September 21, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150921

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

And now once again, before management comes to its senses, it’s (THE JOCK SHOW)!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”–Proverbs 27:6

 

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is

this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. –James 1:27

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others. — Philippians 2:3-4

 

Thought: Do you remember one of the earliest questions in the Bible? “Where is your brother Abel?” To which Cain responded: “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Paul’s answer is a clear and undeniable yes! We must look to the interest of others and not just our own.

 

Prayer: Father, teach me to love your family as you do. I get so caught up and distracted with my own world and my own problems that I forget to notice those who are hurting around me. Help me to grow more aware and more attuned to those needs so you may minister through me. In the powerful name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 9:21 NIV = She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.”

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – SEPTEMBER 21, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 95 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is THROW AWAY SOMETHING DAY. Or give away something if you prefer. It’s a day to reduce the clutter in your life.

 

Today is OBSERVE THE SPEED LIMIT DAY, a day to slow down and see if you can drive legally for 24 hours, and then declare yourself a Law-Abiding Citizen.  ***MARLAR: Although around here I think driving the speed-limit is called “impeding the flow of traffic.”

 

Today is GET OUT OF TOWN DAY.  ***MARLAR: Just obey the speed limit when doing so because…

 

Today is NATIONAL ROAD WARRIOR DAY. ***MARLAR: Need I say more?

 

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

International Day of Peace

Respect For The Aged Day

World Alzheimer’s Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

American Business Women’s Day

Car Free Day

Chainmail Day

Dear Diary Day

Elephant Appreciation Day

Hobbit Day

Ice Cream Cone Day

International Day of Radiant Peace

National Centenarian’s Day

National Rock n’ Roll Dog Day

National Voter Registration Day

National White Chocolate Day

National Woman Road Warrior Day

Yom Kippur

 

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

Checkers Day (Dogs in Politics Day)

Mabon

Fall (Autumn) Equinox (4:21am)

National Rehabilitation Day

Restless Legs Awareness Day

 

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24

Innergize Day

National Ag Day

Punctuation Day

Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25

Bright Pink Lipstick Day

Math Story Telling Day

National One-Hit Wonder Day

National Psychotherapy Day

Vegan Baking Day

Ataxia Awareness Day

World Pharmacists Day

Hug a Vegetarian Day

Love Note Day

Save The Koala Day

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

Batman Day

Johnny Appleseed Day

Shamu The Whale Day

Family Health and Fitness Day USA

Fish Amnesty Day

International Lace Day

International Rabbit Day

Kids Day (Kiwanis Clubs)

National Hunting and Fishing Day

National Museum Day

National Public Lands Day

R.E.A.D. In America Day

Support Purple for Platelets Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27

Ancestor Appreciation Day

Gold Star Mother’s Day

Google’s Birthday

World Tourism Day

 

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 28

Family Day – Be Involved, Stay Involved

Fish Tank Floorshow Night

National Drink Beer Day

National Good Neighbor Day

International Right to Know Day

World Heart Day

World Rabies Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1792: The French National Convention voted to abolish the monarchy.

 

1897: The New York Sun published its famous editorial, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.”

 

1937: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein was first published.

 

1938: A hurricane struck New York and New England with extensive damage and more than 600 deaths.

 

1949: The People’s Republic of China was proclaimed.

 

1962: On The Flintstones, when Fred recommended his unemployed friend Barney for a job at the quarry, Barney turned out to be Mr. Slate’s nephew and was made Executive Vice-President. (

)

 

1964: Malta gained its independence from Great Britain.

 

1981: Belize gained its independence from Great Britain.

 

1996: John F. Kennedy, Jr., married Carolyn Bessette.

 

2003: The Orlando Sentinel reported a Florida man, who bought a biscuit jar on eBay, found the seller was the New Jersey brother he’d never met. The buyer, adopted as an infant, knew his parents names and knew he had a brother. When he found the seller had his father’s name, the two talked, realized they were brothers, and began corresponding by email.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1452: Girolamo Savonarola, a Dominican preacher and reformer famous for his religious zeal and extraordinary piety, is born.

 

1522: First edition of Martin Luther’s German translation of the New Testament is published.

 

1558: Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor, dies. Charles called the Diet of Worms in 1521, which condemned Martin Luther.

 

1944: The National Religious Broadcasters organization is formed at a convention at Chicago’s Moody Memorial Church.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Radio Flyer, and the little boy Tim in Jurassic Park) Joseph Mazzello 31
  • actor (Carlton Banks on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”) Alfonso Ribeiro 44 (
    )
  • TV talker Ricki Lake 48
  • actress (Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants, Three Men & A Baby, Chris Connor on TV’s “Becker”)  Nancy Travis 54 (
    )
  • comic (Scrooged, “Saturday Night Live,” Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters) Bill Murray 65 (
    )
  • author Stephen King 68

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1874 : Gustav Holst

1923 : Jimmy Young

1932 : Don Preston (Mothers of Invention)

1934 : Leonard Norman Cohen (Leonard Cohen)

1941 : Dickey Lee

1944 : Jesse Ed Davis

1947 : Don Felder (Eagles)

1959 : Corinne Drewery (Swing Out Sister)

1967 : Moon Zappa

1967 : Faith Hill

1967 : Tyler Stewart (Barenaked Ladies)

1968 : Trugoy the Dove (De La Soul)

1972 : David Silveria (Korn)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What’s so “liberal” about the liberal arts?

