September 17, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

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AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160917

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Okay, gang, better watch out for my devastating wit, because today I’m setting my personality for “Stun!”

My ABS light came on in my car this morning, so I tightened my stomach several times. It’s still on, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to do crunches when I’m driving. — Duane Matz

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Be patient with everyone.” –1 Thessalonians 5:14

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. –Galatians 6:10

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. — James 3:13

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. — Nehemiah 9:5

Thought: God loves to hear our praises and songs of adoration. He longs to hear us call him Abba Father and King of the Ages. But better than all the praise we can muster and higher than the highest sounds of angels is something higher still: the very name of God. Let’s make a commitment to revere and hold as holy the name of our glorious God!

Prayer: Almighty God, Father of compassion and Creator of the Universe, I praise you for exerting your will on our world. Now, dear Father, please make your will clearly demonstrable in my life as I seek to live for you so that your name will be exalted. In the holy name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Nehemiah 9:17 NIV = …But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love…

TODAY IS SATURDAY – SEPTEMBER 17, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 1
04 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is DOUBLE-DIGIT COUNTDOWN DAY. You now have 99 shopping days until Christmas. ***MARLAR: Feel free to begin panicking.

This is PLAY MY MUSIC OR ELSE DAY. In 2002 a 27-year-old gun-toting musician forced a southern Brazilian radio station to play his debut album for more than an hour after apparently having no luck opening the doors of show business. The incident ended after 70 minutes when Vinicius dos Santos surrendered to police. Nobody was injured and the deejay later informed listeners where they could buy the musician’s album.

Today is DOGGY DIAPER DAY. On this day in 1996 the U.S. issued a patent (#5,555,847) to Wanda M. Kelly for her Disposable Dog Diaper.  ***MARLAR: What can you say about your life when you suddenly realize your changing diapers on a dog?

Today is DON’T TELL ME HOW TO DRIVE DAY. In 1988 research results were released indicating that Americans did not want talking cars, cameras, or appliances that told them what to do or how to do it.  ***MARLAR: After all, that’s what a spouse is for.

Today is CONSTITUTION DAY, which commemorates the formation and signing of the U.S. Constitution by thirty-nine brave men on September 17, 1787, recognizing all who, are born in the U.S. or by naturalization, have become citizens. ***MARLAR: But it’s not a national holiday, because we don’t read it anymore. (audio clip)

Today is M*A*S*H DAY, marking the TV shows premier on this date in 1972. It lasted 11 years. (audio clip)

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

AKC Responsible Dog Ownership Day

Batman Day

Big Whopper Liar Day

Boys’ and Girl’s Club Day for Kids

Citizenship Day

Constitution Day

International Country Music Day

International Eat An Apple Day

International Coastal Cleanup Day

Locate An Old Friend Day

National Gymnastics Day

National Monte Cristo Day

National Seat Check Saturday

Puppy Mill Awareness Day

Time’s Up Day

VFW Ladies Auxiliary Day

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

Air Force Birthday

Chiropractic Founders Day

Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day

National Ceiling Fan Day

National Cheeseburger Day

National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day

National Respect Day

Wife Appreciation Day

World Water Monitoring Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19

Respect For The Aged Day

Talk Like a Pirate Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20

Get Ready Day

National I.T. Professionals Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21

International Day of Peace

National Rehabilitation Day

School Backpack Awareness Day

World Alzheimer’s Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

American Business Women’s Day

Autumn Equinox (Fall begins) 10:21am EDT

Car Free Day

Chainmail Day

Dear Diary Day

Elephant Appreciation Day

Hobbit Day

Ice Cream Cone Day

International Day of Radiant Peace

National Centenarian’s Day

National Rock n’ Roll Dog Day

National Teach Ag Day

National White Chocolate Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

Checkers Day (Dogs in Politics Day)

Innergize Day

Love Note Day

Restless Legs Awareness Day (***As a sufferer, just let me say this day is completely unnecessary. There is now way you are not aware that you have Restless Legs. They will not be ignored.)

