September 23, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150923

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. And, by the way, tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.” — Colossians 3:23,24

 

Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit … Repent and live! –Ezekiel 18:31-32

 

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. — Romans 15:7

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD. — Leviticus 19:32

 

Thought: In an age where respect is little known and even less practiced, showing honor for those who are older is often overlooked. Yet in this place, by the LORD’s own word, showing respect for the elderly ranks right up there with reverencing God. But then we shouldn’t be surprised, since God made honoring parents the very first commandment (in the Ten Commandments — Exodus 20) directed at our relationship with others — the first four commandments were directed at our relationship with him!

 

Prayer: Holy and Eternal God, thank you for my parents in the flesh and in the faith. Please give those who have been my spiritual mentors a special blessing. Without their guidance, I’m not sure where I would have ended up. Help me as I grow older to not only mature, but to also gain the character that will be needed by those whom you have placed before me to influence. May we, young and old alike, restore dignity and respect to our relationships before you in our generation. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Luke 9:23 NIV = Then he said to them all: “If any would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 93 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NEPTUNE DAY, marking discovery of the planet on this date in 1846. Neptune is four times larger than Earth and one year on Neptune is equal to 165 Earth years.  ***MARLAR: That means that on Neptune a four hour long morning show on the radio would actually take 660 hours… that’s 27.5 days!

 

Today is MINIATURE GOLF DAY.  ***MARLAR: The only kind of golf where I don’t feel the need to rap my club around the throat of anyone near me.

 

Today is THROW SOMETHING AWAY DAY.  ***MARLAR: And as a public service, I’ve thrown away my joke book.  Trust me, it needed to be done.

 

Today is INNERGIZE DAY, a day to set time aside for yourself to do anything you want to do. ***MARLAR: But what if I want to stay home and not go to work today?  Is that an option?  Apparently not… too late now…

 

Today is DO IMPRESSIONS OF FAMOUS PEOPLE AROUND THE OFFICE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Just remember, a little Elvis goes a long way.

 

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Checkers Day (Dogs in Politics Day)

Mabon

Fall (Autumn) Equinox (4:21am)

National Rehabilitation Day

Restless Legs Awareness Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24

Innergize Day

National Ag Day

Punctuation Day

Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25

Bright Pink Lipstick Day

Math Story Telling Day

National One-Hit Wonder Day

National Psychotherapy Day

Vegan Baking Day

Ataxia Awareness Day

World Pharmacists Day

Hug a Vegetarian Day

Love Note Day

Save The Koala Day

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

Batman Day

Johnny Appleseed Day

Shamu The Whale Day

Family Health and Fitness Day USA

Fish Amnesty Day

International Lace Day

International Rabbit Day

Kids Day (Kiwanis Clubs)

National Hunting and Fishing Day

National Museum Day

National Public Lands Day

R.E.A.D. In America Day

Support Purple for Platelets Day

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27

Ancestor Appreciation Day

Gold Star Mother’s Day

Google’s Birthday

World Tourism Day

 

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 28

Family Day – Be Involved, Stay Involved

Fish Tank Floorshow Night

National Drink Beer Day

National Good Neighbor Day

International Right to Know Day

World Heart Day

World Rabies Day

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29

MAGS Day

Mutation Day

National Biscotti Day

National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birth Day

International Coffee Day

VFW Day

 

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30

Ask a Stupid Question Day

Banned Websites Awareness Day

Blasphemy Day

International Translation Day

National Mulled Cider Day

National Women’s Health & Fitness Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1779: John Paul Jones declared “I have not yet begun to fight!” aboard the American warship Bonhomme Richard in the battle against the British man-of-war Serapis.

 

1806: After a three-year journey to the Pacific Northwest, the Lewis and Clark expedition returned to St. Lewis.

 

1846: German astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the planet Neptune.

 

1912: Canadian film maker Max Sennett released the first of his Keystone Comedies in New York City. It was financed by two of his bookie friends.

 

1939: Dr. Sigmund Freud, father of psychoanalysis, died in London at age 83. He had undergone 31 operations to remove malignant tumors from his mouth, caused by heavy cigar-smoking.

 

1946: In the fastest knockout in boxing history, Al Couture landed one blow on Ralph Walton’s chin in Lewiston, Maine. Total time, including the ten-count: 11 seconds.

 

1952: Vice presidential candidate Richard Nixon delivered his “Checkers speech” rebutting charges of improper campaign financing.

 

1969: “Marcus Welby M.D.” debuted on ABC-TV. It starred Robert Young, James Brolin, and Elena Verdugo. (

)

 

1980: George Adrian of Indianapolis set a world record by picking 365.5 bushels of apples in eight hours. That’s 15,830 pounds.

 

1986: Congress designated the rose as America’s national flower.

 

1992: The TV sitcom “Mad About You,” starring Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt, debuted on NBC. (

)

 

1996: A Cheektowaga, New York, Australian Shepherd named Melbourne became spokesdog for Pasta Plus Pet Foods in a contest with 150 other dogs. Melbourne won because he could bark the word “pasta” on command.

 

2002: A pair of would-be burglars picked the wrong home to visit when they allegedly broke into the residence of a Dallas police officer. One suspect was shot in the leg trying to flee the scene and both men were arrested.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1595: Led by Fray Juan de Silva, the Spanish begin an intensive missionary campaign in the American southeast. In the following two years, 1,500 Native Americans in the area of Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina convert to the Catholic faith.

