across an office floor and an open newspaper on a desk. The stolen goods are worth about $100.

 

STRANGE LAW: The town of Hood River, Oregon prohibits the act of juggling without a license.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

It was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives… but ended up a wedding of woes!

It was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. Instead, their wedding day ended with a brawl. Police were called when a fight broke out at a couple’s wedding reception in Westlake, Ohio. The fight started when the bride’s father introduced his new son-in-law by the wrong name. It ended with about 10 police officers trying to calm the guests down. The bridegroom’s father and a friend of the groom were charged with drunken disorderly conduct. No one was seriously hurt.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Were you ever bullied as a kid? What did the bully do to you? Did you ever turn the tables on the bully?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Ruth and Boaz had a son named _____.

ANSWER: Obed (Ruth 4:13-17)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many years would it take to get to one billion seconds?

ANSWER: About 32 years – not that anyone has actually personally counted for themselves.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Porcupines are excellent swimmers. (True, because their quills are hollow)

 

  1. The African lungfish can live out of water for up to four hours. (False – up to four YEARS!)

 

  1. In 1935, Jesse Owens set six track and field world records in less than one hour. (True)

 

  1. The last man on the moon was Buzz Aldrin. (False – Gene Cernan)

 

  1. The average desktop computer contains at least five times more computing power than was used to land a man on the moon. (True)

 

  1. Every major league baseball team in the U.S. buys about 800 baseballs each season. (False – it’s eighteen thousand baseballs each season!)

 

  1. The onion is actually a lily. (True)

 

  1. The moon is one million times drier than the Gobi Desert. (True)

 

  1. A seventy-pound octopus can squeeze through a hole the size of a silver dollar. (True – because it has no backbone)

 

  1. Donkeys can live between 10 and 20 years. (False – 30 to 50 years)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SCIENTISTS CREATE ALLIGATOR-___________ HYBRIDS!  (CHICKEN)

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Harvard scientists are mixing chicken DNA with alligator DNA!

Harvard University scientists are mixing up chicken DNA to make “embryos with alligator-like snouts instead of beaks.” Great!

Arkhat Abzhanov, an evolutionary biologist at Harvard University, developed the chickens with snouts by cutting a square hole in the shell of a chicken egg and dropping in a small gelatinous protein bead before watching the embryo develop.

The changes allowed separate molecules on the side of the face free to grow into snouts within 14 days.

Although ethical rules prevent the eggs from bring hatched, Dr Abzhanov said he hopes to complete the work one day by turning chickens into Maniraptora.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn’t say it again.

The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, “Hey lady.”

She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, “Yes?”

The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said, “You know.”

 

 

JOKE #2

It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and
disheveled.

“What happened?” asked a fellow camper.

“I was chased by a black snake!” cried the frightened Jed.

The camper laughed and retorted, “A black snake isn’t deadly.”

“Listen,” groaned Jed, “If he can make you jump off a fifty-foot cliff, he is!”

 

 

JOKE #3

Todd’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asked, “Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?”

Looking over her carefully, Todd replied, “Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five.”

“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Todd interrupted.
”I haven’t added them up yet.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A hotel in the Middle East has dirt all over the floor, in the bed and in the bathroom. In fact it has dirt everywhere. Arab millionaire Rashid Abdel Hamid has opened the “Mud Hotel” — a hotel built entirely from mud — on Israel’s’ war-torn Gaza Strip. Hamid says, “Everyone says I’m crazy, but it’s going to be a huge success!”  ***MARLAR: Unless, of course, it rains!  (I understand that the rates are dirt-cheap!)

 

So how much of the glitz and glamour of the Miss Universe pageant is real? Not much, says Michael Schwandt, a choreographer of many of the pageants. Schwandt scrutinized the competition and revealed Donald Trump is allegedly fixing the competitions. According to Schwandt, Trump decides who will make it to the final six — after a private meeting with all the women.  ***MARLAR: Gee, who’d have thought that “Reality TV” isn’t real?

