WANT TO BE DEPRESSED AND MISERABLE?

(From Charles B. Beckert, Ph.D.)

  • Really concentrate on mistakes that you’ve made, especially mistakes you can’t do anything about.
  • Always compare yourself to others. This works best when you compare your worst traits with their best traits.
  • When someone else has a problem, be sure to make it your problem too. For added misery, you can also find some way to blame yourself for their problems.
  • Spend as much time and energy as possible criticizing and judging yourself and everyone else. The longer the list of negatives about people, the better your misery.
  • Make sure you look at the bad side of everything. There’s always some bad to be found in every situation, but you may have to get creative in order to find it.
  • Be a perfectionist. Set goals for yourself and others that are way too high. This works best if you often remind yourself that you are not good enough. It also enhances the misery of others if you remind them that they’re not good enough either.
  • Hole-up in your room. Avoid friends and family, especially the ones who really love you.
  • Always strive to please everyone all the time. Make sure that you don’t waste any energy on making yourself happy.
  • Let your self-worth be decided by whether others like and accept you. A helpful hint is to do things you don’t be believe in and say things that you wouldn’t normally say in order to be accepted.
  • Base your worth as a person on how you look and what you have.
  • Don’t ever forgive yourself. Hold grudges against yourself when you don’t live up to your standards and the standards of others.
  • Avoid doing anything new or empowering. You definitely don’t want to risk success.
  • At all costs, avoid activities and people where you feel good about yourself. There are lots of people and places that support you in feeling worthless and miserable…spend as much time as possible there.
  • Make sure that your self-worth is based on whether or not you have a boyfriend. Settle for some loser that treats you really badly so that you won’t be without a boyfriend.
  • Some people find that they are miserable being miserable. If this is you, you might try doing the absolute opposite of all the strategies above and see what wonderful things happen!

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