September 18, 2017: Monday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20170918
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***Today’s show prep is dedicated to my friends at Cross International. With the devastating hurricanes that hit Texas and Florida, it’s easy to forget others in need around the world such as South Sudan, where children are starving. So I’ve teamed up with Cross International and I’m asking you, my ONAIRpreppers, to save a life today! A single gift of $60 will feed a child for a full five months! You can also ask that part of your gift go to hurricane relief – so you’re helping both causes at the same time! Call 866-822-4883 to donate now or give online by clicking the Cross International banner at ONAIRprep.com.

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

“In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, ‘Cut it out’.” –Steven Wright

I know it’s not good to be ego-driven.  So I’ve replaced that by being Eggo-driven.  I’m just as happy with myself – and it’s part of a complete breakfast.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

The word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.  –Psalm 33:4-5

But godliness with contentment is great gain. –1 Timothy 6:6

The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. — 1 Samuel 16:7

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. — Isaiah 9:2

Thought: This great promise in Isaiah was fulfilled with the coming of Jesus (see Matthew 4:15-16; Luke 1:79). As darkness falls tonight, look out at a street light and capture it in your memory so that every time you see a light shining in the darkness it will remind you to do two things: give thanks to God for sending his light and commit yourself to sharing that light with those you know.

Prayer: Loving and Eternal God, thank you for shining your light into my life through Jesus. Help my words and actions bless those around me so that the light of your grace and the salvation that Jesus brings may be seen by all I influence today and each day of my life that follows. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Nehemiah 9:19 NIV = “Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the desert. By day the pillar of cloud did not cease to guide them on their path, nor the pillar of fire by night to shine on the way they were to take.

TODAY IS MONDAY – SEPTEMBER 18, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
97 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

This is BALANCE AWARENESS WEEK.  ***If you find yourself trying to walk and landing on the floor constantly, you may need to increase your balance awareness.

Today is NATIONAL CHOCOLATE DAY.  ***As if you need an excuse.

Today is MAKE A CORNCOB ROCKET DAY.  ***Find a cob, break it in half, and stick two chicken feathers in the soft stuff in the middle of the broken end. Each feather should curve out away from the other. Now, throw it as high as you can.  Fun, eh?  I didn’t think so either.

LUNCH PROWL WEEK begins today, a week when women learn to use their lunch hours to find single men.  ***Men – if you want to make sure you are left alone by the ladies today, spend your time playing with corncob rockets.

And finally, today is NATIONAL ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER AWARENESS DAY, a day to recognize that… hey, look… something bright and shiny!

TODAY IS ALSO…

Air Force Birthday
Chiropractic Founders Day
Hug A Greeting Card Writer Day
National Ceiling Fan Day
National Cheeseburger Day
National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day
National Respect Day
Respect for The Aged Day
World Water Monitoring Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19

Talk Like A Pirate Day
Get Ready Day
National IT Professionals Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20

National Rehabilitation Day
*National String Cheese Day
School Backpack Awareness Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 21

International Day of Peace
National Surgical Technologists Day
Islamic New Year
RAINN Day (Rape Abuse Incest National Network)
Rosh Hashanah
National Teach Ag Day
World’s Alzheimer’s Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

American Business Women’s Day
Autumn (Autumnal Equinox)
Bright Pink Lipstick Day
Car Free Day
Chainmail Day
Dear Diary Day
Elephant  Appreciation Day
Hobbit Day
Ice Cream Cone Day
International Day of Radiant Peace
Love Note Day
Mabon
National Centenarian’s Day
National Doodle Day
National Leg Wear Day
National Rock n’ Roll Dog Day
National White Chocolate Day

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

Checkers Day or Dogs in Politics Day
Fish Amnesty Day
Innergize Day
International Lace Day
International Rabbit Day
Kids Day (Kiwanis Clubs)
National Hunting and Fishing Day
National Museum Day
National Public Lands Day
National Seat Check Saturday
National Singles Day
National Snack Stick Day
R.E.A.D. in America Day
Restless Legs Awareness Day
Teal Talk Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 24

Bluebird of Happiness Day
Gold Star Mother’s Day
International Day of The Deaf
National Familial Hypercholesterolemia Day
Punctuation Day
Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 25

Family Day
Math Story Telling Day
National One-Hit Wonder Day
National Psychotherapy Day
National Research Administrators Day
National Tune-up Day
(World) Ataxia Awareness Day
World Pharmacists Day

ON THIS DAY

1759: French Quebec surrendered to the British after the Sept. 13 battle on the Plains of Abraham, the last battle of the French and Indian Wars. French general Montcalm and British general Wolfe died in the fray.

