September 24, 2015: Thursday ONAIRprep


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And now, it’s (THE JOCK SHOW) – starring me, a man who does not have a serious brain in his body.


It’s casual day at the radio station – so in the spirit of things, I’m doing the show in my Spiderman pajamas. And in answer to your next question, no, they are not footsies, because I’m an adult.




“But the righteous will live by his faith.” –Habakkuk 2:4
“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” –1 Peter 2:24


We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. — Romans 5:3-4




[Jesus said] “By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.” — John 5:30


Thought: “So who you tryin’ to please, anyway?” These words of my dad still ring in my ears. His point? There are only two we MUST please: (1) our Father in heaven, because all praise and honor is due to him, and (2) ourselves, because we want to know that we’ve done the best we could do and been the best we could be. But I guess I’ve learned over the years that I can’t begin to do the second of those very well without seeking the first one. Don’t you hope that someday you reach the place where you can join Jesus in saying with absolute assurance: “I seek not to please myself but him who sent me!” The closer we approach that reality, the more we realize that we can’t do anything of eternal significance on our own. Only when we live to honor God do we find the significance and have the impact that our lives were made to have.


Prayer: Almighty and Righteous Father, I know that without you I can do nothing that is of lasting significance. I have tried my own way and failed. I have sought my own good and seen my success short-lived. I want to live now, today and the rest of my life to please you. As I do this, I am confident that you will provide what I need and that you will empower me to do what you would have me do. In Jesus’ name I thank you. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Luke 9:24 NIV = For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


This is TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR TV WEEK. ***MARLAR: Isn’t that what the remote control is for?


Today is SHARE A BANANA SPLIT WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Share?!?! I have to admit, I’m not sure I love anyone that much.


Today is KISS DAY.  ***MARLAR: The act of affection that is… not the rock group. (And I might actually kiss you if you bring me a banana split!) This is KISS DAY because in 1984, Eddie Levin and Delphine Crha finished history’s longest kiss in Chicago. The couple kissed for 17 days 10.5 hours, then celebrated their new record… with a kiss. And got their braces stuck together again.


This is NATIONAL DOG WEEK. ***MARLAR: Combine the week with Kiss Day at your own risk.




Innergize Day

National Ag Day

Punctuation Day

Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving




(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)


Bright Pink Lipstick Day

Math Story Telling Day

National One-Hit Wonder Day

National Psychotherapy Day

Vegan Baking Day

Ataxia Awareness Day

World Pharmacists Day

Hug a Vegetarian Day

Love Note Day

Save The Koala Day



Batman Day

Johnny Appleseed Day

Shamu The Whale Day

Family Health and Fitness Day USA

Fish Amnesty Day

International Lace Day

International Rabbit Day

Kids Day (Kiwanis Clubs)

National Hunting and Fishing Day

National Museum Day

National Public Lands Day

R.E.A.D. In America Day

Support Purple for Platelets Day



Ancestor Appreciation Day

Gold Star Mother’s Day

Google’s Birthday

World Tourism Day



Family Day – Be Involved, Stay Involved

Fish Tank Floorshow Night

National Drink Beer Day

National Good Neighbor Day

International Right to Know Day

World Heart Day

World Rabies Day




Mutation Day

National Biscotti Day

National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birth Day

International Coffee Day




Ask a Stupid Question Day

Banned Websites Awareness Day

Blasphemy Day

International Translation Day

National Mulled Cider Day

National Women’s Health & Fitness Day



CD Player Day

Fire Pup Day

International Day of Older Persons

International Music Day

Model T Day

National Book It! Day

National Lace Day

World Vegetarian Day

National Walk Your Dog Day



Weird Darkness Day

Guardian Angels Day

International Day of Non-Violence

National Custodial Workers Day

Phileas Fogg’s Wager Day

World Farm Animals Day

Lee’s National Denim Day

National Diversity Day

World Smile Day




1789: Congress passed the First Judiciary Act which provided for a U.S. attorney general and the Supreme Court.


1927: The NHL Toronto St. Patricks became the Maple Leafs. ***MARLAR: The Maple Leaves? Is that supposed to be intimidating? Look out! The LEAVES are coming! We’re sure to lose!


1936: Jim Henson was born in Greenville, Mississippi. He created Kermit the Frog, Big Bird, Bert & Ernie, Miss Piggy, Oscar the Grouch, Cookie Monster, Grover, Sherlock Hemlock, Mr. Snuffleuppagus, Roosevelt Franklin, and a hundred other Muppets. He won 18 Emmys, 17 Grammys, and four Peabody Awards. He died in 1993. (



1957: The Brooklyn Dodgers played their last game at Ebbets Field, defeating the Pittsburgh Pirates 2-0.


1960: The Enterprise, the first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, was launched.


1968: CBS premiered the television news magazine “60 Minutes.”


1969: The trial of the “Chicago Eight,” radical antiwar and counterculture activists accused of conspiring to incite riots at the 1968 Democratic convention, began.


1976: Newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst was sentenced to seven years in prison for her part in a 1974 bank robbery. She served 22 before receiving clemency from President Carter.


1984: Eddie Levin and Delphine Crha finished history’s longest kiss in Chicago. The couple kissed for 17 days 10.5 hours, then celebrated their new record with a kiss.


