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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150919
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
“In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, ‘Cut it out’.” –Steven Wright
I know it’s not good to be ego-driven. So I’ve replaced that by being Eggo-driven. I’m just as happy with myself – and it’s part of a complete breakfast.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
The word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love. –Psalm 33:4-5
But godliness with contentment is great gain. –1 Timothy 6:6
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. — 1 Samuel 16:7
Thought: Have you ever wondered how many potentially good friends you may have lost simply by judging them on your first impression of them? I’m amazed at how the first impression very seldom tells us much of substance about another person. We’re not really going to be able to evaluate people properly until the Lord reveals at judgment what is really in their hearts. Don’t you think that we should give them time to reveal what is in their hearts before we make a decision about them?! Let’s don’t just look on the outward appearance!
Prayer: Father, you alone know each heart. Please help me be more patient with others before forming an opinion about them. Please give me eyes to see them as Jesus does. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Nehemiah 9:19 NIV = “Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the desert. By day the pillar of cloud did not cease to guide them on their path, nor the pillar of fire by night to shine on the way they were to take.
TODAY IS SATURDAY – SEPTEMBER 19, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 97 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
NATIONAL BABY SAFETY WEEK begins today. ***MARLAR: I’d think this would be a year-round kind of thing, but that’s just my opinion.
Today is TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY.
This is NATIONAL CHIROPRACTIC WEEK. ***MARLAR: Which, ironically, helps you talk like a pirate. Once he cracks your bones it’s hard not to yell, “Aaaarrrrr…”
Today is MAKE A SCARECROW DAY. ***MARLAR: Last Halloween I dressed a scarecrow up to look like me. Kids were too frightened to knock on the door.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Fall Astronomy Day
International Eat An Apple Day
International Coastal Clean up Day
National Seatcheck Saturday 2015
COMING UP NEXT
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20
Wife Appreciation Day
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21
International Day of Peace
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22
American Business Women’s Day
Dear Diary Day
Elephant Appreciation Day
Ice Cream Cone Day
International Day of Radiant Peace
National Centenarian’s Day
National Rock n’ Roll Dog Day
National White Chocolate Day
National Woman Road Warrior Day
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23
Checkers Day (Dogs in Politics Day)
Fall (Autumn) Equinox (4:21am)
National Rehabilitation Day
Restless Legs Awareness Day
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25
Math Story Telling Day
National One-Hit Wonder Day
Vegan Baking Day
Hug a Vegetarian Day
Love Note Day
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26
Johnny Appleseed Day
Shamu The Whale Day
Family Health and Fitness Day USA
Fish Amnesty Day
National Hunting and Fishing Day
National Public Lands Day
R.E.A.D. In America Day
ON THIS DAY
1881: President James Garfield died of a gunshot wound inflicted by a disappointed office seeker the previous July 2.
1934: Bruno Hauptmann was arrested for the Lindbergh baby kidnap-murder.
1955: President Juan Peron of Argentina was deposed and exiled after a military coup.
1957: The United States conducted its first underground nuclear test in the Nevada desert.
1962: Gov. Ross Barnett blocked James Meredith from enrolling in the University of Mississippi.
1985: The Mexico City area was struck by the first of two devastating earthquakes that claimed thousands of lives. The second earthquake hit 36 hours later.
1994: U.S. troops entered Haiti to enforce the return of exiled president Jean-Bertrand Aristide.
2001: The Pentagon ordered combat aircraft to the Persian Gulf following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
821: Theodulf, poet, scholar, secretary of education, and bishop of Orleans during Charlemagne’s reign is buried. He wrote hymns, among which his best remembered is “Gloria Laus et Honor” or “All Glory, Laud and Honor / To thee Redeemer King.
1853: Baptist missionary pioneer J. Hudson Taylor sets sail from England for China at the age of 21.
1888: Missionary Jonathan Goforth begins a tour of the North Honan region of China, where he would spend the rest of his life preaching, establishing churches, and ministering to the needy.
