September 22, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150922

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I just got junk mail from this organization that wants me to save the forest. I sent them back a letter telling them to stop sending me the junk mail which is printed on paper from the forest. That should take care of the problem.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. –Luke 12:32-34

 

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. –2 Peter 3:9

 

Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” — John 14:23

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

God “will give to each person according to what he has done.” To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. — Romans 2:6-7

 

Thought: God not only seeks after us, he desires relationship with us — i.e., he longs for us to seek after him and after matters that are important to him. When we persistently seek his glory and honor by doing good, when we seek after eternal rather than temporal things, he is overjoyed to give us what he has always designed for us: eternal life with him. In other words, the seeking God is always looking for those seeking him!

 

Prayer: Abba Father, I thank you for loving me when I was lost and in sin. I thank you for not just loving me, but also seeking me by sending Jesus. Thank you for your justice that you met with your grace in your Son Jesus. I confess that I at times get distracted and upset with things that don’t really matter very much. Please bless me as I seek to discipline my heart and focus my desires on eternal things. As I seek your glory and honor in the way I conduct my life, it is reassuring that your desire to bless me with eternal life is even greater still. In Jesus’ precious name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Luke 9:22 NIV = And he said, “The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.”

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – SEPTEMBER 22, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 94 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is DEAR DIARY DAY, a day to feel better by putting it on paper.  ***MARLAR: I never kept a diary… that’s more of girl thing, isn’t it?

 

Today is ELEPHANT APPRECIATION DAY.  ***MARLAR: So, if you happen to come across one while driving down the road, be nice.

 

Today is FISH AMNESTY DAY, a day to give fish a break by not fishing. ***MARLAR: And don’t think they don’t know about today, because they do. They can read… why else would they have schools?

 

Today is NO ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS DAY. ***MARLAR: Which is fine, because on this show I am legitimately sweet.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

American Business Women’s Day

Car Free Day

Chainmail Day

Dear Diary Day

Elephant Appreciation Day

Hobbit Day

Ice Cream Cone Day

International Day of Radiant Peace

National Centenarian’s Day

National Rock n’ Roll Dog Day

National Voter Registration Day

National White Chocolate Day

National Woman Road Warrior Day

Yom Kippur

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

Checkers Day (Dogs in Politics Day)

Mabon

Fall (Autumn) Equinox (4:21am)

National Rehabilitation Day

Restless Legs Awareness Day

 

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24

Innergize Day

National Ag Day

Punctuation Day

Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25

Bright Pink Lipstick Day

Math Story Telling Day

National One-Hit Wonder Day

National Psychotherapy Day

Vegan Baking Day

Ataxia Awareness Day

World Pharmacists Day

Hug a Vegetarian Day

Love Note Day

Save The Koala Day

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

Batman Day

Johnny Appleseed Day

Shamu The Whale Day

Family Health and Fitness Day USA

Fish Amnesty Day

International Lace Day

International Rabbit Day

Kids Day (Kiwanis Clubs)

National Hunting and Fishing Day

National Museum Day

National Public Lands Day

R.E.A.D. In America Day

Support Purple for Platelets Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27

Ancestor Appreciation Day

Gold Star Mother’s Day

Google’s Birthday

World Tourism Day

 

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 28

Family Day – Be Involved, Stay Involved

Fish Tank Floorshow Night

National Drink Beer Day

National Good Neighbor Day

International Right to Know Day

World Heart Day

World Rabies Day

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29

MAGS Day

Mutation Day

National Biscotti Day

National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birth Day

International Coffee Day

VFW Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1776: Nathan Hale was hanged by the British as a spy during the Revolutionary War.

 

1789: Congress authorized the office of Postmaster-General.

 

1792: The French Republic was proclaimed.

 

1862: President Abraham Lincoln issued the preliminary Emancipation Proclamation, proposing to free all slaves of rebel states as of Jan. 1, 1863.

 

1951: A Stockholm court fined a sailor for kissing his girlfriend in public. The court called the offense “obnoxious behavior repulsive to public morals.”

 

1955: James Dean completed his final work on film, the “last supper” scene in “Giant.” Eight days later he died in an auto crash.

 

1969: San Francisco Giants’ star Willie Mays belted his 600th career home run during a game in San Diego.

 

1976: “Charlie’s Angels” debuted on ABC-TV. The crime drama starred Kate Jackson as Sabrina Duncan, Farrah Fawcett-Majors as Jill Munroe, and Jaclyn Smith as Kelly Garrett. David Doyle was Bosley, and John Forsythe was the voice of Charlie Townsend. Cheryl Ladd, Shelly Hack, and Tanya Roberts replaced departing angels during the show’s five-year run. (

)

 

1980: Laura Ingalls got married on “Little House on the Prairie.” (

)

 

1980: The Persian Gulf conflict between Iran and Iraq erupted into full-scale war.

 

1988: Football players struck the NFL, but club owners hired new players and kept playing. The strike lasted 24 days.

 

1988: In a village in South Sumatra, two women believed to have died and been buried by robbers crawled out of their grave to report the crime.

 

1989: Songwriter Irving Berlin died in New York City at age 101.

 

1991: Officials at the Kenai, Alaska, airport completed installation of a $6,800 moose security system. Seems they had a serious problem with moose traffic.

 

1994: The comedy “Friends” premiered on NBC-TV. (

)

 

2001: A London theatre dropped plans to hire a duck for a show because it would have to pay a duck four times more than an actor.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1566: Johann Agricola (b. 1494), German theologian and reformer, dies. He became a friend of Martin Luther in 1519, though after 1540 the relationship deteriorated over the issue of the authority of Mosaic Law in believers’ and nonbelievers’ lives.

 

1692: Puritan magistrates hang the last 8 of 20 condemned witches are hanged in Salem, Massachusetts.

