September 21, 2016: Wednesday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160921

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

And now once again, before management comes to its senses, it’s (THE JOCK SHOW)!

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”–Proverbs 27:6

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is

this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. –James 1:27

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others. — Philippians 2:3-4

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”
”Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked. “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. — Acts 9:4-5

Thought: When Paul teaches that the Church is the Body of Christ, he isn’t being theoretical. The Church is Jesus’ presence, his Body in this world. What is done to the Church as a collective group of people is done to Jesus. What is done to individual Christians is done to their Savior. Jesus is present in the world through us! The saying is true: the only Jesus many will see today is the Jesus they see through you and me.

Prayer: Dear Father, please “Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me, all His wonderful passion and purity; May His Spirit divine, all my being refine; Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me.” In the name of my Savior I pray. Amen. (From the song by Albert W.T. Orsbom.)

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 9:21 NIV = She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.”

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – SEPTEMBER 21, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
100 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is THROW AWAY SOMETHING DAY. Or give away something if you prefer. It’s a day to reduce the clutter in your life.

Today is OBSERVE THE SPEED LIMIT DAY, a day to slow down and see if you can drive legally for 24 hours, and then declare yourself a Law-Abiding Citizen.  ***MARLAR: Although around here I think driving the speed-limit is called “impeding the flow of traffic.”

Today is GET OUT OF TOWN DAY.  ***MARLAR: Just obey the speed limit when doing so because…

Today is NATIONAL ROAD WARRIOR DAY. ***MARLAR: Need I say more?

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

International Day of Peace

National Rehabilitation Day

School Backpack Awareness Day

World Alzheimer’s Day

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

American Business Women’s Day

Autumn Equinox (Fall begins) 10:21am EDT

Car Free Day

Chainmail Day

Dear Diary Day

Elephant Appreciation Day

Hobbit Day

Ice Cream Cone Day

International Day of Radiant Peace

National Centenarian’s Day

National Rock n’ Roll Dog Day

National Teach Ag Day

National White Chocolate Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

Checkers Day (Dogs in Politics Day)

Innergize Day

Love Note Day

Restless Legs Awareness Day (***As a sufferer, just let me say this day is completely unnecessary. There is now way you are not aware that you have Restless Legs. They will not be ignored.)

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24

Family Health and Fitness Day USA

Fish Amnesty Day

International Lace Day

International Rabbit Day

Kids Day (Kiwanis)

National Hunting and Fishing Day

National Familial Hypercholesterolemia Day

National Museum Day

National Public Lands Day

National Seat Check Saturday

Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play

Punctuation Day

Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving

R.E.A.D. In America Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25

Bright Pink Lipstick Day

Gold Star Mother’s Day

International Day of the Deaf

Math Story Telling Day

National One-Hit Wonder Day

National Psychotherapy Day

National Research Administrators Day

Ataxia Awareness Day

World Pharmacists Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

Family Day – Be Involved. Stay Involved.

Johnny Appleseed Day

National Dumpling Day

Shamu the Whale Day

Situation Awareness Day

World Contraception Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27

Ancestor Appreciation Day

Google’s Birthday

National Voter Registration Day

National Women Road Warrior Day

World Tourism Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 28

Banned Websites Awareness Day

Fish Tank Floorshow Night

National Drink Beer Day

National Good Neighbor Day

International Right To Know Day

World Rabies Day

National Women’s Health & Fitness Day

ON THIS DAY

1792: The French National Convention voted to abolish the monarchy.

1897: The New York Sun published its famous editorial, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.”

1937: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein was first published.

1938: A hurricane struck New York and New England with extensive damage and more than 600 deaths.

1949: The People’s Republic of China was proclaimed.

1962: On The Flintstones, when Fred recommended his unemployed friend Barney for a job at the quarry, Barney turned out to be Mr. Slate’s nephew and was made Executive Vice-President. (audio clip)

1964: Malta gained its independence from Great Britain.

1981: Belize gained its independence from Great Britain.

1996: John F. Kennedy, Jr., married Carolyn Bessette.

2003: The Orlando Sentinel reported a Florida man, who bought a biscuit jar on eBay, found the seller was the New Jersey brother he’d never met. The buyer, adopted as an infant, knew his parents names and knew he had a brother. When he found the seller had his father’s name, the two talked, realized they were brothers, and began corresponding by email.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1452: Girolamo Savonarola, a Dominican preacher and reformer famous for his religious zeal and extraordinary piety, is born.