1955: Mission Aviation pilot Nate Saint spots the Auca villages in the Amazon jungle. The Auca massacred him and his companions on January 6, 1956.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- Actor (“Saturday Night Live”, Fever Pitch, “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon”) Jimmy Fallon, 41
- (President Jimmy Carter’s daughter) Amy Carter 48
- Actor (Die Hard: With a Vengeance, The Man in the Iron Mask, voice of ‘Scar’ in The Lion King) Jeremy Irons, 67
- actor (“3rd Rock From The Sun”) John Lithgow is 70 (
- actor (TV’s campy “Batman”) Adam West 87 (
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1921 : Billy Ward (The Dominoes)
1931 : Brook Benton
1934 : Brian Epstein (Beatles manager)
1940 : Paul Williams
1940 : Bill Medley (The Righteous Brothers)
1943 : Cass Elliot (The Mamas & The Papas)
1945 : Freda Payne
1945 : David Bromberg
1947 : Lol Creme (10cc)
1951 : Daniel Lanois
1952 : Nile Rodgers (Chic)
1956 : Rex Smith
1964 : Trisha Yearwood
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Where is the highest archaeological site in the world?
The highest archaeological site in the world is on the summit of Cerro Llullaillaco [SER-oh yu-yai-YAH-ko] in the Andes Mountains on the border between Chile and northwestern Argentina. At 22,110 feet (6743 meters), Llullaillaco is also the second highest volcano in the world. Llullaillaco is a desolate, forbidding peak. Capped with windblown snow, it is surrounded by a stark, ash-gray desert. At its peak a stone and gravel platform was recently discovered with a chamber dug into the rock underneath. In the chamber were the mummified remains of three children sacrificed in a long-forgotten Inca ritual, together with statues and jewelry. Another valuable find might have been at 20,112 feet atop nearby Nevado Quehuar, but tomb-raiders looted that site before archaeologists could get there, leaving little of scientific value.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Jamie Grace was being open and honest in her latest Jamie Grace show video. As part of the video she shared about the struggles caused by Tourette’s and a mouth piece that is helping reduce symptoms. Jamie said that, thanks to the new technology, she has gone from over 100 tics to less than 10 tics in three minutes. Watch the entire video here: https://t.co/OVPSiPlwcd
Jamie Grace says even she questions God from time to time. She shared: Sometimes I’m like ummm “Jesus… Where is my husband?” And He’s like, “shh. I got this.” (Aka I go read Jeremiah 29:11 and hush…)
Congratulations to Tobymac. According to a report in New Release Today, he was just given the Rich Mullins Impact Award.
The Newsboys are now with a new music company. It was announced that their future music will be promoted by a music organization called FairTrade Services and you won’t have to wait long for their next project. The members of the Newsboys say they are currently in the studio working on their next album. It’s slated for release in March of 2016. http://t.co/Tl3KNPmTH2
Jason Gray says he and Big Daddy Weave had so much fun touring together in the spring that they decided to do it again this fall. Beginning this weekend Jason Gray, Big Daddy Weave, and Citizenway will travel the country as part of the My Story Tour. The tour will run through late November and will cover much of the eastern half of the United States, from Texas and Missouri to Florida and Massachusetts.
Tiffany Lee has a deadline. The artist who goes by the name Plumb joined her family in moving into their newly renovated home this past weekend but she says there are still a lot of little things that need done. Plumb said they are still organizing and cleaning out all of the tools and drywall dust and finishing small details. Tiffany says her niece has her baptism scheduled in their pond in six weeks so that’s her deadline to have everything put in its place and cleaned and decorated… However she starts the exhale tour today (Friday) so time is of the essence. Plumb said: any time management tips are welcome!