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

HOW DO YOU DRESS FOR CHURCH?
Come as you are…
One Sunday morning the congregation of a ritzy church (with vaulted ceilings, hand carved oak pews, stained glass windows and deep plush carpet had a stir. A man came in just minutes before the service was to begin and he was dressed horribly. He had on boots, overalls, a flannel shirt, and a cowboy hat. The congregation was aghast! Many quickly sent notes to the minister about this concern. At the end of the service the minister greeted the humbly dressed man and asked him if he enjoyed the service. The man exclaimed that he enjoyed it very much. The minister asked the man to consider possibly dressing differently, and told him to pray to Jesus about he would have him dress if he should return again. The next week the man returned. He was dressed the same and once again the congregation was disturbed. At the end of the service the minister greeted the man again and asked him what he had been told by Jesus concerning his how to dress for church. The man exclaimed, “I spoke with Jesus about this but Jesus said he didn’t know how I should dress for this church because He has never been here.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

  1. COFFEE, YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE

Who do you love more, your cappuccino or your fiancée?  You may not have to decide between the two any longer! At The Rev. Al Holm’s drive-through espresso place, you can get a latte, a mocha — or married. His Sacred Grounds coffee shop occupies a former pizza counter in the back of a convenience store in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Like a lot of states, Idaho requires only a wedding license for a legal marriage. There’s no waiting period or blood test. Holm, a retired police chaplain, is ordained in the First Christian Church, but the counter of Sacred Grounds is his only pulpit. His five-minute weddings may include a bit of scripture, although he’s been known to ask couples how much religion they want. ***MARLAR: I now pronounce you “Mr. and Mrs. Coffee – you may kiss your latte!”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

TWO DAUGHTERS

Drained of energy and money, she’d sought medical help for twelve years. Her hemorrhaging was only worse. She greeted an endless round of sunrises, daylight hours and sleepless nights with leftover fatigue and homesteaded despair.

Lately rumors flew about a healer, one who attributed his gift to God. Men long blind were seeing. Demons ripped from the tortured. Pure-skinned lepers returned to families. Crutches abandoned, those crippled since their cradles skipped home!

Arising from bed, she ate a crust of leftover bread. Depleted of resources – bartered for promised cures – she determined to find this gentle healer.

On the stony path neighbors ran past her. Excitement crackled in the air, and ahead she saw a wall of people. Like olives pressed into a stone jar, villagers packed tight around this one  called Jesus.

Filled with odors of illness and home cures, the air was cloying. She noticed the synagogue ruler Jairus edge toward the healer. She’d heard his twelve-year-old daughter was gravely ill.

Twelve years. She knew about twelve years. The year Jairus’ daughter was born, her own plague started. She trailed behind the ruler. Jairus collapsed at Jesus’ knees. “My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hand on her so she will be healed and live”(Mark 5:23).

His plea trumpeted hope. She thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed” (28). Finally within reach, her fingertips brushed the homespun robe, and she faith-tagged the rabbi Jesus. Whole. She felt whole!

Although jostled by many, Jesus asked, “Who touched me?” She stepped nearer Jesus and falling at his feet admitted her health-change.

“Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering” (34). While he spoke, messengers delivered an appalling blow to Jairus – his little girl was gone.

The couriers asked, “Why bother the teacher anymore?” But Jesus told Jairus, “Don’t be afraid, just believe” By nightfall, the community buzzed about the grave-robber Jesus.

Two females – twelve years of age, twelve years of pain – two daughters’ lives restored because of the Messiah.  For physical and spiritual healing, Jesus’ words are relevant.

“Don’t be afraid. Just believe.”

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

(modified from Campus Journal)

I am convinced that [nothing] will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. –Romans 8:38-39

Joanne and Bill had been going out for 2 years. Then Joanne started attending a college some distance away, while Bill continued his studies in medicine at the same school where they had met. Some of Joanne’s friends shook their heads and predicted, “Long-distance relationships never last.” Others made sly digs about the attractive girls at Bill’s medical school. But Joanne refused to listen.

College life seemed exhausting. In addition to studying, Joanne had to do her own cooking, cleaning, and washing. She held down a part-time job under the supervision of a tough boss. She had to handle, with a great deal of tact and care, a difficult roommate. But worst of all, Bill was hundreds of miles away. Yet, Joanne refused to give up hope on their relationship.

Joanne and Bill e-mailed each other daily. They exchanged funny, romantic, and sentimental cards. When funds permitted, they reveled in the luxury of telephone calls. Though loneliness, fears, and misunderstandings sometimes got in the way, they recognized that the basis of their relationship was committed love.

At their wedding, 5 years later, Bill and Joanne nudged each other when the pastor announced: “What God has joined together, let no one put asunder.” Joanne smiled inwardly as she realized that neither time nor distance nor doubts nor tough times had been able to separate her from Bill’s love, nor Bill from her love.

The Christian life is not without problems. Paul warned in his letter to the Romans that we may have to do battle with “trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword” (Romans 8:35). A formidable list!

But these problems need not cause us to panic. Difficulties need not drive us to despair. The basis of our relationship with God is that nothing can separate us from His love (vv.38-39).

