***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS! (As an ONAIRprep subscriber, you can gain access to all of the work parts for the Daily Dose of Weird News, allowing you to edit for length and content – and also receive a custom tag specifically for your station or show which you can have updated at any time… ABSOLUTELY FREE! IT’S PART OF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION! Email me to get more information, FTP access and your free customized tag!)
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I do hereby solemnly promise to be entertaining and informative. I do not guarantee, however, to make sense. If you’re gonna insist that I make sense, then just forget about it.
I have had some extremely vivid dreams the last few nights. Sadly, none of them have included chocolate.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.” –Matthew 21:22
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? –1 John 3:17
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. — 2 Corinthians 13:14
Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. — 1 Chronicles 16:11
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. — 2 Corinthians 9:11
Thought: Why does God bless us with riches? So we can share those riches generously with those in need and so we can bring thanksgiving to God.
Prayer: Father, thank you for providing me with so many blessings. May my use of your riches bring you glory and bring others a true and genuine blessing that will touch their hearts with your grace. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Hebrews 9:28 NIV = so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.
TODAY IS THURSDAY – SEPTEMBER 28, 2017
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 87 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is WORLD EGG DAY. ***Although, if you refer to the word “egg” as a verb rather than a noun, you might just need a lawyer.
Today is NATIONAL BRING YOUR TEDDY BEAR TO WORK AND SCHOOL DAY, a day to recognize the value of Teddy bears as stress relievers. ***Side note – studies have shown that one in five single men still sleep with a teddy bear. Pansies.
Today is NATIONAL FLUFFERNUTTER DAY. ***Part of a balanced breakfast!
TODAY IS ALSO…
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 29
Ask A Stupid Question Day
Hug A Vegetarian Day
International Coffee Day
Mutation Day (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birth Day
National Gay Men HIV AIDS Awareness Day
Save The Koala Day
Support Purple for Platelets Day
Vegan Baking Day
World Heart Day
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 30
Fall Astronomy Day
Family Health and Fitness Day USA
International Translation Day
National Ghost Hunting Day
National Public Lands Day
National Mulled Cider Day
Nickelodeon’s Worldwide Day of Play
Save Your Photos Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 01
CD Player Day
Change A Light Day
Country Inn Bed & Breakfast Day
Fire Pup Day
International Coffee Day
International Day of Older Persons
International African Diaspora Day
International Blessings of The Fishing Fleet Day
International Music Day
Model T Day
National Book It! Day
National Lace Day
National Walk Your Dog Day
Vegan Baking Day
World Vegetarian Day
World Communion Day
MONDAY, OCTOBER 02
Child Health Day
Day of Unity
Guardian Angels Day
International Day of Non-violence
National Custodial Workers Day
Peanuts (Cartoon) Day
Phileas Fogg’s Wager Day
World Day of Architecture
World Day of Bullying Prevention / Blue Shirt Day
World Farm Animals Day
World Habitat Day
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 03
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 04
Balloons Around The World Day
Blessing of The Animals Day (aka Blessing of the Pets Day, World Pet Day)
Improve Your Office Day
Kanelbullens Dag (Cinnamon Roll Day)
National Kale Day
National Pumpkin Seed Day
National Taco Day
National Ship in A Bottle Day
Pet Obesity Awareness Day
Sukkot (at Sundown)
Walk To School Day
World Animal Day
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 05
International Day of No Prostitution
National Depression Screening Day
World Teachers Day
ON THIS DAY
1906: Hairdresser Karl Nessler introduced the “permanent wave” at his salon in London. ***Today it’s usually called simply a “permanent” – while a permanent wave is reserved for beauty queens in Thanksgiving parades.
1960: In his last major-league at bat, Red Sox legend Ted Williams hit a 420-foot home run.
1968: Anson, Texas, secretary Jeannie C. Riley hit #1 on the Billboard Country Music Chart with “Harper Valley P.T.A.” The Tom T. Hall song became the top single of 1968.
1988: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,777,680) to Lirida Paz of Elizabeth, New Jersey, for the Musical Potty Chair, a device that automatically plays music when a child-trainee successfully utilizes it. ***It never really caught on though, as children became conditioned to it, and would suddenly need to use the bathroom every time someone turned on the radio.
1991: A llama conference in Hagerstown, Maryland, included a seminar entitled “Till Death Us Do Part,” offering tips on how to handle the loss of a beloved llama. More than 200 llama lovers attended the conference.