You’d think with a name like “liberal arts” that this has something to do with the Democratic Party and a program they’ve designed to take over America’s college campuses. But, fortunately, this is not the case. “Liberal” in this context means free as opposed to the servile or practical arts. So that brings the question, “What are servile arts?” Well, servile arts deal with necessity, work and the everyday, rather than the finer things. Servile arts are the exact opposite of liberal arts. The concept of the seven liberal arts goes back to ancient times. By the Middle Ages, they had become codified: arithmetic, astronomy, geometry, grammar, logic, music and rhetoric (which, oddly enough, Liberal Democrats have an over-abundance of). Although the early Church Fathers held them suspect because they could lead people to secular pursuits, the liberal arts eventually became part of the curriculum in church schools. Their function was to develop a whole person, more “human” than just someone who works like a beast of burden. The liberal arts – they make weekends!

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

A question from Kutless member James Mead: Why does the back of my head always itch when I take my own picture?

 

Jenny Simmons might need an anatomy lesson. She shared a conversation with her husband Ryan this week:

Me to Ryan: Are Annie’s shin guards in the right spot?

Ryan to me: Are they on her shins?

Me: I don’t know where shins are.

 

Another claim to fame from Jonny Diaz; he tweeted this week: True story: two weeks ago I beat Ben Carson in a game of pool.

 

Jodi from Love and The Outcome announced this week that, for the first time in her life, she is celebrating the fact that she can’t zip up her jeans all the way. Jodi is eighteen weeks pregnant and said that it’s time to switch to stretchy pants.

 

Moriah Peters shared a childhood dream on twitter this week. She said it has always been her dream to sing with Stevie Wonder.

 

Plumb is always thinking of others. She shared: I leave my house messy so that, when my friends visit, they leave feelin

 

Tim Hawkins: In your 40’s, when wearing button down shirts, only one button separates the homeschool dad from the creepy middle aged guy.

 

The latest song from Building 429 is titled Oceans Deep. This week members of the band shared: Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, wash away any doubts! Ocean Deep is more than a song…it’s a reminder!

 

The Worship band Tree 63 is back after a seven year hiatus. Recently they sat down with New Release Today to talk about why they left, and why they chose to come back. http://t.co/TryltgTnzz

 

A prediction from Sidewalk Prophets Ben McDonald: Someday the whole world will become #americanninjawarrior fans and we will evolve to just use our upper bodies to get from place to place.

 

Jamie Grace says she isn’t going to brag after last Sunday’s Dallas Cowboy victory but she added that she is going to wear wear her Dallas Cowboy jersey basically everyday.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Bee stings, research that makes you go ‘huh?’ win Ig Nobels    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Cornell University graduate student who allowed honeybees to sting him in 25 places and a group of scientists who concluded it’s possible for one man to father 888 children are among the winners of this year’s Ig Nobels, which honor humorous scientific achievement. Michael…

 

