September 16, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150916

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Earl Nightingale once said, “People are where they are because that is exactly where they really want to be – whether they will admit that or not.” That means I’m here because I want to be, and you’re listening because you want to… boy, that worked out well for both of us, didn’t it?

 

I was petting my cat before leaving the house this morning, and she hissed and bit me. Apparently she’s as much of a morning person as my wife is.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” — Hebrews 13:16

 

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” –James 4:14

 

We know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. — 1 John 4:16

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

But Jehoshaphat also said to the king of Israel, “First seek the counsel of the LORD.” — 1 Kings 22:5

 

Thought: This verse is from the wonderful story of Micaiah the prophet. Jehoshaphat knew not to trust the counsel of false prophets. He was adamant that before they went into battle with anyone, God’s people needed to first seek the counsel of the Lord! This should also be our approach to life. So often we ask God to bless what we’ve already decided rather than spending time in prayer, fasting, and Scripture seeking our Father’s will. Let’s not rush our decisions. God has promised that he would lead us with his Spirit, let’s not rush the Spirit’s input, or even worse, ignore it and then ask God to bless us anyway!

 

Prayer: Holy and Almighty God, ruler of all nations and Sovereign over all creation, please guide my decisions as I seek your will and your glory. I want my life, my family, my work, and my ministry to be lived in your will. I want to be your servant and not seek my own way and my own glory. Thank you for sending your Spirit to help illuminate your Word and lead me and to equip and empower me to serve you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Genesis 9:16 NIV = Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – SEPTEMBER 16, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 100 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

If you’ve ever wondered where the term “okay” originated, now you’ll know. Today is OKAY DAY. On this date in 1840, the O.K. Club was organized as a Democratic political group. The initials O.K. stood for Old Kinderhook, the New York hometown of President Martin Van Buren. The initials eventually came to mean “okay.”

 

Today is STOP THE WORLD DAY, a day to pause, calm down, and be nice.  ***MARLAR: “Stop the World” is only figurative though.  If it really did stop, we’d fly off into space at twice the speed of sound… which would not help us pause, calm down, or be nice.

 

Today is NATIONAL COLLECT ROCKS DAY.  ***MARLAR: They’ll fly off the Earth with you at the same speed – so you should be able to collect them fairly easily.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Anne Bradstreet Day

International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer

Mayflower Day

National Guacamole Day

Play-Doh Day

School Backpack Awareness Day ***Huh? Are backpacks corrupting our kids without our knowing it?

Stay Away From Seattle Day

Stepfamily Day

Trail of Tears Commemoration Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 17

Citizenship Day

Constitution Day

International Country Music Day

RAINN Day (Rape Abuse Incest National Network)

Time’s Up Day

VFW Ladies Auxiliary Day

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

Air Force Birthday

Chiropractic Founders Day

Constitution Day/Pledge Across America

Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day

National Ceiling Fan Day

National Cheeseburger Day

National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day

National Respect Day

World Water Monitoring Day

Clean Up The World Weekend

National POW/MIA Recognition Day

National Trademen Day

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19

Clean Up The World Weekend

AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day

Big Whopper Liar Day

Boys’ and Girls’ Club Day for Kids

Fall Astronomy Day

International Eat An Apple Day

International Coastal Clean up Day

National Gymnastics Day

National Seatcheck Saturday 2015

Talk Like a Pirate Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20

Clean Up The World Weekend

Puppy Mill Awareness Day

Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play

Wife Appreciation Day

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21

International Day of Peace

Respect For The Aged Day

World Alzheimer’s Day

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

American Business Women’s Day

Car Free Day

Chainmail Day

Dear Diary Day

Elephant Appreciation Day

Hobbit Day

Ice Cream Cone Day

International Day of Radiant Peace

National Centenarian’s Day

National Rock n’ Roll Dog Day

National Voter Registration Day

National White Chocolate Day

National Woman Road Warrior Day

Yom Kippur

 

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

Checkers Day (Dogs in Politics Day)

Mabon

Fall (Autumn) Equinox (4:21am)

National Rehabilitation Day

Restless Legs Awareness Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1630: The Massachusetts village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston.

 

1810: Mexico began its revolt against Spanish rule.

 

1908: General Motors was founded by William C. Durant.

 

1919: The American Legion was incorporated by an act of Congress.

 

1940: The United States first adopted peacetime conscription when President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Selective Training and Service Act into law.

 

1974: President Ford announced conditional amnesty for Vietnam War deserters and draft evaders.

 

1975: Papua New Guinea became independent.

 

1982: Lebanese Christians massacred hundreds of Palestinian refugees in Beirut.

 

1987: The Montreal Protocol was signed by 25 nations, limiting production on substances that harm the ozone layer. To date, 168 nations have joined the protocol.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

681: The Third Council of Constantinople adjourns, having settled the Monothelite controversy in the Eastern Church. The Council, which proclaimed the orthodox belief of two wills in Christ: divine and human, condemned as heretics, the Monothelites, who believed Christ had only “one will.”