WEIRD & WACKY
|Marlins surprise Christian Yelich with lookalike from ‘SNL’ photo
NEW YORK (AP) — The newcomer in a Miami Marlins uniform sure looked a lot like Christian Yelich — except in the batting cage. Even though they are more than 20 games under .500 as the season winds down, the Marlins had some fun Tuesday evening at Citi Field. They surprised their Gold…
|Man thinks he and son poisoned by meth in hotel coffee maker
KEARNEY, Neb. (AP) — A Nebraska man believes he and his 2-year-old son were poisoned by a methamphetamine-tainted coffee maker at an Omaha hotel. Travis and Amber Richard and their children spent Labor Day weekend in Omaha. He says he used the coffee maker and coffee package in their room on…
|Burglary suspects make poor getaway: police station
ROSWELL, Ga. (AP) — Authorities say two suspects in a drug store burglary chose one of the worst possible places to make their getaway: the police station. Police say the men ran from the business, ending up at the back gate of the Roswell police station. Roswell police say an officer on…
|Stolen Red Sox World Series ring found during drug raid
QUINCY, Mass. (AP) — Police conducting a raid at a suspected drug dealer’s home south of Boston made an unusual discovery — a stolen 2004 Red Sox World Series ring. Quincy police had been watching the home for several months, and on Tuesday they executed a search warrant after…
|Man who couldn’t mesh with 5 lawyers faces skeptical judges
AUGUSTA, Maine (AP) — The lawyer for a man who was stripped of his right to a court-appointed attorney because he couldn’t get along with five previous lawyers faced skeptical justices on Wednesday who were concerned the defendant was simply gaming the legal system. Several supreme court…
|Flying brisket whacks woman amid beef at barbecue festival
DANVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Police say a woman was hit with a hot flying brisket when a contestant’s temper flared during a beef over a shared cooker at a central Kentucky barbecue festival. Danville police say they were called to the Kentucky State BBQ Festival after a dispute was reported between…
|Suspect returns to burglary scene for lost keys, cellphone
TWIN FALLS, Idaho (AP) — A man is charged with burglary after police say he returned to a Twin Falls, Idaho, home for his forgotten car keys and cellphone. The Times-News reports (http://bit.ly/1W0jIri) a woman called police when she found her home ransacked on Saturday, with a stranger’s…
|New York grilled-cheese truck wins top street food award
NEW YORK (AP) — A New York grilled-cheese food truck whose proceeds go to help formerly incarcerated youths has won the top Vendy award for best street fare. The Street Vendor Project sponsors the annual event. It announced this year’s Vendy Cup winner is Snowday, a truck specializing in…
|Cars in Reno, Nevada, damaged by watermelons
RENO, Nev. (AP) — Police say vandals have been lobbing watermelons at cars in a Reno, Nevada, neighborhood. KOLO-TV reports (http://bit.ly/1Kl0Y21) Sunday night’s vandalism happened in Angelique Ybarra’s northwest Reno neighborhood. A watermelon dented the side of her car in July, and she…
|1 arrest after complaint of man sniffing feet in a library photo
MIAMI (AP) — Police say they’ve arrested a man days after a complaint that someone was spotted crawling under library tables and smelling a woman’s feet at Florida International University. Miami-Dade police say 52-year-old Eddy Juan was arrested Tuesday and charged with violation of sexual…
|New England experts concerned by sighting of invasive turtle photo
BOSTON (AP) — Two odd-looking Chinese soft-shelled marsh turtles raised for food in Asia have been seen south of Boston, and there’s concern they could eventually threaten local ecosystems if they become established in New England. New England Aquarium experts said Saturday it is possible…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Study: Air pollution kills 3.3 million worldwide, may double photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Air pollution is killing 3.3 million people a year worldwide, according to a new study that includes this surprise: Farming plays a large role in smog and soot deaths in industrial nations. Scientists in Germany, Cyprus, Saudi Arabia and Harvard University calculated the…
|Capitol Hill Buzz: Stewart lobbying for Sept. 11 responders photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Comedian Jon Stewart turned serious Wednesday as he lobbied members of Congress to permanently extend a law providing medical monitoring and treatment for Sept. 11 first responders. Accompanied by several first responders, Stewart met with members of Congress and attended a…
|APNewsBreak: Man claims bias over use of HIV-blocking drug photo
BOSTON (AP) — As a gay man, the Boston attorney thought he was doing the responsible thing when he asked his doctor to prescribe Truvada, a drug hailed as a way to halt the spread of AIDS. But when he tried to get long-term care insurance, Mutual of Omaha turned him down, saying it does not…
|Anti-abortion videos draw scrutiny to fetal tissue brokers photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Covert videos released by an anti-abortion group have opened a window on a largely unknown corner of science: the middlemen who supply researchers with human fetal cells from elective abortions. For decades, these typically small companies or nonprofits have been quietly…
|Australia to penalize parents who don’t vaccinate children