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24

Family Health and Fitness Day USA

Fish Amnesty Day

International Lace Day

International Rabbit Day

Kids Day (Kiwanis)

National Hunting and Fishing Day

National Familial Hypercholesterolemia Day

National Museum Day

National Public Lands Day

National Seat Check Saturday

Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play

Punctuation Day

Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving

R.E.A.D. In America Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25

Bright Pink Lipstick Day

Gold Star Mother’s Day

International Day of the Deaf

Math Story Telling Day

National One-Hit Wonder Day

National Psychotherapy Day

National Research Administrators Day

Ataxia Awareness Day

World Pharmacists Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

Family Day – Be Involved. Stay Involved.

Johnny Appleseed Day

National Dumpling Day

Shamu the Whale Day

Situation Awareness Day

World Contraception Day

ON THIS DAY

1787: The Constitution was completed and signed by a majority of the delegates attending the constitutional convention in Philadelphia.

1862: The bloodiest day in U.S. military history occurred at the Battle of Antietam when more than 23,000 were killed or wounded.

1908: Lt. Thomas Selfridge, a passenger in a plane piloted by Orville Wright, became the first airplane fatality when the craft crashed.

1920: The American Professional Football Association—a precursor of the NFL—was formed in Canton, Ohio.

1980: Anastasio Somoza Debayle, former president of Nicaragua, was assassinated in Paraguay.

1994: Heather Whitestone of Alabama became the first deaf Miss America.

2004: Barry Bonds became the third baseball player to hit 700 career home runs, joining Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1179: Hildegaard of Bingen, a German abbess, mystic, author, and preacher who received visions of God from the age of 5, dies at age 82.

1575: Swiss reformer Heinrich Bullinger dies. Next to John Calvin, Bullinger exerted the most influence over the second-generation Reformers.

1630: English settlers change the name of Trimountain, Massachusetts, to Boston in honor of pastor John Cotton, formerly of St. Botolph’s Church in Boston, England.

1776: 247 Spanish colonists consecrate their California mission of San Francisco, today a city of 725,000.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (“New York Undercover”, “Thief”, “Girlfriends”, Cool Runnings) Malik Yoba 49 (audio clip)
  • actor (King Kong, The Kingdom, “Friday Night Lights”) Kyle Chandler 51
  • comedian Rita Rudner 60
  • actress (TV’s “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark”) Cassandra Peterson 65

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1923 : Hank Williams

1926 : Bill Black

1926 : Brother Jack McDuff

1929 : Sil Austin

1940 : LaMonte McLemore (The 5th Dimension)

1947 : Lol Creme (10cc)

1950 : Fee Waybill (The Tubes)

1950 : Mike Hossack (The Doobie Brothers)

1962 : BeBe Winans

1968 : Lord Jamar (Brand Nubian)

1970 : Vinnie (Vincent Brown – Naughty By Nature)

1976 : Maile Misajoin (Eden’s Crush)

1979 : Chuck Comeau (Simple Plan)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Who invented the toothbrush?
Now don’t bristle, but that “who” will have to be collective. The toothbrush is an anonymous, evolving cultural artifact, not an invention. We begin with a twig, frayed at one end, which was a kind of ancient brush used at least as far back as the Egypt of the Pharaohs. They are still used in some rural areas of the United States. The modern toothbrush originated in China about the time that Columbus discovered America. They used bristles taken from the back of a hog’s neck and attached them to bamboo or bone to brush their teeth. (I guess you could say it was a kind of piggyback contraption.) Europeans adopted the device, but used horsehair for bristles. Nylon toothbrushes, considerably more sanitary, finally appeared, in the U.S. in 1938. I hope this information didn’t leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Source: EXTRAORDINARY ORIGINS OF EVERYDAY THINGS by Charles Panati

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Joel of For King and Country wants to make sure everything knows; he is his wife, Moriah Peters, biggest fan. He posted a short video showing off his t-shirt. It says just that: Moriah’s biggest fan.

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard says Luke 6:27-36 is one of the hardest passages in the bible. He posted the 10 verses on loving your enemies this week and added: How little I tend to apply it. Praying for the courage to do it right.

