September 25, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160925

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I have a great show prepared for you today. In fact, it’s such a terrific show — I think I’ve changed my mind.  Instead of giving it to you today, I’m going to save it until I know for sure the boss is listening.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

The Lord says, “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. –Isaiah 46:4

A wicked man puts up a bold front, but an upright man gives thought to his ways.  — Proverbs 21:29

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. — Hebrews 10:35-36

Thought: There are some tough times that go with living. They’re inescapable. That’s when our confidence in the Lord’s salvation and our relationship with him get tested! It is one thing to sing “it is well with my soul” at the end of a peel the paint worship service, but it is quite another to be able to sing it when they auction your house off at the courthouse steps, you are told you have a long-term debilitating illness, or you lose a child to death. Faith can’t take a holiday when we travel through the suburbs of hell or we’ll never find our way out. So don’t throw it away. Persevere! Keep putting one step in front of the other trusting that God will give you the strength for the next step. No matter how hard it is at the moment, don’t give up to despair. Be like Job or Jeremiah who both argued and complained to God, but never let go of God. Don’t quit. Christ is coming, for you with grace or in glory once and for all, is just around the bend.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Corinthians 9:25 NIV = Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

TODAY IS SUNDAY – SEPTEMBER 25, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
96 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is BABA WAWA DAY, marking the birth of TV’s Barbara Walters. She got the “Baba Wawa” nickname from comic Gilda Radner’s classic character on “Saturday Night Live.”

Today is NATIONAL ONE-HIT WONDERS DAY, honoring all those rock singers and groups that had just one hit record. ***Also good for DJ’s who’ve only told one good joke in their career.

Today is NATIONAL COMIC BOOK DAY. *** It’s the Adventures of Radio Man – battling enemies like the evil Dead Air, and Splice!

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Bright Pink Lipstick Day

Gold Star Mother’s Day

International Day of the Deaf

Math Story Telling Day

National One-Hit Wonder Day

National Psychotherapy Day

National Research Administrators Day

Ataxia Awareness Day

World Pharmacists Day

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

Family Day – Be Involved. Stay Involved.

Johnny Appleseed Day

National Dumpling Day

Shamu the Whale Day

Situation Awareness Day

World Contraception Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27

Ancestor Appreciation Day

Google’s Birthday

National Voter Registration Day

National Women Road Warrior Day

World Tourism Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 28

Banned Websites Awareness Day

Fish Tank Floorshow Night

National Drink Beer Day

National Good Neighbor Day

International Right To Know Day

World Rabies Day

National Women’s Health & Fitness Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29

MAGS Day

Mutation Day

National Biscotti Day

National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birth Day

International Coffee Day

VFW Day

World Heart Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30

Ask a Stupid Question Day

Blasphemy Day

Hug a Vegetarian Day

International Translation Day

National Mulled Cider Day

Save The Koala Day

Support Purple For Platelets Day

Vegan Baking Day

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 01

CD Player Day

Cephalopod Awareness Day

Fire Pup Day

Frugal Fun Day

International Day of Older Persons

Inter-American Water Day

International Music Day

Model T Day

National Book It! Day

National Lace Day

National Walk your Dog Day

Vegan Baking Day

World Card Making Day

World Vegetarian Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 02

Change a Light Day

Country Inn Bed & Breakfast Day

Guardian Angels Day

Intergeneration Day

International African Diaspora Day

International Blessings of the Fishing Fleet Day

International Day of Non-Violence

Islamic New Year

National Custodial Workers Day

Phileas Fogg’s Wager Day

Rosh Hashanah

World Communion Day

World Farm Animals Day

MONDAY, OCTOBER 03

Child Health Day

Day of Unity

Techie’s Day

World Day of Architecture

World Day of Bullying Prevention (Blue Shirt Day)

World Habitat Day

ON THIS DAY

1493: Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his second voyage to the New World.

1933: “The Tom Mix Ralston Straightshooters” debuted on NBC Radio, at first three times a week, then five. During the ‘30s and ‘40s, it was the #1 late afternoon program. Mix, a film star and former Texas Ranger, never appeared on the radio show.

1946: The Brooklyn Dodgers beat the Chicago Cubs 2-0 when the game had to be called after 5 innings because of gnats, swarms of gnats in Ebbets Field, so many gnats fans couldn’t see the field and players couldn’t play.

