September 18, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

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AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160918

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I’m so desperate for a kick-start today that I’ve replaced the water in my coffee with Red Bull. I fully expect within the next half-hour to end up halfway through yesterday.

A friend of mine passed on a little bit of wisdom to me the other day, and after following his advice, I’m so convinced of the benefit of that advice that I want to pass it on to you. It is definitely working for me. I have found inner peace. You see, the way to achieve inner peace is to finish things that you start. Today I finished two bags of potato chips, a chocolate pie, a 2-liter of Pepsi, and a box of chocolate candy. I feel better already.

Hi and welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW)!  I’m (JOCK), which is nice considering if I was anyone else I’d have to change the name of the show.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted.”  –Ecclesiastes 3:1, 2

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. –Psalm 46:1-2

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. — Colossians 4:5-6

Thought: There are no random acts of kindness, only intentional acts given the opportunity to happen. We have thought about kindnesses we can do. We have committed ourselves to acting in ways that are kind and beneficial. We have prayed for an opportunity to be kind. Then the opportunity presents itself and bingo! We act with kindness. Nothing random about that! This is true not just in deeds, but in words as well. More than trying to avoid poor speech, we are urged to use our speech to bless and help others to come to know Christ.

Prayer: Father, please forgive me for the careless words I have uttered this week. I understand that these careless words are twice sins — a sin once when I committed it and a sin a second time because I didn’t see the opportunity to be redemptive and helpful with my speech. Open my eyes Lord so that I may see those people you have placed in my path to bless. Through the blessed name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Acts 9:18 NIV = Immediately, something like scales fell from Sauls eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized,

TODAY IS SUNDAY – SEPTEMBER 18, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 1
03 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

This is BALANCE AWARENESS WEEK.  ***MARLAR: If you find yourself trying to walk and landing on the floor constantly, you may need to increase your balance awareness.

Today is NATIONAL CHOCOLATE DAY.  ***MARLAR: As if you need an excuse.

Today is MAKE A CORNCOB ROCKET DAY.  ***MARLAR: Find a cob, break it in half, and stick two chicken feathers in the soft stuff in the middle of the broken end. Each feather should curve out away from the other. Now, throw it as high as you can.  Fun, eh?  I didn’t think so either.

LUNCH PROWL WEEK begins today, a week when women learn to use their lunch hours to find single men.  ***MARLAR: Men – if you want to make sure you are left alone by the ladies today, spend your time playing with corncob rockets.

And finally, today is NATIONAL ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER AWARENESS DAY, a day to recognize that… hey, look… something bright and shiny!

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Air Force Birthday

Chiropractic Founders Day

Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day

National Ceiling Fan Day

National Cheeseburger Day

National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day

National Respect Day

Wife Appreciation Day

World Water Monitoring Day

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19

Respect For The Aged Day

Talk Like a Pirate Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20

Get Ready Day

National I.T. Professionals Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21

International Day of Peace

National Rehabilitation Day

School Backpack Awareness Day

World Alzheimer’s Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

American Business Women’s Day

Autumn Equinox (Fall begins) 10:21am EDT

Car Free Day

Chainmail Day

Dear Diary Day

Elephant Appreciation Day

Hobbit Day

Ice Cream Cone Day

International Day of Radiant Peace

National Centenarian’s Day

National Rock n’ Roll Dog Day

National Teach Ag Day

National White Chocolate Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

Checkers Day (Dogs in Politics Day)

Innergize Day

Love Note Day

Restless Legs Awareness Day (***As a sufferer, just let me say this day is completely unnecessary. There is now way you are not aware that you have Restless Legs. They will not be ignored.)