 

1734: The Confessors of the Glory of Christ, followers of 16th century Polish reformer Caspar Schwenckfeld, settle in the Pennsylvania Dutch countryside. In 1525 Schwenckfeld had traveled to Wittenberg to ask Martin Luther for an appointment, but found they disagreed on many issues. He became part of the Radical Reformation and Catholics and Protestants both persecuted him.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Jumanji, The Green Mile, Cheaper By The Dozen, “The Bonnie Hunt Show”) Bonnie Hunt 54
  • actor (“Happy Days”, “Joanie Loves Chachi”, “Charles in Charge”) Scott Baio is 54 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1930 : Joni James

1943 : Toni Basil

1949 : David Coverdale (Whitesnake, Deep Purple)

1956 : Debby Boone

1957 : Johnette Napolitano (Concrete Blonde)

1960 : Joan Jett

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

(edited from Creation Tips)

The oldest fossil ever has been found, and guess what? It looks EXACTLY the same as creatures alive today! Go figure!

It’s happened again. An “oldest” fossil has been discovered, and it’s pretty much the same as living critters. This time it is a tick (the parasite kind, not the clock kind). It was found in a vacant lot in New Jersey, believe it or not. Paleontologists (anti-creationists as well) say it is 90 million years old and is the oldest tick known. What’s so cool about this, and why is it good news to those of us that are creationists or intelligent-design believers? Well, many of these “oldest” fossil discoveries turn out to look like creatures living today. The oldest fossil bat looks like today’s bats. The oldest coelacanth fish looks like today’s coelancanths. The oldest tick was clearly enough like today’s ticks to be easily identified and classified. What this shows is that even using the evolutionists’ own time-scale, evolution hasn’t taken place. Ticks were clearly ticks back then, just as they are clearly ticks today. If no significant change has taken place, then evolution hasn’t taken place either, as we continue to point out to these evolutionist bozos. The creatures have reproduced “after their kind,” just as God, in the book of Genesis, said they would.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Kutless member James Mead likes pizza but he has some specific requirements. James was invited to get some pizza following one of the bands concerts and replied: I would love to, but you’ll have to find a Vegan Pizza place. I don’t eat dairy unless you want to take me to the ER.

 

Casting Crowns’ Juan DeVevo was in line at the Apple Store when the power went out in the mall. Jaun jokingly quipped: We’re drawing straws to see who to eat first.

 

Kutless member James Mead was recently asked: what’s the funniest thing to happen during one of your shows? James thought for awhile and then replied: Well, a snake fell down from the rafters once. It was very mad.

 

Brandon Heath says he is a self proclaimed coffee snob. His favorite is Blue Bottle Coffee from Palo Alto.

 

Some trivia about Cloverton: We LOVE Fig Newtons! We ask for them in our green room at every show.

 

Aaron Shust is being impacted by his own music. Aaron tweeted: I woke up with my own song in my head this morning. God knows we often need reminded of His great love for us. These are ‘my lyrics’ but taken from the promises in His Word.

 

Britt Nicole has a new love but her husband and children don’t need to worry. She tweeted this week: Rap is my new love.

 

Tech guy Drew Foster took an unscheduled break from Casting Crowns Thrive tour stop in Pennsylvania over the weekend. Crowns front man Mark Hall reported that Drew fell through the stage during one of the bands stops and had to be taken to the hospital. The good news is Mark reported that, after being treated, Drew was able to return to the venue. He is okay but sore.

 

The Afters Josh Havens was saying goodbye to a long time friend over the weekend. He shared online that, more than decade ago, when they were just a little independent band called Blisse in North Texas, a Christian Rock station called Power 89-7fm played about half of the songs from their independent record. That station signed off the air over the weekend and Josh said: I’m sad to see that they are going off the air today, but thankful for everything they did for us. We wouldn’t be where we are without them!

 

Jamie Grace says her mom, Mona Harper, needs your prayers. She has spent the past three years dealing with significant pain and multiple surgeries but, after 30 days on the road and 30-thousand dollars out of pocket, she was feeling much better. However, Jamie reported over the weekend that her mom is sick again.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Police: Masked man in Elvis wig robbed winery tasting room
GROVER BEACH, Calif. (AP) — Grover Beach police are searching for a man accused of robbing the Monarch Grover Winery tasting room while wearing a mask and an Elvis wig. HASH(0x1415550) Police say the robber wore an old man mask and a wig. He was last seen walking south on Highway 1. ___

 

Father, son use net to capture exotic bird in New Hampshire
BOW, N.H. (AP) — An emu that had been loose and wandering around New Hampshire for more than a week has been caught. Maria Colby, a bird specialist who operates Wings of the Dawn Wildlife Sanctuary in Henniker, says a father and son captured the large, flightless bird in Bow Sunday afternoon….
Police: Robber tells Pa. pizza clerk he’s having a ‘bad day’
HIBBS, Pa. (AP) — Police say a shotgun-wielding robber told a southwestern Pennsylvania pizza shop clerk he was having a “bad day.” State police say the man entered the Fox’s Pizza shop in Hibbs at about 8:15 p.m. Friday carrying the gun and a camouflage bag. Police say the man demanded cash…
No votes cast in small-town Iowa school board race
MCINTIRE, Iowa (AP) — An Iowa farmer who was running unopposed for his local school board failed to earn any votes — not even his own — but he’ll probably still get the job. Randy Richardson, 42, didn’t find time to vote for himself between his full-time maintenance job at a bean…
Murder suspect, trial witness mistakenly put in same cell
LIMA, Ohio (AP) — A jailed murder suspect and another inmate who was about to testify against him got into a fight in a holding cell after a guard mistakenly put the two together, officials said. The men weren’t handcuffed when the guard put them in a cell during a break in the trial this…
Man returns stolen phone 4 days later with note of apology
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — A man who stole a cellphone from a business returned it four days later with a letter of apology, but police are not willing to forgive and forget. Surveillance video captured the man taking the phone from Butch’s Welding in Trenton on Sept. 11. The security system also…
Pope Francis’ visit to bring ‘AMOR’ to City of Brother Love    photo
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Pope Francis’ visit to Philadelphia is bringing an extra dose of love. Make that amor. A bilingual version of Maine-based pop artist Robert Indiana’s “LOVE” sculpture with the leaning letter O is going on display next week outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, near where…
Captive snake with no male companion gives birth – again    photo
ST. LOUIS (AP) — For the second time in two years, a captive snake in southeast Missouri has given birth without any interaction with a member of the opposite sex. Officials at the Missouri Department of Conservation’s Cape Girardeau Conservation Nature Center say a female yellow-bellied…
Bee stings, research that makes you go ‘huh?’ win Ig Nobels    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Cornell University graduate student who allowed honeybees to sting him in 25 places and a group of scientists who concluded it’s possible for one man to father 888 children are among the winners of this year’s Ig Nobels, which honor humorous scientific achievement. Michael…
Football team’s mascot sheep dies on team’s big day
FORT COLLINS, Colo. (AP) — A substitute had to be sent in for Colorado State University’s mascot sheep on Saturday after the 24th mascot died shortly before the team’s big day. Colorado State University President Tony Frank says CAM the Ram died Saturday, the same day as the Rocky Mountain…
Puppy found in St. Louis-area clothing donation bin
FERGUSON, Mo. (AP) — A week-old puppy found alive in a St. Louis-area clothing donation bin has a new home. Nowhere on the charity’s bin does it say puppies are accepted, but that didn’t stop someone from still tossing one into a Ferguson receptacle. HASH(0x13d6d10) The puppy was taken to an…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

