September 14, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150914

New Life Ministries prize package giveaway

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I just learned something pretty disturbing about the boss. I have to be really careful on the show now. Honestly, the boss has never actually fired anybody… but he has starved 10 or 12 people.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” –Hebrews 13:16

 

Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you. –Proverbs 20:22

 

[The Lord says,] “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. — Isaiah 46:4

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. — Hebrews 12:2

 

Thought: Who is your hero? I’m not asking for the Sunday school class answer, but the person you most actively admire! It is hard to “fix our eyes on Jesus” because he is not here where we can see him like other heroes. But he was the ultimate adventurer and trailblazer. He faced the horrific penalty and shame of the cross, taking away our sin! He did it so that we could have a hero that death and sin could not destroy, mar, or taint. He did it so that we could be confident that if we follow in his footsteps, the trail he blazed wasn’t just for him, but for us, too!

 

Prayer: Holy God, forgive me when I chase what is false and let my focus shift from Jesus as my ultimate hero. I want to honor and serve him, having his life come alive in me, so that others may know the confidence that comes in having Jesus as their Lord. Words cannot express my gratitude to my Lord for his sacrifice and the horrible price he paid for my sins. Neither can words express my jubilation at his trailblazing victory that assures that I will someday be with you forever! It is in his name, Jesus Christ, that I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Hebrews 9:14 NIV = How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – SEPTEMBER 14, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 106 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  ONLY 494 DAYS UNTIL BARACK OBAMA LEAVES OFFICE.

 

 

Today is EAT A HOAGIE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Cool – because I’m using this information on the show, I could now head out for a sub sandwich and it’d be tax deductible!

 

Today is NATIONAL CREAM-FILLED DOUGHNUT DAY.  ***MARLAR: Cool – because I’m using this information on the show, I could now head out for doughnuts, and they’d be tax deductible!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

National Kreme Filled Donut Day

Rosh Hashannah

World Maritime Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

Rosh Hashannah

8-Track Tape Day

Felt Hat Day

Get Ready Day

Google.com Day

Greenpeace Day

International Day of Democracy

International Dot Day

 

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16

Anne Bradstreet Day

International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer

Mayflower Day

National Guacamole Day

Play-Doh Day

School Backpack Awareness Day ***Huh? Are backpacks corrupting our kids without our knowing it?

Stay Away From Seattle Day

Stepfamily Day

Trail of Tears Commemoration Day

 

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 17

Citizenship Day

Constitution Day

International Country Music Day

RAINN Day (Rape Abuse Incest National Network)

Time’s Up Day

VFW Ladies Auxiliary Day

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

Air Force Birthday

Chiropractic Founders Day

Constitution Day/Pledge Across America

Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day

National Ceiling Fan Day

National Cheeseburger Day

National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day

National Respect Day

World Water Monitoring Day

Clean Up The World Weekend

National POW/MIA Recognition Day

National Trademen Day

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19

Clean Up The World Weekend

AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day

Big Whopper Liar Day

Boys’ and Girls’ Club Day for Kids

Fall Astronomy Day

International Eat An Apple Day

International Coastal Clean up Day

National Gymnastics Day

National Seatcheck Saturday 2015

Talk Like a Pirate Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20

Clean Up The World Weekend

Puppy Mill Awareness Day

Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play

Wife Appreciation Day

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21

International Day of Peace

Respect For The Aged Day

World Alzheimer’s Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1814: Francis Scott Key, Episcopal layman and cofounder of the American Sunday School Union, is inspired to write “The Star-Spangled Banner” during the bombardment of Fort McHenry during the war of 1812. The song didn’t become the national anthem until 1931.

 

1901: President McKinley died of gunshot wounds inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt succeeded him.

 

1927: Modern dance pioneer Isadora Duncan died in Nice, France.

 

1940: Congress passed the Selective Service Act, providing for the first peacetime draft in U.S. history.

 

1956: The first prefrontal lobotomy was performed. ***I’ll give you one guess where. <cue Jeopardy theme> Time is up. Washington D.C. Sometimes, comedy just writes itself.

 

1959: The Soviet space probe Luna 2 became the first man-made object to reach the Moon when it crashed onto the lunar surface.

 

1982: Princess Grace of Monaco died from injuries sustained in a car crash the previous day.

 

1994: Acting commissioner Bud Selig announced the cancellation of the 1994 baseball season on the 34th day of a strike by players.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

258: Cyprian, bishop of Carthage, is beheaded during the persecution under Roman Emperor Valerian.

 

407: Early church father John Chrysostom, the greatest preacher of his age, dies in exile when, in poor health, he is forced to travel on foot in bad weather.

 

1321: Dante Alighieri, author of The Divine Comedy, dies.

 

1741: George Frederick Handel finishes composing “The Messiah,” begun only 24 days earlier.