1991: Ropin’ the Wind by Garth Brooks became the first country music album to debut at #1 on Billboard’s pop album chart.
1996: During their wedding at Spokane’s First Presbyterian Church, Craig and Jill Looper’s vow-sealing kiss set off the fire alarm. Or maybe it was an electrical problem. None of the 350 guests was injured, but the wedding cake was ruined. The couple signed their license on the hood of a fire truck.
1996: Baltimore Oriole Roberto Alomar was suspended five games for spitting in the face of umpire John Hirschbeck during an argument over a called third strike.
1999: The so-called “Iron Police Chief” known for commanding Albania’s toughest local police force was ordered back to school for failing a Police Academy exam. Chief Edmond Koseni said he’d been too busy cleaning up Elbasan to cram for the test.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
actress (“Lizzy McGuire,” A Cinderella Story) Hilary Duff 30 (
actress (Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion, Mimic, Gods & Generals) Mira Sorvino 50
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1902 : Ed Sullivan
1930 : Tommy Collins
1938 : Ben E. King
1943 : Nick St. Nicholas (Steppenwolf)
1946 : Helen Shapiro
1953 : Keni Burke (The Five Stairsteps)
1955 : George Lynch (Dokken)
1959 : Alannah Currie (Thompson Twins)
1960 : Jennifer Rush
1983 : Les Claypool (Primus)
1987 : Hilary Duff
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
Where do mosquitoes hang out, and what do they do when they’re not biting you?
Who knows where the bloody things hang out? Maybe at the Type O Club, where old proofreaders also go to get away from it all. Ok, I did the research. Typically, mosquitoes put the bite on you at night or, if they’re crepuscular (sounds like someone who doesn’t blow his nose, doesn’t it?), at twilight. They hate sunlight, but you probably already guessed that. During the day, they’re likely to be in the grass, on a tree, under a bridge or in a house on a wall away from light. And what are they doing when not drinking your blood or mating? Not much of anything. Well are they just hanging out or asleep? We’re not sure. If you have an itch to know, put your ear next to one and tell me if it’s snoring.
Source: DO PENGUINS HAVE KNEES? By David Feldman
(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
That Christian numerologist who predicted the world was going to end last weekend has updated his prediction to October 21. ***Because of course he has.
Dying pro wrestler Ric Flair tells People Magazine he’s not proud of sleeping with over 10,000 women over the years, because he doesn’t want his grandkids to know. ***I think you gave up that goal when you told People Magazine about it.
For the first time, Twitter is explaining why President Trump’s tweets don’t get pulled when they seem to continually violate the same rules the rest of us have to follow. It basically comes down to this: Because he’s the president! In a blog post and series of tweets, the company said that it considers “a number of factors” in deciding whether a tweet violates the rules, including “‘newsworthiness and whether a Tweet is of public interest.” Given that Trump is in fact president, everything he tweets could thus be considered newsworthy so it seems he gets blanket protection for all his tweets. ***This news is going to do nothing to deflate his ego.
In Russia, Burger King is asking to ban the movie “It” because they say the clown looks too much like Ronald McDonald. ***Wouldn’t that be a good thing if the clown is scaring the crap out of everybody? I’d think Burger King would like that.
A man in China was fined for driving a car without a windshield and using a plastic stool as a front seat. ***Now you know why China doesn’t have a powerful automotive industry export business.
There is no need to worry when the kids are out for a drive with grandpa and grandma. Provided with data from an insurance company, researchers from The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia analyzed injuries involving children. Surprisingly, kids were twice as safe when riding with grandparents than with their parents. Dr. Fred Henretig and colleagues suggest that grandparents may be extra cautious when driving around their precious cargo. ***Well, that and the fact that they have a flashing blinker on at all times to warn other drivers and never race down the highway at more than 43 miles per hour.
They say the average CEO reads 60 books a year. ***I’m probably close to that – I have the entire collection of Uncle John’s Bathroom Readers.
Research suggests that people unconsciously reveal much of what’s going on inside their heads through their eyes. Scientists asked volunteers to call out numbers from one to 30 in a random sequence. They found that by tracking the volunteers’ eye movements, the scientists could predict what number people would call with a 60% accuracy rate. The study, which was conducted at Australia’s University of Melbourne, found that people tend to look down and to the left before naming a number that is lower than the last one they mentioned. Conversely, they tend to look up and to the right before calling a number that’s higher than the last. ***Thank you, Australia scientists – I’m sure this will come in handy as we try to solve the world’s cancer crisis.