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24

Family Health and Fitness Day USA

Fish Amnesty Day

International Lace Day

International Rabbit Day

Kids Day (Kiwanis)

National Hunting and Fishing Day

National Familial Hypercholesterolemia Day

National Museum Day

National Public Lands Day

National Seat Check Saturday

Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play

Punctuation Day

Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving

R.E.A.D. In America Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25

Bright Pink Lipstick Day

Gold Star Mother’s Day

International Day of the Deaf

Math Story Telling Day

National One-Hit Wonder Day

National Psychotherapy Day

National Research Administrators Day

Ataxia Awareness Day

World Pharmacists Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

Family Day – Be Involved. Stay Involved.

Johnny Appleseed Day

National Dumpling Day

Shamu the Whale Day

Situation Awareness Day

World Contraception Day

ON THIS DAY

1759: French Quebec surrendered to the British after the Sept. 13 battle on the Plains of Abraham, the last battle of the French and Indian Wars. French general Montcalm and British general Wolfe died in the fray.

1810: Chile declared its independence from Spain.

1850: Congress passed the Fugitive Slave Act, which required the return of escaped slaves to their owners.

1851: The first edition of The New York Daily Times, which later became The New York Times, was published.

1947: The National Security Act, which unified the Army, Navy, and Air Force, was passed.

1961: Secretary-General of the UN Dag Hammarskjold was killed in a plane crash in Northern Rhodesia (Zambia).

1970: 27-year-old rock star, Jimi Hendrix, died in London.

1999: Sammy Sosa became the first player in major league baseball history to hit 60 homers in two seasons.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1884: People pack out the Brooklyn Tabernacle for the funeral of Jerry McAuley, founder of New York’s Water Street Mission and a pioneer among American rescue missions.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Madagascar, Matrix Revolutions, “Hawthorn”) Jada Pinkett Smith 45

  • cyclist Lance Armstrong 45

  • singer/actress (“Love Inc.”, “Hanging With Mr. Cooper”, “21 Jump Street”) Holly Robinson Peete 52 (audio clip)

  • actor (“Back to You”, WALL-E, For Your Consideration, “Fernwood 2 Night”) Fred Willard 77

  • actor (“Baretta”) Robert Blake 83 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1587 : Francesca Caccini

1929 : Teddi King

1933 : Jimmie Rodgers

1940 : Frankie Avalon

1946 : Alan King (Ace)

1949 : Kerry Livgren (Kansas)

1950 : Michael Hossack (The Doobie Brothers)

1952 : Dee Dee Ramone [Ramones]; Born Douglas Glenn Colvin

1962 : Joanne Catherall (The Human League)

1966 : Ian Spice (Breathe)

1967 : Ricky Bell (Bell Biv Devoe)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Can plants commit suicide?

Turns out… yes!  Well, sort of.  When provoked beyond their endurance, plants are quite capable of committing suicide, says a new study. The findings were discovered by cell biologists and biochemists at Vienna University in Austria. The researchers found that when plant life is threatened by either animals or infection, they deliberately sacrifice parts of themselves. “It’s often a wrong assumption that immense heat or ozone kills a plant,” explains study leader Andeas Bachmair. “Most of the time, plants create a special program themselves to save what can be saved. Despite the voluntary death of certain parts, it remains alive in its core.” A variety of vegetation have developed defense mechanisms since they’ can’t run away from an enemy. Their tactics including killing off only the infected section, or appearing to be diseased to discourage foraging animals. “Instead of relocation, they do without certain parts when there is a problem,” Bachmair says. (Sun)

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Joel of For King and Country wants to make sure everything knows; he is his wife, Moriah Peters, biggest fan. He posted a short video showing off his t-shirt. It says just that: Moriah’s biggest fan.

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard says Luke 6:27-36 is one of the hardest passages in the bible. He posted the 10 verses on loving your enemies this week and added: How little I tend to apply it. Praying for the courage to do it right.

Jamie Grace is obsessed with crockpots but she says that can have a down side. She posted: the only bad thing about being obsessed with crockpots is when it’s 8pm and you realize you forgot to turn it on.

Selah member Amy Perry was praising her husband’s creative skills recently. She posted: I told Jake I wanted a hook rack for the kitchen. Amy expected him to simply pick one up at Target for $25. Instead, Jake built one himself in under an hour for less than $10. Amy said: I love that he can just build stuff.

