Today is NATIONAL YO-YO DAY.  ***MARLAR: If you’re not UP to celebrating, you can at least be DOWN with those that are.

Today is AMERICUS CALLAHAN DAY, marking this date in 1902 when the Chicago inventor patented the window envelope.  ***MARLAR: Why would anyone want to celebrate this day though?  Practically the only thing you get in the mail nowadays in a window envelope is a bill.

Today is NATIONAL BLACK COW DAY.  ***MARLAR: In case you’re wondering, a black cow is like a Root Beer Float, only you add chocolate syrup to it.  Either that, or it’s a black four-legged lactating mammal. 

Today is BALL POINT PEN DAY.  On this day in 1943 a Hungarian hypnotist and journalist named Lasalo Biro, while working in Argentina, patented the ballpoint pen.  ***MARLAR: A hypnotist?  Could it be that the entire world is now hypnotized to believe the ballpoint pen works, and yet, secretly, it doesn’t work at all?

Today is ANTIQUATED SAYINGS DAY.  Identify and try to replace sayings and phrases you grew up with that no longer make sense.  Here are a few examples…
o You sound like a broken record.  (Most people don’t have record players or records anymore, and this phrase doesn’t work with a CD, and certainly not with an iPod.)
o Crank up the car window.  (Some used cars have crank windows, but most new cars all have power windows.  Might as well start phasing this out of your vocabulary now.)
o Dial the phone.  (What dial?  Is it on the side of the phone opposite the buttons?)
o Adjust the rabbit ears.  (Everyone has cable or satellite now.  In fact, I’ve never in my life had to utter this phrase.  How about “adjust the dish”?)
o Make a mix tape.  (Most people copy songs to CDs or iPods nowadays.)
o That and a dime will buy you a cup of coffee.  (One word: Starbucks.)
o Turn up the TV volume.  (There’s nothing to turn anymore.  You’d have to say “button up the volume” – but then your TV sounds like a blouse.)

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