 

1814: Francis Scott Key, Episcopal layman and cofounder of the American Sunday School Union, is inspired to write “The Star-Spangled Banner” during the bombardment of Fort McHenry during the war of 1812. The song didn’t become the national anthem until 1931.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (The Christmas Shoes, Father of the Bride movies, Dana in TV’s “According to Jim”) Kimberly Williams-Paisley 44 (
    )
  • TV host/actor (“Melrose Place”) Dan Cortese, 48 (
    )
  • actress (Beethoven’s Fifth, “Murphy Brown”, “Faith & Hope”, The Pacifier) Faith Ford 51 (
    )
  • Actor (Event Horizon, archaeologist Dr. Grant in Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III, “Alcatraz”) Sam Neill, 68
  • Walter Koenig (The Russian navigator, ensign Pavel Chekov on TV’s original “Star Trek”) 79 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1914 : Mae Axton

1918 : Cachao

1944 : Joey Heatherton

1946 : Pete Agnew (Nazareth)

1947 : Jon “Bowzer” Bauman (Sha Na Na)

1949 : Steve Gaines (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

1950 : Paul Kossoff (Free)

1954 : Barry Cowsill (The Cowsills)

1955 : Steve Berlin (Los Lobos)

1969 : Kay Gee (Naughty By Nature)

1970 : Craig Montoya (Everclear)

1973 : Nas

1983 : Amy Winehouse

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What’s the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychoanalyst?

They both reduce the contents of your wallet as much as they shrink your head. But only one, the psychiatrist, can be found in a light bulb joke. (How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it has to really want to change.) In the spirit of the reality principle, however, a psychiatrist is a medical doctor who has specialized in problems of the mind. He or she is likely to use a variety of approaches, including drugs, to heal patients. Psychoanalysts do not need a medical degree, although they may have one, and they must have undergone analysis themselves. They are the ones who, in classical analysis, put their patients on a couch. These patients tend to have deep problems. With four to five sessions a week the norm, they also had better have deep pockets.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Audio Adrenaline front man Adam Agee is USB challenged. He tweeted: I’ve still never once in my life plugged in a USB cable the right way the first time. Sometimes it takes 3-4 attempts.

 

Newsboys guitarist Jody Davis is well known for his ability on the guitar. But did you know that he also makes his own guitars? Jody actually has a side business making guitars, not only for himself, but also for other artists.

 

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard has an interesting take on sweating. He tweeted: When you’re working out don’t you just picture your pores crying?

 

Jamie Grace must be getting bored. She tweeted: what are good games to play in the car?

 

Jonny Diaz: I told the groomer to give my dog the Colton Dixon.

 

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard had some help writing music recently but he wasn’t getting a lot of input. Jon shared a picture of his dog Tilly and says: So far she’s suggested *woof* *yawn* and *blankstare*.

 

If you are a member of Periscope you can now join Building 429 backstage at every show. The members of the band tweeted: wherever we go, we want to connect with you. They promised to broadcast from behind the scenes prior to each show.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Arrest made in case of Hawaiian king statue’s spear
HILO, Hawaii (AP) — Police have arrested a man in connection with a spear that was taken from King Kamehameha’s statue on Hawaii’s Big Island. The man was arrested Thursday on suspicion of theft and criminal property damage. The top section of the spear held by a statue of the Hawaiian…

 