 

1857: Layman-turned-evangelist Jeremiah C. Lanphier holds a lunchtime prayer meeting for businessmen on Fulton Street in New York City. At first, no one shows up, but by the program’s third week, the 40 participants requested daily meetings. Other cities begin similar programs, and a revival—sometimes called “The Third Great Awakening”—catches fire across America.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Rush Hour, A Single Woman, voice Mirage in The Incredibles) Elizabeth Pena 54
  • actor (“Seinfeld”, Shallow Hal) Jason Alexander 56 (
    )
  • Actor (The Terminal, I Robot) Chi McBride, 57
  • actress (Julie & Julia, “Big Love”, The Big Chill) Mary Kay Place 68

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1926 : John Coltrane

1930 : Ray Charles

1935 : Les McCann

1938 : Ben E. King

1939 : Roy Buchanan

1943 : John Banks (The Merseybeats)

1943 : Steve Boone (The Lovin’ Spoonful)

1943 : Julio Iglesias

1945 : Paul Petersen

1945 : Ron Bushy (Iron Butterfly)

1947 : Jerry Corbetta (Sugarloaf)

1947 : Neal Smith (Alice Cooper)

1947 : Don Grolnick

1949 : Bruce Springsteen

1959 : Lita Ford

1970 : Ani DiFranco

1972 : Jermaine Dupri

1979 : Erik-Michael Estrada (O-Town)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do a series of X’s at the end of a letter – “XX” – stand for kisses?

X was the kiss of death for me in school. It appeared often, in a shameful shade of red, on my short-answer exams, informing me that I was wrong yet again. X is emblazoned on my memory as a scarlet letter, a reminder of my errant ways. But I realize that for many people X just signifies kissy-kissy. How did they come by this peculiar notion? Most people in the Middle Ages were illiterate and signed documents with an “X.” Because of its cross-like appearance, people often kissed the X, as one might kiss a Bible, to show that their signature was solemn and sincere. That’s how X’s got to mean kisses.  ***MARLAR: Related to illiteracy; how do you like that! My relationship to the letter X was in the mainstream all along!

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Jason Gray was trying a homemade remedy for a pimple. He said: a friend told me that if you put a Band-Aid soaked in Apple cider vinegar on a zit overnight, it would go away by morning. We’ll see… Meanwhile, have you ever smelled apple cider vinegar? It smells like stinky feet…

 

Britt Nicole no one can resist a pumpkin spice latte and her young daughter is no exception. She tweeted: I turn around and Ella is drinking my latte.

 

The front man of the Canadian born band Hawk Nelson says he is going back to a Canadian phone number. Jon Steingard tweeted you can reach me by dialing three penguins and then four snow men.

 

Melanie Hall says there is never a dull moment in the Hall household. The wife of Casting Crowns’ front man Mark Hall gave a rundown of one recent day. It included tour prep, pre-Calculus  Spelling, conflict resolution, Bible study, grammar, advanced biology, arithmetic, and more.

 

Ernie Haase & Signature Sound have announced their newest member. According to the Dove Awards web site, Tyler Vestal has joined the group. He will be playing key board along side Wayne Haun on the piano. http://t.co/ZzVCAk04og

 

Jamie Grace is already planning the music for her wedding. She shared over the weekend that one of her favorite Steven Curtis Chapman songs is the song Only One and Only You. She said Steven Curtis has promised to sing the song at her wedding. Of course, first she needs to meet her future husband, get engaged, etc. But at least she has one song ready to go.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Man who says ‘evil twin’ robbed stores gets over 60 years
ALLENTOWN, Pa. (AP) — A man who claimed at trial that his “evil twin” robbed 10 gas stations, convenience and beer stores in eastern Pennsylvania must spend at least 60 years in prison. HASH(0x140ebf0) A jury last month convicted Felton in the 10 robberies in the Lehigh Valley, all of which…

 

Father, son use net to capture exotic bird in New Hampshire
BOW, N.H. (AP) — An emu that had been loose and wandering around New Hampshire for more than a week has been caught. Maria Colby, a bird specialist who operates Wings of the Dawn Wildlife Sanctuary in Henniker, says a father and son captured the large, flightless bird in Bow Sunday afternoon….
Police: Robber tells pizza clerk he’s having a ‘bad day’
HIBBS, Pa. (AP) — Police are searching for a shotgun-wielding robber who told a Pennsylvania pizza shop clerk he was having a “bad day.” State police say the man entered Fox’s Pizza in Hibbs at about 8:15 p.m. Friday carrying the gun and a camouflage bag. Police say the man demanded cash and…
Hawaii man bit by shark swims to shore, posts video online
HONOLULU (AP) — A Hawaii spear fisherman who was bit in the leg by a tiger shark off the coast of the Big Island swam to shore and then filmed a video of his deep wound as he was being carried away on a gurney. “I just got attacked by a tiger shark,” an exasperated Braxton Rocha, 27, of…
No votes cast in small-town Iowa school board race
MCINTIRE, Iowa (AP) — An Iowa farmer who was running unopposed for his local school board failed to earn any votes — not even his own — but he’ll probably still get the job. Randy Richardson, 42, didn’t find time to vote for himself between his full-time maintenance job at a bean…
Murder suspect, trial witness mistakenly put in same cell
LIMA, Ohio (AP) — A jailed murder suspect and another inmate who was about to testify against him got into a fight in a holding cell after a guard mistakenly put the two together, officials said. The men weren’t handcuffed when the guard put them in a cell during a break in the trial this…
Police: Masked man in Elvis wig robbed winery tasting room
GROVER BEACH, Calif. (AP) — Grover Beach police are searching for a man accused of robbing the Monarch Grover Winery tasting room while wearing a mask and an Elvis wig. HASH(0x13f8600) Police say the robber wore an old man mask and a wig. He was last seen walking south on Highway 1. ___
Man returns stolen phone 4 days later with note of apology
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — A man who stole a cellphone from a business returned it four days later with a letter of apology, but police are not willing to forgive and forget. Surveillance video captured the man taking the phone from Butch’s Welding in Trenton on Sept. 11. The security system also…
Pope Francis’ visit to bring ‘AMOR’ to City of Brother Love    photo
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Pope Francis’ visit to Philadelphia is bringing an extra dose of love. Make that amor. A bilingual version of Maine-based pop artist Robert Indiana’s “LOVE” sculpture with the leaning letter O is going on display next week outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, near where…
Captive snake with no male companion gives birth – again    photo
ST. LOUIS (AP) — For the second time in two years, a captive snake in southeast Missouri has given birth without any interaction with a member of the opposite sex. Officials at the Missouri Department of Conservation’s Cape Girardeau Conservation Nature Center say a female yellow-bellied…
Bee stings, research that makes you go ‘huh?’ win Ig Nobels    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Cornell University graduate student who allowed honeybees to sting him in 25 places and a group of scientists who concluded it’s possible for one man to father 888 children are among the winners of this year’s Ig Nobels, which honor humorous scientific achievement. Michael…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

