With the economic problems, liberalism, etc., taking place in this country, I’ve decided to go buy an island and create my own country. First, I have to find someone willing to sell me an island for just $27.88 which is all I have left in my checkbook. But once I have the island, I’m moving forward.
My new country will be known as MARLARON. I thought about calling it MARLARIA – but that obviously has some problems, so I’m going with MARLARON. Anyway, I (of course) will be King. “Marlaron” will not be a Republic or a Democracy… because I want to change my mind about anything I want at any time, including the name of my country. Of course, if you’re going to start your own country you have to have a few rules, right? Feel free to send your own ideas for new laws if you’d like, but it’s my country and I get final say as to what gets drafted into laws. Here’s the current list of laws…
THE LAWS OF MARLARON
- We will borrow from the U.S. the First Amendment – freedom of speech and freedom of religion. However, we will specify that “freedom of religion” does not mean “freedom FROM religion”. So if you don’t like our money saying “In God We Trust,” if you’re offended by the Ten Commandments being displayed in government buildings, or if you don’t like prayers before a football game or in the classroom – tough. Go live somewhere else.
- License plate numbers on all vehicles will be the phone number to the cell phone of the person driving the vehicle. That way you can call him and tell him to stop driving like a maniac. License plates will be required on front and back of all vehicles so you can also bawl-out the guy who’s tailgating you too.
- No personal property taxes… period. Continuing to pay money to the government just so you have the right to continue ownership of something you’ve already paid for is immoral.
- The National Food will be Chocolate… and it must be available in some form at every evening meal.
- The Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of Marlaron (very similar to the American pledge) will not only be used in the classroom, but will be required at the beginning of each school day, including the words, “Under God” – and I’ll also be adding words to the pledge to enforce that we are a “sovereign” nation.
- Government buildings and schools are required to display the Ten Commandments and will also be required to live by them.
- Prayer in schools will not only be allowed – it will be encouraged; particularly when it comes time for final exams.
- Except for rare parody instances, all Christmas songs recorded or played in MARLARON will be required to keep their original lyrics rather than replacing them with politically correct terms. Songs such as “Oh Turkey Dear” (instead of “Oh Christmas Tree”) or “We Wish You a Happy Season” (rather than “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”) will be banned – and teachers attempting to introduce such songs into the classroom with the intention of replacing the originals will be suspended until after Christmas without pay and be required to act in a live nativity scene on school grounds for students, teachers, and passers-by to see — so all may reflect on the true meaning of the holiday.
Marlaron’s main exports will be:
- Uneducated Teens to work Fast Food