1522: First edition of Martin Luther’s German translation of the New Testament is published.

1558: Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor, dies. Charles called the Diet of Worms in 1521, which condemned Martin Luther.

1944: The National Religious Broadcasters organization is formed at a convention at Chicago’s Moody Memorial Church.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Radio Flyer, and the little boy Tim in Jurassic Park) Joseph Mazzello 32

  • actor (Carlton Banks on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”) Alfonso Ribeiro 45 (audio clip)

  • TV talker Ricki Lake 49

  • actress (Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants, Three Men & A Baby, Chris Connor on TV’s “Becker”)  Nancy Travis 55 (audio clip)

  • comic (Scrooged, “Saturday Night Live,” Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters) Bill Murray 66 (audio clip)

  • author Stephen King 69

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1874 : Gustav Holst

1923 : Jimmy Young

1932 : Don Preston (Mothers of Invention)

1934 : Leonard Norman Cohen (Leonard Cohen)

1941 : Dickey Lee

1944 : Jesse Ed Davis

1947 : Don Felder (Eagles)

1959 : Corinne Drewery (Swing Out Sister)

1967 : Moon Zappa

1967 : Faith Hill

1967 : Tyler Stewart (Barenaked Ladies)

1968 : Trugoy the Dove (De La Soul)

1972 : David Silveria (Korn)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What’s so “liberal” about the liberal arts?

You’d think with a name like “liberal arts” that this has something to do with the Democratic Party and a program they’ve designed to take over America’s college campuses. But, fortunately, this is not the case. “Liberal” in this context means free as opposed to the servile or practical arts. So that brings the question, “What are servile arts?” Well, servile arts deal with necessity, work and the everyday, rather than the finer things. Servile arts are the exact opposite of liberal arts. The concept of the seven liberal arts goes back to ancient times. By the Middle Ages, they had become codified: arithmetic, astronomy, geometry, grammar, logic, music and rhetoric (which, oddly enough, Liberal Democrats have an over-abundance of). Although the early Church Fathers held them suspect because they could lead people to secular pursuits, the liberal arts eventually became part of the curriculum in church schools. Their function was to develop a whole person, more “human” than just someone who works like a beast of burden. The liberal arts – they make weekends!

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Jason Gray says they have some specific criteria for the J, J and JJ tour preconcert band devotions. He posted – Part one: somebody reads something beautiful. The only criteria is that it has to be beautiful. Step two: three minutes of contemplative silence. Step three: we hold hands and say the Lord’s prayer together. Jason is currently on tour with Josh Wilson and JJ Heller.

Blanca took one for the team this weekend. She said she’s normally in bed by 9 p.m. but, this weekend she joined the band in New York walking the streets of Times Square at 2 a.m.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKdnF-Gjp76/

Mat Kearney says he had a good day over the weekend. He says he felt his unborn baby girl kick for the first time and then played a concert at Red Rocks in Colorado.

A busy weekend for Citizenway’s David Blascoe. He posted: In 24 hours I flew from Wisconsin to Nashville, drove to North Carolina, drove back to Nashville, flew to Atlanta and now I’m flying back to Wisconsin.

CCM Magazine recorded a live for five video with Milo and his parents Jodi King and Chris Rademaker of Love and The Outcome. Milo was kind enough to allow his parents to speak with CCM. Watch the video at https://www.facebook.com/ccmmagazine/videos/vl.1011288172322847/10153891654443715/?type=1.

Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo says their new album is now available and options abound. Jaun posted a picture of the CD version of their project The Very Next Thing. He said: If you know what this is, go get one. If you don’t…you can get it on your phone! https://www.instagram.com/p/BKa5n66B8XP/

Unspoken front man Chad Mattson recently sat down to talk about the band, their new album titled Follow Through, and his favorite state fair food. http://williamsonsource.com/qa-chad-mattson-unspoken/

Jonny Diaz this week shared his definition of the world in 2016. He posted: “I’m very open minded… but if you disagree with me at all you’re clearly a hateful racist!”