Just as Joanne stood triumphant and radiant on her wedding day, one day we too will stand triumphant and radiant before Christ, our Bridegroom. As Paul reminded us, “Our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (v.18).

 

 

LEFTOVERS

TREKKIE WEDDING

On the Star Trek TV shows, you see all kinds of different species of aliens building friendships and even marriages between each other… but that’s all make believe, right? 

It was a wedding only Mr. Spock could appreciate.  Pamela and Ron Smith have tied the knot in the Canadian town of Vulcan (yeah, that’s the real name of the town)!  The “Star-Trek” fans exchanged their own vows in both English and Klingon.  The new Mrs. Smith even wore a fake wrinkled forehead to look like a member of the warrior Klingon race.  And with the words, “You may now kiss the Klingon,” the marriage was official.  ***MARLAR: “Do you, Ron, promise to love, honor, and obey – or be torn limb from limb by your Klingon wife until death do you come apart?”  “I do.”

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

MAKING LOVE LAST A LONG TIME

Guys, want to make your relationship last? Men’s Health has a list of tips to help you stay on your mate’s good side. Here’s a few:

  • When she fills out one of those quizzes in a women’s magazine, read it.
  • Send her a postcard–even when you’re home.
  • Let her pick the movie once in a while.
  • Never bring up her weight.
  • Have 2 bathrooms.
  • Keep all her vital statistics on a card in your wallet–birthday, anniversary, dress size, lingerie size, favorite flowers, etc.
  • TOP OF THE LIST!!!  Never agree with her mother when they’re arguing!  ***MARLAR: Trust me – I say this out of experience!

 

 

KILLER CAFFEINE

A new study is titled Caffeine: The Silent Killer of Success. According to the study on the Linkedin web site, Most people start drinking caffeine because it makes them feel more alert and improves their mood. However, researchers found that large doses of caffeine accomplish that by raising blood pressure, stimulating the heart, and producing rapid shallow breathing which deprives the brain of the oxygen needed to keep your thinking calm and rational. They say it also reduces your ability to really rest.  (Read the article here.)

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

CHOCO-SOLDIERS

We’ve heard people describe the warm feeling they get when they eat chocolate, but there soon may be a chocolate bar on the market that really does increase your body temperature!

Among the potential 21st-century foods being developed for military use is a chocolate bar with special nutrients to change the body’s temperature, which could not only make soldiers warmer in cold climates but could also thus render soldiers “invisible” to an enemy’s thermal-imaging equipment. ***MARLAR: Beware our soldiers… they bring “death by chocolate!”

 

 

FUN LIST

FOOD (OR RELATED TO FOOD) DEFINITIONS

  1. Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.2. Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

    3. Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don’t own, to make a dish the dog won’t eat.

    4. Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words “Putrid,” “hORRId,”and “sluDGE.”

    5. Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

    6. Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

    7. Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

    8. Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

FREE EATS

Some cheap eats could be coming your way. With the ever-failing economy, restaurants are having trouble filling their booths. In an attempt to lure you in, casual dining chains like Ruby Tuesday’s, Bennigan’s, and T.G.I. Friday’s are spreading some cheer with free coupons offering discounts and two-for-one deals. If you don’t see them in your mailbox or on your doorknob, check the newspapers. Industry observers say these restaurants are going though one of their worst slumps ever and that means we win. And don’t expect the deals to end anytime soon. Normally, the upcoming holidays are their busy time. If they’re having to do the coupon thing now, just wait for some really sweet post-holiday deals.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

In poverty-stricken, rural villages in South Asia, everyday life is a challenge. Most villagers are day laborers who struggle to meet their physical needs, and many are illiterate. In these areas, electronic luxuries like cell phones may seem unexpected. But strangely, they’re quite common. And that’s helpful for Gospel workers. They load a variety of electronic resources onto microSD cards and then share the content with local villagers so they can share Christ with others. https://t.co/2DYqNEPgq6

 

The country of Ghana is home to nearly 26 million people, around 71% of which are Christians. But many are missing one important thing. Many don’t have the resources or money to own a Bible themselves. In fact, many of the pastors don’t even have their own Bibles. That’s why CRI recently shipped a sea container full of half a million dollars’ worth of Bibles and Christian books to be distributed among the people of Ghana.  https://t.co/kf4KgxyAzk

 

Archaeologists say they have found the buried remains of a mysterious monument close to Britain’s famous Stonehenge heritage site. Up to 90 standing stones, some originally measuring 15 feet and dating back some 4,500 years, were found burried under a bank of earth. The discovery was made at Durrington Walls — a so-called “superhenge” located less than 2 miles from Stonehenge — thanks to hi-tech sensors. http://yhoo.it/1NdGusD