Murder suspect, trial witness mistakenly put in same cell
LIMA, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio sheriff says a guard mistakenly put a murder suspect in a holding cell with another inmate who was about to testify against him, and a fight ensued. HASH(0x141d6b0) Crish says authorities broke up the altercation within two minutes. He says the men suffered only…
Man returns stolen phone 4 days later with note of apology
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — A man who stole a cellphone from a business returned it four days later with a letter of apology, but police are not willing to forgive and forget. Surveillance video captured the man taking the phone from Butch’s Welding in Trenton on Sept. 11. The security system also…
Captive snake with no male companion gives birth – again    photo
ST. LOUIS (AP) — For the second time in two years, a captive snake in southeast Missouri has given birth without any interaction with a member of the opposite sex. Officials at the Missouri Department of Conservation’s Cape Girardeau Conservation Nature Center say a female yellow-bellied…
Pope Francis’ visit to bring ‘AMOR’ to City of Brother Love    photo
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Pope Francis’ visit to Philadelphia is bringing an extra dose of love. Make that amor. A bilingual version of Maine-based pop artist Robert Indiana’s “LOVE” sculpture with the leaning letter O is going on display next week outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, near where…
Seattle Aquarium trains otter to use inhaler for asthma    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — The Seattle Aquarium has diagnosed a sea otter with asthma and is training the animal to use an inhaler. HASH(0x14039b0) Mishka’s trainer uses food to teach the 1-year-old to push her nose on the inhaler and take a deep breath. The medication in the otter’s inhaler is exactly…
Puppy found in St. Louis-area clothing donation bin
FERGUSON, Mo. (AP) — A week-old puppy found alive in a St. Louis-area clothing donation bin has a new home. Nowhere on the charity’s bin does it say puppies are accepted, but that didn’t stop someone from still tossing one into a Ferguson receptacle. HASH(0x1400ed0) The puppy was taken to an…
Burglary suspects make poor getaway: police station
ROSWELL, Ga. (AP) — Authorities say two suspects in a drug store burglary chose one of the worst possible places to make their getaway: the police station. Police say the men ran from the business, ending up at the back gate of the Roswell police station. Roswell police say an officer on…
Stolen Red Sox World Series ring found during drug raid
QUINCY, Mass. (AP) — Police conducting a raid at a suspected drug dealer’s home south of Boston made an unusual discovery — a stolen 2004 Red Sox World Series ring. Quincy police had been watching the home for several months, and on Tuesday they executed a search warrant after…
Man who couldn’t mesh with 5 lawyers faces skeptical judges
AUGUSTA, Maine (AP) — The lawyer for a man who was stripped of his right to a court-appointed attorney because he couldn’t get along with five previous lawyers faced skeptical justices on Wednesday who were concerned the defendant was simply gaming the legal system. Several supreme court…
Flying brisket whacks woman amid beef at barbecue festival
DANVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Police say a woman was hit with a hot flying brisket when a contestant’s temper flared during a beef over a shared cooker at a central Kentucky barbecue festival. Danville police say they were called to the Kentucky State BBQ Festival after a dispute was reported between…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Communities making efforts to become ‘dementia friendly’    photo
WATERTOWN, Wis. (AP) — Shirley Strysick sometimes forgets she’s met someone two hours prior or that she’s no longer a nurse. So the 90-year-old is living in a nursing home in Watertown, about 50 miles west of Milwaukee. And lucky for her it’s in a city trying to make life easier for those…

 

Another food fight? Congress mulls school meal standards    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Congress is deciding whether it wants another pitched battle with first lady Michelle Obama and the administration over school lunches that put more whole grains in kids’ meals and cut salty foods. Last year, school food rules pitted Mrs. Obama against Republicans seeking…
Novel plan to curb drug costs seeks candidates’ attention    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Consumer-friendly ratings of the benefits of new drugs. Limits on what patients pay. Requiring drug companies to disclose how much they actually spend on research. With the public concerned about the high cost of new medications, these are some of the proposals offered…
Things to know about the flu shot: Lots of options this year    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Give flu vaccine another chance: This year’s version got a recipe change that should make it more effective after last winter’s misery from a nasty surprise strain of virus. Don’t let a fear of needles stop you. Beyond the traditional shots, the squeamish for the first time…
Study: Type 2 diabetes pill Jardiance cuts risk of death    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Jardiance sharply reduced chances of dying in diabetic patients at high risk of heart complications, a study shows, making the Type 2 diabetes medication the first shown to lengthen diabetics’ lives. The study found Jardiance reduced deaths from heart complications by 38…
Capitol Hill Buzz: Stewart lobbying for Sept. 11 responders    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Comedian Jon Stewart turned serious Wednesday as he lobbied members of Congress to permanently extend a law providing medical monitoring and treatment for Sept. 11 first responders. Accompanied by several first responders, Stewart met with members of Congress and attended a…
Study: Air pollution kills 3.3 million worldwide, may double    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Air pollution is killing 3.3 million people a year worldwide, according to a new study that includes this surprise: Farming plays a large role in smog and soot deaths in industrial nations. Scientists in Germany, Cyprus, Saudi Arabia and Harvard University calculated the…
APNewsBreak: Man claims bias over use of HIV-blocking drug    photo
BOSTON (AP) — As a gay man, the Boston attorney thought he was doing the responsible thing when he asked his doctor to prescribe Truvada, a drug hailed as a way to halt the spread of AIDS. But when he tried to get long-term care insurance, Mutual of Omaha turned him down, saying it does not…
Anti-abortion videos draw scrutiny to fetal tissue brokers    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Covert videos released by an anti-abortion group have opened a window on a largely unknown corner of science: the middlemen who supply researchers with human fetal cells from elective abortions. For decades, these typically small companies or nonprofits have been quietly…
Australia to penalize parents who don’t vaccinate children
CANBERRA, Australia (AP) — The Australian government said on Wednesday that it will pass a law that would withhold child care and other payments from families that fail to immunize their children. The “No Jab, No Pay Bill” introduced to Parliament would also remove a category of…
Things to know about the flu shot: Lots of options this year    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Give flu vaccine another chance: This year’s version got a recipe change that should make it more effective after last winter’s misery from a nasty surprise strain of virus. Don’t let a fear of needles stop you. Beyond the traditional shots, the squeamish for the first time…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Two teens dressed as ninjas and armed with a machete were expecting an easy robbery at a Pittsburgh convenience store recently, but they got a shock when a cashier pulled out a sword and started chasing them. Surveillance video shows the teens entering Perry Market. One goes behind the counter with his machete and demands money. But cashier Jewad Hayih pulled out a sword of his own to knock the smaller weapon out of one teen’s hand. A customer grabbed the second suspect, but he broke free and both teens ran away.  ***Remember kids, dressing up as a ninja turtle does not make you a ninja turtle.