1984: Actor Neil Hamilton died at age 85. He played Commissioner Gordon on TV’s Batman. (



1986: The Toronto Blue Jays hit 10 home runs against the Baltimore Orioles to set a major league baseball record for most homers in a 9 inning game.


1991: Children’s author Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, died at age 87. (



1996: The United States and the world’s other major nuclear powers signed a treaty to end all testing and development of nuclear weapons.


1997: The TV sitcom “Dharma & Greg” debuted on ABC. (



1998: Elvis Presley was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame.


2002: Howick Village, New Zealand, under and agreement with the national postal service, became one of the first towns to issue its own postage stamps. Unfortunately, the first batch of 20,000 stamps were printed with the sticky side on the front instead of the back.




787: The Second Council of Nicea begins under Pope Hadrian I. The council condemned iconoclasm. The Roman Catholic Church considers this as the seventh of the 21 ecumenical councils; the Eastern Orthodox churches consider this the last of the ecumenical councils.


1757: Jonathan Edwards, perhaps America’s most brilliant theologian and a father of American revivalism, becomes president of the College of New Jersey (later Princeton). He served as president until his death in 1758.


1794: Russian Orthodox priest-monk Father Juvenaly, his brother Stephen, and eight other monks arrive at Kodiak Island, Alaska. After two years of ministry, the team had led 12,000 Alaskans to embrace the gospel. Juvenaly then extended his mission to the mainland, where he was reportedly martyred in 1796.




  • Actor (“Malcolm in the Middle”) Kyle Sullivan, 26 (
  • Actress (“Party of Five’s” Jill Holbrook, “Melrose Place”) Megan Ward, 46 (
  • Actress (My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Connie and Carla) Nia Vardalos, 53
  • actor (“Hercules”) Kevin Sorbo 57
  • actor Gordon Clapp (“NYPD Blue”) 67 (




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1931 : Anthony Newley

1933 : Mel Taylor (The Ventures)

1936 : Jim Henson

1940 : Barbara Allbut (The Angels)

1941 : Linda McCartney

1942 : Jiggs Allbut (The Angels)

1942 : Gerry Marsden (Gerry and the Pacemakers)

1946 : Jerry Donahue (Fairport Convention)

1962 : Cedric Dent (Take 6)

1971 : Marty Cintron (No Mercy)




Why does yeast make dough rise?

Not so long ago it was a good bet that the stock market would make your dough rise. But not so much now. Maybe we should be investing in yeast? Okay… so it doesn’t raise that kind of dough. Without yeast, you will end up with matzo, the “unleavened” bread of the Jewish holiday of Passover. Yeast consists of one-celled plants that constantly split to form other plants. During this process they make two enzymes that, when mixed into flour and water, cause the resulting dough to ferment, or leaven. During fermentation, the starch in the dough is changed into sugar and then alcohol and carbon dioxide. The carbon dioxide bubbles form throughout the dough, puffing it up. The alcohol and yeast disappear during baking, leaving you with bread. Next time your stockbroker advises putting your dough to work in the market, hand him a loaf of whole wheat and see what he says.

Source: HOW A FLY WALKS UPSIDE DOWN by Martin M. Goldwyn




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Duck Dynasty star Sadie Robertson was asked this week by the Dove awards to select the Christian song that has most impacted her life. Her choice: Matthew West’s song Do Something. Sadie says she listened to the song nearly every day during her freshman and sophomore years in high school.


Jamie Grace says she passes by her dream house at least once a week. However, she adds that the only problem is, it’s not at all for sale.


Question of the day from Sidewalk Prophets guitarist Ben McDonald: What do you think the best video game of all time is?


Matthew West was having some fun at a concert stop over the weekend. He tweeted that he crashed the Karaoke night at the MOPS International convention, helping a couple of mom’s with their rendition of Don’t Stop Believing.



Rush of Fools’ Kevin Huguley had a specific goal for his return from Egypt. He arrived by in the states over the weekend and tweeted: my first stop coming in from Egypt was getting sweet tea from chick fil a.


It was a rough weekend for Building 429’s Michael Anderson. He tweeted that American Air cancelled his fights twice in two days. To make matters worse, Michael said it was the third week in a row that his flight had been canceled or delayed for hours due to maintenance issues.


Are we in a post-Christian society? Comedian Bob Smiley seems to think so. He tweeted: Wow…the people at this Memphis airport act like they’ve never seen a Sunday morning offering plate being passed around before.


Citizen Way wants to know-Is it one beard or two? Members of the band shared a picture of two of their members standing chin to chin. Check out the picture and then share your thoughts.


The Newsboys were on the movie set this week. They were part of the filming for God’s Not Dead two in Arizona. Drummer Duncan Phillips says they were working on a bus scene for the movie.