Building 429 front man Jason Roy says he finds courage in the Bible even in the midst of troubling events taking place around him. Jason posted: As I’m sure you are all aware current events continue to be troubling, but I continue to find great courage to live out my faith within the words of the Bible. Every day seems to bring more reasons for us to continue to strive to live our lives unashamed.

Kutless member James Mead is not your typical rock band guitarist. He posted: Ooops…I stayed up till 1 am again reading a book.

Hillary Scott shared Proverbs 4:23 this week. She said: This is one of those verses that I know by heart…but goodness is it one of the most difficult things for me to do. My prayer today. The verse says: Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

McKenzie Gill was hoping to celebrate her 18th birthday – and the fact that she would be eligible to vote – with a cake that said “TRUMP 2016” on it. But the bakery department at Albertson’s supermarket in Bossier City, Louisiana denied the teen’s request. So Gill bought her cake elsewhere.  ***So let me get this straight… you are NOT allowed to refuse making a cake for a gay wedding, but it’s totally acceptable to refuse to make a cake because you don’t like a presidential candidate?  I say we get Elton John to run for President in 2020 and watch the world explode.

A blind man was banned from driving for three years for getting behind the wheel of his buddy’s car in England. The man was pulled over by police who saw him driving erratically. The man’s passenger told police he was telling the blind driver where to turn and when to brake because he, himself, had lost his license and needed to be somewhere.  ***But three years from now, that blind guy can get right back behind the wheel!

A group of cat lovers raised enough money to replace the standard advertising posters in a London Underground station with pictures of cats. The Citizens Advertising Takeover Service (CATS) started a crowdfunding campaign to raise the money to replace the standard ads for health foods and smartphone apps.  ***I have to admit that I’m torn on this story.  For one, it’s stupid to donate a bunch of money for cat photos to be plastered in the subway.  But on the flip side, you’re inundated with cute cat pictures instead of advertisements… and that sounds like a wonderful world.  Well, except for the cat photos.

A 13-year-old girl had to tell her Florida music teacher that a raccoon was to blame for her missing homework. She explained that the raccoon fell from the ceiling in her bathroom and ran into her bedroom. Animal control then came out to get the raccoon and when they couldn’t catch it, they said she couldn’t go in her room. The girl’s grandmother vouched for her story, telling school officials she couldn’t get to her homework or her books. The raccoon was eventually caught.  ***The teacher still didn’t buy it though, because the girl had already reported a grandmother dying three times before.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Days in the laboratory are numbered for chimpanzees, humans’ closest relative.  Chimps paved astronauts’ way into space and were vital in creating some important medicines. But the government said that science has advanced enough that from now on, chimpanzees essentially should be a last resort in medical research – a move that puts the United States more in line with the rest of the world. Chimps’ similarity with people “demands special consideration and respect,” said a National Institutes of Health spokesman.  ***MARLAR: So instead of being used in medical experimentation, chimpanzees will now do the other job they are most qualified for – running for political office.

The power of dogs’ noses is well documented, and that reputation continues to improve. Researchers have discovered that our canine companions’ snouts may be more accurate than advanced laboratory procedures when it comes to detecting certain forms of cancer. Researchers in Italy (Istituto Clinico Humanitas) trained two dogs that can sniff out the scent of prostate cancer in urine samples with a success rate of 98 percent.  ***MARLAR: I’m torn on this story – I like that there’s another way to detect cancer, but do we really need to give your dog yet another reason to sniff your friends’ crotches?

A bus driver in China has been fined for posting insulting signs on the backs of seats. His signs read: “Please do not spit and litter … violators are as bad as pigs and dogs.”  *** How are those signs insulting UNLESS you spit or litter?  At which point, why would we care if you’re insulted?

A recent report shows that the number of full-time journalists on the Capitol beat is down 40 percent since 2003.  ***It’s a crisis. In some places, Politicians are having to resort to parroting their own talking points.

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Swimming Is Good For Your Shape”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “Pink and Cuddly”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the jungle animals were terrified and began to panic after coming across something they’d never seen before in the jungle – they found five giant footprints to a terrible, awful, disgusting, ugly, smelly, terrifying creature! Maybe. Unfortunately, nobody’s really seen the creature itself.