AP Investigation: Bungling by UN agency hurt Ebola response    photo
KENEMA, Sierra Leone (AP) — Something didn’t smell right. As a worker at Kenema Government Hospital mixed a batch of chlorine on a broiling August day, he noticed it didn’t have its typically strong, bleach-like odor. Concerned, he turned to a consultant with the World Health Organization,…

 

AP Investigation: Bungling by UN agency hurt Ebola response    photo
KENEMA, Sierra Leone (AP) — The chlorine was expired. The protective gear was missing. And the red tape was so thick that responders fighting last year’s Ebola outbreak had trouble getting approval for boots and buckets. The 2014 Ebola epidemic pitted a lethal virus against barely-there…
Some Minnesota marijuana patients opting to buy illegally    photo
ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) — Just two months after Minnesota launched its medical marijuana program, some patients turned off by high costs say they are back to buying the drug illegally because it’s the only way they can afford it. State officials and the companies hired to make marijuana products…
Another food fight? Congress mulls school meal standards
WASHINGTON (AP) — Add another item to lawmakers’ busy fall agenda: Congress must decide whether to do battle again with first lady Michelle Obama over school lunches with more whole grains and less salt. Last year, school food rules pitted Mrs. Obama against House Republicans seeking…
Clinton to propose new prescription drug proposal this week    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Hillary Rodham Clinton says she’ll soon roll out a proposal for controlling the cost of prescription drugs, a key fix to President Barack Obama’s signature health care law. “We have a lot of positives. But there are issues that need to be addressed,” the Democratic…
Tests on brains of former NFL players continue CTE trend    photo
Researchers studying a degenerative disease in former athletes say 11 of 12 brains of deceased former NFL players tested over the past year showed signs of chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE, continuing a trend they’ve been tracking. A story posted on PBS.org on Friday reported that a total…
Communities making efforts to become ‘dementia friendly’    photo
WATERTOWN, Wis. (AP) — Shirley Strysick sometimes forgets she’s met someone two hours prior or that she’s no longer a nurse. So the 90-year-old is living in a nursing home in Watertown, about 50 miles west of Milwaukee. And lucky for her it’s in a city trying to make life easier for those…
US officials to stop screening Liberian passengers for Ebola
NEW YORK (AP) — Travelers entering the U.S. from Liberia will no longer be screened for Ebola. U.S. officials said Friday that the screening will end Monday for passengers from Liberia. But the screening and monitoring will continue for travelers from Guinea and Sierra Leone. The screening of…
Novel plan to curb drug costs seeks candidates’ attention
WASHINGTON (AP) — Consumer-friendly ratings of the benefits of new drugs. Limits on what patients pay. Requiring drug companies to disclose how much they actually spend on research. With the public concerned about the high cost of new medications, these are some of the proposals offered…
Things to know about the flu shot: Lots of options this year    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Give flu vaccine another chance: This year’s version got a recipe change that should make it more effective after last winter’s misery from a nasty surprise strain of virus. Don’t let a fear of needles stop you. Beyond the traditional shots, the squeamish for the first time…
Study: Type 2 diabetes pill Jardiance cuts risk of death    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Jardiance sharply reduced chances of dying in diabetic patients at high risk of heart complications, a study shows, making the Type 2 diabetes medication the first shown to lengthen diabetics’ lives. The study found Jardiance reduced deaths from heart complications by 38…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Burning the candle at both ends might impress your boss, but you could be sacrificing your health in the process. A study published in The Lancet finds a strong connection between people who work 55 or more hours per week and cardiovascular disease. Those who work such long hours were found to have a 33% increased risk of stroke and 13% greater chance of developing coronary heart disease compared to people who work the standard 35- to 40-hour work week.  *** Which is exactly why I do as little work as possible each day for my employer.  It’s for my health!

 

Police say the parents of an infant who was locked in a hotel safe in Niagara Falls, Canada, won’t be charged. The child was placed inside a small safe in a room at the Howard Johnson Hotel this week by an older sibling during a game of hide-and-seek, and the safe door was locked. The parents called hotel employees who opened the safe.  *** Obviously, child safety locks have been taken a bit too far now.

 

Dictionary.com announced that four out of five adults claim to be good spellers. Females are the most confident (87 percent) in their spelling abilities.  *** Meanwhile, only 8 percent of respondents used two L’s in the word “spelled.”

 

Thirty-eight emoji are being considered for release next year by the Unicode Consortium, the group overseeing emoji standards across platforms. Among the other candidates on the list are bacon, a pregnant woman, a cowboy, a clown and a person taking a selfie.  ***They wanted to create a Donald Trump emoji, but it sounded redundant.

