September 28, 2016: Wednesday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160928

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I do hereby solemnly promise to be entertaining and informative. I do not guarantee, however, to make sense.  If you’re gonna insist that I make sense, then just forget about it.

I have had some extremely vivid dreams the last few nights. Sadly, none of them have included chocolate.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.” –Matthew 21:22

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? –1 John 3:17

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. — 2 Corinthians 13:14

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. — 1 Chronicles 16:11

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. — 2 Corinthians 9:11

Thought: Why does God bless us with riches? So we can share those riches generously with those in need and so we can bring thanksgiving to God.

Prayer: Father, thank you for providing me with so many blessings. May my use of your riches bring you glory and bring others a true and genuine blessing that will touch their hearts with your grace. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Hebrews 9:28 NIV = so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – SEPTEMBER 28, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
87 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is WORLD EGG DAY.  ***Although, if you see “egg” as a verb rather than a noun, you might just need a lawyer.

Today is NATIONAL BRING YOUR TEDDY BEAR TO WORK AND SCHOOL DAY, a day to recognize the value of Teddy bears as stress relievers.  ***Studies have shown that one in five single men still sleep with a teddy bear.

Today is NATIONAL FLUFFERNUTTER DAY. ***Part of a balanced breakfast!

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Banned Websites Awareness Day

Fish Tank Floorshow Night

National Drink Beer Day

National Good Neighbor Day

International Right To Know Day

World Rabies Day

National Women’s Health & Fitness Day

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29

MAGS Day

Mutation Day

National Biscotti Day

National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birth Day

International Coffee Day

VFW Day

World Heart Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30

Ask a Stupid Question Day

Blasphemy Day

Hug a Vegetarian Day

International Translation Day

National Mulled Cider Day

Save The Koala Day

Support Purple For Platelets Day

Vegan Baking Day

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 01

CD Player Day

Cephalopod Awareness Day

Fire Pup Day

Frugal Fun Day

International Day of Older Persons

Inter-American Water Day

International Music Day

Model T Day

National Book It! Day

National Lace Day

National Walk your Dog Day

Vegan Baking Day

World Card Making Day

World Vegetarian Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 02

Change a Light Day

Country Inn Bed & Breakfast Day

Guardian Angels Day

Intergeneration Day

International African Diaspora Day

International Blessings of the Fishing Fleet Day

International Day of Non-Violence

Islamic New Year

National Custodial Workers Day

Phileas Fogg’s Wager Day

Rosh Hashanah

World Communion Day

World Farm Animals Day

MONDAY, OCTOBER 03

Child Health Day

Day of Unity

Techie’s Day

World Day of Architecture

World Day of Bullying Prevention (Blue Shirt Day)

World Habitat Day

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 04

Blessing of the Animals Day (Blessing of the Pets Day / World Pet Day)

Improve Your Office Day

Kanelbullens Day (Cinnamon Roll Day)

National Taco Day

National Ship In a Bottle Day

Ten-Four Day

Vodka Day

World Animal Day

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 05

Balloons Around The World Day

International Day of No Prostitution

National Kale Day

Pet Obesity Awareness Day

Walk to School Day

World Teachers Day

ON THIS DAY

1906: Hairdresser Karl Nessler introduced the “permanent wave” at his salon in London.  ***Today it’s usually called simply a “permanent” – while a permanent wave is reserved for beauty queens in Thanksgiving parades.

1960: In his last major-league at bat, Red Sox legend Ted Williams hit a 420-foot home run.

1968: Anson, Texas, secretary Jeannie C. Riley hit #1 on the Billboard Country Music Chart with “Harper Valley P.T.A.” The Tom T. Hall song became the top single of 1968.

1988: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,777,680) to Lirida Paz of Elizabeth, New Jersey, for the Musical Potty Chair, a device that automatically plays music when a child-trainee successfully utilizes it.  *** It never really caught on though, as children became conditioned to it, and would suddenly need to use the bathroom every time someone turned on the radio.