A Sri Lankan man was arrested with two pounds of gold hidden in his rectum after he was seen making “suspicious movements.” ***This story is gold all by itself.
The world’s most annoying sound is whining. That high-pitched, protracted whining sound that most teenagers, many children and even some dogs have perfected is the most annoying sound in the world, according to researchers from SUNY New Paltz. The study asked volunteers to compute basic math problems while they were listening to what is often considered the most distracting and irritating sounds. These included a baby crying, a high-pitched buzz saw, nagging, silence, regular speech, baby talk and whining. The volunteers made more errors on the math problems when they were listening to the whining than any other irritating sound. ***Followed closely by listening to (THE JOCK SHOW).
A group of conservative Catholic authorities have officially accused Pope Francis of heresy. ***Apparently they don’t like that he took a knee during Mass.
The U.S. Navy plans to equip its Virginia-class submarines with Xbox 360 controllers, which will control the ship’s periscopes. The joystick now used, along with its corresponding control panel developed by Lockheed Martin, cost about $38,000. An Xbox 360 controller, meanwhile, goes for about $30 and can be purchased just about anywhere that carries toys. ***Plus, you know the new recruits grew up with an X-Box. There would be practically zero learning curve for new sailors!
A study says women with eating disorders are four times more likely to be convicted of theft. ***…of Twinkies.
Rachel Myrick experienced possibly one of the last things you’d expect upon entering a LongHorn Steakhouse: She was bitten by a copperhead snake. In fact, the venomous 8-inch snake was still attached to her foot (she was wearing sandals) after she first felt a sharp pain and she had to shake it loose. She told reporters: “My fingers wrapped around the bottom of my foot; that’s when I felt what turned out to be a snake wiggling in my fingers. I freaked out.” The copperhead actually bit her twice on her toes and once on the side of her foot during the incident at the Virginia restaurant. Her boyfriend and her 13-year-old son stomped on the snake to kill it, then called for an ambulance as Myrick’s foot started to swell. Eventually the swelling spread past her knee – some even reached her hip and thigh – so she was administered antivenin, which combats the snake’s venom but can come with serious side effects, the following day. She was ultimately released from the hospital, but she’s still using crutches to avoid putting weight on her injured foot and could take three months to fully recover. She says, “It’s painful just to ride in the car. There’s very little that I can do. I can’t work. I can’t take my kids anywhere. Even phone calls are very difficult because I’m medicated.” A LongHorn spokesperson calls the incident “highly unusual” and says the chain is “taking steps to prevent it from happening again.” But here’s the best part: the rest of Myrick’s party continued their meal as Myrick went to the hospital, as the manager comped the entire table. ***Yeah, we’re sorry you got bit by a poisonous copperhead snake and might lose your leg… but we haven’t eating since breakfast!
While we continue to complain about all that’s wrong with our country, in Egypt, 7 gay men were arrested for holding up a rainbow flag at a concert. ***Even if you believe homosexuality is a sin, you gotta admit holding up a rainbow flag at a public event and being arrested for it is a bit extreme.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Being a little less carnivorous may help you stay slim. Dr. Anne-Claire Vergnaud of Imperial College London in the United Kingdom and her colleagues found that people who ate more meat gained more weight over five years than those who ate less meat, but the same amount of calories. When the researchers looked at different types of meat separately, they found the strongest association with weight gain for poultry, followed by processed meats and red meat – according to the study of thousands of Europeans. ***I guess it’s a good thing I’m American and not European then.
A new study finds that when it comes to exercise men are definitely stronger and faster, but women have far more stamina. ***Well, everybody knows that. That’s why they have all those benches at the mall — so that husbands will have somewhere to catch their breath.
Did you know that 2 hundred trillion text messages are received in America every single day which is more than a year’s worth of regular mail that’s received in America. 3,339 – that’s the average number of texts sent by American teens each month. Texting is the #2 use of cell phones. What is #1? Checking the time. ***Actually using your phone as a phone is like No. 23 or something. Probably because they still haven’t found a way to keep your calls from being dropped. Your phones can update Facebook, check your bank balance, even make deposits using your camera phone – but heaven forbid we create a cell phone that gets decent reception.