 

1498: Tomas de Torquemada, the first Spanish Inquisitor General, dies. He burned over 2,000 victims, tortured thousands more, and in some areas, immolated as many as 40 percent of those accused.

 

1672: Puritan Anne Bradstreet, America’s first noteworthy poet, dies.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress/comedian (“Saturday Night Live”, Shallow Hal) Molly Shannon 51 (
    )
  • magician David Copperfield 59
  • Actor (Parenthood, “St. Elsewhere”, “7th Heaven”) Ed Begley Jr. 66 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1925 : Charlie Byrd

1925 : B.B. King

1943 : Bernard Calvert (The Hollies)

1943 : Joe Butler (The Lovin’ Spoonful)

1944 : Betty Kelly (Martha and the Vandellas)

1948 : Kenney Jones (The Small Faces, The Who)

1948 : Ron Blair (Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers)

1950 : David Bellamy (The Bellamy Brothers)

1954 : Frank Reed (The Chi-Lites)

1963 : Richard Marx

1968 : Marc Anthony

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What unit is used for counting molecules?

Molecules are so small that in most cases they can’t be counted one by one, but there is a unit of measurement for counting molecules. Logically enough, it’s called a mole. One mole of a substance is the amount that contains 602,214,199,000,000,000,000,000 molecules. This number, written in scientific shorthand as 6.022 X 10^23, is called Avogadro’s number after an Italian scientist named Amedeo Avogadro who did some important work in molecule counting during the 19th century. One mole of carbon atoms is twelve grams (less than half an ounce). One mole of air at normal pressure and temperature fills 22.4 liters, a space as big a large balloon.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Some good news and some bad news this weekend from Jimmy Needham. He shared a picture with his arm in a sling and reported: I fell off the stage today. The pain train rolled into town and I climbed on board. However, the good news is that Jimmy said he was fracture free.  http://t.co/aqoWbat2WI

 

Sidewalk Prophets Ben McDonald says airports are an introverts nightmare. He tweeted: must find a quiet place!

 

Third Day members Mac Powell and Mark Lee made the most of their day off Saturday in Hawaii. They toured the Diamond Head Crater in Honolulu but also got in quite a bit of football. Mac shared that they were watching three college football games at the same time by using the hotel TV as well as their iPad and iphone.

 

Aaron Shust says: I’ve learned from my mistakes. This year Aaron has decided to NOT post a picture of the pig this year at the Crestmont Pig Roast.

 

A reality check for Mercyme Guitarist Mike Scheuchzer. He shared a conversation he overheard while sitting next to a family on a bus back to the hotel – The dad said: MercyMe? Man… I love them, but I wouldn’t know any of them except the lead singer… I could spot him, but I wouldn’t know any of the rest of ’em”

 

Another video from Sanctus Real. This time they gave some advice to new bands, answering the question: What would we tell ourselves as a young band starting out? Listen to their thoughts here: https://t.co/YIlMjZGKZN

 

Football is back and it may be a little to much for Casting Crowns’ Juan DeVevo to deal with. After a series of frustrated posts regarding the Jacksonville Jaguars, he wrapped up his posts by saying: Sorry, everyone. Should’ve known to do my therapy before posting.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Utah twins pregnant again with 2nd set of twins    photo
LINDON, Utah (AP) — Kerri Bunker and Kelli Wall know a thing or two about twins. The two women are identical twins who already each have one set of twins. Now, they are getting ready to each have a second set of twins next spring, KSL-TV reports (http://bit.ly/1KbrJBy). “To have twins twice…

 