CANBERRA, Australia (AP) — The Australian government said on Wednesday that it will pass a law that would withhold child care and other payments from families that fail to immunize their children. The “No Jab, No Pay Bill” introduced to Parliament would also remove a category of…
|Indian hospitals warned not to turn away dengue patients photo
NEW DELHI (AP) — As India’s capital struggles with its worst outbreak of dengue fever in five years, officials threatened Wednesday to cancel private hospitals’ licenses if they turn away patients. More than 11 people have died from the mosquito-borne disease in New Delhi this year and about…
|Report: $235M saved by year ban on Planned Parenthood funds
WASHINGTON (AP) — A Republican bill that would halt federal payments to Planned Parenthood for a year could reduce health care access for about 390,000 people while saving taxpayers about $235 million, Congress’ official authority on the budget said Wednesday. The estimate by the nonpartisan…
|Panel backs aspirin for heart health in only certain adults
WASHINGTON (AP) — A government task force says a daily low-dose aspirin could help certain people in their 50s and 60s prevent a first heart attack or stroke — and they might get some protection against colon cancer at the same time. The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force issued draft…
|New Ebola death reported in northern Sierra Leone
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Sierra Leone on Monday announced a new Ebola death in a northern district that had gone nearly six months without reporting any infections. The announcement marked another setback in ending Ebola transmission in Sierra Leone, which has totaled nearly 4,000 Ebola…
|NFL’s safety campaign includes rule changes and PR effort photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Jim Gossett has been paid to watch football games for more than 30 years: for three decades as an athletic trainer at Columbia University and four seasons as an injury spotter for the NFL. But this season, stationed high above the field at MetLife Stadium, Gossett is able to…
|House chairman subpoenas uncut Planned Parenthood videos
WASHINGTON (AP) — A House committee chairman issued a subpoena Tuesday for an anti-abortion group’s unedited videos about Planned Parenthood’s provision of fetal tissue for research. The subpoena by Rep. Jason Chaffetz, R-Utah, who heads the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee,…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Killing Time”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jeff Allen, “Golf Carts”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear insisted on looking at picnic spot after picnic spot after picnic spot in order to find the perfect place to have an ultimate picnic. Unfortunately, he wasn’t listening to anybody else’s opinions, and everyone else is tired, hungry, and they’ve had enough…
CLOSE: All of this over finding a nice place for a picnic? Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 19/20, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals were on the lookout for the perfect picnic spot so they could have the perfect picnic. They’ve already passed some great places, and everyone wanted to stop and have their picnic… but Gruffy still isn’t satisfied, and is insisting they move on!
CLOSE: Is he kidding?!?! There can’t possibly be a better spot than that – and everyone is hungry and tired! What more does Gruffy want? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
What would you do if someone hands you a single U.S. million-dollar bill?
Police in southern Idaho are looking for someone trying to pass phony million-dollar bills. Officers in Twin Falls say the counterfeits are high quality except for one big problem: the U.S. Treasury never issued a million-dollar bill. The largest domination bill ever produced was the $100,000 gold certificate issued in the mid 1930s. But it was never released for general circulation. ***MARLAR: Of course, this becomes an even greater Moment of Duh when you realize that they’re still LOOKING for this guy. How hard can it be to track down someone who’s trying to pass fake million-dollar bills around? The first time he asks for change, you should know where he is, shouldn’t you?
TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO DO DURING A BORING SERMON
- Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.
- See if a yawn really is contagious.
- Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.
- Twiddle your thumbs.
- Twiddle your neighbor’s thumbs.
- Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice.
- Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
- Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room.
- By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt around backwards.
- Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
It’s hard to rob a bank when everyone is ignoring you.
FILE #1: It wasn’t just the fact that he was using a fake explosive that a Michigan man’s robbery attempt was foiled. It was just that no one at the bank he was attempting to rob was paying attention. The would-be crook went to the drive-through window of the Comerica bank to demand money by placing a bag with a note and fake explosive in the tray. He then waited. And waited. And waited. But the teller never noticed the note or bag. Frustrated, the man simply drove away. Someone eventually discovered the wired-up substance in the bag and the Michigan State Police bomb squad were called in. They cleared the bank, only to discover after an hour of examinations that the ‘bomb’ was just a bar of soap with wires attached to it. He apparently was looking to “clean up”, but now it looks like his days as a criminal are all washed up.