1954: In his only appearance at the Grand Ole Opry, Elvis sang “Blue Moon of Kentucky.” Talent coordinator John Denny told him to go back to truck driving. ***MARLAR: Less shaking there, I guess.

1956: Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis broke up as a comedy team. They had begun performing together on the same day in 1946.

1965: At age 34, Willie Mays became the oldest major league player to hit 50 home runs in a season. Ten years earlier, he had been the youngest player to accomplish the same feat.

1975: Billy Petty sold his prize turkey at a Pasadena, Texas, rodeo for $1,600, the highest price ever paid for a turkey.

1978: Sports Illustrated’s Melissa Ludtke filed suit to gain access for women reporters to major-league baseball locker rooms after games. She won. ***MARLAR: The players in the locker room lost… their dignity.

1979: The musical “Evita” opened on Broadway.

1981: Sandra Day O’Connor became the first woman on the U.S. Supreme Court, the 102nd justice to take the oath.

1984: Deepak Lele arrived in New York City to become the first person to cross the United States on a unicycle. He pedaled 3,963 miles from Los Angeles in three months and 19 days.

1990: Macon, Georgia, honored hometown boy Richard Penniman by naming a new street Little Richard Boulevard.

1995: Circuit Judge Joseph Wilson in Columbia, South Carolina, refused to allow attorney Heather Smith to enter a plea for her client because the female lawyer was wearing pants. The hearing was postponed.

1995: Ross Perot announced formation of the Independence Party.

1996: Turner Ranches announced that CNN’s Ted Turner had purchased a 578-thousand-acre ranch in New Mexico, increasing Turner’s total New Mexico holdings to 1,796 square miles. That’s roughly 1.5% of the state.

2003: The U.S. House gave the Federal Trade Commission explicit authority to create a national “do not call” directory.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1534: Pope Clement VII dies. An unpopular pope, Clement failed to halt Luther’s reformation or to implement his own reforms in the Catholic church. Henry VIII asked Clement VII to annul his marriage with Catherine of Aragon. The pope’s reluctance led to Henry VIII’s break from Catholicism.

1555: The Peace ofAugsburg is signed after the defeat of Emperor Charles V’s forces by Protestant princes in Germany (1552). The official recognition of the Lutheran church in Germany, the agreement signified the dissolution of both political unity in Germany and the medieval unity of Christendom.

1789: Congress amends The U.S. Constitution to prohibit establishment of a state church or governmental interference with the free exercise of religion.

1872: Peter Cartwright, an indefatigable Methodist circuit rider, dies at age 97. Though he was characterized as rough, uneducated, and eccentric, his drive and physical stamina enabled him to preach throughout midwestern frontiers for 70 years.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Zorro, Entrapment) Catherine Zeta-Jones 47

  • actor-rapper (“Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”, Men in Black, Independence Day, I-Robot) Will Smith 48 (audio clip)

  • actress (“Melrose Place”, “Spin City”) Heather Locklear 55 (audio clip)

  • actor (Luke Skywalker from the original three Star Wars movies, voice of the Joker in the “Batman” animated series) Mark Hamill 64

  • actor (married to Catherine Zeta-Jones, son to Kirk Douglas, Falling Down, Jewel of the Nile) Michael Douglas 72

  • journalist (“The View”) Barbara Walters 85

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1683 : Jean-Philippe Rameau

1932 : Glenn Gould

1933 : Eric Darling (The Weavers, The Tarries, The Rooftop Singers)

1936 : Roosevelt “Booba” Barnes

1943 : Gary Jules Alexander (The Association)

1945 : Onnie McIntyre (Average White Band)

1950 : Zucchero

1968 : Will Smith

1985 : Diana Ortiz (Dream)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Who invented the refrigerator, and when did it first become available to consumers?

Scottish scientist William Cullen, in 1748, discovered that the liquid ethyl ether, allowed to evaporate in a partial vacuum, cooled its surroundings. Americans in the early 19th century substituted the rapid expansion of a gas for the evaporation of a liquid as the coolant. With the widespread availability of electricity at the beginning of the 20th century, the time was ripe for the debut of the household appliance that we know. It arrived in 1913. Now grab me a cold Pepsi, will ya?  (Source: PANATI’S BROWSER’S BOOK OF BEGINNINGS by Charles Panati)

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Breaking news from the Jaun Devevo household. The member of Casting Crowns posted: The Cat and Vacuum have come to peaceful terms.