1991: A llama conference in Hagerstown, Maryland, included a seminar entitled “Till Death Us Do Part,” offering tips on how to handle the loss of a beloved llama. More than 200 llama lovers attended the conference.

1991: Ropin’ the Wind by Garth Brooks became the first country music album to debut at #1 on Billboard’s pop album chart.

1996: During their wedding at Spokane’s First Presbyterian Church, Craig and Jill Looper’s vow-sealing kiss set off the fire alarm. Or maybe it was an electrical problem. None of the 350 guests was injured, but the wedding cake was ruined. The couple signed their license on the hood of a fire truck.

1996: Baltimore Oriole Roberto Alomar was suspended five games for spitting in the face of umpire John Hirschbeck during an argument over a called third strike.

1999: The so-called “Iron Police Chief” known for commanding Albania’s toughest local police force was ordered back to school for failing a Police Academy exam. Chief Edmond Koseni said he’d been too busy cleaning up Elbasan to cram for the test.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1704: A statute was enacted by the colony of Maryland, giving ministers the right to impose divorce on “unholy couples.”

1774: Anglican clergyman and hymn writer John Newton wrote in a letter: ‘We are always equally in danger in ourselves and always equally safe under the shadow of His wings.’

1808: Andover Theological Seminary first opened in Massachusetts, under sponsorship of the Congregational Church.

1895: At a convention in Atlanta, three Baptist groups merged to form the National Baptist Convention. It is today the largest African-American denomination in America and the world.

1934: The first issue of “The Sword of the Lord” was published. Founded by Baptist evangelist John R. Rice, 39, it became the largest independent Christian weekly for years, and was recognized by liberals as the “voice of fundamentalism.”

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Lizzy McGuire,” A Cinderella Story) Hilary Duff  29 (

    )

  • actress (Sliding Doors, Shakespeare in Love, Shallow Hal, Iron Man) Gwyneth Paltrow 44

  • actress (Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion, Mimic, Gods & Generals) Mira Sorvino 49

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1902 : Ed Sullivan

1930 : Tommy Collins

1938 : Ben E. King

1943 : Nick St. Nicholas (Steppenwolf)

1946 : Helen Shapiro

1953 : Keni Burke (The Five Stairsteps)

1955 : George Lynch (Dokken)

1959 : Alannah Currie (Thompson Twins)

1960 : Jennifer Rush

1983 : Les Claypool (Primus)

1987 : Hilary Duff

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Where do mosquitoes hang out, and what do they do when they’re not biting you?

Who knows where the bloody things hang out? Maybe at the Type O Club, where old proofreaders also go to get away from it all. Ok, I did the research. Typically, mosquitoes put the bite on you at night or, if they’re crepuscular (sounds like someone who doesn’t blow his nose, doesn’t it?), at twilight. They hate sunlight, but you probably already guessed that. During the day, they’re likely to be in the grass, on a tree, under a bridge or in a house on a wall away from light. And what are they doing when not drinking your blood or mating? Not much of anything. Well are they just hanging out or asleep? We’re not sure. If you have an itch to know, put your ear next to one and tell me if it’s snoring.
Source: DO PENGUINS HAVE KNEES? By David Feldman

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Jamie Grace says sharing who she is isn’t always easy. She has been coming to the same salon for a while but hadn’t told them she sings professionally, at least until this week. Jamie posted: Beautiful day came on the radio so I was like, “ummm… can I tell y’all something? Yeah this is me.” Jamie added: I literally don’t think they believed me.

An observation from Ruben Juarez of Tenth Avenue North: I’m convinced God’s presence is everywhere except in the parking lot at Kroger.

In celebration of the release on his latest album, American Prodigal, Crowder is out with an official note to bosses and school officials nation wide. He posted: In honor of the release of my brand new album American Prodigal, Please allow _____________ to wear crowder related attire to work/school on Friday, September 23. Select attire may include trucker hats, bandanas, flannel, and long, long beards.

Tenth Avenue North’s Jeff Owen hoped self driving cars will reduce his costs. He posted: Self driving cars means no more car insurance…right?!?