Cops: Chocolate factory worker makes bomb threat to be fired
ST. ALBANS, Vt. (AP) — Police say a Vermont chocolate factory worker hated his job and wanted to get fired, so he did the first thing that came to mind: He called in a bomb threat. Police say 22-year-old Kristofer Pregent stole a co-worker’s cellphone and made the false threat under a…


Prisoner uses bed sheets in escape, falls when knot slips
LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Two inmates at a Louisville, Kentucky, jail could have used a course in knot-tying when authorities say they plotted an escape using bed sheets. Officials say the men escaped to the roof of a minimum-security building Monday night and used a rope made of bed sheets to…
PETA sues to give monkey the copyright of selfie photos    photo
A macaque monkey who took now-famous selfie photographs should be declared the copyright owner of the photos, rather than the nature photographer who positioned the camera, animal-rights activists contend in a novel lawsuit filed Tuesday. The suit was filed in federal court in San Francisco by…
Sheriff: Lawyers can keep bras on while entering Maine jail
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — Jail workers went too far in telling female lawyers they’d have to remove their underwire bras if they wanted to meet with clients, a sheriff said. At least two attorneys say they were told they’d have to remove their bras when entering the Cumberland County Jail…
Man who says ‘evil twin’ robbed stores gets over 60 years
ALLENTOWN, Pa. (AP) — A man who claimed at trial that his “evil twin” robbed 10 gas stations, convenience and beer stores in eastern Pennsylvania must spend at least 60 years in prison. HASH(0x13d4770) A jury last month convicted Felton in the 10 robberies in the Lehigh Valley, all of which…
$1 million lottery ticket found among woman’s old mail
KENTWOOD, Mich. (AP) — A Michigan woman who won a $1 million lottery prize didn’t know about it for months, after leaving the ticket in a pile of mail. Lottery officials say Linda Tuttle of Kentwood stepped forward Tuesday with a winning ticket from the May 26 Mega Millions drawing. Tuttle…
Father, son use net to capture exotic bird in New Hampshire
BOW, N.H. (AP) — An emu that had been loose and wandering around New Hampshire for more than a week has been caught. Maria Colby, a bird specialist who operates Wings of the Dawn Wildlife Sanctuary in Henniker, says a father and son captured the large, flightless bird in Bow Sunday afternoon….
Police: Robber tells pizza clerk he’s having a ‘bad day’
HIBBS, Pa. (AP) — Police are searching for a shotgun-wielding robber who told a Pennsylvania pizza shop clerk he was having a “bad day.” State police say the man entered Fox’s Pizza in Hibbs at about 8:15 p.m. Friday carrying the gun and a camouflage bag. Police say the man demanded cash and…
Hawaii man bit by shark swims to shore, posts video online
HONOLULU (AP) — A Hawaii spear fisherman who was bit in the leg by a tiger shark off the coast of the Big Island swam to shore and then filmed a video of his deep wound as he was being carried away on a gurney. “I just got attacked by a tiger shark,” an exasperated Braxton Rocha, 27, of…
No votes cast in small-town Iowa school board race
MCINTIRE, Iowa (AP) — An Iowa farmer who was running unopposed for his local school board failed to earn any votes — not even his own — but he’ll probably still get the job. Randy Richardson, 42, didn’t find time to vote for himself between his full-time maintenance job at a bean…
Man charged with punching 78-year-old over waffle sample
BURBANK, Calif. (AP) — A 24-year-old man has been charged with elder abuse after authorities say he punched a 78-year-old man over free Nutella waffle samples at a Los Angeles-area Costco store. Prosecutors say Derrick Gharabighi, of Burbank, was charged Tuesday. He pleaded not guilty in an…





Company says will cut price of drug after accused gouging
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — The company that sparked an angry backlash after it raised the price of a drug for treating a deadly parasitic infection by more than 5,000 percent says it will roll back some of the increase. Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli told ABC News on Tuesday that the new…


Study: Diagnosis wrong too often, urgent improvement needed    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Most people will experience at least one wrong or delayed diagnosis at some point in their lives, a blind spot in modern medicine that can have devastating consequences, says a new report that calls for urgent changes across health care. Getting the right diagnosis, at the…
Some tips for patients to reduce odds of being misdiagnosed
The Institute of Medicine says patient input is critical as health providers try to figure out the right diagnosis. Here are tips from the IOM’s report Tuesday, adapted from the National Patient Safety Foundation and the Society to Improve Diagnosis in Medicine: —Don’t hesitate to ask…
Txt msgs may lead to broad heart-linked benefits, study says
CHICAGO (AP) — Txt msgs may b gud 4U. That’s the message in a study that suggests just four monthly text messages might spur health improvements for heart patients. The simple, heart-related advice led to substantial changes in blood pressure, cholesterol and physical activity levels,…
State obesity rates hold steady; 30 pct or more in 22 states
NEW YORK (AP) — New government data shows that in most states, the rate of adult obesity is not moving. Results from a telephone survey show obesity rates stayed about the same in 45 states last year. There were small increases in Kansas, Minnesota, New Mexico, Ohio and Utah. Some experts…
FDA experts to review safety of Essure birth control implant    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal medical experts will take a closer look at a host of problems reported with the birth control implant called Essure, including chronic pain, bleeding, headaches and allergic reactions. The Food and Drug Administration on Monday posted a 90-page review of Essure…
AP Investigation: Bungling by UN agency hurt Ebola response    photo
KENEMA, Sierra Leone (AP) — Something didn’t smell right. As a worker at Kenema Government Hospital mixed a batch of chlorine on a broiling August day, he noticed it didn’t have its typically strong, bleach-like odor. Concerned, he turned to a consultant with the World Health Organization,…
Some Minnesota marijuana patients opting to buy illegally
ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) — Just two months after Minnesota launched its medical marijuana program, some patients turned off by high costs say they are back to buying the drug illegally because it’s the only way they can afford it. State officials and the companies hired to make marijuana products…
Clinton pushes plan to address rising drug costs    photo
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Hillary Rodham Clinton is outlining a sweeping plan to hold down the rising cost of prescription drugs and target drug companies that flood the airwaves with ads. The Democratic presidential candidate said at a forum in Iowa on Tuesday that she wants to protect…
Clinton says she won’t let GOP ‘tear up’ health care law    photo
BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) — Hillary Rodham Clinton on Monday hailed President Barack Obama’s health care law for reducing the rate of uninsured Americans and vowed to defend it against Republican opposition if she wins the White House. The Democratic presidential candidate kicked off a series of…
Another food fight? Congress mulls school meal standards
WASHINGTON (AP) — Add another item to lawmakers’ busy fall agenda: Congress must decide whether to do battle again with first lady Michelle Obama over school lunches with more whole grains and less salt. Last year, school food rules pitted Mrs. Obama against House Republicans seeking…