New York grilled-cheese truck wins top street food award
NEW YORK (AP) — A New York grilled-cheese food truck whose proceeds go to help formerly incarcerated youths has won the top Vendy award for best street fare. The Street Vendor Project sponsors the annual event. It announced this year’s Vendy Cup winner is Snowday, a truck specializing in…
Cars in Reno, Nevada, damaged by watermelons
RENO, Nev. (AP) — Police say vandals have been lobbing watermelons at cars in a Reno, Nevada, neighborhood. KOLO-TV reports (http://bit.ly/1Kl0Y21) Sunday night’s vandalism happened in Angelique Ybarra’s northwest Reno neighborhood. A watermelon dented the side of her car in July, and she…
New England experts concerned by sighting of invasive turtle    photo
BOSTON (AP) — Two odd-looking Chinese soft-shelled marsh turtles raised for food in Asia have been seen south of Boston, and there’s concern they could eventually threaten local ecosystems if they become established in New England. New England Aquarium experts said Saturday it is possible…
Police: Exotic Australian bird loose in New Hampshire
BOW, N.H. (AP) — Police are warning a New Hampshire town to watch out for an emu on the loose. Bow police say several people have reported seeing an emu wandering around Saturday morning. They say they don’t know where the bird belongs. Emus are among the largest birds in the world and are…
Police: Shoplifting suspect had raspberry cookies in pants
ALTOONA, Pa. (AP) — Police in Pennsylvania say a repeat shoplifter has been caught with his pants up — but full of raspberry cookies. HASH(0x13e1900) Kaylor, who has six previous retail theft arrests and four convictions, was checking out at Martins Food Store in Altoona when a clerk…
Dog park committee enlists land-clearing specialists: goats
PORTSMOUTH, R.I. (AP) — A new dog park in Rhode Island got some help from a group of land-clearing specialists: goats. Organizers used a herd of the ravenous ruminants to clear brush from a plot of land in Portsmouth that will eventually be turned over to man’s best friend. HASH(0x141b470)…
Colonoscope helps Thai police recover stolen 6-carat diamond
BANGKOK (AP) — The good news for the Chinese visitor to Bangkok was that a doctor had successfully removed a foreign object from her large intestine that could have damaged her digestive system. The bad news: It was a 10 million baht ($278,000) diamond the woman was accused of stealing from a…
Concerns over aggressive goats lead to Idaho trail closure
CLARK FORK, Idaho (AP) — The U.S. Forest Service has temporarily closed a northern Idaho hiking trail over concerns about aggressive mountain goats after one animal bit a hiker and others reportedly tried to head-butt or charge visitors. HASH(0x1413d50) Visitors to the trail have been…
Oklahoma man reunited with wedding ring he lost 39 years ago
BOLTON, N.Y. (AP) — An Oklahoma man has been reunited with the wedding ring he dropped in a New York lake nearly 40 years ago. HASH(0x13d2570) Soon afterward, Jim Flynn lost his wedding ring in the lake. A woman from Seattle who vacations every August on property next door to the Flynns’…
Missing 100-pound tortoise found unharmed on side of NJ road
UNION TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) — A 100-pound tortoise is back with its owner after meandering more than a mile away from its northern New Jersey home. NJ.com reports (http://bit.ly/1iESjwR ) a motorist spotted Sulley on the side of a road Friday and called the state police. Pattenburg Volunteer…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Panel backs aspirin for heart health in only certain adults
WASHINGTON (AP) — A government task force says a daily low-dose aspirin could help certain people in their 50s and 60s prevent a first heart attack or stroke — and they might get some protection against colon cancer at the same time. The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force issued draft…

 

New Ebola death reported in northern Sierra Leone
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Sierra Leone on Monday announced a new Ebola death in a northern district that had gone nearly six months without reporting any infections. The announcement marked another setback in ending Ebola transmission in Sierra Leone, which has totaled nearly 4,000 Ebola…
NFL’s safety campaign includes rule changes and PR effort    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Jim Gossett has been paid to watch football games for more than 30 years: for three decades as an athletic trainer at Columbia University and four seasons as an injury spotter for the NFL. But this season, stationed high above the field at MetLife Stadium, Gossett is able to…
Big jump in number of immigrants losing health law coverage    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A change in government procedures has led to a big jump in people losing coverage under the Obama health care law because of immigration and citizenship issues. More than 400,000 had their insurance canceled, nearly four times as many as last year. The Obama administration…
Heroin epidemic puts pressure on schools to get antidote    photo
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — The heroin epidemic that has been taking the lives of teenagers for years is creeping into even younger age groups and putting pressure on the nation’s schools to keep a fast-acting overdose antidote within reach of every nurse and teacher. Although overdoses at school…
In Zimbabwe, a cemetery has become an exercise hotspot    photo
HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — Caroline Vumbunu believes that exercising among the dead helps prolong her life. Every morning, the 59-year-old takes power walks in the Warren Hills cemetery in Zimbabwe’s capital. She’s not alone. The cemetery has become a workout site for dozens of other Zimbabweans…
Fitness programs help campus rabbis shape up    photo
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — As an Orthodox Jew, Rabbi Moshe Gray may not need a cross. But CrossFit? That’s another story. Gray, the director of a Jewish center at Dartmouth College, hits the high-intensity core strength and conditioning program five days a week. And he’s not the only campus rabbi…
California lawmakers approve right-to-die legislation    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — California lawmakers gave final approval Friday to a bill that would allow terminally ill patients to legally end their lives. The measure faces an uncertain future with Gov. Jerry Brown, a former Jesuit seminarian who has not said whether he will sign it. Senators…
Study suggests getting blood pressure even lower saves lives    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Aiming lower saves more lives when it comes to controlling high blood pressure, says a major new study that could spur doctors to more aggressively treat patients over 50. Patients who got their blood pressure well below today’s usually recommended level significantly cut…
New federal food safety rules issued after deadly outbreaks    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Food manufacturers must be more vigilant about keeping their operations clean under new government safety rules released Thursday in the wake of deadly foodborne illness outbreaks linked to ice cream, caramel apples, cantaloupes and peanuts. The rules, once promoted as an…
Veterans’ home eases some restrictions after deadly bacteria    photo
QUINCY, Ill. (AP) — The scent of chlorine permeates an Illinois veterans’ home where nine elderly residents have died from a recent outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease. Although a ban on showers has been lifted, hand-written signs still warn against drinking from fountains and stacked cases of…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NBC has announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger will replace Donald Trump on “The Celebrity Apprentice.”  *** “You’re Fired” is being replaced with “Hasta la vista, Baby.”