An Iowa State University study found that wives have more power over decisions at home than husbands do. ***The technical term for this condition is called, “marriage.”
A German scientist says that an evil dark patch shows up on the brain scans of criminals. ***And the people who design parking garages.
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Racquet the Skunk’s niece, Rita, had been manipulating her uncle Racquet to do her Accelerated Math homework for her. But now she’s in a bind, because tomorrow, in front of the entire class, she has to show long division on the black board… but she doesn’t even know addition or subtraction yet!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
There’s a really good reason those striped bars come down at railroad tracks to stop cars – BECAUSE A TRAIN IS COMING…
(2017) It seems 63-year-old Sarah Weagba Doe of Charlotte, NC either didn’t understand this basic warning or didn’t care. She actually lifted a railroad crossing safety gate as warning lights were flashing – and as a result was struck and killed by an Amtrak train. Police say Doe got out of an SUV that was stopped at the gate, which was lowered with red lights flashing. She then lifted the arms of the gate to allow the Chevy Equinox to cross the tracks and was hit by southbound Amtrak No. 79 as she walked back to the vehicle. She was pronounced dead at the scene.
TOP 10 OXYMORONS
10. Government Organization
9. Alone Together
8. Dodge Ram
7. Taped Live
6. Plastic Glasses
5. Tight Slacks
4. Pretty Ugly
3. Tax Return
2. Virtual Reality
1. Microsoft Works
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Police catch a man in his boxer shorts!
FILE #1: Robert Martin made a number of errors in his quest to rob a gas station. First, he ran out of gas before he ever got there, leaving himself stranded on the side of the road in a stolen car. Driving a stolen car to the robbery was his second error. But his third and fatal error was standing by the stolen car and waving to a police car that passed by. The cops ran a quick license check, discovered the car was stolen and arrested him.
FILE #2: Police smashed down the door of a man’s flat before realizing they’d raided the wrong address. Paul Forbes was buttering toast in his boxer shorts when officers told him to put his hands up and to get on the floor. Police have apologized. They realized the mistake when they checked his ID. They later arrested another man at a different address.
FILE #3: Abe Lincoln is wanted on suspicion of robbing as many as ten stores. Okay. so it’s not really Abe Lincoln, but just a crook disguising himself as the former president. The man, wearing a false beard, wire rimmed sunglasses and a dark overcoat, is using the Lincoln disguise to rob area gas stations and retail stores of hundreds of dollars in a Washington DC suburb. Police say the disguise bears a striking resemblance to the 16th president.
STRANGE LAW: In New York City, “It is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose, at the same time extending and wiggling the fingers of his hand.”
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
“This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.
How desperate must you be if you’re texting a prosecutor to see if they want to buy drugs from you?
Police say an Indiana man was arrested after mistakenly sending text messages to a prosecutor about drugs he was trying to sell. The Herald-Times of Bloomington reports that the 26-year-old Martinsville man sent messages to deputy prosecutor Courtney Swank on her department-issued cell phone. They read “Roxy twenties fifteen” and “Hey buddy just wonderin if you needed any fortys.” Police tell the newspaper the wording refers to oxycodone and other prescription drugs. The man is charged with dealing in a controlled substance, possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.
From theknot.com here are some of the most awkward wedding moments ever. Here are some stories of the most awkward scenes guests have witnessed at a wedding:
“When the bride and groom cut the cake and tried to feed each other, the groom actually bit the bride’s finger so hard that she bled. He kept eating small bites of cake while her family came up to fix her finger.”
“I was at a wedding where the groom’s father threw a tantrum and left halfway through the reception. The groom then got really drunk and cried for a good hour or so.”
“I went to a wedding where the father of the groom made a speech that included statistics on divorce rates.”
“A few extremely rude guests hissed at the buffet-style dinner and walked out 10 minutes after they sat down, claiming they were going to go out to eat. Awkward!”
Do you have a cringe-worthy wedding moment of your own?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: In the Bible, what is the most frequently used name/description for Jesus?
ANSWER: Son of Man (This appears 82 times in the New Testament alone: 81 times in the Gospels and once in Acts. The name Son of Man first appears in the Old Testament in Daniel 7:13, as a messianic prophecy: “I saw the night visions, and behold, one like the Son of Man came with the clouds of heaven.” Son of Man is taken to signify the humanity of Jesus, as opposed to son of God, which refers to His divinity.)
