Today is I NEED A PATCH FOR THAT DAY. ***MARLAR: We’ve got patches for everything nowadays. Pregnancy, heart conditions, nicotine patches for people who want to quit smoking. Good uses, all… but that leaves out myriad of other medical or socially awkward conditions that could use a patch. Bad breath? Listerine patch. Stick it to the roof of your mouth and you’re good all day. We should have patches for everything. Dexetrim Patch for those who want to lose weight, Tinactin Patch for foot fungus, maybe even a Bean-O patch. Of course, the ultimate patch already exists for men losing their hair. It’s called a toupee.
Today is NATIONAL BACKYARD GAMES DAY. ***MARLAR: Ah, backyard games… like Hide-n-Seek, Tag, Capture the Flag, Run From Daddy’s Belt… ah, the memories.
Today is GREEK PHILOSOPHERS DAY. ***MARLAR: The most famous being Socrates. I used to think it was pronounced “soap crates” – which explains why I’m a comedian and not a philosopher. One my favorites though is Plato. Any guy that can get colored clay for kids named after him is alright in my book.