 

Police say a 22-year-old woman accused of shoplifting $300 in merchandise from a Minnesota sporting goods store — then fought with security guards before running away — arrived at the scene of the crime in a limo.  ***She obviously had to shoplift – because she had spent all of her money on her transportation to the sporting goods store.  Has this woman not heard of Uber?

 

An 11-year-old boy was arrested after stealing a car and leading deputies on a chase in the Seattle area. Deputies say the boy stole the car after finding a hidden key.  *** As punishment, his parents took away his allowance – so he’s making extra money now driving for Uber.

 

Seventeen hours and 35 minutes is how long you can expect to be in the air if you book tickets for the world’s longest nonstop flight, set for takeoff from Dubai and landing in Panama City. Beginning Feb. 1, Emirates Airline will offer the flight.  ***To make the planes lighter for the super-long flight, they had to get rid of us as much weight as possible.  So be sure to go to the bathroom before you board – you’re not going to like the lack of in-flight restrooms.

 

Humans of the world, no more bears in your snaps, OK? Your insistence is officially ruining the forest for everyone else. Officials in Colorado have closed Waterton Canyon because they’ve seen people using selfie sticks to try and get as close to the bears as possible, sometimes within 10 feet. Park managers closed the canyon to humans until bear activity subsides.  *** Although, I’d think if you let idiot humans continue to do this, the bears will eventually take care of the problem themselves.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Your cell phone may be harming your hearing, says author and researcher Naresh Panda, M.D.  She led a study of 100 cell phone users and the results show that four years of heavy cell phone use (about an hour a day) diminished the users’ ability to hear high frequencies, making it hard for them to distinguish between certain sounds.  ***MARLAR: At least, that’s what we think she said.  It was kinda hard to hear her over the phone.

 

According to a new Yale study, some skin cancer survivors still like to tan. ***That’s like having survived the movie Pixels, and yet going back for another Adam Sandler picture.

 

Researchers say that peeing in the ocean is actually good for marine life.  ***However, peeing in the swimming pool is not good for the Marines.

 

Radhakant Baijpai has been the Guinness record holder for longest ear hair since 2003.  Amazingly, in the time since his official recognition, the Indian grocer has been able to double the length of his world-beating tresses from five to 10 inches. Baijpai tells us that he uses a special herbal shampoo to help his ear hair to grow. *** We tried to get a phone interview with him, but he doesn’t hear well.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Zero Location on Phone”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Rich Praytor, “Midnight Mass”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were headed out for the best and biggest picnic they’d ever had. But Gruffy Bear insisted that they not have the picnic until they found the perfect picnic spot. They’ve already found a really nice spot – but it’s not good enough for Gruffy.

 

CLOSE: That sure sounded like the perfect picnic spot. What better place could they find? Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 19/20, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals were on the lookout for the perfect picnic spot so they could have the perfect picnic. They’ve already passed some great places, and everyone wanted to stop and have their picnic… but Gruffy still isn’t satisfied, and is insisting they move on!

 

CLOSE: Is he kidding?!?! There can’t possibly be a better spot than that – and everyone is hungry and tired! What more does Gruffy want? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Showing videos to fish in fish-farms sounds pretty stupid – but experts say doing so could improve the little fishies chances of survival in the wild.

A researcher believes they could learn which predators to avoid by watching videos of one of their own being killed. (Not that this method has helped mankind at all – we have shoot-em-up videos everywhere and still don’t avoid the bad guys) The researcher has suggested a highly trained fish could then be put in with other fish to teach them how to react to predators. Culum Brown says after putting one of its predators behind a glass screen, the ‘Expert’ fish would show the others how to react. The researcher from Edinburgh University believes the survival training will improve the chances of fish released from Hatcheries. Studies suggest just 5% of the five billion hatchery-reared salmon released worldwide survive to adulthood. Mr. Brown suggested that a more drastic lesson would be to show the shoal footage of the predator in action. ***MARLAR: Hey, the fish already are in schools – why not learn something, right?