 

A Japanese company is working on an elevator to space. They plan to have it in operation by 2050.  *** No thanks.  I can’t handle instrumental soft-rock versions of Led Zeplin songs in the elevators now going up only four floors.  I’m not about to be able to handle Muzak heading in an elevator to space.

 

Buffalo Wild Wings will stop airing TV commercials featuring actor / comedian Steve Rannazzisi, who lied about being in the World Trade Center during the September 11 attacks. Rannazzisi, who stars on the FX show “The League,” had said that he was working for Merrill Lynch on the 54th floor of one of the towers when it was hit by a plane and described the “pandemonium” he witnessed when he ran out into the street. But he now admits he was actually working in another part of the city, and not at the World Trade Center.  ***Meanwhile, Brian Williams is returning to television, so there’s still hope for Steve-a-reeno.

 

In another campaign reboot, the New York Times reports that Hillary Clinton plans to be more “spontaneous”.  *** She PLANS to be more SPONTANEOUS?  Wow – not is Hillary constantly contradicting herself, now so is the media who is covering her!

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

University researchers in Rome believe that the moon’s gravity is slowly pulling all the continents westward. ***MARLAR: No wonder our country keeps moving to the left… it’s because we’re moving to the left!

 

The journal Neuron reports that a study by Oxford Prof. Edmund Rolls proved that words can influence the way something tastes or smells. The findings confirm that diners perceive a restaurant as being better when the menu and waiter provide flowery descriptions of the wines and dishes. For instance, test subjects rated a scent as more pleasant when they were told it was called “cheddar cheese” than when it was called “body odor.”  ***MARLAR: My favorite snack was cheddar cheese… up until now, that is.

 

Giving up all chocolate in a bid to peel off pounds may have a boomerang effect and make you eat more of it causing your weight to go up and down like a yo-yo. Psychologists have discovered that people who try to stop thinking about chocolate eat nearly 50 percent more. ***MARLAR: Just in case it works with other stuff, I’m trying to stop thinking of money.

 

The Center for Science in the Public Interest is attacking restaurants for offering high-calorie combinations of food, such as ice cream with cookies and brownie chunks or pizza topped with potato skins.  ***MARLAR: You know what’s really good?  Ice cream with chucks of pizza and potato skins!

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Killing Time”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jeff Allen, “Golf Carts”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear insisted on looking at picnic spot after picnic spot after picnic spot in order to find the perfect place to have an ultimate picnic. Unfortunately, he wasn’t listening to anybody else’s opinions, and everyone else is tired, hungry, and they’ve had enough…

 

CLOSE: All of this over finding a nice place for a picnic? Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 26/27, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, in order to find the ultimate picnic spot for the ultimate picnic, all of the jungle animals went out together to look. Picnic spot after picnic spot have been found – each one even nicer than the next, but it seems that no matter what they find, Gruffy Bear is just never satisfied with it!

 

CLOSE: Well it’s about time… I would’ve rebelled three picnic spots ago! But what’s going to happen to Gruffy? And what’s going to happen to the perfect picnic? Find out next time – As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Can you take yourself to court for getting into an auto accident?

When a dump truck backed into Curtis Gokey’s car, he decided to sue the city for damages. Only thing is, he was the one driving the dump truck. But that minor detail didn’t stop Gokey, a Lodi, California, city employee, from filing a $3,600 claim for the December accident, even after admitting the crash was his fault. After the city denied that claim because Gokey was, in essence, suing himself, he and his wife, Rhonda, decided to file a new claim under her name. City Attorney Steve Schwabauer said this one also lacks merit because Rhonda Gokey can’t sue her own husband. But Rhonda Gokey insisted she has “the right to sue the city because a city’s vehicle damaged my private vehicle.”

 

 

TOP TEN

THE TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY

 

  1. Your twin sister or brother forgets your birthday.

 

  1. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

 

  1. You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.

 

  1. Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.

 

  1. Your income tax refund check bounces.

 

  1. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

 

  1. You wake up and your braces are stuck together.

 

  1. You put both contacts into the same eye.

 

  1. You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.

 

  1. Everyone loves your driver’s license picture, but you think it looks awful.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Stealing a car blind is not just an expression in today’s files of Law & Disorder!

 

FILE #1: Alin Popescu of Izvoare, Romania, is blind, but that didn’t keep him from trying a career as a car thief. He managed to break into a parked car without help, get it started with a screwdriver and drive it half a mile down a busy road. But then, he smashed into a tree and knocked himself out. He told police, “I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do anything I wanted – despite my handicap.”  ***MARLAR: Well, he’s certainly an inspiration to the youth of Romania!

