Discipline. That’s what I think I’m supposed to learn in all of this. I’m on my fourth day of fasting – and I’m thinking this very well could be the day that I break the fast.
Yesterday afternoon and evening was tough. It seemed that everything I did reminded me of food – and that’s where the realization began to sink in. I was working on my syndicated radio show, doing research for fun stuff to talk about, and came across the birthday list for this coming week – and next to Jason Alexander’s name (from Seinfeld), was the fact that he was a pitchman for KFC at one time. The instant I saw the letters K-F-C my mouth began watering for eleven herbs and spices, cole slaw, and mashed potatoes and gravy. I wanted to step away from the computer, jump in the car, and head out for it right that second.
That got me to thinking. Am I craving KFC because my body needs it, or simply because my taste buds want it? This happened to me numerous times yesterday – I’d suddenly be in the mood for one of my favorite foods, but if I stopped to think about it, I wasn’t really in need of those foods – I was just in want of them.
This realization became even clearer this morning when my lovely bride submitted me to cruel and inhumane treatment by making herself potatoes in a skillet. It was the first thing I woke up to – and it’s one of my favorite smells in the entire world. For a brief second I thought, “time to break this fast!” But after a couple of seconds I thought about it and realized that the absolute last thing I want to do do a body that’s had no food for three days is to fill it with ultra-greasy fried potatoes. They’d taste great going down – but I’d regret it later.
It’s not just food in my life that I have a problem with when it comes to discipline. For the past forty years I’ve pretty much denied myself nothing. If I wanted it, and I had the means to get it, I got it. Food, gadgets, toys, television, pretty much anything. Not to total excess, but enough that I never went wanting. Of course, God has always provided all of my needs – but not all of my wants. I took care of that on my own. Pathetic, I know… but this is what I’m realizing right now about my life.
Lack of discipline is the reason I weigh over three hundred pounds. Lack of discipline is the reason my home-base business failed about ten years ago. Lack of discipline is why… well, you get the idea.
Essentially, I’ve found my life has been all about the “flesh” – not about the “faith”. Fortunately, this whole process is bringing that around to where it should be. I’m finding myself talking more and more with God these past few days. Yesterday it was mostly pleading for him to give me strength to finish my work and make it to bed without crumbling and heading to the fridge. This morning, it was more of thanking him for keeping me strong and speaking to me through all of this.
Yesterday morning I wasn’t having any problems whatsoever. Last night and this morning it’s a struggle. I might temporarily break my fast today, as I’m feeling very weak. I’ll begin small, just a sandwich and perhaps an apple and orange, and then WALK AWAY.
Again, discipline. Not just in food… but in life. I believe that’s the lesson God is showing me here. That, and I’ve not been spending near enough time with him. God brought to mind another song that I wrote and recorded many years ago… so I’m including it here as well. (Gosh, I miss those days of singing and performing… but that’s a topic for different blog post that I’m not ready to share yet.)