QUESTION: How much weight in bananas does the average American eat each year?
ANSWER: 24.5 pounds per person.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. There are 56 officially recognized Native American tribes. (False – there are 556)
2. American green cards aren’t really green. (True – the last time American Green cards were actually green was 1964.)
3. The targets in both skeet and trap shooting, commonly called clay pigeons, are actually made from tar and pitch. (True)
4. While almost everyone knows that Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, few know that he was also the last on the moon. (False – Gene Cernan was the last man on the moon.)
5. A humpback whale’s milk is 54 percent fat. (True)
6. When wearing a Kimono Japanese women wear special socks. (True – they sock are called “Tabi”. The big toe of the sock is separated from the rest of the toes, like a thumb from a mitten.)
7. Petey, the beloved pit bull of “Our Gang” fame is buried at historic Clara Glen pet cemetery in Linwood, New Jersey. (True)
8. Only one satellite has been ever been destroyed by a meteor. (True – the European Space Agency’s Olympus in 1993.)
9. 1691 was the most recent year that could be written both upside-down and rightside-up and appear the same. (False, it was 1961. The next year that this will be possible will be 6009.)
10. It takes forty-eight minutes to cool hot chocolate into a Hershey’s Kiss. (False – it takes eighteen minutes)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
SUPER EARTH FOUND WITH SUPER _________ (HUMANS)
More than 50 new alien planets — including a Super Earth with Super Humans has been discovered by the European Southern Observatory (ESO).
The newfound haul of alien planets includes 16 Super Earths, including one in which researchers have spotted more than a dozen Super Humans, who are at least 50 feet tall, according to researchers.
The planet, called HD 85512 b, has captured astronomers’ attention because it orbits at the edge of its star’s habitable zone, suggesting conditions could be ripe for the Super Humans to make a trip to Earth.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn’t run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn’t see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. “I’m sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road.”
But the priest said, “Don’t worry, son. I got him with my door.”
The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one-day a week.
He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.
One lad raised his hand and said, “Yes, but in those days there were only 13.”
The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he’d heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.
When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, “What’s the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?”
“My sense of humor is fine,” he said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m quitting tomorrow.”
After the “Popeye” comic strip was launched in 1931, spinach consumption went up by thirty-three percent in the United States. ***Because in 1931, giant forearms were considered sexy.
A survey shows most Americans have fewer close friends than ever. ***Have they not tried Facebook?
Late one night in Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded.
Indignant, the potential victim replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”
“In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
GIVE ME MY C
A Japanese company says people will soon be able to get their daily dose of Vitamin C simply by wearing a T-shirt.
Feeling a little sluggish today? Feeling down in the mouth? Under the weather? No problem… wear a T-shirt! A Japanese company has developed a fiber containing a chemical called pro-vitamin, which turns into Vitamin C on contact with human skin. They’ve applied the fiber to T-shirts, and these T-shirts have the equivalent vitamin content of two lemons and will be effective after being thrown in the wash 30 times! A company spokesman says the product is aimed at women who are interested in skin care. ***So long as you don’t mind turning orange.
YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said—Yesterday is gone……
The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet unborn….
This leaves only one day—TODAY! Anybody can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities—YESTERDAY and TOMORROW—that we break down.
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad; it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
FEARING THE WORST
READ: Galatians 6:2-10
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. —Galatians 6:2
When I learned I needed chemotherapy, my biggest fear was losing my hair. I knew this was a vain thought and should have been a minor concern, but I rationalized that it was okay to grieve what the Bible calls a woman’s glory (1 Cor. 11:15).
I knew, however, that the loss I was grieving was not my glory but my identity. My hair, which reached to my knees, was so much a part of who I was that I was afraid of losing myself when I lost it. In the past I’d had nightmares about having my hair cut. What would happen when it was really gone? I feared the worst.
But the worst never happened. I had my hair cut short—a little anxiety but no nightmares. And then it fell out—some sadness, but no despondency.
Several weeks later my dear friend Marge said to me, “Julie, I can’t tell you how often I have grieved the loss of your hair. It’s so much a part of you.”
Suddenly I realized that Marge was fulfilling the command of Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens.” She was coming alongside me with prayers and empathy to ease my burden.