State obesity rates hold steady; 30 pct or more in 22 states
NEW YORK (AP) — New government data shows that in most states, the rate of adult obesity is not moving. Results from a telephone survey show obesity rates stayed about the same in 45 states last year. There were small increases in Kansas, Minnesota, New Mexico, Ohio and Utah. Some experts…

 

FDA experts to review safety of Essure birth control implant    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal medical experts will take a closer look at a host of problems reported with the birth control implant called Essure, including chronic pain, bleeding, headaches and allergic reactions. The Food and Drug Administration on Monday posted a 90-page review of Essure…
AP Investigation: Bungling by UN agency hurt Ebola response    photo
KENEMA, Sierra Leone (AP) — Something didn’t smell right. As a worker at Kenema Government Hospital mixed a batch of chlorine on a broiling August day, he noticed it didn’t have its typically strong, bleach-like odor. Concerned, he turned to a consultant with the World Health Organization,…
Some Minnesota marijuana patients opting to buy illegally    photo
ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) — Just two months after Minnesota launched its medical marijuana program, some patients turned off by high costs say they are back to buying the drug illegally because it’s the only way they can afford it. State officials and the companies hired to make marijuana products…
Clinton seeking to curb rising costs of prescription drugs    photo
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Hillary Rodham Clinton is laying out a new plan to rein in the rising cost of prescription drugs, seeking to build upon President Barack Obama’s health care law. The Democratic presidential candidate’s proposal aims to cap monthly and annual out-of-pocket costs for…
Another food fight? Congress mulls school meal standards
WASHINGTON (AP) — Add another item to lawmakers’ busy fall agenda: Congress must decide whether to do battle again with first lady Michelle Obama over school lunches with more whole grains and less salt. Last year, school food rules pitted Mrs. Obama against House Republicans seeking…
Clinton says she won’t let GOP ‘tear up’ health care law    photo
BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) — Hillary Rodham Clinton on Monday hailed President Barack Obama’s health care law for reducing the rate of uninsured Americans and vowed to defend it against Republican opposition if she wins the White House. The Democratic presidential candidate kicked off a series of…
Tests on brains of former NFL players continue CTE trend    photo
Researchers studying a degenerative disease in former athletes say 11 of 12 brains of deceased former NFL players tested over the past year showed signs of chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE, continuing a trend they’ve been tracking. A story posted on PBS.org on Friday reported that a total…
Communities making efforts to become ‘dementia friendly’
WATERTOWN, Wis. (AP) — Shirley Strysick sometimes forgets she’s met someone two hours prior or that she’s no longer a nurse. So the 90-year-old is living in a nursing home in Watertown, about 50 miles west of Milwaukee. And lucky for her it’s in a city trying to make life easier for those…
US officials to stop screening Liberian passengers for Ebola
NEW YORK (AP) — Travelers entering the U.S. from Liberia will no longer be screened for Ebola. U.S. officials said Friday that the screening will end Monday for passengers from Liberia. But the screening and monitoring will continue for travelers from Guinea and Sierra Leone. The screening of…
Novel plan to curb drug costs seeks candidates’ attention
WASHINGTON (AP) — Consumer-friendly ratings of the benefits of new drugs. Limits on what patients pay. Requiring drug companies to disclose how much they actually spend on research. With the public concerned about the high cost of new medications, these are some of the proposals offered…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A Pennsylvania woman woke up one morning recently to find an intruder taking a shower and doing his laundry at her home. Among other charges, the 24-year-old man was arrested for public intoxication.  ***This is ludicrous.  Doing laundry while drunk?  How could he possibly have done a good job ironing?

 

Someone in Gastonia, North Carolina is covering themselves in a cloak and leaving raw meat at playgrounds.  ***Someone has obviously not figured out the proper way to MEET (MEAT) someone.

 

Scientists researching brain disorders have genetically modified mice to be super-intelligent.  *** Unfortunately, two of the white mice now keep plotting very night to try and take over the world.