 

FILE #2: Andrew Taylor left a note on his door to let his friends know he wasn’t home. He was taking his guard dog to the vet. So not only did the note inform everyone he wasn’t home, it also indicated that his mean, ferocious guard dog wasn’t there either.  Not surprisingly, Andrew returned home to find that his house was burglarized.

 

FILE #3: A New York man reporting for jury duty has been taken into custody after a records check revealed he’s wanted in Ohio. James Geiger, of Sciopo, N.Y., reported to the Cayuga County Court for grand jury duty and indicated on jury forms that he had been convicted of a felony in Ohio. Court officials contacted Ohio authorities, who said Geiger was wanted on larceny and welfare fraud charges.

 

STRANGE LAW: In South Carolina, horses are not allowed into the Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Fireworks and alcohol do not mix.  Alcohol and minors do not mix.  Fireworks and minors do not mix.  Fireworks, alcohol and minors is just STUPID!

18-year-olds Ian Reynolds and Charles How, of Whitefish, Montana, were using fireworks to blow up mailboxes set in a heavy stone masonry structure. It was structure-1, kids-0 when the fireworks went off, sending flying pieces of metal into Reynolds, breaking his femur and pelvis and severing several arteries. Yes, alcohol was involved, as if to add insult to injury the kids were cited with criminal mischief and minors in possession of alcohol.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Today is THROW SOMETHING AWAY DAY – a day to get rid of the clutter in your life by throwing stuff away, or giving it away. What have you been holding on to for a long time that you should probably get rid of?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Solomon said that something “biteth like a serpent, stingeth like an adder.” What was it?
ANSWER: Wine (Proverbs 23)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many points are there on the maple leaf of the Canadian flag?
ANSWER: 11

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Oranges, lemons, watermelons, and tomatoes are actually vegetables. (False – they are berries)

 

  1. Chocolate has the same stimulation properties as falling in love. (True – chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine (PEA), a natural substance that is reputed to stimulate the same reaction in the body as falling in love.)

 

  1. A baseball has exactly 108 stitches. (True.)

 

  1. Cockroaches can run up to eight miles per hour. (False – they can run up to three miles per hour.)

 

  1. “Hussy” originally meant “housekeeper.” (True.)

 

  1. “Peladophobia” is the fear of losing your feet. (False – it’s the fear of becoming bald.)

 

  1. The average human will shed 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime. (True.)

 

  1. Ancient Egyptians could be put to death for mistreating a cat. (True.)

 

  1. The two most common surgeries are biopsies and cesarean sections. (True)

 

  1. The bumps on a basketball are called “pebbling.” (True.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

MOST WOMEN HAVE TOXIC ______ (FRIENDS)

A new study on relationships revealed that 84% of women have poisonous relationships.

Today.com and Self Magazine did a study asked their readers to come clean about relationships and got an earful from 18,000 women.

In fact, 84 percent of women said they’d had a toxic friend at some point, with 1 in 3 survey said they had a toxic BFF.

Sixty-five percent of  women have self-absorbed sidekicks and 59 percent have been friends with one of those draining emotional vampire types.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:
I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00.
If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.”

 

JOKE #2

When school started back the teacher asked little Sammy what he did on summer vacation.

“We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota.”

The teacher asked, “Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?”

Sammy said, “On second thought, she lives in Ohio.”

 

JOKE #3

A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.

One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.

In simple English what does this translate to??

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The reason has yet to be found, but scientists say the planet’s bird population is shrinking.  ***MARLAR: If you want to increase the bird population in your area, do what I do: wash your car. Trust me, the birds come out of nowhere.

 

Pebbles cereal was actually named after the shape of the cereal and not the Pebbles Flintstone character.  ***MARLAR: At least that’s what my Aunt Raisin Bran tells me.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THE DISH OF ICE CREAM

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor’s office very pleased with the advice.
When they got home, the wife said, “Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don’t you write that down so you won’t forget?”
“Nonsense,” said the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream!”
“Well,” said the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you’ll forget.”
“Don’t be silly,” replied the husband. “A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!”
“OK, dear, but I’d like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you’d really better write it down now. You’ll forget,” said the wife.
“Come now, my memory’s not all that bad,” said the husband. “No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.”
With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.
Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, “Hey, where’s the toast?”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON…

Did your school ever have all of the kids attach notes to balloons and then release them to see how far they’d go and hope someone would report where the various balloons landed? 