The Afters front man Josh Havens has a unique hobby. He says he loves trying out local coffee shops when he’s on tour! Josh asked: How do you drink your coffee? I take it black.

The Afters want to hear your Battles Stories. First see the words of the band’s latest song by watching the lyric video online. Then submit your battles stories on twitter using the hash tag #TheAftersBattles

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQJWT017Jwc

Natalie Grant says she finally caved and joined the madness. She is now on Snapchat. Her username is: itsnataliegrant

The band Needtobreathe might be willing to come to your house for a house show but you’re going to need a pretty big house. One fan asked them if they would do a show in her home after finding that the band didn’t have a show scheduled near where she lives. They replied: how big is your house?

Jimmy Needham told his daughter: I’m teaching Paul’s letter to the Galatians tonight. She replied: Which letter? Is it “T”?

The new Crowder album American Prodigal will release this Friday. Earlier this week, Crowder shared the story behind the album. https://youtu.be/jmHMWbfkW5M

What Does “Love Amplified” Look Like? Steven Curtis Chapman talked this week about his song “Love Take Me Over” and the issues of Love that he had been struggling with. https://youtu.be/g_XcjRsTdW8

Tobymac has announced plans for a live CD/DVD combo. The well known Christian artist will record the Hits Deep Live CD and DVD on November 18. It will feature a full live album and concert video of 16 songs. This will mark Tobymac’s first live album in eight years.

Kerrie Roberts isn’t letting the weather slowed her down. She posted: It’s 95 degrees out but I think it’s time to get out the fall decorations!! Who’s with me?

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Colorblind”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mike Williams, “Grape Nuts/Chunky Monkey”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were frantically trying to sell all of their possessions so they could run away from the jungle to escape a giant-footed creature that nobody has really even seen yet – just footprints. And the sales were so great, that everyone bought everyone else’s stuff, so now all of the animals have just as much stuff as they started with! Except one animal… who’s still working on his sign!

CLOSE: I’m sure Millard is just kidding about that. That is one smart skunk! Tune in again next time for more of our story, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 24/25

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were excited at the possibility of having our next As the Jungle Turns story be about them. Unfortunately, everyone thinks the story should be about them, specifically. Everyone wants to be the star! And you just know that’s going to cause some problems, and suddenly…

CLOSE: It sounds like a really terrible, awful, disgusting, ugly, smelly, terrifying creature… maybe. Who left the giant footprints? Tune in next time – As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a… hey, who stole my tree?

Botanists in West Sussex, England were given the task of protecting one of Britain’s rarest trees, a southern beech (Nothofagus gunnil).  They are today’s Moment of Duh because … someone stole it.  The tree was being monitored to see the interaction between its root and the soil and will probably die because of damage caused to the roots and lack of the care needed to make it grow.  If caught, the thieves will be charged with, among other things, leaving the scene of a crime. ***MARLAR: So… it took a bunch of university trained botanists to come up with the concept of saving an endangered tree by watching it grow, and telling us that if someone digs it up and doesn’t take water it, it will die. 

TOP TEN

TOP 10 AMUSING SIGNS

10. Sign on an airport runway: All baggage carts must yield to oncoming planes.

9. Sign at the Pavlov Institute: Knock: Please don’t ring bell.

8. Sign in a 1 hour eyeglass store: 20/20 in 60 Minutes.

7. Saying on a T-shirt: My daughter and my money both go to college.

6. Bumper-sticker: Pharmacists are indispensable.

5. Sign in a dentist’s office: Patient parking only. All others will be painfully extracted.

4. Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: Reserved for plant manager.

3. Boyfriend wanted: No experience necessary. Will train.

2. Sign on a closed store: This store is guarded by a very mean dog 3 nights a week. You guess which nights.

1. Sign on a hearing aid shop: Trust us. Over 5000 ears of experience.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sometimes you’re just not physically qualified to commit a crime.

FILE #: In Romania, an unidentified man got into an argument with some of his friends and, to prove to them that he could do it, he stole a car. He smashed the window, used a screwdriver to start the ignition and drove off down a busy road. Unfortunately, he only made it about a half a mile before crashing into a tree. He told the cops he crashed because he didn’t know the way home.  I think there might have been another problem. You see, the reason his friends didn’t think he could pull off the crime is because our guy is legally blind.