 

Australia’s newly unseated prime minister reportedly went to a bar with staffers after losing has job last week and “celebrated” with a wild night of partying. Tony Abbott even “danced with his shirt off.”  *** Vladimir Putin is filing a lawsuit for copyright infringement.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

We are now being told that social networking websites are causing alarming changes in the brains of young users. Neuroscientist Susan Greenfield tells us that sites such as Facebook and Twitter are said to shorten attention spans, encourage instant gratification and make young people more self centered.  ***MARLAR: In fact, I didn’t even pay attention to that story because it took too long to report it.

 

Used to be if someone said they didn’t have a TV you just had to look at them funny. No cable? No satellite TV? No rabbit ears picking up free over-the-air HD? Weirdo. But today “zero TVers” are becoming more commonplace. In 2007 the number of U.S. households with no TV was just over 2 million. Today it’s five million.  ***MARLAR: Of course, that might improve if TV networks could somehow figure out a way to create quality programming again.

 

A Mediterranean diet rich in fruits, vegetables, olive oil and a little wine can cut the risk of heart attacks and strokes by 30 percent, researchers reported in a study that shows the real-life benefits of a diet long encouraged by doctors.  The results were so startling that the study was cut short after less than five years, and the results rushed to publication in the New England Journal of Medicine.  Many studies have shown that people who eat a Mediterranean diet are less likely to die of heart disease.  ***MARLAR: I have a similar diet – rich in fruit-flavored rollups, vegetables and oil (in the form of french fries), and I like to whine.

 

Half the meat and poultry sold in the supermarket may be tainted with the staph germ, a new report suggests. The estimate is based on just 136 samples of beef, chicken, pork and turkey purchased from grocery stores in Chicago, Los Angeles, Washington, D.C., Flagstaff, Ariz. and Fort Lauderdale, Fla.  Proper cooking kills the germs, and federal health officials estimate staph accounts for less than 3 percent of foodborne illnesses, far less than more common bugs like salmonella and E. coli.  The new study found more than half the samples contained Staphylococcus aureus, a bacteria that can make people sick. Worse, half of those contaminated samples had a form of staph that’s resistant to at least three kinds of antibiotics.  ***MARLAR: Apparently someone is not teaching cows, chickens and pigs to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Night Falls”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kenn Kington, “Road Construction”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was never satisfied with a picnic place. After passing up several beautiful picnic spots, the jungle animals had enough – and Millard rallied the animals together to overthrow Gruffy! They tied him up, tossed him into the river, and then headed back to one of the picnic spots to have their picnic!

 

CLOSE: Well, this can’t bode well for the animals’ perfect picnic… but the story is not over yet! Tune in again next time to find out what happens, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 26/27, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, in order to find the ultimate picnic spot for the ultimate picnic, all of the jungle animals went out together to look. Picnic spot after picnic spot have been found – each one even nicer than the next, but it seems that no matter what they find, Gruffy Bear is just never satisfied with it!

 

CLOSE: Well it’s about time… I would’ve rebelled three picnic spots ago! But what’s going to happen to Gruffy? And what’s going to happen to the perfect picnic? Find out next time – As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

An IBM warning label makes it to today’s Moment of Duh!

The packaging for the IBM Compact Flash Microdrive declares on its packaging that it ”withstands a shock of 1500 G,” an enormous shock. But then, in that very same manual, it says: ”Warning-do not drop.”

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN ACTUAL (AND STRANGE) ROAD SIGNS

 

  1. Caution, water on road during rain.

 

  1. Beware of children (Sounds like a Stephen King novel)

 

  1. Stuff for sale here (Everybody needs more stuff)

 

  1. Moose parts available (Run, Bullwinkle, run!)

 

  1. Bridge Out. Open to all local traffic (Must be trying to reduce the local population)

 

  1. Speed limit – 55, 65, 75 (Take your pick and take your chances)

 

  1. Sherrill’s Eat Here & Get Gas (restaurant in Tipton, Indiana)

 

  1. Diesel Fried Chicken (Sign on gas station)

 

  1. Tattoo Charlies. . .done while you wait (What? I can’t just drop my arm off and come back after shopping?)

 

  1. Spay or neuter your best friend (Sign at Veterinary office)

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A thief in Germany was discovered when he fell asleep in a house he intended to steal from.

 

FILE #1: A 27-year-old thief broke into a house in Dortmund, Germany while the family who lived there were taking a vacation. But our would-be burglar fell asleep on a bed, and was discovered by a neighbor, who had come in to water the plants. The neighbor realized there had been a break-in, then heard snoring coming from an upstairs bedroom. The police woke the would-be burglar and took him away for questioning.

 

FILE #2: In Cedar Rapids, Iowa, a teenager pointed his BB pistol at the wrong car. The car stopped and the two undercover police officers inside pulled out their real .40-caliber Glock handguns.  They ordered 15-year-old Ryon Shelton to drop his gun.  Shelton said he was just “playing around” and trying to scare people during the Halloween night incident.

 

FILE #3: In Crestview, Florida, 48-year-old Donald Leon May entered an empty residence without permission and proceeded to take a shower. According to police reports, he entered the home through an unlocked back door. While in the shower, a boy–who thought his father was home– entered the bathroom and suddenly realized that wasn’t dad! May told the boy that President Obama let him in, and told the boy to leave. The boy went to a neighbor’s house to call the police. Police found May still in the house with nothing on but a towel wrapped around his waist. When questioned by police, May said, “The Yellow Brick Road brought him to Crestview.” So he was promptly arrested.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Utah, birds have the right of way on all highways.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A man goes boating and drinking at the same time… NOT a good combination!