Sign up for the email newsletter from Third Day guitarist Mark Lee and get a free guide to coming up with ideas and being more creative as well. http://ow.ly/OHRj304BJ9O

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard is back. He posted this week: After a bit of a break from running earlier this year, I’m BACK and it feels so good. Seeing personal progress is key.

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard was off the grid for a few days. He says the break wasn’t planned but it still felt good. Jon quipped: rumors of my untimely death were greatly exaggerated.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A couple of artists in Europe (Katja Kublitz and Ronnie Yarisal) have created an Anger Release Machine, a vending machine stocked with breakable items like glass plates, porcelain statues, etc. When you put some coins in, the machine dispenses an item, sending it crashing against the bottom of the machine. Then, you feel better.  ***But then you get angry all over again when you’re arrested for polluting and being a public menace by sending shards of glass everywhere.

Chipotle is testing food delivery by drones.  *** Lovely, now we’re dropping weapons of mass destruction on ourselves.

Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts have split after being together for 11 years.  ***Hey, if it’s good enough for Brad and Angie…

A British woman has become one of the world’s youngest commercial airline captains at the age of 26. Kate McWilliams began flying at age 13. She joined the airline easyJet as a first officer in May 2011. She recently rose to the rank of captain after passing the airline’s command course. An easyJet spokeswoman believes McWilliams is the world’s youngest commercial airline captain.  ***She would’ve made it to the rank of Captain even earlier, but she couldn’t stop using the plane to catch flying Pokemon.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A survey found many of us have said something we regret on a first date. Why? Blame the alcohol. A third of us say something we regret, and one in five end up doing things we wish we hadn’t. ***So if you must drink and date, make sure it’s a virgin daiquiri.

People who smoke take at least 10 years off their life expectancy, according to a study in New England Journal of Medicine.  ***But then, if you’re a smoker, those last ten years would be full of coughing and hacking – so it’s no great loss.

A study finds that too much texting can be bad for your relationship. Researchers studying the types and frequency of text messages between men and women say the sexes use texting differently – and may be driving their partner away. Men who text their partners more are likely to be unhappy with the relationship, while women who text their partners more often are typically happier in the relationship and trying to reach out – but may be driving their partners away by appearing too intrusive.  *** And speaking of driving, don’t text while doing that either.

Witnessing friends’ vacations, love lives and work successes on Facebook can cause envy and trigger feelings of misery and loneliness, according to German researchers. A study conducted jointly by two German universities found rampant envy on Facebook, the world’s largest social network that now has over one billion users and has produced an unprecedented platform for social comparison. The researchers found that one in three people felt worse after visiting the site and more dissatisfied with their lives, while people who browsed without contributing were affected the most.  ***This is really surprising to me, because every third or fourth post I read on Facebook seems to be someone complaining about how much their life stinks.

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Expired Sour Cream”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Darren Marlar, “At the Beach”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were selling all of their possessions and packing up to move out of the jungle as fast as possible because they were all terrified of a giant, disgusting, loud, smelly, awful giant-footed monster! But just before everyone moved, Sully the Aardvark thought about something…

CLOSE: Oh great… so maybe the monster IS real! Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 01/02

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the jungle animals were terrified and began to panic after coming across something they’d never seen before in the jungle – they found five giant footprints to a terrible, awful, disgusting, ugly, smelly, terrifying creature! Maybe. Unfortunately, nobody’s really seen the creature itself.

CLOSE: Maybe Nozzles is right… we really don’t know what made the footprints – or even if they’re real! Right now we’re just scared of stuff we’re imagining! Just imagine what will happen next… As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Looking to increase business for your company is usually a good thing… assuming you don’t work for a company of firefighters.

James Karl was a seasonal firefighter during the summer. Being part time help, he only got paid when he actually had a fire to put out. Thinking he might drum up a little extra business for himself, James started a couple of fires in the forest which his unit was called upon to put out. That in itself qualifies him as a moron, but he went one step further. On the days that he set a fire, James would start the fire engine to get it warmed up before the rest of the crew were even called in, making his fellow firemen just a little suspicious.