FILE #2: In Nashville, the court hearing for 19-year-old Denza D. McGee got underway. Denza was accused of fatally shooting a man. During the hearing, Denza’s buddy 23-year-old Gerald Cunningham showed up to give moral support. However, the sole witness who was in court to identify Denza said she also recognized Mr. Cunningham as his partner in the shooting so Mr. Cunningham was immediately pulled out of the gallery and arrested.

FILE #3: From Longview, Washington comes the story of Edmund Arnold who robbed a bank, then walked over to the convenience store nearby. He bought himself a drink, went outside and sat down on a park bench to enjoy it. Unfortunately, the park was across the street from the police station. An officer looking out the window spotted him and noticed that he fit the description of the robber. The officer walked across the street and arrested him.

STRANGE LAW: In North Dakota it is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A recent study suggests that adolescents who regularly smoke marijuana run a risk of damaging a portion of the brain associated with language development. Brain scans revealed microscopic abnormalities in a region of the brain that controls higher aspects of language. ***MARLAR: Do you think this is why pot smokers call each other dude?

PHONER PHUN

What’s your favorite “One Hit Wonder?” Call in and we’ll play it!

In an effort to teach people not to leave valuable items in their cars, British police officers will be wandering the streets looking for stuff to steal. If you don’t have your doors locked, the cops will take your stuff. Because they’re cops, they’ll also be kind enough to leave a note explaining what happened, but the point is to teach people to be more responsible. “The message to car owners is: ‘Help us to help you,'” said Richmond Police Chief Inspector Duncan Slade in a statement. ***PHONER: What do you think… good idea, or is this going to backfire?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: To help Moses, God poured out His Spirit on how many elders of Israel?
ANSWER: Seventy (Numbers 11:16-17)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What was unique about US President James Buchanan’s First Lady, Harriet Lane?
ANSWER: She wasn’t his wife. James Buchanan was the only president of the United States never to marry. During his term in office, his niece Harriet Lane played the role of the First Lady.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Assuming Rudolph was in front, there are over 40,000 ways to arrange the other eight reindeer. (True)

2. The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene. (True)

3. Shakespeare was 46 when the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear. (True)

4. Bulls are attracted to the color red. (False, they’re actually color blind and chase those red capes of the matadors only due to the motion, not the color)

5. People who have night jobs weigh less on average than people with day jobs. (False – they weigh more)

6. During the first year puppies grow 100 times faster than human infants do. (False – but they do grow 10 times faster)

7. Only about one third of the episodes of “Gilligan’s Island” are actually about the castaways getting off the island. (True)

8. Without food coloring Coca-Cola would be clear. (False – actually it would be green)

9. Nobody has any idea where Mozart is buried. (True)

10. 3000 puppies are born in the U.S. every hour. (False – actually 3000 puppies will be born in the time it takes to say 3000 puppies! That’s about 3,000 puppies per SECOND!)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Deputy Arrests __________ For DUI!” (HIS OWN WIFE)

In Elko, Nevada, 11-year police veteran Charlotte Moore was charged with DUI after her hubby Mike pulled her over. According to one report, she allegedly drove off before she could be given a breathalyzer test so Mike pulled her over again and called for backup. Mrs. Moore is now on paid administrative leave. Wonder how Mike’s doing trying to keep the peace at home!

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

It’s the day before Christmas and Darth says to Luke “I know what you’re getting me. I felt your presents”.

JOKE #2

A woman called up the fire department and said, “Look, I’ve just had a new rock garden built and I’ve just planted some new roses, and…”

The fireman said, “Where’s the fire?”

She said, “I’ve just spent a lot of money having my lawn mowed and my hedges clipped. Some of my new plants are very expensive…”

He said, “Look, lady, you don’t want the fire department, you want a flower shop.”

She said, “No, I don’t. The house next door is on fire, and I don’t want you clumsy fireman stamping all over my garden when you come over.”

JOKE #3

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up.”

“That’s okay with us,” the mother said, “But what made you decide to be a minister?”

“Well,” the boy replied, “I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.”

USELESS FACTS

A research study shows eating too much red meat may produce just as much cancer as smoking. *** So beware the dangers of second-hand cheeseburgers…

Some airlines now plan to start selling advertising space on their air-sickness barf bags.  ***Finally, the perfect medium for advertising Michael Moore movies.