Drinking and driving is not only stupid, it’s dangerous. There’s a reason there are laws against it. There are also laws against drinking and boating. And here’s a prime example as to why that’s a valid law. A man who’d been drinking heavily decided to take his friend’s boat out, but fell asleep at the helm. He took off in Denmark… but ended up in Norway! The boat had crossed the entire Skagerrak Sea.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Summer is just about over – are you sad to see it go, or are you excited for Fall to arrive? Why? Is there anything locally that you absolutely have to do do/attend before Summer disappears?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: There was a very rich man who was a disciple of Jesus. What was his name?
ANSWER: Joseph of Arimathea (Matthew 27)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: If you had a model Mark IV FM, what would you own?
ANSWER: You would own the atom bomb dropped on Nagasaki in 1945. The bomb was designated the Mark IV FM on its blueprints.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The planet Venus has the longest day in our solar system. (True)

 

  1. The first atomic bomb exploded at Trinity Site, in Nevada. (False – Trinity Site is in New Mexico.)

 

  1. All organic compounds contain carbon. (True)

 

  1. Three astronauts manned each Apollo flight. (True)

 

  1. Out of all the senses, taste is most closely linked to memory. (False – it’s smell.)

 

  1. There are eight stars in the Big Dipper. (False, it’s seven stars.)

 

  1. Dissolved salt makes up 3.5 percent of the oceans. (True)

 

  1. Glaciers store about 75% of the world’s freshwater. (True – in Washington State alone, glaciers provide 470 billion gallons of water each summer.)

 

  1. To an observer standing on Pluto, the sun would appear no brighter than our moon appears in our evening sky. (False – much smaller than that. The sun would probably appear more like what Venus looks like to us.)

 

  1. Traveling at the speed of 186,000 miles per second, light take 6 hours to travel from Pluto to the earth. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

STEVEN SEGAL ______ PUPPIES (SHOOTS)

ARIZONA – Steven Seagal whacked some puppies in his crimefighting reality show.

Jesus Sanchez Llovera claimed his puppies died during an early morning raid on his home by self-styled ‘Sheriff’ Seagal who was filming his reality show ’Steven Seagal: Lawman’.

Mr Llovera’s home in Arizona was set upon by volunteer officer Seagal and a local police chief as they believed he was running an illegal cockfighting ring.

Several of Llovera’s neighbors said that Seagal then came to their houses “looking for puppies to shoot.”

“He was out-of-control.  He wanted puppies and he wanted puppies dead,” said neighbor Junior Diaz.  “He tried to use Kung Fu on them or something.”

Apparently, some of the puppies fought back and one of them, Le Tigre, took Seagal to the mat and pinned him.

Robert Campus, Llovera’s attorney, believes the entire raid was staged to help actor Steven Seagal’s TV show, “Lawman.” Seagal was riding in the tank. The Sheriff’s Department has entered into a contract with Seagal and part of that contract gives Seagal carte blanche to go along with the sheriff as he arrests people.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.  Don O’Brian was called for his question session.

“Property holder?”

“Yes, I am, Your Honor.”

“Married or single?”

“Married for thirteen years, Your Honor.”

“Formed or expressed an opinion?”

“Not in thirteen years, Your Honor.”

 

JOKE #2

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn’t help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant.

“I’ll take care of it,” she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she’d solved the problem by turning off the lights.

A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, “Whatever you do, please don’t ask about the engines.”

 

JOKE #3

Joe and Joan were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio.

“There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared,” the weather report said. 
”You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.”

Joe said, “Okay,” and got up from his coffee.

The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, “There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. 
You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.”

Again Joe replied, “Darn… ” and got up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they’re sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, “There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the…” and the power went out and Joe didn’t get the rest of the instructions.

He turned to Joan, “Oh no, what am I going to do now, Joan? I don’t know which side of the street they need me to park on!”

Joan replied, “Aw, Joe, just leave the car in the garage today.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A survey by America Online found that the average American worker wastes over two hours a day.  ***MARLAR: Mostly by surfing the web on sites like America Online.

 

Researchers have found unexpectedly huge differences in the genetic makeup of individual human beings — meaning the so-called genetic map may be way off. ***MARLAR: Not that male scientists stopped to look at the map or ask for directions anyway.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

CHILDREN’S SERMON
During our church’s worship service, the pastor invites all the young children to join him near the altar for the “Children’s Moments Sermon.” One day, with seven small children in attendance, he spoke about the ingredients required to make up a church, using a chocolate-chip cookie as an example. He explained to the children that, as with a cookie requiring ingredients such as sugar and eggs, the church needed ingredients to make up the congregation. Holding a cookie aloft, he asked, “If I took the chocolate chips out of this cookie, what would I have?”
A shy six-year-old raised his hand.  “Six less grams of fat!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Bank robbers are kicking themselves right now for passing up what would’ve been the easiest bank robbery in history!

Shortly past midnight one Thursday in Argentina, an after-hours ATM user alerted police after finding the doors to the bank were left wide open. Police responded by surrounding the bank, suspecting a robbery was in progress. After an exhaustive search, police found no evidence that anyone entered the bank, and nothing was missing. The branch manager says that a bank employee replenishing cash to the ATM, prior to leaving work for the night, forgot to close the main door to the bank. The employee has been suspended.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

SOLD IT FOR SCRAP

I was watching television today and saw the Ford Taurus commercial. It was about a young boy that is involved in a car accident and calls home to tell his parents he was sorry about the damage to the car. The father told the boy not to worry about the car, as long as the boy was okay.

That commercial reminded me of my brother Eli. Eli was a drug addict back in 1980, and because he used the drugs in front of my kids (he wasn’t even supposed to have them in the house) I kicked him out and did not speak to him for 10 years.

In 1990, he ended up in jail for most of the year.  When he got out, he was clean and drug-free and returned to Georgia. I was leery of him coming back, especially around my children, but he was family and my mom asked me to at least be civil towards him. So I was.

Surprisingly, I introduced him to the missionaries from my church and, within two weeks, he became a member of my church. From that point on, he was the brother I remembered from my teen years.  He was honest, hard- working, and always thought about others.

Well, my dad owned a Gold Wing motorcycle that he cherished. One day, my brother needed a way to work and begged my dad to let him use the Gold Wing.  Reluctantly, my dad agreed. But he added the phrase: If you damage my motorcycle, you better not come back!

Eli never came back…

You see, on his way home from work that night, my brother was hit and killed by a motorist. The day after my brother died, my dad and I went to pick up the motorcycle from the police impound lot. We couldn’t believe our eyes. The motorcycle had received only a few minor scrapes.