Man flees San Francisco police by jumping in water
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A motorcyclist who hit another biker and then sped away from police tried to escape by jumping into icy San Francisco waters. He was later arrested. On Thursday afternoon, a California Highway Patrol officer attempted to stop the motorcyclist for driving on a freeway…
Man clocked at 112 mph was headed to court for past speeding
ROYALTON, Vt. (AP) — A driver clocked at 112 mph on an interstate in Vermont told police he was heading to traffic court to take care of a speeding ticket. Trooper Rich Slusser says the 33-year-old man from West Hartford, Connecticut, was also weaving in and out of traffic in Royalton on…
College graduate pays parking tickets over 40 years later
LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) — It’s better late than never for Kent Broyhill, who sent $100 to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln to pay off his old parking tickets after graduating more than 40 years ago. HASH(0x139c510) Broyhill said he forgot about the tickets until a conversation with a college…
Swimmer has eyes on aquatic prize: to swim around the world    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Martin Strel swims with a knife strapped to his right leg — in case he encounters sharks, “vampire” fish and other deadly marine life in the world’s wildest waters. On Thursday, the 60-year-old marathon swimmer announced the toughest feat of his life: A 10,000-mile,…
Bystander lets trooper use canoe to apprehend suspect
DUNCANNON, Pa. (AP) — State police say a bystander let a trooper use his canoe to apprehend a suspect who ran into a river after being hit with a stun gun. State police in Newport said a trooper on Monday afternoon noticed the unnamed, 42-year-old suspect who he believed had a suspended…
Berlin unearths granite head of Lenin after 24 years    photo
BERLIN (AP) — A 3,900-kilogram (8,600-pound) head of Vladimir Lenin that was removed from a Berlin square in 1991 has been unearthed for a new exhibition. The granite head was part of a 19-meter (62-foot) Lenin figure unveiled in 1970 on East Berlin’s Leninplatz, or Lenin Square. After German…
Appalachian Trail record holder pays fine for Maine bubbly    photo
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — An ultramarathoner who set the speed record for completing the Appalachian Trail paid a $500 fine Wednesday to settle citations over his celebration atop Maine’s Mount Katahdin that struck a nerve with park officials worried about crowding and commercialization of the…
Woman stops by Colorado police station to hug officer    photo
ARVADA, Colo. (AP) — The Arvada, Colorado, Police Department has posted a photo on its Facebook account of a woman who came into the station just so she could hug an officer. KMGH-TV (http://bit.ly/1IW0jyF) reports the woman told police on Monday she was upset about the deaths of law…
Canadian couple watches beach home burglary via web cam
FORT MYERS, Fla. (AP) — A Canadian couple watched via web cam as a man broke into their Florida vacation home on Fort Myers Beach before turning the video over to authorities. The surveillance tape helped Lee County sheriff’s deputies arrest 45-year-old Thomas Hinton on Sunday, the day after…
Mystery chunk of ice crashes onto California home
MODESTO, Calif. (AP) — A loud crash startled a California family at home Wednesday morning when a chunk of ice the size of a basketball hurdled from the sky and smashed through the roof, likely the result of frozen moisture breaking loose from an airplane flying high overhead. Monica Savath…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Amid heroin scourge, schools stock up on overdose antidote    photo
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — In addition to pencils, books and computers, count a new tool this year at many schools around the country: the heroin-overdose antidote naloxone. Many schools now keep naloxone on hand, and some states allow or encourage schools to stock it. Rhode Island now requires…

 

In Zimbabwe, a cemetery has become an exercise hotspot    photo
HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — Caroline Vumbunu believes that exercising among the dead helps prolong her life. Every morning, the 59-year-old takes power walks in the Warren Hills cemetery in Zimbabwe’s capital. She’s not alone. The cemetery has become a workout site for dozens of other Zimbabweans…
New federal food safety rules issued after deadly outbreaks    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Food manufacturers must be more vigilant about keeping their operations clean under new government safety rules released Thursday in the wake of deadly foodborne illness outbreaks linked to ice cream, caramel apples, cantaloupes and peanuts. The rules, once promoted as an…
Uncertainty reigns over possible end of 9/11 health programs    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Fourteen years after the 9/11 attacks, a new round of uncertainty looms for people exposed to the million tons of toxic dust that fell on New York when hijacked jets toppled the World Trade Center. Two federal programs that promised billions of dollars in compensation and…
Pelosi: Judge’s ruling in health care lawsuit ‘astounding’
WASHINGTON (AP) — House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi said Thursday she is astonished by a judge’s ruling that clears the way for a Republican challenge to President Obama’s health care law to move ahead. Pelosi told reporters at her weekly news conference she’s confident that Wednesday’s…
Regulators halt study of cancer risks at 7 nuclear plants
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — Federal regulators are pulling the plug on a five-year study of the risk of cancer in communities around six U.S. nuclear plants and a nuclear fuel site. Remaining work on a pilot study would take too long, at more than three years, and cost too much, at $8 million, the…
Surgeon general calls for steps to promote healthy walking    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Take a walk: That’s the U.S. surgeon general’s prescription for sedentary Americans — but communities will have to step up, too, and make neighborhoods easier and safer for foot traffic. Only half of adults and just over a quarter of high school students get the amount…
House chairman: Planned Parenthood probe protects taxpayers    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Opening long-awaited congressional hearings, a top Republican said Wednesday an investigation of Planned Parenthood was intended to protect taxpayers from the kind of “horrors” suggested by secretly recorded videos of group officials discussing the sale of tissue from…
Study: Caffeine trade thrived in ancient America    photo
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — More than 1,000 years before Starbucks, caffeine was an international market mover, with ancient civilizations trading holly and cacao-based chocolate beverages between what is now modern-day Mexico, the Southwest, and the South, according to a new study. Led by…
Actor Danny Glover in Nigeria to star in movie about Ebola    photo
LAGOS, Nigeria (AP) — U.S. actor Danny Glover said Thursday that he is in Nigeria to star in a movie based on people who risked and sacrificed their lives to stop the spread of Ebola in Africa’s most populous country. Glover said he is proud to take part in the film, called “93 Days,” because…
New York attorney general targets devil’s claw manufacturers
ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — The state’s attorney general is demanding that 13 manufacturers stop selling an obscure herbal remedy for arthritis called devil’s claw because DNA tests found samples contained a plant species different from the plant on their labels. In letters sent to manufacturers on…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Former “NBC Nightly News” anchor Brian Williams, who was demoted for embellishing stories about his reporting experiences, will return on September 22nd in his new role as live breaking news anchor for MSNBC.  ***He should fit well there – they never tell the truth either.