 

After nine months of pregnancy — and its many discomforts — expectant moms are often willing to try anything to encourage their little ones to arrive. But few old wives’ tales can claim the success that one tasty dish being served down South does. According to Yahoo foods, Since 1980, Scalini’s Italian Restaurant in Cobb County, Georgia, has been cooking up a recipe for eggplant parmigiana that owners say brings on labor within 48 hours for hundreds of pregnant patrons per year. Myriad online testimonials, along with the photos of hundreds of babies hung inside of the restaurant’s dining room, contribute to the dish’s lore. In fact, Sometimes the action starts before customers even reach dessert.  ***See, this is why I never eat eggplant parmigiana.  I definitely do NOT want to give birth!  (The restaurant is making the recipe available online. http://ow.ly/RbULr)

 

Americans need to relax. Over 40% of people in the U.S. say they are not doing enough to manage their stress, and the consequences of that could lead to all sorts of health-related problems. A recent study published in the journal Neuron showed people who are stressed have more difficulty with self-control and are more likely to choose to eat unhealthy food. According to the Time report stress also affects your breathing, heart, liver, muscles, and stomach.  ***So I eat a whole bag of Cheetos in one sitting because I’m feeling stressed?  But… if you take away my Cheetos, that makes me feel stressed!

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Autumn is officially here, so it’s only fitting that Pumpkin spice Oreos are making their debut this week. ***MARLAR: The tough part is carving the eyes and mouth and getting the candle in to make the cookie glow.

 

In case you hadn’t heard, this is Climate Change Week, and it’s not too late to celebrate.  You still have time to put up your climate change tree, shop for green gifts, and to have your children write a letter to Al Gore to say they were good this year and that they deserve global warming gifts.

 

It’s flu-shot season already, and authorities are urging nearly everyone to get vaccinated, except those under 6 months of age. There is even a new high-dose version for people 65 or older.  ***MARLAR: You’ll want to stand in line early though, as each location will have a new ObamaCare death panel to determine whether your life is worth protecting.

 

Two British university professors announced that their study of 80,000 I.Q. tests and 20,000 students shows that on average, men are five I.Q. points smarter than women.  ***MARLAR: Which is obviously incorrect, because if men were truly that smart they would NEVER have stated it within earshot of women.  (British university professors obviously don’t date much.)

 

“Chill out” isn’t just a slang term — it’s also now a scientific suggestion to cure stress. Researchers in Germany say sitting in a freezer can relieve tension. Tests showed that spending three minutes in a freezing room makes stress levels plummet. Scientists say sub-zero temperatures increase the brain’s serotonin levels, making their freezing volunteers feel much calmer.  ***MARLAR: But they get stressed out all over again when they find out they have contracted pneumonia.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Third Hand Second Hand”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Steve Geyer, “Modern Cars”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!   When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was tied up, gagged, and tossed into the river by the animals, led by Millard the Monkey, because Gruffy refused to settle on a picnic spot. But it wasn’t long before Millard was treated the same way by Sully the Aardvark… but now Sully’s floating down the river!

 

CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 26/27, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, in order to find the ultimate picnic spot for the ultimate picnic, all of the jungle animals went out together to look. Picnic spot after picnic spot have been found – each one even nicer than the next, but it seems that no matter what they find, Gruffy Bear is just never satisfied with it!

 

CLOSE: Well it’s about time… I would’ve rebelled three picnic spots ago! But what’s going to happen to Gruffy? And what’s going to happen to the perfect picnic? Find out next time – As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Some folks find out that boating is a bit more difficult than they thought.

Recently, on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.  No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat, going.  It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied.  After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong.  A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.  The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch.  So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.  He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.  Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO DO WITH SOCKS

 

  1. Create a shrine to “Lamb Chop”!

 

  1. Wear them on your hands, instead of mitts. Then, claim that you’ve just returned from Paris and it’s definitely the LATEST!

 

  1. Follow one to see if it will lead you to the single sock burial ground!

 

  1. Make a “Stress Sock” by filling one with mashed potatoes. Then, whenever you’re a bit stressed, simply squeeze to your hearts content. NOTE — (1) Make sure you tie the open end, first! (2) please replace the potatoes frequently!

 

  1. Start a puppet ministry in your church!

 

  1. Attach an elastic to one and wear it over your nose and mouth claiming it’s the only way to beat this new chicken flu!

 

  1. Any time you meet someone new, pull a sock out of your pocket and put it on your hand before shaking!

 

  1. Velcro one to your shoulder and dare people to knock it off!

 

  1. Have the church address printed on them. Then, hand them out, one at a time, as you’re visiting in the community. Tell people that they’ll get the other sock if they come to the service this week!

 

  1. Put one in your mouth upon entering an elevator and tell everyone as loudly as you can that someone just socked you in the mouth!

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

 

Police use a homemade lie detector to trap a not-so-brilliant criminal!

 

FILE #1: This has got to be one of my favorite Law & Disorder stories of all time… period. Some cops in Portugal were pretty sure the man they were interrogating was guilty, so they hooked him up to a homemade lie-detector. They put a metal spaghetti strainer on the man’s head with wires that lead to a copy machine. On the copier there was a piece of paper that said “He’s lying.” Every time they asked the guy a question about the crime, a cop pushed the copy button and out popped a sheet of paper that said “He’s lying.” Amazed by the cop’s accurate lie detector, the criminal broke down and confessed to three robberies.