FEATURED FUNNIES

LEAVE OUT THE CUSS WORDS

The teacher asked one of her students what his father thought of his report card. “Shall I leave out the cuss-words?” He asked.
“Yes, of course.”
“Well, he didn’t say nothing.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

You think your job stinks? Try this one. Researchers at a Canadian university have recruited six people to sniff pig manure.

…the scientists at the University of Alberta are trying to find out how close pig barns should be built to where humans reside (how about as far as possible?!). The manure-sniffers meet three times a week for the two hour sessions and are paid $10 an hour. They were chosen after a passing a test to show they could smell properly. Another university will be conducted test to see how far away you want to be from people who spent the last two hours sniffing manure.

In a related story, the “Ham” is anything but “Heavenly” in Stuart, Florida these days as 2 pig farmers and a Florida Golf Resort are going to court against one another. Why? The Golf Resort is suing the owners of a neighboring pig farm for disrupting their multi-million dollar investment by playing loud country music to their pigs. That, along with the fact that the smell of the swine is “unreasonable and disturbs Florida Club Golfers and its homeowners from the use of the property”, according to an attorney for the Florida Club.  ***MARLAR: What I don’t understand is that the pig farmers were there first – but the Florida Club built the resort anyway!  Did they think the pig smells would be removed along with the trees? 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

ELMO AND THE POWER OF LOVE

How the popular Sesame Street character makes the world a better place–by his best friend and puppeteer.
By Kevin Clash with Gary Brozek

When I tell folks what I do for a living (“What’dya mean you’re Elmo? You’re a forty-five-year-old six-foot African American male with a deep voice, get outta here”), after they regain their composure, they ask me to explain Elmo’s popularity. Elmo is instantly recognizable in nearly every country in the world. He knows heads of state, A-list celebrities, world-class athletes, Oscar winners, Tony winners, Grammy winners, spelling-bee winners, and lots of babies. If Elmo had a cell phone, it would never stop ringing. Why is this little fur-and-foam bundle of energy such a phenomenon?
I have a one-word answer: love. Elmo connects with children and adults on the purest and most fundamental level, and that is the human desire to love and be loved. It’s as simple as that.

He may not look like it, but that Elmo’s a love machine.
When parents tell me, “My child lives for Elmo,” I tell them that Elmo lives because of their child’s love for him. I don’t just mean that Elmo is alive in their child’s imagination, though that is certainly a part of it. That child and Elmo aren’t just experiencing love; they’re creating more of it to go around, and in doing so they make the world a better place.
It works like this: Elmo feeds off the love he receives from kids, from the adult characters on the show, and from his fellow Muppets. He doesn’t just take that love in as a fuel and use it up. Instead, he drinks it in and gives it right back in spades. He’s a kind of love-energy power station, and the more love he takes in, the more love he produces for the rest of the world. The more love he produces, the more love he receives, and the cycle completes itself over and over again. Talk about a renewable resource!
I first saw this powerful cycle in action shortly after Elmo debuted and was gaining in popularity in the mid-1980s, when I did an appearance with him at a school in the Bronx. A group of preschoolers were gathered in the library, all of them bundles of fidgeting energy with their legs swinging like metronomes. As soon as Elmo said, “Hello, everybody! Elmo loves you!” it was like a floodgate had opened, and Elmo and I were awash in a surge of little children. I could almost feel an electric charge in the room, as their shouts of “I love you, Elmo!” reverberated off the cinder-block walls. Elmo laughed and opened his arms wide and tried to scoop up all the love and hug it to his chest, all the while repeating “Elmo loves you, too.”
That may have been the first time in my adult life when I finally comprehended the ancient notion that what you put out in the universe comes back to you. Since that day, I’ve learned to try to put as much Elmo and Kevin love out into the world as I can, knowing that it will have a very positive ripple effect. Elmo and the children taught me that one. Somewhere along the road to adulthood, we seem to forget this little secret about the power of love, but it’s worth remembering.