TOP TEN

TOP 10 OXYMORONS

10. Government Organization

9. Alone Together

8. Dodge Ram

7. Taped Live

6. Plastic Glasses

5. Tight Slacks

4. Pretty Ugly

3. Tax Return

2. Virtual Reality

1. Microsoft Works

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Police catch a man in his boxer shorts!

FILE #1: Robert Martin made a number of errors in his quest to rob a gas station. First, he ran out of gas before he ever got there, leaving himself stranded on the side of the road in a stolen car. Driving a stolen car to the robbery was his second error. But his third and fatal error was standing by the stolen car and waving to a police car that passed by. The cops ran a quick license check, discovered the car was stolen and arrested him.

FILE #2: Police smashed down the door of a man’s flat before realizing they’d raided the wrong address. Paul Forbes was buttering toast in his boxer shorts when officers told him to put his hands up and to get on the floor. Police have apologized. They realized the mistake when they checked his ID. They later arrested another man at a different address.

FILE #3: Abe Lincoln is wanted on suspicion of robbing as many as ten stores. Okay. so it’s not really Abe Lincoln, but just a crook disguising himself as the former president. The man, wearing a false beard, wire rimmed sunglasses and a dark overcoat, is using the Lincoln disguise to rob area gas stations and retail stores of hundreds of dollars in a Washington DC suburb. Police say the disguise bears a striking resemblance to the 16th president.

STRANGE LAW: In New York City, “It is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose, at the same time extending and wiggling the fingers of his hand.”

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Can a gas leak be considered battery?

As if getting a DUI wasn’t enough, a man arrested for driving under the influence got in a lot more trouble at the police station. Police stopped Jose Cruz on Route 60 in South Charleston for driving with his headlights off. Then, he failed sobriety tests and was arrested. When police were trying to get fingerprints, police say Cruz moved closer to the officer and passed gas. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong. Cruz is now charged with battery on a police officer, as well as DUI and obstruction.

PHONER PHUN

From theknot.com here are some of the most awkward wedding moments ever. Here are some stories of the most awkward scenes guests have witnessed at a wedding:

  • “When the bride and groom cut the cake and tried to feed each other, the groom actually bit the bride’s finger so hard that she bled. He kept eating small bites of cake while her family came up to fix her finger.”

  • “I was at a wedding where the groom’s father threw a tantrum and left halfway through the reception. The groom then got really drunk and cried for a good hour or so.”

  • “I went to a wedding where the father of the groom made a speech that included statistics on divorce rates.”

  • “A few extremely rude guests hissed at the buffet-style dinner and walked out 10 minutes after they sat down, claiming they were going to go out to eat. Awkward!”

Do you have a cringe-worthy wedding moment of your own?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: In the Bible, what is the most frequently used name/description for Jesus?

ANSWER: Son of Man (This appears 82 times in the New Testament alone: 81 times in the Gospels and once in Acts. The name Son of Man first appears in the Old Testament in Daniel 7:13, as a messianic prophecy: “I saw the night visions, and behold, one like the Son of Man came with the clouds of heaven.” Son of Man is taken to signify the humanity of Jesus, as opposed to son of God, which refers to His divinity.)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How much weight in bananas does the average American eat each year?
ANSWER: 24.5 pounds per person.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. There are 56 officially recognized Native American tribes. (False – there are 556)

2. American green cards aren’t really green. (True – the last time American Green cards were actually green was 1964.)

3. The targets in both skeet and trap shooting, commonly called clay pigeons, are actually made from tar and pitch. (True)

4. While almost everyone knows that Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, few know that he was also the last on the moon. (False – Gene Cernan was the last man on the moon.)

5. A humpback whale’s milk is 54 percent fat. (True)

6. When wearing a Kimono Japanese women wear special socks. (True – they sock are called “Tabi”. The big toe of the sock is separated from the rest of the toes, like a thumb from a mitten.)