1810: Chile declared its independence from Spain.

1850: Congress passed the Fugitive Slave Act, which required the return of escaped slaves to their owners.

1851: The first edition of The New York Daily Times, which later became The New York Times, was published.

1947: The National Security Act, which unified the Army, Navy, and Air Force, was passed.

1961: Secretary-General of the UN Dag Hammarskjold was killed in a plane crash in Northern Rhodesia (Zambia).

1970: 27-year-old rock star, Jimi Hendrix, died in London.

1999: Sammy Sosa became the first player in major league baseball history to hit 60 homers in two seasons.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1884: People pack out the Brooklyn Tabernacle for the funeral of Jerry McAuley, founder of New York’s Water Street Mission and a pioneer among American rescue missions.

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actress (Madagascar, Matrix Revolutions, “Hawthorn”) Jada Pinkett Smith 46

  • cyclist Lance Armstrong 46

  • singer/actress (“Love Inc.”, “Hanging With Mr. Cooper”, “21 Jump Street”) Holly Robinson Peete 53 (audio clip)

  • actor (“Back to You”, WALL-E, For Your Consideration, “Fernwood 2 Night”) Fred Willard 78

  • actor (“Baretta”) Robert Blake 84 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1587 : Francesca Caccini

1929 : Teddi King

1933 : Jimmie Rodgers

1940 : Frankie Avalon

1946 : Alan King (Ace)

1949 : Kerry Livgren (Kansas)

1950 : Michael Hossack (The Doobie Brothers)

1952 : Dee Dee Ramone [Ramones]; Born Douglas Glenn Colvin

1962 : Joanne Catherall (The Human League)

1966 : Ian Spice (Breathe)

1967 : Ricky Bell (Bell Biv Devoe)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Where is the highest archaeological site in the world?

The highest archaeological site in the world is on the summit of Cerro Llullaillaco [SER-oh yu-yai-YAH-ko] in the Andes Mountains on the border between Chile and northwestern Argentina. At 22,110 feet (6743 meters), Llullaillaco is also the second highest volcano in the world. Llullaillaco is a desolate, forbidding peak. Capped with windblown snow, it is surrounded by a stark, ash-gray desert. At its peak a stone and gravel platform was recently discovered with a chamber dug into the rock underneath. In the chamber were the mummified remains of three children sacrificed in a long-forgotten Inca ritual, together with statues and jewelry. Another valuable find might have been at 20,112 feet atop nearby Nevado Quehuar, but tomb-raiders looted that site before archaeologists could get there, leaving little of scientific value.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

A study says that half of all Americans spend their entire paycheck or more every month. ***Well yeah – isn’t that the American dream?

They say scammers are out in force after that Equifax hack last week. For the full list, just send $50 cash to me, unmarked bills, please. No return address necessary.

Laughter may be the best medicine to get you pregnant, say two professional, accredited medical clowns. Red-nosed jokesters are commonly used in Israeli hospitals to help relieve stress. A study at the Assaf Harofen Medical Center and published in Fertility and Sterility journal proves that 36 percent of the women undergoing in vitro fertilization treatments who were entertained by clowns became pregnant compared to 20 percent of those who did not see the bozos.  ***I don’t think this is about laughter.  We’re talking about using clowns here – how do we know it’s not sheer terror that helps you get pregnant?