The members of For King and Country this week announced their first Nationwide Christmas tour. The tour will kick off on November 29th in Florida and will cover the country, making 14 stops before wrapping up in Arizona on December the 18th. Also on stage with For King and Country will be fellow Christian artist Lauren Daigle.  http://smarturl.it/fkacchristmastour

Jamie Grace was live in concert in a unique venue this week. She posted a picture of a piano and added: I’m gonna go play piano and sing in Atlanta at Atlantic station. Come find this piano and join my friends and I. Check out a video clip of Jamie singing “You never let go” at https://www.facebook.com/jamiegraceh/videos/10157340968890212/.

Author and speaker Anita Renfroe recently wrote an open letter to retailer Tuesday Morning. She said: your price tags are hateful, spiteful and powerful. They must be made of the same stuff as my fat because THEY WON’T COME OFF!

The new book from Natalie Grant titled Finding Your Voice is now available. This week Natalie sat down with Fox and Friends to talk about the book and what she hopes women will gain from reading it. Natalie said: Don’t settle in your comfort zone. Find and live your thrive zone! http://fxn.ws/2cWmqkA

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Petting Pets”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Korean-Irish”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name) and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspiration story from the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, As the Jungle Turns!

CLOSE: So we have a new story, about having a story – but the story hasn’t begun yet because everyone wants the story to be about them. Or maybe that IS the story. Whatever… find out next time, As the Jungle Turns.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 17/18

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name) and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspiration story from the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, As the Jungle Turns!

CLOSE: So we have a new story, about having a story – but the story hasn’t begun yet because everyone wants the story to be about them. Or maybe that IS the story. Whatever… find out next time, As the Jungle Turns.

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

If the judge suspends your driver’s license… it means IMMEDIATELY.

An East Tennessee man whose driver’s license was suspended, was charged with driving on a suspended license – on the same day. The Greeneville Sun reported a Greene County Sheriff’s officer stopped 27-year-old Billy Ray Mathes late Wednesday night. On a note attached to the arrest warrant, Lt. Wesley Holt stated he charged Mathes, who lives in Mosheim, with driving on a suspended license because he knew a judge had suspended Mathes’ driving privileges that day. Mathes had been stopped on Sept. 4 for a registration violation and was driving the same car, with the same license plate, when Holt spotted him Wednesday night. He’s due in court again on Friday.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS YOU LEARNED IN “DICTATORSHIP FOR BEGINNERS – 101”

10. Make sure you position your country far enough away it takes 3 weeks to row to the nearest country.

9. If you capture your enemy, kill them right away. Don’t tell them a plan, don’t keep keep them in a dungeon, don’t devise a weird way to kill them slowly, just kill them

8. The proper way to give speeches from a balcony without getting shot.

7. A common mistake made by rookie dictators is asking if anyone “has any suggestions for the good of the order.”

6. You need some interesting facial hair to succeed.

5. Pink uniforms are not an option.

4. You really should make a few trips to Costco before the trade embargos kick in.

3. How to duck without looking cowardly.

2. All election ballots will have only one chad.

1. Make sure the password to disable your thermonuclear warheads is something totally obscure, not the name of your daughter spelled backwards.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

It’s best not to ask people out you’ve just robbed!

FILE #1: In Columbus, Ohio, 20-year-old Stephfon Bennett made the insane mistake of returning to the scene of the crime — to ask one of his robbery victims out on a date! Bennett was allegedly among three men who robbed a couple in their home. The woman recognized Bennett as one of the robbers when he returned to ask her out and had a relative call 911. He was arrested in front of the victim’s home.