FILE #2: An arthritic grandmother from Boynton Beach, Florida allegedly ran a family pickpocket ring from a wheelchair for 10 years! 63 year old Ernestine Williams took in as much as $50,000 per day as she sent out her 15-person crew to steal credit cards and checks from elderly shoppers in retail stores from Miami to Atlanta. Williams, along with her two children have been arrested and charged with racketeering and conspiracy to racketeer. Their family motto was, “A Family That Steals Together Stays Together!”
FILE #3: A western Kentucky woman’s attempt to get her son out of jail on bond came undone over a misspelling. The Paducah Sun reported court officials became suspicious when the 44-year-old mother presented a letter allegedly from Wagner Moving and Storage. The woman knew bond for her son would be lowered if he had written proof of a job. But the company name was misspelled and when investigators checked, they learned the woman had asked for such a letter from the company and had been denied. She was jailed on a charge of evidence tampering. Her son was charged with receiving stolen property. They both are now in jail in lieu of cash bonds. ***MARLAR: But now their family is together… and that’s the important thing.
STRANGE LAW: In Memphis, Tennessee restaurants, it is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
MySpace.com resulted in Jail.gov for one Bensalem, Pennsylvania teenager.
While many teenagers use the MySpace website to boast about using drugs, this kid apparently really was using them. His ‘this is your brain on drugs’ moment came when he made the brilliant decision to pose for a photo with a gun and a bag of pot and post it on the website. Among those logging on was a local detective who thought it seemed real enough to launch an investigation. The teenager has since been charged with possession.
It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day. I’m sure you can find something to do with callers with this – you scalawag!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who will prophesy 1,260 days?
ANSWER: God’s two witnesses (Revelation 11:3)
QUESTION: As a young man which president worked as a park ranger at Yellowstone National Park?
ANSWER: Gerald Ford
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The Mississippi River is the longest in the world. (False – the Nile is the longest at 4,145 miles)
- Nearly 50% of all bank robberies take place on Friday. (True)
- A 7 year old boy was the first person to survive the Horseshoe Falls (Niagara Falls) by going over in a barrell. (False – he survived in just a life jacket!)
- Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. (True)
- “Caterpillar” means “hairy worm” in Old French. (False – it means “hairy cat.”)
- In a year, there are approximately 60,000 trampoline injuries that occur in the U.S. (True – as is evidenced by watching “America’s Funniest Home Videos!”)
- Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham on a bet. (True – his editor dared him to write a book using fewer than fifty different words)
- Napoleon was 26 years old when he conquered Italy. (True)
- American and Russian space flights have always included chocolate as part of their rations. (True)
- Albert Einstein was once offered the opportunity to become the President of Israel. (True. He refused, however, on the grounds that he had no skill in dealing with human problems.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
STUDY: CLIMATE CHANGE CAUSES _______ ILLNESS (MENTAL)
Mental illnesses including depression and post-traumatic stress have increased as a result of climate change.
According to a new study, prepared for the Climate Change Institute, loss of social cohesion in the wake of severe weather events related to climate change are linked to highly increased rates of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and substance abuse.
As many as three in five people reported ”emotional injury, stress and despair” in the wake of these events.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.”
“I don’t know about that,” answered a blonde woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.” “You’ll let it out some day,” the man insisted.
“I hardly think so!” responded the blonde. “When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.”
My youngest brother Tony had just completed Army basic training and was on leave prior to his first tour in Germany. I am an Army National Guard pilot and my other brother is my crew chief. Since we were headed to the Air Base where Tony was to catch his overseas transport, we offered to take him.
When we landed at McGuire Air Force Base, several of Tony’s fellow privates came out to greet him. Tony ran ahead, while my other brother and I followed with his gear. As Tony approached his buddies, he was bewildered by their dumbfounded stares.
Then he realized that his friends weren’t seeing his two brothers giving him a lift; they were seeing a new private arrive in his own helicopter — with a captain and sergeant carrying his bags!
Once, I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My position had been reclassified so that it fell into a new area outside of the Information Technology staff.