7. Petey, the beloved pit bull of “Our Gang” fame is buried at historic Clara Glen pet cemetery in Linwood, New Jersey. (True)

8. Only one satellite has been ever been destroyed by a meteor. (True – the European Space Agency’s Olympus in 1993.)

9. 1691 was the most recent year that could be written both upside-down and rightside-up and appear the same. (False, it was 1961. The next year that this will be possible will be 6009.)

10. It takes forty-eight minutes to cool hot chocolate into a Hershey’s Kiss. (False – it takes eighteen minutes)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SUPER EARTH FOUND WITH SUPER _________ (HUMANS)

More than 50 new alien planets — including a Super Earth with Super Humans has been discovered by the European Southern Observatory (ESO).

The newfound haul of alien planets includes 16 Super Earths, including one in which researchers have spotted more than a dozen Super Humans, who are at least 50 feet tall, according to researchers.

The planet, called HD 85512 b, has captured astronomers’ attention because it orbits at the edge of its star’s habitable zone, suggesting conditions could be ripe for the Super Humans to make a trip to Earth.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn’t run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn’t see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. “I’m sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road.”
But the priest said, “Don’t worry, son. I got him with my door.”

JOKE #2

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one-day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, “Yes, but in those days there were only 13.”

JOKE #3

The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he’d heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.

When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, “What’s the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?”

“My sense of humor is fine,” he said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m quitting tomorrow.”

USELESS FACTS

After the “Popeye” comic strip was launched in 1931, spinach consumption went up by thirty-three percent in the United States.  ***Because in 1931, giant forearms were considered sexy.

A survey shows most Americans have fewer close friends than ever.  ***Have they tried Facebook?

FEATURED FUNNIES

Late one night in Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded.

Indignant, the potential victim replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”

“In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

GIVE ME MY C

A Japanese company says people will soon be able to get their daily dose of Vitamin C simply by wearing a T-shirt.

Feeling a little sluggish today? Feeling down in the mouth? Under the weather? No problem… wear a T-shirt! A Japanese company has developed a fiber containing a chemical called pro-vitamin, which turns into Vitamin C on contact with human skin. They’ve applied the fiber to T-shirts, and these T-shirts have the equivalent vitamin content of two lemons and will be effective after being thrown in the wash 30 times! A company spokesman says the product is aimed at women who are interested in skin care. ***MARLAR: So long as you don’t mind turning orange.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said—Yesterday is gone……

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet unborn….

This leaves only one day—TODAY! Anybody can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities—YESTERDAY and TOMORROW—that we break down.

It is not the experience of today that drives people mad; it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

–Wayne Eads

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

FEARING THE WORST

READ: Galatians 6:2-10

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. —Galatians 6:2

When I learned I needed chemotherapy, my biggest fear was losing my hair. I knew this was a vain thought and should have been a minor concern, but I rationalized that it was okay to grieve what the Bible calls a woman’s glory (1 Cor. 11:15).

I knew, however, that the loss I was grieving was not my glory but my identity. My hair, which reached to my knees, was so much a part of who I was that I was afraid of losing myself when I lost it. In the past I’d had nightmares about having my hair cut. What would happen when it was really gone? I feared the worst.

But the worst never happened. I had my hair cut short—a little anxiety but no nightmares. And then it fell out—some sadness, but no despondency.

Several weeks later my dear friend Marge said to me, “Julie, I can’t tell you how often I have grieved the loss of your hair. It’s so much a part of you.”

Suddenly I realized that Marge was fulfilling the command of Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens.” She was coming alongside me with prayers and empathy to ease my burden.

Satan wants to defeat us with heavy burdens, but fellow believers by their love and support can minimize the suffering he causes. —Julie Ackerman Link

Thank You, heavenly Father, for a family of believers
who carry our burdens when we are weak. Thank You for
those who truly “weep with those who weep.” Amen.

Bearing one another’s burden helps make the burden bearable.

LEFTOVERS

EYE 2 EYE

You know that feeling of excitement you get when you see an attractive person across a crowded room, and they look right back at you? Scientists decided to do a little research on that feeling.