FILE #2: Police in Tampa are looking for a group of three robbers who wore some pretty exotic disguises when they held up three pawnshops in the last three weeks. One of the men donned surgical scubs with surgeon’s mask but one wore a child’s safety seat on his head and another wore a beautician’s hair-washing sink! One of the robbers did point a gun at employees and ordered them to empty cash boxes and jewelry cabinets while customers were forced onto the floor. Then the employees were pushed into another part of the store so the robbers could make off with “high dollar items.” All three left the store in a stolen vehicle that was found several blocks away. Police spokesperson Andrea Davis summed up what most of us are probably thinking. She said, “The first thing you think is ‘That’s funny.’ But in reality, this is a violent crime, and there’s nothing funny about it to the victims.”

FILE #3: In Lancaster, Pennsylvania, 39-year-old Anthony Miller really couldn’t stand his wife. He desperately wanted to leave her but she kept threatening to hurt herself if he did. That’s when he decided the only way out was to go to jail. So he robbed a bank by approaching tellers with a BB gun. He then asked for money and told them to call the police. He even asked for updates on their efforts to reach authorities as he waited patiently. He got his wish and was just sentenced to three to six years in prison. But here’s the interesting part. The robbery happened back in 2007. It’s taken this long for the case to go to trial and sentencing and ironically, Miller and his wife did indeed divorce last year.

STRANGE LAW: In London, Hackney taxis must carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A woman is so desperate for beer that she steals it from a grocery store – using a very unusual method!

…The grocery store camera caught the woman putting a 24-can case of beer between her thighs, pulling her dress back down and shuffling out of the store. But it took a while to identify and find her.  The woman didn’t deny anything when she was arrested, said Capt. David McDavid of the Zachary Police Department. “She wanted to demonstrate it …” he said. “I told her, no thanks, I wasn’t into that… we weighed a case, it was 20 pounds.”

PHONER PHUN

What happened the first time you met the in-laws (or the parents of your significant other)? Any horror stories?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who said “with great wrestling’s I have wrestled against my sister..”?

ANSWER: Rachel (Gen. 30:80)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Astronomers once believed another planet existed between Mercury and the Sun. What was the name of that planet?

ANSWER: Vulcan (not the Star Trek one though!)

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Tony Romo threw a record six touchdown passes in one Super Bowl, in 1995. (False, Steve Young)

2. Jerry Rice became the NFL’s all-time touchdown leader in 1994. (True)

3. Diarrhea was alleviated by medicine dubbed “liquid cork” by U.S. troops in Vietnam. (True)

4. Bob Dole once called nationalism “the measles of mankind”. (False, Albert Einstein)

5. Bird experts recommend the birdbath to be two-and-a-half-inches deep. (True)

6. The Gall Bladder is located just in front of the windpipe. (False, The Thyroid)

7. The Exxon Valdez oil spill happened in 1985. (False, 1989)

8. The Exxon Valdex oil spill killed an estimated 144 bald eagles. (True)

9. The sense of smell is sharpened by a radial keratotomy. (False, sight)

10. The more common term for herpes zoster is Shingles. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Couple Eats Same __________ Meal Every Day For 17 Years!” (MCDONALD’S)

In Sussex, England, Lee and Mary Humphrey, both 84, have eaten the exact same meal at their local McDonald’s every day for the last 17 years. The couple always arrives at 11am, sits at the same table and both order two hamburgers with one order of fries to split between them. At current prices, the couple would have spent about $40,000 over the years and consumes 33 grams of fat and 860 calories each time they dine. 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:  “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars please return to class.”

JOKE #2

The two teenagers were arrested . The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call.

Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, “I suppose you’re the kids’ lawyer.”

“Nope,” the chap replied. “I’m just here to deliver them a pizza.”

JOKE #3

A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child’s level, the pastor smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”

To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”

USELESS FACTS

A trial court judge in the Philippines was recently dismissed from duty for his beliefs, and he’s publicly saying that he disagrees with being let go. So what does the judge believe? That he could see into the future, and that three mystic dwarfs – Armand, Luis, and Angel – advised him. When the country’s Supreme Court heard of the judge’s methods, they conducted a three-year investigation, then fined him and fired him. ***MARLAR: Sounds like one of his mystic dwarves could’ve been named Dopey.