(None on the weekends)



According to a CDC study, nine out of ten teenagers aren’t getting enough fruits or vegetables.  ***The one in ten is getting their fruits through peach mango wine coolers.


Instagram announced Tuesday that it now has 400 million monthly active users, up from the 300 million in December of 2014. Instagram users post more than 80 million photos a day.  *** Only 20 million a day though if you remove all of the girls doing duck face.


Marc Rehmar wanted to get to his 40th high school reunion recently, but ended up arrested instead.  At the airport to travel to his high school reunion, he opened an emergency exit door in the Denver International Airport concourse and ran out onto the runway, apparently trying to stop his plane from taking off without him.  ***Who is this desperate to get to their 40th high-school reunion?  If you’re this needy to reach back into your past, you obviously need to spend more time focusing on your present and future. Besides, all of your high school friends from 40 years ago are probably fat, bald, and broke.  Just like you.  That’s not going to help your depression.


Albuquerque bus driver Jeremy Perea crashed into three cars back in July, 2014 and newly released surveillance video shows why: Perea was seen eating a burrito behind the wheel at the time of the crash. At one point, he can be seen taking both hands off the wheel in order to take a bite.  ***It took them this long to figure out that a bus driver was eating while driving?  Do passengers just never even look at the driver anymore?


Former “NBC Nightly News” anchor Brian Williams was back on air Tuesday, only this time at cable’s MSNBC. His assignment was covering Pope Francis’ visit to the U.S.  *** Let’s hope Brian can watch the tall tales this time around.  If not he’ll have to go to an even lesser-watched network, Al-Jazeera, and eventually just host his own podcast on MySpace.




Scientists at the University of Auckland have determined that mozzarella is the best kind of cheese used for making pizza. For their research, which was published in the Journal of Food Science, the food scientists watched as pizzas cooked with a variety of cheeses via “cameras and special software” to analyze and measure things like blistering, browning, elasticity and water density.  ***MARLAR: This story brought to you by the Center for Stating The Obvious.


As states liberalize their marijuana laws, public officials and safety advocates worry that more drivers high on pot will lead to a big increase in traffic deaths. Researchers who have studied the issue, though, are divided on the question.  Studies of marijuana’s effects show that the drug can slow decision-making, decrease peripheral vision and impede multitasking, all of which are critical driving skills. But unlike with alcohol, drivers high on pot tend to be aware that they are impaired and they try to compensate by driving slowly, avoiding risky actions such as passing other cars, and allowing extra room between vehicles.  ***MARLAR: In case you missed that, let me interpret it for you… yes, with marijuana being legalized, there will be more accidents – but they’ll all be low impact, and everyone will be so mellow they won’t care.


The British Council polled 7,000 English-learners in 46 countries to ask the most beautiful English word. 35,000 more people voted online to narrow it down to the top 70 most beautiful words. They include “peace, if, cute, lullaby, giggle, bliss, kangaroo, twinkle, bumblebee, grace, flabbergasted, tickle, sweetheart, blossom, liberty, destiny, freedom, tranquility and hippopotamus.” Counting down the top five: “eternity, love, smile, passion,” and at #1, “mother.”  ***MARLAR: So the most beautiful sentence ever constructed would be, “A flabbergasted bumblebee graced a mother hippopotamus, and it disturbed the kangaroo’s passionate smile of tranquility.”


According to a study in Psychosomatic Medicine, women who stay silent during spats with spouses may increase their risk of mortality.  Researchers surveyed 3,682 people over 10 years and found that women who stayed silent during arguments had four times the risk of dying from any cause.  ***MARLAR: Where did they find a woman who would stay silent during an argument with her husband?









CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Charles Marshall, “Discipline”




OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, in order to find the ultimate picnic spot for the ultimate picnic, all of the jungle animals went out together to look. Picnic spot after picnic spot have been found – each one even nicer than the next, but it seems that no matter what they find, Gruffy Bear is just never satisfied with it!


CLOSE: Well it’s about time… I would’ve rebelled three picnic spots ago! But what’s going to happen to Gruffy? And what’s going to happen to the perfect picnic? Find out next time – As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Companies try to lower their gas prices to give their customers a break – and end up in trouble with the law for it!