In Milford, Connecticut, 48-year-old Leslie Laing was arrested after police say she put her own poop on her estranged husband’s toothbrush and thus violated a protection order. Laing’s arrest was the result of an investigation into a complaint filed by her estranged husband that she had tampered with his personal property. Police sent a DNA sample taken from Laing to the state lab for testing along with the toothbrush. The lab confirmed that Laing’s DNA matched the feces on the toothbrush. (CTPost.com)

Finding that old flame on Facebook could lead to more than you bargained for. The renewal of that not-so-innocent friendship might end in marital disaster. Facebook is cited as evidence in 66% of divorces in the U.S., according to a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. In addition, more than 80% of divorce lawyers reported they “have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence” during the past few years. ***In other words, don’t poke the ex.  Wait, that came out wrong.

61% of Americans say that it’s time for Hillary Clinton to retire. That’s up from the 46% that said so last November.

Only seven out of every one thousand people will live to be 100.  ***The question is, with the state of the world as it is – do you WANT to live to 100?

A study says people can cut the risk of early death by getting up from sitting down every 30 minutes… unless you’re getting up to get another beer. Then it’s a wash.

Picking your noise could be fatal!  Close to 20% of people in a recent survey said picking their nose while driving nearly caused them to get into an accident.  ***It’s hard to keep your hands at 10 and 2 when one of them has a finger up your nostril.

The unmanned spacecraft Cassini made its final orbit around Saturn Thursday and then deliberately turned and made a suicide plunge, burning up early Friday morning in Saturn’s atmosphere. ***They’re making a movie about it — Thelma and Louise and Cassini.

So you lose the presidency to the biggest longshot in the history of America. How do you deal with the stress? Hillary Clinton told CNN’s Anderson Cooper that she’s been doing a lot of yoga “and alternate nostril breathing.” When asked to demonstrate Clinton said, “You are supposed to shut your eyes – I don’t want to shut my eyes on national television – but you do hold [your nostril] and breathe through one, and you hold it and then you exhale to the other and you keep going.” Clinton added that the technique “is very relaxing” if you try it while “sitting crossed-legged on the yoga mat” “and you’re really trying to inhale, and hold it and then have a long exhale.”  ***To sum this up – alternate nostril breathing is for losers.

A California city is going to ban pedestrians from using cell phones in crosswalks.  ***Yeah – good luck with that.

Selena Gomez has a new kidney because of lupus. Her best friend, dancer and actress Francia Raisa, offered up one of her kidneys. ***But then Selena said she hopes she can do the same for her best friend someday, and completely ruined the mood.

A group of professional clowns are planning a protest outside of a movie theater showing the new movie, “It,” saying the film is bad for their business. ***Hey guys, that ship sailed with John Wayne Gacy.

Los Angeles has been given the official go for hosting the summer Olympic games in 2028. ***They’d better leave now with the Olympic torch if they plan to arrive on time through L.A. traffic.

People who work as clowns are not happy with the hit horror movie “It,” saying it’s scaring kids and making it that much harder for them to find work.  ***Fewer clowns around kids?  I’m not seeing how that is a bad thing.

A family in England called up their local animal protection agency to deal with a rare lizard that was under their bed. The family had no idea how the lizard got there. An officer went to the home to visit the family and look at the lizard. The officer approached the unmoving reptile “cautiously” and was unable to identify its breed. On closer inspection, it was not a lizard, but a dirty sock.  ***When your laundry is so dirty that it is being mistaken as wildlife, it might be time to call in a cleaning service.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

One of the most powerful images in history is that of Martin Luther nailing his criticisms of the medieval Church (his “95 Thesis”) to a church door, thus beginning the Protestant Reformation. But there is considerable doubt as to whether he actually published his critique so dramatically. Many scholars believe now that he simply circulated it. ***Today he would probably send it out simultaneously to millions via Facebook, it would be identified as spam, and he’d be banned from Facebook entirely – altering the course of history.

A recent study shows yawning boosts brain power.  ***Meaning you get smarter every time you hear my show!

Are you happy in your job?  No?  Well then… you might consider attending church.  A recent study finds that Christians who frequently attend church are happier in their jobs. Researchers conducted a web-based survey of 1,022 full time workers. They found that those who regularly attend church have a higher job satisfaction and also a higher commitment to their place of employment. ***Although, I’d guess this is for everyone expect for the people actually working AT the church.  I mean, can you imagine having to work all week with THOSE freaks?!?!  (I apologize if my pastor is listening… it’s just a joke.  See you on Sunday, pastor!)