 

FILE #2: A Monroe County, Indiana man was arrested after a 10 minute shootout with police, after he got a bullet in his stomach. He said it was really nothing at all; he was just a bit touchy because he was frustrated over being constipated.

 

FILE #3: Evan Warner entered a store carrying a shotgun and wearing a long coat and a ski mask. After threatening the clerk he was given the cash from the register, about $100. As he turned to leave, the clerk grabbed the barrel of the shotgun and pulled it away. He also ripped the mask and the coat from our dumb criminal who then ran off. Even though the cops had a good description of the culprit they didn’t have any leads as to just who he was…until he called the sheriff’s office to report his shotgun as stolen. He’s been arrested.

 

STRANGE LAW: Salem, Oregon has barred women’s wrestling.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Asking a police officer for directions is one thing.  Asking him where you can buy illegal drugs is DUMB!

Police in West Fargo, North Dakota say that 20-year-old Grace Sium called them Saturday morning and asked where she could buy marijuana. The dispatcher told her the drug is illegal, but she persisted. So, the dispatcher told her they had some in a locker. Yes, she did actually show up at the police station and attempted to purchase the pot for $3. It bought her a jail cell.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Anyone do an impression of a famous person? Call in and let us guess who you’re doing the voice of!

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Miriam and Aaron were upset with Moses because he married a woman who was an _________?
ANSWER: Ethiopian (Numbers 12)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What was the first hurricane given a male name?
ANSWER: “Bob,” in July 1979.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. According to math experts, a deck of playing cards must be shuffled at least seven times to adequately randomize the cards. (TRUE)

 

  1. The invention that made Alfred Nobel, benefactor of the Nobel Prizes, so wealthy was chewing gum. (FALSE: it was Dynamite)

 

  1. The waterbed was invented by the ancient Chinese. (FALSE: it was invented in 1832 by Scottish surgeon Neil Arnott as a way of improving patients’ comfort.)

 

  1. Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone to help his wife. (TRUE: His wife was deaf, so was his mother. He was originally an instructor for deaf children)

 

  1. Clara Peller made the catch-phrase “Gag Me With a Spoon” popular in the 1980s. (FALSE: Clara Peller appeared in commercials for Wendy’s and made the phrase “Where’s the beef?” popular.)

 

  1. The loose skin hanging from the neck of a chicken is known as a “Wattle”. (TRUE: That’s wattle with two “T”s. Waddle with two “D”s is the way a duck walks!)

 

  1. Over half the cost of every bottle of beer sold in America goes to state and federal taxes. (FALSE: but it’s still high at 43%)

 

  1. It takes a lobster seven years to grow to be one pound! (TRUE: No wonder they’re so expensive!)

 

  1. Most people in China don’t eat cheese. (TRUE: it’s just not a big thing over there)

 

  1. In the classic arcade video game PacMan, logs floating in a river sometimes mysteriously turned into hungry alligators. (FALSE: That’s a description of Frogger)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

AMERICANS HEAD TO MEXICO FOR ________ (JOBS)

MEXICO CITY –  Americans, in the hundreds of thousands, are crossing the border into Mexico -looking for work.

There were ZERO jobs created in the United States last week.  Unemployment remains over 9.1% and if you consider all the Americans that have stopped looking for work, the number is closer to 20%.

The answer for a large group of Americans:   Mexico.

The Mexican economy is booming.  Many of  the illegal immigrants that  have come to the United States have turned around and headed back to Mexico.  Yes, there are drug cartels killing citizens, police officers and government officials, but there are jobs there and Americans are willing to take the risk.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

The old cowboy was dying and his young grandson was visiting at his bedside. “Grandpapa, can you tell me one thing?”

“You’re my grandson, of course I’ll tell you anything. What do you want to know?” said the old cowboy.

“Grandpapa, how did you live so long?”

“Well, son,” the cowboy said in a dry raspy voice, from too many hard winters in the Texas panhandle, “You just sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning and you’ll live for a long, long time.”

The young man faithfully did what his Grandpapa told him and he lived to be 93, had 14 kids, 28 grand kids, 53 great grand kids and blew the doors off the oven when they tried to cremate him.

 

 

JOKE #2

Two older women who were rivals in a social circle met at a party.

“My dear,” said the first woman “Are those real pearls?”

“They are,” replied the second woman.

“Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them,” smiled the first woman.

The second responded “Yes, but for that you would need real teeth.”

 

 

JOKE #3

Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream Parlor, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn’t there, if he can buy her an ice cream cone.

The owner, who is used to the weird, local university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet.

But when Valentine’s Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, “I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool, man. Why do you persist in talking to empty space?”

The mathematician replies, “Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there.”

The owner raises his eyebrows. “Really? Interesting. But couldn’t you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a cone? You never know … she might say yes.”

The mathematician laughs. “Yeah, right. How likely is THAT to happen?”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

In Russia some dogs have been trained to discover iron ore by smelling it.  ***MARLAR: And they always seem to find it under the tails of other dogs.

 

Men in their 40s and 50s who eat seven or more eggs a week have a higher risk of dying earlier, according to a 20-year study of male physicians by researchers at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and Harvard Medical School. It gets worse. Men who have diabetes and eat any eggs at all raise their risk of an early death.  ***MARLAR: Does that include Cadbury’s?

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

Little Sister
Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they’d have to move. “It’s no use.” Robbie said, “She’s crawling good now and she’d probably just follow us.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

BUG OFF

A radio station has found a way to keep mosquitoes away… by using your radio!