 

Britain’s Queen Elizabeth broke a record last week, becoming England’s longest-serving monarch. Her Highness surpassed the reign of her great-great-grandmother Queen Victoria, having spent over 63 years – so far – in power.  ***If she keeps it up she might catch up to the Clintons.

 

In an appearance Thursday on the “Ellen” show, Hillary Clinton joined Ellen for some on-stage bowling. The former first lady, senator and secretary of state hit zero pins on her first toss, then knocked down one pin on her second.  ***So she’s already a more successful bowler than she is a politician.

 

Trump is in some hot water today following a quote in “Rolling Stone” regarding his Republican opponent for president, Carly Fioriana. Trump said of the former HP CEO: “Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that?”  Following the Fioriana flap, Trump accused the media of having a double standard because, while people got upset about what he said, no one says anything when people make fun of his hair. ***So he can dish it out, but his feelings get hurt when someone dishes back at him.  Oh yeah, that’s exactly what we need in a President.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

In an intriguing study, researchers isolated a biological marker that appears to predict who is most likely to catch cold. The provocative finding is that this is a very stable marker of disease susceptibility that begins to emerge in early adulthood.  ***MARLAR: So, it’s genetic?  Next time I catch cold I’m calling to bawl out my mom.

 

Forget about hours on the treadmill. A small study suggests that you’ll be healthier if you spend your time taking long, slow walks – and standing instead of sitting whenever possible.  It might sound too good to be true, but researchers have found that it may be more important to reduce your hours sitting than it is to exercise vigorously, according to the study published in PLOS ONE.  In fact, when volunteers spent two hours standing and four hours walking each day they had healthier insulin levels and lower triglycerides than when they spent an hour a day at the gym cycling for all they were worth.  ***MARLAR: I hate to be a Debbie-downer here, but who walks for four hours a day?  The rest of us use treadmills because we’ve got stuff to do!

 

Teenagers are prolific texters. But there’s evidence that they are even doing it in their sleep.  It’s called sleep texting.  “The phone will beep, they’ll answer the text,” says Elizabeth Dowdell, nursing professor at Villanova University.   “They’ll either respond in words or gibberish. The thing that happens, though, is that when they wake up, there’s no memory.”  Dowdell says teens should get eight, nine or ten hours of sleep a night.  “Overplugged and overextended teens and young adults tend to get less than that,” she says, “so this interrupts what could be a good night’s sleep, because they’re an hour-and-a-half or two hours into their sleep cycle, and they’re answering texts or the machines are beeping at them.”  The solution is a technology-free bedroom, or, at the very least, putting the phone on the other side of the room, and turning off the ringer.  ***MARLAR: Sleep texting.  I don’t know about you, but this sounds like the perfect excuse for me to finally text someone and tell them what I really think of them.  “No, mom, I really DO like your meatloaf!  I must’ve been sleep texting…”

 

Animal researchers say that elephants may have self-awareness like humans after an elephant proved that she recognized herself in a mirror.  ***MARLAR: And immediately thought, “Dang, I need to join Jenny Craig!”

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Do Not Turn Upside Down”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Darren Marlar, “Halloween at the Mall”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was heading out for a picnic, singing show tunes. He wanted to go alone, but Millard the Monkey talked him into taking him along as well… but then Millard told all the other jungle animals, and now everybody is heading out for one gigantic picnic!

 

CLOSE: The mother of all picnic spots in order to have the mother of all picnics! Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 19/20, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals were on the lookout for the perfect picnic spot so they could have the perfect picnic. They’ve already passed some great places, and everyone wanted to stop and have their picnic… but Gruffy still isn’t satisfied, and is insisting they move on!

 

CLOSE: Is he kidding?!?! There can’t possibly be a better spot than that – and everyone is hungry and tired! What more does Gruffy want? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Sometimes you don’t truly need to call 911 to know that something is dangerous.

A guy called 911 recently with a most peculiar feeling. “I went out to dinner and brought home my leftover pizza,” he told the dispatcher. “But I left it in the car, and this morning … it was soggy … It tasted kind of funny, so I went back out to the car and noticed that the antifreeze had spilled onto my pizza. Is that dangerous?”

 

 

TOP TEN

PROCRASTINATOR’S CREED (You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.)

 

  1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

 

  1. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

 

  1. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

 

  1. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

 

  1. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

 

  1. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

 

  1. If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.

 

  1. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course l decide to change my mind.

 

  1. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

 

  1. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

What do you do when you’re a federal immigration judge and you fall in love with an illegal alien?