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Chaos, panic and disorder — my work here is done. –Wisecrack of Dawn

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Labors of Love

Labor Day returns! I’d be interested to know, of all American holidays, which is the least recognized and celebrated? Many people don’t have a good working knowledge of Labor Day history.
Our actual holiday of Labor Day has an interesting history. The Christian Post shared some details of this a year ago. The article provides a good refresher.
Christians are divided on whether labor unions should be viewed as favorable. History has shown that many improvements in the workplace have come about through both the awareness and pressure applied by labor unions. That’s the good side.
But unions have also been known to be corrupt. Greedy. And, at times, violent in their treatment of those who don’t share their agenda. It’s hard to endorse that kind of organized labor.
But my blog today has a different focus. I’m recommending reading a fairly lengthy opinion piece in the New York Times. It’s titled, “Rethinking Work.”
The story opens with the troubling reminder that “nine out of 10 workers spend half their waking lives doing things they don’t really want to do in places they don’t particularly want to be.”
The article states that it was “Adam Smith, the father of industrial capitalism, who felt that people were naturally lazy and would work only for pay. ‘It is the interest of every man,’ he wrote in 1776 in The Wealth of Nations, ‘to live as much at his ease as he can.”’
That is a fairly brutal assessment that leaves me feeling parched for more meaningful work.
But it is why the Times opinion writer, Barry Schwartz, adds “Work is (still) structured on the assumption that we do it only because we have to. The call center employee is monitored to ensure that he ends each call quickly. The office worker’s keystrokes are overseen to guarantee productivity.”
There is, however, a different way to approach work. And it’s one of my favorite stories from this article:
About 15 years ago, the Yale organizational behavior professor Amy Wrzesniewski and colleagues studied custodians in a major academic hospital. Though the custodians’ official job duties never even mentioned other human beings, many of them viewed their work as including doing whatever they could to comfort patients and their families and to assist the professional staff members with patient care.
They would joke with patients, calm them down so that nurses could insert IVs, even dance for them. They would help family members of patients find their way around the hospital.
The custodians received no financial compensation for this “extra” work. But this aspect of the job, they said, was what got them out of bed every morning. “I enjoy entertaining the patients,” said one. “That’s what I enjoy the most.”
Now, while I can’t tell you these custodians are Christ followers, I can tell you that their attitude reflects the Godly command to all believers to work as if we are working for the Lord. Here’s the way the apostle Paul said it to the Ephesians:
“Servants, respectfully obey your earthly masters but always with an eye to obeying the real master, Christ. Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the Master, regardless of whether you are slave or free.” Ephesians 6: 5-8, The Message
Do that…and your soul should be able to transform any work into a form of service in the most positive of ways. You might even call your work… a labor of love.
And with that…a Happy Labor Day.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 09, 2015…

 

Time Out Of Mind (opening in select cities)—Richard Gere has dropped out of the social structure to the point of being homeless.  He goes through New York City, just wandering, and trying to connect with himself and reconcile with his daughter, too.  “Time Out Of Mind” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 11, 2015…

 

Sleeping With Other People—This film is a romantic comedy about two people with a definite problem.  They cheat romantically on people. Jason Sudeikis is one person and Alison Brie is the other person. They discover each other and try to help each other get out of this pattern, only to find they really like being together.  The cast includes Natasha Lyonne and Amanda Peet. “Sleeping With Other People” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Perfect Guy—You look for the perfect guy and after dating a few, here he comes. At last. Sanaa Lathan falls for Michael Ealy, but just who is he, anyway? Also in the cast is Morris Chestnut. “The Perfect Guy” Is rated R. No rating.

 

The Visit—What a premise for a horror film. It is about two children (Ed Oxenbould and Olivia DeJonge) who visit their grandparents for five days. Strange things happen and this is how-much-grossness-can-the-audience-take. Who directs the film? M. Night Shyamalan. “The Visit” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…

 

Black Mass has Johnny Depp transforming himself into yet another memorable character.  This time it is based on the real life of the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger.

 

Everest takes the audience on a scary trip up Everest in 1996 when a climbing group met adverse weather conditions.  Stars Jake Gyllenhaal.

 

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials is next in the line of books to be put on the screen. Stars Dylan O’Brien an Patricia Clarkson.

 

Sicario is about an FBI agent (Emily Blunt) who fights crime along the Mexico-U.S. border.

 

Cooties stars Elijah Wood as a teacher in a school where kids are turning into zombies.

 

# # # # #

 

 

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