A study in Britain found that the average teenage boy is paranoid about his looks and spends 65 minutes getting ready to go out.  ***Because, let’s face it, it’s not easy getting your hair to look exactly like you just rolled out of bed.

The average American eats 19,000 calories worth of ice cream a year… about 6 gallons. It’s a favorite summer treat, of course, and our favorite flavors are still vanilla and chocolate.  ***Wow, I am waaaaay below average on this.  Looks like I’ll be having dinner at DQ the rest of this month so I can feel normal.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey’s arch nemesis, Steve Mozart, was about to have a concert – and in order to make Mozart look bad, Millard replaced all of the music with sheets of nothing but lines and dots to confuse the musicians. Will his evil sabotage plan work?

CLOSE: Oh no! Why would Steve Mozart show up at Millard’s house? Does he know that Millard was planning to ruin his concert? Is he there to hurt Millard? Tune in again for more of the story, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A man trying to protect his expensive car ended up committing a costly Moment of Duh!

His name hasn’t been released, but we know he’s rich, lives in Australia, and spent $645,000 on a new Rolls-Royce a few weeks ago. However, then he decided the parking structure of his luxury apartment building just wasn’t secure enough to safeguard his new ride, even though it’s already full of Ferraris and Lamborghinis. So the Rolls owner had a custom cage built surrounding his parking space to protect his baby. So imagine how hard his neighbors must have laughed when he ended up driving into one of the cage’s support poles and walls while he was trying to park the thing causing a ridiculous amount of damage to the car. The steering was all jacked up along with a good bit of bodywork on the side and rear, plus the loss of a tail light that probably costs more itself than a decent used Toyota. Eventually the Rolls had to be towed away.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO DO DURING A BORING SERMON

10. Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.

9. See if a yawn really is contagious.

8. Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.

7. Twiddle your thumbs.

6. Twiddle your neighbor’s thumbs.

5. Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice.

4. Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.

3. Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room.

2. By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt around backwards.

1. Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

It’s hard to rob a bank when everyone is ignoring you.

FILE #1: It wasn’t just the fact that he was using a fake explosive that a Michigan man’s robbery attempt was foiled. It was just that no one at the bank he was attempting to rob was paying attention. The would-be crook went to the drive-through window of the Comerica bank to demand money by placing a bag with a note and fake explosive in the tray. He then waited. And waited. And waited. But the teller never noticed the note or bag. Frustrated, the man simply drove away. Someone eventually discovered the wired-up substance in the bag and the Michigan State Police bomb squad were called in. They cleared the bank, only to discover after an hour of examinations that the ‘bomb’ was just a bar of soap with wires attached to it. He apparently was looking to “clean up”, but now it looks like his days as a criminal are all washed up.

FILE #2: An arthritic grandmother from Boynton Beach, Florida allegedly ran a family pickpocket ring from a wheelchair for 10 years! 63 year old Ernestine Williams took in as much as $50,000 per day as she sent out her 15-person crew to steal credit cards and checks from elderly shoppers in retail stores from Miami to Atlanta. Williams, along with her two children have been arrested and charged with racketeering and conspiracy to racketeer. Their family motto was, “A Family That Steals Together Stays Together!”

FILE #3: A western Kentucky woman’s attempt to get her son out of jail on bond came undone over a misspelling. The Paducah Sun reported court officials became suspicious when the 44-year-old mother presented a letter allegedly from Wagner Moving and Storage. The woman knew bond for her son would be lowered if he had written proof of a job.  But the company name was misspelled and when investigators checked, they learned the woman had asked for such a letter from the company and had been denied.  She was jailed on a charge of evidence tampering. Her son was charged with receiving stolen property.  They both are now in jail in lieu of cash bonds.  ***MARLAR: But now their family is together… and that’s the important thing.