The name “Lego” came from the Danish word LEg Godt, which means “play well.”  ***Which is odd, because I’ve yet to see kids play well together with Legos.

FEATURED FUNNIES

BEHAVIORAL MODIFICATION

An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a small allotment of money for “behavior modification reinforcers.”
The principal saw the item and asked, “What in heaven’s name is that?”
“Lollipops,” the teacher explained.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

NOW THAT’S LIVING!

A retired woman in Britain had decided that, instead of spending the remainder of her days in a retirement home, she’s going to spend it as a passenger on a luxury cruise ship! Why? Because, according to her, it costs the same as a retirement home! Beatrice Muller, now 82 years old, only pays 55-percent of her cabin’s full price because of her loyalty bonuses from five previous world cruises. She pays about $4,800 per month for her cabin… but it’d cost just about that much to stay in a retirement home… so which would you choose? While her peers are stuck in Britain’s muggy weather, Beatrice travels the high seas, stopping at sunny destinations, playing bridge and dancing with handsome stewards. “This is where I live and I love it,” she says. “I don’t have to do any shopping, I don’t need to do any shopping, I don’t need a car and there aren’t any gas or phone bills. I would have to pay around the same to stay in an old people’s home and it wouldn’t nearly be as much fun as here.”

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

GOD DIDN’T USE DUCT TAPE (And many other reasons why God is a much better creator than I am.)

By Tim Bete

God created the world before Home Depot existed. That’s a theological concept I can’t comprehend. I take at least five trips to Home Depot during every project. The first trip is to buy materials, the second to return what I purchased and get the correct items, the third is to ask questions, the fourth because I forgot the answers and the fifth to ask if I can pay someone to do the project for me.

Obviously, God is a better creator than I am. God created the entire universe. I can barely assemble a gas grill. Frankly, I have never completed a project and said, “It is good.”

There are thousands of ways my ability to create pales in comparison to God’s. For instance, during the creation of the world, God separated the light from the darkness. I’ve separated an egg and my children when they fight, but that’s about it. God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. I called my neighbor to borrow a metric wrench to assemble the grill. God created “swarms of living creatures.” I paid an exterminator $189 to get them out of my basement.

If I had created the world, my first words would have been, “Let there be duct tape to keep the stars from falling out of the sky and the leaves on the trees.” Not God. His project was free of artificial adhesives. In my book, that’s more miraculous than creating man from dust. God didn’t even use a coat hanger–the universal household tool. Amazing!

I have discovered two ways that I resemble the Creator. First, it takes me the same amount of time to assemble a gas grill that it took God to create the world: six days. Second, God rested on the seventh day. My wife says when it comes to napping, not even God is better than me.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

ON CREAKY KNEES

Read: Psalm 116

Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live. –Psalm 116:2

Meet Margaret the battler. More than 90 years of memories and faith are her legacy, but she’s not ready to surrender. Her life is full of the physical pain that often accompanies old age, and even though she’s too weak to walk anymore, Margaret is not done with her ministry.

Despite her increasing feebleness, and despite her near deafness and inability to move around, Margaret has a ministry that reaches far beyond the walls of the nursing home where she lives. Every day–often for hours at a time–she sits in her chair with a stack of prayer cards and prays diligently for missionaries. And sometimes, when she can push her frail body to do so, she kneels beside her bed on creaky knees to talk with God.

Margaret doesn’t have much more than prayer to offer her Lord. She is the essence of the answer to the question in Psalm 116:12, “What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me?” Verse 13 answers, “I will . . . call upon the name of the Lord.”

A lifetime of being sustained by God’s love, grace, and mercy is just about over for Margaret. In the face of mounting physical weakness, she is staying spiritually strong to the end. O to have her courage and dedication–at any age!

(From Campus Journal)

LEFTOVERS

HAVE A COKE AND A LAWSUIT

A bottle of Coca-Cola is the source of dissension between two neighbors… as well as a lawsuit.