Jamie Grace is obsessed with crockpots but she says that can have a down side. She posted: the only bad thing about being obsessed with crockpots is when it’s 8pm and you realize you forgot to turn it on.

Selah member Amy Perry was praising her husband’s creative skills recently. She posted: I told Jake I wanted a hook rack for the kitchen. Amy expected him to simply pick one up at Target for $25. Instead, Jake built one himself in under an hour for less than $10. Amy said: I love that he can just build stuff.

The members of For King and Country this week announced their first Nationwide Christmas tour. The tour will kick off on November 29th in Florida and will cover the country, making 14 stops before wrapping up in Arizona on December the 18th. Also on stage with For King and Country will be fellow Christian artist Lauren Daigle.  http://smarturl.it/fkacchristmastour

Jamie Grace was live in concert in a unique venue this week. She posted a picture of a piano and added: I’m gonna go play piano and sing in Atlanta at Atlantic station. Come find this piano and join my friends and I. Check out a video clip of Jamie singing “You never let go” at https://www.facebook.com/jamiegraceh/videos/10157340968890212/.

Author and speaker Anita Renfroe recently wrote an open letter to retailer Tuesday Morning. She said: your price tags are hateful, spiteful and powerful. They must be made of the same stuff as my fat because THEY WON’T COME OFF!

The new book from Natalie Grant titled Finding Your Voice is now available. This week Natalie sat down with Fox and Friends to talk about the book and what she hopes women will gain from reading it. Natalie said: Don’t settle in your comfort zone. Find and live your thrive zone! http://fxn.ws/2cWmqkA

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Petting Pets”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Korean-Irish”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name) and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspiration story from the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, As the Jungle Turns!

CLOSE: So we have a new story, about having a story – but the story hasn’t begun yet because everyone wants the story to be about them. Or maybe that IS the story. Whatever… find out next time, As the Jungle Turns.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 17/18

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name) and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspiration story from the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, As the Jungle Turns!

CLOSE: So we have a new story, about having a story – but the story hasn’t begun yet because everyone wants the story to be about them. Or maybe that IS the story. Whatever… find out next time, As the Jungle Turns.

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Ever wonder why our public education system is such a mess?  Well, here’s a clue… some of the people working in the system may not be educated well themselves! 

2002’s edition of the Washington, DC public school system’s standardized-test guide for elementary students was riddled with errors and typos, so they made a concerted effort to make the 2003 test perfect… and it came out riddled with errors and typos.  For example, one question asks the student taking the test to count an image of nine flowers. But then the only multiple-choice answers available were numbers between 22 and 30. ***MARLAR: This makes perfect sense in Washington D.C. though – because there you can increase spending while decreasing the national debt.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN DRAWBACKS TO WORKING IN A CUBICLE

10. Being told to “Think Outside the Box” when I’m in the box all day!

9. Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

8. That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.

7. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

6. My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.

5. 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

4. Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

3. If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say “What? I didn’t hear you.”

2. You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they’re gone

1. Can’t slam the door when you quit and walk out.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Impersonating an officer is a big no-no.  But if you’re an officer impersonating a woman, that could just be part of the job!

FILE #1: Police in Ulyanovsk, Russia, got a tip that criminals planned to attack a young woman in her apartment, so a male cop took her place. Igor Selendey is a marksman and judo expert. He borrowed a wig and makeup from a theater, shaved his face three times, put on a nightie and waited. At midnight, there was a knock. Two thugs burst in, making threats and demanding money. The cop begged them not to kill “her,” then closed the door. When back-up arrived shortly afterward, the thugs were already on the floor, unconscious and in handcuffs.

FILE #2: Teenagers have a tendency to get into trouble when they are bored and have nothing to do and such is the case for a pair of teenagers from Wisconsin. They apparently must have been REALLY BORED one day when they were wondering what it would be like to be shot. They were going to shoot themselves to find out, until a 34-year-old relative loved them too much to allow them to do that to themselves. . . so he did it for them! He shot both of them in the legs! They were sent to the hospital and he was sent to jail!