One day, my new supervisor entered the room and stared at the air conditioning unit directly behind me. He studied the two flashing lights for a few moments and asked what job it was currently processing.
I killed my career by replying, “Actually, sir, it’s cooling the room. The computer is over there.”
Even strange fashion choices come with rules. A Scottish kilt should never be worn below the middle of the knee. ***MARLAR: Of course not – that would make the men look sissy.
For a contest sponsored by Nokia, a designer created a cell phone that emits odors from the location of the caller, to make it seem as if they’re right there with you. ***MARLAR: So please take a breath mint before calling Mom.
Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.
When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating… “If I can’t eat, I won’t pay!”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Even death won’t keep some people from watching the NFL.
James Henry Smith was a zealous Pittsburgh Steelers fan in life, and even death could not keep him from his favorite spot: in a recliner, in front of a TV showing his beloved team in action. The 55-year-old Smith, of Pittsburgh, died of prostate cancer last week. Because his death wasn’t unexpected, his family was able to plan for an unusual viewing. The funeral home erected a small stage in a viewing room, and arranged furniture on it much as it was in Smith’s home on game day Sundays. Smith’s body was on the recliner, his feet crossed and a remote in his hand. He wore black and gold silk pajamas, slippers and a robe. A pack of cigarettes and a beer were at his side, while a high-definition TV played a continuous loop of Steelers highlights. Smith’s burial plans were more traditional — he’ll be laid to rest in a casket.
The more generous we are,
the more joyous we become.
The more cooperative we are,
the more valuable we become.
The more enthusiastic we are,
the more productive we become.
The more serving we are,
the more prosperous we become.
The more outgoing we are,
the more helpful we become.
The more curious we are,
the more creative we become.
The more patient we are,
the more understanding we become.
The more persistent we are,
the more successful we become.
– William Arthur Ward
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
LEARNING TO WALK
READ: Hosea 11:1-4
I taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by their arms. —Hosea 11:3
I remember those days long ago when our children were learning to walk. First they showed their readiness by pulling themselves up and taking a tentative step or two. My wife and I would reach out our hands and encourage them to walk toward us. We held them up by their hands or by the suspenders on their overalls. We praised every effort and encouraged every attempt. We never grew discouraged, nor did we give up until they learned to walk.
So it is with our heavenly Father: He “taught [Israel] to walk” (Hos. 11:3). He took His children “by their arms” and “drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love” (vv.3-4).
Our heavenly Father stands before us with outstretched arms, encouraging us toward holiness, eager to catch us when we stumble. He picks us up when we fall. He is never discouraged with our progress, nor will He ever give up. The more difficult we find the process, the more care and kindness He expends.
George MacDonald put it this way: “God will help us when we cannot walk, and He will help us when we find it hard to walk, but He cannot help us if we will not walk.” Even though you fall, you must try again. Your Father holds you by the hand. —David H. Roper
Savior, let me walk beside Thee,
Let me feel my hand in Thine;
Let me know the joy of walking
In Thy strength and not in mine. —Sidebotham
We can’t run the Christian race until we learn to walk.
GOT A LIGHT?
A man’s house explodes just because he wanted sausage for breakfast!
A German man trying to cook himself some sausages as a birthday treat blew up his house. Upon entering his house, he found his gas was off, and the 47-year-old Berlin man decided to hook his cooker directly to the gas line. Then he lit a cigarette and the resulting explosion blew the roof off his house, injuring seven people, including himself and his girlfriend. ***MARLAR: On the plus side, his sausage patties were done faster than usual.
LIFE… LIVE IT
Want to know if your brain is functioning well?
According to Dr. Michael Roizen, co-author of the new book “You: The Owner’s Manual.” all you have to do is close your eyes and lift one foot off the ground. The longer you can stand on one leg without falling, the better your brain is functioning. The book indicates balancing on one foot for 28 seconds is good for folks 20 to 30 years of age; 23 seconds is good for people ages 31 to 40, and 15 seconds is good for people ages 41 to 60. ***MARLAR: I tried this experiment with the boss yesterday. But I don’t know how long he stayed on one foot. The moment he closed his eyes for the experiment I grabbed his Twinkie and ran out of his office.
JUST FOR FUN
How often do you hear about a letter being written and delivered… to a tree!