 

FILE #1: …Judge Cary H. Copeland married her! He wed Leticia Steer, who entered the United States in 1994 from Colombia on an expired tourist visa and never bothered to gain legal status to remain in the country. Now, it’s up to his superiors to decide if he can keep his post. Apparently, when the Judge met this woman and proposed to her, he found out she was out of status, so he reported that and tried to hide nothing. Since he reported it as soon as he found out, he wasn’t in violation of anything. However, that might not be good enough to keep his judicial post.  Immigration Lawyers Association officials say they want to review all the circumstances before making a final decision.

 

FILE #2: Zach Williams, 18, was robbed in Chattanooga, Tenn. He tried to run away and was shot to death. One of the things the robbers stole: his pager. Police, upon learning about the beeper, figured “why not?” and sent it a page. When the murderers returned the cops’ call, it was traced to George Morgan, 19, and his cousin Antonio Morgan, 18, who were arrested and charged with murder.

 

FILE #3: When all else fails, blame your lawyer. That was the philosophy of Philip Butler who was found guilty of bribery. The odd thing is Butler is a lawyer and represented himself in the case! The West Palm Beach, Florida, defense attorney was charged with taking more than $500,000 in bribes from a family he was representing. Instead of hiring a lawyer to defend himself in his own case, Butler decided to represent himself. Unfortunately for him, he did a lousy job and lost the case. But ever the lawyer, he decided to appeal the decision by blaming his lawyer. Butler appealed his felony conviction, arguing that he failed to tell himself about the danger of waiving competent counsel. Well, I guess at least that appeal did prove he didn’t have competent counsel! He’s now attempting to bribe himself to stay out of jail!

 

STRANGE LAW: In Tennessee it’s illegal to use a lasso to catch fish.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Ever wondered why the airlines ask you questions like whether someone else packed your bags or if you’re carrying any illegal substances? Do they really think people are stupid enough to answer those questions honestly? Well, sometimes it pays off.

A Spanish drug smuggler recently had a Freudian slip when he was going through customs. The customs agent was asking routine questions and asked Jose Antonio if he was carrying any “prohibitive goods”. Without thinking, he said “Yes”. Authorities then found that he was carrying 1.4kg of cocaine and arrested him.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Which movies from this year should have gone straight to DVD?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who said, “Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean”?

ANSWER: A leper (Matthew 8:2)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: In 1976, the first eight Jelly Belly® flavors were launched. What were they?

ANSWER: Orange, Green Apple, Root Beer, Very Cherry, Lemon, Cream Soda, Grape, and Licorice.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Rain contains vitamin C. (False – vitamin B12)

 

  1. All 17 children of Queen Anne died before she did. (True)

 

  1. The giant crab of Japan can be as large as 22 feet across. (False – 12 feet)

 

  1. There are more Samoans in Los Angeles than on American Samoa. (True)

 

  1. Thomas Jefferson did not sign the Constitution. (True. He was in France during the convention, where he served as the U.S. minister.)

 

  1. Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone, also set a world water-speed record of over 70 miles an hour at the age of 72. (True)

 

  1. As early as 246 B.C., con men were at work “aging” manuscripts and selling them to book collectors as antiques. (True)

 

  1. Four mouths full of cowbane, a member of the carrot family, is enough to kill you. (False – two mouths full is enough)

 

  1. In 1860, ‘Godey’s Lady’s Book’ advised US women to cook tomatoes for at least 3 hours. (True)

 

  1. In 1926, when a Los Angeles restaurant owner with the all-American name of Bob Cobb was looking for a way to use up leftovers, he threw together some avocado, celery, tomato, chives, watercress, hard-boiled eggs, chicken, bacon, and Roquefort cheese, and named it after himself: Cobb salad. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SUBWAY _______ (SHARKS)

Sharks have been spotted on New York City subways!

Tiger sharks, bull sharks, blue sharks and hammerhead sharks have all been spotted riding the New york subways in recent weeks.

Shocked conductors and passengers have seen the sharks on subway platforms, cars and even in elevators that lead to the street.  The sharks seemed to be fond of the “A Train” the most.

Juan Verdon, of Brooklyn, New York, said he smelled something “fishy” when he boarded the 6 Train by Astor Place and then he looked down and saw a shark in the subway car, under a row of seats.  ”The car was packed, so I didn’t notice the shark at first, but then when we got going I looked down and there it was.  It looked dead, but it wasn’t,” said Verdon.

Most New Yorkers responded to the shark with a “whatever” attitude, not wanting to get involved with the sharks.  ”Hey, they’re not biting anybody, so just let them be.  I’m late for work anyway,” said Jessica Langdon of the Upper West Side.

Why are the sharks on the subways?  Experts are looking into it but the mayor said it obviously has something to do with Global Warming.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Gloria has five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night she was chatting with her mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. Her mom told her she had mellowed a lot over the years: “When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance.”

 

JOKE #2

One man said to the other, “Hey Sam, have you ever realized any of your childhood hopes?”

Sam answered, “Yes, Harry, when my mother used to comb my hair, I often wished I didn’t have any.”

 

JOKE #3

My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated cleaning and organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain, she felt a lot of pressure to get moving. That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum.