FILE #3: A judge has ruled that an Arkansas man cannot file any more lawsuits without permission from the court. This follows his filing of three lawsuits against the Arkansas State Police accusing them of using ”microwave transmission” and ”high frequency sound” surveillance equipment against him. He says they have harassed him so much that he almost lost his job. He also says he has asked them often to stop sending ”thought interceptors” and ”microwave transmissions” subliminally to him. ***MARLAR: Apparently he’s never tried tinfoil. It works for me.

STRANGE LAW: In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to kiss your wife on Sunday.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A man helps a friend by paying a fine for him – but ends up in jail for doing so!

In Wilmington, North Carolina, Jermelle Caldwell was heading down to the courthouse to pay the fine of a friend. But he freaked out when he rounded a corner inside the building and came face to face with a metal detector. He nervously told the deputies, “I’ve gotta go to the car.” Unfortunately for him, the deputies decided to search him anyway, discovering 14 bags of marijuana and 10 bags of heroin in his pockets. He’s joined his friend in jail. 

PHONER PHUN

What kind of cool accessories have that not yet made available on cars that you’d like to see? Self-driving cars? Ability to change paint colors by pushing a button? Message boards on the back of your car to tell drivers behind you to back off? The ability to talk directly with another car you see on the road?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What is the name of the Bible character that preached in a valley full of dead men’s bones?
ANSWER : Ezekiel (Ezekiel 37)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: According to a survey at Yahoo! Shine, what do the majority of women (36%) say is the most important personality trait that makes a man “relationship material?”
ANSWER: Loyalty.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were the first couple in space. (False, they were the first married couple to go to the electric chair)

2. M Scott Carpenter was America’s second man in space. (True)

3. Robert Frost read a poem at Bill Clinton’s inauguration. (False, John F Kennedy’s inauguration)

4. Clifford Irving admitted that his “autobiography” of Howard Hughes was a hoax. (True)

5. Charles Schulz’s most famous creation was the comic, “Garfield”. (False, “Peanuts”)

6. Mark Poll founded the American Institution of public Opinion. (False, George Gallup)

7. Malcom X’s real last name was Lex. (False, Little)

8. DeWitt Wallace founded The Reader’s Digest. (True)

9. NFL officials began throwing red colored flags after abandoning white ones in 1965. (False, Gold, not red)

10. NFL’s Steve Young is one of Brigham Young’s many great-great-great grandsons. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Soldier _______ His Sergeant’s Daughter!” (MARRIES)

Private First Class Duncan Schneider has truly got guts. He recently finished training with his Oregon Army National Guard unit and prepared for deployment to Iraq to fight in the war. But before leaving, he quickly married his longtime girlfriend — which means his unit’s first sergeant is now his mother-in-law! 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”

JOKE #2

The Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to Melodie was the only male to venture a number.

“Looks like 9 pounds,” he offered confidently.

“This must not be your first,” Melodie said.

“Oh, yes,” he said. “It’s my first.”

“Then how would you know the weight of a baby?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I’m a fisherman.”

JOKE #3

A distraught dog owner called a vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained that his dog had a large growth or swelling near the corner of its mouth, so I told him to bring the 
animal over.

When the man came in with his pet, the vet examined the dog as the man stood by, anxiously waiting. At last the doctor turned to him and asked, “Do you have any children?”

“Oh, good grief, is it contagious?” the man gasped.

“No,” the doctor answered. “It’s bubble gum.”

USELESS FACTS

The average Alaskan eats twice as much ice cream as residents in any other state.   ***MARLAR: Maybe because they don’t need any freezer space to keep it fresh.

A Kern County, California, couple were ticketed for jaywalking because one of their chickens allegedly impeded traffic by wandering onto the highway.  ***MARLAR: They’re still trying to figure out why the chicken crossed the road.

FEATURED FUNNIES

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY…

“Everything Comes In Threes” – Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three “ones” come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern.

“You Learn Something New Every Day” – Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you’ve just learned it, doesn’t mean it’s new. Other people already knew it, Columbus is a good example of this.