When gasoline prices soared so high that many people couldn’t afford to even drive to work any longer, the government of the great state of Minnesota decided to step in and do something about it.  And the residents of Minnesota couldn’t have been LESS happy about it.  Minnesota decided that it was the right time, when gasoline prices in the US were at an all time high, to crack down on gas stations that wanted to give motorists a price break.  The Minnesota Commerce Department, believing that discount gasoline is worse for consumers than ridiculously inflated gasoline prices, hit Arkansas-based Murphy Oil with a $70,000 fine, and Kwik Trip Inc. with a $5,000 fine, for not making sufficient profit on their gasoline, (in other words, they were charging too little for their gasoline).  A local owner of 3 Mobil Oil stations was delighted, saying this shows that the law is working to protect motorists from high gasoline prices.  Of course, a statement like that makes absolutely no sense… which is why this is our Moment of Duh today.  Apparently this whole situation uses a logic that only a bureaucrat and a major oil company can understand.






  1. You find yourself listening to talk radio.


  1. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.


  1. The pattern on your shorts and couch match.


  1. You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.


  1. You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.


  1. You criticize the kids of today for their secular music, forgetting that you rocked to Elvis Presley and The Beatles.


  1. You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of joining it.


  1. You turn down free tickets to a concert because you have to work the next day.


  1. When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.


  1. When jogging is something you do to your memory.




A storekeeper takes not only the gun away from a would-be robber, but also the guy’s coat and mask!


FILE #1: Evan Warner entered a store carrying a shotgun and wearing a long coat and a ski mask. After threatening the clerk he was given the cash from the register, about $100. As he turned to leave, the clerk grabbed the barrel of the shotgun and pulled it away. He also ripped the mask and the coat from our dumb criminal who then ran off. Even though the cops had a good description of the culprit they didn’t have any leads as to just who he was until he called the sheriff’s office to report his shotgun as stolen. He’s been arrested.


FILE #2: A man in China thought he’d be pulling off the jewelry store heist of the century. In the middle of the day the crook walked into the store, went behind the counter and started dumping trays of diamonds into a bag. He was shocked when security personnel nabbed him. Why? Because just minutes before he’d drank a tea he was told would make him invisible.


FILE #3: Edmond Taylor of Surrey, England, was finally cleared of a dangerous driving conviction on appeal after a year of fighting it. The real criminal had stolen his identity, which authorities would have noticed right away if they’d ever looked at the surveillance video showing that the driver was white. Taylor is black.


STRANGE LAW: In New Jersey it is illegal to slurp your soup.




A woman tries to bail her boyfriend out of jail, but ends up in jail herself for doing so!

In Twin Falls, Idaho, all 20-year-old Erin Magill wanted to do was get her boyfriend out of jail. But now she’s in jail herself after trying to pay his bail bond with checks stolen from her own mother! And don’t even think about feeling sorry for either of these two bozos! Together, they have about a dozen cases pending in court including possession of marijuana, transferring stolen vehicles, driving under the influence, carrying a concealed weapon, providing false information to an officer, resisting arrest, burglary and more!




What’s the weirdest craving you or your spouse had during pregnancy?




QUESTION: What New Testament word means “teacher?”
ANSWER: Rabbi or Rabboni (John 1:38; 20:16)




QUESTION: The Mayfly lives for only six hours. How long does it take for its eggs to hatch?
ANSWER: Three years.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. Ninety percent of Americans have visited Disneyland or Disney World. (False – it’s closer to seventy percent.)


  1. Chocolate manufacturers currently use 80 percent of the world’s peanuts. (False – they use 20 percent of the world’s peanuts.)


  1. “Allodoxaphobia” is the fear of outdoor games. (False – it’s the fear of opinions.)


  1. Beaver Cleaver’s locker number was 9. (True)


  1. Yellowstone was the world’s first national park. (True)


  1. In publishing, a right-hand page is called “verso.” The left is called “recto.” (False – it’s the other way around.)


  1. The Vatican’s Swiss Guard wear uniforms designed by Calvin Klein. (False – the uniforms were designed by Michelangelo in the early 16th century, and that same design is still in use today.)


  1. A group of bears is called a “cubbie.” (False – a group of bears is called a “sleuth”.)


  1. Popey the Sailor was 5’6″ tall. (True)


  1. The Chunnel, the tunnel between England and France, is 31 miles long, all of which is under water. (False. It is 31 miles long, but only 23 miles is under water.)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Man Rides Over A Mile on Motorbike Before Realizing He Had Lost His _____!”  (LEG)

In Japan, a 54-year-old motor biker failed to notice that his leg had been severed below the knee after hitting a safety barrier and continued to ride for more than a mile, leaving a friend behind to pick up the severed limb! Although admitting he felt excruciating pain, he didn’t notice that his right leg was actually missing until he stopped at the next intersection.





Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer. The car stalled out. The mechanical engineer said, “It must be the pistons; let’s repair them and be on our way.”
The electrical engineer said, “It has to be the spark plugs; we’ll replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all.”
The chemical engineer said. “No, it’s got to be bad gas; we’ll flush the system and be on our way.”
They turned to the computer engineer. “What do you think we should do?” they asked.
The computer engineer shrugged and said, “Let’s get out of the car, close the doors, then get back in and try restarting it.”



There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:


“Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”


“Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.00.”

“Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”

“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price… and since we need to trade-in the BMW that we bought last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $80,000…”

“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! But before we hang up, something else…”


“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling the bank account and … I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $750,000 – a magnificent price … and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover …”

“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $710,000. OK?”

“OK, sweetie … Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

“Bye … I do too…”

The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:

“Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”



On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: “Broken.”