STRANGE LAW: In Memphis, Tennessee restaurants, it is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

KIMBERTON, Pa. (AP) – A southeastern Pennsylvania man faces drug charges after police said he admitted the heroin discovered on the floor of a bank belonged to him. East Pikeland Township police said 25-year-old Justin Carbone, of Phoenixville, accidentally dropped the drugs inside a Kimberton credit union. Police used the check Carbone cashed to track him down shortly after bank personnel discovered the drugs. When an officer pulled up to Carbone and asked him if he’d lost anything in the bank, police said he replied “two bags of heroin.”

PHONER PHUN

It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day. I’m sure you can find something to do with callers with this – you scalawag!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What judge of Israel had his armor-bearer kill him so he would avoid the disgrace of being killed by a woman?

ANSWER: Samuel (1 Samuel 28:7-20)

QUESTION: Who will prophesy 1,260 days?

ANSWER: God’s two witnesses (Revelation 11:3)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: As a young man which president worked as a park ranger at Yellowstone National Park?
ANSWER: Gerald Ford

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  • The Mississippi River is the longest in the world. (False – the Nile is the longest at 4,145 miles)

  • Nearly 50% of all bank robberies take place on Friday. (True)

  • A 7 year old boy was the first person to survive the Horseshoe Falls (Niagara Falls) by going over in a barrell. (False – he survived in just a life jacket!)

  • Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. (True)

  • “Caterpillar” means “hairy worm” in Old French. (False – it means “hairy cat.”)

  • In a year, there are approximately 60,000 trampoline injuries that occur in the U.S. (True – as is evidenced by watching “America’s Funniest Home Videos!”)

  • Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham on a bet. (True – his editor dared him to write a book using fewer than fifty different words)

  • Napoleon was 26 years old when he conquered Italy. (True)

  • American and Russian space flights have always included chocolate as part of their rations. (True)

  • Albert Einstein was once offered the opportunity to become the President of Israel. (True. He refused, however, on the grounds that he had no skill in dealing with human problems.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

STUDY: CLIMATE CHANGE CAUSES _______ ILLNESS (MENTAL)

Mental illnesses including depression and post-traumatic stress have increased  as a result of climate change.

According to a new study, prepared for the Climate Change Institute, loss of social cohesion in the wake of severe weather events related to climate change are linked to highly increased rates of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and substance abuse. As many as three in five people reported ”emotional injury, stress and despair” in the wake of these events.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.”

“I don’t know about that,” answered a blonde woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.” “You’ll let it out some day,” the man insisted.

“I hardly think so!” responded the blonde.  “When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.”

JOKE #2

My youngest brother Tony had just completed Army basic training and was on leave prior to his first tour in Germany. I am an Army National Guard pilot and my other brother is my crew chief. Since we were headed to the Air Base where Tony was to catch his overseas transport, we offered to take him.

When we landed at McGuire Air Force Base, several of Tony’s fellow privates came out to greet him. Tony ran ahead, while my other brother and I followed with his gear. As Tony approached his buddies, he was bewildered by their dumbfounded stares.

Then he realized that his friends weren’t seeing his two brothers giving him a lift; they were seeing a new private arrive in his own helicopter — with a captain and sergeant carrying his bags!

JOKE #3

Once, I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My position had been reclassified so that it fell into a new area outside of the Information Technology staff.

One day, my new supervisor entered the room and stared at the air conditioning unit directly behind me. He studied the two flashing lights for a few moments and asked what job it was currently processing.

I killed my career by replying, “Actually, sir, it’s cooling the room. The computer is over there.”

USELESS FACTS

Even strange fashion choices come with rules.  A Scottish kilt should never be worn below the middle of the knee.  ***Of course not – that would make the men look sissy.

For a contest sponsored by Nokia, a designer created a cell phone that emits odors from the location of the caller, to make it seem as if they’re right there with you.  ***So please take a breath mint before calling Mom.

FEATURED FUNNIES

COMMUNION

Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.

When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating… “If I can’t eat, I won’t pay!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

What do you do when the KKK gives your school money? The University of Virginia came up with a plan.