“You Get What You Pay For” – Clearly this is not true. Have you been shopping recently? Only a very naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check your purchases carefully, you’ll find that you get whatever they feel like giving you. And if corporations get any more powerful, you soon might not even get that.

“You Can’t Take It With You (when you die)” – Well…, that depends on what it is. If it’s your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets.

“Nice Guys Finish Last” – Not true. Studies have shown that, on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually, short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that nice guys finished twenty-sixth. You can see how limited those people were.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

DOLPHIN SWIMMING TRUNKS…

A team of Chicago zoologists saved a bottlenose dolphin that was nearly killed by a Speedo. The dolphin, nicknamed Scrappy, must’ve found the man’s swimsuit floating in Florida’s Sarasota Bay and got his head and torso stuck in the waist and leg hole. It was so tight, it could’ve severed an artery. After several days of monitoring the dolphin, the suit was still stuck; so they had to catch Scrappy and send in a “depantsing” team to remove it, then release him, naked and free, back into the bay. A spokesman said it shows that Speedos can be a threat to more than just good taste.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

When we were living in Florida, we asked our new neighbor, a young mother, if she would like us to take the children to church where I taught 20 eager boys and girls. She happily consented.

All 22 children enjoyed hearing stories about the British professor who always taught each new class of boys, “It’s better to die than to tell a lie.” So each week as we settled in for school I would say, “Better to die .. . ,” and the class would respond, “. . . than tell a lie.”

Some time later the daddy took the family for a drive, and as they entered a sleepy town he ignored the posted speed limit. The mother called his attention to it, but he argued, “There’s no one around; why go that slow?”

Soon he was pulled over by a police officer, who asked, “Didn’t you see the speed limit sign?”

Daddy answered, “No, what sign?”

His son spoke up from the backseat, “Daddy, better to die than tell a lie!”

As the daddy flushed with shame the officer clapped him on the shoulder and said, “You’ve got a great son there. I’ll not give you a ticket this time, but you better start paying attention!”

Little words fitly spoken had a lasting impact on their whole family.

–Kay Hansen, Sautee, Georgia

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

NO MORE EXCUSES

Read: Ezekiel 18:1-18

The soul who sins shall die. —Ezekiel 18:4

When salmon travel hundreds of miles up rivers and streams to spawn, they are acting on instinct. They are in a sense being driven by an uncontrollable force.

I read about a young convict who thinks that human conduct is similar to that of the salmon. Referring to the murders he committed and to his own fate, he said, “Things just happen.” He thinks some kind of force was responsible for his pulling the trigger and killing two people. But he is wrong. Man is free and cannot blame his sinful actions on an uncontrollable force such as instinct.

More than 2,500 years ago, some Israelites were using a similar excuse for their sin. They quoted a well-known proverb that placed the blame for their sins on their ancestors (Ezekiel 18:2). But God told them they were wrong. He said that a good man will not be punished for the sins of a wicked son. Nor will a godly son be punished for the sins of his evil father.

Make no mistake. No matter what your situation, you are responsible for what you do. Stop offering excuses for your sins. Instead, acknowledge your guilt to God and accept the forgiveness He offers (Psalm 32:5). That’s the first step in exercising your individual responsibility. —Herb Vander Lugt

Our actions are accountable
In God’s just court above,
So we must face this certain fact:
We need His pardoning love. —Branon

There’s no excuse for excusing sin.

LEFTOVERS

ARE YOU INCOMPETENT?

According to a recent study, if you’re incompetent, you’d be the last person to know it!

A psychologist who has studied incompetent people says they are the least likely to realize how useless they are. He reckons the skills needed for competence are the same ones needed to recognize it. The findings may explain why people with a poor sense of humor insist on telling bad jokes. Dr David Dunning studied dozens of poor students, many of them confident in their abilities, before reaching his conclusions. Dunning’s assistant, graduate student Justin Kruger, says, “Not only do incompetents reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it.”  ***MARLAR: I don’t get it.