That was when my dad said something that made me realize just how much he loved his children (he never said the words, I love you.) He said, “I would rather have my son back than this motorcycle.”

My dad sold that motorcycle for scrap two days after the funeral. He has not been on a motorcycle since.

That’s why I am so touched by the Ford Taurus commercial. That’s also why I have to tell everyone to forgive and forget. I didn’t speak to my brother for ten years, and then I was only allowed one year to make up for all the years I had missed.  He died exactly one year after joining my church. I never told him I forgive him.  I hope he knows that now.

–Kathy Grimes

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

“And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful”
–Col 3:15

“Be thankful.” Such a simple phrase, but what did Paul mean? Be thankful for what? To whom? Let’s think about it.

The first thing that comes to mind is to be thankful to God for giving us salvation through His Son, Jesus. That’s good. If it weren’t for that, our lives would really be meaningless. If there were no “eternity,” why would we spend so much time being “good?” Without salvation, what purpose would there be in living for anyone by yourself? We all know self-centered people. They tend to be miserable individuals — and no one really likes being around them. Yes, thank you Father that you have given us a reason to be “good.” Only in obeying your laws and accepting your free gift of grace through Jesus do we find “sanity.”

Next think about being thankful to others. Most of us know people who are good to us. Granted, some of us may have to search a little longer than others, but there are always those who love us and bless us with their goodness. How long has it been since you said “thank you?” Have you thanked your spouse lately? They give up a lot for you.

Have you thanked your parents, your children, your pastor(s), your teachers, your neighborhood policeman, your postman, your paper delivery person, the pizza delivery person, the cashier at the grocery store, the clerk at the bank? The list is endless.

Finally thank yourself. WHAT? Yes, thank yourself — for accepting salvation through Jesus — for marrying such a wonderful person — for your part in having such wonderful children. We need to develop a “thankful” spirit. One that will be gracious and kind in all circumstances — yes, even when you open that ugly tie that great aunt Paula gives you for Christmas. So what if it still has gravy stains on it from when uncle Paul was alive!

It’s the thought that counts. Be thankful in all things.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

HEADS UP

Teenagers in Bulgaria have come up with an unusual way of getting out of school. Getting head lice – intentionally.

Students have taken it upon themselves to create a head lice plague by infecting each other with the lice on purpose. They started it after they learned that infected students are required to stay home from school for three days. “This regulation, that was aimed at stopping head lice spreading, appears to have worked against us, especially when there are a lot of exams,” says an education spokesman.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

NINE THINGS TEACHERS WISH PARENTS KNEW

Parents, do you wonder what it takes to help your kids do their very best at school? Good Housekeeping went into classrooms at schools around the country and talked to the teachers who spend their days with your children. Here’s what they said about how you can help them help your kids:

1. Don’t be a stranger!
Talk to your child’s teacher early and often. Back-to-school night shouldn’t be the only time you connect, but it’s a great time to introduce yourself and find out the best way to contact her in the future. Then stay in touch with updates on how things are going at home, questions about your child and his work, or to schedule conferences to head off trouble (should you worry about that string of C’s?). Most teachers have e-mail at school, which is a great way to check in.

2. Learning doesn’t stop at 3:15.
You can help the teacher do a better job by encouraging your child to show you something he’s working on at school, suggests Ron Martucci, who teaches fourth grade in Pelham, New York. It doesn’t have to be a big deal: “Ask him to demonstrate how he does long division or to read his book report out loud,” says Martucci. “Every time your child gets a chance to show off what he knows, it builds confidence.”

3. Stay involved — even when you don’t know the material.
You can provide moral support and be your child’s cheerleader no matter how well (or poorly) you did in a certain subject. “Parents tell me they didn’t take trigonometry or flunked chemistry, so how can they check the homework?” says Tim Devine, a high school social science teacher in Chicago. “But we don’t expect you to be an expert on every subject.” Just knowing a parent is paying attention can be very motivating for a student.

4. Keep your child organized.
That means helping teachers with the paper chase. “I spend way too much time tracking down tests or forms I’ve sent home for a parent’s signature,” says Judy Powell, a fifth-grade teacher from Richmond, Virginia. Usually, the missing items are crumpled up in the bottom of the kid’s backpack, along with lunch leftovers and other clutter. Powell’s solution: Have your child empty his backpack every day as part of a regular after-school routine. Set up a special place, such as a box in the kitchen, where he can put the day’s papers, and provide another spot, such as a desk drawer, for old assignments that you want to save. A bright-colored folder is a good idea, too, for toting homework — and signed papers — to and from school. And about those supplies: Keep plenty on hand. “Kids run out of pencils and paper, and it’ll be three weeks before they’ll remember to tell you,” says Powell.

5. Let your child make mistakes.
Don’t forget, he’s learning. Teachers don’t want perfect students, they want students who try hard. “Sometimes parents get caught up in thinking every assignment has to be done exactly right, and they put too much pressure on their child,” says Brian Freeman, a second-grade teacher from Red Spring, North Carolina. “But it’s OK for kids to get some problems wrong. It’s important for us to see what students don’t know, so we can go over the material again.”
Is your child struggling with an assignment? Help him brainstorm possible solutions. If he’s still stuck, resist the temptation to write a note. Instead, encourage your child to take charge by asking the teacher for help the next day.
Hands off bigger assignments, too, says Marty Kaminsky, a fourth-grade teacher in Ithaca, New York. “I assigned a project on inventors, and several kids brought in amazingly detailed reports with slide-shows. They looked great, but they clearly weren’t the work of a nine-year-old,” he says. “I was much happier with the posters with the pictures glued on crooked, because I knew those children did the work themselves. What matters isn’t the final result; it’s letting a child have ownership of the project.”

6. Raise a good reader.
Even if your child isn’t a natural-born bookworm, you can encourage him to love literature. Keep reading together, even if your kid can breeze through a book on his own. Reading aloud can expand his vocabulary, and your chats about the book will help him understand and enjoy more. But you might want to shelve books that seem way over his head. It’s tempting to push literary limits, but the goal is understanding and enjoyment.
Use audiobooks as a tool to inspire love of reading. They aren’t “cheating;” they’re a terrific way to engage kids in a good yarn.  Check out bookadventure.com for more with books kids will enjoy.