A radio station in Vienna is broadcasting something that can’t be heard. Sure, they’re still playing the music and everything, but they’re also broadcasting a very high frequency that we cannot hear. Why? Because mosquitoes can hear the signal… and they don’t like it! Energy 104.2 in Vienna has added the anti-mosquito sound to its airwaves as a public service for its listeners. ***MARLAR: We’re doing something similar here on this station – trying to find a sound that repels door-to-door salesmen.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE ROOM (author unknown)
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I have Liked”. I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t possibly match.
A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I have Betrayed”. The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read”, “Lies I Have Told”, “Comfort I Have Given”, “Jokes I Have Laughed at”. Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brother”. Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger”, “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at my Parents/ My Boss”.
I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked “Song I Have Heard”, I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts”, I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me.
One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t mattered now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With”. the handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried.
I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.
I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.
“No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, No, ” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards.
I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.”
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

LIVING WITH GRACE

Read: 1 Peter 5:5-11

Be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” —1 Peter 5:5

Kevin Rogers, pastor of a church in Canada, has likened the grace of God to an imaginary secretary who compels him to treat other people as God does. Rogers writes: “Grace is my secretary, but she won’t let me obey my Day-Timer. She lets the strangest people into my workspace to interrupt me. Somehow she lets calls get through that I would prefer to leave for a more convenient time. Doesn’t Grace know that I have an agenda? Some days I wish that Grace weren’t here. But Grace has an amazing way of covering my mistakes and turning the office into a holy place. Grace finds good in everything, even failures.”
By God’s grace—His unmerited love and favor—we have been forgiven in Christ. God tells us that instead of relating to others from a position of superiority, we must put others ahead of ourselves. We should wear the clothes of humility because He “resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5).
When “the God of all grace” (v.10) controls our lives, He can transform interruptions into opportunities, mistakes into successes, pride into humility, and suffering into strength. That’s the amazing power of God. That’s the evidence of His grace! —David McCasland

 

THINKING IT THROUGH
How have you seen grace at work in your life lately?
In what areas of life do you see a need for grace?
To whom can you demonstrate God’s grace today?

 

When you know God’s grace, you’ll want to show God’s grace.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

You can buy just about anything on eBay nowadays… even a fire truck!

The Mount Penn Fire Company in Pennsylvania turned to eBay to buy a fire truck. The fire company solicited bids for a new ladder truck and got one quote for $808,000. They decided that was too much, so firefighter David Schwoyer turned to the Internet and found a 1992 Seagrave ladder truck being sold by the Cincinnati fire department. The Mount Penn firefighters had to sweat out waiting to see if they had won the auction, which they did on a bid of $12,000. The truck needed a new motor and a full renovation, but officials say when it’s finished in January, they’ll have a like-new machine for less than $250,000. ***MARLAR: Now that’s a hot bargain!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

TOP TEN FOODS YOU SHOULD NEVER EAT ON A FIRST DATE

(from The Hot Dish)

 

A first date can be a nightmare of anxiety. You want to make a good impression, so you agonize over what to wear, or you rehearse intelligent things to say. So for goodness sake don’t ruin it all by ordering some foolish food at dinner that is likely to make you a source of comedy or embarrassment for the rest of the night. What are these danger foods, you ask?  We’ve helpfully compiled a list of the Top 10 foods that any sensible person should avoid when dining with a new companion. And don’t let the title of this post fool you. These rules are in force for every meal until you and your partner get married, and they apply just as much to business meetings.

 

  1. Spaghetti: Yes, we all saw Lady and the Tramp, but that was a cartoon and they were dogs. In the real world, spaghetti is a romantic deal killer. There’s nothing remotely sexy about watching you Hoover up wayward strands of pasta or listening to the constant screech of your fork against spoon or plate. And by the end of the meal, that hot outfit you’re wearing is guaranteed to be splattered with flecks of tomato-basil sauce. You still want pasta? Order the ravioli.

 

  1. Soup: No matter how delicious, it’s a dating disaster. Like spaghetti, it’s impossible to eat gracefully: the slurping, the backsplash. Goodness gracious, if you want to make a fool of yourself just stick the flatware up your nose and be done with it. When your server asks, “Soup or salad?” the answer is salad. Always.

 

  1. Veal: There’s nothing difficult or embarrassing about eating veal. The problem is it’s made from calves raised in crates the size of a shoebox. Depending on the politics of your date, ordering that osso buco is basically like saying, “I believe in torturing baby farm animals.” It’s a conversation starter, sure. But not a conversation you want to have.

 

  1. Garlic: Here’s a surefire way to guarantee your date ends in a handshake instead of a kiss… order the garlic shrimp. Or the garlic bread. Or the pizza with garlic. Ain’t no amount of furtive breath mints gonna mask your stanky breath. Not tonight, and probably not till Tuesday.

 

  1. Watermelon, corn on the cob: Admittedly these don’t come up much on first dates. But if you’re getting together at a picnic or a friend’s backyard barbecue, better keep these off the list. In the history of the world no one has eaten a watermelon without looking like a slobbering goof. And if you’re looking to impress a date, avoid food that requires you to slide your face across a buttered surface and is guaranteed to lodge kernels so deep into your teeth you can’t remove them with hydraulic tools.