When children tell Elmo that they love him, they all have different styles of expressing their emotion. Some of the more demonstrative kids throw their arms around his neck, snuggle their faces against his, and with an eyes-closed, sigh-heaving, hand-me-my-Tony-Award gesture that projects to the very last row of the theater’s balcony, they proclaim their undying devotion to Elmo in prose as purple as Telly Monster. “Oh, Elmo, I love you more than chocolate ice cream! More than I love the new baby! Please come and live in my house forever!”
Older kids are a little more matter-of-fact, as if they’ve been married for twenty years and they’re picking up their keys and their bag and heading out the door with an affectionate but perfunctory “Love you.” Still others are more shy and reserved, like the bashful and nervous teen letting his or her feelings be known to their crush for the first time. I often wonder how these children will express their love as adults and how many of them will remain demonstrative and unembarrassed, or if they’ll naturally pull back into more conservative styles as they grow older. It would be ridiculous if we all greeted each other the way the more enthusiastic kids greet Elmo — imagine how long it would take to get that first cup of coffee at the office with all the morning greetings in full swing! — but still, doesn’t imagining a love-filled world like that put a smile on your face?
Children approach Elmo differently depending on their age, but they also are inevitably influenced by the kinds of physical demonstrations of affection they receive at home. Elmo wants to reach all kids, and sometimes he can be like that overly enthusiastic puppy who finds everything in the world so fresh and new and wonderful that he can’t contain himself. Just as kids may squeal in delight when they first see a puppy and then retreat in leg-hugging, face-shielding fear when the puppy starts to jump on them, Elmo can evoke the same response. Over time, I’ve learned to think quickly on my feet, to gauge the kinds of responses I’m getting from a child and either tone down or amp up Elmo’s enthusiasm level accordingly. I constantly have to remind myself that even though they’ve seen Elmo countless times on television, they’re meeting him face-to-face for the very first time.
The funny thing is, no two kids are alike. I’ve seen the quiet ones respond with smiles and giggles that escalate to a full-on Elmo love attack — the eardrum-piercing, vibrating, arms-wide, hugging and squeezing and kissing frontal assault. Other shy kids need a little bit of time to warm up to Elmo and his “de-monster-ative” displays of affection. But in the end, they all come around.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

“My people have been lost sheep. Their shepherds have led them astray; They have turned them away on the mountains. They have gone from mountain to hill; They have forgotten their resting place” –Jeremiah 50:6

It is interesting to watch people. Have you ever sat in the mall and just watched? There are those who know where they are going and what they are looking for. These folk are moving along at a near run heading to their destination. Then there are those who are just not in a big hurry. What ever the reason, they are wandering the halls looking right and left to see what they can see in the windows. When they enter a store, they float from department to department looking this way and that. On occasion they find something and buy it, but it is the experience of shopping they enjoy the most.

Another group of individuals also inhabit the malls. These are folk that have no idea where they are, what they are looking for, or where to find it. They are the “Lost Mall Walkers.” If you find yourself behind one of these individuals, you may be trapped in the slow lane for many feet.

While this latter group is interesting in the mall, they are dangerous on the streets. These are the drivers who turn right from the left turn lane. They never use turn signals. They wander from lane to lane drifting in the direction they happen to be looking at the moment. You never know what they are going to do. It is impossible to predict the outcome of an encounter with them. They cause more accidents – and never seem to be involved in one themselves. They honestly believe they are GOOD DRIVERS!

There is something that is even more dangerous than a lost driver. The lost Christian! A lost Christian is the one who floats from church to church looking for the perfect preacher/teacher. They are not concerned about doctrine – they are interested in how they feel. If a preacher makes them feel good, they stick around for a while. If someone offends their tender sensibilities, they storm off to the next congregation.

The danger of this is that they never go quietly. They are the first to criticize, and the last to tithe. They offer no hesitation to tell everyone within shouting distance how crude and insensitive the folk at ABC Church are. What’s more, in doing so, they often keep people from finding the love and mercy they so desperately need.

Should you know people like this, watch out when you pass them! But, even more importantly, do what you can to love them. It could be that you will be the one who helps them find their way to the foot of the cross.

LEFTOVERS

Kids don’t jump on the bed, because you never know where you are going to land!

An eight-year-old boy from Germany is fortunate to be alive after jumping on his bed and bouncing out a second floor window! Alexander and his sister Jennifer were supposed to be sleeping when they decided to have a jumping contest on his twin bed. Alexander bounced a little too much and went flying out the window. Fortunately, the youngster landed in a bush outside his grandparents’ house and despite a 15-feet fall escaped with only minor back injuries.