LIFE… LIVE IT

Got fat? Don’t drink the milk!
While children are urged to drink plenty of milk, a new study suggests that the more milk that kids drink, the fatter they get and, surprisingly skim milk is worse than whole milk. A survey of more than 12,000 children aged 9 to 14 showed that those who drank more milk weighed more than those who drank less. Researchers now say that kids’ basic beverage should be water and they note that in many parts of the world, kids don’t drink any milk at all and they end up with healthy bones. As far as getting calcium, leafy green vegetables have that and other nutrients and are low in calories. ***MARLAR: That might be true, but it’s not practical.  Have you ever tried making a chocolate milkshake out of kale?

JUST FOR FUN

TURTLE CROSSING

We’ve heard of pedestrian crossings, cattle crossings, deer crossings… and now in Nebraska you might see a sign for a turtle crossing!

Now there are spots designated for turtle crossings at a wildlife refuge in Nebraska. To preserve rare Branding’s turtles, officials in north-central Nebraska have put up chain link fences to help herd them under U.S. Highway 83. Blanding’s turtles can live up to 70 years. They are listed nationally as a species of special concern, which means they could be headed for extinction or endangered status.  ***MARLAR: If these turtles can live for 70 years, maybe someone can teach them to use a crosswalk.

FUN LIST

CAMPING TIPS

  • Get even with a bear that raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

  • Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.

  • A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

  • While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

  • You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

FIVE WAYS TO FIGHT LESS, LOVE MORE

(from Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of “Fight Less, Love More”)

Whatever the problem, these strategies melt away conflict.

1. Eliminate Dumb Factual Arguments: “You’re wrong. You don’t know what you’re talking about. The bailout was first signed under Obama,” argues your mate.   ///   Smart Tactic: When tempers flare ask yourself, “Are we arguing about a fact or an opinion?” If you conclude it’s a fact, immediately raise the white flag and say, “This is silly. We’re arguing about a fact. Let’s stop right now to fact-check on the internet.”

2. Avoid Post-Argument Arguments: After a heated verbal exchange, you finally hear the priceless word “okay” which offers you a mutually acceptable agreement on an issue.   ///   Smart Tactic: Lock your lips. Quit while you’re ahead. Recognize that you have found common ground and won the argument even if you haven’t gotten all that you want. Never make the provokingly dumb statement “I have just one more thing to say…” or you will re-start the argument.

3. Reject the “Whatever” Word: If someone asks you what you think about a hot-topic political, economic or social issue or even where you want to go for dinner, you might want to take the passive route by responding with the “W” word.   ///   Smart Tactic: Whatever you do, don’t say whatever. It blows people off and incites retaliation. Instead, think and give a specific answer. Watch this short entertaining video for a play-by-play enactment of the ‘whatever’ argument.

4. Engage, Don’t Enrage: Your annoying motor mouth mate, colleague, or friend desperately wants to persuade you that he/she is right about an issue. He/she won’t stop talking until you cave.   ///   Smart Tactic: Change your game plan. Don’t fight to be right. Instead, view the situation as a time to listen. Short-circuit the conflict by repeating neutral comments like, “that’s interesting,” and “that’s one way to see it.” This will tire your opponent. Then say, “I value your perspective, now I’ll share mine. I agree that we don’t agree. Will you?”

5. Orchestrate a Perfect Apology: You made an insensitive verbal gaffe and you want to apologize.   ///   Smart Tactic: Don’t say “I’m sorry.” It is a bad apology. Take full responsibility and use this 3-step apology to win the mercy you want: Step 1) Embellish the wrong as in “I made a big mistake when I criticized you in public” Step 2) Add the “because” clause, as in, “I’m sorry because…. I embarrassed you.” Step 3) Offer a plan of prevention, as in, “In the future, I will……. keep my mouth shut unless you say I can tell people about your job loss.”