A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car’s owner rushed out of a nearby building.

“What are you doing?” he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. “There’s plenty of time left!”




A new study found that about one-third of studies are incorrect.  ***MARLAR: But don’t count on that figure being accurate.


The author of a new book about insects says if you’re blonde, you’re far more likely to get bitten by mosquitoes than people with other hair colors. ***MARLAR: Not only do blondes have more fun… but they’re tasty!




A certain man had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey’s job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey’s mother said with surprise, “Why didn’t you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?”

“I didn’t think I needed to,” as everyone listened as Joey explained,

“I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse.”





What’s the weirdest craving you or your spouse had during pregnancy?  You won’t believe one woman’s obsession!

Sometimes a man will do anything for his wife. Even more so when she’s the soon-to-be mother of his child! But I have to hand it to this man; he’s more committed than I think I would ever be. This man has driven 450 miles a week to get his pregnant wife the food she is craving. Chris Bateman drives 150 miles three times a week to the nearest Kentucky Fried Chicken to get his wife Joanne her favorite meal. Chris says that his wife’s love of Kentucky Fried Chicken began before they were married. It takes him about an hour-and-a-half one way, but he says, “at the end of the day she’s worth it” ***MARLAR: After eating that much fried chicken, how can he be sure that big bulge on his wife is really a baby?




A poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children, and they needed food.

The grocer scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store. Visualizing the family needs, she said: ‘Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can.” He told her he could not give her credit, as she did not have a charge account at the store.

Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family.

The grocer said in a very reluctant voice,” Do you have a grocery list? Louise replied, “Yes sir” “O.K.” he said, “put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries.”

She hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then he reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.

The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down. The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, “I can’t believe it.” The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.

The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement. It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said: “Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands.” The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence. Louise thanked him and left the store.

The customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said, “It was worth every penny of it.”




After the catastrophic oil spill in Alaska many years ago, Exxon paid $18.3-million to clean up 357 otters. That averages out to $51,260 per otter!  (Come to think of it, my dad used to accuse me of using that much in hot water every time I took a shower.)
The expenses related to the Exxon cleanup involved salaries, boats, helicopters, and the construction of three emergency facilities… all for 357 otters.  The end result was the survival of 225 otters. Was the cost worth it?  If you were one of those otters and could understand what all the fuss was about, you might think so.
Here’s another sanitation question for you. How much does it cost to clean up sin-polluted people like you and me?
As you already know, Jesus, God’s Son, gave up His life for us.  That’s quite a cost, don’t you think?  Much more than $18.3-million!  And, because Jesus is also God of the universe, that means the cost per person is more than we can comprehend. But was the price worth it?  If you are one of the people Jesus rescued, you would certainly say yes.
How can you show appreciation to God for something like that?  You can’t pay him back by being “good enough” – that would delusional. So what can you and I do to show our thanks?  Well, that’s just it… we can be thankful.  We can devote our lives to doing whatever God wants us to do, and to telling other about the sacrifice that Jesus made in order to “clean us up.”
Then again, there is the option of drowning in your own oily-black, thick, sinful nature… but who wants to do THAT?!?




A cheerleading squad’s new cheer lands a hit and run driver in the slammer!

The Ann Arbor, Michigan, News reported that a pickup rear-ended a car at an intersection, causing a chain reaction pile-up, then the pickup took off. Fortunately, the Lincoln High School varsity cheerleading squad witnessed it. To keep from forgetting the license number, they made it into a cheer and started chanting it. That enabled police to find the truck owner, who first claimed he thought it wasn’t a big enough wreck to stop, then said he tried to go back but traffic was too heavy.





Are you looking for a job in these tough economic times? Instead of feeling helpless, remember that in any economy, companies need good people. And by fine-tuning your job-search strategy, you may be able to land a position that seems out of reach. Consider these job-search traps and ways to avoid them (from

  • You put all your eggs in one basket. If you’re like most job seekers, you probably heavily rely on the Internet to help you in your job search. While the Web can come in handy – as a way to research potential employers, determine which companies are hiring and locate positions specific to your area, for example – it should be just one of the many tools you employ.
  • You don’t make finding a job a full-time job. Sending out a handful of resumes a week is a lot like tossing a single bottle into the ocean and hoping someone responds to the message you left inside. To find a job, you must cast a wide net. It’s a numbers game, and the more inquiries you make, resumes you submit and employment interviews you go on, the better your chances of success.
  • You’re less than perfect. Believe it or not, even one typo or grammatical goof in any of your application materials could be keeping you from finding a new position. With dozens or even hundreds of candidates to evaluate, a hiring manager won’t think twice about passing on the applicant who has five years of “word professing” experience.
  • You don’t follow up. One easy way to stand out from the crowd of applicants: Follow up with the hiring manager after submitting your resume. According to a survey by our company, 86 percent of executives said job seekers should contact a hiring manager within two weeks of sending a resume and cover letter. Yet few candidates do.
  • You don’t network. The simple truth is that networking is the most effective way to find a new job. A referral from someone you know is likely to land you an interview with a prospective employer or, at the very least, move your resume to the top of the consideration pile.
  • You haven’t registered with a staffing firm. Registering with a staffing firm can dramatically increase the size of your network. The professionals who work for these companies have contacts throughout their industries and often know of job openings that are not being actively promoted.