Satan wants to defeat us with heavy burdens, but fellow believers by their love and support can minimize the suffering he causes. —Julie Ackerman Link
Thank You, heavenly Father, for a family of believers
who carry our burdens when we are weak. Thank You for
those who truly “weep with those who weep.” Amen.
Bearing one another’s burden helps make the burden bearable.
EYE 2 EYE
You know that feeling of excitement you get when you see an attractive person across a crowded room, and they look right back at you? Scientists decided to do a little research on that feeling.
“Their eyes met across the crowded room.” Lines like that are more than just a staple of romance novels along with swoons and handsome heroes. Scientists at University College London say those furtive glances stimulate activity in a part of the brain linked to rewards. A neurologist said, “What we’ve shown is that when we make eye contact with an attractive person, the brain area that predicts rewards starts firing.” ***This also explains why I see so many people crying around me. Same part of the brain.
LIFE… LIVE IT
SMILE – BECAUSE ANGRY PEOPLE DIE YOUNG.
A fascinating study from Germany reveals that cynical, hostile folks are five times more likely to go to their graves before the age of 50 than even-tempered people are. The study showed that it wasn’t necessarily the “hurry-hurry, type-A” people who suffered from high blood pressure and heart disease, it was the angry people. ***Boy, that kinda ticks you off, doesn’t it?
JUST FOR FUN
WEIRD DOG PRODUCTS
Remember the good old days when you would just strap a leash on Fido and go for a walk in the park? Leashes are so yesterday.
THE DOGGIE BAG PUPPY PURSE — Carry it by the handles or fling the straps around your shoulder or even waist, it enables the dog lover to go out and about with a little furry friend literally by their side. The idea is unlikely to appeal to traditionalists who believe dogs should be walked not carried, but in today’s consumer society pet accessories have become big business. Cost: $70- $90
THE POOPSADAISY — The Poopsadaisy is a bag that straps to your dog’s neck giving you a place to store its poop while out for a walk. When “Buddy” decides to take a dump, you pick it up with a plastic “doggie bag”, tie it off, and store it in the Poopsadaisy. In other words, “You dump it, you haul it.” Cost: varies.
THE DOG-POWERED SCOOTER — The human is in total control of the speed and direction of the scooter because the dog is harnessed inside of the frame and subject to its steering and braking force. This also simplifies the animal’s “choices” and reduces the level of “training” required of the animal. Simply harness the dog and clip them into the frame and off you go.
THE K9 KALMER — This is the only anti-barking device on the market that does not use pain or irritation to alter a dog’s behavior. What makes the device unique is that it uses proprietary ultrasonic musical compositions — songs that are inaudible to humans to calm anxious pets.
THE SNACKSHOTZ TREAT LAUNCHER — This high-tech slingshot will launch Discos treats up to 12 feet. Of course, you could always throw them further than that, but then where would the techie-fun be?
FIVE STEPS TO A HEALTHY DIET
A. List your ten favorite foods.
B. List your five favorite beverages.
C. List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees.
D. List water.
E. Avoid A & B; eat only C; drink only D.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
POWER OF THE INTERNET
A woman in Boston was chatting with a man from Wisconsin when she told him that she was trying to kill herself. Jeff Erlanger only knew the woman from the Internet and thought that the message was a hoax, but he called local police, then Boston police, but he only knew the woman’s first name, her AOL screen name, and city. With no more information, police were unable to help so he called AOL who will release a member’s name and address in an emergency. Minutes later, police arrived at the woman’s home to find her with fresh cuts on her wrists. She was taken to Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center for treatment.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
This news might have you beaming: A study form Northwestern University suggests that a dose of bright sunlight could help you stay slim. People exposed to the most morning and early-afternoon rays had lower BMIs than those who took in less. Morning light may send signals to your brain that increase alertness and production of metabolism regulating hormones, says study author Phyllis Zee, M.D. Ph. D. She suggest sitting by a window, or walking during your lunch break. Wear sunglasses but avoid amber or brown lenses which block circadian regulating blue light. (Men’s Health)
If you’re stuck staring at a computer screen all day, you need to regularly rest your eyes. The American Optometric Association recommends the 20-20-20 rule: First, set your phone to buzz every 20 minutes. When the alarm rings, focus on something that is about 20 feet away for 20 seconds; this will help your eye muscles relax. And you will have an excuse for staring mindlessly into the distance. That is not daydreaming. It is preventive medicine. (Men’s Health)
That Saturday night slice of cheesecake will not necessarily thwart your diet. A recent study suggests that gaining a little on the weekend is normal, and as long as you scale back during the week, you can still drop pounds long-term. while you should continue to choose your weekend treats wisely, it is easier to stick to healthy habits Monday through Friday, when your schedule is more consistent and likely less packed with free-time temptations, says study author Brian Wansink, Ph.D., of the Food and Brand Lab at Cornell University.