7. If the teacher deserves a good grade, give her one.
Teaching isn’t easy, and there are days when a kid has a tantrum, or a teacher feels like crying because a parent speaks to her harshly. So why not e-mail or call when your child enjoys a class event or says something nice about the instructor? And if you feel the teacher is doing a good job, let the principal know. Volunteering is another way to demonstrate your enthusiasm and support, even if you only have time to help out once a year. It shows your child — and his teacher — that you really care about his education.

8. The teacher’s on your side — give her the benefit of the doubt.
Rachel James, a third-grade teacher in Reson, Florida, was having a terrible time with one of her students. For days, the boy had been disruptive, rolling his eyes and sighing dramatically whenever anyone spoke to him. Naturally, she had to reprimand him. “His mom called and accused me of picking on her son,” says James. “When I told her what was going on, she was shocked.” After the mom had calmed down, they worked out some ways to change the boy’s behavior. “A lot of parents go into attack mode when their child complains about a teacher,” says James. “Or they take the problem to the principal, so the teacher feels blindsided. But parents need to get all the facts before they react.”

9. There is a secret to better grades.
Set up a brief get-together with your child’s teacher(s) early in the school year. A one-on-one conversation is the perfect time to bring up important issues, like the fact that your child struggled in math last year or tended to hand in homework late. Also check in with the school district’s or teachers’ website in order to stay on top of your child’s assignments, grades, test dates and scores — and more. Find out what resources there are for you, and use them.  If your child is having a tough time in a particular class, don’t just swoop in and try to make things right. Encourage your child to meet with his teacher to resolve a problem on his own. If there’s issue between your child and a teacher, don’t automatically run to the principal behind the teacher’s back. Certain situations that involve your child’s safety do merit a meeting with the head of school, but otherwise, going over the teacher’s head signals a lack of respect. When you can’t agree on a solution, set up a meeting with the teacher and a school administrator, who can help work things out.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS

After a long run, what’s the first thing you want to do? Sit down? Have some water? How about smell your socks?

…that’s exactly what some University of California, Davis cross-country runners did after a 10-mile run. Before you think they are really weird, you should know they were doing research. The socks were developed to eliminate foot odor. The good news is they worked. The fabric’s inventor, UC Davis textile chemist Gang Sun, says the technology could have benefits far beyond sweeter-smelling locker rooms, including use as infection-fighting hospital scrubs and linens. ***MARLAR: When I was in college I used to smell dirty laundry… to see if I could get another day out of it.

 

 

FUN LIST

STOP YOUR WHINING!

Tired of your lady’s complaints? She’d have it much worse overseas.

The next time your woman busts out the following common relationship complaints, whip out this handy guide and remind her exactly how good she has it!

  • You never do any housework. — In rural Albania, men are forbidden from doing household chores because lifting a finger is seen as a sign of weakness. An Albanian lady’s “chores” can include strenuous labor, such as lugging enormous bales of hay from one paddock to another while her man stands around and smokes.
  • You’re scared of commitment. — Thanks to a cunning interpretation of an Islamic law, Syrian men can divorce their wives by muttering “I divorce you” three times. By contrast, a woman has to go to court, a process that can take up to five years. In that time, her husband may have already married several more wives.
  • You don’t support my career. — A 1996 Russian law restricts women from entering 400 professions “inconsistent with femininity.” Those industries include building, crane operation and working in tunnels. Women who had labored loyally without complaint during Soviet times found themselves jobless overnight.
  • You stifle my ambitions. — Acting “in the interests of the household,” Cameroon passed a law in June 1998 requiring women to obtain their husband’s permission before seeking a job in a trade other than his.
  • You never let me drive. — Before 1990, it was merely socially unacceptable for women to drive in Saudi Arabia. So fifty women protested the custom by taking a spin through the capital – and they were all detained and many of them lost their jobs. The Grand Mufti then outlawed lady driving altogether.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

MONEY WASTED

Do you belong to any clubs where you have to pay a certain amount each month to be involved?  You might want to reconsider – because in most cases you’re losing money by doing that!

Economists at Stanford and U.C.-Berkeley found that consumers waste a staggering amount of money every year on membership fees for things like credit cards, health clubs, video rentals and cell phone services because they think they’ll use them more than they do. They said in almost every case, it would have been much cheaper totake the pay-per-use option. For instance, out of 8,000 people who bought one-year memberships in a Boston gym, 80 percent went so infrequently, it would have been cheaper just to pay the $17 per workout fee.  ***MARLAR: That would’ve saved me a TON of money… that’d only cost me about $17 per year!

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

When Pope Francis tours the United States this week, the pontiff will enjoy a blend of coffee created in Kansas City. According to Fox News, Tracy Allen, a master coffee taster at the company Brewed Behavior, has been asked by the Vatican to make a special blend for Pope Francis’ visit to the U.S. Allen, a devout Catholic, says the Pope’s advance team has ordered 60 pounds of the special coffee blend.

http://fox4kc.com/2015/09/15/master-coffee-taster-from-kc-asked-to-make-special-blend-of-java-for-pope-francis/

 

On Sept. 11, 2001, 66 men and women who worked for the investment banking firm Sandler O’Neill & Partners on the 104th floor in the World Trade Center lost their lives. Following the terrorist attacks, the company made the decision to set up a foundation to pay college tuition for all the 76 children of their fallen colleagues. So far, 54 young men and women have had their college tuition paid, with 22 young men and women still eligible. The 54 who are attending or have attended college have gone to every sort of college imaginable — from Stanford to Notre Dame to community colleges and technical institutes.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/bank-that-lost-66-workers-on-911-has-paid-for-kids-college/

 