“Their eyes met across the crowded room.” Lines like that are more than just a staple of romance novels along with swoons and handsome heroes. Scientists at University College London say those furtive glances stimulate activity in a part of the brain linked to rewards. A neurologist said, “What we’ve shown is that when we make eye contact with an attractive person, the brain area that predicts rewards starts firing.” ***MARLAR: This also explains why I see so many people crying around me.  Same part of the brain.

LIFE… LIVE IT

SMILE – BECAUSE ANGRY PEOPLE DIE YOUNG.

A fascinating study from Germany reveals that cynical, hostile folks are five times more likely to go to their graves before the age of 50 than even-tempered people are. The study showed that it wasn’t necessarily the “hurry-hurry, type-A” people who suffered from high blood pressure and heart disease, it was the angry people.  ***MARLAR: Boy, that kinda ticks you off, doesn’t it?

JUST FOR FUN

WEIRD DOG PRODUCTS

Remember the good old days when you would just strap a leash on Fido and go for a walk in the park? Leashes are so yesterday.

  • THE DOGGIE BAG PUPPY PURSE — Carry it by the handles or fling the straps around your shoulder or even waist, it enables the dog lover to go out and about with a little furry friend literally by their side. The idea is unlikely to appeal to traditionalists who believe dogs should be walked not carried, but in today’s consumer society pet accessories have become big business.  Cost: $70- $90

  • THE POOPSADAISY — The Poopsadaisy is a bag that straps to your dog’s neck giving you a place to store its poop while out for a walk. When “Buddy” decides to take a dump, you pick it up with a plastic “doggie bag”, tie it off, and store it in the Poopsadaisy. In other words, “You dump it, you haul it.”  Cost: varies.

  • THE DOG-POWERED SCOOTER — The human is in total control of the speed and direction of the scooter because the dog is harnessed inside of the frame and subject to its steering and braking force. This also simplifies the animal’s “choices” and reduces the level of “training” required of the animal. Simply harness the dog and clip them into the frame and off you go.

  • THE K9 KALMER — This is the only anti-barking device on the market that does not use pain or irritation to alter a dog’s behavior. What makes the device unique is that it uses proprietary ultrasonic musical compositions — songs that are inaudible to humans to calm anxious pets.

  • THE SNACKSHOTZ TREAT LAUNCHER — This high-tech slingshot will launch Discos treats up to 12 feet.  Of course, you could always throw them further than that, but then where would the techie-fun be?

FUN LIST

FIVE STEPS TO A HEALTHY DIET

A.  List your ten favorite foods.

B.  List your five favorite beverages.

C.  List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees.

D.  List water.

E.  Avoid A & B; eat only C; drink only D.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

POWER OF THE INTERNET


A woman in Boston was chatting with a man from Wisconsin when she told him that she was trying to kill herself. Jeff Erlanger only knew the woman from the Internet and thought that the message was a hoax, but he called local police, then Boston police, but he only knew the woman’s first name, her AOL screen name, and city. With no more information, police were unable to help so he called AOL who will release a member’s name and address in an emergency. Minutes later, police arrived at the woman’s home to find her with fresh cuts on her wrists. She was taken to Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center for treatment.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

We know that naps are a great way to relieve stress while boosting mood and productivity. And new research suggests that a little midday shut-eye can bring a dramatic improvement in our ability to retain information. According to the Huffington Post, Researchers found that an hour long nap improves memory performance fivefold. For the study the researchers tested the memory of 41 volunteers who had been asked to remember specific words and word pairs. Then, half of the participants took an hour long nap while the others watched a DVD. In addition to revealing that those who enjoyed a little snooze performed five times as well as those who hadn’t, the results showed that the volunteers’ post-nap memory was just as good as it had been before the nap. http://huff.to/1N2E7aN

Lucas, Lauren, Leith, Lindsay and Logan Curtis live, go to school and work together— they’re quintuplets from Michigan who all have jobs at the same McDonald’s. According to a report in Yahoo News, customers usually don’t realize that the non-identical siblings are related. Leith, Logan and Lucas work in the kitchen, Lauren works at the counter and drive-thru and Lindsey works in the lobby. “We call it McCurtis,” the quintuplets’ mom joked of the name of the fast-food joint. http://yhoo.it/2d94DX4