“I went to the bookstore,” she explained. “And I bought a book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room. While I was working, I found the same book. I had bought it a couple of years ago.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A study says Americans are sleeping less.  Millions are turning to strong night time remedies to make them nod off, such as Ambien and Lunesta.  ***MARLAR: And the John Tesh Radio Show.

 

Most Americans misquote Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, believing for some reason that he said “Fourscore and seven years ago our forefathers brought forth . . ..” He actually said “fathers,” not “forefathers.” ***MARLAR: And what a relief!  I was so confused as a kid – I mean, really who has FOUR fathers?

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

HAPPY COWS

Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows.  Therefore, he’d visit them every morning and tell them jokes. The cows laughed and laughed, and they gave excellent milk. However, the news got around and no one else was much amused. Thus, his cows became the laughing stock of the community.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Some folks in Arizona are calling 911 – because of a drive-thru prayer booth?

In Sun Tan Valley, Arizona, 38-year-old Matthew Cordell says it wasn’t his idea — “it was God’s.” We’re talking about his new drive thru pray stand on Hunt Highway. Cordell’s there from 6 to 10 a.m. on most Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and people stop by to make requests for him to pray for things such as the healing of ailments and the safety of children going to college for the first time. One woman pulled in on her way to Urgent Care for chest pains and Cordell said the pains subsided with prayer, and she went home instead. In another instance, Cordell said a man with a severe brain injury began improving following his intercession. The only problem is the prayer stand has become hugely popular. So much so that traffic has started getting really backed up and area residents have started calling 911 to complain. Pinal County district Supervisor Bryan Martyn said the county has been cracking down on rogue roadside vendors but it’s not clear whether the prayer stand falls in that category since Cordell isn’t selling anything and doesn’t charge anything. (AZ Central)

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

HIS LIFE’S WORK

by: Wyverne Flatt
When his wife died, the baby was two. They had six other children – three boys and three girls, ranging in age from 4 to 16.
A few days after he became a widower, the man’s parents and his deceased wife’s parents came to visit.
“We’ve been talking,” they said, “about how to make this work. There’s no way you can take care of all these children and work to make a living. So, we’ve arranged for each child to be placed with a different uncle and aunt. We’re making sure that all of your children will be living right here in the neighborhood, so you can see them anytime…”
“You have no idea how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness, ” the man responded. “But I want you to know,” he smiled and continued, “If the children should interfere with my work, or if we should need any help, we’ll let you know.”
Over the next few weeks the man worked with his children, assigning them chores and giving them responsibilities. The two older girls, aged 12 and 10, began to cook and do the laundry and household chores. The two older boys, 16 and 14, helped their father with his farming.
But then another blow. The man developed arthritis. His hands swelled, and he was unable to grip the handles of his farm tools. The children shouldered their loads well, but the man could see that he would not be able to continue in this vein. He sold his farming equipment, moved the family to a small town and opened a small business.
The family was welcomed into the new neighborhood. The man’s business flourished. He derived pleasure from seeing people and serving them. Word of his pleasant personality and excellent customer service began to spread. People came from far and wide to do business with him. And the children helped both at home and at work. Their father’s pleasure in his work brought satisfaction to them, and he drew pleasure from their successes.
The children grew up and got married. Five of the seven went off to college, most after they were married. Each one paid his or her own way. The children’s collegiate successes were a source of pride to the father. He had stopped at the sixth grade.
Then came grandchildren. No one enjoyed grandchildren more than this man. As they became toddlers, he invited them to his workplace and his small home. They brought each other great joy.
Finally, the youngest daughter – the baby, who had been two years old at her mother’s death – got married.
And the man, his life’s work completed, died.
This man’s work had been the lonely but joyful task of raising his family. This man was my father. I was the 16- year-old, the oldest of seven.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

MIRROR IMAGE

Read: 2 Corinthians 3:7-18
We all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image. —2 Corinthians 3:18
Years ago, an elderly businessman asked me, “What is your biggest problem?”
I pondered this for a while before replying: “When I look in the mirror every morning, I see my biggest problem staring at me.”
Today’s Scripture reading teaches me that Christians are to be like mirrors. Paul said that our faces are not to be veiled. This is logical. No one installs a mirror and then places a curtain over it. A covered mirror will not fulfill the purpose of reflecting the objects before it.
In 2 Corinthians 3:18, we are described as “beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord.” When we behold His glory, we will be “transformed into the same image”—that is, the likeness of Christ.
We may wonder why we are still so far from being like Christ in our thinking and behavior. Perhaps this question will help: “Whose life do we mirror?”
God’s people must reflect God’s glory. To do that we must make it our habit to behold His glory. We must read and meditate on His Word. We must pray and trust God’s Holy Spirit to work in our hearts. Only then can we obey His commands and depend on His promises.
Whose glory are you reflecting today?
—Albert Lee

 

Lord, may our walk and service be
An image bright of things above,
As we reflect the unity
Of Father, Son, and Spirit’s love.
—Anon.