Two women from Maryland are fighting over whom is the legal owner of a $10,000 prize found hidden under a Coca-Cola can-cap. Michelle Mercado says Laurie Mott offered the can of Coke during a visit to Mott’s home. When Mercado popped the top off the Coke can, it was a winner of a $10,000 prize in contest sponsored by Coca-Cola. Mott took the can and claimed the prize, since she bought the drink. Mercado argues that she was given the beverage, so it should be hers. ***MARLAR:  So much for that “I’d like to buy the world a Coke and live in perfect harmony” stuff.

LIFE… LIVE IT

PROOF MIDDLE AGE IS DEPRESSING

A survey by Britain’s Warwick University of people in 80 countries confirmed what we long suspected: middle age is depressing.

…A researcher said it’s remarkably common throughout the world that people follow a U-shaped graph of happiness: It starts high when you’re young…drops to the lowest point in your 40s, when people are most likely to get depressed…then rises until in your 70s, you’re as happy as a 20-year-old again. He said this happens to men and women, marrieds and singles, parents and the childless, and nobody knows why. There were only eight developing nations where reaching 40 didn’t depress people. ***MARLAR: I can totally understand. When I turned forty I began losing my hair (and finding it in my ears), I’m near-sighted and far-sighted, I’m dealing with psoriasis on my cheeks (both sets), I’ve got high cholesterol, high blood pressure, acid reflux, hemorrhoids, irritable bowel syndrome… I’ve got a toenail that looks like a Frito… and my friends wonder why I’m DEPRESSED?

JUST FOR FUN

GIVING NEW MEANING TO THE TERM “EYE CANDY”

Want to see your food more clearly when you eat?  Now you can, with chopstick-eyeglasses!

A German company has invented a pair of glasses that come apart to double as chopsticks.  (A GERMAN company?!?!)  The ‘sushi specs’ have detachable arms that can be used to eat traditional Japanese food.  Those who aren’t adept at using chopsticks can have forks attached as an alternative.  Ralph Anderl designed the glasses and said he came up with the idea after noticing that eating on the go has become increasingly popular.  Unfortunately once the arms have been removed the glasses cannot be worn until the chopsticks have been reattached. ***MARLAR: Gee, honey, you sure smell good today.  What is that scent behind your ears – essence of Sweet & Sour Pork?

FUN LIST

USED CARS CLASSIFIED TRANSLATIONS

  • MUST SELL… before it blows up.

  • RUNS FINE… I was going to say “runs excellent” but I had a last minute attack of conscience.

  • WELL-MAINTAINED… I changed the oil occasionally.

  • LOOKS LIKE NEW… just don’t try to drive it anywhere.

  • ALL ORIGINAL… I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.

  • NEEDS SOME BODY WORK… was side-swiped by a Winnebago.

  • LOADED WITH OPTIONS… each one more troublesome than the next.

  • NEVER SMOKED IN… unfortunately, that’s the best thing I can say about it.

  • PROJECT CAR… doesn’t run.

  • LOTS OF POTENTIAL… doesn’t run.

  • NEEDS MINOR REPAIR… doesn’t run.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

How did you lose YOUR cell phone?


British insurance agencies have put together a list of the top ten excuses they have been given for their clients losing their mobile phones:

10) Phone ‘drowned’ during fishing incident

9) Pranks where owner is thrown into water

8) Sailing accidents

7) Dropped down drain

6) Run over after falling on to the road

5) Building site accidents

4) Dropped down toilet

3) Dropped on hard surface

2) Left on car roof then driving off

1) Leaving the phone on public transportation

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Plans are in the works for a movie about Meriam Ibrahim, the woman who captivated the world’s attention in 2014 when it was revealed that she had been arrested and sentenced to death for alleged apostasy. According to the Christian Post, The planned feature film is currently in the fund raising phase. Producers are attempting to raise a half million dollars from the public to finance the film. It will be titled I Am A Christian. Meriam was sentenced to death when she refused to renounce her faith and spent many months in prison in Sudan, even giving birth to her daughter in prison, before finally being released. http://bit.ly/1BMlqmN