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN COMPLAINTS FROM BIBLICAL WIVES

 

  1. Eve to Adam: You never take me anywhere different to eat!9. Sarah to Abraham: Maybe if you stopped treating me like your sister, we could start a family! (Gen. 12:19)

    8. Elizabeth to John the Baptist: I cook you a nice meal and all you want is locust, locust, locust!

    7. Pharaoh’s Daughter to Moses: Stop parting the bath water, Moses, and wash behind those ears!

    6. David’s mom to Jesse, her husband: Do you really think it was a good idea to get David that sling? He’s going to put someone’s eye out with that thing!

    5. Manoah’s wife to her son Samson: Can’t you clean the sink after you shampoo? I’m sick of all these long hairs!

    4. Elizabeth to Mary: I love talking to you, Mary, really I do, but can you speak a little softer? This kid just won’t stop doing the rhumba in my tummy! (Luke 1:44)

    3. Mary to Joseph: I TOLD you to make reservations!

    2. Herodias to her daughter: I told Herod that if he didn’t do something about this John nut, I would make sure the problem came to a head!

    1. Pilate’s wife to Pilate after the resurrection: You never listen to me, do you? How do you feel now Mr. Wash-Your-Hands-In-Public? (Matt. 27:19)

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A bride’s restraining order get her own groom arrested during the wedding ceremony!

 

FILE #1: In Meadville, Pa., a man was hauled off to jail in the middle of his wedding ceremony when police realized that a recent restraining order, petitioned for by his bride, was still in effect.

 

FILE #2: Two Florida men were recently arrested for robbing a jewelry store. When questioned as to why they robbed the place, the men said they needed the money to pay college tuition. Not just any college either – they were looking to get the $2,500 needed to pay tuition at Palm Beach Community College POLICE ACADEMY! They then said they thought it would be “educational” to see how real police handle a robbery – up close and personal!

 

FILE #3: An unsuspecting mom was assaulted by a kooky criminal who passed up her purse and instead grabbed a bag full of dirty diapers. The woman was changing her baby’s diaper when she felt someone pulling at the bag near her leg. Cops said the guy was last seen running from the parking lot with the diapers and other baby items.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Wisconsin it is illegal to kiss on a train.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Sure, I’ll let you arrest me… but can I finish my beer first?

Authorities in the Florida Panhandle say they arrested a convenience store shoplifter who demanded to drink the 12-ounce beer he had stolen before being taken into custody.  The Bay County Sheriff’s office says the man told the deputy he had recently lost his job of 13 years and wanted to drink beer. The man became combative when the deputy wouldn’t let him finish it.  George R. Linthicum II was charged Wednesday with shoplifting, battery, possession of marijuana not more than 20 grams and smuggling contraband into a detention facility.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

The Vent-Lines are open! Give us a call and complain about whatever you want to complain about… you get 20 seconds, and then we’re hanging up on you!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What three young men had a father who was 500 years old?
ANSWER: Ham, Shem and Japheth: the sons of Noah (And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth. – Genesis 5:32)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What would you get if you asked for a “pottle” of ice cream at the supermarket? 
ANSWER: The term “pottle” is the legal measurement describing an amount equal to two quarts. Legally, there is no such term as “half-gallon.”  So if you asked for a pottle of ice cream at the supermarket, you’d probably get a dumb look from the stock clerk.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Israel is one fourth the size of the state of Missouri. (True)

 

  1. The slang word “geek” originates from the 1970s. (False = it derives back as far as 1611, referring to the scorn of others’ villainy.)

 

  1. The slang word “cool” derives back as far as 1825. (True)

 

  1. In 1979, President Carter apologized to Austria for pieces of Skylab falling on their country. (False = he had to apologize to Australia)

 

  1. The human small intestine is approximately 11 feet long. (False = it’s closer to 21 feet long!)

 

  1. Only 15% of people past age 18 get converted to Christianity. (True)

 

  1. The typewriter was patented in 1768. (False = it was June 23, 1868 that the typewriter is patented.)

 

  1. The first commercial product to use transistors was the radio. (False = it was a hearing aid in 1952. The radio used transistors two years later.)

 

  1. One US gallon of pure water is about 8 pounds. (True = 8.345 pounds)

 

  1. One inch of rainfall over one acre of ground would equal 2,178 gallons of water. (False = it’s actually closer to 27,143 gallons of water.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

ANOTHER _______ WASHES ASHORE (HUMAN FOOT)

VANCOUVER, BC – A human foot has washed up in Vancouver — the eighth such grisly find  the last four years.

Vancouver police said that a person reported seeing “the remains of what appears to be a human foot and leg bones in a running shoe” shortly before 5 pm on Tuesday.

“It was quite disturbing — quite a discovery to make,” Vancouver Police Constable Jana McGuinness told WWN.

A police statement said that the shoe was found floating in the water next to the Plaza of Nations marina in the False Creek area, which was cordoned off to allow the British Columbia Coroners Service to begin their investigation.