A pair of identical twin sisters from Minnesota have finally been able to thank the man whose life-saving donation gave them the ability to be kids again. According to Yahoo News, Elizabeth and Kathryn Girtler, both 9, were born without any blood platelets. A bone marrow transplant to alter the girls’ DNA was their only chance for a cure. Elizabeth had the transplant first at the age of 3 in 2011 and Kathryn followed at age 4 in 2012. This year their doctor submitted their story to Be the Match in hopes of setting up a meeting between them and their then anonymous donor. The man, Ingo Gruda of Munster, Germany, was flown to Minnesota to meet with the girls over four years after their transplants. http://abcn.ws/2cVshbD

Be careful what you like on Facebook. A Pakistani Christian teen has been arrested and charged with blasphemy against Islam for “liking” a photo on Facebook. The 16-year-old boy reportedly liked an “inappropriate” photo showing the Kaaba, the giant black cube that Muslims walk around in Mecca. He was arrested because a Muslim thought his Facebook post was insulting. Under Pakistan’s blasphemy laws, anyone accused of insulting Islam can be sentenced to death. ***Ah yes, Islam… the religion of peace.  http://go.cbn.com/12950

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If you can’t beat your computer at chess, try kick-boxing. –Emo Phillips

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

SEPTEMBER 23, 2016…

The Magnificent Seven—Here comes another remake of this classic western.  Denzel Washington plays the leader of this group of mercenaries with Chris Pratt as his right hand gun. It is the familiar story of a group of gunslingers who protect a defenseless town from the bad guys. Also in the cast are Ethan Hawke and Haley Bennett. The original film with William Holden came out in 1960 and that was adapted from “Seven Samuari” by Akira Kurosawa. “The Magnificent Seven” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

Storks—In this animated film, what to do when your boss (the Head Stork) decides you shouldn’t deliver babies anymore, but you still have one child left.  Such is the dilemma of Andy Samberg as the lone stork and Kelsey Grammar as his boss. Katie Crown is also in the cast. “Storks” is rated PG. No rating.

The Dressmaker—Rosalie Ham wrote quite a novel about a dressmaker and it is a story of good luck and bad luck. Kate Winslet takes on this role of a woman who has sewing skills and decides to open a dress shop in the far reaches of Australia, thus giving woman there a chance at fashionable attire. Bold move. Also in the cast is Liam Hemsworth. “The Dressmaker” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for Kate Winslet fans.

The Hollars—John Krasinski (“The Office”) writes and directs this film about a man going to visit his family and finding they are still as dysfunctional as usual. The cast includes Sharito Copley, Anna Kendrick and Charlie Day. “The Hollars” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Beauty And The Beast—Here is, yet again, another re-telling of the famed story of a handsome man turned into a beast, and trying to find someone to love him so he can turn back. The stars are Vincent Cassel and Lea Seydoux. No music here. “Beauty And The Beast” is rated PG-13. No rating.

Dough (opening in select cities)—Jonathan Pryce (“Game of Thrones”) is the Jewish baker, Nat, who tries to keep his business going by avoiding a greedy real estate developer. When he takes on a young assistant from Dakar (Jerome Holder), things look bright.  Or are they?  Also in the cast is Natasha Gordon.  “Dough” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for bread-making fans.

SEPTEMBER 30, 2016…

Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children is based on the famous novel (first of several books in the series) about special “gifted” children who are sometimes hunted for their abilities.

Deepwater Horizon and the film concerns the oil spill that was top news for months and months.

Masterminds follows a true story about armored car drivers who want to do a robbery. Stars Kristin Wiig and Owen Wilson.

Denial stars Rachel Weisz in a real life court case about the Holocaust.

(new opening date) Masterminds is about two armored truck drivers, one of which is  Zach Galifianakis. A comedy.

The Queen of Katwa is about a young woman from Uganda who becomes a chess champion. True story.

# # # # #

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.