(2017) Back in 1921, the Ku Klux Klan made a $1,000 pledge to the University of Virginia. That amount, in today’s dollars, would be about $12,400, and with that in mind, the university is allocating an equivalent amount, $12,500, to the Charlottesville Patient Support Fund, which will be used to pay medical expenses for those injured in the rally on campus last month when white supremacists clashed with protesters. U-Va. President Teresa A. Sullivan said, “In other words, we are allocating that century-old pledge from white supremacists to heal the wounds inflicted by the dying vestiges of white supremacy that struck Charlottesville last month.” She added, “I hope any remaining members of the KKK will appreciate the irony.” Sullivan noted that though U.Va.’s president at the time did acknowledge the pledge, she found no evidence it was actually paid. (Washington Post)

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE MORE”

The more generous we are,
the more joyous we become.

The more cooperative we are,
the more valuable we become.

The more enthusiastic we are,
the more productive we become.

The more serving we are,
the more prosperous we become.

The more outgoing we are,
the more helpful we become.

The more curious we are,
the more creative we become.

The more patient we are,
the more understanding we become.

The more persistent we are,
the more successful we become.

– William Arthur Ward

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

LEARNING TO WALK

READ: Hosea 11:1-4
I taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by their arms. —Hosea 11:3

I remember those days long ago when our children were learning to walk. First they showed their readiness by pulling themselves up and taking a tentative step or two. My wife and I would reach out our hands and encourage them to walk toward us. We held them up by their hands or by the suspenders on their overalls. We praised every effort and encouraged every attempt. We never grew discouraged, nor did we give up until they learned to walk.

So it is with our heavenly Father: He “taught [Israel] to walk” (Hos. 11:3). He took His children “by their arms” and “drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love” (vv.3-4).

Our heavenly Father stands before us with outstretched arms, encouraging us toward holiness, eager to catch us when we stumble. He picks us up when we fall. He is never discouraged with our progress, nor will He ever give up. The more difficult we find the process, the more care and kindness He expends.

George MacDonald put it this way: “God will help us when we cannot walk, and He will help us when we find it hard to walk, but He cannot help us if we will not walk.” Even though you fall, you must try again. Your Father holds you by the hand. —David H. Roper

Savior, let me walk beside Thee,
Let me feel my hand in Thine;
Let me know the joy of walking
In Thy strength and not in mine. —Sidebotham

We can’t run the Christian race until we learn to walk.

LEFTOVERS

GOT A LIGHT?

A man’s house explodes just because he wanted sausage for breakfast!

A German man trying to cook himself some sausages as a birthday treat blew up his house. Upon entering his house, he found his gas was off, and the 47-year-old Berlin man decided to hook his cooker directly to the gas line. Then he lit a cigarette and the resulting explosion blew the roof off his house, injuring seven people, including himself and his girlfriend. ***MARLAR: On the plus side, his sausage patties were done faster than usual.

LIFE… LIVE IT

Is it better to be severely obese, or severely underweight?

You are more likely to die if you are underweight than if you are severely overweight, say medical experts. “Underweight” people are twice as likely to die as “normal weight” people, say researchers who surveyed 51,000 American over six years. But the shocker came when the data showed that “severely obese” people were only 26 percent more likely to die than “normal weight” people. Furthermore, all other overweight categories were just as likely to survive as the “normal weight” people. “It is widely believed that any degree of overweight or obesity increases the risk of death,” says Professor Anthony Jerant of the University of California-Davis School of Medicine. “But we found only severe obesity was associated with an increased risk of death but it was a lower risk than severe underweight.”

JUST FOR FUN

TREE-RIFIC STORY

How often do you hear about a letter being written and delivered… to a tree!

A tree received a letter from a council saying it is not to be cut down. The two-page letter was taped to the tree’s trunk. Locals had tried to save the lime tree and Southampton City Council relented. They say the letter which began “Dear The Tree” is a standard legalistic device. Peter Knight, chairman of the residents’ association which opposed the tree cutting said: “We are delighted the lime trees will be saved as they are a pleasant feature – but I’ve never heard of someone writing to a tree before.” Signed by the head of council legal services, the letter tells the tree, and three others, it now has a temporary preservation order. It also says if there are any further comments or objections they should be made in writing. ***MARLAR: On paper… which is made from trees.  That’s just cruel.