The discovery marks the eighth human foot to wash up in British Columbia since August 2007 and is the 12th to appear in the coastal region from British Columbia to northwestern Washington in that time.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?”

“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”

So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, “Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!”

Although impressed, Bubba’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba’s knowing Cruise was just lucky.

“No, no, just name anyone else,” Bubba says.

“President Barack Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.

“Yes,” Bubba says, “I know him, let’s fly out to Washington.”

And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

“The Pope,” his boss replies. “Sure!” says Bubba. “I’ve known the Pope a long time.”

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”

And Bubba disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But, by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss’s side, Bubba asks him, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, ‘Who’s that on the balcony with Bubba?'”

 

JOKE #2

A caller to the national travel agency was inquiring about quarantine regulations for transporting birds into Canada from the United States. Lawrence gave him the information. The caller thanked the agent and then said, “May I ask a question? What do they do about the birds that just fly over the border?”

 

JOKE #3

Ted just finished his training session at the local McDonald’s. So he was a little nervous being behind the register for the first time. His first customer ordered a Milkshake.

“Ted,” his manager said, “remember to say ‘Welcome to McDonald’s’ to each customer before they order.”

His second customer ordered a Cheeseburger. This time, the manager approached Ted again, and said, “Remember to ask each customer if they want fries with their order.”

At this point a man came in wearing a ski mask, approached Ted at the register and pointed a gun in his face. “Give me all the money you got in that register kid!”

Ted took one look at his manager, thought for a second, and quickly said, “Would you like that for here or to go?”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Scientists discovered the male Y chromosome repairs itself.  ***MARLAR: And as a male gene, it was repaired using duct tape.

 

In England, a man was told by a hospital he had pancreatic cancer and one year to live. So, he quit his job and spent as much money as he could on restaurants, hotels and vacations. He’s now suing the hospital because of a wrong diagnosis.  Turns out he’s not dying.  ***MARLAR: But is now reeeeeally wishing he had.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE A PILOT

When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it’s a fun job and easy to do. That’s why there are so many pilots flying around these days.

Pilots don’t need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers so they can read their instruments. I guess they should be able to read a road map, too.

Pilots should be brave to they won’t get scared if it’s foggy and they can’t see, or if a wing or motor falls off.

Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can’t be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are much closer to them than we are.

The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money than they know what to do with. This is because most people think that flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots don’t because they know how easy it is.

I hope I don’t get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick, I couldn’t be a pilot and then I would have to go to work.

. . . from the eyes of a child.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

HOLY EMBARRASSMENT!

It can be tough sometimes to sit still in church. One teenaged boy learned just how tough during a prayer meeting.

The boy apparently was fidgeting with the back of a pew in front of him –when his finger got stuck in a pencil hole. Really stuck. He tried everything he could think of to get free. He pulled and tugged. He tried again and again. He probably even prayed – after all, he was at a prayer meeting. But he was careful not to interrupt the service. He didn’t say a word about his little problem to anyone for 45 minutes. In fact, he waited until the service was completely over before saying anything. After that, the church-goers tried lubricating the teen’s finger with cooking oil from the church kitchen, but that didn’t work. The finger was really stuck. At 8:30 p.m. firefighters were finally called to help. After trying everything they could think of, firefighters used a small handsaw to cut out a tiny section of the pew. “No harm,” said the pastor. “A little damage to the pew maybe, but no real harm.”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

JUST BECAUSE, FOR THE SINGLE LADIES…

  • Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn’t mean you shine any less.
  • Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can’t be topped, doesn’t stop you from being the best.
  • Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn’t mean that day isn’t coming.
  • Just because no one has made this race worth while, doesn’t give you permission to stop running.
  • Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn’t mean you have to sink to theirs.
  • Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn’t mean that life is always fair.
  • Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn’t mean that you’re not already a queen.
  • Just because your situation doesn’t seem to be progressing right now, doesn’t mean you need to change a thing.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

In 2001, See You At The Pole took place just a week after the 9/11 attack.
On the third Wednesday of each September, millions of students meet at their school’s flagpole to pray. They pray for their school, their families, their friends, and their country.  In 2001, just days after the 9/11 terrorist attack on the United States, See You at the Pole took place with the theme, “Desperate for God.”  And after the attacks, many people were.
But how often are we desperate for God?  If He is really the “air we breathe,” (to paraphrase a Michael W. Smith song) we must live every moment of our lives by Jesus’ words in John 15:5, “Apart from Me you can do nothing.”
Somehow, though, we try to struggle through our lives by ourselves… until a tragedy hits… or we are overwhelmed by depression… or we experience heartbreak.  Now, suddenly, we’re desperate.
God responds to our cries of desperation, but does He want to be the last resort for the children He loves? The One we turn to only after all other avenues have led to dead-ends?
When David was in the desert, he wrote these words: “O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”  He had a constant need for God. He worshiped Him to satisfy his heart’s deepest longings. He desperately longed to know God intimately.
Our cry of desperation may finally come from a sense of our inadequacy. It may awaken in a broken heart that realizes the need for Someone greater, and we will cry out as David did for “more” of God.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

NOT A HOT TIME IN CARCERATION

A Prisoner sues the prison because it doesn’t serve spicy food!