A tree received a letter from a council saying it is not to be cut down. The two-page letter was taped to the tree’s trunk. Locals had tried to save the lime tree and Southampton City Council relented. They say the letter which began “Dear The Tree” is a standard legalistic device. Peter Knight, chairman of the residents’ association which opposed the tree cutting said: “We are delighted the lime trees will be saved as they are a pleasant feature – but I’ve never heard of someone writing to a tree before.” Signed by the head of council legal services, the letter tells the tree, and three others, it now has a temporary preservation order. It also says if there are any further comments or objections they should be made in writing. ***MARLAR: On paper… which is made from trees. That’s just cruel.
Can’t eat beef… Mad cow.
Can’t eat chicken… Bird flu.
Can’t eat eggs… Salmonella.
Can’t eat pork… fears of trichinosis.
Can’t eat fish… heavy metals in the waters has poisoned their meat.
Can’t eat fruits and veggies… insecticides and herbicides.
Hmm… I believe that leaves Chocolate!
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Stay married… stay healthy!
This may come as a surprise to some married folks staying hitched through thick and thin is actually good for your long term health. A new study shows that the divorced, widowed and never wed have more chronic health problems and less mobility as they age than people who stay in a continuous marriage. And they continue to suffer more ailments, even if they remarry. Researchers at the University of Chicago and Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore found that divorced and widowed people experienced 20 percent more health woes, including heart disease, cancer and diabetes. They also had a 23 percent increase in mobility problems, evident by trouble climbing stairs and walking short distances. Study co-author Linda Waite says the enormous financial and emotional stress associated with divorce or the death of a spouse causes permanent damage, leading to a higher incidence of American’s two biggest killers heart disease and cancer. And remarrying even happily isn’t a panacea. Says Waite: “You move from a state where you’re getting damaged to where you’re taking care of yourself, but you still have the damage.” (National Examiner)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Normally a face off between a New York City cop and a street dancer results in violence. But in a recent video, such a faceoff resulted in cheers and some amazing dancing. Check out the video as both show off some amazing moves, leaving the crowd cheering for more.
A French-speaking German boat captain has partnered with a Frenchwoman to form an organization seeking to launch rescue operations for migrants and refugees in the Mediterranean. The two have also launched a crowdfunding campaign to fund SOS Méditerranée’s first rescue campaign. At a time when thousands of people are losing their lives attempting to reach European shores, the two want to buy a boat with the crowdfunded donations so they can rescue those making the dangerous journey.
Many kids don’t eat healthfully at school and a new study suggests it’s because they don’t have enough time. According to a report, when children had a school lunch period of less than 20 minutes, they consumed less of their entrees, vegetables and milk, and they were less likely to choose a fruit to go with their meal. The findings were reported by Harvard researchers. They say: While eating less might seem to be a positive at a time when many children are battling obesity, with the new school nutrition guidelines, school meals may be one of the healthier meals kids eat all day. However, when kids don’t eat enough to satisfy them at lunchtime, they’re more likely to eat more junk food later in the day
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good. –Thomas J. Watson
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
While I am not a big fan of catch phrases, I will now use one. I had an “aha moment” of my true career interest in 1991. After three years in Dallas, Texas, working at two radio stations, my life had come to a point of satisfaction in a “ministry driven” job. And then it became “life interrupted.”
A few years earlier, I had been doing marketing work in Sacramento, California. One of my projects was writing brochure copy for a new trade show concept. The event became successful, and the company was developing similar ones in New York and Texas.
The owner of the trade show company called to tell me of this success. Then he invited my wife and I to join him for a nice weekend in Austin, Texas, at the Four Seasons Hotel. We gladly accepted.
My friend Gary knew of my background and interest in business and marketing. Over dinner, he asked what it would take for me to move from Dallas back to Sacramento to “head up operations” for his trade show business. Boom. Quite the unexpected.
In short, I gave him my parameters. He later called and offered me the job. We accepted. I left my ministry related work to go back to making money. And hopefully, lots of it for all parties concerned.
About a year later, I was at work and glanced at my watch. I gave a personal sigh and thought, “Good. About an hour and I can head home.” And that’s when it hit me. Working in radio, I rarely felt like I was looking forward to ending my day! Sure you get tired. But it was work I enjoyed and with which I connected. Especially…being on air.