Stand. Don’t sit. Sitting too long could actually be hazardous to your health, even if you exercise regularly, HealthDay News reports of a study from Australia. People who sit too much during the day are more likely to have higher blood sugar and cholesterol levels, increased weight and a greater risk for type 2 diabetes and heart disease. But much of that can be reversed by getting off the couch or out of the office chair. Standing appears to not only improve blood sugar, fats in the blood and cholesterol levels, but also helps rev up metabolism that can help with weight loss. A study of nearly 800 men and women found:
An extra two hours a day spent standing, rather than sitting, resulted in approximately 2 percent lower blood sugar levels and 11 percent lower average triglycerides, a type of fat in the blood.
Those who stood more also had an increase in HDL (“good”) cholesterol and a drop in LDL (“bad”) cholesterol.
Replacing two hours a day of sitting time with walking or running was associated with about 11 percent lower average body mass and an almost three-inch smaller waist.
After all the hours of work you do to land a job interview, here is a cold, hard fact: Half of employers say they know within the first five minutes if a candidate is a good fit for the position. Five minutes. Three hundred seconds. CareerBuilder.com and The Harris Poll surveyed 2,595 hiring and human resource managers nationwide, asking them to list instant deal breakers. That is, if you do this during an interview, then you won’t get the job — no matter how well-qualified you are: Tell a lie; Answer your cell phone or respond to a text message; Appear arrogant or entitled; Dress inappropriately; or Swear. Body language can also cost you a job you might otherwise get. Like what? 67 percent of hiring managers are disconcerted by a candidate who will not make eye contact. Other ways your body language can throw an interview include not smiling, playing with something on the table, bad posture, fidgeting, crossing your arms or playing with your hair. And do watch your handshake! Handshakes that are too weak or too strong can both make you lose the job — before you’ve even had a chance to answer a single question.
(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
A neo-nazi has removed his swastika tattoos and changed his outlook on others… thanks to his black friend!
Michael Kent never thought he would live to see the day where he got his swastika tattoos covered up – but that was before he met Tiffany Whittier. Kent, a 38-year-old father of two, spent most of his life in a violent white supremacy group in Arizona. During his time in prison, he received two swastika tattoos to signify his views. Then, when he got out of jail, Whittier was assigned as Kent’s probation officer. Whittier, who is a 45-year-old black woman living in Colorado Springs, Colorado, says that she did not want to judge Kent based on his life decisions. She says she only wanted to be a positive influence on his life. As their time together eventually blossomed into a meaningful friendship, she talked him into taking down the neo-Nazi banners in his house and putting up smiley faces instead. “When you wake up and see a smiley face, you’re going to go to work and you’re going to smile,” Kent told ABC News. Many months after getting out of prison and befriending Whittier, Kent felt spurred to renounce his extremist lifestyle and get his tattoos covered up. He underwent the 15-hour tattoo procedure earlier this week, thanks to Redemption Tattoo – an organization that helps former skinheads and neo-Nazis get their racist tattoos removed for free. Kent now says that he works on a chicken farm with 15 other employees – and he is fine with being the only white guy in the workplace. And he says that it is all thanks to Whittier. “If it wasn’t for her I would have seeped back into it. I look at her as family.”
(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
As if prison life isn’t bad enough, do you really want to make half the inmate population hate you?