A Hong Kong court has thrown out an appeal by a Chinese man to cut his prison term short because he can’t get spicy food behind bars. Law Kwok-hing told the court on Tuesday he had a hard time adjusting to life in prison because dishes from his native Hunan province were not available. “I am a native of Hunan and I like spicy food, but there is no spicy food here.” ***MARLAR: Is it not ironic that a man named Law wouldn’t be able to understand the concept of punishment?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

COUPON CLIPPERS

As Americans continue to be concerned about the general cost of living in today’s unpredictable economy, they look for ways to save and get the most “bang for their buck.” September is National Coupon Month and a reminder that clipping coupons is an easy and fun way to save. According to recent research from the Promotion Marketing Association’s Coupon Council, many consumers are already taking advantage of the savings opportunities.

  • 89% of the overall population use coupons when shopping.
  • Coupon users save an average of 7% on their grocery bill.
  • Consumers who spend 20 minutes per week clipping and organizing their coupons can save up to $1,000 per year.
  • The typical family saves between $5.20 and $9.60 per week using coupons.
  • Approximately $2.6 billion is saved annually by consumers using manufacturer’s coupons.
  • More than $350 billion in coupons are offered annually.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

TIP OR ELSE!

Not leaving a tip when you leave a restaurant is often considered rude.  In New York, it’s considered criminal!

A man from the New York City area was arrested after his party of nine failed to leave an 18 percent tip, the restaurant’s mandatory gratuity for parties of six or more people, which had been added to his bill.  Humberto Taveras was arrested for not producing the $13.73 tip to the $77.43 bill at Soprano’s Italian and American Grill. He faces a misdemeanor charge of theft of services and, if convicted, could serve up to a year in jail. Joe Soprano, who owns the restaurant, said that he did not intend to have Taveras arrested when they filed the complaint.  ***MARLAR: It takes a lot of guts to mess with a restaurant named “Sopranos”.

 

 

FUN LIST

TOP FIVE WAYS TO TELL YOU MIGHT BE A JERK

  • 10 mph in the left lane seems like a good idea to you.
  • You think kicking a man when he’s down is the best time to kick him.
  • You think lane changing is a competitive sport.
  • You help little old ladies across the street, against the light.
  • You actually enjoy talking to car salesmen.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

BARBIE MISSING!

The search is on for Barbie. She’s missing and police in Texas are searching for her… yes, I’m talking about the doll!

Police in Texas are searching for a collection of 40 Barbie dolls. They fell off the back of a pick-up truck owned by collector Alyson Burkett as she was moving from on apartment to another in San Antonio. The collection is worth about $1,000 – including new and vintage dolls, all in their original packaging and in mint condition. ***MARLAR: Except for the tire tracks across their torsos.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Churches fitted with ornate stained glass windows may not be a thing of the archaic past just yet. According to the Christian Post, the stained glass industry has been experiencing a decline in business in recent years, but research among younger Americans indicates that stained glass could experience a comeback. An architect with the Aspen Group, a company that specializes in building churches, says stained glass is seen more favorably by younger generations.” He cited recent research conducted by the Barna Group, which found that Millennials preferred more traditional looking sanctuaries instead of so-called trendy buildings.   http://bit.ly/1w0AIyq

 

Alex Collins desperately wanted to go hunting. So when he saw a Facebook invitation from the Chester County Sheriff, he wrote a letter. In the letter Alex explained “It’s just me and my Mom and she’s too sick to do stuff. I hope you pick me to go.” But according to the Good News Network, there was one problem: The sheriff offering the outing lived in Chester County, South Carolina — not Chester County, Pennsylvania. But all was not lost. Sheriff Alex Underwood stepped in, spending $220, much of it his own money, to outfit Alex before taking him on a hunting trip.   http://ow.ly/SesfB

 

The web site Mashable.com is doing something different. They are looking for the very first Real Miss America. The online magazine wants to honor diverse role models and they are asking for your nominations in response to the question: What woman in your life is making a difference in your community?  http://on.mash.to/1K31VdK

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Hey, have a great day — and be sure to watch out for all those normal people on the streets. –HaLife