LIFE… LIVE IT

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF FACEBOOK

(From TheFrisky.com)

1. Thou shall not post or tag friends on embarrassing or incriminating photos.  This is what yearbooks or scrapbooks are for — things that exist on dusty shelves for a select few to enjoy and mock — not the internet, where potential employers and lovers can be scared away.

2. Thou shall not post photo or video updates of thy children’s potty training.

Just don’t. It’s gross, embarrassing, and demeaning to the kids.

3. Thou shall not use Facebook to converse with thine own significant other.

Say what you need to say in person, over the phone, on IM, or email. No one else cares or needs to follow your conversation or relationship drama/boasting.

4. Thou shall not endlessly self-promote.  A link to an article, TV appearance, or a newspaper mention every once in a blue moon is fine. A daily reminder that you need votes for the “Mad Men” walk-on part competition is just obnoxious.

5. Thou shall not propose, ask someone out, or dump anyone via wall messages or status updates.  What. Is. Wrong with people?

6. Thou shall not IM anyone you haven’t spoken to in over a decade.  Once, I was browsing on Facebook and got an IM from someone I hadn’t spoken to since high school. “How’s it going?” he said, “What’s new?”  What’s new? Since 1987? Um, well, I got my driver’s license, for one thing. Don’t put people in a position where they have to: a) quickly sum up the last decade of their lives in four or five sentences, and b) act like they care about your life.

7. Thou shall not stalk exes and/or ex’s new loves.  Not only is it damaging to your own well-being, it’s, like, kinda psycho. So, just don’t. Go for a jog or join a book club or something.

8. Thou shall not use Facebook as a diet and workout diary.  Seriously, no one cares if you ate a salad for dinner last night and ran 3.1 miles before work this morning. Who are you trying to impress? Plus, go eat a muffin.

9. Thou shall not “spoil” TV shows in one’s status update.  Rudeness!

10. Thou shall post clear, updated photos of thyself.  Why else do you think people from your past are friending you in the first place?!

JUST FOR FUN

SCENT OF A CHILD

A couple from the UK have named all three of their children after perfumes. 

Parents Danny and Dominique Regan have an eight-year old son Klein, 13-month old daughter Angel and new-born baby girl Dior.  The couple insists they didn’t realize the connection until recently.  Danny found it funny since they indeed have Calvin Klein and Christian Dior perfume on hand and apparently his mother’s favorite scent is Angel.  ***MARLAR: It’s a good thing they discovered this early… they were about to add two more names to the list – “Old Spice” and “Leather!”

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOU’RE A BACKSLIDER

  • The last three worship services you’ve attended have all been on Christmas Eve.

  • The last time you read the Bible there were only three Gospels.

  • The last 3,243 prayers you’ve made all ended with the phrase, “and bless this food to our body’s use.”

  • The last time the offering was passed you seriously considered “borrowing” a few bucks.

  • The bumper sticker on your car says, “I’m a Christian, but I’m NOT honking for anyone!”

  • The last time you were at a Church potluck, casseroles and jellied salads hadn’t yet been invented.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

MILK IT FOR ALL IT’S WORTH

A dairy trade association says the term “soy milk” is misleading and the makers of soy-based drinks ought to stop using it. The Arlington, Va.-based National Milk Producers Federation is calling on the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to restrict use of the word milk saying federal regulations limit the term to the stuff that comes from dairy cows. The dairy group’s initiative caught the American Soybean Association by surprise. ASA spokesman Bob Callanan wonders whether the dairy group would seek similar restrictions on such products as goat’s milk, and coconut milk.  ***MARLAR: Hmm, I guess that means milk of magnesia is gone too!

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Stacy Koltiska is no longer a cafeteria worker at Wylandville Elementary School, in the town of Eighty Four, Pennsylvania. While she says she loves her job, she quit out of disgust saying she can no longer take hot meals away from kids who can’t pay for them. Apparently a new school policy requires workers to refuse hot meals to kids whose parents owe $25 or more for lunches. If they are in kindergarten to grade 6, they are allowed to have bread and a slice of “government cheese.” Older kids owing $25 or more get no lunch at all. Koltiska says the “lunch shaming” policy has forced her to take hot meals from kids, throw them away, and still charge them for the meal. In a Facebook post Koltiska wrote: “The first week of school on Friday, I had to take a little first grade boys chicken and give him this ‘cheese sandwich. I will never forget the look on his face and then his eyes welled up with tears.” District Superintendent Matthew Daniels says the policy isn’t intended to shame or embarrass children and it doesn’t target kids who qualify for free lunches. He also notes that before the policy was instituted, around 300 families owed the district $60,000 to $100,000 annually, and now it is down to fewer than 70 families owing less than $20,000.