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Plans are in the works for a movie about Meriam Ibrahim, the woman who captivated the world’s attention in 2014 when it was revealed that she had been arrested and sentenced to death for alleged apostasy. According to the Christian Post, The planned feature film is currently in the fund raising phase. Producers are attempting to raise a half million dollars from the public to finance the film. It will be titled I Am A Christian. Meriam was sentenced to death when she refused to renounce her faith and spent many months in prison in Sudan, even giving birth to her daughter in prison, before finally being released. http://bit.ly/1BMlqmN

For many of us, the ever-present temptation to reach for the chocolate becomes nearly impossible to resist when we’re feeling stressed. The combination of deadline pressure and easily available sweets can easily sink your weight-management plans for the day. But newly published research suggests this dynamic can be circumvented with a bit of folk wisdom: If you sense your craving is about to be triggered, take a short, brisk walk. According to Huffington Post, A research team at the University of Innsbruck in Austria reports a 15-minute walk reduces the urge for a sugary snack even in people who are overweight, under pressure, and literally have candy available at the tips of their fingers.  ***MARLAR: If you have chocolate at the tip of your fingers, doesn’t that indicate you’ve already partaken of the chocolate? http://ow.ly/rvGC304f5HB

With just a single photo posted to Facebook and a GoFundMe.com page, a Good Samaritan was able to raise almost $150,000 for Fidencio Sanchez. The 89-year-old man sells popsicles from a cart in the Little Village neighborhood in Chicago. While driving through the area, Joel Cervantes Macías saw Sanchez struggling to push his cart and posted a photo and GoFundMe page to his Facebook account hopping to raise 3-thousand dollars to help brighten the family’s day. Instead, the site page raised over 100-thousand dollars in just 24 hours.  And it’s now over $300,000!  Check out the GoFundMe page at https://www.gofundme.com/2am4q7kk.

The Church of England is attempting to bring faith and science closer together with the launch of a series of new projects. According to Christian Today, In one project titled “Take your Vicar to the Lab” scientists who attend church will be urged to take their vicars on a tour of their working environments. A further seven projects have also been awarded up to 10,000 British Pounds in the new Scientists in Congregations scheme, aimed at helping churchgoers engage confidently with science and raising the profile of Christians whose vocation is science-related.  http://bit.ly/2cckYbT

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Congress is so strange. Someone gets up to speak, talks for a long time, but says nothing. Nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.

If I could get all the people in my life who have ever done mean things to me in one room, I wouldn’t go in there because, man, those are some mean people! –LeMel Hebert-Williams

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016…

 

Blair Witch—In 1999, “Blair Witch” was a runaway hit.  Now, it is present day, and a brother of one of the characters of the first film, decides to go into the same woods and see if he can find anything.  The original people are still missing. The cast includes Callie Hernandez and Corbin Reid. “Blair Witch” is rated R. No rating.

 

Operation Avalanche—Here is another film with the premise of “found footage” dealing with a dramatic event. There is a cover-up here. Stars Matt Johnson and Josh Bales. “Operational Avalanche” is rated R. No rating.

 

Bridget Jones’s Baby—Part Three of the saga of Bridget Jones, as played by Rene Zellweger and this time around she is pregnant.  Who is the father? Colin Firth? Patrick Dempsey? Bridget has been busy, but Zellweger has not, as this is her first major film in five years. “Bridget Jones’s Baby” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Snowden—Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as Edward Snowden in this film directed by Oliver Stone. What happened, how it happened and with Zachary Quinto (“Star Trek” films) as reporter Glenn Greenwald. “Snowden” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 23, 2016…

 

The Magnificent Seven is a remake of the famous western with William Holden. This time, Denzel Washington is the leader and other stars are Chris Pratt and Ethan Hawke.

 

Storks is an animated film about whether storks really deliver babies or not. Voices of Andy Samberg and Kelsey Grammar. A comedy.

 

The Dressmaker stars Kate Winslet as a woman who returns to an Australian town to open a dress shop.

 

The Hollars is finally opening and written and starring John Krasinski from “The Office.” Concerns a dysfunctional family.

 

Beauty and the Beast is yet another version of the famous tale. Stars Vincent Cassel and Lea Seydroux.

 

Goat stars Nick Jonas as a student who tries to get his brother into a fraternity.

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.