A kid’s balloon released by a 5-year-old boy in the UK was found by a British soldier clearing landmines in Iraq — 2,500 miles away! Little Kelvin Bielunski received a letter from Corporal Pete Allen telling him how the balloon had made him smile. The balloon was one of many released by Kelvin’s class on June 7th as part of a competition to raise funds for his school. The balloon had Kelvin’s name and the school address written on it. Head teacher Liz Waterland said, “The balloon must have caught a jet stream and just floated.”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

We reject all shameful and underhanded methods. We do not try to trick anyone, and we do not distort the word of God. We tell the truth before God, and all who are honest know that. 2 Corinthians 4:2…What a powerful witness it is to walk in the light! Paul actually states that a clean, pure walk with the Lord is what helps us to commend ourselves to others. The process is actually very simple. The Holy Spirit shines the light of Christ upon our lives, changing us “from glory to glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV). That unveiled glory is then reflected from our faces to a darkened, oppressed world whose eyes have been blinded by the “god of this evil world” (4:4). “For God, who said, ‘Let there be light in the darkness,’ has made us understand that this light is the brightness of the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ” (4:6). From within these “perishable containers” (v. 7) shines out the very glory of the Creator God who spoke a billion suns into existence in one moment! We are “full of light from the Lord” (Ephesians 5:8), and as we walk in the purity of Jesus’ face, a lost world will behold Him. We walk through pressure, perplexity, and persecution with victory, so that the “life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies” (2 Corinthians 4:10). Our greatest witness? Our radiant shine!

–Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

LIVING WITH GRACE

Be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5
Kevin Rogers, pastor of a church in Canada, has likened the grace of God to an imaginary secretary who compels him to treat other people as God does. Rogers writes: “Grace is my secretary, but she won’t let me obey my Day-Timer. She lets the strangest people into my workspace to interrupt me. Somehow she lets calls get through that I would prefer to leave for a more convenient time. Doesn’t Grace know that I have an agenda? Some days I wish that Grace weren’t here. But Grace has an amazing way of covering my mistakes and turning the office into a holy place. Grace finds good in everything, even failures.”
By God’s grace His unmerited love and favor we have been forgiven in Christ. God tells us that instead of relating to others from a position of superiority, we must put others ahead of ourselves. We should wear the clothes of humility because He “resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5).
When “the God of all grace” (v.10) controls our lives, He can transform interruptions into opportunities, mistakes into successes, pride into humility, and suffering into strength. That’s the amazing power of God. That’s the evidence of His grace!

–David McCasland

 

 

LEFTOVERS

EDUCATIONAL OOPS

Imagine walking into your first day of class as a high school senior and being told that you can go home, that you didn’t need to be in class! It happened to three students in Brooklyn!

It was supposed to be the beginning of their senior year in high school, but when it came to coming back to Lafayette High School in Brooklyn, three students were told they could no longer attend the school. Not because of bad behavior or poor grades. It’s because they already graduated. The problem was that no one at the school bothered to tell the three students that they actually had enough credits to graduate after their junior year! By failing to be notified of their status, the accelerated students did not apply for college or for scholarships. Additionally they were told, in June, by school officials that they could not participate in June graduation ceremonies. And despite the fact the school knows it made the mistake, the Board of Education refuses to allow the students to attend the high school so they can take advanced placement and college-prep courses to bolster their credentials for college next year. Their only option is to take a year off from school.  ***MARLAR: And they’re complaining?!?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

FALL ALLERGIES

Fall has almost arrived, bringing cool, crisp days — and allergies that cause sneezing and watery eyes. According to the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, 35 million Americans suffer from seasonal allergies.   Ragweed is the most common allergy trigger of hay fever in fall, although mold is another common cause. Seventeen species of ragweed grow throughout the United States, and if you have pollen allergies, you have a 75 percent change of being allergic to ragweed. Here’s five ways to curb the sneezing and wheezing.

  • Stay indoors.  Keep windows and doors shut, and stay inside during peak pollen times — usually between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., according to the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology (AAAAI).
  • Change your filters.  Dirty filters can’t filter the pollen bombarding your home. Clean or change air conditioning and furnace filters using high efficiency particulate air (HEPA) filters.
  • Clean heating ducts.  Before turning on the heat for the first time, have your home’s heating ducts cleaned. Mold, dust mites, and other allergens collect in vents during the summer months and will be blown into your house as soon as the heat is turned on.
  • Keep allergens outside.  Leave jackets and shoes at the door to keep from bringing pollen inside. Shower at night and wash your hair to eliminate pollen that’s collected during the day on your skin and hair.
  • Take your medicine.  Over-the-counter antihistamines can reduce sniffles and sneezing, and decongestants can relieve congestion and swelling. Some meds combine both antihistamines and decongestants in a single tablet. Antihistamine eye drops tackle itchy, runny eyes. Take antihistamines at least 30 minutes before going outdoors.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

YOU SMELL WONDERFUL TONIGHT

Hey, husbands… want to drive your wife crazy? Then you might want to buy your cologne in the baking aisle rather than the fragrance department. You don’t need bushels of money and stunning good looks to make your wife crazy for you. All you need to do is splash on a little vanilla-scented cologne. A new report in Perfume Collection magazine says vanilla is far more effective than the scents commonly used in men’s cologne like citrus or musk.  ***MARLAR: How can a woman NOT love you at that point?  You smell like cookies!