A church and its pastor provided hope where there was little and gave unconditional love when it was needed most during south Louisiana’s record flooding. According to the Baptist Press, in spite of battling rising floodwater himself, pastor Pat Deshotel and members of First Baptist Church in Welsh set aside their own problems to aid their neighbors. Special attention was given to a pair of widows in the town of 3,000. Each lost a husband just before the rain and flooding began in mid-August. First Baptist also became a safe haven for others, distributing critical supplies, hot meals and “a little muscle.” http://ow.ly/IIkB304muHW

Imagine nearly everyone in the world holding a “gospel tract” that they check several times a day. That’s what technology provides for believers who want to share their faith. With most of the modern world referring to their mobile devices, there’s an app that tells about Jesus in a fresh, winsome way—often using the testimonies of celebrities. It’s a website and an app called “yesHeis,” the brainchild of a wealthy British businessman with a heart for ministry. http://bit.ly/1BoYdnt

Time Magazine says there is a weekly exercise that could change your career. No, it’s not pushups or running over your lunch break. According to the report, it’s picking up a pen and sending out one hand written note each week. The author did just that and was amazed by the response received from the recipients. Although the author wrote each note without expecting anything in return, nearly every person that received a hand written was so moved that they did something in return. http://ti.me/1HVXRtN

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” –Mark Twain

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 23, 2016…

The Magnificent Seven—Here comes another remake of this classic western.  Denzel Washington plays the leader of this group of mercenaries with Chris Pratt as his right hand gun. It is the familiar story of a group of gunslingers who protect a defenseless town from the bad guys. Also in the cast are Ethan Hawke and Haley Bennett. The original film with William Holden came out in 1960 and that was adapted from “Seven Samuari” by Akira Kurosawa. “The Magnificent Seven” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

Storks—In this animated film, what to do when your boss (the Head Stork) decides you shouldn’t deliver babies anymore, but you still have one child left.  Such is the dilemma of Andy Samberg as the lone stork and Kelsey Grammar as his boss. Katie Crown is also in the cast. “Storks” is rated PG. No rating.

The Dressmaker—Rosalie Ham wrote quite a novel about a dressmaker and it is a story of good luck and bad luck. Kate Winslet takes on this role of a woman who has sewing skills and decides to open a dress shop in the far reaches of Australia, thus giving woman there a chance at fashionable attire. Bold move. Also in the cast is Liam Hemsworth. “The Dressmaker” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for Kate Winslet fans.

The Hollars—John Krasinski (“The Office”) writes and directs this film about a man going to visit his family and finding they are still as dysfunctional as usual. The cast includes Sharito Copley, Anna Kendrick and Charlie Day. “The Hollars” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Beauty And The Beast—Here is, yet again, another re-telling of the famed story of a handsome man turned into a beast, and trying to find someone to love him so he can turn back. The stars are Vincent Cassel and Lea Seydoux. No music here. “Beauty And The Beast” is rated PG-13. No rating.

Dough (opening in select cities)—Jonathan Pryce (“Game of Thrones”) is the Jewish baker, Nat, who tries to keep his business going by avoiding a greedy real estate developer. When he takes on a young assistant from Dakar (Jerome Holder), things look bright.  Or are they?  Also in the cast is Natasha Gordon.  “Dough” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for bread-making fans.

SEPTEMBER 30, 2016…

Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children is based on the famous novel (first of several books in the series) about special “gifted” children who are sometimes hunted for their abilities.

Deepwater Horizon and the film concerns the oil spill that was top news for months and months.

Masterminds follows a true story about armored car drivers who want to do a robbery. Stars Kristin Wiig and Owen Wilson.

Denial stars Rachel Weisz in a real life court case about the Holocaust.

(new opening date) Masterminds is about two armored truck drivers, one of which is  Zach Galifianakis. A comedy.

The Queen of Katwa is about a young woman from Uganda who becomes a chess champion. True story.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.