…(2017) Missouri prisons have been ordered to go totally smoke free because of one man – an asthmatic inmate serving a life sentence for two murders who, after a ten-year battle, won a court judgment. In his lawsuit, Ecclesiastical Denzel Washington – he changed it to that – showed that inmates are commonly written up for smoking in their cells. Missouri already bans smoking inside prison buildings, but it allowed it in designated areas outside. Washington, 53, sued the state because he said he kept getting paired in a cell with a heavy smoker despite doctor’s orders that he be held in a smoke-free area. Attorney Phillip Zeeck, who helped represent Washington, says the ruling may save Missouri taxpayers money because of the cost of treating smoking-related illnesses for the state’s more than 30,000 inmates. The case has been working its way through the federal courts for a decade. Washington, who used to be known as Willie Simmons, was sentenced to death in 1989 for the murders of two St. Louis women. His sentence was later reduced to life in prison. (Kansas City Star) ***Sounds like it would’ve been easier to just stick with that death penalty thing back in 1989.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
If you can’t beat your computer at chess, try kick-boxing. –Emo Phillips
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
SEPTEMBER 22, 2017…
Kingsmen: The Golden Circle—Yes, a sequel to the 2015 movie, “Kingsmen: The Secret Service,” that introduced us to the spies with weapons that are tongue-in-cheek to James Bond. In the first film, a young man, Eggsy (Taron Egerton) was selected to be a Kingsman, of Great Britain, and taught by Harry (Colin Firth.) Now, there are the Statesman (guess what country) and they are Halle Berry, Channing Tatum and Jeff Bridges. Every spy group needs a villain and I present Julianne Moore as “Poppy,” who sits in the middle of a jungle complete with a main street straight out of the 1950’s. Of course, she wants to reign supreme with a certain product and everyone is out to stop her. Among the specialized weapons are a deadly lasso and a mechanical dog that attacks on command. Guess German Shepherds wanted too much money. All of this is under the direction of Matthew Vaughn, who also directed the first film. “Kingsmen: The Secret Service” was average at the box office, but enough to have this second film, so fans, here you are. “Kingsmen: The Golden Circle” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Battle Of The Sexes—Go back in time for this one, back to 1973 and a tennis match between a man, Bobby Riggs (played by Steve Carell) and a woman, Billie Jean King (Emma Stone) to prove who was the stronger, and hence, the winner of this match. This was the BIG MATCH of its time with 90 million viewers. The story actually centers on their private lives, with Riggs the older one. Also in the cast are Sarah Silverman and Elisabeth Shue. “Battle Of The Sexes” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans who remember this tennis match.
The LEGO Ninjago Movie—Yes, LEGO fans, another movie is here. This time, Lloyd (voice of Dave Franco) is out to protect Ninjago City against a warlord named Garmandon (voice of Justin Theroux). Guess what…the warlord is also Lloyd’s father. Also in the cast of voices is Jackie Chan. “The LEGO Ninjago Movie” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.
Stronger—Jake Gyllenhaal takes on the role of Jeff Bauman, who lost both legs from the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013. This is a story of courage, hardship, and building a new life when you world has crumbled around you. Tatiana Maslany (“Orphan Black”) plays his girlfriend. “Stronger” is rated R. Rating of 3.
Victoria and Abdul—Can anyone who is the monarch of a nation have a private life? Actually, yes, and this film details the true story of a friendship between Great Britain’s Queen Victoria (played by Dame Judi Dench) and a representative from India, Abdul, who is a Muslim, and played by Ali Fazal. The young man introduced Queen Victoria to a new freedom in her life such as tasting new food, Being also knows as the Empress of India, Victoria was surprised to know what she did not know about India, and set about, with Abdul’s help, to learn about the country she ruled. This included eating different food and actually laughing and enjoying herself as she neared the end of her reign. Judi Dench also had a somewhat controversial role in “Mrs. Brown” (great soundtrack there) in which it was hinted she liked the man who took care of the royal horses. Being a monarch is a lonely place to be, and friendships are hard to come by, when you rule in a world of everyone asking for favors from you. “Victoria and Abdul” gives us a glimpse into a break in protocol, and is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
SEPTEMBER 29, 2017…
American Made has Tom Cruise as the real life double spy, Barry Seal.
Flatliners stars Ellen Page as one of a group of medical students who try to cross over into death and come back. The first film, years ago, starred Kiefer Sutherland.
Mark Felt – The Man Who Brought Down The White House has Liam Neeson in the title role.
Our Souls At Night stars Robert Redford and Jane Fonda in a special romance.
Woodshock has Kirsten Dunst as a woman experimenting with drugs.
‘Til Death Due Us Part stars Taye Diggs in a film about a controlling marriage.
Lucky (opening in select cities) has Harry Dean Stanton as an atheist.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.