FUN LIST

DEADLY MENU

Can’t eat beef… Mad cow.

Can’t eat chicken… Bird flu.

Can’t eat eggs… Salmonella.

Can’t eat pork… fears of trichinosis.

Can’t eat fish… heavy metals in the waters has poisoned their meat.

Can’t eat fruits and veggies… insecticides and herbicides.

Hmm… I believe that leaves Chocolate!

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Stay married… stay healthy!

This may come as a surprise to some married folks staying hitched through thick and thin is actually good for your long term health. A new study shows that the divorced, widowed and never wed have more chronic health problems and less mobility as they age than people who stay in a continuous marriage. And they continue to suffer more ailments, even if they remarry. Researchers at the University of Chicago and Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore found that divorced and widowed people experienced 20 percent more health woes, including heart disease, cancer and diabetes. They also had a 23 percent increase in mobility problems, evident by trouble climbing stairs and walking short distances. Study co-author Linda Waite says the enormous financial and emotional stress associated with divorce or the death of a spouse causes permanent damage, leading to a higher incidence of American’s two biggest killers heart disease and cancer. And remarrying even happily isn’t a panacea. Says Waite: “You move from a state where you’re getting damaged to where you’re taking care of yourself, but you still have the damage.” (National Examiner) 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

If you want to impress your boss, say “thank you.” Expressing gratitude may be more than good manners, especially if your workplace is overseen by a belligerent and insecure manager. What makes some bosses mistreat their subordinates — and what can the subordinates do about it? When powerful people receive expressions of gratitude from their subordinates, it makes them feel socially valued. And that helps them reduce their aggression toward others, according to a study by Yeri Cho and Nathanael Fast of the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business. So, every once in a while, take the time to tell the boss “thank you.” It could work wonders.

As you get older, your lips thin out and produce less of the oily substances that keep them plump and moist. It can be tempting to lick you lips, but this actually accelerates the drying process. “Saliva’s purpose is to break down carbohydrates, proteins, fats, and basically everything the skin on your lips is made of,” says dermatologist Adam Friedman, M.D., of George Washington University School of Medicine. Even worse: licking your lips and then applying lip balm. This locks in the degrading saliva and exacerbates the problems, Dr. Friedman says. Strengthen it by wetting your kisser with water and then apply some petroleum jelly or a wax-based balm that contains sunscreen. You’ll seal in hydration and also provide a layer of protection from dry air. (Men’s Health)

Workers are healthier, more rested and less stressed when they are free to pick their own workplace and hours, instead of having to stay at an office for a specific time stint. In fact, University of Minnesota researchers found that flexibility with work times and places “fosters healthy behavior and well being” for workers. The study of 608 white collar employees allowed them to focus more on getting work done than being at the office for specific hours. The workers with flexibility ended up averaging 52 minutes more of sleep each night, higher energy levels, feelings of wellness and a sense of being in control. At the same time, they reported less “emotional exhaustion and psychological stress,” says the study. Sociology Professor Erin Kelly concludes that bosses who require employees to work set hours at the office are “less likely to promote employee health and well being.”

If you’re a woman, keeping your lips zipped during fights with your husband can be a killer. A 10-year study found that women who forced themselves to keep their mouths shut during arguments were four times more likely to die during the study period than those who expressed themselves freely. “Self silencing” women also had higher rates of depression and irritable bowel syndrome, according to Elaine Eaker, Sc.D., of Gaithersburg, Maryland, who headed the study.  Sounds like keeping it bottled-up is a bad thing.  But then it’s also a bad thing to blast it out at us husbands… so make up your own mind!

(Women’s Health) It happens: You see someone you have met a few times and realize you have no idea what his or her name is. Here are a few expert-approved ways to up your recall:

  • Repeat — When you first meet someone, immediately say their name out loud. “Nice to meet you, Paul.”

  • Reinforce — Form a connection between the name and the person, such as “tall Paul.” Do not say this out loud.

  • Record — Rely on an external memory source. Tell your “good with names” best friend or make a note in your smartphone.