 

The face is a mirror of the heart—do people see Jesus in yours?

 

 

LEFTOVERS

  1. TOILET


We already have smart phones, but are you ready for a smart toilet?

The Japanese firm, Matsushita Electric, has invented a toilet that can change your life each time you use it. It can analyze what you’ve been eating and tell you about any dietary changes you should make. Not only this, but the information can be transmitted to your doctor, too. It will also measure weight, body fat and sugar levels in urine and provide an instant read-out from a mini-computer. Plus, the optional ”lifestyle” pack will provide other features like a warning system that asks “Did you forget to flush?”, a device that deters your dog from drinking out of the bowl, and a reminder to not waste too much toilet paper. It is currently a massive success in Japan, with plans now to market it in Europe. No word on whether it will becoming to the U.S. any time soon.  ***MARLAR: What an insult to doctors though! Think about it… they go to school for years to learn about how to diagnose someone’s health… only to have a toilet take their job!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

COLLEGE STUDENTS AND CREDIT CARD DEBT

For college students, applying for a credit card to get a free T-shirt or other perk may seem harmless, but poorly managed finances during those college years can lead to some serious debt and a bad credit score years later. …A recent survey by TrueCredit.com found nearly one in four respondents left school with more than $5,000 in credit card debt. In fact, 10% indicated they owed more than $10,000 on credit cards. The survey also revealed that 40% have signed up for a credit card to receive a free gift or special offer. More than half of those left college with credit card debt.  According to a 2007 study by student-loan provider Nellie Mae, the average credit card debt for college students is $2,748. For a person that makes minimum payments, it would take 18 years and an additional $2,506.01 in interest to pay off their debt.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

JOB SEARCH TIP

Here’s a few sure-fire ways NOT to get hired at your next job interview!

An employment agency manager says some job-hunters are stupid. You might think that’s pretty judgmental, but the man has evidence to prove his opinion. One truck driver said he could drive a truck, as long as it was not orange. Steve McMahon, a manager with employment agency LMR, says silly answers like this could stop keep you from getting a job. Another candidate gave a window cleaner as his reference, but when asked for a contact number said the man had died. One woman said she had left her previous job because her boss could not date her. A woman who got a job through LMR later complained about her production line position, saying her duties included “juggling, standing on my head and knitting fog”. Mr McMahon says: “These answers are a certain way of not getting a job.”

 

 

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOUR KID’S TEACHER WASN’T READY TO COME BACK TO SCHOOL

  • Coffee cup has an umbrella in it
  • Does the teachers union really allow Speedo’s in the classroom?
  • New spelling test policy: close enough!
  • First essay: why teacher deserves another three months off
  • Teaching from beach chair at her desk

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

DON’T MISS YOUR TEA TIME

If you’re feeling stressed, have a cup of tea! Researchers from University College London say that having a cup of tea can help speed recovery from stress. Men who drank black tea four times a day for six weeks were found to have lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol than a control group who drank a fake tea substitute. The tea drinkers also reported a greater feeling of relaxation after performing tasks designed to raise stress levels. While the tea won’t help you avoid stress, it will relax you more quickly afterwards. It could be good to know because slow recovery following acute stress has been associated with a greater risk of chronic illness such as coronary heart disease.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

What’s totally outrageous?  Trying to get into the U.S. illegally – and then blaming the U.S. when you get hurt doing it.  That’s totally outrageous!

Trying desperately to avoid detection, some illegal immigrants from Mexico choose to enter the United States through a desolate mountain-desert area east of Yuma, Arizona. However, during May of 2001, 14 of them died in the blistering sun from dehydration. So now, because they live in the U.S. and not in Mexico, their families have filed a $42 million lawsuit in Tucson against the U.S. Interior Department for having failed to install water stations in the area. ***MARLAR: Here’s an idea, how about you NOT break the law, stay in Mexico, and drink all the water you want!

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

In poverty-stricken, rural villages in South Asia, everyday life is a challenge. Most villagers are day laborers who struggle to meet their physical needs, and many are illiterate. In these areas, electronic luxuries like cell phones may seem unexpected. But strangely, they’re quite common. And that’s helpful for Gospel workers. They load a variety of electronic resources onto microSD cards and then share the content with local villagers so they can share Christ with others. https://t.co/2DYqNEPgq6

 

The country of Ghana is home to nearly 26 million people, around 71% of which are Christians. But many are missing one important thing. Many don’t have the resources or money to own a Bible themselves. In fact, many of the pastors don’t even have their own Bibles. That’s why CRI recently shipped a sea container full of half a million dollars’ worth of Bibles and Christian books to be distributed among the people of Ghana.  https://t.co/kf4KgxyAzk

 