A teacher at a Texas university who banned his students from saying “God bless you” in the classroom, has received disapproval from students and the university. According to christianheadlines.com, The teacher, who was not identified, teaches at the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley. The teacher didn’t want his students using the phrase “God bless you” in his classroom and even wrote the prohibition into his syllabus which stated, “Please refrain from saying, ‘God bless you’ during the classes and exams.” In response, a number of students took issue with the teacher’s decision to ban the phrase after a photo of the syllabus went viral on the internet. The University also did not approve of the professor’s decision and had it taken out of his syllabus.

http://www.christianheadlines.com/blog/professor-receives-backlash-from-students-and-university-after-banning-phrase-god-bless-you.html?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=twpage&utm_campaign=chtweet

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

There’s a big ruckus going on in our front office. Something about the boss bringing in a fingerprint expert to examine the contents of the suggestion box.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

It Can’t Be This Hard

Today is September 21st. Peace Day. More on that in a moment. But to answer the famous question, “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer is no.
Take this recent story headline from Associated Press: “Burger King to McDonalds: Let’s make a McWhopper.” Full page ads in various newspapers carried the message. A one day truce it was called. For the betterment of mankind, of course.
Burger King was attempting to get a cooperative effort with the “Golden Arches” folk to build a unique combination of a Whopper and a Big Mac. But only for a day. Peace Day.
As the AP story goes, “Burger King is tying the publicity stunt to a nonprofit called Peace One Day, which says it promotes Peace Day. The United Nations created the International Day of Peace in 1981 to coincide with its annual opening session in September. It then designated September 21 as the annual ‘day of non-violence and cease-fire’ in 2001.”
Call it a noble act. Call it promotional gimmickry. Ronald McDonald is not interested in such peace efforts. Ronald may smile at the kids, but not at the competition. Their CEO Steve Easterbrook in responding with a “no way” message, belittled the effort of burger war peace compared to “the real pain and suffering of war.” He then added, “P.S., simple phone call will do next time.” Put that in your Whopper and chew on it for a while. C’mon, man!
Well, I’m in a different kind of battle with the fast food giants. One that pleads for simple, friendly customer service and the basics in operating a restaurant. Allow me to share several examples.
At the McDonald’s I frequently stop at on my way home when my wife is out, most employees give me no welcome greeting. When I pick up my food, no “thank you.” At the Wendy’s near my office, the ketchup containers have been empty twice during the lunch hours I visited. And they were out of napkins. Hello…it’s lunch time. At Culver’s drive through, my last three meals came with no napkins. And the latest: on Friday night, my wife had a hankering for KFC grilled chicken. It was during the dinner hours but none was available. They were cooking it. Instead of serving it.
One of my favorites on this list happened a week or so ago taking our granddaughter to IKEA. They served up chicken fingers which yearned for barbecue sauce. Except…there wasn’t any. Inquiring at the counter I was told they’ve been out for a few days. My problem solving went into gear and I suggested that since a Meijer grocery story was two blocks away, maybe they could simply go and buy some until their shipment arrived so as not to disappoint customers. The young woman thought that was a good idea.
Aside from the expected reaction that “Mark, fast food isn’t very good for you anyway” I wish to affirm two companies who seem to get it right the majority of the time. One is Chick Fil A. Their folks go out of their way to make sure I have what I need. And the tireless service motto that they own is, “My pleasure.”
The second high energy, high service minded company is In-N-Out Burger. Mainly located in California, they are a fan favorite and outperform their competitors in serving up burgers and fries. They also are the ones who imprint Bible verse references on their cups and fry containers.
And so it begs the question…how can these two companies do it right so consistently? I believe it is based on a passion for the customer. Yes, you have to have food that people enjoy. All of the fast food companies lay claim to that. But not all can lay claim to placing such emphasis on customer care.
For the record, my father managed several different Perkins restaurants during my growing up years. I worked in all but one. At peak times, customer care can be a real challenge. If it’s your mission, however, you finesse it as needed.
I believe most people want to be treated well. They enjoy being respected when spending their hard earned money for a meal. They respond to people who care.
Jesus of Nazareth advised us this way, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Luke 7:12 NASB)
Do this, Ronald McDonald, and everyone will enjoy a happy meal.
P.S.: My apologies to any franchise owners or managers who want their employees to serve better.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…

 

*Note: Sicario is now opening October 2.

 

Black Mass—Johnny Depp does another acting transformation and turns himself into the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger of South Boston, who was both an informant for the government and top man in the gangs. He is still in prison on two life sentences. Benedict Cumberbatch plays James’ brother, Bill, who was a university professor and lost his job because of this. Also in the cast for “Black Mass” is Joel Edgerton. “Black Mass” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials—Here comes another installment in “The Maze Runner” series and this time Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) is leading his group outside the Maze and into many, many problems. It is very hot weather now. Also in the cast are Kaya Scodelario, Ki Hong, Dexter Darden and Patricia Clarkson. “Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Everest—Based on a true incident in 1996 in which many climbers on Everest were caught in a sudden snowstorm and died in tragic conditions.  Even though you think you are prepared, the mountain still has something deadly up its sleeve. You can feel a chill just reading the title. The cast includes Jake Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke and Josh Brolin. “Everest” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Cooties—This is an out-of-the-usual-horror-film area in which bad food in the cafeteria makes kids zombie-like.  So….who stars in this film? Elijah Wood and Rainn Wilson. What does it? Casserole? Mac and cheese? “Cooties” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Captive—Based on the true story and book, “Unlikely Angel,” Kate Mara stars as Ashley Smith, who was taken captive by an escaped murderer and managed to talk him into giving himself up. Talk about faith. The criminal is played by actor David Oyelowo. “Captive” is rated R. Rating of 2.

 

SEPTEMBER 25, 2015…

 

The Intern has Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway as a boss and a trainee, but who is really the boss and who is the trainee?

 

99 Homes stars Andrew Garfield as a guy who evicts people from their homes.

 

Hotel Transylvania 2 continues the comic animated story of a vampire count, whose daughter has married a human and now they have a son.

 

Mississippi Grind is about two guys who gamble big on the Mississippi. Stars Ben Mendelson and Ryan Reynolds.

 

Stonewall from director Roland Emmerich concerns a young man moving to New York in the late 1960’s and getting involved in the Stonewall Riots.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.