And if that fails, even if you can not remember someone’s name, you can usually recall something about them, which will let them know you did not forget them altogether. Say something like, “I’m so bad with names, but I know we met at Brian’s party,” Or reintroduce yourself and hope they return the favor. Hate to break it to you, but chances are they can’t remember your name either.

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Another great story for today’s Soul-Glo concerning the aftermath of Hurricane Irma – and this time it’s a 9-year-old boy doing good!!

When 9-year-old Alabama resident Landon Routzong saw a car with a Florida license plate, he wanted to do something nice for the people inside—assuming they were fleeing from monster storm Hurricane Irma. Landon and his mother, Tara Paker Routzong, were in the drive thru for the Chick-Fil-A in Troy, Alabama when he saw the car. Landon took his mother’s debit card and ran up to the man’s window, asking him if he minded if he paid for his meal. Landon said “I didn’t want them to waste their money on food because they’re trying to escape the hurricane. I felt like I should help out.”  http://ow.ly/jCOv30f7K2S

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
It’s certainly not uncommon to see fans hanging banners at major league baseball games, but officials at Fenway Park were quick to remove one draped on the Green Monster Wednesday night. It seems a group of fans draped a black banner over the iconic green wall in left field with the phrase “Racism is as American as Baseball” written across the front. The banner was quickly taken down and the fans who set it up were removed. (MSN News)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good.  –Thomas J. Watson

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 15, 2017…

American Assassin—This film is based on the first novel by Vince Flynn, as part of his book series.  It is an action film, plenty of thrills, starring newcomer Dylan O’Brien as the character Mitch Rapp. Several actors were interested in the role, but eventually it went to an actor about to begin his major career. The set-up has Rapp being an orphan in his early teens, selected by a CIA agent (Sanaa Lathan) as a protege, then sent to a trainer (Michael Keaton) to learn the tricks of the trade. What motivates Rapp is finding who killed his parents. This theme seems to dominate action films, doesn’t it? Even going back to “Batman.” As an adult, Rapp is sent to work on a case of multiple attacks and has to team with Shiva Negar from Turkey. They find their villain is “The Ghost” (Taylor Kitsch) and away everyone goes on an action adventure. You will recognize Scott Adkins and David Suchet (“Hercule Poirot”) also in the cast. “American Assassin” is rated R for violence. Rating of 2 for fans of the genre.

Brad’s Status—Ben Stiller is taking his college-age son to various schools and meets an old classmate. This makes Ben wonder just how good a father he is. Is he lacking something? Is he smart? Witty? Wealthy? The cast includes Austin Abrams, Michael Sheen, Jenna Fischer and Luke Wilson. “Brad’s Status” is rated PG 13. No rating.

mother!—Directed by Darren Aronofsky, this film is a combination comedy and drama. Stars Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Barden as a couple who have a weekend party. However, things don’t go exactly as planned. Also in the cast is Michele Pfeiffer. Aronofsky usually has surprises in his scripts. Hmm. “mother!” is rated R. No rating.

First They Killed My Father—Directed by Angelina Jolie, the film is based on the real life adventure in Cambodia by Loung Ung (played by Sareum Srey Moch).  The Khmer Rouge were in power at that time and living in Cambodia was dangerous. What to do—escape? The film is in the Khmer and English languages. Also in the cast are Phoeong Kompheak and Sueng Socheatca. “First They Killed My Father” is rated R. No rating.

SEPTEMBER 22, 2017…

Battle Of The Sexes and it had to happen, a film version of the tennis match between Billie Jean King (Emma Stone) and Bobby Riggs (Steve Carell.)

Kingsmen: The Golden Circle continues the story of a young spy teamed with an older spy. Stars Taron Egerton and Colin Firth.

The LEGO Ninjago Movie is an animated film with LEGO’S new boy hero, Lloyd (voice of Dave Franco) defending everyone.

Stronger stars Jake Gyllenhaal as Jeff Bauman, who lost his legs from the Boston Marathon bombing.

Woodshock has Kirsten Dunst taking a dangerous drug and the after effects of it.

Victoria and Abdul has Dame Judi Dench as Queen Victoria as she enters a new stage of her life.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.