Two months later, I was contacted about an on air job in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. In an awkward but important decision, I shared with my employer how I felt “called” back into radio. While painful to him, he released me from my obligation and sent me on my way.
The bottom line to my story is that since then, I have avoided any significant management role. My satisfaction has been met not by moving up any corporate ladder, but by seeking excellence in the work I enjoy most: being on air. Fortunately, that opportunity is still available to me.
This came to mind recently in reading an article by Arthur Brooks. And it serves as a good follow up to my blog of last week on Labor Day. Brooks is the president of the American Enterprise Institute and an opinion writer for our company, Salem Media Group.
Brooks’ piece, “Rising to Your Level of Misery at Work,” was recently published in the New York Times.
He reasons that in this age, people are not necessarily rising to their level of incompetence (The Peter Principle) but more commonly to a level of misery. They have accepted promotions that drive them from what they love doing to what they come to disdain. It’s about increasing pay, prestige, and responsibility.
Asks Brooks, “Why don’t people stop rising when they are happy? Because we are built to think that more is better — more power, authority, money, and responsibility. So we incorrectly infer that promotions will equal greater satisfaction. In an economy that has left so many people behind in recent years, this might seem like a nice problem to have. But it is a problem nonetheless, as recent research clearly demonstrates.”
Some of that research shows that while poverty creates one kind of stress, wealth creates another. A performance stress, if you will. These workers live under undesirable pressure.
Apparently, alcohol use increases with pay! Of those making over $75,000 per year, 81 per cent consume alcohol — much higher than those making less. It’s probably also why yoga or meditation has become more popular. You know, for stress — medicate or meditate … or both.
The reason I found Brooks’ piece to be a good follow up to my blog of last week is based on a single word: service. A 2014 article in the Journal of Positive Psychology revealed lawyers in public service roles were happier and more satisfied in their work than those driven by high incomes.
And the clincher? As Brooks notes, “Through this added layer of intentionality, almost any work can be understood as a genuine service job. The type of work is actually less important than the attitude of the worker.”
Jesus taught it this way: “Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.” (Mark 10:43 MSG)
What a concept!
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…
*Note: Sicario is now opening October 2.
Black Mass—Johnny Depp does another acting transformation and turns himself into the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger of South Boston, who was both an informant for the government and top man in the gangs. He is still in prison on two life sentences. Benedict Cumberbatch plays James’ brother, Bill, who was a university professor and lost his job because of this. Also in the cast for “Black Mass” is Joel Edgerton. “Black Mass” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials—Here comes another installment in “The Maze Runner” series and this time Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) is leading his group outside the Maze and into many, many problems. It is very hot weather now. Also in the cast are Kaya Scodelario, Ki Hong, Dexter Darden and Patricia Clarkson. “Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
Everest—Based on a true incident in 1996 in which many climbers on Everest were caught in a sudden snowstorm and died in tragic conditions. Even though you think you are prepared, the mountain still has something deadly up its sleeve. You can feel a chill just reading the title. The cast includes Jake Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke and Josh Brolin. “Everest” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
Cooties—This is an out-of-the-usual-horror-film area in which bad food in the cafeteria makes kids zombie-like. So….who stars in this film? Elijah Wood and Rainn Wilson. What does it? Casserole? Mac and cheese? “Cooties” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Captive—Based on the true story and book, “Unlikely Angel,” Kate Mara stars as Ashley Smith, who was taken captive by an escaped murderer and managed to talk him into giving himself up. Talk about faith. The criminal is played by actor David Oyelowo. “Captive” is rated R. Rating of 2.
SEPTEMBER 25, 2015…
The Intern has Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway as a boss and a trainee, but who is really the boss and who is the trainee?
99 Homes stars Andrew Garfield as a guy who evicts people from their homes.
Hotel Transylvania 2 continues the comic animated story of a vampire count, whose daughter has married a human and now they have a son.
Mississippi Grind is about two guys who gamble big on the Mississippi. Stars Ben Mendelson and Ryan Reynolds.
Stonewall from director Roland Emmerich concerns a young man moving to New York in the late 1960’s and getting involved in the Stonewall Riots.
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