 

 

FUN LIST

CLUES YOU’RE A PSYCHO EX-GIRLFRIEND

  • When your ex asks for his stuff back, you say, “You know how to use eBay, right?”
  • You’ve published a pamphlet to distribute to his future girlfriends entitled “What to Expect When You’re Dating a Loser.”
  • You continue to send his parents cards on special occasions.
  • You daydream about your ex becoming quite successful and famous so one day you can go to the tabloids with all the embarrassing stuff you know about him.
  • It’s not uncommon for you to skip social engagements so you can stay home and cut up old photos of you and him.
  • You’ve mapped out a new running route that takes you around his block eight times.
  • He has a restraining order against you, as do his new girlfriend and his sister.
  • While you were dating, he told you his password is always his dog’s name – and now you use that info to check his e-mail in-box, voice messages, and what he’s been buying from Amazon.com.
  • You send a picture of him with his address to the Department of Homeland Security, with no explanation.
  • You refer to him as “the force of evil.”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

FOOD DIARY VITAL IN LOSING WEIGHT

What’s the most powerful tool in weight loss?  Paper and pen. Kaiser Permanente’s Center for Health Research in Portland, Oregon, says keeping a food diary is a powerful tool in helping people lose weight. A study involving 1,685 middle-aged men and women over six months found those who kept a food diary every day lost twice as much weight as those who did not. The study involved people from four U.S. cities: Portland, Oregon; Baltimore, Maryland; Durham, North Carolina; and Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Their average weight loss was about 13 pounds. But those who kept good food diaries lost about 18 pounds compared to 9 pounds for those who did not keep a diary. Companies including Weight Watchers use food diaries in their programs.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS

Refusing to make fun of the school principal ends up getting one student suspended!

More insanity from our education system. In Aberdeen, Washington, fourth-grader Tyler Stoken was suspended for a week for refusing to participate in the essay portion of a statewide test. Now get this — for the subject for the test essay, students were supposed to write a short composition on what would happen if, one day at school, you “saw your principal flying by a window.” Little Tyler, reportedly a good student, said he thought anything he wrote along those lines would be making fun of the principal and be disrespectful, so he refused to do it. The principal subsequently viewed that as insubordination (perhaps because it also lowered the school’s overall score) and suspended Tyler, but the school superintendent later stepped in and apologized.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Christians seeking family-friendly entertainment for their children will be able to do so without commercial interruption in the comfort of their living rooms with the new streaming service, Dove channel. According to the Christian Post, The platform functions much like Netflix, except it solely focuses on streaming faith-based and family friendly content. It will also give lesser-known filmmakers an outlet to release their movies and shows. The Dove Foundation, an organization which has specialized in rating movies for family friendliness for over 25 years, will launch the new service. It will be available this week and officials say there will be a monthly charge. However, they say there will also be a free version of the Dove channel available with ads.

http://www.christianpost.com/news/dove-channel-brings-hundreds-of-family-friendly-christian-movies-and-shows-to-smartphones-tablets-and-roku-145270/

 

Getting out of an abusive relationship isn’t easy—but actually packing up and moving out is even more daunting. But hundreds of women have Aaron and Evan Steed to thank for coming to the rescue. These owners of a California moving company have volunteered to complete the move for them, free of charge. The company has partnered with a local women’s shelter who reviews the requests for help and then also supports the women with counseling.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/meathead-movers-helps-women-leave-abusive-homes/

 

New recommendations on taking aspirin are likely to stir up debate among doctors. According to ABC NEws, They suggest that some people who haven’t already had a heart attack should take a daily low-dose aspirin to prevent heart attacks and stroke, as well as colon cancer. The recommendations from the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force found Persons who are not at increased risk for bleeding, have a life expectancy of at least 10 years, and are willing to take low-dose aspirin daily for at least 10 years are more likely to benefit

http://nbcnews.to/1iKclG8

 

UPS is gearing up for Christmas. The package delivery company announced this week that it will hire from 90,000 to 95,000 employees to help handle shipping and deliveries over the holiday season. The company has struggled to handle a crush of online shipping over the past two years, particularly during the last, frenzied days of the shopping season, when retailers entice people into buying last-minute gifts by offering free shipping. Millions of packages arrived late in 2013 and 2014. However, UPS said it is better-prepared this year because it is reaching out to more customers, including smaller retailers, to get estimates of how many orders they expect to receive.

http://news.yahoo.com/ups-hire-95-000-holiday-season-workers-161002702–finance.html