 

  1. Ice cream cone: A refreshing little cone of Double Chocolate Oreo Mint might seem adorably romantic on a summer day, but it’s a disastrous idea for three reasons. First, your date will be judging you from the get-go (Does plain strawberry mean she’s too conservative? Does bubble gum prove he’s immature?). Second, the minute you step outside, the laws of thermodynamics become your enemy, and your rapidly melting Raspberry Mocha Swirl turns you into a frantically licking moron. Which brings us to reason three: On any first date, avoid foods you have to lick. No guy needs that kind of pressure. No woman wants that kind of attention.

 

  1. Spinach dip, tabbouleh, pesto sauce: You say you’ve climbed the highest peaks on five continents? You recently returned from rebuilding Haiti? You just sold the film rights to your novel? Doesn’t matter. You have a little green leaf stuck between your teeth. You’re a doofus.

 

  1. Burgers: First of all, on a first date, never order food you eat with your hands. Hamburgers are messy. After three bites your arms are covered in a revolting slime of mayo, grease, and special sauce, and your tomato is hanging precariously from the back of your bun. If you’re lucky it will land on your plate. Second of all–burgers? Really? Why don’t you just announce to your date: “I am not a provider.”

 

  1. Barbecue, chicken wings, fried chicken: What did we just say? No hands food! You may love a good plate of ribs or buffalo wings, but by the time you’re finished you’ll look like a 3-year-old in a high chair. You could try using a knife and fork, but then you’ll just look like a priss. No. Heck no.

 

  1. Mexican, Indian, Szechuan, Thai food: What? This is nuts, you say. Whole categories of dining off-limits? But think for a minute: What do all these foods have in common? Spice. And what does spice lead to? Come on, we’ve all been there: You’re out with someone you like and respect, eating Thai food just the way you like it–hot and spicy–when all of a sudden you’re seized with dread, and you realize: It’s begun. A slow rivulet of snot is inexorably descending from your left nostril. It doesn’t matter if you catch it in time. More will follow. Rivers. Gushers. Your nose has become the Deepwater Horizon of mucus, and no napkin on earth can help you now. You start snorting like a hog. You pray your date will look away so you can wipe your sleeve. Please! you beg to the patron saint of dating nightmares. Just look away! Nice going, Romeo. You’d have been better off with the veal.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

MAGIC MONEY

A magician is in a little trouble for making money during his act.

A magician in Swaziland is under investigation after he claimed that he could create money during his act. The Central Bank states that only they have the power to issue notes with all the appropriate features, and that Magician German Lukhele’s money will be checked to see if it is counterfeit. ***MARLAR: At least we know where his bail money would be coming from.

 

 

FUN LIST

The sweatiest U.S. city is Phoenix, according to Procter & Gamble, makers of Old Spice deodorant and cologne. The company measured the typical perspiration level of the typical resident on a typical summer day in 100 major U.S. cities. The company estimated the amount of sweat an average-weight individual would produce by walking for an hour in that city’s average high temperatures in June, July and August. In Phoenix, you can expect to produce 26 ounces of sweat per hour on a typical summer day when the temperature hits the average high of 93.3 degrees. Here’s the top ten:

  1. Phoenix
  2. Las Vegas
  3. Tucson
  4. Dallas
  5. Corpus Christi, TX
  6. San Antonio
  7. Austin
  8. Shreveport, LA
  9. Houston
  10. Waco, TX

The five least sweatiest cities were:

  • San Francisco
  • Seattle
  • Spokane, WA
  • Portland, OR
  • Portland, ME

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

You want to sound smart and savvy on your resume, and the best way to do that is never use these 10 worn-out and clichéd phrases.

…Instead, write a thoughtful, accurate description of your previous employment without using meaningless, hackneyed buzzwords. That’s the advice of The Savvy Networker blog, which warns that using the wrong words on your resume could doom it to the bowels of the corporate shredder. The 10 worst canned phrases to use on a resume:

  • Results-oriented professional
  • Cross-functional teams
  • More than [x] years of progressively responsible experience
  • Superior (or excellent) communication skills
  • Strong work ethic
  • Met or exceeded expectations
  • Proven track record of success
  • Works well with all levels of staff
  • Team player
  • Bottom-line orientation

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Nepal has been declared a secular nation and that’s good news for Christians. According to Mission Network News, Since 2007, parties in the country disagreed over the details of the constitution as to whether or not Nepal should be a Hindu or a secular nation. Voting finally took place earlier this month, and despite activists’ violent protests, only 21 lawmakers in the 601-seat constituent assembly voted in support of making the country a Hindu nation once again. Christian officials say that’s good news. They point out that, if the country were declared a Hindu nation, religious minorities–including Christians–would face restrictions in sharing and practicing their faith legally. There would also be strict anti-conversion laws.

https://www.mnnonline.org/?p=136698

 

The Vatican has taken in a family who fled Damascus, just days after Pope Francis urged Catholic parishes across the world to assist refugees. According to Time Magazine, The Syrian family of four, all Melkite Greek Catholics, arrived on Sept. 6 and are being housed in the city-state’s Santa Anna Parish.

http://time.com/4039997/vatican-syrian-refugees/

 

An attorney from Kansas is giving hurting children a future hope. According to Mission Network News, Gene Balloun has been providing pro bono legal representation for families adopting children through the Kansas foster care system for nearly 30 years. His efforts have helped families provide permanent, adoptive homes for more than 1,000 children. Although the state pays the attorney fees for these cases, Balloun has directed that money to a scholarship fund to help children formerly in foster care attend college or pursue vocational training. To date, this fund has distributed more than 500 scholarships totaling more than $700,000.

https://t.co/53fK4AYUBO

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Scientists report that nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