CLOSE: Maybe Nozzles is right… we really don’t know what made the footprints – or even if they’re real! Right now we’re just scared of stuff we’re imagining! Just imagine what will happen next… As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 24/25

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were excited at the possibility of having our next As the Jungle Turns story be about them. Unfortunately, everyone thinks the story should be about them, specifically. Everyone wants to be the star! And you just know that’s going to cause some problems, and suddenly…

CLOSE: It sounds like a really terrible, awful, disgusting, ugly, smelly, terrifying creature… maybe. Who left the giant footprints? Tune in next time – As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Can you take yourself to court for getting into an auto accident?

When a dump truck backed into Curtis Gokey’s car, he decided to sue the city for damages. Only thing is, he was the one driving the dump truck. But that minor detail didn’t stop Gokey, a Lodi, California, city employee, from filing a $3,600 claim for the December accident, even after admitting the crash was his fault. After the city denied that claim because Gokey was, in essence, suing himself, he and his wife, Rhonda, decided to file a new claim under her name. City Attorney Steve Schwabauer said this one also lacks merit because Rhonda Gokey can’t sue her own husband. But Rhonda Gokey insisted she has “the right to sue the city because a city’s vehicle damaged my private vehicle.”

TOP TEN

THE TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY

10. Your twin sister or brother forgets your birthday.

9. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

8. You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.

7. Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.

6. Your income tax refund check bounces.

5. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

4. You wake up and your braces are stuck together.

3. You put both contacts into the same eye.

2. You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.

1. Everyone loves your driver’s license picture, but you think it looks awful.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Stealing a car blind is not just an expression in today’s files of Law & Disorder!

FILE #1: Alin Popescu of Izvoare, Romania, is blind, but that didn’t keep him from trying a career as a car thief. He managed to break into a parked car without help, get it started with a screwdriver and drive it half a mile down a busy road. But then, he smashed into a tree and knocked himself out. He told police, “I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do anything I wanted – despite my handicap.”  ***MARLAR: Well, he’s certainly an inspiration to the youth of Romania!

FILE #2: Andrew Taylor left a note on his door to let his friends know he wasn’t home. He was taking his guard dog to the vet. So not only did the note inform everyone he wasn’t home, it also indicated that his mean, ferocious guard dog wasn’t there either.  Not surprisingly, Andrew returned home to find that his house was burglarized.

FILE #3: A New York man reporting for jury duty has been taken into custody after a records check revealed he’s wanted in Ohio. James Geiger, of Sciopo, N.Y., reported to the Cayuga County Court for grand jury duty and indicated on jury forms that he had been convicted of a felony in Ohio. Court officials contacted Ohio authorities, who said Geiger was wanted on larceny and welfare fraud charges.

STRANGE LAW: In South Carolina, horses are not allowed into the Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Fireworks and alcohol do not mix.  Alcohol and minors do not mix.  Fireworks and minors do not mix.  Fireworks, alcohol and minors is just STUPID!

18-year-olds Ian Reynolds and Charles How, of Whitefish, Montana, were using fireworks to blow up mailboxes set in a heavy stone masonry structure. It was structure-1, kids-0 when the fireworks went off, sending flying pieces of metal into Reynolds, breaking his femur and pelvis and severing several arteries. Yes, alcohol was involved, as if to add insult to injury the kids were cited with criminal mischief and minors in possession of alcohol.

PHONER PHUN

Today is THROW SOMETHING AWAY DAY – a day to get rid of the clutter in your life by throwing stuff away, or giving it away. What have you been holding on to for a long time that you should probably get rid of?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Solomon said that something “biteth like a serpent, stingeth like an adder.” What was it?
ANSWER: Wine (Proverbs 23)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many points are there on the maple leaf of the Canadian flag?
ANSWER: 11

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Oranges, lemons, watermelons, and tomatoes are actually vegetables. (False – they are berries)

2. Chocolate has the same stimulation properties as falling in love. (True – chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine (PEA), a natural substance that is reputed to stimulate the same reaction in the body as falling in love.)

3. A baseball has exactly 108 stitches. (True.)

4. Cockroaches can run up to eight miles per hour. (False – they can run up to three miles per hour.)

5. “Hussy” originally meant “housekeeper.” (True.)

6. “Peladophobia” is the fear of losing your feet. (False – it’s the fear of becoming bald.)