For many of us, the ever-present temptation to reach for the chocolate becomes nearly impossible to resist when we’re feeling stressed. The combination of deadline pressure and easily available sweets can easily sink your weight-management plans for the day. But newly published research suggests this dynamic can be circumvented with a bit of folk wisdom: If you sense your craving is about to be triggered, take a short, brisk walk. According to Huffington Post, A research team at the University of Innsbruck in Austria reports a 15-minute walk reduces the urge for a sugary snack even in people who are overweight, under pressure, and literally have candy available at the tips of their fingers.  ***MARLAR: If you have chocolate at the tip of your fingers, doesn’t that indicate you’ve already partaken of the chocolate? http://ow.ly/rvGC304f5HB

With just a single photo posted to Facebook and a GoFundMe.com page, a Good Samaritan was able to raise almost $150,000 for Fidencio Sanchez. The 89-year-old man sells popsicles from a cart in the Little Village neighborhood in Chicago. While driving through the area, Joel Cervantes Macías saw Sanchez struggling to push his cart and posted a photo and GoFundMe page to his Facebook account hopping to raise 3-thousand dollars to help brighten the family’s day. Instead, the site page raised over 100-thousand dollars in just 24 hours.  And it’s now over $300,000!  Check out the GoFundMe page at https://www.gofundme.com/2am4q7kk.

The Church of England is attempting to bring faith and science closer together with the launch of a series of new projects. According to Christian Today, In one project titled “Take your Vicar to the Lab” scientists who attend church will be urged to take their vicars on a tour of their working environments. A further seven projects have also been awarded up to 10,000 British Pounds in the new Scientists in Congregations scheme, aimed at helping churchgoers engage confidently with science and raising the profile of Christians whose vocation is science-related.  http://bit.ly/2cckYbT

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, like Shakespeare wrote poetry, like Beethoven composed music; sweep streets so well that all the host of Heaven and Earth will have to pause and say, Here lived a great sweeper, who swept his job well. –Martin Luther King, Jr.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016…

 

Blair Witch—In 1999, “Blair Witch” was a runaway hit.  Now, it is present day, and a brother of one of the characters of the first film, decides to go into the same woods and see if he can find anything.  The original people are still missing. The cast includes Callie Hernandez and Corbin Reid. “Blair Witch” is rated R. No rating.

 

Operation Avalanche—Here is another film with the premise of “found footage” dealing with a dramatic event. There is a cover-up here. Stars Matt Johnson and Josh Bales. “Operational Avalanche” is rated R. No rating.

 

Bridget Jones’s Baby—Part Three of the saga of Bridget Jones, as played by Rene Zellweger and this time around she is pregnant.  Who is the father? Colin Firth? Patrick Dempsey? Bridget has been busy, but Zellweger has not, as this is her first major film in five years. “Bridget Jones’s Baby” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Snowden—Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as Edward Snowden in this film directed by Oliver Stone. What happened, how it happened and with Zachary Quinto (“Star Trek” films) as reporter Glenn Greenwald. “Snowden” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 23, 2016…

 

The Magnificent Seven is a remake of the famous western with William Holden. This time, Denzel Washington is the leader and other stars are Chris Pratt and Ethan Hawke.

 

Storks is an animated film about whether storks really deliver babies or not. Voices of Andy Samberg and Kelsey Grammar. A comedy.

 

The Dressmaker stars Kate Winslet as a woman who returns to an Australian town to open a dress shop.

 

The Hollars is finally opening and written and starring John Krasinski from “The Office.” Concerns a dysfunctional family.

 

Beauty and the Beast is yet another version of the famous tale. Stars Vincent Cassel and Lea Seydroux.

 

Goat stars Nick Jonas as a student who tries to get his brother into a fraternity.

 

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