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Working at Misery

While I am not a big fan of catch phrases, I will now use one. I had an “aha moment” of my true career interest in 1991. After three years in Dallas, Texas, working at two radio stations, my life had come to a point of satisfaction in a “ministry driven” job. And then it became “life interrupted.”
A few years earlier, I had been doing marketing work in Sacramento, California. One of my projects was writing brochure copy for a new trade show concept. The event became successful, and the company was developing similar ones in New York and Texas.
The owner of the trade show company called to tell me of this success. Then he invited my wife and I to join him for a nice weekend in Austin, Texas, at the Four Seasons Hotel. We gladly accepted.
My friend Gary knew of my background and interest in business and marketing. Over dinner, he asked what it would take for me to move from Dallas back to Sacramento to “head up operations” for his trade show business. Boom. Quite the unexpected.
In short, I gave him my parameters. He later called and offered me the job. We accepted. I left my ministry related work to go back to making money. And hopefully, lots of it for all parties concerned.
About a year later, I was at work and glanced at my watch. I gave a personal sigh and thought, “Good. About an hour and I can head home.” And that’s when it hit me. Working in radio, I rarely felt like I was looking forward to ending my day! Sure you get tired. But it was work I enjoyed and with which I connected. Especially…being on air.
Two months later, I was contacted about an on air job in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. In an awkward but important decision, I shared with my employer how I felt “called” back into radio. While painful to him, he released me from my obligation and sent me on my way.
The bottom line to my story is that since then, I have avoided any significant management role. My satisfaction has been met not by moving up any corporate ladder, but by seeking excellence in the work I enjoy most: being on air. Fortunately, that opportunity is still available to me.
This came to mind recently in reading an article by Arthur Brooks. And it serves as a good follow up to my blog of last week on Labor Day. Brooks is the president of the American Enterprise Institute and an opinion writer for our company, Salem Media Group.
Brooks’ piece, “Rising to Your Level of Misery at Work,” was recently published in the New York Times.
He reasons that in this age, people are not necessarily rising to their level of incompetence (The Peter Principle) but more commonly to a level of misery. They have accepted promotions that drive them from what they love doing to what they come to disdain. It’s about increasing pay, prestige, and responsibility.
Asks Brooks, “Why don’t people stop rising when they are happy? Because we are built to think that more is better — more power, authority, money, and responsibility. So we incorrectly infer that promotions will equal greater satisfaction. In an economy that has left so many people behind in recent years, this might seem like a nice problem to have. But it is a problem nonetheless, as recent research clearly demonstrates.”
Some of that research shows that while poverty creates one kind of stress, wealth creates another. A performance stress, if you will. These workers live under undesirable pressure.
Apparently, alcohol use increases with pay! Of those making over $75,000 per year, 81 per cent consume alcohol — much higher than those making less. It’s probably also why yoga or meditation has become more popular. You know, for stress — medicate or meditate … or both.
The reason I found Brooks’ piece to be a good follow up to my blog of last week is based on a single word: service. A 2014 article in the Journal of Positive Psychology revealed lawyers in public service roles were happier and more satisfied in their work than those driven by high incomes.
And the clincher? As Brooks notes, “Through this added layer of intentionality, almost any work can be understood as a genuine service job. The type of work is actually less important than the attitude of the worker.”
Jesus taught it this way: “Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.” (Mark 10:43 MSG)
What a concept!
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 09, 2015…

 

Time Out Of Mind (opening in select cities)—Richard Gere has dropped out of the social structure to the point of being homeless.  He goes through New York City, just wandering, and trying to connect with himself and reconcile with his daughter, too.  “Time Out Of Mind” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 11, 2015…

 

Sleeping With Other People—This film is a romantic comedy about two people with a definite problem.  They cheat romantically on people. Jason Sudeikis is one person and Alison Brie is the other person. They discover each other and try to help each other get out of this pattern, only to find they really like being together.  The cast includes Natasha Lyonne and Amanda Peet. “Sleeping With Other People” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Perfect Guy—You look for the perfect guy and after dating a few, here he comes. At last. Sanaa Lathan falls for Michael Ealy, but just who is he, anyway? Also in the cast is Morris Chestnut. “The Perfect Guy” Is rated R. No rating.

 

The Visit—What a premise for a horror film. It is about two children (Ed Oxenbould and Olivia DeJonge) who visit their grandparents for five days. Strange things happen and this is how-much-grossness-can-the-audience-take. Who directs the film? M. Night Shyamalan. “The Visit” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…

 

Black Mass has Johnny Depp transforming himself into yet another memorable character.  This time it is based on the real life of the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger.

 

Everest takes the audience on a scary trip up Everest in 1996 when a climbing group met adverse weather conditions.  Stars Jake Gyllenhaal.

 

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials is next in the line of books to be put on the screen. Stars Dylan O’Brien an Patricia Clarkson.

 

Sicario is about an FBI agent (Emily Blunt) who fights crime along the Mexico-U.S. border.

 

Cooties stars Elijah Wood as a teacher in a school where kids are turning into zombies.

 

# # # # #

 

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.