Archaeologists say they have found the buried remains of a mysterious monument close to Britain’s famous Stonehenge heritage site. Up to 90 standing stones, some originally measuring 15 feet and dating back some 4,500 years, were found burried under a bank of earth. The discovery was made at Durrington Walls — a so-called “superhenge” located less than 2 miles from Stonehenge — thanks to hi-tech sensors. http://yhoo.it/1NdGusD

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

To encourage an adolescent to pick up his dirty clothes, install a basketball hoop over the laundry hamper. Most likely, the kid will totally ignore it, but with a little practice you may enjoy it.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Labors of Love

Labor Day returns! I’d be interested to know, of all American holidays, which is the least recognized and celebrated? Many people don’t have a good working knowledge of Labor Day history.
Our actual holiday of Labor Day has an interesting history. The Christian Post shared some details of this a year ago. The article provides a good refresher.
Christians are divided on whether labor unions should be viewed as favorable. History has shown that many improvements in the workplace have come about through both the awareness and pressure applied by labor unions. That’s the good side.
But unions have also been known to be corrupt. Greedy. And, at times, violent in their treatment of those who don’t share their agenda. It’s hard to endorse that kind of organized labor.
But my blog today has a different focus. I’m recommending reading a fairly lengthy opinion piece in the New York Times. It’s titled, “Rethinking Work.”
The story opens with the troubling reminder that “nine out of 10 workers spend half their waking lives doing things they don’t really want to do in places they don’t particularly want to be.”
The article states that it was “Adam Smith, the father of industrial capitalism, who felt that people were naturally lazy and would work only for pay. ‘It is the interest of every man,’ he wrote in 1776 in The Wealth of Nations, ‘to live as much at his ease as he can.”’
That is a fairly brutal assessment that leaves me feeling parched for more meaningful work.
But it is why the Times opinion writer, Barry Schwartz, adds “Work is (still) structured on the assumption that we do it only because we have to. The call center employee is monitored to ensure that he ends each call quickly. The office worker’s keystrokes are overseen to guarantee productivity.”
There is, however, a different way to approach work. And it’s one of my favorite stories from this article:
About 15 years ago, the Yale organizational behavior professor Amy Wrzesniewski and colleagues studied custodians in a major academic hospital. Though the custodians’ official job duties never even mentioned other human beings, many of them viewed their work as including doing whatever they could to comfort patients and their families and to assist the professional staff members with patient care.
They would joke with patients, calm them down so that nurses could insert IVs, even dance for them. They would help family members of patients find their way around the hospital.
The custodians received no financial compensation for this “extra” work. But this aspect of the job, they said, was what got them out of bed every morning. “I enjoy entertaining the patients,” said one. “That’s what I enjoy the most.”
Now, while I can’t tell you these custodians are Christ followers, I can tell you that their attitude reflects the Godly command to all believers to work as if we are working for the Lord. Here’s the way the apostle Paul said it to the Ephesians:
“Servants, respectfully obey your earthly masters but always with an eye to obeying the real master, Christ. Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the Master, regardless of whether you are slave or free.” Ephesians 6: 5-8, The Message
Do that…and your soul should be able to transform any work into a form of service in the most positive of ways. You might even call your work… a labor of love.
And with that…a Happy Labor Day.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 09, 2015…

 

Time Out Of Mind (opening in select cities)—Richard Gere has dropped out of the social structure to the point of being homeless.  He goes through New York City, just wandering, and trying to connect with himself and reconcile with his daughter, too.  “Time Out Of Mind” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 11, 2015…

 

Sleeping With Other People—This film is a romantic comedy about two people with a definite problem.  They cheat romantically on people. Jason Sudeikis is one person and Alison Brie is the other person. They discover each other and try to help each other get out of this pattern, only to find they really like being together.  The cast includes Natasha Lyonne and Amanda Peet. “Sleeping With Other People” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Perfect Guy—You look for the perfect guy and after dating a few, here he comes. At last. Sanaa Lathan falls for Michael Ealy, but just who is he, anyway? Also in the cast is Morris Chestnut. “The Perfect Guy” Is rated R. No rating.

 

The Visit—What a premise for a horror film. It is about two children (Ed Oxenbould and Olivia DeJonge) who visit their grandparents for five days. Strange things happen and this is how-much-grossness-can-the-audience-take. Who directs the film? M. Night Shyamalan. “The Visit” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…

 

Black Mass has Johnny Depp transforming himself into yet another memorable character.  This time it is based on the real life of the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger.

 

Everest takes the audience on a scary trip up Everest in 1996 when a climbing group met adverse weather conditions.  Stars Jake Gyllenhaal.

 

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials is next in the line of books to be put on the screen. Stars Dylan O’Brien an Patricia Clarkson.

 

Sicario is about an FBI agent (Emily Blunt) who fights crime along the Mexico-U.S. border.

 

Cooties stars Elijah Wood as a teacher in a school where kids are turning into zombies.

 

# # # # #

 

 

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