A lesson in respect for the law had one man serving his punishment in a pig sty!

Mom always taught me to respect law enforcement officers. Never call them names. You call them “officer” or “patrolman” but never ever call them “pig”. Apparently, they don’t like that kind of thing. One man in Ohio obviously was not taught this because he called a police officer a “pig” and was punished by being incarcerated with a real pig! Steven Thompson had to spend two hours right next to a 350-pound pig in a pen while wearing a sign that read, “This is not a police officer.” Technically, he was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct, but you have to love the judge’s unique brand of punishment! Steve says he’s sorry. ***MARLAR: And the pig is protesting.





Of course, as Christians we don’t believe (or shouldn’t believe) in any of this stuff – but it’s fun to take a look at some of the ridiculous things people believe in out of insecurity.  Here are a few common superstitions.

  1. A rabbit’s foot brings good luck.  ***MARLAR: Well, except for the rabbit.
  2. Step on a crack, break your mother’s back.  ***MARLAR: I tried this once when I was grounded – it doesn’t work.
  3. You can break a bad luck spell by turning seven times in a clockwise circle.  ***MARLAR: Either that or you break seven bones from falling down from dizziness.
  4. Garlic protects from evil spirits.  ***MARLAR: Only because they don’t want to get close enough to smell your breath.
  5. At the end of a rainbow is a pot of gold.  ***MARLAR: And a little leprechaun that gets really possessive over his Lucky Charms!
  6. Clothes worn inside out will bring good luck.  ***MARLAR: And an extra day without laundry.
  7. If you blow out all of the candles on your birthday cake with the first breath you will get whatever you wish for.  ***MARLAR: Assuming the only thing you ask for is a fork.
  8. To have a wish come true using a wishbone, two people make a wish, then take hold of each end of the bone and pull it until it separates. The person with the longer end gets his or her wish.  ***MARLAR: I used to blow out my candles and wish that I’d win the wishbone break.
  9. An itchy palm means money will come your way.  ***MARLAR: Or that your personal hygiene needs some attention.
  10. A beginner will always have good luck (beginner’s luck).  ***MARLAR: Which is why when waiting tables at a restaurant, you see so many people wearing their “trainee” name tags as long as possible.
  11. Eating fish makes you smart.  ***MARLAR: And eating fish heads makes you famous.
  12. A cricket in the house brings good luck.  ***MARLAR: What good is luck though if you can’t get to sleep due to the incessant chirping?
  13. A bird that comes in your window brings bad luck.  ***MARLAR: Especially if it eats the cricket.
  14. It is bad luck to sleep on a table.  ***MARLAR: And this is a problem for…?
  15. If the bottom of your feet itch, you will make a trip.  ***MARLAR: To Walgreen’s for tough-actin’ Tinactin.
  16. Animals can talk at midnight on Christmas Eve.  ***MARLAR: And usually ask when “Rudolph” will be on the tube again.
  17. Washing a car will bring rain.  ***MARLAR: Or bird droppings!
  18. A person cannot drown before going under three times.  ***MARLAR: That’s disturbing.  How did they come to this conclusion?  Somebody had to do a study to find this out – meaning that instead of saving the poor soul who was drowning, they were counting how many times they went under before they stayed under forever.





Halloween is just over a month away – so when it comes to planning what you’re giving to your trick-or-treaters at the door, here is a list of things that are frowned upon by your visitors.  Regarding the worst things you can pass out:

#5 is sugar free candy (which really shouldn’t exist at all – it’s like saying beefless hamburgers)

#4 is fruit such as apples or oranges (in fact, orange-slices candy needs to be added to that list as well because, let’s face it, that stuff is nasty)

#3 is small boxes of raisins (sorry, but that is NOT the same as a box of Raisinettes.  I mean dried-out grapes?  That’s going to stop you have having your house TP’d for Halloween?)

#2 is toothbrushes (Really?  You’re going to pass out dental equipment?  Unless you’re going to duct-tape it to a Gobstopper, forget it.)

And finally the worst thing to pass out to trick-or-treaters, #1 is pennies. (If you can’t be bothered to go out and actually buy candy, don’t think you’re going to get by with simply raiding the piggy-bank.  Even kids know that’s lazy and you may end up with a flaming bag of doggie doo on your front step.)



I’m tired. For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out it ain’t that. I’m tired because I’m overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you’re sitting there listening to my show. No wonder I’m tired, I’m the only one working.




(Mondays Only)




Pope Francis will be in the United States through the end of the week. The Pope arrived in the U.S. on Tuesday for five days of events in three cities. The first stop on the multi-city tour was in the nation’s capital. He will also stop in New York and Philadelphia. A complete schedule is now available online, detailing Pope Francis’ visit through his departure Sunday evening.


Will your church pray for persecuted Christians on November 1? That is the date set for the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church and Voice of the Myrters is offering free resources to help you prepare.




Every morning when I head out the door to come to work, I try to remember to ask myself, “What would Jesus do?”  Sometimes I hate those days when I get the answer though: “He certainly wouldn’t be leaving the house wearing THAT shirt with THOSE pants.” –Unknown


If you are too busy to laugh, you are too busy.