7. The average human will shed 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime. (True.)

8. Ancient Egyptians could be put to death for mistreating a cat. (True.)

9. The two most common surgeries are biopsies and cesarean sections. (True)

10. The bumps on a basketball are called “pebbling.” (True.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

MOST WOMEN HAVE TOXIC ______ (FRIENDS)

A new study on relationships revealed that 84% of women have poisonous relationships.

Today.com and Self Magazine did a study asked their readers to come clean about relationships and got an earful from 18,000 women.

In fact, 84 percent of women said they’d had a toxic friend at some point, with 1 in 3 survey said they had a toxic BFF.

Sixty-five percent of  women have self-absorbed sidekicks and 59 percent have been friends with one of those draining emotional vampire types.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:
I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00.
If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.”

JOKE #2

When school started back the teacher asked little Sammy what he did on summer vacation.

“We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota.”

The teacher asked, “Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?”

Sammy said, “On second thought, she lives in Ohio.”

JOKE #3

A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.

One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.

In simple English what does this translate to??
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

USELESS FACTS

The reason has yet to be found, but scientists say the planet’s bird population is shrinking.  ***MARLAR: If you want to increase the bird population in your area, do what I do: wash your car. Trust me, the birds come out of nowhere.

Pebbles cereal was actually named after the shape of the cereal and not the Pebbles Flintstone character.  ***MARLAR: At least that’s what my Aunt Raisin Bran tells me.

FEATURED FUNNIES

THE DISH OF ICE CREAM

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor’s office very pleased with the advice.
When they got home, the wife said, “Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don’t you write that down so you won’t forget?”
“Nonsense,” said the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream!”
“Well,” said the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you’ll forget.”
“Don’t be silly,” replied the husband. “A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!”
“OK, dear, but I’d like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you’d really better write it down now. You’ll forget,” said the wife.
“Come now, my memory’s not all that bad,” said the husband. “No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.”
With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.
Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, “Hey, where’s the toast?”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON…

Did your school ever have all of the kids attach notes to balloons and then release them to see how far they’d go and hope someone would report where the various balloons landed? 

A kid’s balloon released by a 5-year-old boy in the UK was found by a British soldier clearing landmines in Iraq — 2,500 miles away! Little Kelvin Bielunski received a letter from Corporal Pete Allen telling him how the balloon had made him smile. The balloon was one of many released by Kelvin’s class on June 7th as part of a competition to raise funds for his school. The balloon had Kelvin’s name and the school address written on it. Head teacher Liz Waterland said, “The balloon must have caught a jet stream and just floated.”

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

We reject all shameful and underhanded methods. We do not try to trick anyone, and we do not distort the word of God. We tell the truth before God, and all who are honest know that. 2 Corinthians 4:2…What a powerful witness it is to walk in the light! Paul actually states that a clean, pure walk with the Lord is what helps us to commend ourselves to others. The process is actually very simple. The Holy Spirit shines the light of Christ upon our lives, changing us “from glory to glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV). That unveiled glory is then reflected from our faces to a darkened, oppressed world whose eyes have been blinded by the “god of this evil world” (4:4). “For God, who said, ‘Let there be light in the darkness,’ has made us understand that this light is the brightness of the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ” (4:6). From within these “perishable containers” (v. 7) shines out the very glory of the Creator God who spoke a billion suns into existence in one moment! We are “full of light from the Lord” (Ephesians 5:8), and as we walk in the purity of Jesus’ face, a lost world will behold Him. We walk through pressure, perplexity, and persecution with victory, so that the “life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies” (2 Corinthians 4:10). Our greatest witness? Our radiant shine!

–Larry Stockstill

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

LIVING WITH GRACE

Be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5
Kevin Rogers, pastor of a church in Canada, has likened the grace of God to an imaginary secretary who compels him to treat other people as God does. Rogers writes: “Grace is my secretary, but she won’t let me obey my Day-Timer. She lets the strangest people into my workspace to interrupt me. Somehow she lets calls get through that I would prefer to leave for a more convenient time. Doesn’t Grace know that I have an agenda? Some days I wish that Grace weren’t here. But Grace has an amazing way of covering my mistakes and turning the office into a holy place. Grace finds good in everything, even failures.”
By God’s grace His unmerited love and favor we have been forgiven in Christ. God tells us that instead of relating to others from a position of superiority, we must put others ahead of ourselves. We should wear the clothes of humility because He “resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5).
When “the God of all grace” (v.10) controls our lives, He can transform interruptions into opportunities, mistakes into successes, pride into humility, and suffering into strength. That’s the amazing power of God. That’s the evidence of His grace!