It Can’t Be This Hard

Today is September 21st. Peace Day. More on that in a moment. But to answer the famous question, “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer is no.
Take this recent story headline from Associated Press: “Burger King to McDonalds: Let’s make a McWhopper.” Full page ads in various newspapers carried the message. A one day truce it was called. For the betterment of mankind, of course.
Burger King was attempting to get a cooperative effort with the “Golden Arches” folk to build a unique combination of a Whopper and a Big Mac. But only for a day. Peace Day.
As the AP story goes, “Burger King is tying the publicity stunt to a nonprofit called Peace One Day, which says it promotes Peace Day. The United Nations created the International Day of Peace in 1981 to coincide with its annual opening session in September. It then designated September 21 as the annual ‘day of non-violence and cease-fire’ in 2001.”
Call it a noble act. Call it promotional gimmickry. Ronald McDonald is not interested in such peace efforts. Ronald may smile at the kids, but not at the competition. Their CEO Steve Easterbrook in responding with a “no way” message, belittled the effort of burger war peace compared to “the real pain and suffering of war.” He then added, “P.S., simple phone call will do next time.” Put that in your Whopper and chew on it for a while. C’mon, man!
Well, I’m in a different kind of battle with the fast food giants. One that pleads for simple, friendly customer service and the basics in operating a restaurant. Allow me to share several examples.
At the McDonald’s I frequently stop at on my way home when my wife is out, most employees give me no welcome greeting. When I pick up my food, no “thank you.” At the Wendy’s near my office, the ketchup containers have been empty twice during the lunch hours I visited. And they were out of napkins. Hello…it’s lunch time. At Culver’s drive through, my last three meals came with no napkins. And the latest: on Friday night, my wife had a hankering for KFC grilled chicken. It was during the dinner hours but none was available. They were cooking it. Instead of serving it.
One of my favorites on this list happened a week or so ago taking our granddaughter to IKEA. They served up chicken fingers which yearned for barbecue sauce. Except…there wasn’t any. Inquiring at the counter I was told they’ve been out for a few days. My problem solving went into gear and I suggested that since a Meijer grocery story was two blocks away, maybe they could simply go and buy some until their shipment arrived so as not to disappoint customers. The young woman thought that was a good idea.
Aside from the expected reaction that “Mark, fast food isn’t very good for you anyway” I wish to affirm two companies who seem to get it right the majority of the time. One is Chick Fil A. Their folks go out of their way to make sure I have what I need. And the tireless service motto that they own is, “My pleasure.”
The second high energy, high service minded company is In-N-Out Burger. Mainly located in California, they are a fan favorite and outperform their competitors in serving up burgers and fries. They also are the ones who imprint Bible verse references on their cups and fry containers.
And so it begs the question…how can these two companies do it right so consistently? I believe it is based on a passion for the customer. Yes, you have to have food that people enjoy. All of the fast food companies lay claim to that. But not all can lay claim to placing such emphasis on customer care.
For the record, my father managed several different Perkins restaurants during my growing up years. I worked in all but one. At peak times, customer care can be a real challenge. If it’s your mission, however, you finesse it as needed.
I believe most people want to be treated well. They enjoy being respected when spending their hard earned money for a meal. They respond to people who care.
Jesus of Nazareth advised us this way, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Luke 7:12 NASB)
Do this, Ronald McDonald, and everyone will enjoy a happy meal.
P.S.: My apologies to any franchise owners or managers who want their employees to serve better.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…

 

*Note: Sicario is now opening October 2.

 

Black Mass—Johnny Depp does another acting transformation and turns himself into the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger of South Boston, who was both an informant for the government and top man in the gangs. He is still in prison on two life sentences. Benedict Cumberbatch plays James’ brother, Bill, who was a university professor and lost his job because of this. Also in the cast for “Black Mass” is Joel Edgerton. “Black Mass” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials—Here comes another installment in “The Maze Runner” series and this time Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) is leading his group outside the Maze and into many, many problems. It is very hot weather now. Also in the cast are Kaya Scodelario, Ki Hong, Dexter Darden and Patricia Clarkson. “Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Everest—Based on a true incident in 1996 in which many climbers on Everest were caught in a sudden snowstorm and died in tragic conditions.  Even though you think you are prepared, the mountain still has something deadly up its sleeve. You can feel a chill just reading the title. The cast includes Jake Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke and Josh Brolin. “Everest” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Cooties—This is an out-of-the-usual-horror-film area in which bad food in the cafeteria makes kids zombie-like.  So….who stars in this film? Elijah Wood and Rainn Wilson. What does it? Casserole? Mac and cheese? “Cooties” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Captive—Based on the true story and book, “Unlikely Angel,” Kate Mara stars as Ashley Smith, who was taken captive by an escaped murderer and managed to talk him into giving himself up. Talk about faith. The criminal is played by actor David Oyelowo. “Captive” is rated R. Rating of 2.

 

SEPTEMBER 25, 2015…

 

The Intern has Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway as a boss and a trainee, but who is really the boss and who is the trainee?

 

99 Homes stars Andrew Garfield as a guy who evicts people from their homes.

 

Hotel Transylvania 2 continues the comic animated story of a vampire count, whose daughter has married a human and now they have a son.

 

Mississippi Grind is about two guys who gamble big on the Mississippi. Stars Ben Mendelson and Ryan Reynolds.

 

Stonewall from director Roland Emmerich concerns a young man moving to New York in the late 1960’s and getting involved in the Stonewall Riots.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.