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

It Can’t Be This Hard

Today is September 21st. Peace Day. More on that in a moment. But to answer the famous question, “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer is no.
Take this recent story headline from Associated Press: “Burger King to McDonalds: Let’s make a McWhopper.” Full page ads in various newspapers carried the message. A one day truce it was called. For the betterment of mankind, of course.
Burger King was attempting to get a cooperative effort with the “Golden Arches” folk to build a unique combination of a Whopper and a Big Mac. But only for a day. Peace Day.
As the AP story goes, “Burger King is tying the publicity stunt to a nonprofit called Peace One Day, which says it promotes Peace Day. The United Nations created the International Day of Peace in 1981 to coincide with its annual opening session in September. It then designated September 21 as the annual ‘day of non-violence and cease-fire’ in 2001.”
Call it a noble act. Call it promotional gimmickry. Ronald McDonald is not interested in such peace efforts. Ronald may smile at the kids, but not at the competition. Their CEO Steve Easterbrook in responding with a “no way” message, belittled the effort of burger war peace compared to “the real pain and suffering of war.” He then added, “P.S., simple phone call will do next time.” Put that in your Whopper and chew on it for a while. C’mon, man!
Well, I’m in a different kind of battle with the fast food giants. One that pleads for simple, friendly customer service and the basics in operating a restaurant. Allow me to share several examples.
At the McDonald’s I frequently stop at on my way home when my wife is out, most employees give me no welcome greeting. When I pick up my food, no “thank you.” At the Wendy’s near my office, the ketchup containers have been empty twice during the lunch hours I visited. And they were out of napkins. Hello…it’s lunch time. At Culver’s drive through, my last three meals came with no napkins. And the latest: on Friday night, my wife had a hankering for KFC grilled chicken. It was during the dinner hours but none was available. They were cooking it. Instead of serving it.
One of my favorites on this list happened a week or so ago taking our granddaughter to IKEA. They served up chicken fingers which yearned for barbecue sauce. Except…there wasn’t any. Inquiring at the counter I was told they’ve been out for a few days. My problem solving went into gear and I suggested that since a Meijer grocery story was two blocks away, maybe they could simply go and buy some until their shipment arrived so as not to disappoint customers. The young woman thought that was a good idea.
Aside from the expected reaction that “Mark, fast food isn’t very good for you anyway” I wish to affirm two companies who seem to get it right the majority of the time. One is Chick Fil A. Their folks go out of their way to make sure I have what I need. And the tireless service motto that they own is, “My pleasure.”
The second high energy, high service minded company is In-N-Out Burger. Mainly located in California, they are a fan favorite and outperform their competitors in serving up burgers and fries. They also are the ones who imprint Bible verse references on their cups and fry containers.
And so it begs the question…how can these two companies do it right so consistently? I believe it is based on a passion for the customer. Yes, you have to have food that people enjoy. All of the fast food companies lay claim to that. But not all can lay claim to placing such emphasis on customer care.
For the record, my father managed several different Perkins restaurants during my growing up years. I worked in all but one. At peak times, customer care can be a real challenge. If it’s your mission, however, you finesse it as needed.
I believe most people want to be treated well. They enjoy being respected when spending their hard earned money for a meal. They respond to people who care.
Jesus of Nazareth advised us this way, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Luke 7:12 NASB)
Do this, Ronald McDonald, and everyone will enjoy a happy meal.
P.S.: My apologies to any franchise owners or managers who want their employees to serve better.
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


SEPTEMBER 18, 2015…


*Note: Sicario is now opening October 2.


Black Mass—Johnny Depp does another acting transformation and turns himself into the infamous James “Whitey” Bulger of South Boston, who was both an informant for the government and top man in the gangs. He is still in prison on two life sentences. Benedict Cumberbatch plays James’ brother, Bill, who was a university professor and lost his job because of this. Also in the cast for “Black Mass” is Joel Edgerton. “Black Mass” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.


Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials—Here comes another installment in “The Maze Runner” series and this time Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) is leading his group outside the Maze and into many, many problems. It is very hot weather now. Also in the cast are Kaya Scodelario, Ki Hong, Dexter Darden and Patricia Clarkson. “Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.


Everest—Based on a true incident in 1996 in which many climbers on Everest were caught in a sudden snowstorm and died in tragic conditions.  Even though you think you are prepared, the mountain still has something deadly up its sleeve. You can feel a chill just reading the title. The cast includes Jake Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke and Josh Brolin. “Everest” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.


Cooties—This is an out-of-the-usual-horror-film area in which bad food in the cafeteria makes kids zombie-like.  So….who stars in this film? Elijah Wood and Rainn Wilson. What does it? Casserole? Mac and cheese? “Cooties” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Captive—Based on the true story and book, “Unlikely Angel,” Kate Mara stars as Ashley Smith, who was taken captive by an escaped murderer and managed to talk him into giving himself up. Talk about faith. The criminal is played by actor David Oyelowo. “Captive” is rated R. Rating of 2.


SEPTEMBER 25, 2015…


The Intern has Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway as a boss and a trainee, but who is really the boss and who is the trainee?


99 Homes stars Andrew Garfield as a guy who evicts people from their homes.


Hotel Transylvania 2 continues the comic animated story of a vampire count, whose daughter has married a human and now they have a son.


Mississippi Grind is about two guys who gamble big on the Mississippi. Stars Ben Mendelson and Ryan Reynolds.


Stonewall from director Roland Emmerich concerns a young man moving to New York in the late 1960’s and getting involved in the Stonewall Riots.


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