–David McCasland

LEFTOVERS

EDUCATIONAL OOPS

Imagine walking into your first day of class as a high school senior and being told that you can go home, that you didn’t need to be in class! It happened to three students in Brooklyn!

It was supposed to be the beginning of their senior year in high school, but when it came to coming back to Lafayette High School in Brooklyn, three students were told they could no longer attend the school. Not because of bad behavior or poor grades. It’s because they already graduated. The problem was that no one at the school bothered to tell the three students that they actually had enough credits to graduate after their junior year! By failing to be notified of their status, the accelerated students did not apply for college or for scholarships. Additionally they were told, in June, by school officials that they could not participate in June graduation ceremonies. And despite the fact the school knows it made the mistake, the Board of Education refuses to allow the students to attend the high school so they can take advanced placement and college-prep courses to bolster their credentials for college next year. Their only option is to take a year off from school.  ***MARLAR: And they’re complaining?!?

LIFE… LIVE IT

FALL ALLERGIES

Fall has almost arrived, bringing cool, crisp days — and allergies that cause sneezing and watery eyes. According to the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, 35 million Americans suffer from seasonal allergies.   Ragweed is the most common allergy trigger of hay fever in fall, although mold is another common cause. Seventeen species of ragweed grow throughout the United States, and if you have pollen allergies, you have a 75 percent change of being allergic to ragweed. Here’s five ways to curb the sneezing and wheezing.

  • Stay indoors.  Keep windows and doors shut, and stay inside during peak pollen times — usually between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., according to the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology (AAAAI).

  • Change your filters.  Dirty filters can’t filter the pollen bombarding your home. Clean or change air conditioning and furnace filters using high efficiency particulate air (HEPA) filters.

  • Clean heating ducts.  Before turning on the heat for the first time, have your home’s heating ducts cleaned. Mold, dust mites, and other allergens collect in vents during the summer months and will be blown into your house as soon as the heat is turned on.

  • Keep allergens outside.  Leave jackets and shoes at the door to keep from bringing pollen inside. Shower at night and wash your hair to eliminate pollen that’s collected during the day on your skin and hair.

  • Take your medicine.  Over-the-counter antihistamines can reduce sniffles and sneezing, and decongestants can relieve congestion and swelling. Some meds combine both antihistamines and decongestants in a single tablet. Antihistamine eye drops tackle itchy, runny eyes. Take antihistamines at least 30 minutes before going outdoors.

JUST FOR FUN

YOU SMELL WONDERFUL TONIGHT

Hey, husbands… want to drive your wife crazy? Then you might want to buy your cologne in the baking aisle rather than the fragrance department. You don’t need bushels of money and stunning good looks to make your wife crazy for you. All you need to do is splash on a little vanilla-scented cologne. A new report in Perfume Collection magazine says vanilla is far more effective than the scents commonly used in men’s cologne like citrus or musk.  ***MARLAR: How can a woman NOT love you at that point?  You smell like cookies!

FUN LIST

CLUES YOU’RE A PSYCHO EX-GIRLFRIEND

  • When your ex asks for his stuff back, you say, “You know how to use eBay, right?”

  • You’ve published a pamphlet to distribute to his future girlfriends entitled “What to Expect When You’re Dating a Loser.”

  • You continue to send his parents cards on special occasions.

  • You daydream about your ex becoming quite successful and famous so one day you can go to the tabloids with all the embarrassing stuff you know about him.

  • It’s not uncommon for you to skip social engagements so you can stay home and cut up old photos of you and him.

  • You’ve mapped out a new running route that takes you around his block eight times.

  • He has a restraining order against you, as do his new girlfriend and his sister.

  • While you were dating, he told you his password is always his dog’s name – and now you use that info to check his e-mail in-box, voice messages, and what he’s been buying from Amazon.com.

  • You send a picture of him with his address to the Department of Homeland Security, with no explanation.

  • You refer to him as “the force of evil.”