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Working at Misery

While I am not a big fan of catch phrases, I will now use one. I had an “aha moment” of my true career interest in 1991. After three years in Dallas, Texas, working at two radio stations, my life had come to a point of satisfaction in a “ministry driven” job. And then it became “life interrupted.”
A few years earlier, I had been doing marketing work in Sacramento, California. One of my projects was writing brochure copy for a new trade show concept. The event became successful, and the company was developing similar ones in New York and Texas.
The owner of the trade show company called to tell me of this success. Then he invited my wife and I to join him for a nice weekend in Austin, Texas, at the Four Seasons Hotel. We gladly accepted.
My friend Gary knew of my background and interest in business and marketing. Over dinner, he asked what it would take for me to move from Dallas back to Sacramento to “head up operations” for his trade show business. Boom. Quite the unexpected.
In short, I gave him my parameters. He later called and offered me the job. We accepted. I left my ministry related work to go back to making money. And hopefully, lots of it for all parties concerned.
About a year later, I was at work and glanced at my watch. I gave a personal sigh and thought, “Good. About an hour and I can head home.” And that’s when it hit me. Working in radio, I rarely felt like I was looking forward to ending my day! Sure you get tired. But it was work I enjoyed and with which I connected. Especially…being on air.
Two months later, I was contacted about an on air job in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. In an awkward but important decision, I shared with my employer how I felt “called” back into radio. While painful to him, he released me from my obligation and sent me on my way.
The bottom line to my story is that since then, I have avoided any significant management role. My satisfaction has been met not by moving up any corporate ladder, but by seeking excellence in the work I enjoy most: being on air. Fortunately, that opportunity is still available to me.
This came to mind recently in reading an article by Arthur Brooks. And it serves as a good follow up to my blog of last week on Labor Day. Brooks is the president of the American Enterprise Institute and an opinion writer for our company, Salem Media Group.
Brooks’ piece, “Rising to Your Level of Misery at Work,” was recently published in the New York Times.
He reasons that in this age, people are not necessarily rising to their level of incompetence (The Peter Principle) but more commonly to a level of misery. They have accepted promotions that drive them from what they love doing to what they come to disdain. It’s about increasing pay, prestige, and responsibility.
Asks Brooks, “Why don’t people stop rising when they are happy? Because we are built to think that more is better — more power, authority, money, and responsibility. So we incorrectly infer that promotions will equal greater satisfaction. In an economy that has left so many people behind in recent years, this might seem like a nice problem to have. But it is a problem nonetheless, as recent research clearly demonstrates.”
Some of that research shows that while poverty creates one kind of stress, wealth creates another. A performance stress, if you will. These workers live under undesirable pressure.
Apparently, alcohol use increases with pay! Of those making over $75,000 per year, 81 per cent consume alcohol — much higher than those making less. It’s probably also why yoga or meditation has become more popular. You know, for stress — medicate or meditate … or both.
The reason I found Brooks’ piece to be a good follow up to my blog of last week is based on a single word: service. A 2014 article in the Journal of Positive Psychology revealed lawyers in public service roles were happier and more satisfied in their work than those driven by high incomes.
And the clincher? As Brooks notes, “Through this added layer of intentionality, almost any work can be understood as a genuine service job. The type of work is actually less important than the attitude of the worker.”
Jesus taught it this way: “Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.” (Mark 10:43 MSG)
What a concept!
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…

 

*Note: Sicario is now opening October 2.

 

Black Mass—Johnny Depp does another acting transformation and turns himself into the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger of South Boston, who was both an informant for the government and top man in the gangs. He is still in prison on two life sentences. Benedict Cumberbatch plays James’ brother, Bill, who was a university professor and lost his job because of this. Also in the cast for “Black Mass” is Joel Edgerton. “Black Mass” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials—Here comes another installment in “The Maze Runner” series and this time Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) is leading his group outside the Maze and into many, many problems. It is very hot weather now. Also in the cast are Kaya Scodelario, Ki Hong, Dexter Darden and Patricia Clarkson. “Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Everest—Based on a true incident in 1996 in which many climbers on Everest were caught in a sudden snowstorm and died in tragic conditions.  Even though you think you are prepared, the mountain still has something deadly up its sleeve. You can feel a chill just reading the title. The cast includes Jake Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke and Josh Brolin. “Everest” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Cooties—This is an out-of-the-usual-horror-film area in which bad food in the cafeteria makes kids zombie-like.  So….who stars in this film? Elijah Wood and Rainn Wilson. What does it? Casserole? Mac and cheese? “Cooties” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Captive—Based on the true story and book, “Unlikely Angel,” Kate Mara stars as Ashley Smith, who was taken captive by an escaped murderer and managed to talk him into giving himself up. Talk about faith. The criminal is played by actor David Oyelowo. “Captive” is rated R. Rating of 2.

 

SEPTEMBER 25, 2015…

 

The Intern has Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway as a boss and a trainee, but who is really the boss and who is the trainee?

 

99 Homes stars Andrew Garfield as a guy who evicts people from their homes.

 

Hotel Transylvania 2 continues the comic animated story of a vampire count, whose daughter has married a human and now they have a son.

 

Mississippi Grind is about two guys who gamble big on the Mississippi. Stars Ben Mendelson and Ryan Reynolds.

 

Stonewall from director Roland Emmerich concerns a young man moving to New York in the late 1960’s and getting involved in the Stonewall Riots.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.