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

FOOD DIARY VITAL IN LOSING WEIGHT

What’s the most powerful tool in weight loss?  Paper and pen. Kaiser Permanente’s Center for Health Research in Portland, Oregon, says keeping a food diary is a powerful tool in helping people lose weight. A study involving 1,685 middle-aged men and women over six months found those who kept a food diary every day lost twice as much weight as those who did not. The study involved people from four U.S. cities: Portland, Oregon; Baltimore, Maryland; Durham, North Carolina; and Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Their average weight loss was about 13 pounds. But those who kept good food diaries lost about 18 pounds compared to 9 pounds for those who did not keep a diary. Companies including Weight Watchers use food diaries in their programs.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Chris Rositti has been testing the butterfly effect. The theory says that a butterfly flapping it’s wings on one side of the world can affect the weather on the other side of the world. The man who suffers from ALS decided to test that theory when it comes to giving. He recently gave 50 dollars each to two girls he met at a local diner and told them to do something good with it. It wasn’t until weeks later that Chris learned of the impact the money had. He received an email from a group of children in Africa thanking him for the gift after the girls who received the money used it to help a village where their father had served when he was in the peace corps. Now Chris is expanding the program. He plans to give out hundreds of the 50 dollar butterfly grants to kids at a local school with the simple requirement: do something good. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/16/chris-rosati-als_n_6880546.html?ir=Good+News

Have you ever wanted to keep track of bank robberies in your neighborhood or city? Or maybe you’ve always wanted to help the FBI catch a bad guy? Now, according to NPR, there’s an app for that. The FBI has released a Bank Robbers mobile app designed to help the public, law enforcement, and financial institutions see and share photos and information about robberies all over the country. The app allows users to sort bank robberies by date, state, and category. And if you want, a push notification will tell you when a bank robbery has occurred near your location and a link to the FBI’s online tips page.  Learn more at http://n.pr/2c0xbDh.

A new study finds that religion affects the U.S. economy more than some of the country’s biggest companies. The study of the economic impact of religion on America analyzed the “economic impact of 344,000 religious congregations around the country. They valued the “total economic contribution of religion in America” at almost $1.2 trillion. To put that in perspective, that’s an economic value equal to the world’s 15th largest economy. It’s more than Apple, Google and Amazon—combined.  Learn more about this study at http://relm.ag/7MbuX2i.

If you want to succeed as a husband, there a few things you want to avoid doing.  Here are the “Top 5 Biggest Failures as a Husband”:

1. I didn’t make my wife a priority.

2. Neglecting the power of prayer in our marriage.

3. Thinking premarital behavior wouldn’t affect our marriage.

4. Not having a plan for our money.

5. Not communicating in my wife’s love language.

http://www.allprodad.com/top-5-biggest-failures-as-a-husband/

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016…

Blair Witch—In 1999, “Blair Witch” was a runaway hit.  Now, it is present day, and a brother of one of the characters of the first film, decides to go into the same woods and see if he can find anything.  The original people are still missing. The cast includes Callie Hernandez and Corbin Reid. “Blair Witch” is rated R. No rating.

Operation Avalanche—Here is another film with the premise of “found footage” dealing with a dramatic event. There is a cover-up here. Stars Matt Johnson and Josh Bales. “Operational Avalanche” is rated R. No rating.

Bridget Jones’s Baby—Part Three of the saga of Bridget Jones, as played by Rene Zellweger and this time around she is pregnant.  Who is the father? Colin Firth? Patrick Dempsey? Bridget has been busy, but Zellweger has not, as this is her first major film in five years. “Bridget Jones’s Baby” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Snowden—Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as Edward Snowden in this film directed by Oliver Stone. What happened, how it happened and with Zachary Quinto (“Star Trek” films) as reporter Glenn Greenwald. “Snowden” is rated PG 13. No rating.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2016…

The Magnificent Seven is a remake of the famous western with William Holden. This time, Denzel Washington is the leader and other stars are Chris Pratt and Ethan Hawke.

Storks is an animated film about whether storks really deliver babies or not. Voices of Andy Samberg and Kelsey Grammar. A comedy.

The Dressmaker stars Kate Winslet as a woman who returns to an Australian town to open a dress shop.

The Hollars is finally opening and written and starring John Krasinski from “The Office.” Concerns a dysfunctional family.

Beauty and the Beast is yet another version of the famous tale. Stars Vincent Cassel and Lea Seydroux.

Goat stars Nick Jonas as a student who tries to get his brother into a fraternity.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.